Penname: electronicquillster [Contact]
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Member Since: 03/09/05
Website: http://community.livejournal.com/marwordology
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Status: Member
Bio:
I was born early on in life. For most of my life I was shorter than I am now, then I gradually grew to my current height.

I live by one motto:

"Revise or Die."

The only stories and series I am currently pursuing at this time are one-shots and the Regulus-centric series that started with 'The Watch Unwinds Until It Stops.' Part of this is because I've lost interest in my former WIPs, but most of it is because I've had computer problems over the past year and do not have access to all of my old work that I've already done and haven't yet posted for stories like the 'Lightning Bond', 'Paint the Silence', and 'A Smile that Explodes.' Those stories are postponed indefinitely.
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Reviews by electronicquillster
 

She'd Never Guess by Eve
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 25]

Summary: James and Lily find out that they have more in common than they'd ever imagined. This is a story showing that people aren't as different as we always think

Categories: James/Lily Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1827 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
12/17/06 Updated: 06/16/07


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 06/25/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I wonder at the beginning of your story. I donít think itís a matter of passersby not paying attention to Hogwarts and seeing ruins. Those people would be Muggles, yes? In which case they simply canít see Hogwarts at all, but I highly doubt they would go around the Forbidden Forest, and Iím pretty sure they couldnít make it onto the Hogwarts grounds at all - they have gates.

School could be stressing out...

I think you mean school could be stressing HER out. Unless she is simply concerned about how the school is feeling. The way you choose your wording in the next section is a little redundant. She Ďonce again wondersí and then two sentences later Ďnow considers the thought.í Those sort of contradict each other.

If Lily doesnít like writing Ďdear diaryí, then why does she? I doubt a bright girl like Lily would do that. Iím sort of discouraged that you portray Lily as such a broken girl who is seemingly desperate for a guy. Everyone who ever talks about Lily in the HP series remembers her fondly with very kind words, so it is evident that she was well-loved (even if that didnít include the Dursleys) so itís surprising to read about her being so sad when she was surrounded by people who loved her and was probably very popular because she was a very bright and genuine girl.

How convenient that James got a hold of Lilyís diary. I wish you luck in your future chapters. It would be nice to see more depth in this story instead of surface teenage angst that we see a lot in this category and on tv and etc.


Author's Response: Thanks for your thoughts. It\'s kind of nice to get constructive criticism. I\'m smart but lazy and I hate to redo things. It\'s great when people bust me for it. Anyways at the beginning of the story I was really trying to set the scene. I\'m great with dialogue but I suck at describing things. I really should do more editing and less throwing words around. As for the dear diary thing... I write in a journal and it motivates me more when I\'m writing TO somebody. Not just to myself. Lily basically was trying to make her diary some one she could write to, not just something she\'ll read later. I don\'t know if that makes sense but that was how I was thinking at the time. As for her being a \'broken girl\' that\'s not what I meant to sound like at all. But like most girls she just wants a little romance sometimes. Besides, I read a lot of Lily and James fics and I was sick of her seeming like such a bitch. A lot of guys at Hogwarts like her, as you\'ll find out when the 3rd chapter comes up but Lily wants that special guy, not just anybody. I hope you keep reading my story. You definitely challenge me.

 

Good-bye by tc015
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Remus Lupin has now lost everything that mattered to him - his friends and the love of his life. Weeks later, he makes the desicion to lose the last thing he has in hope of a new life. This is sonnet from his point of view.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Suicide

Word count: 104 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/17/06 Updated: 12/19/06


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 10/28/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Since I have to study poetry for my Crit Lit class right now, I figured practicing in the lovely MNFF world make it much more fun, and since I wanted to give you a review anyway, this works out just perfectly.

When I started reading the poem, I was just overcome by the extreme feeling of sadness, like walking into a fog. You obviously conveyed the feeling really well through your writing. I see the rhyme scheme running through your stanzas, but I actually didnít feel it in the reading until the third stanza, and then I went, ďOh, this has a rhyme scheme.Ē So I thought you did a very good job of not making it a glaringly obvious thing at first. I donít know if you did this on purpose, either, but it made sense for the rhyming not to be obvious until later because the feelings at the beginning of the poem are just sort of sadness and confusion.

When Remus comes to terms with what has happened is when that every other line rhyme scheme is obvious. And the rhyming continues (as you know, since you wrote it...) into the fourth stanza, but I like the visual cue in the change of form. The implication that things have changed, and that things are going in a different direction. I really liked that visual change correlating with the metaphorical change.

This was a lovely poem that I really enjoyed reading, Teresa.

Author's Response: Oh, thank you Mar! I\'m glad you liked the poem. I love writing poetry, and I plan on writing some more soon.

 

Summary: When Susan Bones meets Percy Weasley, she is not impressed -- especially not by the way he tries to use her. However, she believes in second chances, and in this troubled time they need all the allies they can get -- especially their families. Can Susan convince Percy of this?

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 5853 Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/08/07 Updated: 01/19/07


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 11/26/07 Title: Chapter 1: A Little Too Familiar

The opening line of this story is unique. A reader who had idly clicked on the story is immediately intrigued and pulled in to see exactly what sort of story this will be, since it started like that.

I must say that I admire Susan Bones very much. I see this quiet strength in her that I envy. I think I overcompensate sometimes for my own insecurities, but Susan does not do that. She is who she is, and nothing else. I feel like I really do know her by the time Iíve finished this story, but Iím getting ahead of myself. What I was trying to say was that I admire the way Susanís character handles this difficult situation she is thrown into at the beginning of the story. Itís difficult to deal with the loss of someone, but she is strong and goes to the Ministry to collect the things from her auntís office anyway.

Then thereís Percy. Oh so pompous at first, it seems. ďGood old Hogwarts.Ē Ugh. Such a trying-to-be-a-grown-up thing to say. But the thing is that itís not pompous, itís just Percy. Thatís who he is, and you donít play that up or down too much.

What I find interesting is that Susan has that quiet strength, yes, but that quiet aspect sort of follows her in every aspect of her life... To the point of her being almost unnoticeable to the casual passerby. I was reminded of the fact that Susan was in the DA, for example, because I really did not remember that, even though I knew it. I think that must be what Susan is like. However, once she is noticed, she is stuck pleasantly in a personís head, as we see happens for Percy as the story continues.

I love character stories, and this is certainly that at its core.

Author's Response: Thank you for your nice review, Mar! I\'m glad you delve into the characters like you do. And I\'m rather fond of that opening line myself. :) And...thanks for reading. finally. Have a nice day! *D*

 
Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 11/26/07 Title: Chapter 4: Stalling

Well, Leslie, after much urging, Iím glad I read this, and yes Iím saying this on my review for chapter four and not five. I donít know if I told you exactly how it happened, I think I only glossed over it. You said in your LJ that people should read it, but I didnít do it then, even though you said itís the best things youíve written. After that you linked me to it, and I merely saved it in my bookmarks bar for sometime later. Well, that later happened when I wanted to just do a short bit of reading before going to sleep. Just a chapter, you see.

But I read the entire thing, instead, even though I shouldíve gone to sleep directly after chapter one. I donít know if itís your absolute best, but I say that because I really like all of the stories you have written that I have read quite a lot. I think I would have to do a Leslie!story marathon in order to judge that more accurately. Suffice it to say that this is just a delightful story.

I couldíve reviewed the last chapter, but I wanted to do this one instead. I liked it particularly, you see. I think I wouldíve liked to see more of the development of the relationship between Susan and Percy, but it wasnít necessary. Just a want from a reader who loves really good romance stories. And though I wouldíve liked to see more development, that is because I think you do it so well. As I said in my earlier review about you not playing Percyís character up or down too much, it is the same with the romance in this story. Itís important, but the story deals with Susan, with Percy, with the atmosphere of the war around them, and with Percyís relationship with his family... and yes, the romance. Your balance between all the different elements in their lives is very nice.

I thought the scene between Susan and Ginny was well-written. Susanís quiet strength comes out, and so does the slightly sharp side of her personality - the side that is honest without fail.

I donít think I can say enough about Susanís character. Though she really does remind me of this girl I know that is particularly interested in Pine Trees, if truth be told.

I find the ideas you used in this story to be interesting considering the fact that DH didnít exist when you wrote this. Everything is so very logical, like the fact that they didnít have Hogsmeade weekends, but there were arrangements for family and friends to visit students inside the castle. The reconciliation between Percy and his family was very logical and fitting, as well.

Overall, I just loved this story. Youíre a brilliant writer, Leslie.

Author's Response: I\'m glad you read this too. Sorry it kept you up late, but...not really. I mean, yes really, but...*shuts up* I\'d be interested sometime in what else you could say about Susan\'s character. I like that you reviewed this chapter, I appreciate it. Thank you. Perhaps sometime a sequel. Or a DH-compliant companion of sorts. It is on my to-do list. Thank you muchly for everything, Marie. Have a nice day! *D*

 

Moonbeams by Ennalee
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 13]

Summary: She never was alive before, she thinks, trapped in the fading remnants of words, half-forgotten in the morning of an already fallen world. With a single touch he teaches her of colors, and life seems fresh and new in a vibrant world that is still young Ė perhaps things are not fading as fast as she had thought. Rowena/Salazar.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1893 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/18/07 Updated: 01/21/07


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 01/29/07 Title: Chapter 1: Moonbeams

Nan, this was a wonderful read. I was struck by the feeling of the short sections written the way you did. But honestly, itís all too beautiful for lame review words.

The first paragraph just feels...infinite. Is that possible for a description? It just makes my imagination spin with the lucious description and imagery. Seriously. I could eat that paragraph. The moonbeams and sunlight contrast between Rowena and Helga is great. I should probably stop this review because as Iím rereading, Iím remembering how incoherent my love for this is. Section two is just as beautiful as secion one, but it has a completely different element, obviously.

Perhaps she is falling already. She thinks she is enchanted by the moonbeams, but her traitorous mind asks her if it is not the darkness itself that she is in love with.

I think this thought process is just as complex for me as it is for Rowena. I love the way you expressed that. The darkness of the rest of the fic from this point onward is spun so well. I really donít know exactly what to say about it. Iím just so glad to have received this exquisitely crafted fic from you. The dark secrets and mystery feel so original/new in the fandom. The creativity is so great. The end is just...I sort of felt numb like Rowena. She loves him, and yet, she sort of cuts the dark and evil Salazar out of her heart and only keeps the memory of her good Salazar with her when she kills him. Itís a powerful story, Nan. Brava!

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing - I very much hoped that you would like this, since it was, of course, written for you! I was afraid that it was too dark for a Christmas story, so I\'m glad you enjoyed it. (As for creativity, the more I think about it the more I think that the end was probably influenced by the end of PotC, though I didn\'t realize it at the time. Make of that what you will!)

 

Fools by GringottsVault711
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: Percy seeks salvation, and is given an unexpected reaction from the woman in whom he seeks solace. [Percy/Penelope].

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2216 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/28/07 Updated: 01/28/07


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 01/29/07 Title: Chapter 1: Fools

This story has bewitched me, body and soul. Itís just simply lovely.

I like the opening of this story in that it sets up Percy perfectly for the reader. Percy may have acted like a complete git, but heís still a person and you ease us into his skin. Itís not a skin the reader is used to, but you make it easier for them to understand it.

The image you painted for Penelope in Percyís mind is very interesting. Everything good, every opportunity for redemption, hangs on Penelope. Itís such a bittersweet notion and endears Percy more to the reader. ďHis hope for renewal drew him to her.Ē I love that.

Penelope is so unique in this story. Sheís toneless with Percy, and then sheís passionate and stubborn about the rain. (And, ps, you know I love rain.)

Bwahaha! And then, as if this story wasnít already pretty good, it all of a sudden intensifies in greatness. Percy is hesitant to touch her cheek, yet he yearns to, and I so want him to in that moment, but he really canít and gah and you just wrote it so well! The end of that scene is just ... There arenít quite words. It just FEELS as perfect as that one scene in that one movie that is my favorite. Again, you wrote this parting moment between Percy and Penelope perfectly. Thereís still so much of that longing.

Percyís letter is perfect. The opening line is perfect. Really, it just is. There is Percy, laid out for all the world to see if they were to read this letter, but more importanly, heís open and honest for the person for whom he cares most, and thatís a scary thing.

And then their reunion. Guh. Itís absolutely ...

His head pounded with the reality, and every sense felt heightened, clarified. He was ready to rush to her, to take her in his arms, to press his lips to hers, when she spoke again.

ďIím a fool, Percy,Ē she said. ďBut so are you.Ē

ďYes, yes,Ē he nodded fervently. ďI know.Ē


Okay, absolutely lush. The entire scene here is lush. Thereís so much tenderness and love between them. It makes one believe in true love. Not Hollywood true love, but the real world sort. And I know you took a lot of inspiration and whatnot from a certain movie, but it doesnít change the fact that you were able to capture such brilliant emotions so well. I adore you, Jenna. Thank you for this exquisite piece.

 

Comfort Me by joybelle423
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 56]

Summary: HBP missing moment. While Harry was off talking with Scrimgeour after Dumbledore's funeral, what were Ron and Hermione doing?

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded

Word count: 1902 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/25/07 Updated: 02/25/07


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 02/26/07 Title: Chapter 1: Comfort Me

I really like what you've done to shape that lovely little drabble you turned in into this beautiful fic. Seriously, it's beautiful. And, I'm going to take like 1.274657% credit, because I gave you the "trees" prompt. The slow, yet natural, uncovering and exploration into their feelings for each other is so intricately simple and beautiful. I enjoyed every moment of it. A couple of things I wanted to comment on...

Their hands played together, stroking and exploring. It was the most intimate thing Ron had ever done, even more so than anything heíd ever done with Lavender.

Agreed, it's definitely intimate, and so simple, and just a very lovely action. I think it might sound better if you don't repeat "ever done" so quickly. I'd suggest perhaps, "...Ron had ever experienced, more so than anything he'd ever done with Lavender." I also took out the "even" there, simply because it seemed like over-emphasis, but that's just my own stylization input.

And then. The kiss.

Squee! I know you were totally agonizing over it, but it was brilliantly written. I was totally squeeing whilst I read it. Lovely, lovely. I can't wait for the next things you'll be writing for my class. Brava!

Author's Response: Thanks, Professor! *squees* I am so relieved about that kiss, you have no idea. And you\'re absolutely right about that repetition. I saw that, but then was so tired when I posted that I forgot to fix it ... oops. And you of course can have credit! I would never have attempted to write this at all if you hadn\'t poked me! *loves Mar*

~ Abigail

 

Vacillation and Volition by Fantasium
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 69]

Summary: When you refuse to make choices, life has a tendency to make them for you.

Being the illegitimate son of a particularly noticeable wizard, Lucas Malory has spent all of his life practicing the art of inconspicuousness. But when the brutal waves of war break upon the world, every man must make a stand for what he believes in. Lucas, determined to keep his distance and only mind his own business, suddenly finds his options banging impatiently on the door. When indifference is no longer an option, how will he decide where his loyalties lie?

A/N: This story was plotted out before the release of the 7th book, but as I continue writing after having read it, chapters may be inspired by/include spoilers from Deathly Hallows.


Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded

Word count: 39288 Chapters: 10 Completed: No
Published:
04/18/07 Updated: 05/10/09


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 05/25/09 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter Six - Conversations over Curses

Your stories always give me so much to think over when I read them, especially each chapter of this story. I looked back to see when last I reviewed this fic, and last time I had so much to say about the strong, tangible characterization. I feel that still continues in this fic. It has been ages since I read any of it, so I went back a couple of chapters just to catch up on what was going on, but I didn’t feel like I’d really spent much time away from the characters of Lucas and Charlie and Katie. The way you portray them remains so strong and singular through every installment of the story. Lucas is like no other character in fan fiction because you have established him so richly as who he is by detailing how he responds to things, how he deals with his empathy powers, and by showing how he’s opening up and creating that bond with Charlie.
I really love the way this chapter plays out. Until nearly the end of the chapter, nothing really happens in the sense of plot, and I didn’t notice that until nearly the end because I was so engrossed in the conversations that Charlie and Lucas were having over the dueling practice. You took something so natural and routine for them and used it as a tool to further explore who they are and what they think, and then, at the end, you have lulled the reader into so much character study that the reveal of why Charlie killed someone, and who it was that he killed comes as such a surprise, which was awesome. I’ll come back to that last, but how about the other things first, yes?
I adore the first conversation we see between them. It shows how they’ve fallen into being friends completely again, and you also are so clever in poking fun at the whole dragon keeper thing that is really kind of ridiculous, but so true in the fandom, and probably or undoubtedly true in the actual wizarding world. I just loved seeing Charlie be a bit exasperated about it, and then seeing Lucas’s amusement. But, as you pointed out in the narration, Lucas is feeling what friendship really is like for the first time, and that is what is significant about the seemingly insignificant conversation. We, as the readers, are feeling what it’s like for Lucas, and we’re learning more about him.
I loved how you then explored Lucas’s blooming connection to Harry Potter and how he feels curious about him since he’s connected to people that matter to Lucas, as opposed to before when he had no reason for interest. It’s such a true characteristic in real life, and the way you’ve illustrated it in the story gives Lucas just another layer, another way to jump off the computer screen and into brilliant life inside the reader’s head. You then teach us more about Lucas and give him more of a chance to grow in the conversation over girls and houses. Another conversation that was amusing, but also enlightening. You really do weigh everything you include in your stories, it seems, there is not an idle word or happenstance. Everything just adds more to the story, nothing is just for the sake of passing time. I mean, this entire chapter is a case in point. Yeah, they’ve got to find something to pass the time, so they’re practicing their dueling, and you’ve used it as an opportunity to enhance who they are and show us some of what they’re thinking.
The end scene of the chapter is powerful. You explore the concept of power and evil and good and the confusion and lack of understanding others motivations. It’s all very interesting. I appreciate that you don’t get into things too much and make it too heavy or tedious to read. You get into a topic just as much as you need to, and you leave room for the reader to ponder over the matter themselves without making up their minds for them, which is quite a powerful tactic for you as the author to have employed, especially in this scene.
I was very touched at how much the friendship between Lucas and Charlie just seems to grow, and they care about each other, and they’re working to understand any differences. Most of all, though, they have quite the bond of trust, now, and that is something that you’ve made very fascinating to watch. You didn’t just kind of snap your fingers and say, “Ta da, they’re best friends now, fyi,” but instead you’ve shown your audience the progression, and they’re still progressing, and you don’t neglect that at all. You don’t expect your readers to just buy into their friendship changing overnight, and I commend you for that. The chapter was wonderful, dear Anna.
Except… Oh, and this isn’t bad, in fact it’s so very good of you, but also very wicked. I want to know precisely what happened in the matter of Higgs and Ginny and you just didn’t give me enough details there. But good for you, keeping me dissatisfied because you did it so brilliantly.

 
Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 08/01/07 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter One - Memories and a Midnight Message

One thing I enjoy about your style of writing is the way you make the magical world you're describing sound - not like the fairy tale sort of place it is, but like the real world. An example of this is portrayed in the line 'A sight that was perhaps not frightening, but that would still make any sensible person walk faster and lock their door tightly once at home.' I've felt that many times myself, so yes... gives it such a real world feeling. And I must say I'm sad that autumn, my favorite month, can't currently be its pleasant, beautiful self in the story.

All the memories you give from Lucas... I envy him those powerful recollections.

What mustn't it feel like to be so wholly dedicated to a cause that you would willingly sacrifice your life for it?

I think you might mean 'must' there, instead of 'mustn't'. Though I do love the word mustn't.

As lucas' role in society, I guess you could call it, is described, I feel and identify with some of what you wrote: the semi-iscolation of being an only child; participating minimally in a group or organization; and knowing your departure will mean little, if anything, to the place you leave behind. I recently heard that a person I was on somewhat friendly terms with a year ago didn't remember who I was until the person he was talking to said "Marie and Shanae". Then he remembered who I was. And it's not a *terrible* thing, I suppose, but anyway, you did describe it very well.

Can I just say, YAY LAMPPOSTS!

Now, Lucas approaching the house... You know, until your narrative mentions the east wing, the house seems so inviting, and I'm anxious to get my reader self in there, and there's just a slight dropping of spirit when I read about it.

"Lucas! There you are! I thought for a moment there that..."

The grammar girl in me doesn't like having two 'theres' so close together. On the other hand, it is just Maximilian speaking, and we're not always perfect in our real life dialogue. I suppose revision of one of those 'theres' really depends upon how refined Mr Malory's speech is.

Yes, if I could have some cold meat and bread, and a glass of red wine[insert comma] too."
...

He almost jumped, not having heard the house-elf appeared behind him.


/other two nitpicks.

"Just like the two of you," he said to the big dogs who had settled on the rug before the fireplace.

Does this speak of other dog owners? Only saying part of their thoughts aloud to their faithful companions? It sounds like how I sometimes speak to my cats. -grin- We pet owners are ridiculously in love with our dear ones.

When Scrumpy returned with the food, he gently placed the glass of wine in Lucas' unoccupied hand, knowing that his young master sometimes forgot about matters like food and drink when he got his nose stuck in a book.

I love this book obsession in any person, so yay because I can latch onto Lucas' character in yet another way. Also, Scrumpy, and I assume Herby, seem to be a bit more presumptuous - for lack of a better word - with their servitude. It makes me think of Dobby and DH!Kreacher, in fact, with tells us that the Malorys obviously treat their hour-elves well. I love all of the subtle ways you characterize.

Oh snap. I must say that the execution of the rest of the chapter captured me in a way that I was unable to pause for any reflection whatsoever, much like any other authors I love. I appreciate balance in that respect: passages that are engaging, ones that prompt reflection by the reader, and places where I can feel free to pause, if necessary. You had a good blend of all those in this chapter.

It was truly lovely, Anna dear.

Author's Response: Thanks for another brilliant review, my Mar! This one had several useful notes in it, and I promise you that I will sit down and have a look at them when I get the time.

Yep, Lucas speaks to the dogs quite often, as does he to the horses and to other animals. Heís not a dog/animal person per se, and Iím sure that he couldnít handle a boisterous, bouncing Labrador Retriever or a nervous, young flying horse, but he gets along really well with calm and ďthoughtfulĒ animals. Because Grace often had owl babies at home, there has never been a cat at Merridown, but something tells me that he might really like a cat friend, and that a cat might be inclined to approve of him.

Youíre right about the Malorys treating their house-elves well. Maximilian can be a bit more demanding, but thatís just his character. Grace spent a significant amount of time teaching her son to always be polite and to respect all living things, and that helps him get by in a world where he might have been a bit lost otherwise. Whenever Lucas doesnít know how to act, he always falls back to a quiet politeness. /blabbering

 
Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 04/22/07 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue Ė Part One

Good heavens. I certainly didn't expect to be review number two on this story. I assuumed all other SPEWers would clamor to get reviews written for your wonderful writing. I actually feel a bit smug about reviewing your lovely story before the masses. Is that allowed?

>>

Though there isn't much to say in the way of concrit. Except that maybe you need to write more, and you punish the world by not giving us more of your fiction to read. You have such a gift with descriptions. You set a complete scene, yet you don't explain everything. The way you do this is in your ability to give the reader just enough framework so that they can complete the image in vivid detail in their own mind.

The atmosphere you've created for this wizarding society is so lush, even though, again, you don't explain it in detail. You hint at it, coloring a bit here and there - noting Lucius' thoughts about his father's feelings for his mother, questioning about the Veela blood and giving the direct answer. And !!! You mentioned the handsome Orion Black. I do love him. That's allowed, right? Because I would possibly fall into bed with him if Regulus didn't exist. Minus the possibly. Gah, this isn't relevant to your story. -makes it relevant- I like that you have more than just a few characters, you note the background, which makes it all the more real for the reader, drawing them right into that party.

Seeing Lucius at a bit of a loss of tact was so interesting. I don't know if that's the best way to word it. I guess it's more that he's just in awe and wonderment over this mysterious woman. It was so interesting to watch their interactions. Grace is a terrific character. I love her pull on Lucius. I want to know more about her.

I'm also very intrigued by Lucius' mother's hand in the Lucius/Grace tryst. I'm waiting anxiously for more of this story. I know you've been working on the Lucas story for....bascially the entire year that I've known you now. It's so great to see it actually come to life as a reader. This chapter was so well put together, I simply can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Hee. Yes, dear, being smug is allowed. Loving Orion Black is also allowed, if a little naughty. But hey, Iím all for naughty.

And, >.>, you want to know more about Grace Malory? *clears throat* I shall have to write a one-shot or two then. <.<

*reads through Marís review again* I really donít know what else to say, except that you are being way too nice to me and making me blush repeatedly. Thank you!

 
Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 06/25/07 Title: Chapter 2: Prologue Ė Part Two

Grace is fabulous, for the record. I love her. I just do. I actually.... didnít love her as much in the last chapter as I do in this chapter. Sheís just so independent and smart and logical, and I admire that in a person.

Lucius becomes so human for me in this story. He is young for the first part of this story, and I can feel that, but then you just continue to keep his ever-human heart beating. I feel that bittersweet feeling for he and Grace not being together, but I know why they arenít. -sigh-

Iíll just comment on a couple of other things. First, whatís this Ďcommon Hufflepuffí rubbish? Clearly Lucius has no idea what real Hufflepuffs are like. (Ed and Porter, for example, as well as Cedric. >>) Next, Abi and I have discussed before how exceedingly well you manage to cover all those years with just a few letters. Itís not at all tedious. Itís done perfectly. And then just... YAY LUCAS! And YAY ANNA WHO WRITES HIM!

Author's Response: *giggles* Thank you for such a lovely review, my precious Mar. I\'m glad that you like Grace better in this chapter - she\'s a person who\'s rather hard on herself, and although she lived her life comfortably, it was often far from easy.

Hee. Well, you wouldn\'t have wanted me to write a Gary-Stu Lucius, would you know? He can\'t be perfect, and so he must get something wrong - like the characteristics of a true Hufflepuff.

Thanks again, dear! :D

 
Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 02/05/08 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter Five - Maiming and Mending

You know, I think that Maximillian and Lucas are amazing pillars among men. Lucas is still very young, but he just feels unlike most of those around him, and though he is a bit unsure now and then, I respect him very much. I also mention Maximillian because of the letter exchange between he and Lucas. Though his grandfather is a strong, respectable men, not one to wear his heart on his sleeve, it is obvious again in just this small note - as it has been whenever he shows up in the story - that he loves his family very much, especially young Lucas. He'd do anything to protect them. This fact is so tangible, and yet you haven't spent paragraphs and paragraphs dwelling on it. You effectively show us, without over-showing us.

This is such a chapter of character. That is what I will continue to focus my review on.

There was no reason for you and Lucas NOT to win the award for the best original male character. His sense of duty, of love, of loyalty, and of logic combine to make him one of those amazing pillars, as I mentioned before. He's so concerned for his grandfather, and for his friendship with Charlie. I love that about him. He's not a Hufflepuff, but he has such a very good heart. He's very dear to me, as a reader, and I know I'm not alone. I love finding characters like Lucas. And maybe this may seem repetitive or a bit ridiculous to say after the seventh installment, after this story has been up since last spring, but the new chapter reminded me of it, and I feel for him more each time I read a little more of his story. This is undoubtedly a compliment to you and your writing, because maybe any writer could come up with a story like this, but only you could write about Lucas, and only you could do it in this way.

The tension between Charlie and Lucas is as painful to me as it was to Lucas. To watch the suffering of this friendship was painful. The scene of reconciliation was such blissful relief! I was so happy!

The interactions with all of the characters in this chapter was great to read. The emotions always feel very real, there's nothing fake about them. Well, I mean, there is Muriel who has her acts, but that is genuine Muriel, not fake Muriel. -giggles- Oh, she's such a horrid dear. She reminds me vaguely of my maternal grandmother and of bits I know and have heard about her own mother.

I find Lucas's empathetic abilities so fascinating. That's all.

The scene where Katie is brought in is so good. There's so much tension and worry that leaks off the screen, as it were. I would like to hear more about what the situation was that led to the desperate escape and tending to her nearly fatal wounds.

Katie, as a character, is already such a dear in this story, but I would say that my only piece of constructive criticism is that I really felt like the scene she was in was so very short, and only just mildly relevant to what is going on. Of course, you're the masterful author of this story, so I don't really question what you do and don't include, but I, as a reader, would've liked a little more from her in this chapter. Hopefully in the next, then.

The last thing I wanted to commend you on was the conversation after Katie has been stabilized. You make such a valid point through the words of Charlie. It is the relationships that we hold most dear that can hurt us most, and I love being able to read philosophies and truisms like this in fan fiction, because they're important to life, and why would we read something that didn't speak to us? Why would we write something that isn't important or true to us? You never fail to write meaningful things, and that is why this story stands out from so many others, Anna dear. I can't wait to read more. I long for the next installment. And in the meantime, I do believe I shall treat myself to a reread over the next week. And then wait as patiently as I can after that.

 
Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 08/02/07 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter Two - The Adversities of Azkaban

Oh! Such oppression from obligations! I certainly don't have dire/dangerous obligations like Lucas, but yeah... I'll pretend it's the same as my own life. Oh, Anna, I just love you. And Gah! Once you've brought up the rumors that will spread, I now think Lucius is so selfish and I hate him for putting Lucas into this position.

The scene-setting description you give for Azkaban is so chilling. It sets such an eerie mood that I nearly shivered. Probably would have shivered if it wasn't so bloody hot on this summer night.

Lucas' agony in the cell was my own agony.

Lucius, though I'm mad at him for making Lucas come to Azkaban, has me in awe of his actions, his influence, his intentions, and the task he has Lucas asking him for assistance in. This chapter really did not allow me much time to want to stop and write any notes. All I wanted to do was keep reading. I love that about your writing. Really. Even though in the review for the previous chapter, I said I appreciated a balance of engaging and simple, this chapter makes me think I was lying. Gah! I crave more! You turn over your storytelling to the reader so well. I'm left nearly incoherent at the end of this chapter. I need to know what happens next!

Author's Response: :D Another review from the bestest Mar! *grins* Iím so glad this chapter captured you, and even gladder that by the time I write this, I have already shared the next chapter with you. ;) I submitted it today, and I hope that you will think as well of it as you did of this chapter. =)

 
Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 11/26/07 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter Four - Relatives and Revelations

I really should have reviewed this ages and ages ago, shouldnít I? Especially considering just how long ago it was that I first read it. -ashamed-

With this story, I always feel like there is so much more going on than I really understand. It has the feeling of the canon books and any other books, that feeling where you know that there is so much youíre not picking up on, and that you will only see all the things that are happening once the story is finished and you go back to read it again. This is very difficult for two reasons. First, the author must have the plot and the future in mind (as well as mostly figured out) when writing. Second, the author must tell the story, setting hints of other things in, though without dropping obvious hints that insult the intelligence of the reader. Yes, the author has to sort of weave small things in that have the author feeling smug. They left that little unsuspecting line in there, and little does the reader know just how important it will be later. THAT is how this story has felt, and it still continues to have that feeling. This is one of the reasons I love it so much.

I should get back on track, shouldnít I?

I thought Lucas was interesting before, but Charlie is quite an enigma, almost outshining Lucas. Iím sure, though, that it is only in the way that he intrigues Lucas which makes him so fascinating. Oh, and that he is wanted for murder. That creates an undeniable curiosity. Well done with that, because you handled that situation so well.

When Lucas and Charlie are eating the meat loaf, I took a particular liking to this sentence:

Charlie, obviously ravenous after a day of hard work, attacked his food with delight and gusto, while Lucas enjoyed the meal at a more modest pace.

I never quite thought of combining the ideas of being ravenously hungry and enjoying food with delight and gusto. The latter two seem such light words, where ravenous is so desperate and powerful in my mind as a word. The juxtaposition is delicious. Not that your word choice isnít always great, of course. I think thatís definitely one of the strengths of Vacillation and Volition overall.

Auntie Muriel is fabulous, by the way. She simply is. I think the way that you have handled, and continue to handle, this story is very good. You are keeping to the essence of the characters (like Muriel), and you keep to Half-Blood Prince canon, but the way you project what follows is an alternate universe, yet something that seems completely plausible.

I cannot wait for more. And I want to know who Charlie killed and why! You evaded that too well. Hmph. Lucas needs to get over Charlie killing someone and ask him about it. Even though that doesnít seem very in character for him to do. Thatís just what I want. Though I have my own prediction as to what will happen.

I love the way the friendship is developing between Lucas and Charlie. They are two people I wouldnít necessarily have said would get on in normal circumstances, but now that they have been thrust together into this life of exile, I have no doubt they will become fast friends and stay that way for years to come.

Unless, of course, you have something else come up and split them apart and write it in that fabulous way you write everything. Lovely chapter, Anna, and Iím waiting very anxiously for the next.

 

Tainted by infinitelyrare
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 49]

Summary: She is wrong. She is wrong in so many ways, so many ways, in every way imaginable. I am with Lily; she is my girlfriend, I am her boyfriend - but she will never be my Lily. Sheíll always be his and even she knows it as she entwines her hand with mine. [CHAPTER 3 REPOSTED!]

Categories: James/Lily Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 8142 Chapters: 3 Completed: No
Published:
05/20/07 Updated: 09/05/07


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 06/25/07 Title: Chapter 1: 01. permanent

What a very original story and idea. I shall have to read the next chapter. It's so refreshing to see a new spin on the James/Lily story. After countless stories from the point of view of James or Lily, seeing the story from another POV is always interesting.

The tension that is obviously existent for Bertram and obviously absent for Lily is such an initeresting dynamic. He knows it's all just some sort of farce, and it seems like he's just waiting to see how long it will take Lily to realize she wants to be with James. It will be interesting to see how you develop Bertram's character. I feel so sorry for him, and I actually want him to break up with Lily and find someone else - and I know that's not the point of the story, but I can't help that that's how I feel.

I'm wondering how much Bertram really cares about Lily, how long he's known it's a dead relationship. I like stories that make me, as a reader, think outside of the normal scope. Brava.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I\'m really glad that you found the new perspective interesting, and so I only hope that you\'ll forgive me for my decision to have written the third chapter (which has been submitted) through James\'s point of view. I chose to do so because I wanted to try and examine Bertram and Lily\'s relationship through an outside source - in this case, James. I\'m so happy that you also have paid attention to the contrast between Bertram and Lily in terms of how they each view their relationship with one another; it\'s one of the points that I\'m hoping to further develop, and I, too, feel sorry for Bertram as I write this! So once again, thanks so much for reading and reviewing, and sorry for the delay in both responding to your review and submitting a new chapter! =)

 

A Marauder's Tale by NctnlBst
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: James and the Marauders are planning their biggest and boldest stunt to date. Their target... Professor Dumbledore. Lily Evans suspects that they are up to something, but is not sure what. Will the Marauders succeed or will Lily be able to foil their plans?

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 6002 Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/24/07 Updated: 06/23/07


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 06/25/07 Title: Chapter 1: Project Headmaster

Iím intrigued about the direction your story is going in. The Marauders are certainly ambitious. Just a couple of technical notes.

ďIím telling you, something is following us!Ē pleads the shorter boy.

I donít think heís Ďpleadingí here so much as he is insisting. Heís insisting in a paniced way, but insisting, nonetheless.

This leaves the taller boy unfazed...

This could be better worded as maybe ĎThe taller boy remains unfazed.Ē

While you have gone the entire first part of the story using epithets, you all of a sudden refer to the shorter boy as Peter a line before the tall boy calls him Peter. Thatís sort of... illogical. Better to use the epithet until he has been named in dialogue.

I like the fiery interraction between James and Lily. Itís so nice not to read about James just rolling over like a dog every time Lily pays attention to him. I also love how seroiusly the four boys are taking this business of pranking of Dumbledore.

 
Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 06/25/07 Title: Chapter 2: The One-Eyed Witch

Iím intrigued about the direction your story is going in. The Marauders are certainly ambitious. Just a couple of technical notes.

ďIím telling you, something is following us!Ē pleads the shorter boy.

I donít think heís Ďpleadingí here so much as he is insisting. Heís insisting in a paniced way, but insisting, nonetheless.

This leaves the taller boy unfazed...

This could be better worded as maybe ĎThe taller boy remains unfazed.Ē

While you have gone the entire first part of the story using epithets, you all of a sudden refer to the shorter boy as Peter a line before the tall boy calls him Peter. Thatís sort of... illogical. Better to use the epithet until he has been named in dialogue.

I like the fiery interraction between James and Lily. Itís so nice not to read about James just rolling over like a dog every time Lily pays attention to him. I also love how seroiusly the four boys are taking this business of pranking of Dumbledore.

 

Deign by miss padfoot
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 24]

Summary: HBP missing moment. After Ron gets poisoned on his birthday, Lavender and Hermione come to visit him.

This is for SPEW 007, prompt 'Deign'.

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1542 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/08/07 Updated: 06/16/07


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 08/27/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

As I read this story, it seemed as though Iíve read it before... Maybe I read it in the 007 forum? ...Or was it for my romance class? I donít know. But it was a lovely treat to read through (again?) tonight. :)

Thereís not much I would change about this, and not even much to remark on.

(Except maybe I would take out Lavender. Grr. She was so annoying, and I just wanted to be completely rid of her. Just like Ron. -grin- Obviously you did your narrative job spectacularly well, as that was the point you were trying to get across.)

I was very relieved to see Hermione, just as Ron was. I enjoyed the easy conversation between them. They truly know each other so well, and you did a very good job showing that. Nothing seemed forced. I actually felt that way through the whole fic. This was a believable missing moment. It felt like something that could easily have been written up by JKR. I mean, the writing style is your own, still, but it has the air of canon. The romance isnít piled on too thick, and thatís something that rings true with her books. Very nice tone, dear SPEW buddy. Thatís why I actually wanted to review this one. It simply felt right. Thanks for such a lovely read!

Author's Response: Hee, it\'s part of SPEW 007, actually. Didn\'t I mention that somewhere in the summary or something? I thought I did. Hm, anyway, thank you for the lovely review. :) I\'m glad you found it believable. *squishes*

 

Summary: CoS missing moment. Why was Penelope Petrified with Hermione? Did Hermione tell her about the Basilisk? What really happened that day?

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1309 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/29/07 Updated: 07/02/07


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 02/24/08 Title: Chapter 1: Mirrors and Their Practical Uses

Well, it has been quite a while since I read this story. At least six months. I'm mentioning this in the review because it will be interesting to read something that I read once long ago as well as something that you wrote quite a while ago and see what the differences in my perception are.

It's hard for me, such a romantic, to read genfic sometimes, but I do like it, and this is a great missing moment, something that certainly hasn't been written a million times over, and so it's a fresh story to read, even when the reader has read it before.

I can't help but think that, when Hermione leaves the boys for the library, that the story would be pretty enthralling if we had gotten to see her thought process as she had this grand pipe epiphany. In the first paragraph, you had the small, almost insignificant phrase of 'small wonder' in reference to Harry and Ron discussion Quidditch, and that was a very subtle, yet grabbing moment for the reader. It gives Hermione a spark of personality, and urges the reader to continue to find out what else Hermione is thinking. So then when the reader gets to the fourth and fifth paragraph, it feels a little bare because there isn't any illumination into Hermione's mind. But you bring it back in the sixth paragraph when she's 'searching for the book she knew was there'. It's just little phrases like that which I feel could draw in the reader more.

But oh snap.

I absolutely adore your introduction of Penelope in this story! I had completely forgotten, but it's so perfect, and so exactly the kind of person Hermione needs to encounter in that moment - someone so very like her. I'm so amused by it. I think that the dynamic and similarities between Penelope and Hermione are what make this story so interesting. Well, you know, aside from the fact that no one else has written this situation.

The only other thing I would say is that this story does feel rather rushed, and you could've articulated more the thoughts Hermione was having and given more of a natural flow to the situation that developed between Hermione and Penelope. There's a lot that they talk about, but it's all very rapid. It can be difficult to handle conversations, but I've seen you do it rather well in other stories sometimes, so I know you can do it. I think sometimes you're just eager to finish the story already. -wink- Not that there's anything REALLY wrong with this story. It is a very solid story, these are just the things I think could've made it better, and things that I think you might keep in mind next time you write Penelope. I mean next time you write, because I'm totally not hinting at the fact that I would be keenly interested in seeing you write some Percy/Penelope as she is here. No, why would I say that? I'm just leaving you a review. -shifty eyes-

 

She Was Beautiful by social loner
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 19]

Summary: Draco relives his happiest, most painful memory of love and pain as he fights for his life. But what is worth living for when what you want, love, has left forever?



ďDraco didnít know what it was, whether it was the intoxicating appeal of forbidden fruit, or the way her hair blew in the breeze, with lovely brown tendrils that lay elegantly down her back. What he did know, was that she was beautiful.Ē



Iím Social Loner from Hufflepuff, and this is for the June one-shot challenge.



Categories: Draco/Other Character Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded, Character Death, Suicide

Word count: 3033 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/01/07 Updated: 07/01/07


Reviewer: electronicquillster Signed
Date: 03/01/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Well, I am here with that review to thank you for your banner services. –grin-

I loved the writing of the opening sequence between Draco and his mother, with him being carted around Diagon Alley as this young boy. It’s written very well. However, I did feel that Narcissa’s being so put out by Draco might be a bit out of character. She comes across so devoted as a mother in both HBP and DH with such a powerful love for Draco that I don’t think she’d be so aggravated by him. She might be a bit tired of his actions maybe if Draco was having one of those grumpy kid days, but I don’t think she’d be so short with him. In fact, when I read that first sentence where Narcissa ‘guided him forcefully through,’ I thought for sure you had accidentally chosen the wrong word.

Also, I’m a little bit doubtful that any five year old boy would be so extremely taken with a beautiful little girl, having his breath catch in his throat, but it is nice to read. It’s kind of how I feel at the end of the entire story. It was a very gripping read that had my attention until the end. I was feeling what Draco felt, and it was all very powerful. However, I found myself questioning some things throughout. I feel like, upon reflection of those things I had questions on, if you had expounded a little more on each of the scenes and provided a little more for the reader, there wouldn’t be this feeling of doubt for me at the end. It just felt a little bit like you were in a hurry to get to the end of the story (and it does call for being a quick story), but I really could’ve done with more depth and layering so that there wasn’t any room to question things. Those things, in particular, were Loralie letting him know that first evening at Hogwarts that they weren’t to have anything to do with each other; and then Draco just kissing Loralie, Loralie letting him, and then breaking it off and being so firm about their families not approving of a relationship between them.

 
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