Hello, you've reached a very long ago abandoned username. I still don't know why I haven't deleted this. Maybe I'm just lazy?
Anyway, I post under the name Aequitas. That's it, really.
If you visited here because you wanted to see A Secret Needed to be Shared or Ad Astra Per Aspera, you're about 3.097 billion years in the past - I deleted them a long time ago. I haven't rewritten them or anything. They died. Haha.
Summary: An Irish witch languishes in the darkness of her family home, confined by her father and circumstances. What will it take to bring her out of this exile? The chance to return to Hogwarts? The opportunity to participate in the fight against Voldemort and his Death Eaters? Or will it be Severus Snape, a man she did not expect to see again in her lifetime?
This is canon compliant to OoTP but written pre-HBP.
Reviews and constructive criticism are most welcome, and thanks go to Ashwinder who kindly beta read the chapters for me. :-)
Jan, I thought I'd review for you to let you know I'm still following this story - I'm just so eager to get to the next chapter, I don't review as often as I should. Well! I'm impressed, as always, at your excellent prose and ability to tell us this story, however imaginary it may be. The last few have been especially exciting, as things heat up between Maeve and Snape, and the prospect of getting married finally surfaces (!) and a journey to Abbeylara is undertaken. And also, it.... burns. Yeah. ;)Firstly, I have to say that 36 chapters along, I'm not at all discouraged by the length of your chapters anymore. :D It just means more excitement now. So... the beginning of the chapter. Roderick lent a lot more comic relief than I ever thought he would - you wrote him very, very well! "Now that half of that wall has fallen there is a rather splendid view of the entrance.” Wow. I laughed long and hard at that part, and all the other parts I won't quote for you. They'd take up most of review anyway. ;) I love Roderick against my better judgment. Now that I've confirmed whose side he's actually on (lol) it made me really sad to see him sacrifice himself on account of the vapour. But I have a question: why couldn't they summon the bottles using the Accio charm? I've reread that part, and there's nothing to stop them except that Roderick had to go somehow. Procuring the bottles wouldn't have enabled Maeve to escape, and the house wouldn't have stopped her.
Just a note on the spell Maeve uses about a third into the chapter (no, I'm NOT counting paragraphs) (:P), it's "Alohomora." I believe you got mixed up a bit at that part. It's more noticeable because it stands alone as a paragraph, so I thought I'd point that out.I really liked how you brought Harry back into the main plotline of the story, because he seemed to disappear in the shadow of Snape/Maeve. It wasn't too sudden, and his part is well played. His importance in this fiction has been brought out nicely. This is a bit too late, but I did like the scene between Harry and Snape, so reminiscent of the meeting in the Goblet of Fire, when Snape was absolutely intolerable of "Potter's" excuses.
One part I was confused at was the part when the harp was thrown out of the house. You may need to make it clearer that the bottles sailed out first, followed by the harp. I had to read that part again to make sure I understood the sequence of events.Harry? Best man? *mind still reels from news* That was certainly a shock! Excellent part --> Remus spluttered into his tea, sending milky droplets flying into the air. He quickly recovered himself and watched as Severus shot out of his chair in horror at the prospect of Harry being his best anything. Goodness, I laughed a lot over that one too. Nice one. But it does make sense, in a way. Maeve is their go-between, the one we know will be the stronger connection.
And you've outdone yourself with your explanation about the necklace and Abbeylara. I too was wondering where Neville was all this time, as I can definitely remember the chapter in which her true father appeared and told Maeve about her destiny and parentage. It all suddenly made perfect sense. That's the way I feel now. And the irony is almost overpowering - both that Harry still has the necklace, unknown to everyone but him, and that Maeve is but a pawn (if not a queen, LOL) in the game that the gods play, and that she was created only because of Voldemort. And just who could that mysterious person be? I guess I'll have to continue reading to find out! Don't worry, I most definitely will, and a great job on this chapter especially. Looking forward to more reading!
*blink* Um, wow. And Jan takes the trophy for longest chapter ever posted on MNFF! LOL. It was long, but it wasn't boring at all - I never stopped reading until I got the end. (Accomplishment, eh? ;) ) I knew it was going to get to this point eventually - Maeve and Snape marrying! Yay!First scene between Harry and Snape: very nice. Both were in character, but their emotions were obviously heightened to fit the situation. And later, the walking to the chapel was perfect; I couldn't believe how you got to the conclusion so well. It played out just the way I didn't imagine it - you surprised me there! But I'm not saying it wasn't believable, just had an unexpected twist.
Ah, the chapel. The description just made me sigh to think of nature overrunning the place and making it perfect. (Well, nature helped by magic, but oh well.) The outdoors brought in fit Maeve, and I suppose Snape too, since now they're "one soul." There will be sacrifices along the way of marriage, to be sure. And I liked the PoV from Neville. He still fears Snape, but not that day. *grin* LOL... "Oh no! I have to sing? Those Muggle customs..." ;)Finn really did make me laugh. I was sort of confused at the beginning, which just made it better, when I realised that the guy wasn't actually senile... at least, completely senile, haha. Felicia is introduced a bit late, don't you think? Maybe it's just foreshadowing for your sequel. Lupin seemed a bit too friendly. Wouldn't he at least be wary of the bubbly, laughing girl? It's almost as if they know each other from before.
Wow. Remus broke my heart with the conflict from Maeve... then having him hand her over! True, they will stay brother and sister now, but I can't help feeling sorry that it's not Maeve who is his... soul mate, true love, whatever the correct term is. Hopefully Felicia comes up more, then! (Psst... that's a nudge. Include her! If you haven't already, that is.)Great, now I'm going out of order. But it's so sudden to see Hermione as the maiden of honor (it's what it sounds like), and Fred and George as ushers. Can we see anything from Maeve's point of view? I know there's justification, just include it. It's an odd mental image to see the twins as ushers, and even Hermione a bridesmaid, at that age. Maeve doesn't have much of a choice, but I'd like to see more of her.
So they finally ended up together. So sad to see this story come (almost) to an end, but you'd better write that sequel! Post Epilogue III and I'll be happy, at least. Yay, Jan! Your story is a true epic and beautiful from start to finish. I really enjoyed reading through it.
Author's Response: Thanks for another super-long review, Caren. :-) Remus and Felicia. Do you think it was sudden? I know Remus is fairly thoughtful but I've never seen him as being a total wallflower. When he meets Felicia he just sees her as a nice person with a bit of a spark about her. I don't think Remus could articulate any other feelings he might have felt, he's too preoccupied with Maeve and the wedding to spot one of supid's arrows, even when it scores a direct hit! At this moment in time I'm not sure how big a part she will play in the sequel, but she wil be there. Will she be with Remus? You'll have to wait and see what the fates have in store! :-)
I agree with you to a degree about Hermione being the bridesmaid but Maeve wasn't the one to ask her. Maeve became a member of SPEW and it's concievable that she then went on to spend a bit more time with hermione because of this. That would have been noted when the plans were made. And, as you said, Maeve doesn't really have a lot of options, does she? Poor friendless girl! LOL
Initially, when I was planning the wedding, I thought about a woodland scene and then I realised that Severus would hate it, really hate it, so we went for the idea of a Muggle wedding being en vogue and the chapel emerged, with its natural adornments. I thought it managed the best of both worlds.
I've been reading through your story, and it's taken me a couple of days, considering I only have time to read a few chapters a day. It is amazing. I don't think I can write 6000-word chapters, but the length never bothered me - the story held me in all the way through. I love your plot line, because it shows evidence of your incredible ability as a writer. I always thought I hated Snape/OC, but I'll never hate Maeve's and Snape's relationship. Critique! Your vocabulary is excellent. I come across words I don't know - and that's good, because it shows the quality of your work. There really isn't much I can say about grammar, etc. because it's just the occasional comma and marks that must have been left over by betas. The flow and fluency of your sentences were very nice; if a sentence had five phrases, I hardly noticed, because it never got too wordy. I loved the tie-in with Alice Longbottom and the bubble gum. At first, I thought it was too trivial, but I really have to admire the way it corresponds to the plot. I love this story, keep updating! I'm not going to change the rating below, because this story deserves a 10.
I don't want to sound repetitive, but your story is high quality at the least. I liked the bubble gum recipe... I can connect to it after learning about the horrifying stuff in Jello and makeup. I especially liked the first POV from the trio. You need more of that, because the voice is so refreshing. The scene with Filch really made me laugh. JKR hardly ever describes him but I liked your description! Now the words Rampton Court have an ethereal feel to them after reading the details of the appearance. Roderick's red cloak always gave me chills - it reminds of vampires. Hopefully, he's not that much of a traitor. I'd better go read the next chapter before I burst with excitement.
Summary: It's Harry Potter’s sixth school year and the world is under the impending menace of Lord Voldemort and his pitiless Death Eaters. A new teacher arrives to Hogwarts. Will it be another candidate for the DADA post? New friendships and love affairs sprang up under Albus Dumbledore’s benevolent gaze. A private Yule Ball. More bloody writing on the wall and a Muggle-born involved. Snape’s life is in great danger. The Second War begins. Who will be the winner?
Yes, an update! I was beginning to think you'd given up on your story, and that made me sad; your story's really good. The only thing I'll ever disagree about is the fact that Snape is rich and brought up better than he would have in poverty. However, Alexandra is so interesting! Keep updating, please!
"Love is unexplainable. There are no words for it. You can’t express why you feel so. It just happens," James said. "“Don’t you think that if I had the choice I would have chosen to love someone who didn’t hate me in return?”
“No,” Sirius said simply.
“You’re right.” James said, sighing. “I’m so screwed up, Padfoot.”
The drama-filled romantic tale of Lily and James's mysterious but unfortunate tale. It started with love and ended with death. It makes you wonder about the things they tried to live for. Pre-HBP
Here's a Kill Cole and Kill Venus review... die, wicked people! At least Cole has a heart... but it shall be his downfall! *laughs evilly* Your story is awesome *(times) eternity (too lazy to write it all out). Lily, come back! Poor James, just defending those he loves. Run, Katy! Okay, there's my crazy moment talking to nonexistant people. A ten!
Yeah well, I didn't see that coming. But I love it all the same! Ooh, I can't wait to see how this is going to turn out! But then again, it's the second to last chapter. Hm... I love how all the relationships are turning out - Remus and Katy, Halle and Sirius, Lily and James. I think there should have been more of Remus and Katy in there, even though they might not the focus of the story. All he did was smile at her. Aren't they close enough to do more? Maybe a peck on the cheek? The "gossip mill" was a good idea. And McGonagall's response to Katy's outburst was letter-perfect. It was exactly what she would have done, considering her reaction to Umbridge being driven out of the school. There's not much I can say, except that this was an excellent chapter.
With all those questions, I'll be here until next week. But here goes: Favorite quote and part/chapter: Can I cheat on this one and say the entire fic? Because I loved the entire thing, start to finish. Favorite canon character: Lily! And Sirius. They're both givens. Favorite OC: I have to say Katy. She is my supergirl. Most hated villain: Venus Adams, because she was so chillingly real. Plus she's evil. Next fic: Harry. That's it. Favorite couple: With another fic, I would say Lily/James without a second thought. But I liked Sirius/Halle in this one. Story-related pet peeve: Hm, I can't think of anything. You update quickly, your chapters aren't too short, you write everybody IC, your villains are completely evil. Oh yeah, "Sybll." If you mention Trelawney in your next fic, make sure her name is spelled correctly: Sybil. After an entire chapter with her and Lily, it got a bit irritating. Ignore if you like; I highly doubt she's going to appear anyway. And hurry up and write the sequel! It'll be like waiting for the Half-Blood Prince!
That was highest quality chapter I have seen so far in this story! It was amazing. If I tried to put all my favorite quotes here, I'd have to copy and paste the entire chapter! Truly amazing. Everyone's actions were very realistic, and I didn't find anyone who did anything for no reason. My favorite part is with Dumbledore at the end. He is so very smart! And wise. You wrote that scene - and the whole chapter - very well. A ten.
Yes, ma'am. So glad this chapter is up! LIly and James made up perfectly. No awkwardness. You've really got this relationship thing down pat! And poor Katy - I hope she doesn't have to die. But it's too bad for Cole that James will be waiting in the Room of Requirement. *cackles evilly* A ten for an excellent chapter (and story).
Summary: "Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs...Noble men, working tirelessly to help a new generation of lawbreakers." -- The first instalment of the "Complete User Guide to Marauding." Sets down the general beginnings of what was to be an unbreakable friendship among four boys. The marauders in their first year, ah, is as expected to be filled with pranks, detention, full moons, and incidents with a new foe, Snape, as they grow as friends, and come to accept certain differences between them. As said before, all in a days work for the marauders. Please R&R
Awww... it's over? *wipes away a tear* Oh well, at least there's a sequel. Excellent story! I'm waiting to read your next one.
Rated: [Reviews - ]
Excellent story! Well-thought out and not like the two-chapter crap you see sometimes... anyway, I hope you update soon cuz it's great! Keep writing.
Author's Response: Thank you- the next chapter has been submitted, so it's just a question of whether the mods approve it or not. Cross you fingers that they do!
Yes, an update! This is a great story - don't make me wait so long to read a new chapter! :P Yeah, anyway, it was VERY well-written! A ten!
Here is a review, your Royal Highness... *sighs, oppressed under a tyrant* Nah, j/k! I really, really liked the scene between Ana and Liz. You communicated the emotions so well! "Ana! SHUT UP!" Haha, so funny... I love Liz now. And Evan is so good for Ana... you know, be really steady and stabilizing. Overall, very nice. I was so glad to see an update!
Author's Response: Lol, thank you for leaving a review!! I'm glad to hear that the scene went well...i was a bit worried about it, so thanks again.
Summary: Sad and lonely Harry stumbles on a room that holds a very large secret. He awakes the next morning to find that he is definately not at Hogwarts anymore. Where is he? He has no clue, but the truth could help him greatly through certain hard times. PleaseRR (AU)
I really loved this chapter, it was so nicely written. I'll miss Reign and Sirius, as well as Lily and James, but what I really liked is how you showed Harry mature. It's so important, and the pace was neither too fast or slow. On the whole, an excellent addition to your story.
Author's Response: Thank you. There's only going to be one more chapter after this and then, Das ist alles.
Summary: Sirius returns miraculously from behind the veil, uncovering a secret that's remainded hidden for too long and was obviously not supposed to be found...He undertakes the task of trying to fix the mistake he made all those years ago on Halloween night
Bloody brilliant, as Ron would say. That's one of the best cliffhangers I've read (seen?) so far. The suspense is killing me... update soon!
Author's Response: I think my only skill in writing is cliffhangers :p
Truly amazing. It was the work of a professional-sounding author... what more can I say? I liked the "Morsmorde" idea - it clicks and makes sense. Even though I'm sad Arianna is gone, it allows me to dissect your story. :) It really shows that many attempts to change a fate are futile. But I bet that Peter has a very different mindset now that he has gone free, even though it was only because of another distraction. I can't wait to see what happens next - Voldemort's attack on the school, the general aftereffects on everyone, and how Harry will face the Dark Lord. Emily had better not die, though! And I really hope the Ministry will be competant. Don't we all?
Author's Response: ha! the ministry? competant? :p I doubt it! I'm really glad you're enjoying it so much still :D
Awesome story I must say...very well-written and thought-out! If it hasn't you're a genius. ;) Love your characters- they're very true and the relationships are cute. Hoping to see what's next.
Author's Response: yes, this is a long time in coming, so I'm glad you like it :)
I love this story, it's one of my very favorites. A huge cliffhanger? Where's Arianna? What will happen? Waiting for an update, post it soon!
Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you like it so much! Stay with me!
I read this story more often that others because I love your plot to no end. Actually, I love your many, fascinating plots full of life (and canon). (Yay!) You do a wonderful job of keeping all of your characters in check, and keeping them from freaking out into Ecstatic!Sirius and Suicidal!Remus. And Sobbing!Harry and Senile!Dumbledore. Sorry, but I'm so tired of seeing people OOC. Thanks for writing IC.At the very beginning, the point of view was weird. Later, you italicize Sirius' thoughts. If these are Sirius' exact thoughts, then go ahead and format it so. If they're a generalization, then change the "you" to "one." For example, "It is strange how in such a short period of time, one's life could take a complete 180 degree turn..." It was also relate more to the reader. ...partially opened portrait of a dancing Centaur. In the fifth paragraph, make sure you don't capitalize "centaur." "It was such a shock, such a..." pause. Capitalize "pause." There were some more errors like that. Make sure not to capitalize "godson" and do capitalize "mum." Dumbledore walked away then, leaving Remus alone with his thoughts, his gaze still fixated out the door. Remus' gaze should be "fixed beyond the door."
“Because when you stop, so will any chance you have to make it better.” That summed the chapter up very nicely. I also liked the part in the middle with James and Sirius talking about Harry. To say that Harry doesn't tell Sirius those kind of things is true. And Remus' claustrophobia linked to his werewolf "side" is a very interesting observation. Don't stop writing! I advocate your story as a good example of fanfiction, because it is! Nice job, and on to the next chapter.