Hello my darling visitors :) Yes, this is the same QueenHal who was crazy enough to take on the job of redesigning MuggleNet Fan Fiction for MNFF-2. I'm also the same QueenHal who runs the Bannermakers Association at the forums.
But as much as I love to design and make pretty pictures... I also love to write. Here you will find the cozy little corner of Haley. Er, I mean - here are the stories I've authored. I'm rather proud of everything I've posted here--but I know that they wouldn't even be here if it weren't for my darling SPEWers. How I love those crazy kids.
Lanette and her Grandmother
Spirits of the Storm - Ch. 4
Cute! Looking forward to more :)
Author's Response: I'm looking forward to making more, too!
Please stop being so incredibly rude and hateful toward other people on this site. It's unbecoming. As an author, you should have much more respect for the people that take time to read your work and then review it, offering constructive criticism.
How you treat your fellow MNFFers, not to mention Mods, is obscene. I hope to see better from you in the future.
Completely delicious. I'm so glad I found this... its the epitomy of guilty pleasures.
I typically don't like reading about American wizarding schools, but it looks like yours does have potential to change my mind :) Suggestion: Besides a few details, your school seems like a carbon copy of Hogwarts placed in America. All your classes look exactly like the ones at Hogwarts, for example. American schools might place emphasis on different values - maybe magical cooking, or magical theory, the healing arts, magical inventions etc... think area specific. What might New Yorkers favor over other things? Anothing way to spice things up a bit... like someone below said, Americans tend to play Quadpot instead of Quidditch. This is like the ragged american translation of soccer in Europe - football. Maybe there aren't house teams... but school teams - and the teams travel to other wizarding schools around the country. I found this really cool site: http://www.cosforums.com/archive/index.php/t-4080.html - it should help you out quite a bit :)
Author's Response: thanks for another review! I really like getting them. Yeah, I'm working on trying to make Rosenfire unique, but it's hard since I already assigned the classes. That's alright though, I'll do my best. Oh, and I apologize for chapter 3 (in queue). I tried NOT to make it like The Yule Ball, but I fear it ended up being quite a bit like The Yule Ball. Ah well, try to enjoy the story anyway. Thanks!
Looks like all the Slytherine cronies of Harry's time had kids the same year. You've got me interested!
Author's Response: Yeah! Such a coiky-dink! I never even noticed it!! haha! thanks for reading! -Versaci.
Author's Response: Yeah! Such a coiky-dink! I never even noticed it!! haha! thanks for reading! -Versaci.
I like it! Is this set during the time of the trio? Or at another time completely, after the war or such... You've got me interested. Update soon!
Author's Response: Thanks very much! Actually, this story is set after the time of the war. It tells the story of what a normal Hogwarts student goes through, though not completely boring! Chapter 2 has been sent in!
Adorable! Clever, amusing, with a hint of mystery. This is the first "Humor Fic" that I actually find entertaining. It reminds me of a Hogwarts-ified Princess Diaries. Thanks for the read!
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. The fifth chapter is a bit shorter, but I enjoyed it quite a lot.
Ah! You're good. Harry's resolve was a relief... I hate when authors draw out his wallowing too long. I'm quite interested to see where the next chapter takes us.
Ahhh very intruiging so far... please do continue, I'm liking where this is going.
Your story has great potential. I'm interested to see what you do with these characters... keep going
Oh! I'm liking this very much... You present a very different Lily than is given to us in many fanfics. I really like her. It's completely refreshing, and wonderful to read. You've got such a good flow. I also enjoy the bit about Petunia. I'm guessing you wrote this before HBP, but since you're only a chapter in, it might be wise to add that she was also at the top of [SPOILER] her class in Potions - not just Charms. You've got a wonderful start here! Don't stop.
Good, solid story. You have good details and descriptions, you're great at keeping the characters IC, and you're just a talented writer - period. I can't wait to see where this story goes.
Haunting. Do continue.... your character has me rooting for her. You've got a good basis, now run with it! I'll be watching for more
*giggles* I love that last bit. Yes, Malfoy is a git. But one which will lead Siobhan to Lucius. And that makes him useful. Mmm mmmm good. Another supurb chapter. Witty banter is always nice. It's also nice to find out about the background of Siobhan. But that's just it, it was nice. I NEED LUCIUS ACTION. Ahem. *calms myself*
Author's Response: *hugs Haley* Well, well... *eyes a very upcoming chapter*, it seems your needs will be getting met (and plentifully, at that!)
What!?? That’s it!?? You can’t just stop. *groans*
Well, now that I have myself under some semblance of control, I must say that I was thrilled to be finally breached with the treat we all have been waiting for since Chapter one. It was… The Chapter.
Your command of dialogue once again shows what a fabulous writer you are. It’s quirky, witty, and all the while realistic. Siobhan proves herself again to be a completely real character. I was also glad to see that she had no idea what she was doing. I just hope she gets a little more into it in the following chapter. After all, that’s Lucius on top of her!!
Quickly, I want to say that I highly enjoyed the birthday dinner. It hardly advanced the plot, but it was quite a fun little treat to read – especially the tiramisu bit. I also enjoyed seeing your interpretation on Death Eater dinners (when they’re pretending to be normal wizards, of course). Interesting… very interesting.
“I’ll… give it to you later,” [Draco] explained, trying to wink but instead twitching his left eye in a frightening way. Oh man. That killed me. Very ferret-like of Draco, eh?
“I’m standing in your bedroom, you are wearing nothing but a slip and I’ve made it quite clear that my intention is to make love to you tonight.” Wow. I think that’s the line right there that gave me shivers. The first set of shivers, anyway. How incredibly sexy.
“You’re still fully dressed and I’m half-naked,” she answered. Stop this Jenna, you’re too good to us – delivering dialogue like this to us.
This is hardly a brilliant review (not exactly SPEW worthy in any case), but I really have no criticism to make except that it was far too short and needs to be continued at this very moment. Also, though I may be President of The Cult, I must remind you that I love every single aspect of this story and find the couple in question highly intriguing and wonderful to read – despite what others may say! So write on, my dear friend, write on.
Author's Response: I'm so spoiled with my reviewers. Someone should shoot my ego, I think it's floating somewhere in the exosphere, and I can see it from here.
I just want to say, welcome to the 'ship, deanine ;)
(Sorry sorry, I know im spamming, but I had to say it!)
Author's Response: SPAMMER! :P
*grins and waves sheepishly* Hello dearest Jenna. I am a horrible fangirl. I bask in the glow of preview chapters, and then put off reviewing the real thing until... well deadline time. *looks around* However, I hope you understand that this is probably my favourite guilty pleasure on MNFF. No, it IS my favourite guilty pleasure. So please do not take it personally... I just love to bask.
So, on to the show, as they say:
Your beginning with the Mummy anecdote is just a lovely opening. We hear so little about Siobhan's family and Siobhan's past that it really seems like a treat whenever we do. And then there's the perfect little seguey into Siobhan opening the “exquisite” gifts from Lucius. Insert much shivering and private squeeing here. It's always been a thing for me... I just LOVE reading about people opening presents. And when it's written well, a la JKR or you, I get this little thrill, almost as if I'm opening them myself. Yum.
His figure appeared behind her in the reflection.
This is very Phantom of the Opera to me. And while I know you haven't seen it, I believe it stems from the same basic idea of... infatuation. Siobhan isn't just Lucius's plaything anymore—she has become something more to him. It is evident in his words, in his gifts, in his manner around her. He's becoming obsessed with the mere thought of her. I love it.
Her attention wandered slightly, to the thought of Potter and his friends, and the Christmas they might be enjoying. With the Malfoys, the entire occasion felt cold and formal — whereas Potter was probably tearing paper off presents while holding Katie Bell close to him near a warm fire. Siobhan imagined warmth and laughter and sincerity, and for a moment, felt a twinge of loneliness, wishing that she could be with her brother Liam or someone else who loved her.
The perfect little paragraph to get my Cultish wheels spinning. But at the same time, it's a very important paragraph in general. There is a price to pay for what she is doing... she's cut herself off from almost everything that makes her happy to substitute them with Lucius—who undoubtedly makes her happy, but at the same time cannot provide her with quite all she needs. And *snorts* I certainly don't think Draco could either.
“How old is this?” “A few hundred years,” Lucius replied. “You seem to have respect for the greatness that comes with age. I thought perhaps you might appreciate it for what it’s worth.”
SQUEEE! How I love old books! I think we have collectively established our love for these wonderful things. But... just the receiving of one sends that familiar chill down my spine. Yay! Go Lucius!
And then comes... the inevitable Marble Table scene. It's incredibly sexy. But more than that, it carries with it a new urgency that hasn't been present until now. And of course, the (also) inevitable finding-of-the-darkmark. I have to say I'm surprised that Siobhan has not seen it before. But now as I reread it, I see that she didn't get a good enough look at it to realize what it is. However, she must start to have suspicions... right? I'm quite curious to see more here....
Thanks, as always, for providing me with
Author's Response: *wants to see PotO even more badly than before* But that mirror appearance was actually a throwback to chapter one, when, in her fantasy, Siobhan sees him appear in the mirror and walk up to her ;)
\'\'but at the same time cannot provide her with quite all she needs.\'\' *dies from ESP-foreshadowing love*. You don\'t know how close that comes, dear.
*is happy to include presents, old books and Cultish things in chapters* Harry reappears soon, so that should be happy for you, eh? *hee* As for the Dark Mark, I\'m operating on my lack of canon details. I don\'t think that the wizarding community realise what the Dark Mark is, other than when it is used in the sky. What I mean to say is, I don\'t know if they realise that the Death Eaters have marks on their arms, and so, for this, I\'m assuming that they really don\'t know. I\'m trying to find a spot to really explain all of the Dark Mark stuff, but I can only think of one good place to put it, and that\'s when Siobhan actually finds out about Lucius.
I've been trying to decide for ages what it is about your writing that hooks me so. I've finally come up with something. It's absolutely thrilling. And with every chapter of this remarkable story you weave, this notion is more thoroughly enforced. Your writing has grown so much, has reached such wonderful heights, that this isn't just fiction anymore. You've truly made art here, Jenna. I want to commend you for this.
So back to the “thrilling” thing. It's true. You have this way of working a plot, slipping in these delicious lines, pulling out these marvelously nuances. You don't waste words. You make every single syllable count. As a reader, I come away from a paragraph breathless with joy. You never fail to do the job.
Your way with characters astounds me. How you manage to hold a character completely steady in his characterization at every moment remains a mystery to me. You never let the reader forget that these characters are human, are real. But at the same time, you offer us a glimpse into this intricate world. It's something so strange, and yet so familiar. You manage to pour the essence of humanity into these characters, and ten chapters in, I feel as if I walk beside them at every moment, watching not from a computer screen, but from my own two eyes.
Look at me. I'm so enraptured by this universe you've created, I can't even stop my raving. I suppose I better stop pouring my pretty words of praise, and get to the actual reviewing. Merlin knows I owe you one!
I've mentioned before how I adore what you did with Draco in this chapter. Until now, he's been a Shakespearian two-dimensional character, mainly good only for a laugh or a conflict for our protagonists to overcome. This was never a bad thing, in fact it was quite the opposite—it made for a very entertaining piece of fiction. However, by giving him this strange vulnerability, this sadness, this helplessness, it adds another dimension to your story. While I'm not exactly rooting for the poor kid, I am however, wanting him around a bit longer to see what else you can do with him.
The dialogue in this chapter is extraordinary. You've always been a master of dialogue, but there are far to many excerpts in this chapter to post that showcase how truly good you really are. The Lucius/Siobhan banter is nothing short of genius. The way you play them off of each other makes me week in the knees. I adore Lucius, I adore Siobhan, I adore you.
Other favourite things in this chapter:
-Lucius' stance on Muggles and their literature. Interesting, very interesting.
-Siobhan's comments to Mr Lenihan. No less than hilarious.
-Siobhan being jealous and paranoid.
-Lurky!Lucius. Everyone loves a mystery man.
-Siobhan's Ribbony dress. I can just picture this...
There is not a thing about your writing that I don't adore and work to emulate. I have no concrit for you, because that would defeat the purpose of fangirling. I love you. Goodnight.
Oh man, that was awesome. Miss Murphy succeeds at capturing my heart once again. The last scene between her and Malfoy was brilliant and highly entertaining. I'm glad you finally got around to continuing this. It really was worth the wait :)
Author's Response: 'Worth the wait' < aw, thanks. I was afraid people had just given up. Well, Chapter 3 shouldn't be as long a wait. Thanks for reading and reviewing :D
Ooooo.... getting closer and closer. I believe I'm starting to feel the vibrating hum of how close it is.
Each chapter gets more and more delicious. And while we were totally spoiled by the BD action you wrote a few days ago, there's nothing like the buildup to get the heart racing.
You had some wonderful dialogue in this chapter, as in the previous. I believe that's my favorite part of this story as a whole, actually (well besides the obvious). It's terribly clever. Something I love about your writing is how you let the reader feel as if they're sharing this devious little secret, and not so much reading a story.
I agree completely with Fantasium and what she said about the “benefits associated” lines, and it goes back to what I said above. When she makes the exchange with Harry, I just got this giddy feeling inside. It’s quite fun, and very clever.
I love seeing Siobhan’s little thoughts to herself in the middle of dialogue. She’s so deadpan and dry in the way she thinks, yet it’s completely hilarious. I wish you would add more of that.\
It’s refreshing, yet strange, to see Harry interact with Siobhan in this story as opposed to BD. Their chemistry seems very different, though no less strong, somehow. I also don’t see Harry as emotionally developed as he has become in BD, so I think he’s learning something from his friendship with Siobhan that’s very critical to his character. Or something. I’m not sure exactly what I’m saying. I will say though, that I like it. And for the sake of the storyline, it’s much harder to ship them in this universe ;)
I’m very curious about Liam. Is he her twin? That’s something I’m not sure on, because you said she was the same age, but always referred to him as her brother rather than her twin brother. Why didn’t Liam go to Hogwarts with Siobhan? Why did her mother separate them? Is the first time she sees him again when he comes to the Weasley’s door in 7th year? Except wait, this is 7th year too, in an AU than BD, right? Oh now I’m confusing myself.
Anyway, well done as usual Miss Jenna, well done.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review as usual - now I get to answer your questions about Liam, and I'll try to keep it as simple as possible, but rest assured that I'll be explaining more in the story, and that in the context it will make much more sense
To start with - BD & Sins are seperate worlds. Just think of it as all the rest of fan-fiction. There will be some obvious paralleles, but many contradictions. It's an AU type thing - what would happen if things happened this way instead of that way
Liam is not Siobhan's twin. He is one month older than her - they share the same father, but have different mothers. That is why Siobhan went to England with her mother, but Liam stayed in Ireland.
Make sense? For now at least? Hehe. Again, muchos gracias for the review :D