I think you're about a tenth into the story.. and maybe make the plot twists a little more 1317 from St James Park to Exmouth rather than 1100 London to Hogwarts? :)
Author's Response: I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't live in England (if that helps at all)
Decent enough start - It'll be interesting to see how this one turns out. My money's on him going back to King's Cross, having a nervous breakdown and throwing himself in front of the 1331 from Newark North Gate. Am I close?
Like it :) This is one of those moments where it's absolutely critical that we've begun to like Arthur by now, otherwise the constant crap that he keeps getting wouldn't affect us!
This bit generates a good degree of sympathy, well from me anyway, for little Arthur. He's got a quite well-defined personality now: one of those quiet ones who keeps things to himself more than he ought to. One of those that, when they explode, it's furious!
Author's Response: Interesting deconstruction. He felt so whole for me from the beginning that it\'s very hard to take the reader\'s perspective.
Excellent read so far :) I enjoy reading the AU/post-canon fictions - possibly because it gives you scope to be creative, possibly cause it can't wind me up that canon's mucked with!
Really like Arthur's character. As a teacher, I think you've struck exactly the right balance between self-confidence and the nagging fear - even petrification - of the unknown that haunts Arthur. It's the same sunken eyes, pinched cheeks, pale and clammy skin that inevitably happens when you ask someone to go over the side of an abseil tower for the first time...
Not sure what house I'd put him in: he doesn't seem the complete git type that traditionally suits Slytherin... although we may be heading for the "Slytherins aren't all bad" story, and I think there's a bit of most of the houses in him. It'll take a lot of bravery to get from where he is now into Hogwarts, however...
Author's Response: I definitely appreciate the creative leeway getting this far removed gives. I try to keep the characters in line rather than the events and the characters are the fun part, anyhow. With book 7. . . well, really outside the box now. See, before book 7 I thought Slytherins were supposed to be just as potentially \"good\" as the other houses. All that stuff about everyone \"coming together\" and such. Book 7 threw that out, big time and that surprised me. I thought it was all supposed to be greyer than that. So, I\'m sticking with my earlier thinking because, despite recent canon, I can\'t give it up; it makes the hp universe lose too much childhood innocence.
All the characters seem very much like cardboard cut-outs based on their children's personalities. Would every parent/child age gap be 20 years? Would they all have the same personality? Position? Skills?
There's also no real chance to get to know and feel for the characters - a match shouldn't be straight out... you need to talk about selection, emotions, nerves... that first paragraph could have been drawn out a hundred times over.
It's a good pretence, but it needs more meat.
Author's Response: As you can see, this story focuses solely on James. This is what James feels, what James sees. Obviously, he can\'t feel what MacNair is feeling or other characters. My first paragraph doesn\'t contain much emotion so I don\'t think I could\'ve drawn it out. It has been commented several times in the book that Harry is very much like his father, in behavior and looks.