Penname: Ron x Hermione [Contact]
Real name: Lindsey
Member Since: 10/23/06
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I am no longer an author on Mugglenet Fan Fiction. But please enjoy the stories I wrote a year or so ago anyhow! Thank you to everyone who wrote meaningful, wonderful reviews and supported my writing. If you wish to contact me, please do so by email, at lindsey.bell@rocketmail.com. Thank you.



My name is Lindsey, with the penname of Ron x Hermione on both here and the forums. I am a member of the Hufflepuff house and support my house with the utmost respect and endeavour, always going out of my way when possible to receive extra points. This would be one of the reason I have such an extensive library of stories, because most of them are challenge fictions. Some have even won a few awards. For example, Pain Doesn't Cost a Thing won first place in the Summer Challenge in 2007, Unexpected Gifts won second place in a challenge near Christmas 2006, Sacking that Silvery Man . . . won third place in the 'Dolores Umbridge Challenge' in the Spring-Summer of 2007, The Depths of a Darkened Mind won third place in the Gauntlet of Summer 2007, and I'm thinking that that is it. I had taken leave from about August 2007 to October-ish, but I found that I couldn't stay away from here for that long. I hope that my writing has improved at least a bit since last writing a story, and I hope that you, the possible reader, enjoys what you read.



Drop-dead-gorgeous banner by KC/sayiansirius! Go Hufflepuffs!



I am officially in SPEW! (The Society for the Proper Evaluation of Writers.) *coughs or Society for the Protection and Expansion of Weirdness coughs* But I now have a straitjacket! *tries to wave but can't due to restraint*



I now am even in the Susan Bones Book Club, where we analyse different brilliant stories on the forums. It's amazing there. Cute Banner by Noldo.



And though I have blatantly yet to go on a poetry spree of writing, I am in Poetry Anyone, a great little club where poets come together to share their views and thoughts on the metre of a poem. :) Amazing banner by the lovely suzie/crazy_purple_hp_freak!

NEW UPDATE

January 30th, 2008:

The last update I kind of lied a bit. I'm sorry about that. It turned out that while soccer winded down, drama and schoolwork didn't, keeping me away for longer. Now I have a few hours on the computer every once in a while and found that I couldn't stay away from some of the challenges. I just had a new story published Everlasting Friendship and a Green Baseball Cap if it is of any interest to you, dear reader. -grins- I do hope that I continue to write stories and someone continues to read them. Thanks very much for all of the continuous support through reviews and emails. I love you all.

~Lindsey :)

---

My Favorites:

Books: Harry Potter 1-SEVEN, Where Willows Grow, Rose for Melinda, The Giver, Gathering Blue, The Messenger, Prayer for Owen Meany, Charlotte’s Web, Bridge to Terabithia, Shiloh, Where the Red Fern Grows, Summer of the Monkeys, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Man on Fire, Anthem, A Rip in Heaven, The Stand, Crank, and Night.

Movies: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Saw 1 and 2 and 3, Domestic Disturbance, Armageddon, Tristan and Isolde, Simon Birch, The Sixth Sense, My Girl, Where the Red Fern Grows, Day After Tomorrow, Holes, Red Eye, Moulin Rouge, The Outsiders, Flight of the Phoenix, High School Musical 2, Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Ladder 49, National Treasure, For the Love of a Child, Click, House of D, Mean Creek, Wild Hogs, Blades of Glory, Disturbia, Spiderman 3, Hairpsray! (the newer version), The Stand (mini series) and Across the Universe (though I was utterly disappointed), but the music was amazing.

TV: My stimulus for Mondays is 'Heroes', where the weekly glimpse of Milo Ventimiglia keeps me going; on Tuesdays I watch 'The Biggest Loser' if I don't have a soccer game; I watch 'Kid Nation, 'Private Practice, and 'CSI: New York'; and on Thursdays I watch 'Grey's Anatomy'. Yes, I have a nice schedule going on.

Music: I have recently become a raging addict for Cartel. Will Pugh is just . . . So amazing. I also really like Jim Sturgess, Joe Anderson, and Evan Rachel Wood off the Across the Universe movie and soundtrack, I found an old Backstreet Boys CD and have found a newfound love again for them, Family Force 5, John Mayer, Josh Groban, Kelly Clarkson, and all of the cast of High School Musical 2 with the exception of Vanessa Hudgens.

Favorite Actors and Actresses: Rupert Grint, Jake Gylenhaal, William Moseley, Nicolas Cage, Ewan McGregor, Joseph Mazzello, Leonardo DiCaprio, David Duchovny, Jim Sturgess, Dakota Fanning, Dennis Quaid, Hayden Panettierre, Milo Ventimiglia, Gary Sinise, and Shia Labeouf.



Pretty much amazing banner by KC/sayiansirius for His Poison!
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Reviews by Ron x Hermione
 

Moral Relativism by Colores
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 17]

Summary: In the end of the final battle, Harry is faced with the most difficult decision of his life. He is outnumbered by the remaining Death Eaters, and the two beside him will surely die. The only question is...Who will kill them?

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1539 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/13/07 Updated: 07/14/07


Reviewer: Ron x Hermione Signed
Date: 04/23/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Holy crap, Fresca! I saw this story in the April challenge in the common room and, seeing it was by you, decided to read it. Wow--- it was so sad, seeing Harry's reactions, his pleading for you to understand of why he killed his best friends.

And heck yes I judge what he did. How awful! I guess I understand his reasoning [you had a great argument for him there, good work, and explained it very well], between knowing they're going to die and not wanting Voldemort to be the one to do it, but to see Harry kill Ron and Hermione was just TOO heartwrenching! Oh, poor thing. I really wonder how he lives with himself now. How is he living now, with this guilt?

I have a question--- how did Ginny, Mrs. Weasley, Hermione's parents if he ever found them, react? Did Voldemort really actually kill everyone?

I love your second person. Great work. I would have slipped up somewhere.

~Lindsey :)

 

After the Epilogue by annie
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 35]

Summary: As their two sons set off to begin their new lives at Hogwarts, Draco and Harry struggle to find closure to their old ones. Light HP/DM, so-light-that-it's-almost-nonexistent AS/S, contains DH spoilers.

02/27/08: The lovely aku_rin has translated this fic into Italian! To read her translation, click here. She will also be translating this fic's sequel, Fragile, into Italian, and I'll post the link to that when it's finished :)

Categories: Harry/Draco Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 4099 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/01/07 Updated: 08/01/07


Reviewer: Ron x Hermione Signed
Date: 08/02/07 Title: Chapter 1: After the Epilogue

Great work! While this story is a bit different than some of the ones I have read of yours, it was still brilliant and very, very different. It was kind of almost--- sweet to see Draco and Harry getting along that way. Of course, because Harry saved his life in DH, that would be a great cause for him to be caring to him now, but I never would have thought to see a slash story about them. Even though I don't agree with the ship, I thought you did this beautifully and very convincingly.

Potter's wet cheeks were a testament to his grief, to Draco’s grief, to the first thing they had ever had in common, and Draco was suddenly seized with the bizarre desire to go over and comfort the boy he had detested all his life…

I like the way that these two have come together. It's almost as if they could just forget their past and become friends (and possibly more than that in this case). I like ho you've described them here--- it's as if they're on person, and that's really well written.

Harry glanced around nervously before cupping Draco’s face in both his hands and leaning forward so that their foreheads were touching. “You have,” he whispered, his breath ghosting over Draco’s lips.

This is very well written, but I can't see it happening--- not at this moment, anyhow. If Ithey really were trying to make this ship happen in this particular story, then wouldn't they wait? Because Ginny is still standing there with his daughter, and wouldn't she be watching? It seems kind of dimwitted on Harry's part to show that right in front of his wife and Lily. Or . . .

. . . surreptitiously flicked his wand under Harry’s arm at Ginny Potter, whose gaze immediately slid out of focus.

Is that what this meant? Did he somehow bewitch Ginny not be able to listen, but not the Muffliato Spell? I'm not sure I understood it correctly.

They suddenly so close that Draco could see the myriad indefinable emotions flickering in Harry’s eyes.

Did you mean to put a 'were' in between 'They' and 'suddenly'?

(and I know Uncle Ron will be, too)

This had me rolling. I know how Ron feels about Slytherin, and I suddenly imagined him spitting out loads of pumpkin juice all over himself when he found it out. Good work with that, that was brilliant.

Very nice ending. I was happy to see that Draco's 'debt' was repaid through his childhood. It looks as if they'll get a few more meetings if their sons are friends. I enjoyed this! Nice work.

~Lindsey :)

Author's Response: First of all, thanks for all the reviews you\'ve left for my fics, Lindsey. I\'ve read them all, and I appreciate all the time you take to sit down and write such thoughtful comments :) I\'m happy to see that you have no reservations about reading ships, especially slash ones, that you don\'t necessarily agree with. Thanks for point out some of the mistakes I made, and as for Harry\'s intimate gesture... well, I\'d like to think that Ginny knows that he and Draco have something of a past together, since I see the pairing as one that wouldn\'t keep secrets from one another. Just in case, though, Draco confunded Ginny :P

 

Consequences by helgaandgodric
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 11]

Summary: In my version of the DH epilogue, set 19 years later. Harry has pushed his family away to protect them from the consequences of his actions. But what will happen when the consequences are different then he thought they would be?







IWhile DH is not excluded, the last chapter is. This also happens to be a part of the Ellie Vicky and Ellie Cathy series, although it is not vital to read "A Potter and a Malfoy."

Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1891 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/07/07 Updated: 09/12/07


Reviewer: Ron x Hermione Signed
Date: 10/15/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Aw, how sad! I really enjoyed this, though, very nice of point of view. Good luck in the challenge!

~Lindsey :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much, Lindsey!

 

Thy Will Be Done by Gonz
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 11]

Summary: et cognoscetis veritatem, et veritas liberabit vos.
“And you shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free” - John 8:32

Nathaniel Benn has always served peacefully as a friar in his small English village. But when an innocent Muggle is accused of witchcraft, Nathaniel is thrust into confrontation with a zealous Inquisitor and apathetic Wizards. As the situation worsens, Nathaniel must decide whether he will watch innocents burn or risk his life to tell the Church the truth about witchcraft.

Overrall winner in the Autumn Challenge!

Categories: Historical Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Violence

Word count: 5526 Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/02/07 Updated: 11/01/07


Reviewer: Ron x Hermione Signed
Date: 10/15/07 Title: Chapter 1: Accusations

Very good start! I really like this story.

~Lindsey :)

Author's Response: Aw, thanks Lindsey. Its great to see that your still around.

 

Summary: When all life fades to grey, George tries to find a means to an end.


I am beauty and brains of Gryffindor House for Colors of the Spectrum, Part 1.


Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Suicide

Word count: 1211 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/17/08 Updated: 01/20/08


Reviewer: Ron x Hermione Signed
Date: 02/16/08 Title: Chapter 1: Scriptures on a Headstone

Poor Fred and George! What an awful way to go. Very good work on this my dearest Ashley!

His arms were crossed stiffly, and he looked anywhere besides the rectangular hole in the ground as his best friend and brother was slowly lowered into it.

It's really sad to see how he can't even accept that his brother is gone. You portrayed this very well, especially this being for the Color of Loss challenge, and him seeing absolutely no color in his life at all but gray. Very appropriate choice.

She Now Has Perfect Wings

Even though this girl isn't a key part of your story, this headstone really spoke to me. George too doesn't know why she has died, but the fact that the girl now has perfect wings states she was innocent and her parents/guardians very much loved her. It just gives me chills, how perfect for her gravestone And only three! Very sad. But I did like very much how, even though George was very bitter and resentful toward the death of his twin, how he stopped and took the time to place an iris on this little girl's grave. Even though he feels that he is completely lost without Fred, a part of his thoughtfulness shines through with this simple act. I really liked this part.

Fred had joined the hundreds of others that occupied the land beneath him and would never rise from it.

Ooh, very chilling. Very, very good description. I hate how much angst George shows in this story, because he is always so happy, excited, joking. Your characterization in this is not to be questioned. George I very in character, even if he isn’t the happy-go-lucky person we usually see.

“Avada Kedavra.”

How sad! I hate to see [and can hardly believe] that George decided to go this way, but many do the unthinkable when the death of a loved one enters their lives. Suicide in itself is completely horrible, especially because of how much I love the character, the way your characterization shined through this story. It is a very satisfying ending, though, because now I believe that Fred is with him and they are now pranking others together, just like they usually would. I just can't imagine what the other Weasleys will think when they find out that another one of their sons is found dead. That's the only thing that bothers me, is how George doesn't think on what his family would feel when he is gone--- wouldn't he think of them, and how they would cope with his absence, especially just after the death of Fred? I find that Fred and George always think of their family, no matter how much they tease Ron [and Percy, for that matter, for being a git].

Very good story, Ashley! I loved your dark tone. I can't wait for another one of your challenges!

~Lindsey :)

Author's Response: Lindsey! *squishes to the point of suffocation*

Good golley, woman, how on earth is my reply supposed to be able to compete with the sheer length of this godly review? I\'ll give it a shot, but don\'t expect much from me. *buckles seatbelt*

Okay, first order of business. Do you have any idea how much it killed me to write George in such a fashion? I adore George, heart and soul, which is why I love to write him as a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, like in that other one-shot I have. Even thinking of killing him off by my own hand was horrific. But, it had to be done...for the sake of Gryffindor points for the Cup! *grins*

Actually it was the only thing I could think of, but I probably shouldn\'t even have tried. I read your Colours of Loss entry, and it was amazing. What\'s the point in competing? Participation points! Teehee!

When I really think about it though, I know George wouldn\'t have killed himself. He would have known the grieving his family would be going through, and wouldn\'t have ever even dared to add more suffering onto them. But, then again, Fred was his best friend, brother, and twin. Pretty much the other half of him. How could you lose so much of yourself and not want to join them, even in death? It\'s a horrible idea to even think about, but I\'m sure George thought about it many times, although never went through with it. Fred would be proud of him.

In this one-shot, however, I don\'t actually say that George goes through with commiting suicide. He says the spell, but the imposter Moody says that very few wizards have the power to pull that particular spell off. If a whole classroom could only have given him a nosebleed, I doubt George could have pulled off killing himself. Although he did have a lot of hatred and angst swirling around him at the time. I suppose it is only up to the reader to assume what happened. Do you think he really killed himself?

So how did I do? Not as long as the actual review, but one of my longer answers, yes? Maybe. And thanks a ton for all the encouraging words and praise! You\'re amazing! All the best in the challenge!

 

Put Thy Trust On Egypt by joybelle423
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 7]

Summary: When I was twenty-four, I took Victoire to visit her grandparents. Bill had been sent on a trip to Egypt, so it was the perfect opportunity for us. It was wonderful to be back home, speaking my native language again, visiting friends I hadn't seen in years, seeing places I'd frequented in my childhood. My parents doted on Victoire, and it was easy to slip back into some of my old habits of staying up late into the night with friends. One of those friends was an old ex-boyfriend of mine, back when we were at Beauxbatons together. We'd dated for three years, and everyone – our parents included – thought we would marry each other. His name was Philippe.

Written for Amanda/pandafan81 for the SPEW Spooky Swap of 2007.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 1820 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/19/08 Updated: 01/23/08


Reviewer: Ron x Hermione Signed
Date: 03/13/08 Title: Chapter 1: Put Thy Trust On Egypt

I love the title, Abigail. This story was very different, very unique.

I love the way the story was started. How Fleur recounts her past, leading up to Bill, eventually to the present where she is married to him and has had Victoire. By the way, I really love how she got her name--- very memorable. It just shows how great the final battle was to their world.

And Philippe? What a little snot! A great friend, he is. And it seems that I was the only one who thought the romance was in the past, for he kissed me. I know that they were old friends, and since they had been catching up he had naturally known she was married. Or had she declined to mention that detail? Probably not.

I saw a flash of red hair in the light of the streetlamps. Bill. He'd seen. How did Bill know where to find her? How had he known that she would be in exactly that place, as if he were expecting her to do such a thing? It just strikes me as odd as how he could be in the worst possible place at the worst possibly moment.

I'd also just kissed another man.

and

Nobody had seen him. I really like these sentences. They're solitary, alone, and so in-your-face. They remind us how deep the situation really is. Good work.

I Flooed every member of the family — George and Ron's apartment above Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes — Percy and Penelope's house in Yorkshire — Harry and Ginny's apartment in Holyhead — Charlie's cabin in Romania — even Bill's great-aunt Muriel, whom I despised. I really like how you've incorporated the entire Weasley family, and everyone who lives together seems in accordance to what JKR said happened to the characters after Deathly Hallows. But something about George living with Ron, even after all these years, stuck out as odd to me. I thought that, especially after the kiss in the final book, that Ron and Hermione were going to get together. It always felt to me that R and H would get married before Ginny and Harry, or at least around the same time, and at least by the time Fleur would be twenty-four, three years after the Final Battle.

I really love the ending. Bill's return home is very sweet, and it just shows how great their love is. Very nice work.

~Lindsey :)

 

Luna's Truth or Dare by Hutchinson
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 523]

Summary: What happens when Luna challenges her friends to a game of Truth or Dare?

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 28986 Chapters: 14 Completed: No
Published:
01/23/08 Updated: 01/14/09


Reviewer: Ron x Hermione Signed
Date: 02/19/08 Title: Chapter 2: Boxers and Beans

Nice job! Very funny. This one is going to go on my favorites. I really like this story and look forward to seeing the updates!

~Lindsey :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reading, and for putting me on your favorites list! I love it because it gives you quicker access to the story, and it makes me feel pretty darn good!

 

Treat or Trick? by Roommate of the Quillster
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 17]

Summary: It began as an innocent activity, and ended alone on a dark and stormy Halloween night.


At least, it was Halloween.

Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1881 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/23/08 Updated: 02/18/08


Reviewer: Ron x Hermione Signed
Date: 04/21/08 Title: Chapter 1: Treat or Trick?

Too cute, Shanae! I really enjoyed this story. And I liked how you made up a holiday for Wizards and Witches that us normal people don't have--- a day celebrating the demise of the Dark Lord; that's pretty creative.

“Wicked!” said the twins as they looked at each other and started digging around inside the giant pumpkin. Ha ha, Fred and George, still as sneaky as ever. This part was priceless.

“Oh, lovely!” Arthur exclaimed. “I have always wanted to meet them.” Of course--- Only Arthur would have always wished to meet policemen. Maybe not the kind of people he really thinks they are. I love this!

Somehow, in some sort of coordinated maneuver, the planning of which Arthur had completely missed, George sliced Fred’s arm, and Fred stuck his now bleeding arm in Percy's face, trying to force Percy to "drink it like a real vampire!"


"George! Fred! That's enough! Oh, you two! Percy, stop that, it wasn't that bad.”


Ron, who didn’t know any better, added his two-year-old tantrum to the mix.
Really! That's what he gets for taking out the twins dressed in mythical costumes, no less bring four more along with them to boot! Lucky Molly wasn't there or she would have freaked. This had me rolling. I really like your style of humor.

That evening, Arthur decided the one thing missing from his newly finished broom shed was better insulation. Aw, poor Arthur! Poor man was only trying to have some fun. I like how ended the story like this--- it was a very intriguing way to conclude such a funny piece of writing. I really liked this story a lot. It was a great laugh.

I really didn't find anything to criticize--- you've got a great mind, thinking up these things, but it makes it even greater when you can edit things so well.

I love this little bit--- I actually didn't know this:

As a note, British Muggles don’t trick-or-treat. :)

Really nice work! I hope to see more humor stories from you! And I love your ideas!

~Lindsey :)

 

Why We Wear Black by x_GinnyPotter_x
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: Cho never understood why everyone wore black to her Grandmum's funeral. Only when she lost Cedric did she truly know the meaning of that darkest color.



I am x_GinnyPotter_x of Gryffindor, entering the Color of Loss One-Shot Challenge!

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 2379 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/29/08 Updated: 01/31/08


Reviewer: Ron x Hermione Signed
Date: 02/03/08 Title: Chapter 1: Why We Wear Black

“We’re sad for ourselves, Cho. Grandmum gets to be happy, but we’re sad because we won’t get to see her for a long time. We’re really mourning our own loss… but we should be happy for Grandmum.”

This is very well said by Cho's mother. It's a really good description of what we actually are mourning for. Good work!

By the end of the night he had won my heart — I hadn’t even thought about Harry. Cedric became all I could think about, especially when he kissed me goodnight.

Aw, this is so sweet! I can actually feel what Cho is feeling. And when she says that he had won her heart! Brilliant.

I remember the way he held me tight as he told me he would never have let anything happen to me. If only I could have promised him the same.

This is really heartbreaking. I love how she feels so at ease with Cedric, unafraid to love him as her own. But that last line, of how she wishes she could have promised him the same . . . that gave me chills, seriously. That's really deep, yet so sad at the same time.

It was the last time he would embrace his parents, the last time I would feel his lips on mine. It was the last time I would see him alive.

Once again, this is terribly heartbreaking on how Cho is looking back on her relationship with Cedric. Very good work.

And then Mr. Diggory let out a cry so terrible I knew it was true — Cedric was dead.

This is truly awful. I like how you've included his father in here--- I don't remember exactly how it happened in the book, but in the movie that cry in itself made by the actor that played his father was just . . horrific.

Only now do I understand why people wear black to funerals.

Very chilling ending, but very nice! I like how it is very in-your-face and out there. Very good.

A nitpick, here just to help if I can:

I didn’t know what it was like to loose someone special.

Here, instead of 'loose', it needs to be 'lose'.

All in all, I really loved this story. I like how you created a scene that we haven't seen from the books instead of creating your own character, like others did [like me!]. I think that it takes more creativity to fill in the blanks with a character from the books than actually recreate an entirely new story and characters. I really liked the way you portrayed Cho's emotions as well.

Very good story. Good luck in the challenge!

~Lindsey :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the amazing review! Glad you pointed out the nitpick, I went back and fixed that. I\'m glad to hear I got Cho\'s emotions across, that was one of my main goals with this fic. Thanks again for the feedback! This is my longest review ever!

 

By Dawn's Early Light by Cwiddy
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: George Weasley has woken up in the past, sent on a mission that could save the present.



I am Cwiddy from Hufflepuff House and this was written for Gauntlet 5.

Categories: Mystery Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 8221 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/13/08 Updated: 02/13/08


Reviewer: Ron x Hermione Signed
Date: 02/14/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Chris! This was such a brilliant story! The way you took the prompts and twisted and molded them into your own creation, writing what George would see and do, definitely shows your individuality. No other Gauntlet story is quite like this, my friend, and I've read nearly all of them.

I love your description through all of this. From your description of a sunset [as the sun tickled at the foot of darkness that belonged to the night. Dawn crawled up from the earth to start a new day as unconsciousness descended upon George.] to how you portrayed your characters [who were all completely in character, I might add, even Percy!, who is quite hard to get quite right].

But sadness and heartache soon descended as he remembered that his twin brother had died at Hogwarts during the final battle against Voldemort. The world swirled more quickly around him from sitting up so fast and nausea threatened to bring up his last meal…although what that was George could not remember.

I'm actually re-reading Deathly Hallows and have actually just passed the part where his twin does perish in the war. It makes me sick, too. I can only just imagine George's pain as he reflects on his relationship with his brother. When you remember a loss, all of the happy memories just well up inside of you and that only makes you sadder on how you can't create any more of them. Great job on portraying this.

Together he and Aria helped heal each other’s pain, both having lost their twin in the war against Voldemort.

I do wish that you had enlightened us more on the relationship between Aria and Fred. *wiggles eyebrows* I would have loved to have seen some flashbacks and moments of the two together, reflecting and comparing their losses, comforting one another.

Spring awakened them to bring out their beauty for all to see. The other led into a dark forest, that seemed to call out to him, representing all the pain and torment his soul had been going through in recent weeks.

Ooh, how I love your personification and symbolism, Chris! Your words are just so beautiful, and you've sprinkled them all throughout your story.

Numbness threatened to reach out and take away what feelings George had left. George felt more alone than ever, lost in life without his brother’s bright smile to keep him going. A tear escaped out of the corner of his eye. He felt it trickle down to his chin and roughly brushed it away.

I think that you meant to add a 'he' before 'roughly brushed it away', here at the end. And I can just see Fred's catching grin captured in George's mind. Good work with this.

“Assassins! I can help protect her if you like. Let her stay here until you finish your business at the inn. I promise I’ll keep her safe,” Julian said.

“Do you want to stay Rose? I’ll be back as quickly as I can, although it is getting late. I was thinking the inn would be a good place to stay the night.”


I am a bit curious, though, as to how George trusts Julian, this man that he has just met, so quickly. He is going to allow her [and himself] to remain in the hands of what could be a Death Eater for all he knows, with a good lot of them lurking about in the wrong time period. I would think that he would have been a bit more cautious toward this.

"Rose, I think I need to find more, ah, time appropriate clothes."

Chris, I love how you've portrayed George. You've kept him as we all know him to be, a jokester in some parts of your story, burdened with the loss of his dearest brother in others, and serious and concerned for his mission and the two people he needs to keep vigil over. His quirky yet solemn characterization is well portrayed throughout your entire story, something hard to do at a story this length and at such strict prompts. Great, great work.

“Well, late at night she often is sent by her mother to fetch her father home from the bar. He likes his drinks and goes to the tavern most nights. He is usually in no condition to get himself home again by the end of the night.

I adore how you've created this intelligent piece to put in on how to find young Rose. Julian explains this just like any other person, I think. But I do love your reasoning on how they would be able to meet her--- off to retrieve her father, brilliant.

If He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named or Harry aren’t born, then the war will be prevented, and Fred won’t be killed trying to protect Hogwarts! Help me, George!”

I just love Percy Weasley. The way he is trying to rid himself of the guilt of Fred dying is just heartbreaking, though his intentions to kill two others three hundred years before for one person that he holds dear is rather . . . pitiful and distressing, I think. It is good how he is trying to redeem himself though. I like this twist you have here.

George was rushing at him and Thorfinn, flinging three sprinkles of the dust at each of them. The two Death Eaters disappeared and George tripped forward, dropping the remaining powder onto the ground and landing in a heap right on top of his satchel.

George sat in the dust a minute.


I am, though, a bit confused here. If George was just able to quickly fling the dust at the Death Eaters and they disappear back to their home land and time, then how come when George lands in the dust he is not immediately transported back, even if there isn't enough dust to take him all the way home? The dust wouldn't think about this, wouldn't it just go ahead and take him on home?

the organization I represent that fights evil in my time,” George answered

I think that you forgot a period here.

George cringed under the heavy eyed barkeeps stare.

I think that you need to have a hyphen between 'heavy' and 'eyed' and an apostrophe after 'barkeeps' in this sentence.

I just loved Julian and Rose Potter! They are both amazing Original Characters to own, dear, and the way that they are woven into the story and their romance blossoms is very well written.

The hastily written note that Julian writes to George was a very good ending. My heart nearly stopped when I read that Rose wasn't able to create any more powder, but after reading that he himself had created some of those Time Turners my heart when out to him. They were both very good people and the way they kept their promise a hundred years later, tying in the barkeeper and the message George had to tell him tied the story together perfectly.

Between the huge Percy twist and your great storytelling, this story was an amazing one, Chris, and I think your best yet, though you do have quite a few to choose from. Keep up the great work, and good luck in this challenge.

~Lindsey :)


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the awesome and thorough review! I greatly appreciate the input. I have noticed my writing improving and I hope to keep working on it. As a note, Aria\'s story is a work in progress that I just haven\'t had time to totally piece together. I\'m working on it...if I can just find time to do it! I\'ll work George into it at the end...and maybe expand more on their times together. As a twin I just imagine how I would feel if something happened to my sister and go from there. My imagination is almost as good as it was when I rode around on my imaginary ponies when I was a child. Reading helps keep it that way! Thanks again for the amazing review!

Author's Response: P.S. Thanks for being my Beta, and getting this back to me in a very timely manner!! :) :) 8)

 

Sunday Breezes by Crows
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Because sometimes we just have to communicate.

A gift to my favorite ship.

I am Crows of Slytherin House and this is my submission for Air

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1550 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/10/08 Updated: 04/10/08


Reviewer: Ron x Hermione Signed
Date: 04/12/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Nice! I love how Hermione got Ron to play the sax. Very unique.

Author's Response: Thank you! I\'m a sax player myself, so when the challenge said to put in a woodwind instrument, I couldn\'t resist. I feel honored to get a review from you.

 
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