Summary: Ron regrets some of the things that happened in the past, but is it too late to change them? As Hermione seems to be perfectly happy with her long-term boyfriend Terry Boot, it would seem so - but Ron has never been a quitter. Although as he strives to make things right, he almost wishes that he was... Will he be able to win back Hermione's heart, or will someone else get there first?
*tag breakage = reposting of the review*
*giggles* I would have never expected Terry Boot and Hermione Granger to get together. I totally loved the raised-golf-club scene in the beginning of this chapter. It's so classically wizard-using-Muggle-object weird that it makes me laugh. To be honest, I could really see Hermione with a driven man in the way you've described Terry more than Ron...but I'm no Ron/Hermione shipper, so...*shrug*
I loved the Vicky mention, because we all know that Ron NEVER lets things like that go! *stupid, stupid boy* The last line of dialogue - breaking off before "I love you," was beautifully done. :) And it's JUST like Ron to not get what she was just about to say. (Can you tell I'm not too big a fan of dear old Ron? Hee.)
Well, anyway, Hermione's casual "mistake" of naming Angela as the "ex" in front of Claire was totally IC and totally hilarious. I was reminded of the Oppugno scene in HBP; of course, Hermione's grown more subtle with age. ;)
So anyway, I really liked the Terry/Hermione pairing. I think they could have a good chance at working out if Terry's workaholic tendencies were worked on.
It was a great chapter; lovely flow and beautiful characterization. You never lose your touch; the humor was still there. You're really got Ron and Hermione's characterization down pat and despite not being a Ron/Hermione shipper, I did enjoy this!
Thank you! *hugs*
Author's Response: Thank you so much Kumy! *hugs* Yes, I thought that Hermione could end up with someone like Terry, who\'s as driven and shares similar interests to her - but to be honest, I\'m not sure it would work out - they\'re too similar. I think Hermione needs someone like Ron to even her out - but will Hermione realise that? I\'ll admit that Terry\'s far safer a choice - but is that better? It could be. *giggles* Yes, I do enjoy writing arguments - and guys can be so stupid at times, can\'t they?! Oh, Kumy, I heart you, but I heart Ron too! Oh, I am so glad that you liked Hermione\'s \"mistake\" there and thought it in character - for, well, a girl\'s gotta do what a girl\'s gotta do! I did really, really enjoy writing that bit in particular. I\'m glad that you can see the Terry/Hermione pairing - as they do have potential - but could they live with each other forever? I guess we\'ll have to wait and find out. I am so so glad that you enjoyed this as a whole, despite our ship differences, and thank you so much for reading, Kumy! *hugs*
I love how you characterized Ginny here. Way to go, Hermione, for showing Ron who's boss! I thought this was an awesome chapter. I'd like to torture Ron, too...can I help? *pulls out tools* I'm ready whenever you are, dear! Put me in there!!! :)
P.S. This is your complimentary review. Thanks for entering the Gryffindor In-House Challenge! :D
Author's Response: Heya Kumy! *Giggles* Of course you can help torture Ron! Although I think more than a few people have got that covered for the next few chapters... Thanks for reviewing!
Summary: One never recovers completley from a loss of a loved one. Especially one that you never knew you loved.
Yes!!! Ginny/Draco is my OTP. YAY!!! I found an awesome Draco/Ginny story...
-sigh- Angst is the only way to go with this ship. The emotions you laid down and your word choice were simply exquisite. Great job!
Thanks again for helping me out, and I hope this review makes up for the effort you spent! :)
Your Fellow Gryff,
Summary: Cassandra Pralent was your typical pureblood- rich, spoiled, and prepared to go to Hogwarts as soon as she turned eleven. But Professor McGonagall delivers horrible news- Cassandra is a Squib. When she is rejected at home and at school, she is forced to accept unlikely friends. And just when Cassandra feels life is getting better, her fate becomes entwined with that of the Trio in a most sinister fashion…
I love your dialogue. That's the first thing. Second thing is I'm reviewing this because I did want to review at least one OC fic from all my classmates in Transfiguration.
Third thing is I believe Squib should be capitalized. You may want to check the Lexicon about that. ;)
Anyway, your detail is phenomenal - I can practically see each scene unfolding before my eyes. I also really like your characterization of Mother and Father. Though they're minor characters, I'm already deeply connected to them.
One thing I could see getting better is the fact that I didn't really connect to Cassandra herself. Most of the dialogue and presentation goes on between McGonagall and the parents, so I don't get a feel for her character. Since this IS the first chapter, I feel like it's really important that we get to know Cassandra right away. :)
Great job! See you in class!
Author's Response: Glad you liked the dialogue! And your not the only one who caught the Squib thing... my beta had me capitalize it in later chapters, and I guess I never got around to fixing this one. I\'ll get right on that. Thanks for the excellent constructive criticism- see you in class!
Rated: [Reviews - ]
Your characterization of Luna is divine. I like how your diction includes filler words like "quite." That seems like Luna to me, for some reason.
I like how you have Luna observing everyone at the Great Hall, and not saying much. Luna is an observer - and has a tendency to say uncomfortable truths every now and then, haha.
Finally, her innocence in regards to Ron and Lavender snogging was endearing.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I don\'t know why \'quite\' is so Luna, but it seems that way to me, as well. I really love Luna- I think I\'m going to try a hand at writing her again, she\'s great fun!
Summary: This story won Spring Challenge #6!
Mrs. Norris has drunk a strange potion that makes her want something- without her knowing what it is! Will Mrs. Norris ever find out what she wants? A little bit of Mrs. Norris/Crookshanks.
I loved Mrs. Norris' personality!!! :D She's like my old granny cat. I would have liked to see maybe her complaining about the rulebreakers a bit - you know how she's a tattletale for Mr. Filch.
But you pulled this off beautifully - and incorporated humans into the mix! Good job!
Author's Response: Thanks sooo much for the wonderful review, Kumy!
Summary: Katherine had lived with Ms. Evans as long as she could remember. She'd went to a Muggle school as a child and Ms. Evans had began teaching her magic when she was twelve. Katherine didn't know why Ms. Evans wouldn't let her go to a proper wizarding school or have wizarding friends; Katherine just thought she was batty. It had been a happy, peaceful life. But now at age seventeen, the Dark Lord has finally caught up with them.
You missed a few commas here and there, but beyond that your mechanics were well-done.
This is a very cliched idea - Voldemort's daughter plotline - but so far, it seems plausible.
I have great trouble with stories like this though, where James and Lily have second children and Harry has a sibling.
So I'll admit I'm not the best person to review this.
Anyway, your plot line is intriguing, and you do a good job of creating suspense and (possibly?) foreshadowing.
You're a bit melodramatic at times, and that could take away from your story.
Summary: Ever wondered what turned Luna into a loony? One-shot.
This is really cute. The perfect story of a doting father - and I love how Luna's delightfully quirky even when she's young.
Author's Response: Thanks, kumy for that sweet little review! And I\'m in love with young! Luna too, man I love her!
Summary: The Dark Lord will return, and I will be given power beyond my wildest dreams, beyond anything I have ever hoped or wished for. That is why I hold out. Because I know that my Lord will come and save me, rescue me from this hell. I know it as surely as I sit here, curled up in a corner of my cell, trying to keep warm. They can torture me in any way they want, but I will never betray my destiny- rejoining with the Dark Lord.
Gemma Hawk – Faithful Death Eater
Here’s your complimentary review, dear! Thanks for entering the In-House Challenge. :) I have several points to make with this story.
The stylistic repetition is good. Prisoners in Azkaban must have to repeat things to themselves to keep from losing them. I also like the ideas you choose to repeat – the ideas most central to Bella’s life – the principles (or propaganda, some would consider it) or the Dark Lord.
You mention the bad memories caused by the Death Eaters, but neglect to mention the other side of the issue. Dementors not only bring up bad memories, they take away good ones. I would imagine most of Bella’s good memories are related to the Dark Lord. In my opinion, the reason she maintains such blind faith in Voldemort is because during Azkaban she only retained a few memories of him, ones that a) shows he has great power and b) one she did not find joy in. Maybe the killing of a loved one, her screaming “The Dark Lord will rescue me (not exact quote)” as she’s dragged to Azkaban, or she getting her Dark Mark (only pain then – joy comes later). Anyway, it’d be more realistic if you also mentioned the loss of good memories as opposed to simply the bad ones appearing.
Next, Bella’s bad memory of her parents. First, I applaud you for using their correct names – nice continuation of canon. However, the memory doesn’t seem appropriate. Old pureblood families (in my opinion – this isn’t canon) would look down on separation or divorce. It would make the family name look bad – and it seems to me that the Blacks held their repute in high regard. It would not be unlikely for Cygnus to have a mistress – that was something commonly accepted in medieval times and I tend to think of the old purebloods like people from the Muggle Victorian age – but I think a more appropriate memory would be Bella’s mother confronting her husband, and then saying something along the lines of…
“Fine. We will hold our own dalliances, but we must be discreet.” Mother paused. “This is the end of our marriage, you realize. I will not communicate with a man who is unfaithful to me.”
Her parents’ voices were colder than any tone Bella had ever heard them use. Her mother didn’t notice her hiding in a corner as she walked out. The expression she held was a mixture of pain, fury and tears. From then on, their home had been a place of masks and formality.
Something like that. Anyway, the next point. You used the flower theme – snowdrops in spring and winter aconite similes – in the final few paragraphs. That was nice. It would add a nice touch if you started that theme at the beginning and followed through with it until the very end instead of simply including it at the ending.
Finally, you did a great job with the angst in this story. We could really see how Bella’s faith in the Dark Lord carried her through her time in Azkaban, and how that could lead to the obedient Death Eater she is today. Truly the most loyal Death Eater.
Author's Response: *looks at review* *huggles Kumy* Thanks so much! Yes, the things you\'ve pointed out are quite true. I thought, for her parents, that it would be normal for a woman to become hysterical at the thought that her husband might be seeing another woman. Although, it\'s true that in pureblood families such as the Blacks, it is very possible that they would handle the matter much more calmly. Thanks!
Summary: This was written for Rob Matthews of Hufflepuff House for the Covert Cupid Valentine's Day Fic Exchange. Hagrid has a very special Birthday present for Madame Maxime.
The tackling bit was hilarious. The poem was very Hagrid-like. The only thing I would think of to criticize is maybe put in some more description of Madame Maxime through Hagrid's eyes?
Like: "Her square shoulders, so strong and womanly, paired with her stone grey eyes that could sometimes look so fierce made Hagrid's heart melt."
Or something equally ridiculous as that. Just for laughs.
Author's Response: LOL, thanks for the ideas!
Summary: Ellen Hammond was an outcast. Ellen Hammond was constantly harassed. But no one ever knew how much damage words can do. Told in Cedric Diggory's POV
A submission for the Monthy Poetry Challenge, Challenge 1 "Apathy is Lethal." Stareyed_in_LA for Gryffindor.
I liked your rhyme scheme. I have to question, though, whether Cedric would allow himself to be intimidated? As shown in GOF, he is a leader...I can't see him stepping aside and allowing this girl to be ostracized.
And I also can't see a Puff being "shady."
Things to think about, but nice poem! I liked it! We don't see a lot from Cedric's POV and I wish we did. :)
***Third Review for DADA Complete Assignments
Summary: The young and bored Sirius Black amuses himself with the top hat in his closet, inspired by the nefarious influence of Muggle television. **Warning -- natural rabbit behaviour within**
I love it when part of my review just disappears. >.< Use your modly powers to delete my first, will you, love? Thanks.
OMG, VV! I haven't read this story before, even though I thought I did! This is really, really funny! :) The last line was classic.
I love that the Muggle television inspired his antics. And those poor rabbits multiplying like crazy -- hopefully it wasn't too painful for them!
I really loved Sirius's characterization in this story. He's the perfect mix of bold, reckless and smart that I've always pictured him to be. The monologue about Snivellus at the start was BEAUTIFUL, and in general, you've just got him down pat.
I'm surprised Bella helped him -- she seems the type to laugh evilly and say, "You figure it out," and then sit back and watch him struggle.
You'd think this was where Bella's problems with Muggleborns started, eh? ;)
Author's Response: O yes, I\'m SUCH a Modbeing! *giggle* Surplus review deleted. I\'m glad you enjoyed this. I did too. It all started when your housemate HBP complained of breeding too many bunnies, which spilled out of his wastebins and took over his house. And then there was another one...
Summary: One sharp tongue deserves another. Minerva had discovered that rule. If any words resulted in a smart smack, the punishment was uncalled for. Minerva did, in fact, receive some uncalled for punishments occasionally, but she had forgotten them. Small things were not meant to linger over. This man was no exception.
Your control over language is beauteous. :) Let's see. I love the way you use imagery, and portray young!Minerva.
I have one nitpick. Your spacing is doubled - probably because you went to edit and resubmit your story at some point.
This makes reading the story very difficult, and I would not have done it had I not wanted to thank you for my May Day! Banner.
I suggest you again edit, and remove all the
tags from your piece, in order to make it more attractive to readers.
Wonderful work! As talented an author as you are a bannermaker. :)
Summary: Ginny's thoughts now that Harry is gone. One shot.
Hmm. I've recently read a few D/A stories, and perhaps that affects my judgment. This story didn't stir me much.
I think it was the fact that I've read this all before. It seems cliche to me. First, the setting was rainy, and that I've seen. Second, the death after proposal is also a classic.
I did like your characterization of Ginny, though. You managed to pull off the mixture between strength and grief perfectly.
In regards to plot, it may have been more poignant if Ron had been the one to share Harry's death with his sister, simply because of the bond they share as siblings.
Author's Response: Dark/Angst? Draco/Ginny? Draco/Angelina? Anyway, thank you! (And no... that isn\'t sarcastic. I love constructive reviews!) Yes, I know that this whole thing is a little cliche, but I really didn\'t care when I was writing it. It was just a random thing that came into my mind. I\'m glad you liked Ginny. I think she\'s my strong point of this fic. And you\'re completely right about Ron. I don\'t have the slightest clue why I used Hermione, looking back on it. Thank you so much for the con-crit!
Author's Response: I don\'t know how Draco/Ginny got in there! I was half asleep when I read that! lol!
Rated: [Reviews - ]
Interesting. This is one of the first Draco/Hermione stories where he is her captor that I have found believeable. Very nice start.
I love that Draco is so IC - he's not thinking of Hermione at all when he shows her the kindness of picking her up off the ground.
It's actually realistic to have a victim feel benevolent toward a captor if little kindnesses are shown to them that are available nowhere else. :D Nice job with that.
One thing I think you could fix - while her recent unconscious state makes her thoughts a little more believeable - I think you could make this totally solid as a plotline if you had Hermione wait a few days before thinking nice things about Draco. That way, she's had a few days of nothing but cruelty and Draco's small kindness of picking her up will mean a lot more than when she's just been captured. ;) Which would lead to those nice thoughts, of course, heehee.
Best of luck with the rest of your story!
Summary: Off Shoot of Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived.
Did you ever wonder how Remus would handle Tonks' explicit show? How does Tonks really feel? Is there love, or is it something else?
I loved the touch of green hair - jealousy, envy - that has so many implications. I honestly do not like Remus/Tonks. But the thought process you displayed throughout made the whole story downright wonderful.
Nice work. :) Remus was well-characterized. Tonks was perfectly characterized given events in canon and how she acted in HBP - unfortunately, I don't agree with JKR's interpretation of her, but that's a different story. :)
P.S. Review 3 of 5 for August Review Challenge Prize.
Author's Response: I think that they are an odd matched pair, that\'s for sure!
Summary: Every night, young Sirius Black would leave his bed and sneak out of the dormitory. One night, a lovesick Remus follows him and sees a peculiar sight. Based on the ancient Greek myth of Echo and Narcissus.
How interesting! Now, I'm not normally one for slash, but this one didn't have too much sexuality in it, so I read it.
I'm glad I did! I love the way the mirror from the Narcissus and Echo myth was the Mirror of Erised. I always wondered how it would be possible for someone to fall in love with their own reflection and this explains it clearly.
The ending was perfectly tragic. I cried. I think that the wording and the flow of this story really pulled me in and made me feel for the characters.
Beautiful story. Quite tragic, like most Greek work (and in coincidence, their parallels).
I really enjoyed it. Thank you.
Author's Response: I\'m very happy that you enjoyed it! I find it loads of fun to write these parallels to ancient Greek myths, even though it makes me even less creative haha (characters, etc. from Harry Potter and plot from Greece). I\'m touched that you were touched by my fic. Thanks so so much for your review! :-)
Summary: Many died under Voldemorts reign of terror. Those who ran away from a likely fate still faces it, sooner or later. Dani California was a friend of Lily Potter, and on the run for many years. This is her story. Based on the song Dani California by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Hmm...is this beta'd? There are quite a few small errors. Also, you really like to write songfics, don't you? :p
I thought the "purple megaphone" imagery created humor where it didn't necessarily fit. You may want to read that over and see if it's appropriate; I'm not quite sure.
**Second Review For DADA Complete Assignments
Summary: A short story set in the Marauder era. The boys prank Lily and she is not the least bit amused. A glimpse into a day at Hogwarts, Marauder style.
Hmm. I had two problems with this story. First, you had a few grammatical errors (to instead of too, professor instead of Professor etc.) - no big deal.
Second you never mentioned Peter in this whole story! Peter and the other Marauders were best friends at Hogwarts, regardless of what happened after Hogwarts. James trusted him enough to make him Secret Keeper. He should be part of it.
At the very least, explain his absence at the start of the story. Maybe he didn't make it into N.E.W.T. level Transfiguration and so he isn' t in that class?
The funniest line was: "But I would much appreciate it if I could go into the village and purchase more unmentionables, which is a ridiculous thing to call them, as that is all that is being mentioned." That was so Lily.
Totally hilarious, of course. Great work!
Summary: “Life is short, and yet it's beautiful.”
Sometimes two people that have nothing in common find each other and even if it is for a little while, they lighten each other’s lives. Sirius had no idea of what he was going to find in Japan. Kasumi had no idea how much that foreigner was going to change her life.
I liked how you incorporate emotion into this chapter. I also like dthe bits of Japanese culture thrown into the mix (raw fish, haha, poor Sirius). I like your characterization; you really set the lines of good/bad people in the story right off the bat. The only question I have is maybe you're making the character a little bit flat right now...i mean, characters can't be all evil - even Voldemort has some humanity (the pain caused by his parents' deaths) in him.
However, it's only the first chapter, so I'm sure you've added depth to everyone later on in the story.
The only issue I had was keeping track of some of the Japanese names. That's not your fault...I'm generally bad with names, even English ones. :)
P.S. This is your complimentary review from me. Thanks for entering our In-House challenge!
Author's Response: Well this is the first chapter you can\'t expect all the characters to be perfectly fleshed out. You give me the example of Voldemort, but we didn\'t know why Voldemort was so evil until HBP came out. Before that he was a pretty flat character. Don\'t worry about the names, i had a hard time keeping track of them also. Thanks for the review!