Another brilliant chapter, but I'm a little disturbed. Would Harry and Hermione sneak a dangerous, untested potion into Remus's drink without telling him? I know Harry can be reckless, but not at the expense of Remus. Well, I'll have to read on and see what happens!
This was a great chapter!! The character interactions were especially good. I liked Hermione roping Ron into SPEW duties and Ron thinking it wasn't what he expected but it was better than nothing. That was funny, and very realistic. Remus leaving the school, Snape chastising Harry, all of it was so naturally IC that I feel like I'm reading the actual books. And the plot turn is getting very interesting! I'll be waiting for updates. :)
Author's Response: I could just imagine the self-sacrificing look on Ron's face when Hermione picked up those badges. Bless him! i felt bad about remus leaving but I couldn't have him getting drunk again...who knows what could have happened! Thanks again for your reviews!
This was great! I love the humor mixed in. Especially "You will not touch my bats." LOL! I'm very intrigued by the plot twist. Roderick's creeping me out, and for the first time, I actually like Filch. And poor Harry! I can't wait to see where this goes.
Author's Response: Yes, I liked the bats too. Roderick's creeping you out??? You have no idea what he is doing to me!!!!LOL
Wonderful!!! I was so happy to see that you updated so quickly. Once again, you've written Snape perfectly. I love the way he witheringly revealed the Drooble's list and how he took the news of his father: "Severus hadn’t allowed Dumbledore’s words to reach anywhere important inside him yet." It was such a telling contrast between Snape and Maeve as to how they deal with their emotions. But then when Snape did let his emotions out.... "'SPEAK TO ME!' he shouted, shattering the silence into a million screaming fragments of love." Wow! That was an incredibly powerful display of his passion. I also love how you've fleshed out Filch, even though he is a repugnant little man. And poor Dumbledore, losing his edge. That made me sad. He's always the one you can count on, and now his reliability is fading. I liked Bella sizing up Edward's importance and then deciding to brush past him. That was a perfect depiction of the way she thinks. I also liked Lucius wanting to tell her "that he wouldn’t have to see her haggard face with [the mask] on." LOL! And Mave... poor, poor Maeve goes through so much! I wanted to cry when she asked for Remus. She was so sad and helpless, and I'm glad she still loves Remus as a brother. I really loved the line "looking out across the water had become too painful in its simplicity." That was beautiful. There were a few typos, which I've listed. I hope it's not obnoxious to list them all out, but I don't want typos to intefere with your story. Drooble’s best = Drooble's Best, Of it will be nothing = Or it will be nothing, leaving in her hunched = leaving her hunched, Voldemort says irregardless!!!, the idea if the warmth = the idea of the warmth, very gave mistake = very grave mistake, that is my question = That is my question, sent him crashing to floor = sent him crashing to the floor, “Where you attacked?” = "Were you attacked?" Looks like you might have been in a hurry. :) So in closing, since I can't end on silly typos, great story! Great characters! Great lines! Great humor! Great mysteries! And though I've resigned myself to the fact that Maeve and Snape belong together, please bring Remus back soon. I miss him, and so does Maeve. :)
I'm not sure how many of your finite chapters are left now, so I'm savoring each one! This one was great, of course. How could it not be? :) I was happy to see the return of Lugh; it's interesting to compare gods and wizards. My favorite line was "Lugh tried to look apologetic but being a god, it didn’t come easy and didn’t look quite right." That was brilliant, it sounded like something Douglas Adams would have written. And I love how Maeve is fiery enough to stand up to him. Even though she can be fairly certain he won't smite her down, it still takes guts to get sassy with a deity. "Maeve felt the need for Severus’ uncompromising carping, for his gloomy outlook and predictable sarcasm." I really liked that line, too; it was a good way to show why Maeve loves Severus, even when he's at his most unpleasant. All throughout your story are little details that make your characters rich and realistic. Another one that's easy to pass by, but still important, was "He merely reached out and took her unresisting hand in his own and patted it warmly, making up for her frostiness." That says so much about both Maeve and Dumbledore in such a subtle way. I also loved how Alice was allowed a bit of peace at the end from her sister. It feels like things are wrapping up, but I hope not too quickly! Although even when this ends, I'll still be looking forward to the wedding. ;)
All I can say is wow. This is an incredible story! I'm so caught up in your world; it's like reading a real novel. I love your characterizations of Snpe and Lupin. They're perfectly written. I can't wait to read the rest!
Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review. Glad you are enjoying the story and I'm pleased you think Lupin and Snape are in character. They are both a dream to write because they are so complex.
Once again, I'm completely blown away by your storytelling! It's fantastic! My only suggestion would be to use a bit more commas in some of your longer sentences; it will make them easier to read. But please keep up this great story! I was on the edge of my seat when Lupin attacked Snape!
Author's Response: He he, I was tempted to let him bite him! Point me in the direction of the confusing sentences and I'll see what I can do.
I'm running out of different ways to say "great chapter," so I'll just fall back on the standard. Great chapter! My favorite part was Remus's letter. It was a perfect characterization of him: sweet, touching, and noble in his defense of Severus. I loved the excellent parallel you drew about the non-importance of blood, how blood does not tie Severus to his father and how the lack of blood does not keep Remus and Maeve from being family. I thought that was a great way to address such a large issue in the wizarding world. I was also glad to see a return to the Trio. I loved this line: "Hermione watched Ron thoughtfully and wished he’d eat a bit less and with a bit more decorum." That perfectly captures the essence of Hermioneness. There were a few typos and grammar errors, but not that many to be significant. One was "What he has not suspected" should be "What he had not suspected," unless you were artistically changing the tense for a moment. Like I said, not that significant, but I feel obligated to provide concrit and it's so darn hard to find any in your writing! I always get caught up in the story and forget I'm supposed to be reviewing. (Not that that's a complaint) And I'm glad you write fast; now it's on to the next chapter!
Yay!! I'm so happy with the way things turned out in this chapter! You completely surprised me with Maeve's proposal. It made so happy, and then I laughed out loud at: "'When?' he asked carefully, as if he were considering some extra class that had to be fitted into the schedule." That was great; I can just imagine Severus saying that in the surreal circumstances. And I was thrilled to have Remus back. You write his self-sacrifing nature very well. "He couldn’t let her see any of this though; it would only make her choices harder if she felt he did not fully support her." And then this broke my heart! "He rubbed her arm gently, enjoying the closeness and trying to accept that this was as close as they would ever be." It's a very interesting love triangle going on, and even though Maeve and Severus are happy and Remus would never intefere, there's still some intriguing bumpiness. (Jealous Severus!) The humor is especially good; I loved Remus unsuccessfully trying to keep Maeve from crying, Madam Pomfrey admitting her approval of the rock-pelting, and Dumbledore's aside about Norman Casanova. They were all great and added to the lighter tone of this chapter. Grammar-wise, I noticed some sentences that could use a few commas, like this one: "After weeks of thinking about this it all seemed like such an anticlimax and worse still Severus wasn’t there to share the moment with her." But overall, it was nearly flawless which makes me feel like I'm reading a novel instead of a regular fanfic. Keep it up!
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I WILL KILL HARRY AND HERMIONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAARRRRGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Great chapter, by the way!)
Oh, I can breathe again... there's still hope that Remus and Maeve will tear each others' robes off. :) My emotions are absolutely tied up in this story, and that's the biggest compliment I can give any writer! GREAT JOB!!
Author's Response: Blushes. Glad you are enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it. It has definately got more emotional as the chapters have moved on...and I'm not through yet!!:-)
That was a fantastic chapter! So many things caught me by surprise. I loved how Neville stood up to Snape and prevented him from using the Cruciatus curse. It's easy to forget why Neville is in Gryffindor, but that was an excellent reminder. I also loved Snape reflecting on what a worthless twit Draco is, and then thinking that Draco reminded him of himself when he was younger. That was funny but also sad, because you can imagine the self-loathing Snape lives with. You have a way of writing subtle lines that have so much meaning behind them. When Snape complained that Dumbledore had a bad habit of giving people second chances who didn't deserve them, it brought up his whole feud with Remus and Sirius without you even having to mention it. And Lucius thinking of the "wide four-poster he occasionally shared with Narcissa," just the word "occasionally" implies so much about their marriage. There are some really funny parts in this chapter, too. Snape's comment about Lily's "pent-up compassion" was hilarious, as was his "preening under the implied praise." And I was dying when McGonagall caught them in the halls and Maeve mentioned the advance in sleeping arrangements. :) My only concrit is that the possessive of Severus would be Severus's, because even though it ends in an 's' it's still singular. But picky grammar aside, great job!!!
Author's Response: I hadn't intended McGonagall to bump into them but I had to rewrite the ending and suddenly there she was. I've rather enjoyed putting Snape under the spotlight in terms of embarassing situations in these last few chapters. I think I might have to ease up on him now or he'll be even grumpier than he is at the moment. :-) Ah the great s's debate. It rages on in certain grammatical circles. I side with the grammarians that advocate dropping the pesky second S because it looks and sounds so much neater. Both s' and s's are equally valid. here endeth the grammar lesson for the day. :-) And I want to explore Lucius and Narcissa a little bit more but I don't think I'm going to have room in this fic...maybe I'll return to their marrried life in another story.
I am speechless.... I am actually tearing up from Snape's kiss. That was the most wonderful reaction you could have written for him. I can't believe how good this story is! And I'm so relieved Remus is back. I don't want to pester you, but PLEASE update soon!!!!!
Author's Response: I'm working on 26 now and 25 is in the queue so you should have your update soon...and if you that chapter was emotional wait until you see what's in store for Remus next.
I've been reading your story all day; I just can't get enough! First I had to stop reading when Remus left because I almost cried, and then my heart was literally pouning when Snape came in with "bad news," then Bill and Arthur?? This story is such an emotional whirlwind!!!
And P.S., I know Maeve and Remus are platonic, but I would so love to see them together. I keep hoping they're just going to suddenly tear each others' robes off and hop into the sack. Please consider adding this storyline; it would make me very happy. ;)
Author's Response: :-) I know Maeve and she is not about to let anyone tear her clothes off. LOL Romantically things have already been decided and it would take a miracle to change things now. Although with these characters and their attitude anything is possible.
I absolutely LOVE this story! Everything about it is perfect. I love the humor and the emotions of the characters. I especially love Sirius's list of reasons to tell Moony, the exchange of notes between Sirius and James, the hug outside McGonagall's office, and the way Remus responded to the note. (Gee, did I just list your whole story?) I only noticed two typos: "She looked as though he was prepared for their arrival," I think the "he" should be "she." And "His eyes are not as sharp was mine," I think "was" should be "as." But aside from that, this was very well-written, very touching, and realistic. (Rare for slash!) Please keep it up; I've read all your stories and now I want more! :)
Author's Response: Ack, typos. Must fix. Actually, it's not rare for slash; I think you've been reading the wrong stuff.
This is my favorite chapter of my favorite humor fic so far. Strip qudditch is INGENIOUS!!!! You write the characters very well, I can so see the Marauders doing all this. Great job!
You have a great writing style! I especially loved your interactions between Snape and Lupin in prison. Keep it up!
Nice opening chapter! You did a good job portraying Lily and the Marauders. I was a little put off by Peter starting to say "Mudblood," but otherwise the relationships were well done. I liked playful Sirius and Remus as the voice of reason. Good job with the grammar, too. My only suggestion would be too avoid parantheses in narration, e.g. write "Chelsea (Lily’s best mate)" with commas instead: "Chelsea, Lily’s best mate," Not that's technically wrong, though; it's just a matter of preference. You've done well setting up James and Lily; I'll be interested to see what happens over the summer.
Great chapter! You definitely have a talent for setting and description. I loved Lily and Harry in the beginning. It was a very cute and touching mother/son relationship, especially her enjoying his happiness even when he's smashing her plates. And the imagery is fantastic. There are so many lines that paint such a clear picture in my mind. Some of my favorites of Harry were "He protested, grunting loudly and giving small shrieks while trying to shove her hand away" and "under the table peacefully examining the zipper on his shirt, oblivious to their confusion." And I really loved this description of the dinner scene: "It was quite an enjoyable evening with a warm breeze creeping in through the open window." You're able to describe the scene effortlessly without overly-flowery language. I noticed one iffy grammar thing, though. I'm not sure if this is a rule or a guideline, but I think a comma should precede "then" in lines like "James drew in a sharp breath then softly sighed" and "She drifted off then turned to look at James." But aside from that, the writing was very smooth and flowed well. The action was well-played, too. I was so nervous for them, especially when they were escaping. And I like how the chapter ends with Lily telling James she loves him. Your descriptions show how in love they are, which also lets us see how they are able to withstand their life on the run. Once again, great job!
Author's Response: My natural inclination is to put that comma before then's, but the grammar check kept setting off and I think it's because the then itself is the pause. Or something like that, lol. I'm a comma lover though. And thank you so much for showing what parts you liked reading. It's nice to know what lines stood out. I hope you come back and review because I've really enjoyed what you've had to say. :)
This is a great opening chapter. I felt drawn in from the beginning with your description of Lily outside in the summer evening. You set the mood very well; I really felt like I was in the story. And I loved the humor in this! Especially James panicking before Harry came. :) That's just how I imagine him, good-natured and goofy. You also did a good job with the seriousness, capturing the fear that they felt. One of my favorite lines was "James looked to the sky, as if expecting to see malevolence in the constellations." It really illustrated how unsafe they were, surrounded by danger. But most of all I liked it because it really made James and Lily feel real to me. I've never really minded them being dead, since we never got a chance to meet them in canon, but this makes me realize what we miss with them not being around anymore. Great job!
Author's Response: Oh good! I'm glad to hear from you. I really value your opinion since you have such a great story of your own. :) This was a fun chapter to write. I was feeling Lily out and slowly feeling what was in store for them. It wasn't until I finished writing this chapter that I fell completely in love with Lily and all she has to offer. Thanks so much for your sweet review. :)