Summary: Harry winds up in a duel with Professor Snape, and as a result, he and his yearmates are faced with the horrific trauma of a naked potions class. In addition, Fred has a "small" magical mishap, Voldemort develops a lisp, and an insufferable Hufflepuff who knows way to much about all this shows up. And that's just Part I of this twisted but hilarious series of Hogwarts comedies. Later chapters feature dirty diapers, abused Hufflepuffs, time-traveling Hogwarts founders, Gilderoy Lockhart, a sentient soccer ball, mind-altering hot chocolate, studded dog collars, and some interesting ways to misuse the Room of Requirement.

Summary: Albus Dumbledore visits disgraced Auror Ulysses Grayson in Azkaban, demanding to know if he committed the atrocities he was accused of, and if so why. The answer to his question revolves around 2-year-old Harry Potter and his cruel relatives, and makes one wonder if ensuring the boy's safety might have carried too high a price....