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Reviews by BlackClaude
 

The Head-in-Sand Parade by Mind_Over_Matter
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: "In books, you see it, in war and in crusade,
Just to protect our calm, we hold: the Head-in-Sand Parade."


This came third in the December Poetry challenge! *Dance*.

It isn't exactly a 'warning', but this poem does carry some political undertones.


Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 576 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/11/06 Updated: 12/12/06


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 08/26/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Head-in-Sand Parade

Wow, this is really an amazing poem! I have to congratulate you on working with such a difficult rhyme scheme. It must have been an incredible challenge to work inside of it without making the words feel forced. There were a few spots where I thought the meter got off, but it was hard to tell because the meter is complex too. The one that stood out to me was "Just to protect our calm, we hold: the Head-in-Sand Parade," which seemed a little long. Not terribly, but just enough to throw me off briefly.

There are so many good lines in this poem, but I think the last stanza is the best. It's such a vivid picture of the leaders withdrawing their heads, seeing the remnants of the war they denied and avoided. It's a really powerful image, for HP and the real world. Great job, you should be really proud!

Author's Response: Thank you so much; this is an awfully flattering review indeed. ^^\r\nI am, actually - proud, that is. Mostly because poetry and I have always gotten along like England and France.\r\nSome of the lines are, I agree, oddly long, but that\'s mostly just because of the pattern from the original poem. \'Tis tricky to stick to it without making everything awkward.\r\nAnyway - thank you again.

 

Wolves of Gomorrah by Lycanthropist
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 5]

Summary: When Greyback had first established the Underground, he had not anticipated the place to become so primitive and instinctual. He understood the wolves’ needs to fulfill their bodily functions and drives, but his need to infect was stronger.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Sexual Situations, Violence

Word count: 1054 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/07/07 Updated: 01/07/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 08/26/07 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot


Wow, this story is wonderfully dark! I thought the creepiest and most menacing thing about it was Greyback's absolute and effortless power. The way he was completely unconcerned by Lupin's presence and that he merely found his attempts to win the pack over annoyingly pathetic... it gave me this hollow feeling knowing that Lupin was certainly doomed in his mission. And then the scene in the lake was just plain disturbing. The image of the bathing women and the watchers in the dark, the horrible old werewolf overseeing, and then poor Lupin, so nervous and uncomfortable in his surroundings. You created a great sense of unease, but I liked how it ended with Lupin relaxing at the woman's physical touch and her clearly "wish[ing] to mate with him." The phrase is so baldly animalistic, it shows that the only way Lupin is going to make it there is to give in to becoming animal himself. It made it all the more creepy seeing it through Greyback's twisted mind. His own sadistic thoughts are disturbing enough, seeing his pleasure at destroying that woman, but what really clinched it was the casual "and he hoped that the werewolves he raised would one day feel the same." His power and influence over them is so absolute, that this wish for them to follow in his footsteps is frighteningly likely. Dark and twisted; I love it! There were a few grammar typos, such as "these werewolves['] already made-up minds" and "he [would] much rather be pleasing himself." And I agree with Maeve; there's something slightly off about "those neutral and opposite." I think "opposed to" would work better there. But overall, the sentences flowed beautifully and the ideas were well expressed. Great piece!

 

The Ballad of the Bandon Banshee by Gmariam
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 10]

Summary: Though Gilderoy claimed credit for the Banshee’s final wail,
It was a witch who cast the curse, and here now is her tale.

This ballad was written by Gmariam of Ravenclaw for the January Ballad Challenge and received third place.


Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 519 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/16/07 Updated: 01/16/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 01/17/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Ballad of the Bandon Banshee

What a great ballad! It has a strong plot, good rhyme and meter, and I love how the first stanza introduces the subject like a real folk song. Nicely done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I really appreciate you stopping by to read this ballad - this is the one I mentioned in Poetry Everyone. This is the fourth ballad I\'ve written since the new year, I think I\'m just about balladeered out. ;) I\'m really glad you liked it, thank you so much for the compliments on the rhyme and rhythm! See you around the forums! ~Gina ;)

 

The Beginning by LuthAn
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: We don't know anything about Harry's ancestors, but this poem paints one picture of what could have happened. Journey back to one fateful night on a cold moor in Scotland, not too far from Hogwarts...



This ballad was written for the January Ballad Challenge and received first place!

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1101 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/04/07 Updated: 02/07/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 02/20/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Oh wow, that was wonderful! The rhythm flowed musically, the story was touching and well-written, and I loved the introduction stanzas. And I can't imagine how much work it must have been to make it so long, too! Congratulations on the win; you did a great job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the compliments! It was really fun to write, although some stanzas nearly killed me. :) And congratulations to you, too!!

 

The Voice Calls by Ron x Hermione
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Salazar Slytherin and the rest of the founders are in a dilemma, and a fight. Salazar only wants pure-bloods in the school, but Godric, Rowena, and Helga won’t stand for it.

Salazar heads to his own dormitory, furious, and finally falls asleep against the chatter ringing in his head.

A Voice wakes him.

I am Ron x Hermione of Hufflepuff, and this was originally written for the New Year’s Challenge, prompt, Dreams.

Categories: Historical Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1397 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/19/07 Updated: 02/20/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 02/24/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Voice

This is an interesting twist on the founders' story! It makes me wonder who or what the mysterious voice is, and also what its motivation is. It tells Salazar that he needs to accept that Muggleborns must be taught, but then it also tells him that he needs to go back and tell the other founders that he won't take no for an answer. I wondered if it was Salazar's own conscience, but the part about "hundreds of years from now" indicates that it knows the future. Hmmm, maybe it's Dumbledore's ghost? :)

Salazar and I are just having a bit of a disagreement like we always do,” Godric said. I think this says a lot about their friendship. The Sorting Hat told us that they were great friends, and I think you've shown how they can be, despite their differences. I also like that the other three wouldn't kick Salazar out over the argument, that it was up to him to be the one to leave; it shows their loyalty.

I found just a couple punctuation problems. A woman shrieked. “How dare you speak that way!” should be A woman shrieked, “How dare you speak that way!” and But then he thought, I’m not hungry,. has that extra comma at the end. Also, in this sentence, She had on a blue, flowing dress that resembled someone in olden times, that description is anachronistic. Since we're supposed to already feel like we're "in" that time period while we read the story, her dress wouldn't be of olden times, it would be modern. Maybe you could try looking up some dresses of that time and describing what it looks like instead.

Another part that didn't feel right to me was this: He only wanted the pure-bloods at his school, of course, but he didn’t know why. He figured that it had something to do with his own father always telling him, “Mudbloods are scum- they’re worthless, son. You need to have nothing to do with them, do you hear? It's good to show that Salazar is conflicted, but it doesn't make sense for him to say he didn't know why when you follow with such a very clear reason!

You've got a good premise here and a catchy character with the Voice, but I'd think there's room for expansion. I'd like to see a little more of Slytherin's conflict about Muggleborns. You could do a lot with his history and his father, and it would add more depth to his character. Good luck in your writings!

Author's Response: WOW! Thank you SO much for your review BlackClaude! Since this is actually for a contest, I\'m going to go back through it and change what you\'ve suggested. I hadn\'t even caught those mistakes, and neither had my beta. Thanks so much! The dress... I saw another thread started about olden times and their modern clothing, and I guess that I just ended up writing it from actually MY perspective looking in on Godric and the other three founders. Thanks for that catch, though. Thank you so much for your review! I\'m going back and doing those changes, now. ~Lindsey :)

 

Candles Burn by lily_evans34
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 11]

Summary: Hermione had never listened to the darkness. But now, it's all she can hear.

Written for Project SPEW 007. My prompt was "seven".

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Suicide

Word count: 1248 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/10/07 Updated: 03/10/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 08/26/07 Title: Chapter 1: Candles Burn

I'm almost too depressed now to review, but I'll do my best. That was incredibly emotional; the first time I read through I was mostly trying to figure out who it was, but the second time I was really able to get into Hermione's mind. The hurt and despair rang so true, and it was all so beautifully written and captivating. I'm afraid I still wasn't quite convinced that Hermione would ever be tempted by the dark side, but I found this quite in character: "She doesn’t want to be any different. But she knows, in the back of her mind, that she is weak." Hermione is always so hard on herself, and she's never felt that she's good enough, no matter what she accomplishes. So it makes sense that even if she didn't really want to go to the dark side, that she would be so horrified by her own perceived temptations that she would feel more tempted than she actually was. But then again, I have the distinct impression I might just be talking crazy. :) In any case, whether or not Hermione would actually go dark, her despair that leads to her suicide is vivid and heartbreaking. All of her powerful emotions are quite believable; I would just suggest adding a bit more analysis and reason to make it more Hermioney. As it is, it could be anyone's story from the war. Of course, she's kind of beyond the point of logic being this far gone, but maybe a memory of her past thought processes and her feeling removed from them now would help solidify her character. Other than that, I can't think of anything else to suggest because this piece is so lovely and well-rounded. Beautiful work!

Author's Response: Thank you so incredibly much for this detailed review, BC! *huggles*

*nods* I totally agree with you about Hermione being not so... Hermioneish, but you\'re absolutely right when you said: \"As it is, it could be anyone\'s story from the war.\" That\'s what I was going for when I was writing this. Characterization\'s always a weak spot for me when I\'m writing, so I pretty much figured this could be anyone\'s story. I just made it Hermione because she was my SPEW 007 character. *shifty eyes* Your analysis was really accurate - that\'s exactly what I was going for! *huggles* Thanks again!

 

His Reflection Lost by wendelin the wierd
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: At a time, when the world is an uncertain thing, one man realises who he truly is.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1044 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/11/07 Updated: 03/17/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 04/17/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Wow, this is so dark and beautifully written! I'm really impressed by your portrayal of Voldemort's fall. There are very surreal lines, combined with pointed ones, to get the meaning across. insanity is for the people whose eyes are barely slits of a fiery red. Insanity is not for him. I like how in the beginning he questions himself, but doesn't really believe for a moment that he's insane. And then this part was my absolute favorite: When one man realises who he really is, not who he wants to be but who he is, it is at that point the world stops. Then it turns around, no more than a stage for the man to live his life as a fallacy and any moment he expects someone to say that it is up, he can stop acting now. Wow... that line is simply brilliant, especially in the context of Voldemort's story. And the eyes, of course, are a perfect and true-to-canon way to symbolize his madness.

As for concrit, I would suggest capitalizing "may" here: when may blossoms float in the air. Also, I'ma bit confused on this part: he realizes that he is standing on the very brink of insanity and behind him is a safe world, a grey, boring world yet a safe one and ahead of him is an abyss where every shout and scream is lost in a flutter of the wind, faded away into the dull normalcy and monotony of the shadows. I'm not understanding how the abyss opposes the safe world, since even in the abyss of madness, there is dull normalcy and monotony. Is that to suggest that everything is dull to him, that it's hard to distinguish the madness from normal life? Or am I just not getting it? :)

Congrats on a lovely, poetic fic. You, my girl, do darkness well!

Author's Response: Oh yes, you got it alright. It did suggest that everything is dull to him and light and darkness makes absolutely no difference. Thank you for the review!

 

Envy by GryffindorGoddess
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: Of the seven deadliest sins, Ron suffers greatest from envy.



Winner of the Character Petrarchan Sonnet Challenge!



Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 105 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/27/07 Updated: 03/28/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 04/06/07 Title: Chapter 1: Envy

Congratulations! This sonnet is really amazing; it works perfectly in every way. You know, no matter how sestets I read, I could never really "feel" the rhyme in them, but in yours, I read it and I thought, "Wow, that rhymes!" I think it's because your meter is perfect and the rhyming words are very distinct, so the rhyme really came through. Well done! :) You've also got the subject down perfectly; the octet and sestet contrast each other and the language used in both is so expressive of Ron's emotions. I'd give my favorite line, but it all works together so well as one fluid poem that I can't really separate them. There's only one word that I would change, but it's purely for grammatical reasons. "But temper and his anger does subside;" Since we're talking about both temper and anger, that's plural, so it should be "do" instead of "does." (But luckily that doesn't change the rhyme or meter!) Oh, and I loved you're ending it with Fin; that was awesome. :) Congrats on a well-deserved win!

Author's Response: THANK YOU, BC! I\'m so ecstatic to hear you like the poem and your wonderful compliments made me smile from ear to ear! I also highlyl appreciate your suggestion, because you\'re totally right! I changed it already and thanks so much! I just love Ron to death so this topic was easy for me, but I admit the rhyming and meter were quite a challenge. Thanks again! ~GG

 

A Man Among Wolves by FenrirG
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 11]

Summary: Remus Lupin is willing to do anything for the Order of the Phoenix--even if it means joining the werewolf colonies. But when confonted by a suspicious Fenrir Greyback, Remus must control his inner demons in order to remain under cover.


The characters in this story belong to none other than JK Rowling.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2758 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/14/07 Updated: 04/17/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 04/18/07 Title: Chapter 1: A Man Among Wolves

This one-shot is absolutely brilliant! I think its strength is in the vividness of the details; the strongest images for me were of Remus crouching in wait while re-illusioning, being pinned by Fenrir and licking his snout, the squalor of the shantytown, the crowd trapping him and pushing him forward... Pretty much everything, really. :) The whole story is gripping in its fear and darkness. I thought Remus's character was particularly well done; his emotions were raw, and not all of them were ideal. Sometimes his character can become a bit too perfect, but in this story, he showed weakness and anger and self-pity, while still ending in an amazing blaze of bravery. And oh, that ending! I can honestly say it's one of the best I've read. It's just... *sigh* I'm so glad you decided to go the dark route. :) Upon multiple readings, I think I've decided that I'd like to see a bit more expansion on his transformation, but that's not really fair of me to say now since I didn't think of it while betaing... so it's not that crucial, just a thought. Other than that, I really have no concrit. This is inspired work; well done!

Author's Response: *squishes beta* Thank you so much for your sweet review, and your wonderful help on the story! I\'m so glad you think my imagery was up to par, and that you liked the ending. XD Thank you muchisimos!

*hugs* ~Fenn

 

Sweet Anger by Kerichi
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 37]

Summary:

When Snape catches her in a compromising position and revokes Hogsmeade privileges, Tonks sees red. She plans payback and discovers that while revenge is supposedly a dish best served cold, it tastes even better hot.


*Not the usual 'Don't Stand so Close to Me' variety romance.*





Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Student/Teacher Romance

Word count: 4398 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/16/07 Updated: 04/16/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 06/24/07 Title: Chapter 1: Sweet Anger

Wow, this is an amazing fic! The Celtic mythology was a lovely way to bring Snape and Tonks together, painting them as the older, darker god and younger, vibrant sprite. It made their attraction all the more natural and believable. Also, I really love Tonks' character development; you gave her a lot of depth in a relatively short space. We see her insecurities that let her be mistreaten by Evan, but also her easy friendship with Charlie. She's intimidated by Snape as an authority figure, but she's spirited enough to have vowed not to be. And she's brave to attempt her creative revenge on him, but not quite so brave as to feel confident going through with it. All in all, it's a great mix of character traits that makes her feel like a real person. (I've never really cared that much about her as a character before, so this has opened my eyes to her potential.) :) I would have liked to have seen more development of Snape, but of course this is from Tonks' POV so there wasn't much more you could have done. And the line at the end about Snape's choice of literature was fantastic; the bumbling fool and the clever wizard who saves the day but never gets the girl... again, so much said in a short space. Nicely done! And as for the romance itself... whew! "You will, Nymphadora" is about the sexiest way you could have ended that. Congrats on a great fic!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! ^_^ If you ever get the urge to read more Tonks, I\'ve got an entire R/T series that shows her vulnerabilities as well as her strengths, starting with Once in a Blue Moon.More Than a Feeling that proves he can be clever, snarky, and ambitious and still get the girl. :D Whatever you do or don\'t feel like reading, I can\'t thank you enough for choosing to read this story...and I hope you\'ll read the follow up in Snape\'s pov Too Much is Never Enough! ^_~

Author's Response: D\'oh! Part of my reply got splinched! I meant to say if you want to read about Snape\'s character developing, I\'ve got a story, More Than a Feeling, lol.

 

Vacillation and Volition by Fantasium
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 69]

Summary: When you refuse to make choices, life has a tendency to make them for you.

Being the illegitimate son of a particularly noticeable wizard, Lucas Malory has spent all of his life practicing the art of inconspicuousness. But when the brutal waves of war break upon the world, every man must make a stand for what he believes in. Lucas, determined to keep his distance and only mind his own business, suddenly finds his options banging impatiently on the door. When indifference is no longer an option, how will he decide where his loyalties lie?

A/N: This story was plotted out before the release of the 7th book, but as I continue writing after having read it, chapters may be inspired by/include spoilers from Deathly Hallows.


Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded

Word count: 39288 Chapters: 10 Completed: No
Published:
04/18/07 Updated: 05/10/09


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 05/04/07 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue – Part One

Wow, this is absolutely amazing! I hadn't read your work before, but I will certainly be reading every one of them from now on. :) You have a great descriptive style; your imagery is vivid and detailed, but it doesn't drag at all. The whole chapter has a very smooth, easy flow to it, as you say a lot with a little. I particularly liked He turned his head slightly to the right and looked up at his father who was standing one step above him. That was a nice, subtle way to show the relationship between father and son, especially with the line further down about Lucius's childish pleasure. I also loved He carefully avoided the ballroom, not knowing yet if Narcissa Black shared his opinion on relationships, or if she was inclined to agree with his father. Lovely, sly terms to put that into; I think that was my favourite line.

I was really impressed by the characterizations. I don’t read much about Slytherin characters, so they still have the “evil” stigma to me, but all your characters were well-rounded. Lucius had a nice mix of inferiority beside his father, with the implicit superiority of his standing and pride in his ball. Abraxas was appropriately cool and imposing, yet he still showed some fatherly pride and respect for his son. And Lydia was so kind and helpful in explaining the “correct” prejudices to Lucius.  The whole family felt very real; neither overtly villainous nor too sympathetic, which I thought was well done. And as for Grace… wow. Smoking hot without being at all cartoonish. I loved her casual dismissal of marriage and the way she seduced Lucius with perfect aplomb. Plus, She thanked him not with words, but with the sight of her lips touching the silver. That was simply delicious!

I tried really hard to find something to criticize so this wouldn’t just be a gush-fest, but all I found was but Abraxas has already stepped forth, in which the “has” should be “had,” and youngest of the Black sister, where “sister” should be plural. Plus, there were a few sentences where I thought a semicolon should go instead of a comma, but that could be stylistic. And that was really it, the rest is really flawless. Congrats on a wonderful beginning; I hope there’s a lot more!

Author's Response: :D

Thank you so much for this lovely review, BC! I’m really happy that you chose to review my new story (well, newly posted, it’s been sitting on my hard drive long enough), because I’ve been a bit hesitant whether I should even post more of it or not. But your review helped convince me that I should.

Also, thank you for picking up on those typo mistakes. I will go and see to them at once. As for the rest of your review… *blushes* Just… thank you! I submitted the first real chapter (as opposed to the two parts of the prologue) tonight, so hopefully it’ll be up soon and you can read it if you so wish. =)

 

A Road Of Broken Dreams by wendelin the wierd
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: Andromeda has always had the perfect Christmas. But what happens when Sirius tries to offer her something a bit different?





Written for S.P.E.W 007

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 902 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/19/07 Updated: 04/28/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 04/30/07 Title: Chapter 1: A Road Of Broken Dreams

Beautiful work! I absolutely love the interaction between Andromeda and Sirius. The sixth section is my favorite; just about every line made say, "wow, yes!" Especially She looks up at him, her face hard and her eyes sad. ‘No, Sirius, you are fighting a losing war.‘ That's just about Sirius's entire character right there! And then He nods at her slowly, not really understanding but nevertheless accepting. I think it's so true that Sirius could never understand, that he doesn't see how people can see the world differently than him, but he accepts her nonetheless. Andromeda is portrayed here as being such a sad, frightened, trapped person, so the contrast between them works very well.


The style of your writing is powerful; I like the episodic nature, and being able to see glimpses of the most significant moments between them. I also like the way you ended the first few sections with the "Sometimes she wishes for" lines. That was quite effective. :) It all flowed very well, very poetically.


I didn't find much to critique, except that I am usually a fan of more contractions in dialogue. In places like "I am glad she is" and "I am leaving," Sirius would most likely use "I'm" instead. So it really depends whether you want to make the dialogue match the formal style of the prose, or if you want to give it a more natural informality. Then, for "Why not Andromeda?" There should be a comma after the "not." But I also think that saying her name again is a bit repetitive at that point since he just said it twice before that. That was the only part that kinda jolted me out of the flow, when the rest went so smoothly.


If all love is exception making, Andromeda has made her greatest exception. Sigh... I just wanted to end on that because it's so lovely and encapsulates the fic so well. Very, very well done!

Author's Response: BC,\r\nYou know how much I love thee,\r\nYour reviews leave me all fuzzy,\r\nI\'ll even resort to writing lame poetry.\r\n\r\n;)\r\n\r\nI think a lot of readers don\'t much like the formal tone of the story so it might undergo a slight re-write during spring cleaning. Thank you for reviewing!\r\n\r\n

Author's Response: BC,\r\nYou know how much I love thee,\r\nYour reviews leave me all fuzzy,\r\nI\'ll even resort to writing lame poetry.\r\n\r\n;)\r\n\r\nI think a lot of readers don\'t much like the formal tone of the story so it might undergo a slight re-write during spring cleaning. Thank you for reviewing!\r\n\r\n

 

Summary: Late night conversations leave Lily Evans taking advice from the most unlikely of people.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1700 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/26/07 Updated: 05/26/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 06/04/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

Thank you for writing such a wonderful Sirius/Lily fic! I love the pairing and you've done them well. You didn't compromise either of their characters to bring them together, which is what makes it work so well. I particularly love how Sirius is really not all that dashing on the surface. You haven't made him into the Romeo who sweeps Lily off her feet; he's actually pestersome, he doesn't have any "lines," and Lily doesn't seem to think too much of his intellect. But still, despite that, his natural charm comes through clearly and the tension between them is palpable without having to be spelled out. (Not a small feat!)

I also love that the attraction between them is based on their opposite natures, which is portrayed well in the context of how they live their lives. Especially how it's Sirius's advice to live for the moment that makes her kiss him, even though he's the one who pulled back at first. So he almost seduced her indirectly, while she made the direct move. It's a nice contrast. :)

My only suggestion would be to draw out the end a little more. The actual kiss went by so quickly after the long build-up, it was almost blink-and-you'll-miss-it. I realize that the point of the story is more about Lily's changing philosophy on life and that the kiss by nature was a fleeting thing, but I'd still like to see just a bit more detail to back up the "passionate" description. ;)

Overall, great job with the characters and a fantastic fic!

Author's Response: BC! SQUEE! I really appreciate your fabulous review dear, and I\'m so glad you liked teh story. :D:D And yes, I completely agree with you about the kiss being too quick. I may have to go back and edit this in a little while. Thanks again! *hugglesquish*

 
Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 06/04/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

Thank you for writing such a wonderful Sirius/Lily fic! I love the pairing and you've done them well. You didn't compromise either of their characters to bring them together, which is what makes it work so well. I particularly love how Sirius is really not all that dashing on the surface. You haven't made him into the Romeo who sweeps Lily off her feet; he's actually pestersome, he doesn't have any "lines," and Lily doesn't seem to think too much of his intellect. But still, despite that, his natural charm comes through clearly and the tension between them is palpable without having to be spelled out. (Not a small feat!)

I also love that the attraction between them is based on their opposite natures, which is portrayed well in the context of how they live their lives. Especially how it's Sirius's advice to live for the moment that makes her kiss him, even though he's the one who pulled back at first. So he almost seduced her indirectly, while she made the direct move. It's a nice contrast. :)

My only suggestion would be to draw out the end a little more. The actual kiss went by so quickly after the long build-up, it was almost blink-and-you'll-miss-it. I realize that the point of the story is more about Lily's changing philosophy on life and that the kiss by nature was a fleeting thing, but I'd still like to see just a bit more detail to back up the "passionate" description. ;)

Overall, great job with the characters and a fantastic fic!

Author's Response: Hee!

 

Midnight by Everlasting
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 20]

Summary: It's midnight, and neither Remus nor Sirius can get the faintest bit of sleep. Everyone else in their dorm is sound asleep though, and the sky outside is beautiful. So what do they do on this perfect midnight? Slightly fluffy. One-shot. Slash SB/RL. My first real HP fanfic.

Categories: Remus/Sirius Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Slash

Word count: 1884 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/03/07 Updated: 07/12/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 10/28/07 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot.

Aww, this is really sweet. While the ending declarations aren't quite realistic for two teenaged, closeted boys, it works as a nice, fluffy romance. I liked the parts where they teased each other the best. "And I suppose the sky is quite seductive" was a good Remus line; I could picture him saying it in that wry way of his. And I loved "Eww. Dog breath," and the following barbs back and forth. I think that's the most realistic way that they would open up to each other, teasing the other about being gay and watching for the reaction. That's why the jump to telling each other how special they were reaches a bit, since they're still in that teasing phase. Just a few nitpicks: wristwatches can't beep in Hogwarts. :) Also, (that looked quite relevant to a journal) I don't think relevant is the word you want; I think "similar" would be closer in meaning. And It was nice to spend time with your best friend on a night like this To keep it in line with the rest of the paragraph, "your" should be "his." I liked this story a lot and look forward to more Remus/Sirius from you. Just watch how quickly they open up to each other, and I think you'll be great.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks! :] I\'m really grateful you took the time to help me out. I\'ll certainly make all the changes, they make sense, and haha I realized that the watches wouldn\'t beep in Hogwarts after I wrote this... but I mean, if they can have watches... Hm. Anyway, thanks again :D I hope you like my next R/S story too.

 

Derision by HermioneDancr
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: When had a pledge of universal honesty become a practice of universal derision? A look at Severus as a teacher, 1987.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 950 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/24/07 Updated: 07/24/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 08/25/07 Title: Chapter 1: Derision

I just put my hand over my mouth and made a sad little gaspy noise. So, so SWEET! And sad and touching, and amazingly prescient. :) Great job with Snape's character in such a short fic. I love his teaching philosophy, the fact that he's honestly trying to do them a service by being hard on them, but at the same time he can't control his disdain for them for not giving back enough. I particularly liked "It would almost have been impressive, had they any intention of producing such an astounding array of results." I'm not sure how much you meant that to be sarcastic, but I think that Snape really would have preferred them to take a chance and at least fail by trying rather than fail by cowering. It's true to his values of knowledge and bravery. In fact, that's what impressed me so much. Everything in the fic, all his conflicting emotions, made perfect sense for his character as we know it. But then when you added Lily to the end, they suddenly made sense in an entirely different way too. Brilliant layering there! If I had to concrit, which is hard to do, I'd say that some sentences were a little bit difficult to read. Your writing style tends toward longer, sometimes complicated sentences. I'm not sure that's really bad though, because the sentences are always worth the second read to figure them out. So... don't change it, I guess? :) I wouldn't want you to sacrifice well-crafted sentences for easier reading, but it does make it slightly less accessible. Just something to be aware of. But really, this fic was fantastic. Truly. No sugar-coating. I want you to write lots and lots of Snape fic because I really think you've got an insight into his character. (Must be your analytical minds.) ;)

 

Holey by wewillmissyou
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: There is more than one hole in George Weasley, other than the one of the side of his head. Ever since Fred died he'd been different, so his often neglected fiance Angelina suggests he adopts a child for two weeks to see how he would fare as a father. George does just that, and adopts Holley, who had also lost a twin. They both expected nothing of the experience, but soon learn truly what love is. And how to heal that hole in both their hearts.


Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Mental Disorders

Word count: 1505 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
10/25/07 Updated: 10/26/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 10/28/07 Title: Chapter 1: Earrie Coincidences

Interesting concept for a story! It's nice to see George taking on the role of a father, or at least trying it out. I think you wrote his state of mind well; his depression but also that bit of spirit that won't ever die. And I liked the way he talked to Holley, unphased by her insults. I did find this line off, though: She evoked a feeling of familiar ness inside of him. That was exactly what he would have said as a child. I don't think George would have been a rude child. He was mischievous, but he wouldn't have snapped at someone instead of saying "Thank you." (Also, by the way, "familiar ness" should be "familiarity." And while we're on grammar, "Ms. Wiggin's" should be "Ms. Wiggins," no apostrophe.) Holley is an interesting character too, and you'll want to be careful not to make her too cartoonish. Her personality does seem to jump around from being malicious to cheerful to wounded and back again, and while all those characteristics may be in her, they should probably be a bit more rounded to make her more realistic. Her farewell speech on the chair is a good example; in that moment she was mischievous, domineering, and a little rebellious without being overtly rude. I felt like that was the best glimpse you gave into her personality. This has the makings of a very interesting story. Good luck!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the long and constructive review! About Holley, I modeled her after a real life young kid, my sister. She is exactly like Holley is, and most of the jumping around was based on a RL kid. Also, there is another reason why she is like is but that could give away part of my story. Anyways, thank you so much for the review, I apperciate greatly. :)

 

The Long Hidden Secret of Apples by rev02a
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: A secret taught to Remus at a young age should have helped him trust Sirius for twelve years.

Categories: Remus/Sirius Genre: Warnings: Slash

Word count: 1505 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/24/08 Updated: 02/01/08


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 02/25/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Wow, I have tears in my eyes after reading this, and that doesn't happen often. This is beautiful, awe-inspiring, simply wonderful. At fifteen, James mastered the Animagus transformation and the talent of peeling an entire Granny Smith in one long coil of crisp, green. I love how those are put together, as that one long strip of peel seems almost as magical as the transformation. He’d grinned and said “Lupin” mischievously, and then kissed Remus right on the lips. That's so lovely; the picture of careless happiness. Something so familiar that held something more beautiful and unexpected than any had though possible. This is a beautiful line, too, and I love that it is the sentiment that the story is based on.

There were a couple parts where I felt like the story got away from me, though. The paragraph about buying apples in the market, and also when he visits his mother. (He bites back the bitterness that rises against him...) After a couple re-reads of some of the longer sentences, I got what you were going for, but it wasn't as clearly expressed as the rest of the story.

The ending is heartbreaking, but so beautiful too. Remus's realization that he should have known all along, and tying in the apple, is a lovely image. I like the use of the "Just a" lines too, but I might cut it to three to give them more impact. "Just an apple / Just a Death Eater / Just a traitor that no one could love." I think that would focus the symbolism more by cutting out the line that makes him sound ordinary as opposed to evil.

I'm really glad I stumbled upon this story; I keep reading it over and over because it's worded so beautifully. I'm going to rec it in the forum because I think more people ought to know it's here.


Author's Response: Thank you for an amazing rec and review. I LOVE constructive criticism and I really appreciate it. I finally got around to getting a beta... that\'s helped my ridiculously long sentence structure a lot.\r\n\r\nAnyway, I\'m glad you enjoyed this and thank you so much.

 

Beginning of the End by callmehermione
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 6]

Summary: Rowena Ravenclaw and Salazar Slytherin have a special connection that becomes more and more difficult to maintain as the politics of building their school tear them apart.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Sexual Situations

Word count: 1549 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/24/08 Updated: 02/24/08


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 02/24/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Oooh, nice, very nice! I like the dark and helpless place that Rowena is trapped in, how she can see the end coming but doesn't know how to stop it. You're able to show a lot about her in a few words, which is impressive. I particularly loved, "That wasn’t how it was supposed to work. They were supposed to be each other’s masterpiece." That line is so elegant and powerful. I also liked, "You're one part of me, and I therefore can’t let you grow too far from my heart?" However, the following mention of "brutal honesty" seemed wrong, since the truth she was thinking wasn't really brutal at all. Another word choice that felt off to me was "his words were temporarily harmless." I think "superficially" is more the meaning, unless I'm misreading the intent of the sentence. But the last two paragraphs were my favorites; they were everything I like about this story, sparsely worded but rich in meaning and emotion. Very well done!


Author's Response: The way this story has gone is quite amusing. I submitted it one minute, it was accepted the next, and I have a SPEW review on it the next! Brilliant, yes? Anyway, you\'re quite right about the use of \'brutal\' and that temporary is probably the wrong word - I meant to say that the words weren\'t harmless as he spoke them then, but had the potential to be. So I think \'superficial\' would work nicely there. Thank you so much for your thoughts!

 
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