I am a huge Harry Potter fan and appreciate the numerous talented people who put their time and effort into writing the wonderful fan fiction stories. I just submitted my first fanfic, "Harry Potter and the Reflection of Darkness". Please read and review if you have the time.
The voices can be a bit distracting at times, but I think it works well for this story. I liked that you showed a little vulnerability in Ginny and the part about her not sleeping since Tom Riddle possessed her was excellent. Insomnia can play hell on your nerves and I think it explains a lot about why Ginny is the way she is. I really wish we would have had some indication of how Harry felt when Ginny was sleeping in his lap *sigh*
Author's Response: The voices kind of fade out some later in the story. As it becomes known what they make the character capable of, it becomes less neccessary to write them.
It is good to see vulnerabilitiy out of Ginny. Really though, Ginny would be fine if she just allowed herself to rest like she normally does. But something in her has her pushing harder than before, and she is not resting her body. She is resting the voices, occasionaly, but is not doing what she needs to, and has pushed herself to far.
You and everyone else, wants to know what Harry fetl while holding Ginny. I'm telling you all, brother/sister, that is what they tell me to write, that is what I write. Are they lying to me? Who knows, keep reading to find out.
Thanks again for the review.
WOW!!!! That was very impressive. I loved the action sequences and the entire Quidditch trial was written so well I felt like I was there. I enjoyed how Ginny really pushed Harry and I think (okay, I hope...) he's beginning to see her as a bit more than a little sister. I can't wait for Hermione to read the diary. This was one of my favorite chapters so far. By the way, I just posted the first chapter of my very first fanfic. It's called "Harry Potter and the Reflection of Darkness" and it's in the romance section under H/G and R/Hr (of course!). If you have time, please let me know what you think. I'd really appreciate it.
Author's Response: Thank you. This is one of my favorite chapters also. A lot of things happen in it. Most notably, is Ginny and Harry's confrontation. Hermione reads the diary in the next chapter, so you won't have to wait long. I will check out your story, as soon as I am done responding to my reviews.
Interesting chapter. I enjoyed the anamagi sequences and I think you covered the difficulty of becoming one very well with the whole potion thing. I love that Ginny is a phoenix and I think Ron and Hermione are perfect as lions. I think Harry's form may present some problems, but I think his form suits him. I thought it was an interesting choice to make both he and Ginny magical creatures and I believe there was a lot more to Hermione's lioness placing their hands together than you let on. I know, I know - brother/sister....but I still think it's a red herring.
Author's Response: This was a fun chapter, and I am glad you liked it. Harry's animagus, does present certain problems for him, but then a certain witch has ways of getting around those problems. Maybe Hermione knows something we don't, but then again, maybe she doesn't.
Okay, you had me worried for awhile that Hermione would choose Harry and I can't tell you how relieved I am that she chose Ron. They just seem to fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle. One thing that I think is odd is how Hermione is always referring to him as Ronald now. I know she is the only one who can get away with it, but I kind of envision her saying it occasionally. It just makes things seem a bit too formal. I really liked the part about the DA and how Cho is redeeming herself. I have a gut feeling about who the fourth person in the prophecy will be, but I don't want to jinx it. I think the idea that there would be four parts to the prophecy is quite brilliant really. Very creative.
Author's Response: Thank you for the praise regarding the prophecy. Cho gets a pretty fair role in my story. I have Hermione using Ronald because she can get away with it. In a way, it is like marking her territory. She likes that only she can get away with it, up until this point it was a safe way of her saying he look at me Ron. I did toy with putting Harry and Hermione together. But I didn't want to have to kill off Ron and Ginny. At least not this early in the story. Looking forward to your next review.
This was really well written, but I can't get into the whole H/Hr thing. I'm a diehard H/G and R/Hr fan and I can't be swayed. That said, I thought Hermione going up against McGonagall was hysterical. It's not something you'd expect from someone who always tries her best to obey the rules (although admittedly she fails quite a lot) and it was really refreshing. Harry and Ron are still a bit too cordial about this whole sitution with Hermione's love in my opinion and I'm curious to see how they are toward each other after Hermione has made her decision. Thanks for keeping Ginny cool throughout all this - she's a neat character and I think we have a lot more to learn about her from JKR.
Author's Response: Yes, I know. People have the pairings they support and you can't convince them no matter what you do. I also like Hermione going up against McGonagall. I can see her doing it also. She spouts the rules a lot, but breaks them more. She also has on more than one occasion said loyalty and friendship were more important than the rules. Luna risked her life for Harry, Ron, and the others. Hermione will stand up for her, the consequences be dammed. I have stated that Harry and Ron are going to be cordial about the battle for Hermione. That is the way it is, it really would have to be. Hermione would not have either of them if the fought each other for her. I hope JKR does a lot more with Ginny also. We Have Ron and Hermione, who are each others match. Now, we need someone who can go toe to toe with Harry, and I think it is Ginny. She did it over christmas when she let Harry have it for forgetting that Voldemort had possessed her, and I think she is going to do it some more when he continues to be a prat about Sirius's death only affecting him.
This was an intersting chapter and I liked that Ginny has to face her inner demons in order to regain consciousness. The parts of the story from Ginny's perspective during unconsciousness are well done. The only problem I have with this story is that there are a few spelling errors - I can't help but mention it because it is my pet peeve. Otherwise, I think this chapter was well done and I look forward to finishing the story soon.
Author's Response: I'm glad you like the the chapter, and look forward to seeing the rest of your reviews. Tell me what the spelling errors are, so I can fix them. I won't be upset about it.
I'm a bit confused by your summary - a blond Weasley? Maybe I missed something. Anyway, on to the chapter. I have to agree that the characters seem aged a bit, but it is your story and you should write the characters as you see fit. I think it's important to remember that these teenagers have had to face a hell of a lot more than most people their age and I would expect them to be a bit more grown up. That said, I enjoyed the negotiations between Harry and Dobby - it was completely canon, as well as entertaining. I can't wait to see what Ginny is up to.
Author's Response: You haven't met the blond Weasley yet. I'm glad you can see that the characters should be acting older than their age at times. Many societies age their children much faster than the US, England, ect. It is a product of need. When you can't afford to be a child anymore, as these kids can't, then you grow up. Or, you end up dead. Ginny is an interesting character and is up to lots of things.
I like how you refer to Harry's connection to Voldemort as a conduit because that's exactly as I picture it. I really enjoyed Ginny's character in this chapter. I think she has more power than any of us know. At first it did seem odd that she would refer to Voldemort as Tom, but when I thought about it I realized it is actually quite logical and there are several points about it. First of all, she was possessed by his sixteen-year-old self and at that time he was known as Tom Riddle. I think possession is a very intimate thing (not in a good way either) between two people and unfortunately there is a twisted kind of tie that remains after the link is broken. Additionally, I almost feel that she refers to him as Tom out of defiance and perhaps in doing so, she takes away some of the fear. Let's face it, the name Voldemort strikes terror in most people's hearts and he likes it that way. Ginny seems like she refuses to acknowledge his self-imposed title and maybe that makes it easier for her to deal with him. I also think it is interesting that in the books Dumbledore, when directly addressing Voldemort, also refers to him as Tom.
Author's Response: I think JKR may refer to the connection as a conduit in book five herself. Maybe not, but that is how I think of it. Everything you say about Ginny calling Voldemort Tom is exactly why I did it, and alre the arguments I used when my beta said I don't think so. Voldemort, while he has fashioned this name for himself does not want people to even use that. He want's the name known, but people to afraid to use it. Tom, he wants banished from history. That Ginny and Dumbledore use it is about the greatest act of defiance that they can come up with short of throwing curses at him. I believe you are correct about Ginny haveing more power than any of us know. What was it about and 11 year old girl that allowed her to fight Riddle on her own for almost a year. What allowed her to beat him. She did you know, she threw the diary away. when she did, the Basalisk attacks stopped untill she stole the diary back from Harry to save him from Riddle. Only after she came into possession of the diary the second time did she finally fall to Riddle. Seems to me there is an extrodinary witch, that I hope we get to see a lot more of in JKR's version of year 6 and 7.
What can I say about this chapter that hasn't already been said? This was beyond brilliant. You really brought together all of the elements of your story and it flowed wonderfully. The Phoenix spell was so original and yet it's like it was waiting there in the books all along. This was truly some excellent writing and I'm sorry I can't find better words to describe it.
Author's Response: I'm glad you think I did such a good job, and that you think the solution to the Death Curse was there all along. I'm really kind of glowingright now. This is the best review I have recieved for this chapter and specifically for the phoenix spell. The way you see the solution to the death curse the same way I do, makes it feel like I did it right.
Okay, I trust you - you've convinced me Bridgette is okay. I think the whole Mad-Eye Moody thing in GOF has left me unable to trust new characters who have the potential to be cool.
Author's Response: Weel, you know it was not Mad-Eye who was the problem in that book.
I think what worked best in this chapter is how you showed that what one person thinks is a harmless joke can really hurt someone. I felt so bad for Ron and I think he reacted like he did because even though he has Hermione's love, he's always come in second to Harry. He doesn't yet have enough confidence in himself to overcome that small shadow of self-doubt. I know a lot of people seemed to be upset with the cousins kissing and I have to admit it made me feel weird at first , but then I remembered that Ginny and Ron didn't really seem to even know their cousin well when she started at Hogwarts, so I think of her more as a distant relation. Heck, the entire British monarchy has been marrying their cousins for years. Anyway, nice job on the chapter.
Author's Response: You are correct about Ron's insecurities. He still has a few with Harry and Hermione, even though Harry and Hermione, other than this joke have given him no reason to be insecure. Also, Harry is truely beyond Hermione in my story at this point.
The thing with the 'Kissing Cousins' it is a theme in JKR's books. Look at the scene where Sirius is telling Harry about the Black Familly Tapistry. The fact is that the 'Pure Bloods' are dying out because they were marrying their cousins, and there is not enough diversity in their blood.
Glad you like the chapter.
My favorite part of this chapter was the proximity detection spell - I thought it was brilliant and I loved how Harry figured it out. I didn't quite understand why Hermione would hide from Harry after he gave her the dress. The potion and the Blood Oath ceremony were well done (I will refrain from any medically related issues other than to comment that it's a sad part of our human existance that in our world we have to think about those things). I'm a bit confused about the potion. I know Ginny and Ron took it, but am I correct in understanding that Harry and Hermione did not? Last but not least, I thoroughly enjoyed the scene between Bridgette and Harry and how each of them really felt nothing from the kiss. I thought they both handled it maturely and of course you know I hope that Harry now comes to his senses and snogs Ginny senseless, but I also know you're going to tell me that it could be any number of other girls Harry is meant for - LOL!
Author's Response: I see, I have really confused you.
Hermione is hiding from Harry because she told him he was in trouble for spying on her. She is creating the tension she needs to really let him have it. I tend to think this is a little 'Ginny inspired' revenge, as Hermione is unlikely to have done this on her own.
It is too bad about the medical issues of the Blood Oath. People just need to remember this is fiction.
Ron and Ginny did not take the potion. None of them did. I thought I had made that clear, but apparantly I missed at least one reader. Ron, Hermione, and Harry did not take the potion because they all felt Ginny would needlessly risk herself for them so the protection of the potion would be in place. In my mind, if they had taken the potion, it would have worked fore Harry and Hermione, as well as Ron, because of the Blood Oath. Hope that clears things up for you.
It is a theme of my story, the characters behaving more maturely than one might expect. I know, everyone wants Harry and Ginny. And you are correct, there could be any number of other girls for him besides Ginny. Of course they are all going to have to get Ginny's approval one way or another. If anyony thinks that Harry putting his foot down about Bridgette will deter her, then they don't know my version of Ginny very well. She will just be a little more subtle about it than threatening to turn their hair green.
Your chapters are so wonderfully long I have to set aside time to read them! A few minor criticisms about this chapter. I'm always going on about spelling errors and I found a few, so I have to mention them. For example "barley" instead of "barely" and two incorrect name spellings - Nymphadora Tonks and Professor Grubbly-Plank. As for the content, I'm really enjoying the inner voices and I like that you're attributing some powerful magic to Ron. We always hear about Hermione or Ginny being very powerful, so it was nice to see a fan fic where Ron's strength was mentioned. I was a bit surprised that no one from Gryffindor was given warnings for using magic outside of school, even thought the circumstances were extreme. It just doesn't go with the past ways of the Ministry, where Harry was punished for a house elf doing magic and then for doing magic while he was in danger. Hopefully the Ministry is taking on a new philosophy. My final point is that I found it strange you would refer to three Slytherins who were gifted at Potions (I am assuming Snape was referring to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle) , since I would never imagine that Malfoy's cronies could form a complete sentence much less mix complex potions. Malfoy I can certainly see as being quite talented in Potions. My final point in this essay of a review is that I loved that you brought Remus Lupin back and that Dumbledore gave students a choice. Great idea!
Author's Response: Long chapters, I like to read them, and write them. Don't appoligize for correcting my spelling. I want and need that. The way I see things is that Harry is the most powerful. Obviously. I see that JKR has given him Ron and Hermione. Ron will have his back all the time, and I think JKR will make him quite a bit above average in the power department. Hermione, is obviously the brains. I don't see that she will be super powerful out of JKR, but she never misses, and always gets it correct the first time. Ginny is the real wild card that JKR has left. She can take her anywhere yet, and I think that JKR is going to make Ginny a witch you do not want to cross. Warnings for underage use of magic. Well, the slytherins started it, their were bunches of witnessess, a ministry official was there almost before it was over, the magic was done in Diagon Alley, so no muggles are going to see it, any that do would be like Hermione's parents, and like I say in chapter two. The ministry has little time for the decree now-a-days anyways. Notice, I did not refer to the three slytherins as gifted. Snape does this, and it would be entierly in character for him to do so. He knows Crabbe and Goyle are idiots, yet they are in his NEWT class anyways. Snape refering to those three as gifted is just another chance to take a shot at Harry. It was fun to bring Lupin back. Unfortuantely, I neglect him through most of the rest of my story.
Oh my gosh - your chapters are so wonderfully long! It's going to take me a year to read this story, but I am really enjoying it. I think you conveyed action quite well during the Quidditch match, which I find is rather difficult to do. Fred and George were so spot on - I could completely picture them singing their little song about Harry and Ginny. Okay, now for the love triangle. I think you must already know that I am very much a H/G and R/H shipper and I think JKR is leading us down that path. For me, the feelings Hermione is having for Harry just don't seem like her, but having said that, I think you've covered their emotions well. I think it is conceivable that she (and Harry) can be unsure of just who it is they have feelings for and it is in no way a criticism of your story, just something I wanted to point out. I guess I just feel this way because I haven't really interpreted any of Hermione's feelings (as written by JKR) as anything more than friendship, but really, she is the only one who knows for sure. Anyway, you made me feel so bad for Ron when he realized Harry had feelings for Hermione and to elict emotion from a reader is exactly what a writer should do, so kudos to you. Great job!
Author's Response: Yes, I do write long chapters generally speaking. Quidditch is difficult to write, thanks for the compliment. Now about the love triangle. You are absolutly correct, there is nothing in canon to support it. It is total fabrication on my part for the purposes of this story. I would also agree with you that JKR is leading us to a R/HR and H/G pairing in her books. I have said this before though. I don't think it is out of the realm of possibility for some confusion on the part of both Harry and Hermione out of JKR. They are a good friends and for them to at least notice that the other is attractive could happen. If I remember correctly, when Ron has his revelation about Hermione being a girl and he can go to the yule ball with her. There is actually a line or two where we see Harry looking at her realizing the same thing as Ron and that she is not unattrative. But I digress. I doubt JKR will do a H/HR pairing. I'd tell you where my story goes with the pairings, but the chapters are up and I will just let you read them.
Great introductory chapter. I had heard the chocolate frog theory somewhere before, but I think you developed it quite well. I also liked the voices because I've always enjoyed inner monologues. I think Hermione's confusion about which guy she likes most was understandable. I don't think she's ever really thought of Harry in that way, but I think it could certainly happen. I had to disagree when you mentioned her not being as powerful as Ron or Harry, but I think you alluded to her being stronger toward the end of the chapter. The theory of another prophecy is intriguing and I can't wait to see where it leads. I have to say that I am hoping that Harry and Luna do not get together because I think the possibilities of he and Ginny being together have a lot more potential. I see Ginny as a powerful equal to Mr. Potter and I think there is a link there that is meant to be.
Author's Response: It is fun to play with the cards like that. Really gives Dumbledore a heck of a spy system. I was always intrigued by how distracted Dumbledore was, yet he always knew what was going on around him. It really seemed like a man, who to me was really dividing his attention. I think canon is pretty clear that Harry is the most powerful, followed by Ron, then Hermione. She is the brains. Each of them are bringing different things to the table that will ultimately help Harry defeat the Voldemort. Notice, as you read my story that even though Hermione is not as powerful as Harry or Ron, that she is powerful. Infact by the time all is said and done in my writing she is going to be capable of going toe to toe with Voldemort alone for a short time without getting herserlf killed. The only person in JKR's writing who can do that at this point is Dumbledore. If there can be one prophecy, there can be others. Why should it fall to one teenage boy to defeat the Dark Lord? He needs help, let's get him some. I really don't see Luna being the one for Harry in JKR's stuff. The Department of Mysteries was a bonding thing for the characters. Like the troll in book one. Harry and Ron save Hermione from the troll, she saves them from McGonagall. The result, it appears is an unbreakable friendship. No, we get a very similar thing at the end of book five. The most significant thing about it is that it is no longer just the trio. We get three new characters who go along for the ride. I think a similar bonding will occur the six of them now. JKR has done more hinting at Ron and Hermione than anyone needs to see that she is likely going to pair them. She's got Ron hinting that he wants Harry and Ginny together. The whole given up Harry from Ginny is, in my opinion a set up to make Harry's life miserable. I really think she is going to ultimately pair them up. Luna is there for Neville. The two misfits finding each other. That is at least the way I think it will go. As far as Harry/Hermione. This is total fabrication on my part. Though I do think in the normal course of teenage life, that the concept of Harry and Hermione at least looking at each other is not out of the realm of possibilities. JKR might even explore this a little herself. She has already set up one thing that could destroy Ron and Harry's friendship with Dumbledore telling Harry that Ron is a Prefect because Harry had too much to do allready. This plays right into Ron's inferiority complex. Having Harry and Hermione take a look at each other romantically could really open up a can of worms.
I'm so sorry it's taken me such a long time to read your story. You've been such a great reviewer for my story and I wanted to reciprocate. First off, your dedication to your sister was beautiful and it's apparent that she is a very important person in your life. Second, you are a great writer! I started reading this and was immediately drawn in. You have a lovely descriptive style that comes through in your writing and I look forward to many more chapters. 10/10 - I'd give you more if I could! I am immediately adding this story to my favorites.
Author's Response: All that matters is that you got here, you've been busy with your story and i can entirely understand that. My sister is indeed a very important person in my life, if not the most important. Thank you for the compliment, you are just as great - I'm love with your story! Appreciate you adding my to your faves list, thank you!
This was such a powerful chapter. Remus is one of my favorite characters and his talk with Harry was so well done it brought tears to my eyes. Your description of feeling empty when someone close to you dies was so accurate. I lost my Dad almost two years ago and that it exactly how I still feel sometimes. You really have a gift for protraying emotions and I love your writing style. Great job!
Author's Response: Emotions are something i find come easily, i'm a bit like Dumbledore *sniff* in that although nothing ever seems to phase me or move me all that often, i do feel. I lost my great aunt five years ago now and i was closer to her than i am to the my grandmother. It just broke my heart because she was such an incredible old lady, she has this deep and very dirty sounding laugh that always makes me smile when i think about it. Remus understands everything that Harry is feeling because he's felt it too. I'm so glad that you approved.
LOL - the picture in my mind of Dudley looking like he's been "smacked in the face with a wet kipper" was truly hysterical. I like how the chapter started rather lightly with this joke and then with Harry feeling better and then got progressively darker with the deaths in Harry's neighborhood. I am intrigued by Dumbledore's granddaughter. Great chapter!
Author's Response: I loved writing that line, i sat for ages at the computer trying to think of a way to describe his expression and Jo (the aforementioned little sister) had Fawlty Towers on in the back ground. I don't know if you've ever seen it but it was a brilliant comedy show from the 1970s by John Cleese and one of the episodes is called The Kipper and The Corspe. In one scene John Cleese's character actually smacks someone round the face with a kipper and *ping* the idea planted itself in my head.
Way to go Charlie!!! I love that you have him in this story. The reading of the will was absolutely awesome and so creative. I can't believe this is your first fanfic because it's incredible. I am very intrigued to see who Elizabeth's father is, as I noticed that you have conveniently left that out. Masterful writing!
Author's Response: I adore Charlie, i really do. The great thing is we don't know an awful lot about him so you can do all sorts with him! When i thought about the will i had this vision of Sirius sitting and quoting all this stuff to a lawyer who practically had his nose rubbing against the parchment and originally i wrote that chapter with Sirius's lawyer reading it out to them. My vision of Sirius kept intruding though and i suddenly thought that it would be so much nicer if they could actually see the man himself reading it to them, we muggles have Video Wills, so i created the wizard version! I assure you that it is my first fanfic but i picked up some excellent tips for other writers which includes withholding the identity of Elizabeth's father. You'll have to read on, which i'm sure you were going to do anyway. I actually feel quite sorry for you, all those chapters left to read, ouch!
Oh no - you're lulling me into a false sense of security, aren't you? I can tell by the way you ended the chapter that something evil is coming. I really liked how you emphasized Neville's dramatic improvement - afterall, I think he's going to end up being a piece of the puzzle and I like seeing him gain confidence. The "good howler" was quite creative. I think my favorite part about this chapter were the talks between Harry and Ginny. I really like that they aren't all caught up in the hormones and have a real connection (should I say bond again?) with each other. Excellent job!
Author's Response: I am lulling you in to a false sense of security, watch out for me, i do that. I think Neville is great and i have fairly big plans for him in the future, he's going to be in the sequal quite a bit more, he's full of surprises. As for the Harry/Ginny thing, you could say bond, that might be a good direction to go in, i really like how you're catching on to parts of my long term plot, it's pretty cool.