This story has wonderful, wonderful characters, and I love how the plot between them all is developing. However, dialogue/monologue like "Becoming Deputy Headmaster would definitely put me on the path to happiness” only weakens your wonderful story. "The path to happiness" is nondescriptive and super-trite - and this story is too good to get bogged down in triteness. Triteness is for people with no imagination, and you are clearly not one of those people!! Please resist the temptation to use unhelpful language like that - your story and your readers will only benefit.
Thank you and keep up the delicious storytelling!!
Author's Response: Thank you for your honesty. As my betas keep telling me, my writing is improving, so I do hope that you\'ll see a difference in the later chapters. Thanks for the review. :)
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you for a new chapter! This is such good writing - and all your facts are accurate, down to the incongruous vicar. Also, you are telling the story on a small level: small details that make the story live. Most fic writers (I find) forget to do that, focusing instead either on summarizing canon (boring) or plot twists and turns (boring if the characters aren't brought out). You have not ever succumbed to any of that. You have the lightest and most loving hand with this world/characters/set of events that I have ever encountered, and I only wish - well, two things: one, that you'd write more faster, and two, that you'd write your very own copyrighted publishable stuff. I would snap it up and buy copies for all my friends. You are a wizard with text!!!!!
Author's Response: Aw, shucks. And -- working on it! Thanks!
Oh, VV, you have done it again. You do it every time. You are amazing. It is the tiny, tiny details, the tiny thoughts of Severus' mind, that make your story so savor-able. Mmm. I savor every chapter of every story - and, I must admit, I have reread several chapters of this one, just to taste them again!!!
You rock my world. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write a book. I know it takes money to hide away & write - but please find a way to do it!!!!!!!!
(I also realize that it is nothing short of EVIL to use multiple exclamation points. But surely there is a loophole for Muppets, and people like them. I am very Muppety ... so perhaps you will forgive the prolif. of punctuaysh.???) [a little phoneticness there ... just feeling whimsical ... sorry!]
Another exquisite installation. WHEN are you going to write something publishable/profitable? You are magnificent!!!
Author's Response: Aw. *blush* I\'m working on it. But the fanfic feeds the publishable/profitable, so hopefully the synergy will keep working. Thanks!
Such good dialogue! I can hear two boys saying things like this to each other, I really can. Especially Tyler being so stoked about being abused by magic - so adolescent-male. Wonderful job!!
Author's Response: Thanks! Having been a teenaged boy myself not too terribly long ago, I still remember the sorts of things they would say. And you\'re right: Tyler\'s reaction to magic is VERY adolescent male. Excellent way to put it.
THAT WAS BRILLIANT. Are you quite sure you're as young as you claim?? Sorry, not to be ageist, but DAMN that's some good writing. All your fics are wonderfully well-written - and funny - and totally in character for the canon characters - and completely engaging. I'm a fan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you. I\'m definitely fifteen, I swear. And about nine months. I guess I\'ve just had a lot of practise! Thanks so much, I\'m glad you\'re a fan of my writing! And also that you chose this one to review, since it\'s the neediest ... Thanks very much, that really made my night!
As ever, Ms. VV, you have outdone everyone. You make these people live. Action verbs, grammar that only enhances the story (instead of hampering my reading by calling attention to itself), and not a "seems" or "seemingly" (banes of fanfic!) in sight. I LOVE your writing. Please Please Please write some of your own stuff so that I may SPEND MONEY ON IT and buy it for everyone I know!!!!!
Perfect, perfect, so beautiful. What an engaging person Lillian is - I wish I could hang out with her. This is, by the way, the *entire* reason I read fiction (inhale fiction, drown myself in fiction - whatever): to meet people I want to know. Jamie and Claire in OUTLANDER, Althea in the LIVESHIP books, Anita Blake in the ANITA BLAKE: VAMPIRE HUNTER books (though she does not write as well as you do!). Thank you for creating more persons I want to keep in my life!!
oh, brilliant! thank you!!