I am 17 years old, and an insane Potter nerd. I've only recently started writing fiction. My only problem is that I tend to jump from plot to plot, perfecting them, without really writing them. *rolls eyes* So I've started forcing myself to write.
Other than Harry Potter I also enjoy classical literature, and am currently reading Wuthering Heights.
My favorite Harry Potter character is Severus Snape, followed by Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom. I've always said that if you take those three characters and smoosh them together you'd get me. Scary thought, really.
Beautiful piece of work. However, being nit-picky:
"Only the worthy survive, through they may not cross back"
I think you want to take out the 'r' in 'through'. And the very last sentence is confusing, but other than that it is beautiful.
Oh wow, I really quite enjoyed this story. I definetly thought that this had been about Harry until the twist at the end, your comparison of the two boys is really startling. But I think Albus summed their relationship up rather well when he told Harry that one's choices make all the difference in character development, as opposed to situational similarities. But, it is still haunting to think that, had something gone different, roles could have been switched.
I know a few people already noted it, but it seems too much of a coincidence that both Harry and Voldemort met a snake at the zoo and then discovered that they were a Parslemouth when the Chamber opened. I see it as being more likely that Tom looked into what his ability was and already knew about it when he opened the Chamber-- perhaps being why he opened the Chamber in the first place.
And I think the title you chose really accents the message of the story. I didn't really think about what the title could mean as I was reading-- I must admit I was caught up in the story-- but looking back I think the title fits quite well.
I don't know why people would say Harry turning from Severus like that is out of character... although it may just be that they have a very idealized view of him. If this sort of situation had happened years ago (like his second or third year) I don't think he would have, but Harry has had year of built up hatred for Severus, and those feelings are clearly shown in the novels themselves. Look at the end of HBP, comparing Lord Voldemort to The Half-Blood Prince. *facepalm* The biggest problem is that people *believe* him!
Well now I'm ranting, and I'm afraid it doesn't have much to do with your story, which I really liked. The only thing that struck me as odd as the actual conversation between Harry and Snape. It may be the fact that I spend a lot of my time on Harry Potter discussion sites and therefore have read quite a lot of 'How Snape can still be on the good side after killing Dumbledore' essay-like posts. Perhaps if you had described more of the action rather than simply having Snape say he did it?
Either way, I did enjoy the story, especially the Snape/Regulus relationship. I do like the idea that they knew each other and had been friends at Hogwarts, and it is an interesting idea that it had been Regulus that got Snape involved.
And again, I can still see Harry as being in-character, especially after the war. I really see him as emotionally damaged, and a fight against Voldemort would probably unhinge him even more than he already is. And I think it is clear that Harry *does* believe Snape to an extent, but is desperate to force himself to not believe, if that makes any sense.
Author's Response: Incidentally, the story started out being a long thing that started *in* Regulus\' point of view, and was going to switch over to Snape\'s... covering the entire period. It didn\'t work out that way, and this was what was born of my meditations and brainstorming on the issue. It was written before *I\'d* seen a lot of that type of essay, too, so that may have affected it as well. I love how my story ends up causing people to rant about Harry... Maybe it will make Harry-lovers *think* about it. I do love Harry, but you\'re right about his hatred and people believing him. And yes! Your comment about believing but desperate to force himself not to -- that\'s *exactly* what I\'m trying to portray! I\'m so glad it came across that way! Thank you so much for your detailed and thoughtful review!
Beautiful story, I loved it!
I am a big fan of symbolism so I loved the chess symbolsim. Very well written.
I was suprised that it was Cho in the end, but it wasn't something that ruined the story for me.
I really liked the way you portrayed the battle and gruesome concequences of war. Basically, I loved it. Wonderful job.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much :D
Severus, consider this an e-Crucio.
Wonderful work, I love it, but it was made perfect with this:
He’s been a tad insufferable since he became a PI accredited beta reader.
Author's Response: Hehe, can\'t you see an anal-retentive like Snape becoming a beta reader?
I loved it, and you can add me to the list of people you definetly made cry.
I love mythology and symbolism, so I was very happy to read about the way you included the Sacred Band of Thebes into this story. It was very creative and definetly added to the story.
Oh, and just in case it matters, T.S. Ellitot is one of my favorite poets. ;) And that quote you included is from his poem, Portrait of a Lady.
Author's Response: Thanks, Emily. Thanks so much for identifying \"Portrait of a Lady\" for me; I felt bad for not being able to pinpoint the Eliot quote, but in Gray\'s play the person who uses it (Ben Butley) is supposed to be an expert on Eliot, so I thought it was a good chance that\'s where he got it.
Oh, and if (as your profile says) you\'re interested in Severus Snape, stay tuned; I have a multichapter story coming up soon called Returning Were As Tedious which is all about him.
Aww, beautiful story. Very AU, but believable at the same time. I loved it!
Very different from your 'Dark Lord Blog', but I think the change is nice.
Author's Response: Hey, thank you! I\'m rather fond of this story, too-- a longer companion piece, starring Draco, shall come fairly soon.
Oh wonderful. I wanted to finish reading the whole of year one before I posted a review, but I think you've done a marvelous job on this!
What struck me, first when Severus thought that Anadell was his daughter and again in this chapter, is that Severus is convinced that his daughter will be like Ellessa. It seems an irony that he dismisses Shiloh, who is so much like him, as being his daughter yet was quite ready to believe it was Anadell despite hating the idea that his daughter is like Ellessa.
And I love the way Shiloh is progressing. The little things she does, both those that she comments on and those she doens't seem to notice, keep showing her Slytherin side very well. You've managed to create a wonderfully believable character. One that is flawed, yet still likable despite it all.
You plan on writing all seven years? A very ambitious task, that, and I wish you luck with it. :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I\'m glad that you liked it and I can\'t wait to hear your thoughts on the second year. \r\n\r\nI\'m glad you liked the irony of Severus thinking Annadel was his daughter. Some people didn\'t like it, but I thought the irony of it was necessary to make the story realistic. \"Life\'s Little Ironies\". \r\n\r\nI\'m glad you like how she progress and think I\'m showing her Slytherin side well. So many people think I should have put her in Slytherin, but her being her father\'s daughter, there was no question in my mind what house she belonged it. I\'m glad you think she\'s a believable character. I\'ve strived so hard to make her one.\r\n\r\nYes, I plan on writing all seven years, and I\'m aware of how ambitious that is. But perhaps Shiloh isn\'t the only one with a Slytherin side. ;-)
I would like to say that I really loved this story. I've always liked the shades of grey that JKR put into her novels, and the Marauders were one of the greys that particularly made me happy. She didn't just make them these happy-go-lucky guys, but rather real people with flaws, who's actions had real consequences for them later on.
And I think you portrayed that wonderfully. I did like that you didn't make Sirius or James 'innocent' in the respect that their actions are what pushed Peter towards Voldemort, rather than him simply heading over there out of fear.
It is quite depressing when you consider the real innocents in this whole matter (Lily and Harry) and how thier lives were ruined because of three people's bad choices.
Author's Response: Thank you!
I loved it. The dinamic between Gidean and Fabian was wonderful, and I loved the banter that went on even in the darkest of times for them.
I also loved the way they kept going through different ideas for plans, and how you actually suggested ideas, rather than stating that the characters were thinking of something.
A lovely story overall.
Author's Response: Thanks very much. I\'m glad you liked it.
Beautifully written, I absolutly adored it. I loved the symbolic nature that the rain took on, and the contrast between Draco and Harry was pulled off brilliantly.
I think the word choice and sentence flow was pulled off quite well. A very beautiful piece, congradulations.
Author's Response: Thank you!
A beautiful piece! Were you, by chance, inspired by T.S. Eliot's The Hollow Men?
Ah! You've been accepted! *Hugs* I loved Beta'ing this, as another person's take on Albus and Scorpius is always interesting to see.
And I must say, I did really love the way it was Albus that was *truly* the Gryffindor and his family easily could have been fit for a different house. We saw many Slytherin traits in James (the elder) and his pranks.
Author's Response: Squee. I was so happy to get this validated because I was really proud of this story and how it turned out, and was annoyed that those silly mods didn\'t seem to agree. Thanks again for all your help and your wonderful beta-ing skills. woop, what fun!!
emma x x x
My own view on Dedalus is thus: If Mr. Weasly, who works with Muggle objects for a living, is impressed with Harry for knowing how to work a telephone then I don't see why Dedalus should be better with Muggle culture than he is.
Anyway, my own opinion on the matter.
Again, congratulations on getting another chapter accepted. (And so many positive reviews!) Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Good point :D
I'm so glad you got accepted. :D
This was a pleasure to Beta, and I hope the rest of your chapters go smoothly.
[And can I say, once again, that I *love* how Diggle reacts to the elevator? It is just so cute.
Elevators with memories. XD]
Author's Response: Thanks! I\'m glad I got a great Beta!
I'm so glad you got accepted. While Sirius isn't my favorite character in the world, but I still enjoyed your story. It is an interesting idea that once you die you wait for loved ones in Limbo until you can reconcile with them and move on.
Author's Response: Haha I\'m glad as well ;) I didn\'t even think of that idea really. It just happened when I was writing the fic. Thank-you!
Provolone is a pretty delicious sort of cheese as well. ;)
But, as always, this was a great chapter. I think you've managed to capture Severus' dialogue quite well. Good luck with future installments, I'll be waiting!
Author's Response: Ooh! I forgot about provolone...or couldn\'t remember how to spell it *scratches chin* Anyhoo...Thanks so much! I still have to get my act together and get the next installment to my betas O-:)
I'm so glad you've gotten accepted. I'll be honest, this was probably one of the more interesting stories to beta, as I've always been obsessed with symbolism of any kind. :D
Congratulations on a wonderful story. :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, and thanks so much for betaing this fic! I\'m glad you enjoyed it! Your feedback really helped.
What an adorable poem!
I have to agree that the rhythem was off in certain places, but at the same time it wasn't something so bad that it distracted from the rest of the poem.
Keep on writing, we always need more poets here at MNFF. :)
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!