Penname: Torpedo Joe [Contact]
Real name: Rob
Member Since: 04/11/07
Website:
Beta-reader: 1
Status: Member
Bio:
Hey, I'm Rob and I've been a member of this site for a while but i keep forgetting my various passwords so I have to keep making new accounts

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Reviews by Torpedo Joe
 

Summary: James Potter: Marauder. Lily Evans: Prefect. They're both seventh years at Hogwarts. They're also about to have a pretty interesting year--complete with a few detentions, pranks, confusion, and laughter--in which they get through school, make some trouble and maybe, just maybe, sort out their feelings for each other.

Thanks to all you who have made it possible for this story to be in the Top Tens. It was a very happy moment when I first saw my story on the list, and I love being able to go back and see it there now. Still. Yay!

Throughout the latter half of 2010, and the first half of 2011, I re-edited this story. The changes were mostly to fix stray (and annoying) grammar and spelling errors, but also to rework some plot points in an effort to stay truer to canon. I also updated the style; having written this story so long ago, my writing has definitely developed (and I would say gotten better), so I edited to reflect that. (I apologize for the errors that were in the story before all this editing. I found them immensely distressing when I reread my chapters. Heartbreaking, really.)


Big “thank yous” go to the three people who helped edit/nitpick the first edition of this novel: violagirl, fairiesandcream, and Omagus.
And yes, this story is up on Fanficition.net under the penname: Io.Sono.Emilia.
Of course, as a disclaimer, I’m not JK Rowling. The Potterverse does not belong to me, but I am in it and love it.

Categories: James/Lily Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 158315 Chapters: 50 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/28/05 Updated: 07/23/07


Reviewer: Torpedo Joe Signed
Date: 06/17/07 Title: Chapter 43: Even More Detentions

I was rereading some things and i came across an interesting suggestion I thought i might well... suggest. Try and characterize the emotions of your characters a little more thoroughly, because while im reading, sometimes I think to myself: "Wait? was james joking when he did/said this? cuz it sure seemed so... but then why is lily mad at him? huh..." im really loving the plot, but i was a LITTLE disappointed that it took so long to have a fluff chapter. i think the first one was like on chapter 27 or so... somewhere around there. I dont know much about how you like to write not based on this story, but i think that you should have a chapter of fluff every 6-8 chapters or so, to give your readers a little breat from the action, ya know? i thought the fluff you had in there executed what i suggested brilliantly, just try and do it a little more often. keep up the good work.
cheers,
TorpedoJoe
ps im getting my second chapter ready for submission, and thanks a lot for reviewing to my story, i was so happy i even put a suggestion to ready your story in my authors notes at the end of chapter one... i know im a loser. haha im gonna be a junior but i still act like a freshman at times... well, i think ive wasted enough of your time.

Author's Response: Hmm...not quite sure what you mean by \"characterizing emotions\". What situation did you wonder at most? There are sometimes when James acts sarcastic... *giggles* Sorry, I just can\'t quite get over the fact that I guy is telling me to add more fluff in. Hehe. I guess that\'s what having a girl friend does for ya, huh? X\'D. There was a stretch of pretty sad stuff, wasn\'t there? Quite a few people have commented about that. :-( Not everything can be sunshine and diasies though. Thank God, that would be a bit too... seventies. *shudder* But, I\'m glad that you liked the fluff that was there. *is happy* Second chapter!? Yay! Your story is on my favorites list, so i should be told when it\'s up. And you put a suggestion on you story!? I feel so special!!! *fuzy feeling* And there\'s nothign wrong with acting like a freshman at times; I\'m going to be a junior too and I still act like a freshie at times... Random times. :-)

 
Reviewer: Torpedo Joe Signed
Date: 06/21/07 Title: A Few Detentions and A Story

is this chapter up or what? lol it won't let me on but it sez its up


Author's Response: No, silly! It\'s not up yet. I just uploaded it today...not that you didn\'t know that already. :-)

 
Reviewer: Torpedo Joe Signed
Date: 06/20/07 Title: Chapter 43: Even More Detentions

i get confused sometimes because it seems like someone is joking around, and then someone sort of flips out on them, it's not that big of a problem either, mainly in the early chapters... hmmm... an example. okay, when sirius asks stacey about her name... she FREAKS on him... i was sitting there and i was thinking, man, even if my last name was assmonkey i wouldnt flip out that bad... excuse me for the language but i think assmonkey is the greatest word ever. and to the fluff part, im not the huge fluff fan i dug myself into, but i like in some stories they draw the tension away, like you said. and 2nd, you have very good fluff. its not sappy at all, and i love it. Ive been getting annoyed with the story life happens by colorofangels lately because, however great the first 25 or so chapters, he/she (i think its a she, but i havent looked at the profile in a while) has put nothing but fluff in, and what a good author needs is a balance. and haha to the comment about my girlfriend, yeah shes a sweetheart, but ive always been a sucker for romance. lol i didnt even hate the prince and me OR a cinderella story, but i WILL NOT watch the notebook ever again. dont rip my head off please. ps no i am not whipped either lmao.
keep it up,
Rob "Torpedo Joe" S%@#$!!#
(I dont think im allowed to put my last name up... effin myspace pedophiles messin it all up for everyone!)

Author's Response: Yeah; nothing but fluff; no fun. Ack. Like Cotton Candy. Little\'s yummy, alot is not good. At all. Ack. And just for everyone else who\'s interested in how I respond to my reveiws: I don\'t like the Notebook that much. It was good, but not that great. Romantic, but lacking in something. The Prince and Me was cute, and Cinderella story wasn\'t bad at all. Emily \'LaneTechFreshie\' *_*_*_* X\"D

 
Reviewer: Torpedo Joe Signed
Date: 06/15/07 Title: Chapter 43: Even More Detentions

okay you know what? i love this story and i cant stop reading it. and in an earlier (WAY earlier) chapter, you wondered if there were any guys that read the stories of romance, and i am a guy, and i dunno about the rest of our population, but i am a sucker for the romance... and i am heterosexual, and have a girlfriend... i dont really know how everyone handles stereotypes so i thought id add that in... well anyways, im actually writing a romance (h/g) called you have me still because im breathing... ive only got one chapter up bu thats how all great stories start right? well if you could take a look id be honored.
peace,
TorpedoJoe

Author's Response: Huh...I was just editing the story again and I noticed that A/N- I too am honored that you took the time to review. And that you read it. Thank you very much. It\'s nice to know that I\'ve got a guy out there reading. X\'D And before I sign off... I\'ll got check out that ever popular and ever important first chapter!

 
Reviewer: Torpedo Joe Signed
Date: 07/18/07 Title: Chapter 45: Montana

wow, sorry it took me so freaking long to post a comment, but Ive been in Colorado for the past week and havnt had much time. I finally got #2 finished but wouldnt ya know it: the queue is closed. ah well, the best things in life are worth waiting for i guess. anyways, great chapter.

Author's Response: Hahaha. Lucky you. I would LOVE to go to Colorado. My sis is going later this week. Argh. Anyway- the queue is open for one more day... Get it in quick! But i agree; the best things in life are worth waiting for. :-)

 
Reviewer: Torpedo Joe Signed
Date: 06/27/07 Title: Chapter 44: America, Anyone?

verry verry good! i like it. not so sure about montana though.i woud have picked denver colorado or north carolina or even chattanooga tennessee, but no doubt you have your reasons. good work, im working out the kinks in my 2nd chapter, so look for it soon... although im going to minneasota for a couple weeks this sat.thru like july 10 so ill bback for the 5th movie... cheers til then, thanks for the mention.
peace,
Torpedo Joe

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I choose Montana because I knew it was gorgeous. CO, NC or TN don\'t sound terrible at all! I just... prefered Montana for some reason. :-) Minnesota. Fun. I will look out for that chapter. :-)

 

Summary: This story takes place right after Order of the Phoenix ends. Voldemort is powerful once more, and people are dying left and right. Attacks happen almost every day. Harry Potter is faced with a choice of whether to back down or take some chances. And not just regarding the war.


This story will be Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione, but will have the feel of a general story, but the plot will be focused around the relationships. Among the ships MIGHT be (ok hereís where I mess with your heads: James/Lily, Fred and George/other character, other character/havenít decided. I will have a few new characters, a dramatic change in a couple characters.


Rated PG-13 for some swearing (later) and sexual content (also later


Categories: Ron/Hermione AND Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Sexual Situations, Violence

Word count: 4050 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
04/18/07 Updated: 05/01/07


Reviewer: Torpedo Joe Signed
Date: 06/16/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed

okay so to anyone reading these reviews, ive made a few formattind changes and a couple very minor text changes.
cheers,
Torpedo Joe

Author's Response: why am i responding? because i respond to all my reviews!

 
Reviewer: Torpedo Joe Signed
Date: 05/30/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: I don't have time to bleed

woot

Author's Response: should I really be responding to my own review... especially if its one word? whatever.

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