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FinalCow [Contact]

Hi! I'm the publisher of the small firm Honey Buns and Sunshine. My co-author is modem-ly challenged making me the sole propritor of this. :)

Hey! I'm not modem-ly challenged! And since when are you the sole proprietor? Hi, everyone I'm the co-author. You can call me M. Ta-ta.

Excuse me, did I ask your humble opinion? NO! Go sit at your silly sad decrepit computer and...write. Yeah. By the way, y'all call me J.

except my silly, sad, decrpit laptop NEVER EVER breaks down, where as YOU are always having to deal with your comp. acting up. So there.

I beg your pardon? My beloved computer has never, ever had problems 'acting up' If there is a problem; it's from overprotectiveness from the parental units. So ha.

Anyway, 'bout me, I mean us...I mean, oh whatever. We live in the great state of Texas. Where life is a little brighter and the grass is a little greener. And the mosquitoes are killer

About our pen name. My friend is a little hard of hearing and swore her sister was screaming "Final Cow! Final Cow!" instead of "I need a Towel!" How you get one from the other is beyond me. To comemorate her first step into senility, we named our pen name such. ;-) Why did you capitalize 'towel'?

We write; if we're not writing, we're reading; if we're not reading, we're editing. If we're not editing it's because we're waiting for the computer to boot up. It's a vicious cycle.

So far we've written a 274 page self-published book, a million short stories and this sole fanfic.

I know what you're thinking, and yes I do have a life outside of this

I just have less homework than you do.

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Stories by FinalCow [1]
Favorite Authors [1]
Favorite Stories [4]
FinalCow's Favorites [5]
Reviews by FinalCow

Potter's Pentagon: The Truth (Book Two) by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: This is book two in the "Potter's Pentagon" trilogy. Read "Potter's Pentagon: The Five" first, myesss? Cool.

WARNING: This story contains French people, an internal monologue about a blue orange, adolescent facial hair, good old-fashioned snogging, superstitious truck drivers, a portrait who calls everyone "Mavis," a zoo break-in, some very strange clothes, romantic conflict galore, and Ron Weasley's caffeine addiction. And worst of all, Professor Zabini!

Hogwarts is hosting the Triwizard Tournament, and when one of the members of Potter's Pentagon is selected to represent the school, much excitement ensues. Simultaneously, elections are being held for Minister of Magic, and things are getting busy at the Ministry.

Not to mention the fact that Jordan's made a new Muggle friend without informing her of the itty-bitty fact that he's magical, Haley has found an enchanted diary of dubious origin, Ted's met a werewolf from Beauxbatons, and Emma... well, Emma's not having a good year.

And what exactly is Ivy up to, anyway?

Everyone has secrets. But in the end, the truth will have to come out.

Starring Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character Nominees Ivy Potter, Emma Weasley, Haley Potter, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards!
Reviewer: FinalCow Signed
Date: 11/27/07 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: In Which Deja Vu Appears In The Form Of A Diary Of Dubious Origin

Yeah! Book two appears! Somehow I managed to miss chapter one :(
I really like Giorgi, plus her letters are a good way to get in Jordan's head, and Jordan rocks - sad he didn't get prefect, but he should be an interesting quidditch captain. I look forward to chapter three!

Author's Response: Well, zank you! I have to review your story, but I can\'t use the computer for long... glad you liked Giorgi! I\'m kind of annoyed that chapter three isn\'t posted yet.

Reviewer: FinalCow Signed
Date: 12/19/07 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5: In Which Emma Enjoys Mild Insanity

I cannot *wait* to see the look on Haley's professor's face when she says she wants to be an actress. Ought to be priceless. I really liked the task you chose, and the Jarveys were quite funny. I'd never heard the term "porkies" before. By the way, Apple isn't some sort of evil minion in disguise, is he? 'cause that would suck...

Author's Response: Especially since Haley\'s professor is her own Aunt Hermione, who\'s known her since birth! I had fun with the task.

I THINK \'porkies\' might mean lies, like pork pies = lies, but that might have been one of the words that Erasmus Cairnwright made up in \"Love a Duck.\" I can never remember what\'s real and what\'s not.

Reviewer: FinalCow Signed
Date: 02/05/08 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8: In Which Tyrone Does NOT Enjoy Brief Insanity

Poor Emma. You think you've done everything right, and it turns out you've metaphorically scored in the other team's basket. *sigh*
I liked this task a lot - especially Peeves giving out a clue (asking for trouble, that; I'm hardly surprised Emma and Marina got switched) and the Mavis portrait.
Tell Ron that 40 isn't that old.

Author's Response: I do feel bad for Emma... I don\'t know why the Triwizard Cup picked her. It should\'ve been Haley, but she had her own plot going on in this story!

I had ridiculous amounts of fun writing this task. It was my favourite part to write in this story.

Forty is not old. Johnny Depp is older than that, and I know preteens who love him.

Author's Response: So I just read your author\'s page... I always wondered why your name was FinalCow. That is the awesomest reason for a username ever!

Only Him by R_Ravenclaw

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: I could see it every time I looked into her eyes.

At first I thought her eyes were beautiful. They were black and strong; she obviously wanted nothing more than to follow the one she loved.

It wasnít me she loved.

And I donít know when I found out.

Reviewer: FinalCow Signed
Date: 11/20/07 Title: Chapter 1: Only Him

Wow, now I feel so sorry for Rodolphus. I 've never thought much about him before, he's such a nonentity compared to Bella. Really interesting, really well written

Author's Response: The relationship they have is purely defined by her love for Voldemort, but no one ever considers how Rodolphus might have felt about her. Thanks for the review!

Kill Bill (And Arthur) by Schmerg_The_Impaler, Nevilles Girl

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: It is a blustery day in Hogsmeade, and Arthur and Bill Weasley are minding their own business. That is, until they each receive letters instructing them to mind each other's business in a most intrusive and rather final sort of way.

But this is not just about Arthur and Bill. They happen to be a small part of a much bigger, much more ambitious scheme that they know nothing about, run by a frighteningly powerful organization. What exactly is going on, and what exactly will Arthur and Bill do?

Written as an entry for the Gauntlet, by Schmerg_The_Impaler of Hufflepuff house (most of the Bill bits) and Neville's Girl of Slytherin house (most of the Arthur bits). Probably the strangest thing either of us has ever written.
Reviewer: FinalCow Signed
Date: 07/02/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only

Darn you. You've given FinalCow ideas. Now we want to run around in (extremely tasteful) cloaks and menace HP characters. But it was an extremely excellent story that kept us laughing the entire time and utterly astonished at both of your cleverness. So we forgive you.

(Aaaagh. After writing this review we realize we have gotten into the habit of refering to ourselves in the plural, which is just creepy.)

Author's Response: OOooOOOooOOO. We should have a RUN AROUND IN EXTREMELY TASTEFUL CLOAKS AND MENACE HP CHARACTERS PARTY. It\'s okay if you refer yourself as plural, because if I\'m not mistaken, FinalCow is three people, right? (Correct me if I\'m wrong.) Hey, and if I\'m not mistaken, everyone on this site is a member of the secret evil society, eh? So you do get to menace Harry Potter characters just by writing fanfics.

Reviewer: FinalCow Signed
Date: 07/04/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only

FinalCow is two people, unless there's someone else we don't know about.

(which would explain more than it doesn't.)

Author's Response: Hahahaha... now THAT is a review worthy of a story this weird.

Albus Potter and the Flamel File by OHara

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: In 2017, the Wizarding World seems peaceful and safe. Voldemort is long dead and the Death Eaters wiped out or imprisoned.

Albus Potter is eleven and just beginning his first year at Hogwarts. With the help of his big extended family, he navigates the new and exciting world of magic.

But there are challenges on the horizon and the most dangerous is coming from a shadowy group that is hunting something called the Flamel File. . . .

Year One begins.
Reviewer: FinalCow Signed
Date: 04/20/09 Title: Chapter 1: The Sorting

This is a great first fic. You've a got a really smooth, readable writing style, and a nice set-up for your plot to take off. I look forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying the story and I think that Chapter 2, "First Day," should be up in two or three days! Please stay tuned!