Penname: kumydabookworm [Contact]
Real name:
Member Since: 03/06/05
Website:
Beta-reader:
Status: Member
Bio:
[Report This]
Reviews by kumydabookworm
 

Paranoia by Khrys
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 14]

Summary: Off shoot of Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. Molly and Arthur discuss their children's intimate lives.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1511 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/29/06 Updated: 06/06/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 06/16/06 Title: Chapter 1: Paranoia

Your characterization of both Molly and Arthur is spectacular. Very in character. You also brought out the common doubts that most parents have. This was a realistic, enjoyable one-shot. *beams* Great job!

Now for the criticism...

They’re probably doing it too.

The phrase "doing it" is a childish term and it's inappropriate for a married woman with seven children to use.

She's also "petulant" when she asks, "What about Ron?" It's more likely she'd be worried. Petulance is another idea associated with small children rather than married adults.

If nothing else, she’ll figure out some sort of a conception blocking charm.

I believe contraception would be better than conception blocking. :)

“They fight like cats and dogs,” she offered. “He is stubborn and pigheaded. She is bossy and headstrong. They both think that they know what is right for the other. Ron complains about Hermione’s bossiness, but he secretly is thrilled that she pays enough attention to boss him around. Hermione chooses to point out Ron’s flaws so that he will have an excuse to talk to her. Ron is quick to act, while Hermione is quick to think. Ron’s strength lies in his ability to plan, but his hot temper can cause him to make hasty decisions. Hermione’s strength lies in her thirst for knowledge, but she goes through life with blinders that block out much that life has to offer her. Ron will open her eyes to the wonders of life, and she will force him to slow down to enjoy them. They really are a perfect match.”

I know what you're trying to do is show a breakdown of the couple, but Molly sounds like a pyschologist here - though she's probably capable of evaluating them cooly, right now she's a worried mother. I don't think she'd be able to think this through.

I suggest having Arthur say this, but then have Molly remember a moment where she saw Ron and Hermione exhibiting some of these qualities. Then, she can reluctantly admit Arthur is right.

Ginny’s been in love with him since she first saw him at Platform 9 ¾.

Though there's no doubt Ginny's loved Harry for a long time, this is cliche. There is no way a 10 year old, after catching a glimpse of a boy on a train, can truly love him. I suggest taking this line out and replacing it with another, more realistic line.

“How can you say those words, Arthur,” Molly roared.

The comma here should be a question mark.

---

Awesome characterization for the most part. Nice story. Great job!!!

Kumy

Author's Response: Hey Kumy, Thanks for the spectaular review! I will definitely have to enter more challenges if it continues to get me incredible reviews like this. Thank you again!

 

The Time of Their Lives by Lil Red
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 72]

Summary: "It was dusk, and Ron and Hermione had just turned up in the common room, pink-faced from the cold and looking as though they'd had the time of their lives."


--Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, American hardcover edition, page 157


Have you ever wondered what exactly made Ron and Hermione's day so perfect? It couldn't have just been the sheer fun they had from going to the village to make it the day of their lives...maybe there was something more...

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1914 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/01/06 Updated: 06/07/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 06/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Time of Their Lives

That was so…cute! A-dork-able! :)

I would make the first kiss a little awkward (they usually are, anyway…and this is Ron!). They should bump noses or smash teeth or something.

I could absolutely see Hermione doing this for the sake of their friendship. However, I think that she’d Oblivate Ron, but not be able to Obliviate herself. So, she’d retain the memories of their first tryst until HBP. That would be a more chilling ending.

Overall, nice plot (you fit it into canon very well) and oh-so-cute story! Great work!

Kumy

P.S. This is your complimentary review from me. Thanks for entering the In-House Challenge!

Author's Response: Well, I\'m trying to think of a sequel, where it kinda comes back to them *grins* But, sadly, not going so well *frowns* Thanks!

 

His Eyes Were Black by SiriuslyMental
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: Was he always evil? A little something I wrote in my spare time about Severus Snape.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 2020 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/02/06 Updated: 06/08/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 07/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I simply couldn't resist, after reading some of your excerpts from your upcoming OC Challenge entry, entering a review to any work that you had.

Beautiful ending. Beautiful explanation. I happen to disagree, in the fact that I believe that Severus serves only himself, but you make his switching of sides plausible, along with Dumbledore's unwavering trust in him.

I would have liked if you included the specific words of the Unbreakable Vow in the story. Often, how something is worded will change its effects. :)

Great work.

Kumy

 

Miss Me by Valentinia
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 21]

Summary: Merope Gaunt is alone and in love with a man she knows she can never have back. In her loneliness she writes a letter that is never to be delivered to Tom Riddle.

Reviews would be greatly appreciated! Constructive critism is definately welcome!

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 928 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/03/06 Updated: 06/03/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 06/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

That was sad. You managed to pull off Merope's pathetic sadness without making it boring. The short sentences and sentence fragments were overused, though. They lost their effect, and I began to get annoyed with them.

Good job.

Kumy

P.S. No need to write me a review...I'm doing this for House points. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Now that I read through the story again, you\'re right... too many fragments. I\'ll try to fix that up.

 

The End by lily_evans34
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 33]

Summary: This story is told in Cedric's POV before, and after, he dies. One shot, taking place the night of the Third Task.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1494 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/04/06 Updated: 06/08/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 07/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: The End

Now, this was really, really good!!! I liked your interpretation of Cedric the ghost-like specter more than the boy himself, actually. It was much more poetic. :D

Anyway, your use of diction and emotion was, as always, flawless. I do have a couple of points to make.

As the death is about to happen, your story seems to break down time. That makes me think of the Matrix and the slowed down action.

I don't think that's realistic, to be honest. I don't think your life flashes before your eyes when you die, or anything of the sort. It's too quick for the body to react.

I think it would be more poignant for Cedric to realize his death when he emerges as a ghost from Voldemort's wand, and deal with it while urging Harry on.

Just my thoughts. Again, heartwrenching piece. Simply beautiful.

Kumy

Author's Response: Thank you! I love all of your criticism; it really helps me as an author! Though I do see where you are coming from, and mostly agree with you, I think I\'ll leave it as is. I wrote this a while ago, and to be honest, am done with it. But, I think you\'re right. It does seem like an unrealistic-slow-mo kind of thing. Thank you once again for your comments, and I\'m glad you liked it!

 

Fan Girl by Evilpersonified
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 22]

Summary: Severus Snape has taken a teaching job at Hogwarts, and he intends to teach, not act as a confindent for silly little students, thank you very much. But while he tries to keep himself as isolated as possible, there is one particular student who can't help but fall for the grumpy potions' master.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2865 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/05/06 Updated: 06/05/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 06/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot

Oh...that was rather nice, actually. I didn't expect to like it - the ship doesn't seem very lovable, does it? :) You pulled off the bitter crankiness of Snape very, very well.

I didn't like Tonks so much. Usually she's quite forward with these things, and I can't see her being afraid of Snape like most of the other students. I also would have liked to see her clumsiness displayed in the Potions classroom. I think that would've a) shown her trademark characteristic and b) added something to Severus' interaction with her.

Nice work.

Kumy

 

One with the Shadows by whittyleah
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: Draco finds a way to move like the shadow...will he let it overtake him?





Winner of the May Monthly Challenge number two by Whittyleah of Gryffindor house!

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 897 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/13/06 Updated: 06/16/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 06/16/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

Here's your review in exchange for entering the In House Challenge! Good luck in this challenge! :)

The idea in this story - of becoming a shadow - was very novel and cool. I liked it a lot.

However, I did think it was a bit melodramatic at parts. I've quoted them below.

"They were what he was to become, what he had to be to fulfill his mission. He had been raised to know that one day he would swear his life to the darkness, but he hadn't thought it would happen so soon."

It seems a bit melodramatic that Draco is referring to the sides as Light and Dark. I like the poetic flow of your piece and the dark/light theme, but his thoughts don't have to reflect that.

You see, Draco, as you said, has been raised to do this. I doubt he thinks in black and white, dark and light, right and wrong. More in shades of morality, if you know what I mean. For example, his father killing Muggles isn't wrong because they dirty blood. If he viewed just right and wrong - killing is WRONG, but he views "shades' of morality.

Therefore, Draco's thoughts of "joining the darkness" and things like that feel a bit melodramatic to me. More like Star Wars than Harry Potter.

I like the flow of the piece, and the wording is very nice. I think you've written a great piece here!

Kumy

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I understand what you are saying and I agree, but with this piece it was about the darkness and the light..so that is how it came out. I also used the word darkness because the word evil gets old after a while... :)

 

Ron's Gauntlet by Oppungo
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: When Ron receives a strange owl instructing him to take part in a mysterious maze, promising him treasure, excitement and glory he can't resist but to find out more. What could be better than having his name go down in the history books? Only not having his death recorded alongside it...


Gauntlet Challenge submission by Oppungo of Gryffindor house.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 6060 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/14/06 Updated: 06/17/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 08/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I loved your ending. Even though, Ron didn't finish, you still managed to bring the perfect close to it. Your characterization of Ron was lovely, as others have said.

I would also like to add that it was 'bloody brilliant' - in Ron's words - to have Ron think like Harry and Hermione to get through the challenges.

It shows the Trio's closeness and how all their strengths add up to create a powerful force - just one of them alone couldn't fight the way the three of them together do, and you showed that indirectly through Ron's struggles.

I loved that you found a way to use the spell "Oppugno," considering your username. ;)

Lovely - I think the characterization is what made it a wonderful read, rather than mediocre. Fabulous characterization...

And yes, I know I've said that several times. It needs to be said. :p

Kumy

P.S. This is the first of three reviews as your prize for participating in the review challenge for lilyevans34.

Author's Response: Thanks! I\'m always quite worried about characterization, so it\'s lovely to hear everyone say that they liked it - especially numerous times! The trio are that - a trio. Without that, they\'re not nearly as strong - they are the power that Voldemort knows not! Thanks for reviewing, Kumy! P.S. For the spell - couldn\'t resist! ;-)

 

Awful Boy by cmwinters
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 15]

Summary: Severus Snape helps a classmate with a Defence Against the Dark Arts assignment

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 3030 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/15/06 Updated: 06/16/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 06/02/07 Title: Chapter 1: Awful Boy

Bah, humbug. *glares in Scrooge-like manner at story* *attempts to save the lovely characterization of Snape in her pockets to steal from CM and fails*

And this, my dear, is the ideal Snape. He's casually perplexed by the going-ons of the Muggle family that Lily is born into, which I find wonderfully good toward showing how different his home life is.

He's also formal, and a bit twisted - and utterly confused. He's chillingly honest about Dark spells being entirely dependent upon purpose and not words - but...he's wrong! Frightfully so.

Regardless, his own firm belief make it a delightful (and haunting) story to read. And I love the theories he puts forth about Dementors (your theories, really...).

To finish, Lily seems, to me, a bit OOC in this story. She's ridiculously light, fluffy and happy - a bit of a ditz, and canon portrays her as a smiling, but still serious and sensitve girl. I picture her as reading a bit more into the situation, arguing with Snape and what not instead of shrieking< "YUCK!" and "URCK!" and so forth.

Very, very, very nice Snape. *more Scrooge-like glares* It's very hard to capture for myself, though. *sigh*

*runs away with holes in pockets*

Kumy

 

Winning Eternal Glory by Cruciatus Love
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 17]

Summary: What would happen if instead of Harry Potter participating in the challenge for eternal glory, it was Tom Riddle instead. Watch as the heir of Slytherin find his way through rows, columns, tasks and obstacles to win the recognition he know he deserves.



Written as a Gauntlet Maze Challenge entry by Cruciatus Love of Slytherin.

Categories: Alternate Universe Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death

Word count: 9838 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/15/06 Updated: 06/17/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 08/14/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Maze

Ooh. Your characterization of Tom Riddle was wonderful. The way he used everything he had - illegal curses, Parseltongue - despite the fact that it gave him an unfair advantage was perfect. It's totally like him to have no sense of fairness - of equal play. He grabbed at whatever he could to win - because winning is all that matters to him.

The only line that I could find a problem with was: “Wow, I figured that out all by myself. I’m a very smart man, and cunning too!”

I can't see Tom saying this. He is definitely arrogant, but this sounds downright cheesy. It reminds me of the "I'm...too sexy for my shirt" song. Ick. That is not like Tom at all.

On the other hand, hte response he gave when faced with a riddle ("I won't get it wrong.") was very like him. It's just a question of confidence vs. tomfoolery.

The first line (I'm a strong man, and cunning, too!") crossed the line...pull it back over from tomfoolery to confidence, and everything will be perfect.

Great work!

Kumy

Author's Response: Yes, I didn\'t like that line either. But the thing is that I was trying to show during that part the trasition between him when he\'s in self-control and when that spell is effecting him. I hope I didn\'t overdo it. Thanks for the review!

 

Bound by lily_evans34
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 30]

Summary: Hedwig reflects upon her life, and her relatioship with Harry. Written for the One Shot Owls challenge by lily_evans34 of Ravenclaw.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 847 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/16/06 Updated: 06/19/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 07/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: Bound

First, your use of POV is spectacular. I like how Hedwig can so clearly see how Harry is attached to things. Your last line was heartstopping. But I think that applies to Harry, too - he is bound by love - so it brought a nice end to the thematic elements in the story. I also like how you included observations about the distance growing between Harry and Hedwig. The last we truly see interaction between them is in Goblet of Fire. After Harry meets Voldemort, they begin to lose touch. Uncanny observation - Harry is distancing himself from everything he loves, just as Hedwig is bound by it.

Wonderful piece, dear!!!

Kumy

Author's Response: Aw, thanks! That meant a lot to me! I\'m glad you liked it! Hedwig is a very... unexplored owl, so to speak, so this was just how I saw her. People usually portray her as snooty, but I\'ve never really seen her like that. I\'ve always thought that she had some sort of connection to Harry. I like her better this way! :) I\'m really glad you liked it! I liked the last line, too!

 

Far Away by whittyleah
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 26]

Summary: Harry has been gone for three years on his mission, he returns with a plan to win Ginny back. Will it work?

This story has been slightly edited! Please read!

Categories: Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1011 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/19/06 Updated: 06/26/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 02/03/07 Title: Chapter 1: Far Away

This was so sweet. It made me tear up a little. However, I must say: I think Ginny would be stronger than to let Harry sweep her off her feet. I'd expect at least a little snap of that Weasley temper before she gave in. ;)

Even though I'm not a Harry/Ginny shipper, and the mushiness makes me a bit ill sometimes...

This story was just right. It mixes the angst and fluff in a way that's tolerable. Which, in other words, means...

Great job, love.

*hugs*

Kumy

Author's Response: Thanks...I think. :P I heard that song and I was in mushy mood, I blame it on that! :D Thank you, Luv!

 

Hidden by Marauder by Midnight
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 45]

Summary: Epilogue up.

Luna Lovegood, fresh out of Hogwarts, is assigned her first article abroad in rural England for the Quibbler. However, she encounters a strange story in this small town. Soon, she finds herself entangled in a web and race to save the life of a former Death Eater.



Luna Lovegood/Draco Malfoy.



Post-Hogwarts, Mystery, Draco/OC, Other Pairing story.



Dedicated to Poultrygeist who presented to me an unforgettable plot bunny.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded, Character Death

Word count: 16753 Chapters: 11 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/19/06 Updated: 07/31/07


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 06/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Arrival

You portrayed Luna's grief over Ron very well. The reader gets the idea right away as to what happened to him.

I would've liked to learn a bit more about the interviewee. But the Horned Screwzit reference was classic, and you left off Antiquus's hatred quite well. (Did you know antiquus was Latin for old?)

Great piece, Beth.

Kumy

 

Forgotten by Blue Bell
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 19]

Summary: In the end, Lily ended up with James. We all know that. However, could Lily have previously been in love with someone before James? Perhaps, a certain Slytherin? What happens when he comes back, looking for closure, for permission to move on?

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1457 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/19/06 Updated: 06/19/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 06/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Forgotten

Your use of dialogue to move the plot forward was great. However, knowing Severus from HBP, I find it hard to see that he would be so direct with his feelings. I would have liked to see a bit more of dancing around the topic, instead of the direct attack that Severus made here.

Great job!

Kumy

Author's Response: Thanks! This was a long time before HBP, though. But thanks again for reviewing!

 

All Grown Up by Khrys
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: Off shoot of Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. Fred and George show off their shop to two very embarassed witches.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2027 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/20/06 Updated: 06/20/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 08/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: All Grown Up

Aw. This is my favorite of yours so far. "Spiffing" and "corking" - that was classic twins language right there. :)

Beyond that, I loved your general plotline. I think that you just did beautifully with this story.

I have no other words. :( But I loved it. Great, great, great work!!!

Kumy

P.S. Review 2 of 5 for August Review Challenge Prize.

Author's Response: I love the twins and their own little language. I wish I had a twin so I could share a language.

 

Dastardly Darkness by Khrys
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Off shoot of Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. Follow Draco when he leaves 4 Privet Drive. Where does he go? Who offers to help him?

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1217 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/21/06 Updated: 06/21/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 08/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: Dastardly Darkness

I think you've got the Snape and Draco characterization right. But something just doesn't click in this story for me. I think that Draco might be a bit off, and that's what's bothering me, but I'm not quite sure.

Hmm. I think that this moment was well-written, but it's not something that inspired emotion in me.

That's it. Though everything in technique, plot and characterization was well-done, this story didn't do anything in my heart..it left me sort of hollow-feeling.

Nice work, but I just wasn't connected to it as a reader. :(

Kumy

P.S. Review 4 of 5 for the August Review Challenge Prize.

Author's Response: I didn\'t like writing this piece, and it showed, eh? I had to write it to explain away some of the later events in TBWL. I don\'t write Draco or Snape very well, adn I think I didn\'t put as much efort into this as I should have...

 

A Powerful Sort of Love by Khrys
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: OIff shoot of Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. Follow Dumbledore and Cassandra on their whirlwind romance.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1341 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/22/06 Updated: 06/24/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 08/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: A Powerful Sort of Love

Oh my. This pairing is very intriguing. However, I believe that Cassandra would have been much older than Dumbledore, if she was even alive when he was. Just a thought...

Nevertheless, I'm VERY IMPRESSED that you've finished such a large undertaking. Makes me reminisce of the work of renowned authors like Magical Maeve and Ashwinder. :)

Kumy

P.S. Review 1 of 5 for August Review Challenge Prize.

Author's Response: Yes. She was rather old, and done with most oif her life when she met Albus. He was young, and deeply in love. I\'d like to think she was his first true love and the one that he never got over losing. Until McGonagall came along, of course ;)

 

Frate Lupo by ProfPosky
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: After Voldemort is finally dead and gone, Ron and Hermione take a trip to Italy that may lead to the cure a friend has been seeking. Written as the final assignment fo rPotions in Beta Forums Summer School.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2643 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/22/06 Updated: 06/23/06


Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 02/03/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Let me begin with...what an intriguing concept! I always enjoy stories about magic in foreign countries. This one was very cool. :)

You have a lot of mechanical errors in here, love. Missing commas, run-ons, et cetera. It made the story a bit hard to read...I actually had to read things several times to understand what was going on. I suggest a beta, or just looking over it yourself, perhaps?

 
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 02/03/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Let me begin with...what an intriguing concept! I always enjoy stories about magic in foreign countries. This one was very cool. :)

You have a lot of mechanical errors in here, love. Missing commas, run-ons, et cetera. It made the story a bit hard to read...I actually had to read things several times to understand what was going on. I suggest a beta, or just looking over it yourself, perhaps?

Author's Response: I went in in a huge hurry. I will go back and take a look at it when I get a chnce and fix the boo boos...And I cannot take credit for it being in a foreign country - the assignment required it!

 
Reviewer: kumydabookworm Signed
Date: 02/03/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Egads. It cut off most of my review. Well, here I go again. >.<

I really loved how the introduction threw you directly into the story by taking you into Ron's thoughts. One of my favorites was your turn of phrase, "particular penny to drop." I also liked the way you hinted at the setting by mentioning the amphitheater.

The potions sequencing - was that an original idea or one from the Potions class? It's very cool - the idea of preserving a potion through a dance. I really liked it.

The thought of Hermione haggling over postcards reminded me terribly of Mrs. Weasley and made me smile to think that Hermione could be so much like her mother-in-law.

I love how you subtly hint that Hermione is with child, and also how Ron loves children. Finally, the sense of being validated in a marriage once you have a child is very realistic and I appreciated it coming from Ron, since he DID have a very large family.

The next bit was where your romance truly began to shine. The part about the two of them growing up truly hit a chord in me. My favorite line was, "Finding that he was growing further, rounding out in ways she hadn't even realized he was flat..." That perfectly describes a married couple that's been together for a long time.

You know most everything about each other. But because of that depth and that intimacy, you continue to find out new parts of that person as well. To me, this was a perfect interpretation of Ron and Hermione together.

"He had gone beyond fear so often, he had learned when not to bother beginning." I loved this line. It shows how much Ron has matured - from being afraid of spiders, to knowing when fear is appropriate.

I also liked the way Hermione was able to go completely still. This shows that she has matured and that her generally high-strung, eager, energetic nature has calmed somewhat.

Now the scene with the girl raised a lot of questions from me. Is the girl truly young, what with the scene looking like it came from the times of Napoleon or Caesar? Is she magical or Muggle? Why is she hiding from the rest of the world and not Ron and Hermione? What sort of ability allows her to enter Hermione's mind and insert a picture of the full moon there?

I loved this section as well. "Neville," Ron said sadly, and in frustration. How often did they still do this--refer to one of their departed friends? They had no need to say more, no need to say, "I wish he was here," or, "She would have loved this;" the name was enough to say everything.

It's as though grief is such a consistent part of their life - that they know it so well - there is no need to acknowledge it. This is terribly subtle and yet heartwrenching.

I have a problem with Ron using the word, "combo." You may want to use the Cultural section of the Reference Desk to see if Brits use that word.

I also can't see "Holy Water" being capitalized, love. Ron wouldn't know who Shakespeare is, would he? It'd be a bit more IC for him to not know the playwright and for Hermione to explain the Muggle reference, IMO.

I enjoyed the description of the potion-making because it reminded me of the presence of Hermione's perceptive gaze and also showed the lovely innocence and casual ease of the girl as she made the Potion. Finally, the mention of the Coke bottle truly brought back to me where this potion was being made...and made me wonder how such a poor-looking girl could be so brilliant.

The comparison of Lupin's appearance to Moody's was wonderful because it was so good at getting the point across.

The subtle hint of what happened to Tonks sent tears to my eyes. "Tonks had been less lucky." They're so matter-of-fact about it; again, I feel as though grief is something they've grown accustomed to, which is terribly sad.

Now I'm wondering where Hermione has gone - because SHE was the one carrying the potion. Hmm. *wonders*

Anyway, the next line to really strike me was another casual hint at Tonk's fate. "Ron understood that if Hermione was the one lying insensible in St. Mungo's just down the aisle from the Longbottoms, he wouldn't care much either." This line also made me question whether Neville is dead, or simply mad...

I love how observant Ron is - that he noticed the iron cookpot was used instead of pewter. This would be considered OOC in canon, but is a realistic change in personality for someone exposed to war. War makes you more alert and aware, more perceptive about surroundings. I think that this change in Ron is a very effective and subtle way of conveying the effect war has had on all of them.

Let me finish with the romance that you ended with. When Ron speaks about how he thinks of Hermione as he did before the war, it made me smile. You'll often hear long-married couples think of each other as they did the first day they fell in love with each other, and I think that's what Ron is doing.

You do a brilliant job of showing how Ron and Hermione's relationship would be after they've both matured and been softened by the hard edges of war. I think that you've kept them realistically IC but also altered them enough to show their added maturity and the depth of their love/relationship.

Beautiful job, Thea. Just beautiful.

Kumy

 
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Unexploded Bombs by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Dudley Dursley has just experienced the death of his elderly father Vernon from...
Ginny's Big Decision by dg04 1st-2nd Years
After Dumbledore's Funeral, Harry tells Ginny that they can't be together anymore...
Little Lions by SexY_LydZ 6th-7th Years
On a stormy October evening, a letter, a late night trip to the library and...
FEATURED
Going Against Salazar's Grain by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
"Sometimes," said Dumbledore, "we sort too soon." Originally writtten for...
Whispers in the Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
"Swear to me, Cissy. Swear you won't tell." It's a secret, and it haunts...
Fear and Loathing in Florida (Mostly Loathing) by minnabird 3rd-5th Years
Scabior and Greyback had to escape the Aurors somehow - they just hadn't expected...
Just Before Healing by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
With Hannah, things always go to yellow.
In Bloom by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
It figures that he ignores the other side of roses. Thorns fit to draw blood...
Magical by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ginny and her brothers sneak down the stairs to look at presents, but instead...
CATEGORIES