I am a thirtysomething mother of two, a boy and girl, both too young to read HP. I am obsessed with Harry Potter, especially anything to do with Severus Snape. However, my favorite author is Anne McCaffrey, and my favorite fictional character is Afra from McCaffrey's Tower and Hive series. Severus is a close second, though.
My favorite movie is The Abyss, but only the extended version. The original theatrical release made no sense.
I love reading HP fanfiction. I would like to write more myself, but alas, I have neither the time nor the patience. Maybe someday.
Yay! An update to one of my favorite stories! I was thinking of your story just a few days ago and wondering howit was progressing. I was so happy to see the update notice in my inbox. One nitpick, though: Polyjuice Potion lasts only an hour, not a full day.
I love Mary's line about how the two are eejits always getting her in trouble and why they must be friends. And your portrayal of Sirius and Regulus's relationship feels just right.
Author's Response: But wait, it did last only an hour! :) Now I have to explain. :) I packed a lot into that hour, but my idea of it was: He hears about the plot when his roommates return in the early morning, he figures he needs to go in disguise to undo the damage his roommates have done, Lily (inadvertently tipped off by Regulus the night before) gets up early and follows him, he heads off to an unused classroom to transfigure and sneaks out because he suspects he's being followed, she loses him but Mary sees him (as Lily) heading out of the building, they go get Lily's stash of Polyjuice and (yep) one hair from the "best friends" token thing they did when they were kids (chapter 3!), and Lily heads out and looks around the grounds, encounters Avery, etc.-- arriving back at the castle in time for breakfast to let out. Just a very busy hour in the morning. :) The Polyjuice lasts only long enough for her to get him to the Hospital wing and confess to Madame Pomfrey, which is why she's in such a big hurry to get past Potter and Black-- she has a good idea of about when he took it, since she was following him, and she knows they're down to mere minutes. Does that make sense? Glad you liked the Sirius and Regulus relationship-- that's just always how I pictured them. OK, now to get cracking on chapter 15-- back to Severus's POV.
Well, where are you going to go now, huh? All is forgiven! No, I'm not criticizing; this was a sweet chapter. Lily's sense of honor would definitely allow her to forgive Severus based on this new knowledge.
So, they're friends again. Now what? And when will we hear from Llwellyn again? There are still so many plot points to be resolved. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Great update. I was worried at first that it was going to relate only the last chapter from Severus's point of view. I'm glad it continued beyond that and progressed the story.
Author's Response: OK, I'm having writer's block-- I know where I want this to go, just having some trouble getting there. You're right-- there ARE so many plot points to be resolved. I'm working on it! Sorry it's taking so long, and thanks for sticking with it. :)
Oh, I thought it said something about having until the clock struck midnight???
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing out that this was confusing. :)
Oh, it was a Cinderella allusion, right? As Severus would say, I'm a dunderhead. Sorry.
Author's Response: You're definitely not a dunderhead-- I reread it, and I can see how that could be confusing. I edited it just now and tacked on a little extra to the Cinderella allusion to make it clear-- thanks for pointing that out. :)
Are you still working on this story? I hope so. Please keep writing!
Good chapter. Can't write more right now, but I'm always happy to see updates.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm working on the next one. :)
Oh, this makes me miss my sister. Very sweet story, and I agree that you've used the quotes nicely.
Author's Response: Oh, sorry about missing your sister. I\'m glad you liked it, and thanks for the review!
I agree with the previous reviews that all the characters are written very well in character. I noticed a few awkward sentences, but that's just the former English teacher in me.
I also noted the "greater good" phrase and find it interesting that it was not intentional. I agree with X that it adds another dimension to the scene.
I have to disagree slightly with Elf, though. I think the reason Severus reacts so violently to Harry's calling him a coward is that he has just killed the only person whose faith in him never wavered. It is the context, not the word, that enrages Severus in that scene. Even with all their history, Sirius's use of the word here would not cause an explosion in someone as controlled (usually) as Severus.
I'm still reading; I just got distracted and didn't review right away. Please keep writing. I'll try to write more later.
Author's Response: Thanks so much Sariana. Don't worry, I'm not someone who demands 'X' amount of reviews before updating, I'm just working around real-life work issues at the moment so haven't had the chance! I'm still writing this in dribs and drabs though, the next chapter should be up soon enough :D
Oh, I was hoping Severus would say he had decided to take the detention himself.
I'm glad you updated. I haven't given up on you. I will have to go back to re-read the last chapter, as I can't remember hat led into this one. But I'm really glad to see this story isn't abandoned.
Author's Response: Thank you! I know, I must be the worst author here for updating. I get very excited by a story idea, start writing straight away, and then don't get time to finish it. I HAVE to stop doing that. However I have no intention of abandoning this, it's a story I really want to do. This time I can truthfully say that updates should be more frequent as I now have more time on my hands and I have actually got a lot of the story written, even to the JKR extent of having the last chapter completed :D Thanks so much for your speedy review!
"I must be the worst author here for updating"
Not by a long shot, my dear. No worries.
Author's Response: Aw thanks. Wow people worse than me? That's an eye-opener haha
Hmm, many loose ends. What catastrophe is Severus hoping to avoid? Will we learn more about that bit with Scrimgeour? Oh, wait, I was thinking the first part happened later. He was hoping to avoid catastrophe at the wedding? Is that it?
The timing of this chapter is obviously confusing me. I thought the first part was "now" and the rest was a flashback. But upon re-reading I'm thinking only the italicized part is flashback. Is that right? Sorry to be so dense; I haven't had much time for reading and flew through it much too quicly to process it.
I still really like your idea of telling the story from Severus's point of view. I look forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: Yes, your re-reading was correct; the catastrophe avoided was the wedding. The only flashback was the Scrimgeour part which I italicized to avoid confusion. It's a longer chapter than I usually write so it does require alert reading! I am telling book 7 from Snape's view to an extent, but I am using this story mainly as a platform for background to the story of Snape and Lily's relationship. Hope that still appeals!
Oh, please continue. This is a great premise.
I love the juxtaposition of Severus's feelings and the bright, sunny day.
I'm looking forward to more.
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm trying to type as much as I can before I begin posting again as I am quite notorious for long absences between posts. However, I am determined that won't happen this time!
Severus is my favorite character, as well. I found your story while looking for stories about him. I always felt sorry for him in this scene, even before I finished DH. (I NEVER doubted his allegiance--well, not for long.) Your comment about her using his given name caught my attention. I wrote a story that takes place just before Severus confronts Minerva when Harry and Luna are under the cloak. (Severus Snape and the Sorting Hat--here at MNFF) I put in a line in which Severus addresses Dumbledore as Albus because I noticed that he never does in the real books. That bothered me, so I had to write my own vignette. I would think SS and AD's relationship had evolved to a first-name status.
This story is beautiful. That last year at Hogwarts must have been so painful for Severus, more so than any other period in his life, I would think.
I don't find either this chapter or the previous one strange. I did notice a couple of problems with your point of view and pronouns in this chapter--minor editing issues.
I know almost nothing about chess, but even so this chapter was engaging.
Author's Response: Thank you - neither do I, other than the very basics, so I made sure that I didn't describe the whole game. I shall have a read through and see if I can correct some of those errors.
Your premise is intriguing. I usually prefer the third-person point of view. Since you are using the first person for two different characters, is there any way you can change the font for one of them? I was briefly confused as to why Nicole would be talking to DD's portrait.
I look forward to reading more of the story.
Ah, my poor Severus.
Again, the shift in narrator is confusing, especially since the order is reversed in this chapter. I began reading thinking the speaker was Nicole.
Please don't take my comments to mean that I don't like your story; I do. But then, I love anything with Severus in it. Sigh.
Wouldn't Severus use a Memory Charm on Ginny and Neville, to make them think they had served the detention he described to Amycus? Otherwise they might spill the beans and put Severus in danger...
It's a good thing Severus has been practicing being sarcastic all those years. It is second nature to him to insult students.
I forgot to mention when I reviewed the previous chapter: Amycus's threat that he would punish Ginny & Neville reminded me of what I've heard about military training. If one trainee can't cut it, everyone else is punished (with push-ups or whatever). It is a powerful way to "break" someone.
I hope you plan to have more Luna in your story. She is a fascinating character. Ginny seems a bit mean in your story. But then again, it is from Nicole's perspective.
I don't think Severus was particlary unfair to Nicole. She was probably expecting a lot worse.