Penname: Padfoot Patronus [Contact]
Real name: Akay
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Etched in Gold by Cirelondiel
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: Feature

"It’s like a safe place, somewhere to watch the world, somewhere... magical."

When the rain stops and the sun comes out, a magical moment is etched in gold.



Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1195 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/14/09 Updated: 04/18/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 04/18/09 Title: Chapter 1: Etched in Gold

Ah. You aim for the heart, don't you?

If I was asked to describe Etched In Gold in a few words, I'd say: just enough. There was a very subtle balance in your story, of description and emotions, and while dialogue was very rarely used, it was just enough to provoke the chord in the reader that brings out the 'ah' 'wow' 'aw'

The small things they said to each other beautifully complimented the silences. I was reading this with Evanescence's Hello, and I too was thinking about Cedric's death after the third task. A favourite.

Great job, Chels.

- Akay

Author's Response: I'm glad you thought it was balanced - I'm always worried about stepping over the line to excessive fluffiness or angstiness. Thank you for the review, Akay. :D

 

No Matter the Circumstances by mzap
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: When Tonks finally builds up the courage to tell Remus how she feels, his reaction was the last thing she expected.

Sexual situations warning is for a kiss.

Categories: Remus/Tonks Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1230 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/03/09 Updated: 05/13/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 05/14/09 Title: Chapter 1: No Matter the Circumstances

Interesting scene, Mercy, particularly the fact that people more often show in stories R/T coming together (me!) than falling apart. You have also shown the characteristically outgoing part of Tonks (arguing emphatically, reacting physically) and were nicely consistent with it. It gave me a feel that you knew your character.

A couple things though: There are several places I thought your use of some words was rather strong than was necessary in that occasion:

And so…” he laughed, “it ended up being about ten feet of snow before any of the teachers managed to fix the ceiling….”
'smiled' could do here too?

“What do you mean I don’t know what I’m talking about!” she shouted, her voice steadily rising. If her voice is rising steadily, perhaps you'd use the word "shouted" in the next dialogue. "Shouted" seemed a bit too much, like something just jumped at me out of the corner. And then the contrast of Remus talking "quietly". If you want to stick with your word you might want to say in the next line that Remus looks at her in surprise. Actually, I understand to an extent why Tonks would shout something, because sometimes when we expect and most probably dread some person's response, we act rather loudly. That being the case, show Remus reacting to it.

Slowly, Remus stood up and took her by the hands. Hmm. But I'm thinking he'd want to stay away from close contact.

She found it hard to be angry at him while he was giving those apologetic eyes. Giving the apologetic look perhaps, but 'giving those apologetic eyes' reads oddly for me.

...You deserve better than an old, poor werewolf!” he told her, his eyes sympathetic. Uh, no, sorry. Not sympathetic. He's talking about himself, he has to be angry at his pitiful situation and then he's in love. He's feeling lots of things at once. Then, his personal feelings would determine the expression on his face rather than what he ought to be feeling for Tonks. Right? So, perhaps change that from eyes to expression and you can replace it with a more appropriate choice: confused, frustrated...

“But you didn’t have to act so awfully! And besides, I don’t want someone else! All I’ve ever wanted is you!” she yelled. I'm guessing this is one of the first arguement they have on this matter of whether or not to be a couple? If yes, again the word 'yelled' implies exasperation beyond what she'd be feeling if this exchange is first of their kind, and in contrast more suitable to a third or fourth fight.

I'd really love for you to fill in between the lines. The pace is quite fast, because events unfold that way. But I felt something was amiss, perhaps more dialogue, reflection of Tonks' feelings as opposed to the harsh words she's throwing at him (though I do understand where she's coming from, I feel you need to develop this a bit).

Keep writing.

- Akay

P.S: I sometimes feel that it is harder to write about something you love (your OTP) because our feelings clash with it constantly. It was a nice attempt nontheless. Don't feel too let down by my comment, please! *hugs* I love your work!

Author's Response: Thank you, Akay. I have looked at the critques and made the proper corrections (now just to edit them on here); I hope it is better now. Given that this is one of my earlier pieces, I do agree that there could have been quite a few changes (though it took some mulling over to realize that). I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read this and point out the details. About Tonks' characterization, thank you so much; that was one thing I was really worried about. Thank you again for reading this and reviewing. :)

 

Family Bonds by A H
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: The end of Scorpius' second year at Hogwarts has come, and Draco finds himself in a home only slightly less quiet. Astoria, withdrawn and easily-angered, has been slipping away more and more often, and though both he and his son have grown accustomed to this attitude, Draco still longs for the family bonds he'd had only years ago.



This story is about the bonds of family, the passion of love, and the longing for hope in a world that's been ripping for longer than Draco had even imagined.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Violence

Word count: 7798 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
05/09/09 Updated: 06/25/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 05/14/09 Title: Chapter 1: Home Again

That is one of the most enjoyable stories I have read in a while! :D It was so sweet and the whole time *grins crazy* I was picturing Felton as Draco, and sweet Merlin didn't it create some pretty scenary there. /Spam :D And one more thing: the way this is written - the absolutely wonderful narration - how would you like a nomination for Audio fics? This is brilliant, Ari. I love it!

Okay. I seriously have no critique. But these are the part I loved:

He knew that Scorpius wouldn’t keep the room clean, but for several years Draco had attempted to implement a little organization in the chaos. Aw moment, number 1. ;)

Draco scowled at the students who had laughed at this and they quickly turned away and back to their friends. That was so really sweet. I immediately appreciated a little contrast that must been there b/w Lucius and Draco as dad. But I'm a little surprised because well Astoria seemed really minimal in this initial greeting scene. Scorpious does not make an attempt towards her, and her flat out stranger mum response is yeah well surprising.

I love the name 'Armanias' and Scorpious' bond with this young boy.

"No," Draco cut him off, holding his hand out. "Wand." Very nice balance of authority and friendship. Its the sort where Draco is shown being lenient with Scorpious most of time but his rare reprimand will be the kind of thing to look out for. How I am looking forward to such a scene. Ah.

Astoria was at her vanity again, messing with her hairpins. Despite having a long, beautiful mane of bright blond hair, she hadn't worn it down in ages, and insisted on keeping it in tight, complicated buns atop her head.

"Will you be joining us for breakfast? I cooked it all myself."

"I'm meeting mother for breakfast."

"Oh." Draco fought to keep the scowl off his face. "When will you be returning?"

"Later in the evening."

"Well alright then. Enjoy yourself. Tell her Scorpius and I send our well wishes."

"Yes, of course."


I can't help but quoting all this. The word 'messing' creates such a nice description, you know. It relays so perfectly Draco's feelings about his wife, half-annoyed at her daily rituals. It sort of made me smile. The dialogue that follows made me smile explicitly, because somehow I was picturing Ari being forced down to write sophisticated conversation and being so wonderful at that!

Just near the end however, I'm no so sure about Draco cleaning up the stuff in his son's room. It just doesnt seem right, this part. He's friendly but not a house-elf. This makes him too matronly in my opinion.

Thank you for the wonderful read. And update soon, please!

- Akay

Author's Response: AWW! *squishes!* Thank you so much for the wonderful review, Akay! *beams* Reviews like this make me so happy. :) I would be absolutely honored for an Audio Fiction nomination! *squishes again* -Ari-

 

In the Stillness of Night by cassie123
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: Past Featured Story



The night is still, crisp, unforgiving. I take my time to walk the stone path, staring down at the rough detail on every circular rock. This is my preparation for my own self-exposure. I’m composing myself before the time comes for me to unravel.


To tell the truth isn't always easy, not even for the ones you love.

A Scorpius Malfoy/Lily Potter one shot.


Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations

Word count: 4051 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/20/09 Updated: 05/26/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 06/18/09 Title: Chapter 1: In the Stillness of Night

This was absolutely an instant favourite. The first and second line itself are so engaging and they quickly draw the reader in. They also give me an idea of how approximately old the characters are and this is what gets me hooked further. :D While no doubt that there is no lack of young couple romance, there is lack of good romance. Your interpretation of Scorpius/Lily was great!

What I loved even more was how Scorpius and Lily both became their own individual and very distinctive characters within the first section of the one-shot itself. You gave them really really rich personalities and yes it kept me engaged.

I love this flaw in Lily's character, of being afraid of commitments. Usually in fiction it is portrayed the other way. And the change from usual is not the only nice thing, but the idea that this is so very probable for a character like Lily. Given the family background and the expectations involved, it is so reasonable that Lily would turn out the way she did. Good job there.

Merlin, the part where she goes home is so good! The saddness of it, the saddness you let the reader think of it on their own is the powerful element. I'm in awe of how you incorporated the theme of honesty. I feel many people who have some sort of personality issues that can pretty much be corrected with time and help, are very much aware of their sort of disorder and struggle with it most times, and think of it most times. The awareness is good, but I have often felt that I need an anchor to hold me in place, to help me fight my fears. I really related to Lily in certain things she said, and well, it was touching.

The ending of this beautiful one-shot just couldn't have been any perfect. Wow. The descriptions are HEAVENLY Cassie! My, I could squish you so hard!

The back of my head settles comfortably on the pillow, feeling like home. I somehow find your hand beneath layers of cloth and you grasp mine gently yet whole-heartedly. I roll to face you, though still keeping my distance. Our eyes meet briefly before yours drift shut, glimpses of grey vanishing behind soft lids.
If I quoted every favourite part of mine, I'd be threatening copying the whole of your one-shot on the review page :P

I have only a slight bit issue with your POV though. The combination of the use of 'you' with first person was a bit hard to understand. I actually had to go back reread a few sentences in the first section because I hadn't understood the style you were using. Also, it was just making reading a bit complex in places when simple 'he' could have done. But that's just regarding the first read I guess.

Overall, a brilliant work. Keep it up!

-Akay

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much for a lovely review. I'm so glad you liked my representation of this pairing, and my characterisation. It's good to have something I worked hard at appreciated. I don't think I could have changed certain parts to 'he', however, as that would have made the POV inconsistent, flawed. I understand though that it is a bit confusing at first. It just needs to be established that Scorpius is 'you' and Lily is 'I'. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! - Cassie

 

Tarot by DeadManSeven
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary:

A reading that consists of only cards from the Major Arcana indicates the destiny of the querant lies outside their own control - possibly within the hands of Fate itself.

Nineteen years pass between the final chapter and the epilogue. Here are two days inside those nineteen years.



Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 15136 Chapters: 7 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/24/09 Updated: 10/11/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 08/01/09 Title: Chapter 2: (I) - 'The Magician'

This was an interesting chapter that in essence I took as an information filler of sort, but in some ways it is capable of standing alone on it's own. Tarot left me in awe of how strong you have made the plot essentially from very simple things from Jo's world like a staff or the luck potion. The story behind these items is remarkably original. It leaves the reader behind in a daze, because the possibility - your idea of the standard Auror's wand being made of oak and unicorn hair or going wandless without charms when necessary - is unbelievably fitting

I must say I'm not so fond of Harry using a staff, it makes him look much older in my mind, but like I said, it is an interesting idea. And it's certainly not something I have ever thought about.

The exchange between Ollivander and Harry is of the wow variety. One of the best things about DH for me was the line "... the idea of a dark wizard in possession of this wand seemed to enthrall him as much as it repulsed him." My personal opinion on this is that the best of a craft/skill/profession can usually do what Jo mentions here with regard to Ollivander's ability to feel 'enthralled' and 'repulsed'. Barty Jnr shared a similar characteristic when he insisted upon appreciating the worse of the unforgiveable curses. I'm going slightly off topic, but I notice in your writing a very consistent and incredible knack of pin pointing the major characteristics Jo used to describe her character and using it in your stories. With regard to Ollivander I felt it in the following lines:
no, it's not completely out of his eyes. He just managed to push it down a little

...Harry felt a lump rise up in his throat as Ollivander so casually mentioned two legendary wands that had both once been in his possession

I wasn't at the same time sure whether Ollivander was perfectly in character. You know he seemed too perky for my taste, I had hoped he would be a lot more somber after that whole celler imprisonment. But then I realised this is it about Ollivander - he would be the one to move on and be able to become his old self after a few years.

On the whole my amazement with this chapter still rests with how much potential you have given simple objects as staff and wand just imagination.

-Akay-

Author's Response:

I think there's a kind of structure to the magic in Harry Potter - we as readers just don't ever get told much about what its rules are. I equate it a bit to reading an explanation of how to solve some algebra problem, but you've never been told about the number five - you can maybe understand on some symbolic level about how a solution is reached, but until it's explained that there's a number between four and six it won't all click in to place completely and become clear. The magic in the Harry Potter universe isn't random and the result of a lot of hand-waving on the author's part (which is one of the things I really like about it and what sets it apart from a lot of fantasy literature, both good and bad), so there's a lot of it you can break down and come up with in-world explanations and origins for.

Take, for example, the staff. Wizards with pointy hats and wands is a well-worn fantasy trope, and it's one that Harry Potter co-opts. So why not staves, too? That's just as popular an image, if wizards like Gandalf and Saruman have had any influence over fantasy writing. HP universe wizards have to hide in plain sight, and so a small length of wood is easier to conceal than half a branch would be. But there was a time when wizards weren't so afraid of showing what they were, so could there have been staves then? If so, what way might they be different from a wand? Is there any reason for anyone to be using them in modern day? Does anyone still know about staff usage, and if so, who would they be? And so I answer those questions and the ideas come from there.

I love that Ollivander is possibly the only person to speak about Voldemort in shades of grey in the series. To everyone else he's either a maniac or a visionary, but Ollivander gives a view that's devoid of moral judgement and focused instead on raw power. It's the same thing that makes us obsessed with studying figures like Alexander and Hitler and Ghengis Khan - how just a single person can bend the whole world to their will. I got the impression that Ollivander, being a man who has studies the tools that shape magic (which is, in the end, just an extension of a wizard's will over the world, isn't it?), might be more interested in such things than most.

I see how he could be changed for the worse after his imprisonment, and I think perhaps he was, for a little while - he's no longer running his old shop, after all, possibly after realising his own mortality a little and figuring he needs someone to take over for him sooner or later - but I reasoned that moving on to specialised wandwork - projects that would be interesting, unique, challenging - would be excellent motivation fuel.

Thanks for reading and, again, thanks for leaving such deetailed reviews.

 
Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 08/01/09 Title: Chapter 3: (IX) - 'The Hermit'

Till yet, this was my favourite chapter.

Draco gripped his glass and shifted it back and forth idly and muttered, "Maybe I'll eat those fucking peacocks." I was laughing and laughing at this line, at how perfectly it fit with who Draco is, the reasons he might be drinking alone in that bar, his childhood, his mounds of gold. It was nice to see the person Draco has developed in between the nineteen years and also a casual, personal, spontaneous reference to who he was in the past life.

The second part in the chapter is done brilliantly. It is the sort of internal banter I always expect from those filthy looking drinkers on the tv. The place where Draco is sitting was kind of hard to make out - it was was written it seemed with a very professional touch - but I had to reread it to get the idea.

Luna was unexpected. I have never read a Draco/Luna before owing to what just seems the sheer impossibility of it. But this appeared easy, natural enough. The way you narrate it, I don't question situations many of the times. Because the story just leaves you with enough details to give it substance and a body but there is no need it seems for anything more. I remember asking you to write a prequel to Iris explaining the background/history which leads to that moment, but I'm just getting used to this style of yours. I'm curious of the events that lead Draco there but I don't feel I need to read anymore to figure that out.

"I'm going to stand up and kiss you now," she said, "And then I plan to take you by the hand and lead you to my bedroom." Gee. That was a bit too straight forward, I thought. I never pictured Luna to pick random former schoolmates off the street and take them home. Haha. I dismissed my initial preoccupation about this with the easy 'It's Luna'. -shrugs- The old curious self is taking over me here a bit, so the question is, why Draco? Perhaps she was looking forward evenly to the confession she makes later. I don't think it is something she often shares with people. I'm not sure many people knew about her mother when she was at Hogwarts. But she told Harry that. I think she could really empathize with Draco.

And I know that if I keep looking, and if I find something that he believes in, that will be the thing that was lost. - That was so beautiful. Poignant. And beautiful.

Draco was about to ask what this had to do with anything and stopped himself. No, there was something there. He might have the logic of it... - I loved this chapter because I can't drop the feeling it has left, because I can't figure out what this last part meant. I am so lost. It is so Luna but it completely flew over my head. At the same time, I can't help but smile at how absurd and different and human this person Luna is. It's awesome.

-Akay-

Author's Response: That may be one of my favourite lines, too - sums up all the confusion and bitterness and unresolved everything Draco wants to direct at his father but can't, all while masquerading as a throwaway line.

I don't think there's any way to actually tell, but Draco is drinking at the Three Broomsticks, and it's Hannah Abbott pouring his shots. I did have some thought of mentioning it in the story, but it didn't really serve much point other than pointing out 'Look how interconnected everything is!'. So, if that explanation isn't to anyone's liking, they're free to make up one of their own, since the story itself has very little to say on the matter.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition Luna Lovegood. I'm not a big fan of writing where things are over-explained - especially when I've reached the conclusion a good deal of time before the author gets there - but I also can't stand writing that's being overtly cryptic just for its own sake - y'know, like dancing around a name in conversation or deliberately omitting who is being described doing something. Human beings are pattern recognition machines, we're built to sift through information until we can put it in a context that makes sense, so that's how I try to write. I expect everyone can keep up with the simple things like time and place and whatnot from context, so I can get on with writing my scene instead of rehashing everything that came before it - and if there's something to be hidden, it's better to just put it out in plain sight and direct attention away from it, rather than doing the literary equivalent of throwing a curtain over it and shouting, 'You don't know what's under here! Nyah!'

It is easy to dismiss a lot of things Luna does as just her being herself, but, you know, who is Luna? Xenophilius Lovegood's daughter, for one, so a lot of his views of the world get filtered into hers. But my version of Luna here is at odds with her father (at this point in time) - feeling betrayed by him and his belief in things that are untrue (while Luna's very open to alternate interpretations of the world, I don't think she'd ever support one that was proveably false), she latches on to the truth, things that she can verify herself as being completely true. No spin, no bias, just the facts. But, in this period of re-invention, Luna can't just sit back and let the truth come to her - she has to go forth into the world and grab the truth by the throat, and that means being on the inside of an experience to understand it, Hunter S. Thompson style. I don't imagine her as having had a one-night stand before, or re-crossing paths with someone she couldn't identify her emotional response to, and so what she does kind of kills two birds with one stone. She doesn't need to share a physical closeness with Draco, though, but an emotional one - she opens up about her relationship with her father to try and help Draco muddle through the troubles he's having with his. (How it is that Luna knows what has happened with Lucius, or even if she does at all, is anyone's guess.)

Useless bits of information - like 'drake' meaning both 'kite' and 'dragon' in Swedish - tend to stick with me until I can put them to good use, and between these two characters seemed like the obvious place. Luna's philosophy might be a little couched in symbolism, but there is some truth behind it. Draco feels he has to make the choice about what kind of man he is going to be - kite or dragon - and she tells him he doesn't need to choose: if he comes at it from the right place, he can be both. (On the subject of useless information, I did have plans to try and include some kind of double-reference to Stockholm Syndrome, but since it would have to have come from Draco's perspective, it was far too much of a Muggle concept to make it in.)

 
Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 06/19/09 Title: Chapter 1: (III) - 'The Empress'

*rushes in*

Whew, had exams you know, so the review is delayed :)

First off, minor errors:

"There's been a number of studies showing they can respond positively to being spoken to."
Think 'There have been a number of studies...' would read better?

Similarly:
I made it a habit of going there for lunch while I've been here.
Perhaps: I made a habit of going there...

I was very taken by this chapter the first time I read a few months ago. I really like how the description of Neville's greenhouse work is balanced with his recollections of his date with Hannah. The pace of the story was very slow but consistent. A very nice break from dramatic character explorations in which I'm often at the brink of skipping over lines to see what happens. Here its the opposite, I enjoy as you slowly make the points.

"Empress" is also a really very reasonable take on Neville after Deathly Hallows. He grew up so much in his final year of Hogwarts and his increased confidence is well-portrayed.

Ginny is a bit foreign to me. But it is the sort of characterisation that will still be memorable because it's unique.

The ending was very sweet: Ginny asking for a pot for Harry :)

That smile was making Neville very aware of a few things, like that throughout the day he may have run a hand through his hair once or twice and gotten dirt in it, or that the shirt he was wearing didn't have any sleeves.
*giggles* I don't know why but

 
Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 06/19/09 Title: Chapter 1: (III) - 'The Empress'

Oops, what just happened! I'll continue shall I?

That smile was making Neville very aware of a few things, like that throughout the day he may have run a hand through his hair once or twice and gotten dirt in it, or that the shirt he was wearing didn't have any sleeves.
*giggles* I don't know why but I haven't read any Neville-centric fictions which hinted even slightly at Neville's masculinity. Yours was very subtly done. I really really liked the reference.

He had checked the roster of new students three times and had made neat little stacks of empty pots with the exact number, then after a moment of consideration added two for any potential mistakes (one for each class),
:) I love linking small bits of descriptions to what we have been told in canon. Neville breaking cups in Divination has a potential connection here. Dunno whether you did this deliberately, but it fits in nicely.

Will drop in for the second chapter soon! Another great piece.

- Akay

Author's Response:

I'll just tackle both of these together.

 I was very taken by this chapter the first time I read a few months ago. I really like how the description of Neville's greenhouse work is balanced with his recollections of his date with Hannah. The pace of the story was very slow but consistent. A very nice break from dramatic character explorations in which I'm often at the brink of skipping over lines to see what happens. Here its the opposite, I enjoy as you slowly make the points.

I'm not really a big fan of character study stuff myself, particularly the kind that's mostly internal reflections of a character (because, really, how often do real people go over their own thoughts and motives to such a degree?). I'd rather read and especially rather write about people just going about their lives - their character can come though just as well, and they get to do something in the process.

 "Empress" is also a really very reasonable take on Neville after Deathly Hallows. He grew up so much in his final year of Hogwarts and his increased confidence is well-portrayed.

Ginny is a bit foreign to me. But it is the sort of characterisation that will still be memorable because it's unique.

I view all of Neville's character as being tied to his plants - not just on a symbolic level where he blooms late and all that, but also that something he was very well-versed in at a time when he didn't think he was very good at anything becomes a source of security and confidence. He's obviously not going to remain the boy in the shadow of his grandmother his whole life, but that part of him won't just up and go away, either, so I think it's important with Neville to show that he has confidence coming from somewhere than just simply that he has confidence now.

Ginny, on the other hand, remains unknown to me. I'm not really sure I ever manage much to see inside her head - maybe I got the briefest glimpse when I realised that, in this story, she's a little worried about how good of a mother she'll be, but beyond that her motives are hers alone.

*giggles* I don't know why but I haven't read any Neville-centric fictions which hinted even slightly at Neville's masculinity. Yours was very subtly done. I really really liked the reference.

I tried to approach all the characters in this story with the idea that I had to find ways to show how they'd changed in seven years or so - the familiarity with Hogwarts beyond what the students have was one of the things Neville got. I'm completely certain that, when he first was an apprentice, he tried to keep his robes looking nice and never called any of the staff by their first names, but when a couple of years pass... I compare Neville sweating in the greenhouse in a sleeveless shirt to turning the stereo up when nobody else is home while you clean the house - fun and all, but you wouldn't do it if you knew anyone would be coming home soon.

 :) I love linking small bits of descriptions to what we have been told in canon. Neville breaking cups in Divination has a potential connection here. Dunno whether you did this deliberately, but it fits in nicely.

I see the adult Neville as being extremely 'measure twice, cut once' - he's done his share of dropping stuff and breaking things and it's always somewhere in the back of his mind not to do any more of it. I don't think he's clumsy by nature, though - unlike, say, Tonks, who just accepts the two left feet she was born with and moves on, Neville's clumsiness comes out of vicious cycles of being judged by authority figures like Snape and his grandmother. Take those figures away, or give him the confidence to stand up to them, and that breaks the cycle, but constantly being on guard to not break that cup or not mess up that potion will remain for a long time.

Thanks for the review - I had fun reading (and replying to) it.

 

Redemption by pheonixfeather94
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: Sin, Blood, Faith, Forgiveness, Growth, Life. Redemption.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Strong Profanity, Violence

Word count: 3494 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/28/09 Updated: 06/06/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 06/18/09 Title: Chapter 1: Redemption

Wow is the word.

The Ron-part: The basic concept is so very wonderful and as I related to Ron in some places it was really engaging. My issue was the constant repetition and so much italics really. Actually, if only you hadn't proceeded so wonderfully with the plot, the style of writing would have got in the way.

I absolutely adored the reference to eyes. Because this is the sort of description you drop out of nowhere, yet adding so much value and leaving a very lasting impression on the reader.

Remus was adorable. This is the one interpretation I just didn't get bored of Remus moaning over his condition and misfortune. This view of Tonks' big news was heaven. Remus' reaction is rich and I was in awe.

Because in the end, it doesn’t matter how much he hates himself for doing this to her, or how much he wishes it wouldn’t have happened, or how utterly terrified he is, the only thing that matters is that she is happy, and right now, he can feel her grinning into his hair and he knows that she is absolutely ecstatic.

He lays a hand over her still-flat belly, and presses his lips to her ear.

Aw. I mean I don't have really any words to express how much I loved this. This sort of has become the standard Remus characterisation for me. Whatever Remus I read in fanfiction now I'll compare it to your writing of him :D

He is not expecting her quiet confession, though—she’s not one of those people who will openly and willingly share their feelings—and he feels his eyebrows jump up a little as he turns his head again to look at her.
Ah. I'm in the process of writing J/L myself but I'm writing the other way, so that James is the one who doesn't always share what he is thinking. I like this though. It was very platonic, nice, non-romantic yet powerful look over this pairing.

He studies her for a moment, not sure that he understands this curious girl at all. But she smiles at him, her teeth so bright in the darkness, and begins to talk once again.
Haha. Just before I read this line, I knew what you were going to write! Was it predictable? Hell ya! Was it well-written, well-incorporated? Certainly :D

Now the thing that didn't work for me: Sirius. It was nice, but I think its just due to a pet peeve of mine, having Walburga to be a torturous, villanious thing. Plus, it wouldn't have been an issue if it were not for the vivid vivid detail, which just was a little too much for me. I like Sirius' resulting reactions though which were described very well, but its just the concept of Walburga being an evil mum that sort of annoys me.

Great job overall. Wouldn't forget your Ron, Remus and Tonks ever!

- Akay

Author's Response: Aw, thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm glad you thought the characterization was good. Ah. I'm in the process of writing J/L myself but I'm writing the other way, so that James is the one who doesn't always share what he is thinking. I like this though. It was very platonic, nice, non-romantic yet powerful look over this pairing. I'll definitely have to check your fic out and compare it ;) Now the thing that didn't work for me: Sirius. It was nice, but I think its just due to a pet peeve of mine, having Walburga to be a torturous, villanious thing. Plus, it wouldn't have been an issue if it were not for the vivid vivid detail, which just was a little too much for me. I like Sirius' resulting reactions though which were described very well, but its just the concept of Walburga being an evil mum that sort of annoys me. I usually don't go for this type of Wlaburga either, but i dunno...she sorta just popped up, I guess. *shrugs* I guess i write Ron and Remus really well. Haha. Everybody's been saying how well-written they are. Anyway. Thanks so much! :D

 

Bludgers and Meteors by lucilla_pauie
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 14]

Summary: No candlelit dinner, no getting down on one knee.

This was how it happened instead. During Sunday brunch.

Surrounded by Weasleys and babies, instead of violin notes and posies.

With sniping and bellowing, along with the embraces and kissing.

But it was no less perfect.

Categories: Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 3863 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/11/09 Updated: 06/11/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 08/18/09 Title: Chapter 1: Bludgers and Meteors

Definitely features dialogue with a Joanna-ish quality, something I could pick up in five anoynmous scripts. Enjoyed it to bits. But nothing beat the ending. Can't decide if I love Harry or Ginny more than other. Both beautifully in character.

I nominated the story for AudioFictions. Have my fingers crossed!

-Akay-

Author's Response: Aww, what a lovely surprise this is, Akay. Thank you so mucho. Makes me wish I'll be able to experience it, too, if it does become an Audiofic! *hugs*

 

Summary: Sequel to 'The Watch Unwinds Until It Stops.'

The Black brothers' lives continue to unfold in unexpected directions. For Regulus, his final year at Hogwarts will bring many difficult decisions about life, friends, family, love, and the war that is going on behind the scenes.

Categories: Marauder Era, Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations

Word count: 6341 Chapters: 3 Completed: No
Published:
07/05/09 Updated: 08/14/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 03/24/12 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue: Mess It All Up

Will you be writing more of this?

 

Frames of Existence by cassie123
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 22]

Summary:

‘Go on,’ she says, ‘paint me. You want to do things right.’

They meet in an art class, brought together by the talent and passion they share.

A Lily/Scorpius one shot.


Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1756 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/10/09 Updated: 07/14/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 07/24/09 Title: Chapter 1: Frames of Existence

Now I'm absolutely torn deciding favourites between 'On Top Of The World' 'In Stillness Of The Night' and 'Frames Of Existence'. Very drawing titles by the way.

First the follow up issue. Though right now I'm thinking I'd love a follow up, most of the feeling I have regarding that is emerging from the residual flutter in my stomach hours and now days after I have read it again. But I think the better idea would be to use this context of paint, art, Rose, Scorpius in another idea. I'd really like that. It just seems reading this one-shot like this couple was meant to be here somehow. It was fitting in a way I cannot even begin to describe the 'wow' factor it carried.

I have said this before, I'm in awe of your ability to give this character life making her so believable with each prompt. I also like how you integrated a seeming muggle activity and gave it the perfect wizarding touch. I have recently become very annoying about such things that don't convince me. But this idea really flowed.

But the best part of this one-shot was really how you wrote Scorpius especially towards the last set of dialogues. That was brilliant in the way his demeanour changes, and the way it is written I can almost hear the change in his tone. I have been following all your prompt pretty closely I have found a linking feature: the way you seem to say very much by using very less words.

At last, he brings his eyes to hers. Sighing, he says, ‘Of course. Sorry. She can go.’ This line for me was the turning point of the one-shot. I am very intrigued by Scorpius overall because you introduce us to some familiar some unfamiliar aspects of his character which makes me want to know more about him. So perhaps you may consider writing something from the point of view if opportunity and idea presents.

Madame is a darling ;) I like the personal association she shares uniquely with Scorpius and Lily. I want to give some more thought to linking the prompt to the story itself so perhaps I will make a return trip to this review box.

Good one.

- Akay

Author's Response: Akay! You're such a dear for following my SPEW 007 stories. I love you for that. Thanks so much for a great review. Yes, I most certainly will use the art theme with Lily* and Scorpius - I really love that idea. Thanks for your kind comments on my characterisation of this pairing; I really work hard at them! Keep your eye out for new stories and drabbles. :) - Cassie

 

This Beauty By My Side by kalae_zoe
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: There were some nights, not unlike tonight, when Harry would wonder what he ever did to deserve a life like this, to be able to have such a beauty like Ginny by his side.


Takes place after the Final Battle, but before the Epilogue.

Categories: Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1519 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/22/09 Updated: 08/01/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 08/01/09 Title: Chapter 1: This Beauty By My Side

Does bed time for this MNFF reader get any better than that? But this means you have robbed me of my sleep. Can't say anymore except that it was well-written. You just might wanna remove the CAPS from 'Neville!'. I always thought CAPS was like shouting - I'm sure that's not what Harry would be doing standing at the altar. Brilliant job otherwise.

-Akay-

 

Staring into the Fire by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 15]

Summary: When Harry broke into Dolores Umbridge's office to demand answers from Sirius and Remus, he little knew this would be the last proper conversation he would have with his godfather.

But what of the two that were left staring into the fire?

For Moony and Padfoot, it is a chance to re-live old times -- a chance to answer those questions long put aside.

This is Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff and this is my entry for the Bookbasilisk Summer Challenge - Gift of the Gab.

Many thanks to Afifa and MorganRay for beta'ing this story. I would also like to thank Miss K for some constructive comments she made about an earlier draft.

Disclaimer You know the drill. I am not JK Rowling. I doubt that's come as a huge surprise, but I thought I should let you know.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity

Word count: 2097 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/24/09 Updated: 07/24/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 07/24/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

It didn't worked as well as I'd have liked. Hmm, reasons. If you didn't tell me that Sirius/Remus are 35/36 years old at this point in the story, I'd never be able to guess. Maybe I will by the content they are discussing yes, but I mean to say I believe that that whole gap in Sirius' life due to Azkaban, and all that surpassed before Sirius was imprisoned, and also everything that Sirius was feeling while being hidden in Grimmauld Place just didn’t seem to work its way in the story, in the way Sirius talks in this one-shot. He's too pre-Azkaban, and in a way he should be of course because we all know like Jo says he never got that chance to grow up but somehow I didn't feel Sirius ‘appropriate to the point of time’ in which he is being written emerging well from the character. You include the 'recklessness' and 'defensive of James' side but there was nothing new. There was not much unique about their conversation, something that’d touch a chord with the reader. I think there could have something more. There is almost an ease with which Sirius discusses the past with Remus and vice versa. I'm not sure that'd be the case. I'm not sure bringing in the WW incident was the best move here. And again the way Sirius talks about it. Because personally, I'm thinking he wouldn't even want to talk about it. I'm not sure either of them would. Suggestion: you could have a shown either one of them reluctant to pursue that course in the conversation and thus leave the reader to draw their own reasons as to why because it can work fine either of the way. It works fine both ways too. But originality is lost somewhere there in between.

The second implication of bringing this incident was that the whole one-shot became sort of scattered in everything we know about them. Plot-wise, I mean. If I am reading dialogue only story I'd like the writer to focus more and particularly on one topic of discussion. The whole emphasis in such a case would then be on how language/speech is employed to convey discomfort, unease, hesitation, humour, frustration (all emotions I felt would be very commonly shared b/w 35/36 year aged Sirius/Remus when seated together).

Another thing that left me a little down: the use of names. I’m not sure I share The_Dream_Team’s view on this. Sirius at one point I believe uses Lupin somewhere in the books. While I don't want to read extensively into the reasoning but the use of his second name suggests a strangeness I guess Sirius would/should/perhaps is feeling, which I really actually liked. It made Sirius more believeable when written after the Azkaban imprisonment. In your story you used nicknames and that again with them receiving extra focus when you wrote “Blimey, first names. This must be serious. What are you after?. I felt that when you use the dialogue-only style whatever you are putting in the dialogues suddenly starts makes A LOT more difference than it'd usually. Using 'Sirius' 'Remus' 'Lupin' instead of 'Padfoot' and 'Moony' would reflect on a more grown side of theirs, unless it is spoken of it in a especially sentimental regard. Perhaps you had used only James' name being referred to as 'Prongs' and so when read in conjunction with the whole context there'd be a significance to it, that is James died and like you used once I believe the words 'preserved in time' and so James would be preserved in time with his nickname while Remus and Sirius are still well alive would be sort of moving on, growing, not stagnated in time. Right now in the story I feel like when you read those marauder era stories and ask yourself how in the world the marauders get away using in public seemingly weird names. Not that that would be the best comparison here, but I merely want to the say how nicknames become redundant quickly this way.

The ending is particularly good. I really liked it. I cracked up at Vanity, thy name is Black. Your earlobe is fine. This was very nice.

He’ll probably ask us if she was drugged with a love potion or something. Meh, this brings up certain memories. I forgot who suggested the Lily being drugged idea. I'm sure I have read it somewhere on the forums. Was it CM? Hmm. I can't be sure.

- Akay

Author's Response: Actually it's Harry who suggests that Lily was drugged with a love potion. Snape fans can take that which ever way they want ... LOL. Remus saying it, was to underline the outrageousness of the suggestion. *grins wickedly*

Ahh, Akay, sorry it wasn't to your liking, but quite frankly I felt it was about time those two men talked about that incident. Regarding their ages, Sirius simply isn't as mature, he went to Azkaban in his early twenties and just hasn't matured as much as Remus. So that was why I wrote him like that.

Nicknames - Confession time. I'm old - not Marauder era, it's true - but I have reunions with college pals. I still get called 'Pig' at every reunion. We slip back into the banter and I think Remus and Sirius would have done too, when they didn't have the constraints of being grown ups around them (Blimey you should see my husband and his mates - Sirius and Remus are the most mature of adults in comparison). They do use their old nicknames in canon ("The Servant of Lord Voldemort") so I think they'd definitely use them in private, when they're having a chat. It bonds them. You say their nicknames are wierd - I mentioned I was called Pig - for no real reason - and my husband is known as 'Granny' because of a passing remark made to him at school over twenty years ago. Sorry, it's something I feel strongly about and although you disagree and have a good point, I have to differ.

I'm glad you liked the last line. It seems to be the favourite so far.

Good, concise review, Akay, so thank you. Carole xxx

 

'Tis the Night by Astrid Skywalker
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: He wanders aimlessly down the boulevard, allowing himself to be jostled by the rush-hour crowd. It is Christmas Eve, 1994: his first Christmas Eve away from England. He finds it utterly confusing.

A Sirius-centric one-shot. Written in Christmas 2008 for a dear friend. Hope you like it. =)

(It's been a while, I know, but I figured that if I added a couple of fics to MNFF, I'd be able to get my writing mojo back. We'll see. Fingers crossed. Lyrics are taken from Vienna Teng's "The Atheist Christmas Carol.")



Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1166 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/26/09 Updated: 07/26/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 07/27/09 Title: Chapter 1: 'Tis the Night

Hmm, I'm wondering here how something can be brilliant in simplicity. I loved the Remus/Sirius dynamics, well-written. I was a little doubtful later on regarding the girl Sirius meets, but that paragraph itself of Sirius reacting first to her presence is written quite remarkably that everything else was more than easy to ignore.

Remus sighs. “Non-edible.” Loved this whole conversation - it was very, alive.

And oh, if this would mean anything to you: I think you got your writing mojo back.

-Akay-



Author's Response: Hmm... the scene with Sirius and the girl in her apartment? Yeah, it's a bit sketchy, isn't it? I just figured that, after 13 years of lacking human contact, Sirius would be desperate for some company, however form that may take. But in any case, I do love writing dialogue for him and Remus. So much, in fact, that I tend not to mind when they take over my head. >.> And of course, thank you so much for your review! I'm glad that you think I've got my mojo back -- hopefully I'll be able to come up with more stuff in the near future.

 

Summary: It is not the full moon, nor an alcoholic night gone wrong, nor a day before finals. No. It is the first meeting of junior members of the Order of the Phoenix, and Remus is terrified out of his wits.

A Remus-centric one-shot.

Lyrics taken from "Butterflies and Hurricanes" by Muse.

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2164 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/26/09 Updated: 07/26/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 07/27/09 Title: Chapter 1: Butterflies and Hurricanes

Gee, you seem to have given me a tie. Which one to like best? The best thing here though was the turned table characterisation you used. People don't often write Remus complete without the some pathetic, pitiful aspects, but yours for a change was different. The vulnerability builds slowly, the reader has time to associate with it and thus empathize with it and then it sort of eases off him - you show that Sirius helps him do that. While this a often used aspect in his characterisation, I think you did a nice job at it. Peter was wow. L/J worked without working too much. It was all just brilliant. I really appreciated for one a piece of writing that wasn't trying to form judgement of any character. The story does that at times, but the focus never draws greatly to that. I like just reading, reading whatever's going on and forming my own judgement of what's there. For instance, even as small role Peter was given here, you dropped no hint of him freaking out, or the idea of the malicious potential traitor hidden in him. For that I'm grateful. These little things combined, with you describing Remus's feelings aptly, and the well-written idea of swapping usual character roles b/w Remus and Sirius combinedly gave you a pretty good one-shot I think. Nicely done.

- Akay-

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you! I definitely agree with you on all your points about characterization, and I've always tried to be careful with it. Remus is my favourite character from the series and one of my favourites to write (especially when interacting with Sirius), so I'm glad that you liked the way I wrote him here. Thanks again for the wonderful review!

 

Memories by A H
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 21]

Summary: Harry takes Ginny on a trip down memory lane. Some memories should be cherished forever, and sometimes we have to put the past behind us so that we can make new memories.

Categories: Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2281 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/10/09 Updated: 08/17/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 08/18/09 Title: Chapter 1: Memories

I'm thinking, 'It's where you would say yes' might work better as the last line, but it's your choice. Nice story though. The ending was particularly good and the memorable part. Feeling a bit torn to see that you didn't heed any of our posts when you asked whether Harry would rebuild the Godrics Hollow cottage ;) but no worries. It turned out very well. For fluff, I mean. Hope you're back from the writer's block smoothly and quickly.

-Akay-

Author's Response: Oh, this wasn't anything to do with their rebuilding, it just happens that he wanted to propose there. Thank you for the review. :)

 
Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 08/18/09 Title: Chapter 1: Memories

Something I had noticed, forgot to mention: He took her chin in his hands and looked at her for a moment, from her blazing green eyes to her soft, freckled cheeks, and smiled widely.
Are you refering to Ginny's eyes as being 'green'?

Author's Response: Ah, I always go to green rather than brown; she looks like Lily in my mind and it's easy to forget she isn't a carbon copy. Thanks again. ;)

 

Summary: Between the Snoring and the Seemingly Imminent Death is a short one-shot inspired by the passage in Deathly Hallows in which Harry awakes on the first morning in Grimmauld Place, noticing that perhaps Ron and Hermione's hands had been together during the night. This story--for I shall spare you the unnecessarily long title again--is about what happened during that night, when Ron and Hermione know that the next few months of their lives are not going to be easy, for the moments that are under the most pressure are undoubtedly the ones we most feel confessions are necessary.

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1648 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/14/09 Updated: 08/25/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 08/25/09 Title: Chapter 1: Between the Snorting and the Seemingly Imminent Death

Ari darling, you have a bit of thing with canon! :D It's 'Grimmauld Place'. You spelled it 'grimwauld'. Sorry for being the killjoy! I liked the story. Interesting choice of scene. It was developed nicely too.

She had imagined the moment she told someone, anyone, that she truly loved them, would be like fireworks or one of the old, Muggle romance movies she used to watch, but lying on the cold floor of Number Twelve Grimwauld place with her best friend of six years, it didn’t feel like anything had changed except his need to apologize for everything he’d ever done to her.

I loved this paragraph and the casual admission of his feelings. It was very realistic and beautiful in simplicity. It was always how I'd imagined: spontaneous like we saw in the room of requirment.

-Akay

 

Birthday Wishes by lily meet ginny
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: As Harry turns twenty nine, he realizes that not all wishes occur right after they are made. Some take time to happen. Set on 31 July, 2009. This is cannon time compliant. I do not own the characters of this story.

Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1897 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/21/09 Updated: 08/28/09


Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus Signed
Date: 08/28/09 Title: Chapter 1: Birthday Wishes

This was bloody brilliant for a first fiction! I had trouble going over things like 'Gin' and incredibly exceptional wandless magic skills, but the narration had far more high points for those to bother me much. I liked the individual importance and details you gave to each of Harry's kids. And I loved how you ended the story. The dynamics between the characters was well-written. Looking forward to more from you. You certainly nailed this one.

-Akay-

 
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