I'm a teenager from the US who loves writing and theatre, often together, and adores singing at any time.
OMG that was sooooo good. I hate cliffhangers!!!! Therefore, you must update soon! Pretty please?
It's a good plot, very original(that I've seen). Ron was pretty IC, as was Malfoy. Ginny was a little OOC in my eyes. She seemed a little too American-ish for my taste. One phrase that jumped out at me as OOC was "Look I know I’ve not got the best tits in the year but they can’t be that repulsive, can they?" That just seemed like nothing Ginny would say. I think it needs a little backstory; when did Malfoy start feeling attracted to Ginny? When did she stop hating him? I look forward to the next chapter, though. I think you've got a pretty good grasp on your characters apart from what I've mentioned here.
Your grammar/punctuation is a little off, and I had a question about how Harry and Ron 1) found out where they were, and 2) got them out. They seem like they just appeared and let them out right now.
I'd love to see where you're going with this, though. I'll check back for an update later.
*sniff* that was so beautiful. Truly one of the best pieces of work I've ever read. I cried, just because it all fit so well and it was so moving. It really seems true. If JKR ever writes about James and Lily before their death, it'll all seem wrong to me because yours works so perfectly.
The red eyes thing was so wonderfully horrible. I read the part about the red eyes in Muggle pictures and it hit me so hard. I don't really know why.
I started crying right as James said the line Harry heard him say in the third book. It wasn't forced, it was woven in perfectly. And Lily's reaction to when he died was perfect. All your characters were IC to me. I loved Sirius's flower. Can I have one of those that's allergic to my brother? ;-)
The little buzzing "kill you all" circles reminded me of Spiderman. In the burning house, when the Green Goblin throws them at him. That was my first thought when I read that, but I like yours better. Much creepier.
The name for the flower also reminded me of Dobby and Ron. I'm glad you kept it as Wheezy, though, it fits so much better. Plus, this was around 13 years before that. :-)
Overall, I'm in love with this story. I rarely keep bookmarked stories in my bookmarks menu, but this one is staying.
Author's Response: This was such a nice review! I'm so glad to hear you liked my story and I especially liked how you pointed out each part of what you liked. I'm pleased that you liked the smaller elements that were spread throughout this story, such as the flower and the discs. Thank you for reviewing and I hope I hear from you again.
Great chapter! She has no idea what she's getting into... Can't wait to see what happens next! Update soon! xoxo:-)
Author's Response: Chapter eight is now in queue. I'm working on the ninth, but it might take a while. I have two other fics to update as well. By the way, yay for you! You broke the unlucky thirteen reviews.
wow this is such a great story... write more soon!
Author's Response: Thank you!
i loved it!
Author's Response: thanks, it was my first attempt.
Oh, Jenna... I swear, I nearly cried when I thought you'd killed Harry! I can't wait for that epilogue. :)
I'm afraid I won't be able to leave a very constructive review this morning; my brain isn't working too well. I'll try my best, though.
First of all, I love, love, love this story. I love how seamless the plot is. And of course, I love Siobhan. ;) I did find several little errors (mostly punctuation) that you should probably fix - it disrupts the flow of the story a bit, and I love the flow. :)
You have a way with descriptions in intense scenes that is so beautiful. I've cried many times while reading this and Harry's Sixth Year. ^_^ I hope you continue to write such touching stories. I know I'll read them if you post 'em here. :)
*waits anxiously for the epilogue*
A story about how the love between two people can turn out to be more than just love, but a life saving experiance. Plenty of suspense and twists and turns! Please Review: tell me you love it, hate it, want to change this or that, hell, tell me all about the secret conversation you and your cat had last night! Just review!
The Sequal is up! Look for Love Fulfilled in the Dark/Angst section by me! the dark arts master! So go read it, now! It's even better than the first one!
Wow, this story has kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I never would have excpected Penelope Clearwater. I was confused when she talked about Percy, but I didn't think anything of it. I was sure it was Marietta and Drowry. You sure know how to write a murder mystery:-) 10/10
Author's Response: I got ya!! YAY!!! Hope your tush doesn't hurt from sitting on the edge of your seat, that can start to hurt after a while:)! I love murder mystery's! I am currently writing one called What Would You Do? It has a shocking twist just like this story.
lol i think it was definitly very interesting but it was really really funny!! i have a cat that looks like Crookshanks, and now every time i look at him i'm going to see him in Jello form! lol. anyway that was a really great first chapter, i hope to see more soon!
Author's Response: Lol! I'm so happy you think it's really funny and interesting! That makes me feel good =D LOL. I'm glad you will think of the jello when you look at your cat =D. I sent in chapter two yesterday, I hope it's approved soon!
I really like it! Keep writing! I have the feeling Harry's about to do something sneaky... anyway update soon! xoxo:-)
Author's Response: Harry's about to get into a lot of trouble... keep reading... new update soon!!!!
Hey, I really like it! It's a really unsual pairing, which makes it especially good. It's really original. Update soon, please! :-)
Author's Response: Thanks so much! Even the mod commented on the originality of this. I'm proud! I enjoy writing minor/new characters and rare plots and ships mich more than the trio and Marauders because I can create their identities. Please check out my other stories!!!
This is a really interesting story, I'll be watching for an update. Is this one of those 'this-is-why-they-are-who-they-are-now' fics? I love those. I guess it seems a little weird to me because I've only ever seen Tom be evil, so it's very different. But I'd very much like to read more. 9/10
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it !! Yeah, it is one of those 'this-is-why-they-are-who-they-are-now' type fics. :-) I know, I never really thought of Tom being nice myself either..... lol
This was such a sweet, sad story. I really enjoyed it. I love how you use Susan's flashbacks as a sort of timeline of her relationship with Cedric.
I’d been wandering around the third floor corridor for the past five minutes and I still couldn’t find my Charms lesson. I found this sentence quite intriguing - it means she was remarkably close to discovering Fluffy. Wouldn't she have been a little worried about being lost on the third floor, not knowing if she was in the out of bounds area? Since she's worried about getting in trouble already, that would probably add to it considerably. If I, as an eleven year old, were lost on a floor where I knew there was an area I was expressly forbidden to enter, I would be terrified I was in the wrong place (and of what would happen if I was discovered there). Just a thought.
“We’re meant to write up the history, brewing and uses of the Shrinking Solution,” I explained, “but I lost my potion’s…” This last bit confused me. When I see an apostrophe followed by an 's', I automatically assume you're using the posessive form of the word. If she was referring to her textbook, it would be without an apostrophe. See, it's confusing because it could mean so many things the way it's written.
But this just wasn’t anyone; this was Cedric Diggory. I just loved this bit. We've probably all felt that at least once, where one person seems twice as special as anyone else, where they stand out to you like that. It's so interesting to see it happen to Susan.
Lots of other girls with ask him, said a voice in my head.
But you’re different, replied the other one, you’re special.
What if he says no?
He won’t say no.
But what if he does? You’ll never be able to look him in the face again! I recognise those kinds of thoughts... I thought almost that exact same thing not too long ago; it's so fun to see her experiencing the same things most of us have gone through at one point or another. It makes her more real, I guess.
Overall, I really loved this fic, and the only things I found wrong with it were merely nit-picks. :) Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely long review! I\'m glad you liked it. <3 Concrit!
*gasps* Mel! Don't stop now! Is Chione going to be in it some more? Is Mecks in trouble? Oh, I just have one nitpicky thing to say - "...and I put my dope carefully away in a draw." Don't you mean drawer? Anyways, you already know I think you're a great writer. I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow, then :) Keep writing, I want to know what happens! *jumps up and down like a little girl* Byeeee.
You already know I like this story, Melly. :) *grins* I really enjoyed beta-ing this one. And plus, the title makes me think of a Queen lyric. ;)
I love the first paragraph. You have the ability to draw a reader in at the very beginning, even in the first few sentences. I wish I could do that...
You are also able pull the reader into the environment, and, (unfortunately for me) able to describe a scent (say, Snape's fake scent) and make your reader smell it.
I have nothing nit picky to say here that you haven't already heard, so I'll just say this: This is an excellent story, keep up the good work, and I hope to see another chapter up soon! :)
--TF (Aww, you think I'm brilliant? *feels happy*)
Author's Response: The title was suposed to be the drugs, XTC, or the feeling, like estatic or whatever. But it could also be like Queen's lyrics. :D Lol, Snape's fake scent, it's vile. I didn't know I'd wrote it like that until I actually re-read it and I was like... vile. Lol. Thankyou Dear TF!
Short, but sweet. I've never heard the song, but this is a great story. :) I didn't even imagine it as a canon pair, just two people at Hogwarts. I think it was really good that way, because then you don't have angry or happy shippers, you have readers (no offense to shippers). Well done.
Author's Response: Oh, I guess I've never thought of it as two people at Hogwarts. When I wrote it, I had a couple in my head (not that I'm telling any of you, mwhahahaha), so...hmm....
I'm not a big fan of the Marauders apart from Remus, but this fic has changed my mind. :) I think you've captured each character's personality really well. I like that Peter's not a complete wimp like some people make him, and Sirius isn't a dreadful womanizer. I especially liked the chess scene between Sirius and Peter! It definitely seems like something they'd do, and the poor king was so funny. Another thing I noticed was your word choices; they're wonderful. I have the dreaded SAR disease - almost all I use is said, asked, and replied, and it's hard to stop. You don't seem to have any problem with it at all! This is a great story, I'll be checking back again :)
Author's Response: Wow, thank you! Yeah, I\'m a HUGE fan of all the Marauders, and I really enjoy writing them. I don\'t see Sirius as a womanizer either. And y\'know what? I had that SAR disease in my early writing stages; my beta just forced it out of me. I\'m glad she did, though. O.O Anyway, thank you SO much for your thoughtful review. :)
That was fantastic. You obviously have a gift with words. In the very first sentence, you set the tone for the whole fic. It was so fitting, so lovely.
One thing I noticed is that while your writing really flowed well, it was more "modern" than they probably sounded back then.
I love the moths. And Helga's line 'I know I cannot dwell on something out of my control'--GUH.
Author's Response: :D Thank you! Yeah, it\'s a bit modern, I guess. It\'d be really hard to write something that fits the time that it took place. I\'m glad you liked it though. --Keri
*dies* It cut out half of my review. So, um, basically what I tried to say was that I love the moths, and I loved that you gave Salazar a sensitive side. You really brought that character to life and gave him depth. Helga was perfect as well. Excellent work. :)
Author's Response: Yay! There\'s more! *Smiles*. Thank you! I never wrote much about the Founders, and really like the idea. :D
This is a wonderfully written one-shot; the characterisation is fantastic, it flows within the scenes very well, and I love your Lily. So many people write her as Ginny in a different time, but you really gave her a unique personality. I love how sly she can be, even though she’s a Gryffindor. I have to agree with Ennalee about Sirius, but I mostly forgot about that as the story progressed.
My issue is that it seems to go too fast. It feels rushed, and it makes the transitions feel a little choppy. I have done hprare_exchange myself, and I know you didn’t have a whole lot of time to write it, so kudos for doing such a great job with that amount of time. However, now that it’s over, it might be fun to revisit this and really explore it. There’s so much you can do with this plot, and in that short amount of time, you’ve done a great job. I just think you could go further with it and it would be even better than it is now (and it’s fantastic already).
Now I get to gush. The romance between the two feels so natural that I can’t fathom why she chose James! It just worked so perfectly and you wrote it so well. I was having a bad day today, and this fic brightened it immensely. The scene at the end just made me feel all warm and fuzzy. :) I love that you can write fluffy scenes and keep your characters real and true to themselves!