I'll keep it short.
I live in Barcelona, Spain. I'm Catalan. I like Maths and Engineering. I love classical music. I dance folk. And I'm a book-addict.
I can't get enough sci-fi or fantasy. I love all of Orson-Scott Card stories. And the other classics (Lord of the Rings, Fundation, Earthsea, Michael Ende's and so many more), of course.
Oh, and I'm a PI Beta Reader.
MissyQuill (go read her stories now), one of my wonderful writers, made this. She rocks!
I'm writing a story about Dumbledore, the Merpeople and World War II. It will explain why Dumbledore had a crooked nose, when he learnt Mermish and some things about his brother Aberforth. I also like writers like Frederick Forsyth or Dominicque Lapierre, so I unashamedly borrowed some of their ideas, as well as JK's. The resulting chaos is mine. The brilliance is theirs (and of my beta, Mortalus).
Hermione for Minister!
Incredible speech. I loved every part of it. And the rest of the story, too. I particularly loved "She had always been so attentive, but so much had changed". I say, that's an indication of growing-up.
Thank you for your wonderful story. In Spanish there's an expression: "Lo bueno, si corto, dos veces bueno", which translates more or less literally to: "Good things, if kept short, twice better". And that's my view of this story.
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I\'m glad you enjoyed the story, and thank you for leaving a review.
I got caught up by the title. You know your alliterations well.
And then by the story. But I'm not fooled. You're not only a writer, you're a painter. A few strokes here, some shadows there, voilą, a wonderful landscape.
Although, that's not enterely accurate, isn't it? I wouldn't suggest that your style is casual. Well, it is, at first glance. But the detail is so precisely handled, so suggestive and carefully delivered, that it's hard to believe it's there on a whim.
Yet you don't fall in the trap of exhaustiveness, in the sense that the human eye looking at your paintings will not see all there is to see without the help of the brain. You don't need to say, for instance, that Nott knows Lucas is Malfoy's son. You had already informed us that father and son resemble. And then, after an "intense gaze" at Lucas, "a knowing look" shows in Nott's face.
And your portraits are so convincing. I can't but love Lucas in his calm acceptance of his irrelevancy and when the calm is subtly lost (a hand gripping a glass, at a loss for words) when turmoil enters his life.
I've found it a lovely and thoughtful story. The only discordant note I was able to find was the use of "half-blood" in Lucius's lips when referring to Part-Veela instead of Part-Muggle. I guess it is a permissible license, but, shouldn't it be "half-breed"?
I'll follow your updates - you definitely go to my favorites.
Author's Response: Thank you for such a wonderful review, Maxim! I\'m absolutely flattered by your praise, and I will definitely look into your very valid point about \"half-bloods\" vs \"half-breeds\". Again, thank you so much!
Mmmm, I wonder, what kind of "protective" magic will Harry use on the house? Where did he learn it? Is it powerful enough?
I've found confusing some things. For instance, was the language that Harry used to retaliate and insult his uncle absolutely necessary? And the subsequent paragraphs, where Harry rants about him being in athletic shape and threatens Vernon in a physical way?
I can accept that people like Vernon Dursley only attend to reason when they are being intimidated. But this can be done in more subtle ways. I'm thinking of the end of Book 5, where the Order gangs up against him to give support to Harry. Besides, Vernon's strong point has never been cleverness, and Harry himself has outsmarted him sometimes. I think that would be insult enough.
Also, after all that he has been through, Harry has learnt a lot of self-control. He would know better than to snap at the first gibe from Vernon.
I particularly liked the sentence Harry says, the one about Vernon presuming Harry to be heartless. I think it shows a spark of the maturity that Harry has been acquiring through time and experience.
I also didn't understand how "security on the house" relates with "so I can leave quickly" and "the Ministry". Does that mean that just before his birthday, a security officer from the Ministry will be sent to escort Harry to wherever it is that he needs to go afterwards? Wouldn't that give away information to the Ministry about what are Harry's (and Dumbledores's) plans? How come Harry is in such good terms with the Ministry?
Finally, I found strange that it is Dudley who asks the last question (and admits that the Dursleys have not cared for Harry all the well they should in such an euphemistic way). I guess Harry is not the only one that has grown up lately.
On non-plot issues, I liked a lot your swift prose, although I would have liked a bit more of description, especially when the characters are talking in the middle of emotionally charged situations (but, as this review amply shows, I'm not a fan of brevity, so my personal taste may be a bit biased).
An intriguing start. I'll follow the story.