A Black Rose and a White Lily
Update on August 9, '12- I have yet to start writing the fifth chapter. So that'll take some time. Okay, so, let's just admit this fic has been abandoned for now.
A Silent Change
Update on August 9 '12 - Chapter 4 was apparently with my betas. Chapters 5 and 6 were all written but I don't have any of these now. So, again, fic has been abandoned for now.
Update on August 9, '12- A sequel to my other James/Lily one shot: Beneath the Shell. A follow up one shot will be coming whenever. Okay, probably never.
I haven't written Harry Potter fanfiction in an age. I highly doubt I'll be writing any more any time soon and continuing these which I wrote forever ago? Don't think that's happening. Enjoy the one shots though. :)
Wow! So after reading this, I checked your author page and found out that this is the only fic you’ve got up so far. And I’m impressed. For a first fic, this is a very well written, especially when it’s a non-canon pairing. :) There are basically no technical errors, and the characterization was also good. But I’d like to discuss some things I found interesting.
Most of the fics I’ve read have Hermione in the top positions in the Ministry, mainly because she’s been a top student in Hogwarts and also ‘cause she’s Harry Potter’s best friend. But in your fic, she’s working in ‘the lowest position possible’. That is surprising and quite different. Although it is a good change seeing her working under someone for a change, it doesn’t seem right that she’s doing some unimportant work and that also for five years. She’s Hermione and she should work somewhere in the... middle at least. Also, a person gets promoted gradually, yes? One minute she’s working with papers, the next she’s promoted to some high job. I’d suggest you make her have a normal job, nothing too special, but nothing too menial. She can be tired of her work and want something more... challenging so that’s why she’s excited about the promotion.
About Draco, again you have characterized him in a different manner, but it does fit with the books, so, it’s fine. :) Actually, I’m even kind of glad that he isn’t the moaning, depressed type because of his past, but instead is having fun. And that makes me curious. Is this DH complaint? I mean, other than the pairing being AU, of course.
Over all, this was a great start. Now I’m heading off to the next chapter. :)
The starting to this chapter made me go all, ’Wait, what?’ but then I read the next few lines and laughed. :D But later it made me think a bit. Are you hinting at Hermione/Harry over here? I’m not too sure, but it does look like that even though Ginny is mentioned once. But then it could be possible that she’s ‘just a friend’ or something like that.
Harry reassuring Hermione instead of the other way round was also refreshing. In fact, I liked it that he thinks that Draco must have changed, but in the end he goes back to encourage Hermione in case Draco is the same old self.
Draco’s quite civil in his own annoying way, which is quite in character, not the civil part, but the irritating one. Of course, he'll show manners now that he's boss and if only to bug Hermione. But a physical trait which seems quite a cliché that you’ve slipped in: him having a fantastic, muscular body. But the work out part was hilarious. xD Also, the green curtains and carpet seems a very Slytherin related cliché though it's nice that it isn't all silver and green, but golden and green.
I mentioned in the previous review my curiousity about this fic being canon complaint or not. Seeing that Scrimgeour is in this chapter, I'm thinking that this not DH complaint so I'd advice you to put up the DH Disregarded warning. I'm eager to see how you'll show that Voldemort is defeated, how Draco managed to score such an important job that he's being considered as the next Minister and the rest.
This tiny thing:
In the first chapter: The day that Hermione, after having spent five torturous years working in the lowest position possible at the Ministry of Magic [...]
In the second chapter: Throughout her six years of working for the Ministry, she had never once had to face Malfoy and saw now that she hadn’t missed much.
First it says five years, then six. You’d want to edit that accordingly. :)
I really like the fic so far and am hoping for an update. :) Good job!
Aw, MJ, congratulations on getting this finally up. :D
Lovely story, of course, but then I might have mentioned that before. :p Great job, dear. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much Afifa! I know that this wouldn't have gotten up without you! You're the best! ~MJ =)
Congratulations with the validation, Fionnuala. :D
Great job! :)