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A Man Among Wolves by FenrirG
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 11]

Summary: Remus Lupin is willing to do anything for the Order of the Phoenix--even if it means joining the werewolf colonies. But when confonted by a suspicious Fenrir Greyback, Remus must control his inner demons in order to remain under cover.


The characters in this story belong to none other than JK Rowling.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2758 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/14/07 Updated: 04/17/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 04/18/07 Title: Chapter 1: A Man Among Wolves

This one-shot is absolutely brilliant! I think its strength is in the vividness of the details; the strongest images for me were of Remus crouching in wait while re-illusioning, being pinned by Fenrir and licking his snout, the squalor of the shantytown, the crowd trapping him and pushing him forward... Pretty much everything, really. :) The whole story is gripping in its fear and darkness. I thought Remus's character was particularly well done; his emotions were raw, and not all of them were ideal. Sometimes his character can become a bit too perfect, but in this story, he showed weakness and anger and self-pity, while still ending in an amazing blaze of bravery. And oh, that ending! I can honestly say it's one of the best I've read. It's just... *sigh* I'm so glad you decided to go the dark route. :) Upon multiple readings, I think I've decided that I'd like to see a bit more expansion on his transformation, but that's not really fair of me to say now since I didn't think of it while betaing... so it's not that crucial, just a thought. Other than that, I really have no concrit. This is inspired work; well done!

Author's Response: *squishes beta* Thank you so much for your sweet review, and your wonderful help on the story! I\'m so glad you think my imagery was up to par, and that you liked the ending. XD Thank you muchisimos!

*hugs* ~Fenn

 

Sweet Anger by Kerichi
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 37]

Summary:

When Snape catches her in a compromising position and revokes Hogsmeade privileges, Tonks sees red. She plans payback and discovers that while revenge is supposedly a dish best served cold, it tastes even better hot.


*Not the usual 'Don't Stand so Close to Me' variety romance.*





Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Student/Teacher Romance

Word count: 4398 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/16/07 Updated: 04/16/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 06/24/07 Title: Chapter 1: Sweet Anger

Wow, this is an amazing fic! The Celtic mythology was a lovely way to bring Snape and Tonks together, painting them as the older, darker god and younger, vibrant sprite. It made their attraction all the more natural and believable. Also, I really love Tonks' character development; you gave her a lot of depth in a relatively short space. We see her insecurities that let her be mistreaten by Evan, but also her easy friendship with Charlie. She's intimidated by Snape as an authority figure, but she's spirited enough to have vowed not to be. And she's brave to attempt her creative revenge on him, but not quite so brave as to feel confident going through with it. All in all, it's a great mix of character traits that makes her feel like a real person. (I've never really cared that much about her as a character before, so this has opened my eyes to her potential.) :) I would have liked to have seen more development of Snape, but of course this is from Tonks' POV so there wasn't much more you could have done. And the line at the end about Snape's choice of literature was fantastic; the bumbling fool and the clever wizard who saves the day but never gets the girl... again, so much said in a short space. Nicely done! And as for the romance itself... whew! "You will, Nymphadora" is about the sexiest way you could have ended that. Congrats on a great fic!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! ^_^ If you ever get the urge to read more Tonks, I\'ve got an entire R/T series that shows her vulnerabilities as well as her strengths, starting with Once in a Blue Moon.More Than a Feeling that proves he can be clever, snarky, and ambitious and still get the girl. :D Whatever you do or don\'t feel like reading, I can\'t thank you enough for choosing to read this story...and I hope you\'ll read the follow up in Snape\'s pov Too Much is Never Enough! ^_~

Author's Response: D\'oh! Part of my reply got splinched! I meant to say if you want to read about Snape\'s character developing, I\'ve got a story, More Than a Feeling, lol.

 

Vacillation and Volition by Fantasium
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 69]

Summary: When you refuse to make choices, life has a tendency to make them for you.

Being the illegitimate son of a particularly noticeable wizard, Lucas Malory has spent all of his life practicing the art of inconspicuousness. But when the brutal waves of war break upon the world, every man must make a stand for what he believes in. Lucas, determined to keep his distance and only mind his own business, suddenly finds his options banging impatiently on the door. When indifference is no longer an option, how will he decide where his loyalties lie?

A/N: This story was plotted out before the release of the 7th book, but as I continue writing after having read it, chapters may be inspired by/include spoilers from Deathly Hallows.


Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded

Word count: 39288 Chapters: 10 Completed: No
Published:
04/18/07 Updated: 05/10/09


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 05/04/07 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue – Part One

Wow, this is absolutely amazing! I hadn't read your work before, but I will certainly be reading every one of them from now on. :) You have a great descriptive style; your imagery is vivid and detailed, but it doesn't drag at all. The whole chapter has a very smooth, easy flow to it, as you say a lot with a little. I particularly liked He turned his head slightly to the right and looked up at his father who was standing one step above him. That was a nice, subtle way to show the relationship between father and son, especially with the line further down about Lucius's childish pleasure. I also loved He carefully avoided the ballroom, not knowing yet if Narcissa Black shared his opinion on relationships, or if she was inclined to agree with his father. Lovely, sly terms to put that into; I think that was my favourite line.

I was really impressed by the characterizations. I don’t read much about Slytherin characters, so they still have the “evil” stigma to me, but all your characters were well-rounded. Lucius had a nice mix of inferiority beside his father, with the implicit superiority of his standing and pride in his ball. Abraxas was appropriately cool and imposing, yet he still showed some fatherly pride and respect for his son. And Lydia was so kind and helpful in explaining the “correct” prejudices to Lucius.  The whole family felt very real; neither overtly villainous nor too sympathetic, which I thought was well done. And as for Grace… wow. Smoking hot without being at all cartoonish. I loved her casual dismissal of marriage and the way she seduced Lucius with perfect aplomb. Plus, She thanked him not with words, but with the sight of her lips touching the silver. That was simply delicious!

I tried really hard to find something to criticize so this wouldn’t just be a gush-fest, but all I found was but Abraxas has already stepped forth, in which the “has” should be “had,” and youngest of the Black sister, where “sister” should be plural. Plus, there were a few sentences where I thought a semicolon should go instead of a comma, but that could be stylistic. And that was really it, the rest is really flawless. Congrats on a wonderful beginning; I hope there’s a lot more!

Author's Response: :D

Thank you so much for this lovely review, BC! I’m really happy that you chose to review my new story (well, newly posted, it’s been sitting on my hard drive long enough), because I’ve been a bit hesitant whether I should even post more of it or not. But your review helped convince me that I should.

Also, thank you for picking up on those typo mistakes. I will go and see to them at once. As for the rest of your review… *blushes* Just… thank you! I submitted the first real chapter (as opposed to the two parts of the prologue) tonight, so hopefully it’ll be up soon and you can read it if you so wish. =)

 

A Road Of Broken Dreams by wendelin the wierd
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: Andromeda has always had the perfect Christmas. But what happens when Sirius tries to offer her something a bit different?





Written for S.P.E.W 007

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 902 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/19/07 Updated: 04/28/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 04/30/07 Title: Chapter 1: A Road Of Broken Dreams

Beautiful work! I absolutely love the interaction between Andromeda and Sirius. The sixth section is my favorite; just about every line made say, "wow, yes!" Especially She looks up at him, her face hard and her eyes sad. ‘No, Sirius, you are fighting a losing war.‘ That's just about Sirius's entire character right there! And then He nods at her slowly, not really understanding but nevertheless accepting. I think it's so true that Sirius could never understand, that he doesn't see how people can see the world differently than him, but he accepts her nonetheless. Andromeda is portrayed here as being such a sad, frightened, trapped person, so the contrast between them works very well.


The style of your writing is powerful; I like the episodic nature, and being able to see glimpses of the most significant moments between them. I also like the way you ended the first few sections with the "Sometimes she wishes for" lines. That was quite effective. :) It all flowed very well, very poetically.


I didn't find much to critique, except that I am usually a fan of more contractions in dialogue. In places like "I am glad she is" and "I am leaving," Sirius would most likely use "I'm" instead. So it really depends whether you want to make the dialogue match the formal style of the prose, or if you want to give it a more natural informality. Then, for "Why not Andromeda?" There should be a comma after the "not." But I also think that saying her name again is a bit repetitive at that point since he just said it twice before that. That was the only part that kinda jolted me out of the flow, when the rest went so smoothly.


If all love is exception making, Andromeda has made her greatest exception. Sigh... I just wanted to end on that because it's so lovely and encapsulates the fic so well. Very, very well done!

Author's Response: BC,\r\nYou know how much I love thee,\r\nYour reviews leave me all fuzzy,\r\nI\'ll even resort to writing lame poetry.\r\n\r\n;)\r\n\r\nI think a lot of readers don\'t much like the formal tone of the story so it might undergo a slight re-write during spring cleaning. Thank you for reviewing!\r\n\r\n

Author's Response: BC,\r\nYou know how much I love thee,\r\nYour reviews leave me all fuzzy,\r\nI\'ll even resort to writing lame poetry.\r\n\r\n;)\r\n\r\nI think a lot of readers don\'t much like the formal tone of the story so it might undergo a slight re-write during spring cleaning. Thank you for reviewing!\r\n\r\n

 

Summary: Late night conversations leave Lily Evans taking advice from the most unlikely of people.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1700 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/26/07 Updated: 05/26/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 06/04/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

Thank you for writing such a wonderful Sirius/Lily fic! I love the pairing and you've done them well. You didn't compromise either of their characters to bring them together, which is what makes it work so well. I particularly love how Sirius is really not all that dashing on the surface. You haven't made him into the Romeo who sweeps Lily off her feet; he's actually pestersome, he doesn't have any "lines," and Lily doesn't seem to think too much of his intellect. But still, despite that, his natural charm comes through clearly and the tension between them is palpable without having to be spelled out. (Not a small feat!)

I also love that the attraction between them is based on their opposite natures, which is portrayed well in the context of how they live their lives. Especially how it's Sirius's advice to live for the moment that makes her kiss him, even though he's the one who pulled back at first. So he almost seduced her indirectly, while she made the direct move. It's a nice contrast. :)

My only suggestion would be to draw out the end a little more. The actual kiss went by so quickly after the long build-up, it was almost blink-and-you'll-miss-it. I realize that the point of the story is more about Lily's changing philosophy on life and that the kiss by nature was a fleeting thing, but I'd still like to see just a bit more detail to back up the "passionate" description. ;)

Overall, great job with the characters and a fantastic fic!

Author's Response: BC! SQUEE! I really appreciate your fabulous review dear, and I\'m so glad you liked teh story. :D:D And yes, I completely agree with you about the kiss being too quick. I may have to go back and edit this in a little while. Thanks again! *hugglesquish*

 
Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 06/04/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Best Things Are Left Unwritten

Thank you for writing such a wonderful Sirius/Lily fic! I love the pairing and you've done them well. You didn't compromise either of their characters to bring them together, which is what makes it work so well. I particularly love how Sirius is really not all that dashing on the surface. You haven't made him into the Romeo who sweeps Lily off her feet; he's actually pestersome, he doesn't have any "lines," and Lily doesn't seem to think too much of his intellect. But still, despite that, his natural charm comes through clearly and the tension between them is palpable without having to be spelled out. (Not a small feat!)

I also love that the attraction between them is based on their opposite natures, which is portrayed well in the context of how they live their lives. Especially how it's Sirius's advice to live for the moment that makes her kiss him, even though he's the one who pulled back at first. So he almost seduced her indirectly, while she made the direct move. It's a nice contrast. :)

My only suggestion would be to draw out the end a little more. The actual kiss went by so quickly after the long build-up, it was almost blink-and-you'll-miss-it. I realize that the point of the story is more about Lily's changing philosophy on life and that the kiss by nature was a fleeting thing, but I'd still like to see just a bit more detail to back up the "passionate" description. ;)

Overall, great job with the characters and a fantastic fic!

Author's Response: Hee!

 

Midnight by Everlasting
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 20]

Summary: It's midnight, and neither Remus nor Sirius can get the faintest bit of sleep. Everyone else in their dorm is sound asleep though, and the sky outside is beautiful. So what do they do on this perfect midnight? Slightly fluffy. One-shot. Slash SB/RL. My first real HP fanfic.

Categories: Remus/Sirius Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Slash

Word count: 1884 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/03/07 Updated: 07/12/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 10/28/07 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot.

Aww, this is really sweet. While the ending declarations aren't quite realistic for two teenaged, closeted boys, it works as a nice, fluffy romance. I liked the parts where they teased each other the best. "And I suppose the sky is quite seductive" was a good Remus line; I could picture him saying it in that wry way of his. And I loved "Eww. Dog breath," and the following barbs back and forth. I think that's the most realistic way that they would open up to each other, teasing the other about being gay and watching for the reaction. That's why the jump to telling each other how special they were reaches a bit, since they're still in that teasing phase. Just a few nitpicks: wristwatches can't beep in Hogwarts. :) Also, (that looked quite relevant to a journal) I don't think relevant is the word you want; I think "similar" would be closer in meaning. And It was nice to spend time with your best friend on a night like this To keep it in line with the rest of the paragraph, "your" should be "his." I liked this story a lot and look forward to more Remus/Sirius from you. Just watch how quickly they open up to each other, and I think you'll be great.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks! :] I\'m really grateful you took the time to help me out. I\'ll certainly make all the changes, they make sense, and haha I realized that the watches wouldn\'t beep in Hogwarts after I wrote this... but I mean, if they can have watches... Hm. Anyway, thanks again :D I hope you like my next R/S story too.

 

Derision by HermioneDancr
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: When had a pledge of universal honesty become a practice of universal derision? A look at Severus as a teacher, 1987.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 950 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/24/07 Updated: 07/24/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 08/25/07 Title: Chapter 1: Derision

I just put my hand over my mouth and made a sad little gaspy noise. So, so SWEET! And sad and touching, and amazingly prescient. :) Great job with Snape's character in such a short fic. I love his teaching philosophy, the fact that he's honestly trying to do them a service by being hard on them, but at the same time he can't control his disdain for them for not giving back enough. I particularly liked "It would almost have been impressive, had they any intention of producing such an astounding array of results." I'm not sure how much you meant that to be sarcastic, but I think that Snape really would have preferred them to take a chance and at least fail by trying rather than fail by cowering. It's true to his values of knowledge and bravery. In fact, that's what impressed me so much. Everything in the fic, all his conflicting emotions, made perfect sense for his character as we know it. But then when you added Lily to the end, they suddenly made sense in an entirely different way too. Brilliant layering there! If I had to concrit, which is hard to do, I'd say that some sentences were a little bit difficult to read. Your writing style tends toward longer, sometimes complicated sentences. I'm not sure that's really bad though, because the sentences are always worth the second read to figure them out. So... don't change it, I guess? :) I wouldn't want you to sacrifice well-crafted sentences for easier reading, but it does make it slightly less accessible. Just something to be aware of. But really, this fic was fantastic. Truly. No sugar-coating. I want you to write lots and lots of Snape fic because I really think you've got an insight into his character. (Must be your analytical minds.) ;)

 

Holey by wewillmissyou
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: There is more than one hole in George Weasley, other than the one of the side of his head. Ever since Fred died he'd been different, so his often neglected fiance Angelina suggests he adopts a child for two weeks to see how he would fare as a father. George does just that, and adopts Holley, who had also lost a twin. They both expected nothing of the experience, but soon learn truly what love is. And how to heal that hole in both their hearts.


Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Mental Disorders

Word count: 1505 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
10/25/07 Updated: 10/26/07


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 10/28/07 Title: Chapter 1: Earrie Coincidences

Interesting concept for a story! It's nice to see George taking on the role of a father, or at least trying it out. I think you wrote his state of mind well; his depression but also that bit of spirit that won't ever die. And I liked the way he talked to Holley, unphased by her insults. I did find this line off, though: She evoked a feeling of familiar ness inside of him. That was exactly what he would have said as a child. I don't think George would have been a rude child. He was mischievous, but he wouldn't have snapped at someone instead of saying "Thank you." (Also, by the way, "familiar ness" should be "familiarity." And while we're on grammar, "Ms. Wiggin's" should be "Ms. Wiggins," no apostrophe.) Holley is an interesting character too, and you'll want to be careful not to make her too cartoonish. Her personality does seem to jump around from being malicious to cheerful to wounded and back again, and while all those characteristics may be in her, they should probably be a bit more rounded to make her more realistic. Her farewell speech on the chair is a good example; in that moment she was mischievous, domineering, and a little rebellious without being overtly rude. I felt like that was the best glimpse you gave into her personality. This has the makings of a very interesting story. Good luck!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the long and constructive review! About Holley, I modeled her after a real life young kid, my sister. She is exactly like Holley is, and most of the jumping around was based on a RL kid. Also, there is another reason why she is like is but that could give away part of my story. Anyways, thank you so much for the review, I apperciate greatly. :)

 

The Long Hidden Secret of Apples by rev02a
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: A secret taught to Remus at a young age should have helped him trust Sirius for twelve years.

Categories: Remus/Sirius Genre: Warnings: Slash

Word count: 1505 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/24/08 Updated: 02/01/08


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 02/25/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Wow, I have tears in my eyes after reading this, and that doesn't happen often. This is beautiful, awe-inspiring, simply wonderful. At fifteen, James mastered the Animagus transformation and the talent of peeling an entire Granny Smith in one long coil of crisp, green. I love how those are put together, as that one long strip of peel seems almost as magical as the transformation. He’d grinned and said “Lupin” mischievously, and then kissed Remus right on the lips. That's so lovely; the picture of careless happiness. Something so familiar that held something more beautiful and unexpected than any had though possible. This is a beautiful line, too, and I love that it is the sentiment that the story is based on.

There were a couple parts where I felt like the story got away from me, though. The paragraph about buying apples in the market, and also when he visits his mother. (He bites back the bitterness that rises against him...) After a couple re-reads of some of the longer sentences, I got what you were going for, but it wasn't as clearly expressed as the rest of the story.

The ending is heartbreaking, but so beautiful too. Remus's realization that he should have known all along, and tying in the apple, is a lovely image. I like the use of the "Just a" lines too, but I might cut it to three to give them more impact. "Just an apple / Just a Death Eater / Just a traitor that no one could love." I think that would focus the symbolism more by cutting out the line that makes him sound ordinary as opposed to evil.

I'm really glad I stumbled upon this story; I keep reading it over and over because it's worded so beautifully. I'm going to rec it in the forum because I think more people ought to know it's here.


Author's Response: Thank you for an amazing rec and review. I LOVE constructive criticism and I really appreciate it. I finally got around to getting a beta... that\'s helped my ridiculously long sentence structure a lot.\r\n\r\nAnyway, I\'m glad you enjoyed this and thank you so much.

 

Beginning of the End by callmehermione
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 6]

Summary: Rowena Ravenclaw and Salazar Slytherin have a special connection that becomes more and more difficult to maintain as the politics of building their school tear them apart.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Sexual Situations

Word count: 1549 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/24/08 Updated: 02/24/08


Reviewer: BlackClaude Signed
Date: 02/24/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Oooh, nice, very nice! I like the dark and helpless place that Rowena is trapped in, how she can see the end coming but doesn't know how to stop it. You're able to show a lot about her in a few words, which is impressive. I particularly loved, "That wasn’t how it was supposed to work. They were supposed to be each other’s masterpiece." That line is so elegant and powerful. I also liked, "You're one part of me, and I therefore can’t let you grow too far from my heart?" However, the following mention of "brutal honesty" seemed wrong, since the truth she was thinking wasn't really brutal at all. Another word choice that felt off to me was "his words were temporarily harmless." I think "superficially" is more the meaning, unless I'm misreading the intent of the sentence. But the last two paragraphs were my favorites; they were everything I like about this story, sparsely worded but rich in meaning and emotion. Very well done!


Author's Response: The way this story has gone is quite amusing. I submitted it one minute, it was accepted the next, and I have a SPEW review on it the next! Brilliant, yes? Anyway, you\'re quite right about the use of \'brutal\' and that temporary is probably the wrong word - I meant to say that the words weren\'t harmless as he spoke them then, but had the potential to be. So I think \'superficial\' would work nicely there. Thank you so much for your thoughts!

 
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