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Reviews by kumydabookworm

I Never Knew You by lily_evans34

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: She had never known what to say to her sister. But now that she is ready, it is too late.

Andromeda one shot.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 07/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: I Never Knew You

I like the emotion you portray. In the beginning, the use of "grey" as opposed to "gray" catches my eye. It implies a sort of darkness. I don't think a letter would be the most effective way of communicating to a grave - usually, people tend to talk - half to themselves, half to the dead person.

I think it could have had more power had you posed it as a partial self-reflection mixed in with the urge to clear up the past with her sister, even though it is too late.

I found the epitaph a bit dry for Bella. She seems extravagant to me - the type to have a bold declaration of her beliefs on her gravestone, rather than a bland meaningless phrase.

You do a great job with raising emotion and your mechanics are flawless in this piece. Nice work.


Author's Response: Thank you! I\'ve never known the difference between gray and grey. I just always use the latter. Is there some rule I should be aware of? And I don\'t know why she wrote the letter. The way that I origanlly wrote it, it made much more sense, but it got rejected, so I had to add a whole begining that I originally didn\'t have. Therefore, the letter looks strange, but I didn\'t really want to change it. You have no idea how horrible I am at epitaphs. I spent literally a half hour trying to figure one out. Therefore, I would like to keep it as is. Didn\'t I imply a partial self-reflection? Well... I did reflect on her relationship with her sister, which is what the whole fic was about, so I think it\'s fine. Are you saying that you would have liked me to reflect on herself and her life minus Bella and Narcissa? Hm, that\'s an interesting idea. I\'ll think about that. My mechanics, eh? I usually have a bunch of typos/fragments/contradictions. I\'m glad that I was better at it in this piece. Thank you so much for the lovely review! I heart con-crit!

A Weasel Can't Cry by Marauder by Midnight

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: In the Weasley family photo, only three remain alive after the cruel and agonizing Second War. One is a hardened Minister of Magic. Another is in St. Mungo's for treatment. The last one is struggling to understand himself and his wife.

What happened?

In alliance with the story Hidden and it's companion one-shot Percy's Revenge. It is recommended that Percy's Revenge is read prior to this story.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 08/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: Charlie Weasley

Yikes, Beth! You have no mercy!!! Killing off Charlie like that...-shakes finger-

Well, I suppose I can bring myself to comment through *sniffles* deep emotion. It was entirely noble of Charlie to do this.

I have only one issue. I'm left with a question. Magic can bring people back from near death, and dragon keepers (even Addicks) must be skilled in Healing if they work around such dangerous animals.

Why did a simple impalement (oxymoron, but honestly, it should be easy to heal, I would thinK!) kill Charlie?

You could add to this story by perhaps including how dragon wounds aren't as easily healed by magic or something.

Maybe Charlie would have a burn earlier on in the story that hurt him, and he would comment upon how wounds didn't heal as quickly if caused by dragons - even with the help of magic.

That's my only complaint. :) I love the interaction and emotions you bring up in this story!


P.S. This is the first of three reviews that are a part of your prize for the LilyEvans34 Review Challenge.

Author's Response: Ah well, I was trying to emphasize on the fact that the dragon scene was pure chaos. While there must\'ve been someone who wanted to save Charlie (who wouldn\'t?), they too had to run for their own lives. I\'m sure human instinct would put someone\'s priorities for himself first before his friends.

Fortune Favors the Brave by Lil Red

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Sequel to Hero.

After the death of Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley accepts his death after hearing touching words from a dear friend.

Rating is just cautious.

I'm Lil Red from Gryffindor, and this is my entry for the In-House "A Banner For thee" challenge for the Fortune Favors the Brave banner made by Purplemage.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 08/14/06 Title: Chapter 1: Fortune Favors the Brave

I ended an Draco/Ginny one-shot in nearly the same way.It was taken off of MNFF by me for rewrites a few months ago. It was quite shocking to see this ending. I love it as much on your story as I do on mine. :)

The eulogy was absolutely touching, and your characterization was awesome. I particularly liked how Ron was the one to comfort Ginny. :)

Nice work, dear. I can see why you placed in the challenge.


Author's Response: Ginny was always closest to Ron, in my opinion, so he should\'ve been the one to comfort her, right? I rewrote the eulogy at least three times so that it would have that touching, Lupin-y feeling. I think I captured that...do you? Thanks for reviewing!

A Sleepwalk to Remember by Lady Knightly

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: For once in her life, Hermione is faced with a problem she does not know how to solve...
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 12/09/06 Title: Chapter 1: Beginnings

Wow. I really appreciate your characterization of Snape. I feel as though you've channeled JKR here.

This is him, in his pure venomous form, without any fluffiness, or simplicity of character.

I absolutely love your passage of thoughts. He respects her talent - but the utter venom with which he does so makes him IC.

He teaches Hermione, but his reasons for doing so - to hear her stop talking, and to make fun of her mistakes - are utterly Snape-like.

His venomous comments like "Almost will get you nowhere," are totally what we see in the classroom in canon.

The fact that he does potions for free shows his love for the art, but the deal with the Ministry shows his Slytherin ambition and love for power (aka money).

The only thing - I can't see Snape scrawling on tests. He's a precise man - he would have an elegant script - print, not cursive, IMO. Handwriting can tell a lot about a character, and Snape would NOT scrawl. -reviewer is slightly OCD, sorry-

Also, Fs aren't given in the magical world...you would be given a T for Troll if you were failing. ;)

Awesome job with characterization of Snape. He's all angles, hard edges - it's perfect.


P.S. But if you haven't already, you must put an AU warning in this story. It disregards the events of the sixth book. -refuses to say more lest some have not read book six yet-

Author's Response: Ah you are my favorite kind of reviewer! I love all of your thoughtful comments, and most especially, the little things that I missed and can now quite ashamedly go and fix xD thank you so much for your time and kind words!!!

The Portrait Painter by coppercurls

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: It is England in the early 1800's, Bonapart is reigning in France and tensions between the two countries are running high. Phillip must face the secrets of his past while still surviving in the present. It takes the portrait of a remarkable girl to teach him that he can find trust in a world gone mad.

Winner of the June/July monthly challenge, #1: autobiography, and overall winner. By coppercurls of Hufflepuff house.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 06/07/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Portrait Painter

Oh! I should have reviewed this ages ago, Kristin darling, and now I'm doing it for a class. >.< My apologies. This is my personal favorite out of everything I've read by you, gorgeous poetry included.

My favorite part of this story is that you didn't force it into romance. You can be intimately connected to someone for a few moments and not fall in love, and that's refreshing to see that in HPFF when so often, all roads lead to love. *giggles*

I also truly loved every one of your OCs. i wish I could have seen more of Helen's father because I want to know what there was to hate so much in his character -- not just his actions. I also wanted to see the Helen/her father dynamic in live-action!mode, even if she does tell us a little about their relationship.

I really think you NEED more scenes with the family to break up the scenes with Helen and Philip because the family is ADORABLE! :D *pouts* More, more!

To finish off, your control over detail and wording is simply superb. The way you slip it telling details like Voltaire or Napoleon astound me. Your description as always is one of your greatest strengths -- the flow of the lines is powerful and alluring as you tell a scene.

A bit vague on one part, however...does Philip make weekly withdrawals or deposits in his Gringotts account? Not a necessary detail but I was bothered by it. Heheh.

Brilliant work. Probably and possibly your best yet. *hugs*


Author's Response: Kumy, thanks so much for reviewing my baby- you are entirely right, this is my favorite and best yet. It is a romance, but it is also one that will never get off the ground. Phillip and Helen are friends, in a way he is even in love with her, but they both know that it will never lead to marraige so no move is ever made by either of them. Bittersweet, but it happens all the time in life. I understand that you want more scenes and I will begin by saying that I wrote this entire piece in a week between work and dance in the summer so I had little enough time to even crunch this out. And now that it is finished I am loath to touch it because I\'m afraid anything I add will not come out the same as the rest of the piece because it has been so long. *sigh* As for Philip, he actually makes weekly exchanges, turning in Galleons but recieving pounds so that he can buy food in the Muggle world because it is a bit cheaper there if you know where to look. Anyway, thanks again and wonderful to hear from you!

Splendiferous Revenge by HarryPotter is my LIFE

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Alicia Marston has been pranked by her sister for the last time. She needs the perfect revenge to stop the torture once and for all.

Challenge #5 by HarryPotter is my LIFE of Gryffindor house.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 08/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: Splendiferous Revenge

You've included several OCs and flshed them out well. I love the word, "splendiferous," by the way. :)

Your opening was intriguing and really pulled me in. The quicksand sucked me in, for lack of better words, haha.

Overall, nice job. Good luck with the challenge!!!


P.S. This is the second of three reviews in exchange for your work in the LilyEvans34 Review Challenge.

Author's Response: Splendiferous is my favourite word! I use it in context whenever possible! =) The characters are really fleshed out because they\'re part of another of my stories. It was fun to write them in this. I\'m glad the opening sucked you in, that\'s always good. Thanks for the review!

Don't Get Caught by Cinderella Angelina

Rated: 1st-2nd Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: Lily Evans (an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries) has a mission for the Order of the Phoenix -- retrieve an important memory from the Brain Room that may turn the tables in the war against Lord Voldemort. But if she gets caught, the consequences will be very great, both personally and professionally.

She'll...try not to get caught.

Cinderella Angelina's HHWProject, representing Hufflepuff House.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 02/03/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

First of all, I must applaud the way you slip tiny bits of characterization in! That bit with Owen attempting a cheek peck was just lovely! :) In a few short words, a barely noticed detail, we learn a lot about his character.

I also really love the bantering romance that Lily and James have. You reall yknow their pairing and the relationship dynamics well. I enjoyed it very much.

Now, for the nitpicks.

The change to address a man vs. woman in "fiancee" and "fiancé" was very clever. However, the correct spelling of the latter does not have an accent on the 'e,' I believe. :)

“Lily my bonny lass! How are you this fine morning!” Lily requires a comma after it - noun of direct address.

That's it! Lovely chapter - great style and characterization. I can't wait to see what happens.


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 02/03/07 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Sepulchrally - I love that word. *grin* Again, I'm absolutely in awe of your Lily/James dynamic. They're just sweet enough to be cute, yet arguing enough that we still see the Lily and James of their younger years. :)

I also really liked how you incorporated Bode, and your characterization of Frank was just lovely. However, I have trouble believing that an Unspeakable would be so trusting. I would think that they're trained to not reveal everything from the get-go.

Also, I just noticed Lily's fascination with minutes. In the first chapter, things like 4:03 pm, and in this chapter...47 minutes behind schedule. That's quite an interesting character trait, and I'm glad you added it. It gives her a bit of uniqueness from what we see in canon.

I have no nitpicks this chapter. Your mechanics are impeccable. :)

Great work! *scurries to next chapter*


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 02/03/07 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Oh, good. Now I have a few things to say about this fantastic chapter before I actually talk about the story. :)

You see, this chapter accomplished several things that were just brilliant! First, it showed how insecure the DoM is - which leads into OOTP, actually. Second, it shows the instincts of the Unspeakables (namely, Sally) are intact.

I really enjoyed this, and I liked seeing more of Bode. However, to me, it seems that if he were really this watchful, he wouldn't have gotten in trouble in canon and been put in St. Mungo's. ;)

Anyway, I, as always, loved the starting off Lily/James. You're really making me start to LIKE this pairing.

Overall, this story wasn't a hard read. The plot wasn't overly complex, and there weren't many surprises along the way.

However, this is a perfect exhibition of the Lily/James ship, of your characterization, and of your style.

A nice, simple romantic adventure. It brightened my day, and reinforced my belief that Lily/James is the only canon ship I will ever fully support. :P

Thank you, CA. This was lovely.


P.S. One nitpick. I rather like the last line without the 'and.' You may want to consider that. :)

Love, Luna by Marauder by Midnight

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Having a problem with a boyfriend? A girlfriend? Are those pesky Lubkin Snapzits bothering you? Luna Lovegood is here to help. An expert in all fields, ranging from pest control to homework help to wild emotions, Luna knows all.

Luna Lovegood, after her ordeal in Hidden, goes on to become an advice columnist of the Quibbler, using personal experience to teach desperate, helpless souls what she knows. Read problems submitted by members of MNFF and even suggest one yourself!

Chapter One - Destroyer of Pretty Girls

Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 08/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: Destroyer of Pretty Girls

Dear Luna,

For many years, I have had this problem with the administration of Hogwarts. They do not believe in the proper discipline of those nasty creatures they call students.

For years, I put up with it, and simply left my chains in a corner of my office, well-polished and idle. Then, a wonderful woman by the name of Dolores finally allowed me to put them into use.

However, after a few weeks of hearing delicious screams echoing around my office - even better than the purr of my dear cat - those nasty students put Dolores in the forest outside the school and the poor lady had to leave.

Now, the old administration has expired, and a new Headmistress has taken his place. She is undoubtedly more strict, but she still will not allow me to take out my chains and hang students by their toes from the ceiling. She calls it "barbaric," as if it is anything more than those prats deserve.

For years, those students made my life miserable by making messes and causing ruckuses. I had a brief moment of where I was able to get back at them, even though I have trouble using magic myself.

How can I get the administration to see that I need to show some sort of power over the students in order for them to respect my reign at Hogwarts?

Without magic, discipline is my only weapon - I mean, tool. Please help!

A Cat Lover


P.S. This is the third of three reviews received in exchange for your participation in the LilyEvans34 Review Challenge.

Someday by Periwinkle

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Draco leaves Ginny without any explanation, without any parting farewell. So when he finally comes back to clarify, will she give him the chance to explain himself, or will she forever regret her choice? What happens when Draco tells Ginny the real reason he disappeared?

Warning: Rough language.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 03/30/07 Title: Chapter 1: One Shot

Wow, Anna, you've done it again - left me breathless and anxious and wanting more. I'm going to force myself to stop gushing about how wonderful this story is, haha - and move on to the actual review. ;)

First, I was conflicted about the length of this story. On one hand, the focus on the disagreement brings into sharp detail many hidden characteristics and dynamics of the Draco/Ginny pairing. However, even I as a passionate shipper can't accept this pairing's existence without a decent amount of backstory, and I feel that you're missing it. :( A balance must be struck - so I think you need a touch of background (perhaps through Ginny's memories) of how the pairing came about. :)

And...I was also worried for a while that Draco might be too gentle with Ginny, to the point of OOCness. I've now decided that's one of this story's greatest strengths.

That leads nicely into the next part of my review! :) I really loved the unique approach you took. By highlighting the twilight of the D/G romance, you show a different (sad) side of their characters. They're still themselves - but the muted tones of their vibrant selves helps highlight how they react to trauma.

Draco's still pessimistic and worldly, but he's not cruel. Ginny's still passionate in her arguments, but she's lost the fiery rage that we often see in D/G.

In short, they remain the same and yet oh-so-different, and that's what makes this story unique and fabulous. :D

Also, your argument - the conflict of opposing sides - is so central to this pairing, and you've provided a unique reaction that is just gorgeous!!!

You are teh awesomest of D/G writers, Anna, and I

A Marriage of Convenience by Madame Marauder

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: “Oh, Harry,” she whispered to the empty room. “If only you were still alive. Then, maybe, it would be the day before our wedding. Maybe I wouldn’t be marrying Draco.”

Ginny Weasley volunteered to spy on the Malfoy family. But now, she'll need to become one of them to be successful. In twenty-four hours, she's going to marry Draco Malfoy.... And looe her freedom forever.

Written by Madame Marauder of Gryffindor for the Summer Weddings Challenge.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 11/20/06 Title: Chapter 1: Prolouge: Reflections

I love Draco/Ginny. :D I'm so glad a writer with your talent decided to write a D/G fiction. :) Anyway, I like your characterization of Ginny.

The only issue I had was this chapter seems so abrupt, so short. I feel like elaboration would really help pull readers in a bit more.

But brilliant characterization of Lucius really made me shiver. :D


P.S. My thank-you review for handing that OC assignment in on short notice. *hugs*

Her by QueenHal

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: If Severus Snape could remember how to cry, a rancid tear might have spilled down his cheek. But he did not cry. He only trudged on, ignoring the gaping black hole where a placid lake once resided, ignoring the ashen grounds and trees that still smoked with the memories of a great fire. He ignored the hundreds of bodies strewn haphazardly for miles. She wasn't one of them. He could still feel her heart beating.

He knows she is alive; he is drawn to her like a moth to a living flame. But when the moth seeks more from the flame than light, will she grant it?

SS/Hr, Disturbing imagery, Implied character death. Written for HermioneDancer for the SSSSS.

Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 07/13/07 Title: Chapter 1: Like a moth....

Ohhhhhhh. That was wonderful. Your control over word choice, imagery, and flow are impeccable and truly build this story up higher and higher. :) And here, I shall set it up on the pedestal it deserves. *tacks up and bows*

Anyway, let me continue. Your oil on water analogy at the start was simply marvelous, and I loved the phrase "inky air." When Hermione talks about the skeleton of the giant squid at the bottom of a pit…to me, that was when the destruction of Hogwarts finally set in. I teared up a bit, actually.

The contrast in Snape's personality between when he was looking for her and when he found her SHOWS us how much she means to him without going into much detail. I really, really liked that. It was subtle. One thing I didn't like is the cryptic backstory. Why did he have to leave? Did their romance occur when she was a student? Why would HERMIONE decide to kiss/romance Snape? I'm not a shipper, so just assuming the ship occurred didn't work too well for me. I needed backstory, reasons, etc. At the same time, leaving that out added more focus onto the important part – the search and the find – so I don' t blame you. But a prequel at some point would really, really help if you ever come back to this. :)

There were a few lines that broke the beautiful melody your words create as they run through this story. Let me point them out quickly.

“I do not know of what you did, Severus, to earn yourself these purple gifts--” People don't just say "purple gifts." I love the idea…but it just doesn't work in dialogue – no matter who is speaking.

But he was with her again, and the rest would coagulate with time. You're probably trying to continue the imagery from the healing and the description of wounds etc…but it doesn't make sense. Better word choice is needed here.

Otherwise, you had several mechanical errors and fixing them would only take a quick lookover by a beta if that's something you want to work on. Missing capitalization and punctuation and such, that's all.

Thank you for the fabulous read! You've got incredible writing skills, and it was a pleasure to read this. :)


A Wedding at the New Burrow by Khrys

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Based in an AU, Neville and Luna plan to get married after the final battle and downfall of Voldemort. The old Burrow, having been destroyed in battle, has been rebuilt and Molly and Arthur have graciously invited Neville and Luna to get married under the beauty of the new Magnolia tree. Follow Neville, Luna, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Molly, Arthur, Fred, George, and their girls as they make it from planning to execution. Can they pull off the first ever wedding at the New Burrow? Will everyone approve? Will someone get cold feet?

A Wedding at the New Burrow written for the August Monthly Challenge #1 by Khrys of Gryffindor.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 08/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: Neville and Luna get hitched

Do you know how talented you are? -headdesk- You made Neville/Luna believable! Your characterization was bloody perfect.

-looks on enviously- There are a few things that you need to fix.

You have extra spaces between every line. What you need to do is edit this story. Copy the story text into a word document, and hit Control+H. Then replace all the
tags with a space.

Then copy this document and paste it into the story text box in the submission form, and resubmit it. Your spacing issues will be gone.

PM me if you have any further questions about that. ;)

And...you need an AU warning on the story because JKR has said Neville/Luna will never happen in canon.

That's all. -bows down- I'm off to recommend this in Fiction Junction. This was amazing. One of your best if not THE best.

You were worried about it? -headdesk-



Author's Response: Hey Kumy,

I did remove all those pesky breaks. Then I had to go in and add something, and it put them all back in again. Darn it!

My story already has an AU warning. I doubled checked, it does!

Thank you so much for taking the time to come over and review this. I am so glad you think that Neville and Luna are in character. I really like them as a couple, even if J.K. doesn\'t.

Wow! The best? Really?!? Wow! Thanks!

Bubbled Over by Chaser47

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Pansy Parkinson is a witch used to her comforts. Never was she supposed to have to deal with domesticity. However, when her house elves leave, she is forced to. When things begin to bubble over, she decides to confront the problem herself. And that problem just happens to be Hermione Granger.

Written for August Challenge 2, House-Elves Unite, by Chaser74 of Ravenclaw house.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 03/16/07 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot

How lovely! Your interpretation of Pansy is very accurate, although something about this Hermione rubs me the wrong way. I can't quite see her giving into Pansy, regardless of what she does...Hermione is a very principled girl.

Anyway, I did rather like the attempt to wash clothes and the cooking fire. It was hilarious to see them struggle with those things. :) It would have been even better, I think, if Mr. Parkinson was so busy with work that he didn't come home to fix the problem - at the moment, he seems a tad henpecked, haha.

Finally, one last thing. I would have loved at least one Parkinson house elf to do something daring to push Pansy utterly over the edge. Maybe they come back and rant about how they deserve rights, or rig a household appliance to misfire, or use their magic against her.

Just throwing out some ideas if you ever want to flesh out the story a little. ;)

It was funny and witty, and a lovely read! Thank you!


Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading! I\'m glad you enjoyed it. I\'ll keep that in mind about Hermione. Thanks again for the review!

Alone by BeautyInTheBreakdown

Rated: Professors •
Summary: How could one night change a life so drastically? Something as simple as choosing to take a walk could ruin a life forever.

Nell is a fifth year at Hogwarts, but she's not like the rest. She's been through more than most could even dream up.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 02/07/07 Title: Chapter 2: Alone in a Crowd

I love your characterization of your OCs. OCs always amaze me because authors have to build them from scratch.

Nell had begun to notice just how much she had changed when she watched Addie. She was so outgoing, practically the whole school knew her. There was nothing about Addie you wouldn’t love. She had a killer smile, loved to watch Quidditch (though you wouldn’t catch her playing it); she always knew exactly what to say to make any situation funny. Addie was nearly perfect. Nell used to be just like her; used to be.

I love how you portray emotions in this story. The way Nell feels isolated from the rest of her peers is really accurate for anyone who is grieving or who has suffered from a trauma.

You really make us feel for Nell, and she's one of the most realistic D/A characters I've read. Moreover, you deal with the topic of rape with great grace and care, and I'm sure all readers appreciate that.

I truly think you have a winner here, Gabby. From the stunning characterization to the lovely characters, I think it's got huge amounts of potential.

I'm still waiting for the plot, but I enjoy the slow build-up. :) I'll keep reading, if not reviewing, and I'm glad I got the chance to check this out!

Great work!


Author's Response: You have no idea how nice it is to get a new review and then you look at it to find that it\'s a nice and constructive review. It\'s good to get a review that doesn\'t have any form of squee in it every once in a while. I\'m glad you like the story and I am so happy to hear that you think that the characters are realistic. *hugs* Thank you for the nice review Kums. Oh, and the plot shows a bit more in later chapters. *hugs again*

Push Through the Storm by electronicquillster

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Post HBP, pre DH. There is someone with many questions and doubts as a storm rages outside and a war rages in the world. Birthday story for Periwinkle.
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 06/18/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This was gorgeous. I’ll have to think of a way I can coerce you into writing a Kumy/Draco. *giggles* Seriously, Mar, I have no idea how you managed to have such a softie!Draco and I still liked the story!

Well, let’s start from the top. The descriptive lines where he kisses her and then leans his forehead against her, just breathing her in – those are HOTT. >.< *ahem* Really, they made me shiver a little. Hee. Your lines of imagery are just woven into the prose and truly hit home every time. Great job with that.

I also loved the line, “They said he had been in the tower. They said he was a Death Eater.” You do a great job here of isolating those lines and they clunked like a really heavy weight in my stomach, thanks to the short length and the bit of parallel structure you have going on. *sigh* It was beautiful.

I also liked the interaction of I’m not good-you’re not evil-because of you. The grimness in the middle was nicely balanced out by the hope at the end. *happy dance* This story just made me smile and squee and giggle and

Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 06/18/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

*reposting review because it got cut off*

This was gorgeous. I’ll have to think of a way I can coerce you into writing a Kumy/Draco. *giggles* Seriously, Mar, I have no idea how you managed to have such a softie!Draco and I still liked the story!

Well, let’s start from the top. The descriptive lines where he kisses her and then leans his forehead against her, just breathing her in – those are HOTT. >.< *ahem* Really, they made me shiver a little. Hee. Your lines of imagery are just woven into the prose and truly hit home every time. Great job with that.

I also loved the line, “They said he had been in the tower. They said he was a Death Eater.” You do a great job here of isolating those lines and they clunked like a really heavy weight in my stomach, thanks to the short length and the bit of parallel structure you have going on. *sigh* It was beautiful.

I also liked the interaction of I’m not good-you’re not evil-because of you. The grimness in the middle was nicely balanced out by the hope at the end. *happy dance* This story just made me smile and squee and giggle and love Draco even more!

A few things to pick at, first being Draco’s characterization. He’s missing snarkiness, but that’s okay in such a solemn, serious goodbye moment. But there’s still something else in his character that is missing for me. You’ve done a great job of showing how YOUNG he is. A lot of authors forget that Draco’s just a seventeen year old boy, son of a Death Eater or not, and you use that sort of vulnerability well.

But…seventeen year old boys ALSO have a swagger. We’re missing that. I would expect him to make a bold promise of, “Don’t worry. I’ll be back for you,” or something. Even if he knows the consequences of war well, we teenagers have a tendency to think “It can’t happen to us,” and to in general be a bit stupid. :P

Also, the first paragraph of the story is a bit awkward. The transition to the “This was affecting a girl named Anna…” line just doesn’t work. The perspective change from broad (could be anyone) to narrow (just Anna) is jarring.

I’m not point it out because it’s bad, necessarily, but because it could be better, and I know that you have done better. Fixing it would make the beginning smoother and pull the reader in more to the story.

Overall, Mar, a brilliant job like always!


I'll Try by guiding ray of sunlight

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Draco Malfoy is caught in an internal battle. Will he ever be free of it?
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 09/18/06 Title: Chapter 1: I'll Try

My reviews aren't going through. :( But I'm so honored that this is dedicated to me! :D Thank you so much.

I liked the softer side of Draco you portrayed - it makes me feel like war has worn down his whiny, sarcastic side, and now he's just TIRED.

Very touching. I would have loved more detail on him going off to face the Dark Lord. But Jesse's voice and the song lyrics fit this story perfectly.

Great job! Thank you again for dedicating it to me! I'm sorry it took me so long to review, but know that it means a lot to me! -hugs-


Author's Response: Thanks for the review Kumy!!!!

When The Church Bells Ring by TheVanishingAct

Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: What no one else could do, she will, when the church bells ring.

Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 04/07/07 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot

I'm going to begin with the fact that I've never liked the term, "Ding Dong" to describe a bell's tolling. Ding just...isn't dark-toned enough. /random OCD rant

Heheh. Despite that Ding of the DingDonging -is laughing hysterically at this phrase-, I really liked this piece, of course.

Let me make a few observations/compliments that I don't think others have noticed.

First the rhythm/pacing of this story is interesting. It rushes forth in passages of description and memories...and then nearly halts for one or two lines. "She still bites her lip," or "I gave you a chance to repent." That increases the power of the "paused" lines.

I'm a bit shocked that this is Cho. I've never really liked or admired Cho, and to me, I can't see her in this. >.< But that's probably my own personal bias. I DID, on the other hand, enjoy the way you describe her. The lack of feeling - the coldness - that's in utter contrast to canon!her. To me, that's a combinatory result of a) her growing up and b) all the grief she's faced on top of the death of her first love that's just...numbed her.

It'd be interesting to see - I actually wonder - if she blames Lucius on some level for the death of Cedric, and not just Harry.

The thing that just is beautiful about this is the religious aspect. I almost see Cho as a Destroyer/Angel coming to Redeem Lucius by...well, killing him. I'm not a Christian, so that is probably totally not alligned with the faith's ideas, but that's what I saw in my head. A dark angel.

*shudders* It was so cold, so dark, such mechanical redemption. And the final two lines...just stopped time.

Beautiful work, dear Patrick. This rambling review does it no justice. ^^ But you asked for it, so there! :P

Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much Kumy! *hug* I really appreciate it. :)