Author banner by Emily (HorseLover), Knight of the Turnip Table.
Hello everyone, I'm an adult female student from India. I'm obsessed with fanfics, like everyone else here at MNFF.
Banner by ByMerlinsBeard a.k.a. Emily:
Surprise banner by Marauder by Midnight a.k.a. Beth:
In case you are a Sorted MNFF Beta Forum member and want to know more about my writings, click here to go to my Duelling Club thread.
In order to make my review more clear and not a potential candidate for the 'Odd Reviews' thread, I will elaborate further. The fic is quite interesting and well done, because well-written manistream slash fics themselves are really hard to find, and slash rarepairs even more so.
First of all, I felt the fic was believable. I've read lots of (non-explicit) slash fics and thought, "Huh?" because most writers prefer under-developed relationships. I felt the Sirius/Peter romance was a tiny bit abrupt, yet believable at the same time.
I also like the way you've given Peter a personality, unlike many Marauder era fics (though, I must admit, I have read very few MWPP fics). I like his intelligence and quick thinking; it's always good to see the positive qualities of a somewhat negative canon character.
Loved the references to Sirius/Lily and Sirius/James as well. As for the sex-scene ... well-written, and (thankfully) not excessively detailed.
I couldn't find any errors. It's great to read well BETA'd fics! Well done, VV!
Author's Response: Ah, the \"Odd Reviews\" thread. I\'ve had too many to pick one. Thanks for reviewing and enjoying! I\'m glad you found the relationship and Peter were plausible. Peter is hard to write, which is why I have to try it now and again. Despite that, I\'m still waiting for Minerva to catch the rat.
Follow Barty as he takes his steps through the Quidditch World Cup in GoF. What parts of the story did you miss while reading from Harry's point of view? This is the side of the story that you really care about.
A very intriguing one-shot. A "missing moment" kind of fic. Normally, I'm not very keen on fics told from Death Eaters' point of view, but that's just me, and this fic is definitely an exception. The portrayal of Bary Crouch Jr. and Winky was quite accurate. It wasn't very believable at times to think that Harry didn't have an eye for detail not to notice what Winky was glancing at, or the fearful expression on her face. As for Crouch Jr.'s loyalty, I think you've shown it to us very clearly and well.
I felt that you didn't show enough about Winky; especially her fear of heights when the Muggles were being levitated. But that's only a minor flaw.
You've done a good job on projecting a near-accurate version of the Quidditch Cup/Dark Mark scenes from different points of view.
Author's Response: Actually, most of Winkey\'s actions (every nod, every wink, every shudder) were taken directly from the book, so if Harry didn\'t notice it there he wouldn\'t notice it here. But thank you for the kind review, and I\'m glad to hear your suggestions.
Extremely funny and original! This is one of the very few humour fics that doesn't have OOCness. Draco is in-character; even though he appears stupid and funny at the same time! Now, I don't fangirl Draco ...
I think Hermione's "description" was the funniest, followed by Ron's. Good job and thanks for the laughs!
Author's Response: Why, you couldn\'t be more welcome. Personally, I think this story is less OOC than some humour fics, but Snape\'s pushing it... I like to think it\'s worth it though. Thank you for reviewing!
First of all, I like the character!
Thomas is a very light-hearted boy and very believable. He's not a brave superhero kind of guy. I also like his sense of humour and the overall plot.
The funniest part was his enthusiasm while telling the story and his fondness for apples.
Even the plot is pretty good. It had me chuckling for a good time. It was a good mixture of suspense and humour.
I like the combination of violence and romance. I also love your ability of giving a whole personality to somewhat minor characters in the limited space of a one-shot.
I remember that this was the first ever Argus/Irma fic I'd read (and I couldn't review back then). I really enjoyed it; I can't think of any constructive criticism to give. Splendid job!
Author's Response: Wow, thanks! This story, while more popular when it comes to the amount of hits, has gotten barely any reviews. I don\'t know if that has anything to do with me loving my other stories better than this one or not. Don\'t get me wrong--I love every fanfic (and original story) I write. But I\'m glad you really enjoyed this fic. And thank you for taking time to review, because like no one else has :)
The twist was pretty amusing. I don't think it was beastiality, because Crookshanks didn't know that the other cat was McGonagall. I felt that it was rejected elsewhere because of a technicality.
At first, I thought it was Crookshanks/Mrs Norris. When I reached the part where the cat transformed, my jaw dropped. I was chuckling a few moments later! I'm quite sure that this is the only fic of its kind!
Author's Response: I\'m so glad that I surprised you. Most people were surprised, though one person said it was predictable but fun anyway. I am quite proud of the twist at the end. And HPFF rejected this story because they\'re super-strict. And they\'re also very mean in their rejections--they suspended me simply for submitting a graphic story, and the most recent time they left a note that I found quite offensive. So I love Mugglenet ever so much more than them.
Great poem, even though it's a parody. The line referring to Professor Binns made me chuckle.
Since this parody is canon-compliant, the "Meet Dumbledore," line seems out of place. If I might make a suggestion, you could change it to "Meet McGonagall".
Overall, a good adaptation!
Author's Response: Thank you for your review! It is a rather silly poem. The \"Meet Dumbledore\" line goes with \"The Movie Star\" line in the Gilligan\'s island song. Just a little tip. :)
Author's Response: Please disregard my last response. It is rather stupid sounding, if I may so criticize myself. Perhaps you will allow me to indulge in keeping the \"Meet Dumbledore\" line to appease my deepest wish that he were still with us!
I like your portrayal of Ginny a lot, Kal! It's rare to see such profound character development in a single chapter. Good job!
If you don't mind my suggestion, I think the fic deserves a higher rating (3rd-5th years) because of this reference: Only You-Know-Who could have carried it through without feeling a single ounce of remorse; only You-Know-Who was capable of manifesting her loneliness into isolation and forcing her to slash open her own skin and graffiti threats on the school walls.
I hope you'll understand. That's a mention of self-injury, which is not entirely canon. Ginny wrote threats on the wall with red paint (CoS).
(That was constructive criticism.)
Apart from that, great characterisation! *applause*
Author's Response: Oooh an attentive reader!! Thank you very much for your suggestion [and from now on, I shall keep in mind that actually having a copy of the book you\'re writing from comes in handy]. Thanks for the concrit and the compliments! I appreciate it very much!
Depressing, yet beautifully written. This fic proves, yet again, that Dark/Angsty fics can be a favourite genre for some (my favourite genres are humour and D/A fics).
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Yes, this fic really is depressing. ^_^ Thanks for the compliment, too. Cheers!
Wow! Lian, this is a really powerful story!
Even though this is a SPEW review, I fear it will not be very long. In any case ... *hugs SPEW buddy and starts with the review*
First, I like the way you start the story with a bang, and finish the little scene with an abrupt character death. That kind of fast-paced action is bound to keep a reader on tenterhooks.
Next, I really love Hermione's characterisation. Apart from the action, that seemed to be the strongest point of the story. You've done a great job in showing her compassionate and emotional side, along with telling about the stark constrast of her reaction when Colin dies. Her feelings of tolerance for Lavender are really powerful, despite the fact that they were not friends at all. Then again, as Hermione says, they weren't enemies either.
Lastly, the repetition. Normally, it bothers me, but in this case, I feel all the "Lavender Grey"s were very apt and moving. However, I didn't understand why the title of the fic is Grey Lavender and not Lavender Grey. Could you please elaborate on that aspect?
Overall, excellent and poignant story. I feel it can be moved to the Dark/Angsty category, even though it fits well in the General one.
Author's Response: When I wrote this story I honestly wasn\'t sure if it belonged in dark or in general. It works in either, I think. I\'m not very good at writing action scenes, so I\'m glad the opening worked for you.
This fiction is really good and well-planned. I was hoping for a more personal interaction between Harry and Dumbledore. You're kind of right, it's almost as though he never died, but the portrait makes it obvious. Nevertheless, I was grinning as I read that part. Good job! :)
A chapter filled with suspense. I like it. :D
Oh dear, the trio are in big trouble. The old toad-woman uses Dark curses (again!) ... Imperiused Percy's got a suspect Horcrux ... bad signs. *gulp*
Author's Response: I\'m delighted you enjoyed it. Chapter 3 is already in the works, so you won\'t have to hold your breath too long. Many thanks for adding my story to your favorites!
A very moving story!
From this review on, I will stop leaving one-liners forever. I typed a long review, but the server logged me out all of a sudden! *grumbles*
First, the praise. This story is one of the most realistic, profound and moving portrayals of Lily Evans that I've ever read. Lily was very in-character, with the right amount of bravery and apprehension. Your descriptions are pretty good, and that's what drew me in to read the story.
Now for the conc.crit. I found a sentence to be a bit too repititive with many "'wouldn't"'s: Her feet wouldn't move, her brain wouldn't think, her mouth wouldn't scream.
The snogging scene seemed slightly out of place because the story leans towards the D/A category. I don't have a problem with D/A leaning fics, considering that most stories I write are of that kind.
Overall, a very good missing moment fic!
Author's Response: Thank you so much Mini! I haven\'t been so surprised as I was this morning. I know what you mean with that review. I had typed up a long, SPEW review that took me an hour but it logged me off as well. Thank you for the concrit. Yes, the snogging scene is a bit out of place -- I realized that too late. The \'wouldn\'t\'s in that sentence were done purposely but I could have eased up on them. *huggles* Thank you so much, dear. =)
Wow, this fic is excellent! I couldn't even control my giggling! Funny how the characters can turn "serious" in the first part of their letters, and hilarious in the next! (lol)
I can hardly wait to read more of your humour fics.
Author's Response: Wow-you made my day! I\'ll try and work on some more humor ones but the ones I\'ve been coming up with lately have been either sappy-shippy or dark angsty. Thanks much! -Daisy
Hmmm, Interesting. A "Harry has a sister" fiction, eh?
The Pensieve is functioning a little bit differently in this case, don't you think? More like a recorded message. Personally, I think you could have invented a different sort of magic for this purpose and made Albus use that. Something like a Star Wars style (magical) communication device or something?
I like your fiction a lot. This is just a suggestion to improve on. :D
*moves to read the rest of the story*
Author's Response: Thanks for the suggestion!!! I just didn\'t want to invent one more thing, to me it leaves too much room for contridicion with canon. (psst.... Star Wars rocks)
Very well written, and very engrossing (even though I knew what was going to happen in the end).
Good fic, Maia! I love your characterisation of Fudge; his long rant was an entertaining read.
This story evoked mixed feelings within me: I was chuckling and sympathising with him at the same time. All the same, he deserved the humiliation.
The pretty little witch in the reception area had even started returning my flirts lately! But of course she won’t want me now.
*snorts* A witch returning Fudge's flirts!? She must've been a clever woman. ;)
Undoubtedly, that was the funniest line in the story.
However, I do have some suggestions and nit-picks ...
In a couple of places, you've typed 'Weasley' as 'Weasly'. Also, 'Muggle' is always capitalised in canon.
What did he have to be so right for?
Just a little Brit-pick here: folks from Britain are unlikely to use the underlined word in that context. Even though my Brit-picking skills aren't that good (I've never been to the UK), I'm quite sure that the quote sounds like an Americanism.
Overall, Maia, this was really good mixture of angst and humour. I liked the way Fudge blamed everyone else, but finally accepted that it was his mistake.
P.S.: Can you kindly review my stories? [/begging]
Author's Response: Thank you for yet another wonderful review!
I\'m glad you enjoyed it; I did enjoy writing a character that very few people think about. He\'s not really the most popular... All the same, I think he showed some redeeming features in The Other Minister, and I actually like him better than Scrimgeour.
I know I misspelled Weasley in a few places. When I wrote this short I was rather uncertain and kept mixing them.
As for the Brit-picking, seeing as I\'m neither one nor the other, American and British expressions do confuse me once in a while, but I don\'t think that using \"so\" in that place is a horrible Americanism. Then again, that might just be me.
Again, I\'m very glad you liked it, and if i managed to make you feel anything at all for the shallow Fudge, that makes my day!
P.S.: I\'ll see what I can do, but I\'m short on time these days. Not enough time to read fanfiction... :( I will eventually, anyway!
Is that Remus speaking to Harry?
Author's Response: Thanks! And yes, it is. Glad you picked that out.
A poignant, beautiful and powerful one-shot, Rachel!
Rain was pouring onto the rooftop; the only sound that could be heard through the empty house. It would have been eerie, almost, had this not been the atmosphere presented to her each day. Possibly it may have seemed frightening to someone else. But this was the life that she knew, for now.
These sentences from the second paragraph are striking. I love the way you blend the descriptions with Ginny's dark emotions; it drew me in and made me feel sorry for her.
That scene in which Harry proposes to her is somewhat angsty; very different from most fluffy (and a tad boring, perhaps) fics. Harry was very in-character; I love the way in which he genuinely cared for Ginny and still loved her. While I felt that Ginny would be more relaxed, casual and happy in such a situation, that didn't prevent me from enjoying the scene.
I do have a small bit of advice, though. I think it'll be easier for the reader to differentiate between the past and the present if you could put the proposal scene in italics or put a horizontal line (you can use the < hr > tag without the spaces) at the beginning and end of the flashback.
Coming back to the praise, I like your personal way of informing the reader about the death. Hermione sobbing at Ginny's door before telling her about Harry is definitely much more powerful than Ginny receiving a letter from Ron or Hermione. That would make the scene somewhat ... impersonal.
I've never read a romance fic with such darkness (it's great, really). Good job with the creepy descriptions of the rain and the cold overtones.
But for now, all she could do was let the rain fall.
I've read many fics that use the last line as the title of the story. In your case, I feel it is fitting. As for this sentence itself ... simply powerful. Even though I wish the story could've been a little longer, I can't wait to read more one-shots written by you!
Author's Response: MINI!!!!!!! *SPEWtwinhugglesquee* I cannot thank you enough for this wonderful review! Now I know why you got accepted to SPEW! Anyway, yes, I\'ve gotten the concrit that I should separate the flashbacks from the present, so I suppose that I should take it into account one of these days. ;) Thanks for pointing that out; I\'ll try to see where that would work with the story. And thanks for all of your brilliant comments; this really made my day! ♥
1983. In a world where Voldemort has won the First War, where hope has fled from an Earth moaning under the Dark Lord's iron hand, marriages are broken and others are arranged in order to preserve the sacred purity of blood. James Potter loses his wife; now they have to find another for him.
Wow! Even though it was a long gap between two chapters, this one is amazing! For a non-native speaker of English, your usage is excellent. I particularly enjoyed the exquisite descriptions, and I shall quote the most outstanding one in this chapter:
Someone had lit the torches of the north corridor; the usually bare walls were alive with dancing shadows, cast there by the flickering flames that attempted, without much success, to give some cheerfulness to the white and bare loneliness of the corridor. I was soon in sight of the double door that led to the small office, and upon catching a high-pitched voice filtering through this door, I slowed down and paused to listen.
The interactions between Marie and James are very well written. Even though the fog of suspicion and enmity is still thick between them, it's good to know that they're behaving civilly towards each other - or rather, as polite as the circumstances allow.
I like the allusions you've made to the chilling contrast between Gryffindor and Slytherin's house colours. It's pretty obvious why Voldemort hates the red and gold combination ...
And there's a lot to be said about Pomy and Lali. They are complete polar opposites, judging from Pomy's hostile and uncaring nature towards Marie and Lali's unswerving obedience. I'm sure we'll get to see different sides of their personalities; they're showing signs of morphing into well-developed characters like Marie herself. Well, I'm hoping that Lali's plan against Pomy succeeds, whatever it is. I'm eagerly looking forward to the next installment, no matter when it gets into the queue. Good luck!