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LilmissBrit [Contact]

Hola! Thanx for checking out my new bio....I'm assuming you meant to, seeing as you're reading this, wherever you are, whoever you are, but I ramble.

I've decided that when I'm older I'm definitely either am going to become the next Garfield, although I'm not sure someone would want to obey my every word and pay for my upkeep just on the grounds that I'm evil, or I'm going to be god. No, seriously, a god. All you have to do is get a massive space ship and fly to Atiyuoj...where they think all humans are gods. Yeah, I know, I know...what idiots they are on Atiyuoj, but hey, where there's an opportunity - why not take it? Some people just deserved to be exploited...

Always remember: life is the unexpected. So, if you don't expect it, it is bound to happen. I have drawn the conclusion that as I do not expect Magorian to exist outside the Harry Potter fan fic, he does. Just in a different unvierse....

I was born into a snobbish family in Britain...but when we moved to Detroit when I was threeish those damned Americans completely corrupted me, and voila, you have the random yet evil yet godly person that is MOI as opposed to a snobbish private school twat who I would have invariably turned out to be....

Check out my story Harry Potter, Lord Voldemort and the Writer's block! R and R, I personally think it needs some work and I'd like some feedback!

Annie likes: ScabbersSaysSqueak05, slytheringal, imo, The Savant, Hermione's_Revenge, SecretLily...

Annie hates....People who bitch about things they don't understand. Yall know who I'm talking about, and if you don't, I'm sure you know somebody like this...
PS: And if you die of a heart attack while reading it? Wasn' me, buddy, wasn' me.

I'm Mrs. Sirius Black

The HP Male Marriage Quiz
made by Sapphire.

Anyhoo...Mrs. Sirius Black. I like the sound of it. Unfortunately, I have grasped (somehow, someway) that HP is not in actual fact real, so I cannot logically be Mrs. Sirius Black. Unless, of course, Sirius did not die when he went behind the veil...he was simply stuck in cyber space! MY KINGDOM FOR A NEW SIRIUS THEORY!

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Stories by LilmissBrit [2]
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LilmissBrit's Favorites [15]
Reviews by LilmissBrit

Quirrell by The Savant

Rated: 1st-2nd Years • 24 Reviews
Summary: What did Quirell do that infamous day in Book 1? My first story, please read and review.
Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 04/19/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

OMG! You've opened up...a new world. Spying. Not evading. So simple, yet *sniff* so poignant. (Doesn't that word totally remind you of "pig" and "gnat"?) As you can clearly see, my artistic side is blooming. And now, to spy.....HEY! This isn't a mind reading machine! This is a barbie! Wait...ah, I see now. It is a mind reading machine MASQUERADING as a barbie...very clever...now, how do I work this model? It says on the back that I can dress Barbie up in surf clothes for a surfing party with Ken and all my other My Scene friends. *Ten minutes later* SO: Barbie. Gimme the deal on Russia...what do you mean you'd rather play with Ken? I don't care if you think he's the hottest thing in plastic. DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK. Yes, I know you want to make out with Ken and I can understand you're somewhat disabled due to crappy designing but come on. You can go to Russia and see cute guys....hey, wait a second...this really IS a barbie! And no refund? Why I oughta...well, hell, if you can't beat em, join em. I might as well get Ken and Barbie married in Hawaii...*continues to play with Barbie* The moral of the story is, giving idiotic spies toys iz a fery ztoopid thanh ta doo. Dey ollso cont sbel. Cee. Jast lic thez.

Author's Response: I thought the moral of the story was, "There is nothing sadder than a lonely, crying midget."

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/14/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

What sort of idiot silk tie goes to a dish washer? OOH! One with a multiple personality disorder...a silk tie who thinks she's a knife. Is the metaphor for a girl with schizophrenia who hates one-shots. God, this is getting confusing. Why didn't the spachelor help her out? I tell you why! Because that idiot plate was in the way. They were all like, "Get out of the way, there's some moronic tie in here..." but the plate wouldn't move. So, the silk tie got chewed up. True story. Good thing it was my cousin, not me. Armani, as well. *Shame*

Author's Response: What the hell is a spachelor? Are you trying to say "spatula"?

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/16/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

A) It isn't that different B) If I'm allowed to say spachelor I will C) You pssibly are right and it might be spatula, however my spelling of kitchen items is atrocious. D) I like the story. E) I'm a tie.

Author's Response: I looked up spachelor in the dictionary. It doesn't come up. Yet the word "ducky" does. Which must mean I'm right . Hehe. Ducky.

Author's Response: I just realized how stupid that response I gave was. Forgive me, I'm not on the top of my game today. Let it be stricken off the record. A) You're right, I was overreacting. B)But you're never allowed to say never. C)You think that's atrocious? Try typing "How many skins can a skinthinner thin if a skinthinner could thin skins" ten times fast. D) Thank you. I was thinking of a sequel, with Quirrell in purgatory. What would you think of that idea? E) And I'm The Savant. Oh wait, I am The Savant. I keep thinking my name is Ondorbgo the Cranky. I knew it didn't roll off the tongue well. I've got to stop those drunken nights of revelry and vodka with emaleth...

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/17/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

DUCKY IS IN THE DICTIONARY? OMG, freak out...but, then again, I have a dictionary that doesn't have the word troglodyte in it (a massive oversight - I love that word). Anyways, yah, Q-Man (my new name for him) could spent time in the Purg (have you noticed my exuberant use of brackets?! It's very fun) but...if Voldemort is evil....then who the hell is the Devil??? LIGHTBULB! Voldemort's father...but then again, who was the Devil before him? And him? Psh. I'm not clued up on Biblical matters. Now listen to me and hear me well: about this vodka business. Now, if you were British I would say get drunk, it's legal. However, you are in America, so it's twenty one, and really, you should be getting HIGH or crashing into poles with your damn car. That's what my brother did. Yup, he was with a girl at the time...LOL I'll never let him live it down. We could do Q-Man in the Purg: The Movie I call executive producer. *10* because you make me smile with your work...but ties can't smile. Darn.

Author's Response: Worry not- the elsusive Tie Snake, besides looking like a tie, has a nother characteristic unique to snakedomkind: the ability to smile. Learn how to do it from him. In my canon, there are no actual deities; there is just Magic, and The Powers that be. Thus, there is no Devil or Satan or any equivalent thereof, nor is there a God, per se, but there is a universal, orderkeeping force some alien races call the Cold Grey. What's the legal drinking age in Britain (or rather, the UK)? I'd love to get drunk and make Q-Man in the Purg: The Movie with you. (After all, that's the only way you can make a movie. By the way, these are parentheses. [These are brackets.]) You can be the exec if you want. I however, will take one the most prestigious job in the movie industry- foley artist! My favorite word is quodlibet. Look it up if you wish.

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/23/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

A) Canada is too cold. I will accept the offer if it was to buy Mexico, AND to make all Mexicans speak English because I can't be assed to learn Spanish all that well (el monstro pequeno es en mi dormitorio. AIEEE! Por que no hablo espanol?) B) I want that hay stack thing but I guess you don't realise how terrible I am at getting paid. Firstly, I have to remember to ask for a fee. Secondly, most don't want to give me a fee, as I have just humiliated them by correcting them. C) Do you possess a mind-reading machine for under $276? It would really help.

Author's Response: Mind-reading machine? For under $276?! You must be crazy. [argues with store manager] Of course we have one!!! Half off if you get the coupon in the Chamber of Secrets. Don't be alarmed if the label says "NOT A MIND-READING MACHINE". That's just those dastardly Canadians playing mind tricks on you. There is a mind-reading device inside that package, not a Barbie I found in a dumpster, as those wily illusionists would have you believe. That'll be $275.99. Erm, paid immediately. Before you show the product to anyone else, preferably. In fact, just send us a check right now. Remember our slogan: You will never recieve any refunds from us. [manager whcaks upside the head] That, and "You come in wanting to evade notice. You leave wanting to spy."

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/13/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

Because there's no more. And then I can't get dragged into the plot slowly and subtly. With one shots, it's like I'm sucked into a washing machine, completely pulverised by the plot amazingly, then chucked back in again. I'm a very expensive silk....thing....and I need to be carefully washed, preferably by hand, at a temperature of - wait a second. Wait, no, no, I can remember what I was talking about. OH YES! I'm like a silk tie. I need to be washed carefully yet thoroughly so I can come out looking the best. Being battered around by an intense washing machine with anxiety issues just frays me. Okay?

Author's Response: Oh yes, I understand entirely now. I too love to curl up in the washing machine and just let loose- it relaxes me. Just stay away from those dishwashers. I've heard they're terrible teases. Sometimes a story needs brevity. Remember, it's the soul of wit.

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/21/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

Clearly, I am a spy who deals in digging up misconceptions and unearthing them to those she sees fit. Occasionally she asks for a fee. It keeps slipping her mind. She can often be seen supposedly reading a newspaper, but as it has a 4cmx4cm square cut out in the middle of it, most people look at her strangely. As soon as she can afford it, she will buy herself a spy camera. Until then, she will continue looking for that golden needle in the sadistically large haystack...wherever it may be...

Author's Response: Worry not! Here at the Conspicuously Nonsecretly-Located Spy Emporium, we carry two-way newspapers (you can see through it, others can't) and, inexplicably, a machine specially made to sift through hay and find needles ($379.99). We also sell sound-recording hairpins and a wide variety of portable grappling hooks. For a limited time only, buy ten Translating Earmuffs and win a 1 in a billion chance to buy Canada, or half its retail value in cash.

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/20/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

All part of a day's work...*goes off whistling*...of being a spy who is absolutely keeping her lip shut...

Author's Response: What kind of spy are you? The Stratego spy, the 007 kind of spy, the ninja or the Peter Parker's parents kind of spy, or the Inspecter Gadget kind of spy?

Author's Response: What kind of spy are you? The Stratego spy, the 007 kind of spy, the ninja, the Peter Parker's parents kind of spy, or the Inspecter Gadget kind of spy?

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/15/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot


Author's Response: But "spachelor" is VERY different. Are you sure it isn't spatula?

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/10/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

“WHAT? YOU’VE LOST OUR WAND AND YOU CAN’T FLY? YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A PUREBLOOD, YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE A MUGGLE RIGHT NOW!” “Well, I can jump really high...” said Quirrell in a small voice. Funny! I like it. You should STOP WRITING ONE SHOTS. Write a good story, like Magorian, which I can get into instead of infuriating me with one shots. I'm so important. Get over it. Or, rather, don't get over it.

Author's Response: I only have two one-shots (though I am planning more). Why do they enrage you so?

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/18/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

Executive Producer is a fancy schmancy title that basically involves doing nothing but saying "That's rubbish. Take it back to the drawing board" and getting a lot of money. Most excellent. The drinking age is *shock* 5 in the UK...but buying alcohol is something like 16, and drinking it in a pub is in some cases 18, but others 21...driver's license at 17 and sex and cigarettes at 16. My law is not too good but hey. And you've got to go to the Netherlands to get high. This snake dude sounds a bit obscure and snooty for my taste. At least I (in my metaphorical state) have some actual use. I complain about plates blocking my view..s.p.a.t.u.l.a.s and the spelling and about how I get chewed up into teensy pieces. Chapter 11 may not knock my socks off. Well, maybe the ones I'm wearing as earmuffs but I'm not wearing any other socks. I'm exec. No-one else. Just me. Because I'm so special I get to complain and do nothing but be on the film anyway. And give Magorian his own website. If I find out how to do that...

Author's Response: Shhh! Don't say that country around my fic! The one that starts with an "N". Not only does it sap Dumbledore of his strength, but it makes Finland jealous.

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/19/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

Fine...the country that has Holland in it (Holland is not another word for the N country, it is in the N country. A common misconception) is where you go to get high. Not that I've done that...

Author's Response: Really? I thought Holland was just another name for the "N" country. Thanks for reconceptionizing me.

Croaker by The Savant

Rated: 1st-2nd Years • 16 Reviews
Summary: A day in the life of Edmund Croaker, Unspeakable extraordinaire!
Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/04/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

Wow! When you write, you really think it out well...I really enjoyed it, it was a pretty unusual spin but I liked it. Not the usual! Excellent, 10!

Author's Response: Actually, I didn't really plan out Croaker. Most of it was improvised. Thanks for the 10, I gave all your chapters 10's too.

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/06/05 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

Thank you, then!

Author's Response: You're welcome. .emoclew er'uoY Ou'reyay elcomeway. U'yero woelemc.

Magorian by The Savant

Rated: 1st-2nd Years • 131 Reviews
Summary: Lowbrow. High-concept. Medium rare. Magorian's back, and he's here to stay! A/N: All right, who stole all my exclamation points!?
Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 04/19/05 Title: Chapter 11: Of Lice and Fen

No, hon, your calculations are all wrong. If I get the Arctic it's a 50/50 split. You've also got another thing wrong - WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT SPONSORS? What will I do? Huh? What? Will? I? Do? I need them...there's this one guy, Kwame, gorgeous ass, who's in charge of finance at JP Morg...hey, wait a second, why am I telling you this? Well, to paraphrase a perverted story about a talk over finance that took place in a broom closet, the moral of the story is that I need my sponsors. NOW! That's right - I will pay you $37486070489372.59372859 to send whatever military you have or will acquired to I Am Ripping You Off Company; 6476 Franklin Avenue; Downham; Essex; England. I also find it insulting that you are insinuating that I might pay with monopoly money! Mister, if you keep this up I'll just find somebody else to send me an army of 3000000000 people. That's not exactly a lot - there's gotta be that many lying around SOMEWHERE. Yeah, you're getting a sweet deal, you betcha. Appreciate it. Now get to work. I need em by Monday to hunt for my lost sponsors. They have to be brought back live, unfortunately, because dead people can't sign checks. NOW GET TO WORK! Your boss, from the I Am Ripping You Off Company.

Author's Response: That is quite a lot of money. I would gladly send you my army, A.K.A my pet monkey with a pair of scissors, but there's a slight dilemma. I'm in jail. And I can't get out. Oh, how lovely it would be with my monkey... it's so lonely here. If only someone could spring me out. [Stares at you and whispers "Mogadishu Penitentiary, cell block eighteen, the one without all the piercings"] And get me some pistacchio ice cream while you're at it.

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/14/05 Title: Chapter 10: O She of Shadows

Fine, okay. New idea to keep the squirrel fanatic in with the metaphor. Squirrels...are unexpected to be included wearing smarkly red Moulin Rouge suits in the next Harry Potter film. But, as life is the unexpected, they clearly will be, if not here, in a parallel universe....my physics is so good, it's out of this world. No, seriously, it is. It's so good my teachers can't understand it.

Author's Response: Squirrels in Moulin Rouge suits? Oh god, where did I put the chloroform!? [Transform into serious, unfunny debator form. It has the sound the Transformers make when they transform. Sort of sounds like "e-o-uh-a-e-e" but not really It's hard to type. Well, you know the sound. Anyway.] Your logic is unintelligible. First off, there's no guarantee that that there even are parallel universes. Second of all, even if there were, Moulin Rouge probably wouldn't exist in the universe with the sentient squirrels. [revert back.] Did you know that Jesus was actually born in Poughkeepsie to an air traffic controller named Mandy? Just thought you ought to know.

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 02/27/05 Title: Chapter 9: Game, Set and Match

You got a 400 review cannon? Huh. And I thought I was cool with my 800 review cannon. Yours must be the prototype that I heard so much about over vacation. Mine cost me one hundred bucks. Quite cheap for a massive evil weapon that could quite possibly destroy the world.

Author's Response: Ha! Yours costed $100? Mine only cost $85!... Plus $14.99 shipping and handling and tax.

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 02/27/05 Title: Chapter 9: Game, Set and Match

You got a 400 review cannon? Huh. And I thought I was cool with my 800 review cannon. Yours must be the prototype that I heard so much about over vacation. Mine cost me one hundred bucks. Quite cheap for a massive evil weapon that could quite possibly destroy the world.

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/16/05 Title: Chapter 10: O She of Shadows

Yes, they do, because when a star explodes 96% of the matter can be calculated, however some matter appears to go into the black hole...of course, black holes are where there is no light, so we can't tell whether there is another universe on the other side...which leads me to Plan B, in which case squirrels in moulin rouge suits are trapped inside cyber space.

Author's Response: You've converted me; I will mindlessly squabble no further. "Find the Moulin Rouge space squirrels, give them electric guitars, and make them agree to form a rock band with Trogdor called "The Outlandish Puppeteers" and make an intergalactic tour" is now third on my to-do list. Right after "Find the Golden Fleece" (Damn my decision to become an Argonaut!) and "Find new way to power death cannon". (If you don't know who Trogdor is, go to www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html, come back, and pretend you did.) This just in- a breaking news report! Apparently, chapter 11 is going to knock everyone's socks off! Including the ones on their hands. (Don't deny it.) The Savant, according to the latest details, is collaborating with emaleth to make it. The first half of the chapter will be all him, then it will be handed to her, so that I, er, I mean he won't know what will happen with the chapter! Stay tuned for more coverage on the startling occurence! Adieu.

Reviewer: LilmissBrit Signed
Date: 03/17/05 Title: Chapter 10: O She of Shadows

Oh...the one who's madly in love with you....what sort of muppet are you to become an argonaut? I mean, honestly. Also: I like being Miss Piggy. I'm not that fat or ugly (the mirror in Snow White said I was the fairest of them all. She might have been just talking to Snow White, now that I think about it...) but it's just a great excuse to slap people and be conceited. You can be elmo. Have fun with the collaboration...

Author's Response: What sort of Muppet am I to become an Argonaut? Uncle Deadly, of course! (Best muppet ever.)