I am no longer an author on Mugglenet Fan Fiction. But please enjoy the stories I wrote a year or so ago anyhow! Thank you to everyone who wrote meaningful, wonderful reviews and supported my writing. If you wish to contact me, please do so by email, at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you.
My name is Lindsey, with the penname of Ron x Hermione on both here and the forums. I am a member of the Hufflepuff house and support my house with the utmost respect and endeavour, always going out of my way when possible to receive extra points. This would be one of the reason I have such an extensive library of stories, because most of them are challenge fictions. Some have even won a few awards. For example, Pain Doesn't Cost a Thing won first place in the Summer Challenge in 2007, Unexpected Gifts won second place in a challenge near Christmas 2006, Sacking that Silvery Man . . . won third place in the 'Dolores Umbridge Challenge' in the Spring-Summer of 2007, The Depths of a Darkened Mind won third place in the Gauntlet of Summer 2007, and I'm thinking that that is it. I had taken leave from about August 2007 to October-ish, but I found that I couldn't stay away from here for that long. I hope that my writing has improved at least a bit since last writing a story, and I hope that you, the possible reader, enjoys what you read.
Drop-dead-gorgeous banner by KC/sayiansirius! Go Hufflepuffs!
I am officially in SPEW! (The Society for the Proper Evaluation of Writers.) *coughs or Society for the Protection and Expansion of Weirdness coughs* But I now have a straitjacket! *tries to wave but can't due to restraint*
I now am even in the Susan Bones Book Club, where we analyse different brilliant stories on the forums. It's amazing there. Cute Banner by Noldo.
And though I have blatantly yet to go on a poetry spree of writing, I am in Poetry Anyone, a great little club where poets come together to share their views and thoughts on the metre of a poem. :) Amazing banner by the lovely suzie/crazy_purple_hp_freak!
January 30th, 2008:
The last update I kind of lied a bit. I'm sorry about that. It turned out that while soccer winded down, drama and schoolwork didn't, keeping me away for longer. Now I have a few hours on the computer every once in a while and found that I couldn't stay away from some of the challenges. I just had a new story published Everlasting Friendship and a Green Baseball Cap if it is of any interest to you, dear reader. -grins- I do hope that I continue to write stories and someone continues to read them. Thanks very much for all of the continuous support through reviews and emails. I love you all.
Books: Harry Potter 1-SEVEN, Where Willows Grow, Rose for Melinda, The Giver, Gathering Blue, The Messenger, Prayer for Owen Meany, Charlotte’s Web, Bridge to Terabithia, Shiloh, Where the Red Fern Grows, Summer of the Monkeys, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Man on Fire, Anthem, A Rip in Heaven, The Stand, Crank, and Night.
Movies: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Saw 1 and 2 and 3, Domestic Disturbance, Armageddon, Tristan and Isolde, Simon Birch, The Sixth Sense, My Girl, Where the Red Fern Grows, Day After Tomorrow, Holes, Red Eye, Moulin Rouge, The Outsiders, Flight of the Phoenix, High School Musical 2, Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Ladder 49, National Treasure, For the Love of a Child, Click, House of D, Mean Creek, Wild Hogs, Blades of Glory, Disturbia, Spiderman 3, Hairpsray! (the newer version), The Stand (mini series) and Across the Universe (though I was utterly disappointed), but the music was amazing.
TV: My stimulus for Mondays is 'Heroes', where the weekly glimpse of Milo Ventimiglia keeps me going; on Tuesdays I watch 'The Biggest Loser' if I don't have a soccer game; I watch 'Kid Nation, 'Private Practice, and 'CSI: New York'; and on Thursdays I watch 'Grey's Anatomy'. Yes, I have a nice schedule going on.
Music: I have recently become a raging addict for Cartel. Will Pugh is just . . . So amazing. I also really like Jim Sturgess, Joe Anderson, and Evan Rachel Wood off the Across the Universe movie and soundtrack, I found an old Backstreet Boys CD and have found a newfound love again for them, Family Force 5, John Mayer, Josh Groban, Kelly Clarkson, and all of the cast of High School Musical 2 with the exception of Vanessa Hudgens.
Favorite Actors and Actresses: Rupert Grint, Jake Gylenhaal, William Moseley, Nicolas Cage, Ewan McGregor, Joseph Mazzello, Leonardo DiCaprio, David Duchovny, Jim Sturgess, Dakota Fanning, Dennis Quaid, Hayden Panettierre, Milo Ventimiglia, Gary Sinise, and Shia Labeouf.
Pretty much amazing banner by KC/sayiansirius for His Poison!
Summary: After the defet of Voldemort Harry and Ginny get on with their lives. It is Christmas and Ginny has a special gift for Harry this year.
This story was really good! You conveyed the emotions really well. I hope to hear more from you!
Summary: He didn’t leave the vibrant, quarrelsome, passionate, attractive woman he once loved. He left the empty and broken shell she had become. Complete One-Shot.
Ooh, that was really deep. That was a really great fic. I think that you had Snape's character down greatly. It'd be great if this were a chaptered fic...
Summary: Post Hogwarts: Ron and Harry are sent to America for Auror training. Ron spends his last night in England with Hermione, and after returning two years later, he finds Hermione with a fifteen-month-old baby ...
First off, I know how popular of an author you are, and especially for this story. I was really looking forward to reading this, but never found the time until now. I must say, you drew me in just by your possession of description in just the first few paragraphs. I could just see that banner floating in the wind.
After six children, the seventh appeared without much fuss. I like how you've recreated the memories that even just the backyard holds. It's very bittersweet.
Mrs Weasley’s youngest son Ron, who had turned eighteen in March, was now--along with his best friend Harry Potter--going to America to train to become Aurors. I think that instead of 'became Aurors' you meant to have 'become an Auror'. Because of the length of the sentence, it may have been confused, but once you cut out the thick of it and just have Mrs Weasley’s youngest son Ron, who had turned eighteen in March, was now-[bulk deleted]-going to America to train to become Aurors.
They decided to stay together, both reasoning that a long-distance relationship couldn’t be that hard. I love how both of them are so stubborn; they really want to make the relationship work, I can tell.
“That’s seven-hundred-and-thirty days,” she informed him tonelessly. Just like Hermione. Though we see her so little, I still feel that you have her character developed spot-on. Ron as well, and especially the twins, who continue to crack jokes.
I really admire how you've ended the first chapter with them beginning to make love, then cut to fireworks setting off in the backyard. Just like a love story, to do that.
No one knew the consequences that would change the young lovers’ lives forever. Very chilling. Nice ending--- it leads up to what we think, or know, is going to happen. I look forward to continuing reading.
It was more passionate, there were more tears, desperation and love between the two Gryffindors that any logical thought had escaped them. I really agree with this. No thought would have been put into thinking about those things, it all would have just been for false worry. What all teenagers think. But I do sympathize with Hermione, great, because she didn't know that this would happen. In this sentence, though, I have a slight nitpick. I think that you meant to add another little something to the end of this sentence, it just kind of runs on and ends without warning. Like, instead of ending it with just It was more passionate, there were more tears, desperation and love between the two Gryffindors so great that any logical thought at that moment had escaped them. It makes it more understandable.
There was so much she wanted to know, and not enough books to help her. Love this. It just adds to the fact, again, that you've decorated Hermione's character so well.
I can't tell him. I just can't. I won't. You've named all of the key points in why Hermione should and should not tell him, explaining very nicely to the reader why she could tell Ron about the baby. Nice work.
You're thousands of miles away from me and relationships are hard enough without that much space between the two people. I think we should take a break from each other for a while, or at least until I return to England. While long distance relationships are sure to never work, this is quite devastating, I know, to Hermione. Maybe she had already known that this was going to happen, but not thought on it too much, only thinking of their last night together. And look at where that had gotten her. Poor thing.
who had thin dark red hair and big blue eyes that strongly suspected would darken to brown over time. There should be a 'we're in between 'that' and 'strongly'.
At the beginning of August, Molly received a letter from Ron, which informed her that he and Harry would be returning home in a few weeks. When she told Hermione the news, Hermione spent those weeks writing and re-writing a speech containing everything she needed to tell Ron, including how she would tell him and a list of questions she figured Ron would ask. What a struggle that would be, to not write to your baby's father, your former lover, your best friend for so long, especially if she knew where he was, what he was doing, and most especially if it's been a year that has gone by since the child has been born! It's a good thing Hermione is so strong. Many couldn't do it, and I'm surprised that Mrs. Weasley contributed to her decision in not telling Ron-- I know that she loves Hermione dearly, but Ron is her son. Wouldn't she want to tell him?
Hermione reached down and lifted Hannah out of her crib and kissing her cheek. In this sentence you either need to omit the 'and' and place a comma before 'kissing' or replace 'kissing' with 'kissed'. Tiny little nitpick I saw.
"I'd like to introduce to you Miranda," Ron said. "She's my girlfriend." Didn't see that one coming! Wow, how awful it would be for Hermione to have to tell her now! I feel just horrid for her. Nice cliff-hanger by the way. If the story wasn't already updated I might have gone crazy.
"I know I am," Harry said taking a seat next to Hermione quickly, mouthing 'sorry'. Poor Hermione! It's nice to see, though, that Harry hasn't gone off the deep end, gone crazy, or gotten killed, but that he is still a good, dear friend to Hermione.
He had told Miranda all about her. In fact, it had been her who had made him realise long-distance relationships never worked, she had even helped him write the final letter to Hermione, the love of his life … or so he thought. Oh, what an absolute ho! How dare Miranda come into Ron's life and allow him to realize that. It might have been coming anyhow, but Miranda is obviously going to be a witch, and not just one with a wand.
"You … you had a baby."
"Moooooooooo!" Hannah squealed, giggling loudly as she pulled at Buttercups ears. Ha, I love how Hannah breaks this tension! That was hilarious!
"I'm looking at him," Hermione said, staring Ron in the eye, trying not to blink. Oh, gosh, this story just keeps getting better and better--- I can understand why so many people have favorited it. How awful, for the two of them to be put into this situation! Ron had better ditch Miranda or some catfights might go on.
I could just feel Hermione's anguish all throughout this chapter. I would have turned and ran, not stayed and stared at Ron in the face. Looking forward, again, to the next chapter! Great, fantastic work.
"Typical? Having your baby is typical?" Hermione asked, folding her arms across her chest. Ron had said some stupid things in his life, but this took the biscuit. Best part of the entire chapter! Rather than Ginny's, here we see Hermione's fieriness and stubbornness.
Another part of him felt sad; he had missed out on important stages of his daughter's life - her birth, first steps and first word.
"I'm sorry you had to do this alone," Ron said, feeling guilty. Aw, Ron--- I love his characterization. The ups and downs in his and Hermione's relationship when he comes home is brilliant. It describes their feelings right as they're having the talk that Hermione so dreaded, ups and downs.
He took the stairs two at a time, leaving Hermione with the feeling that this could have gone better. Poor Hermione. Ron does always know how to ruin things, even if it isn't under the best of circumstances.
Harry turned to his old friend. "She's beautiful," he told Hermione, "just so …" he searched for a word to describe how amazing the baby was, but couldn't find one. Oh, I do believe that Harry is my favorite character in your story, despite how hard they are to choose between. This really, truly is great. I love how accepting of Ron and Hermione's you've made Harry. He didn't even question anything, like Ron did, only complimented on Hannah. Good work.
"Why do you care so much anyway, Hermione?" Ginny asked suspiciously. She turned to Hannah and pried Harry's glasses from her, and helped him put them back on. "I thought you were over Ron." I find this quite . . . unbelievable, I think? It just doesn't seem to me like anyone would speak this aloud. Obviously Hermione still has feelings for Ron, whether she loves him or not, because she has a child with him, and that half of Ron lives in Hannah, whom she loves. Also, to care about him enough to not inform him of a child, which would send him straight home, also tells how much she cares for him as well. It just seems oddly structured.
Better, we think. He's Hannah's Godfather, and he loves. I think you forgot a word here.
She did make a move to hug him but, at the last minute, lost her nerve and, instead, grabbed his hand for a firm shake. Ha ha, I do love the awkwardness of their past relationship.
Nice work, another great chapter.
Hi, i've read your entire story, Daddy, and i must say, it is probably the best fan fic i have read! It's beautifully written, and the most points in your story just made me gasp, or laugh! I especially like the chapter when Mrs. Weasley tells Hermione about how she wants the recipe to just stay in the family. That was so sweet! Anyway, i just wanted to say that this was an awesome fic, and keep up the good work!
Wow... I can't believe at what an awesome fic this was. 13 chapters.. of amazement. No wonder that you won in the QSQ Awards! You definitely earned it. Here's a try at my longest review, ever.
The plot. Spectacular. You have very creative ideas for fics; I have read them all - One Blue Line and Your Slash Fic - and even though they were funny, they weren't as good as this one.
I can totally see Ron and Harry *sniff* going to America for Auror training. At least they got to write back and forth to each other. It would have been really sad to see Ron come home to Hermione and his child with his girlfriend. That would have been horrid.
And the way that you portray Miranda... evenhough she is an OC, you do it perfectly, and she sounds like one of JKR's characters. Her hate and spite for Hermione as her "competition" is like two school girls that hate each other - trying to fight over one man. Priceless.
The ending was wonderful. I am a die-hard Hermione/Ron shipper, (hence the username) and to see them get back together after all of this was great. The cherry on top of a pretty cake.
I'm so glad that you decided to write this again (I saw in your note at the bottom of the Prologue). You wouldn't have one this award, and you wouldn't have gotten so many reviews! I'm glad that you continued it, branching out even more in a fic is something that I myself need to do with one of my fics, yet I don't really have the time to go about it.
And when Mrs. Weasley makes the comment about Hermione being family about the recipe... That made me go "Awwww!" That was one of the sweetest things that I have ever read.
Miranda and Hermione.. those little fights were hilarious. You added just the right amount of humor in this fic to make it believable, yet it had serious parts to it as well.
When Miranda would lie to Ron about the stupidest things.. that made me want to strangle her! You did a great job in describing the characters emotions, and how they played out well until the end.
Ron. You did this character perfectly in my opinion. I can see him, at the beginning, when he "breaks up" with Hermione to see what else is out there while he is in America. That was sad; especially for Hermione to have had his child. But you made up for it in the end.
The emotions in this fic and how you portrayed them truly makes your work what it is. Wonderful. You wrote this fic with great ideas in your head, and you are a great writer.
I saw a few punctuation and tense errors overall in the chapters, yet you and your beta did a fantastic job of writing/beta-ing this fic.
This was truly a heart-warming fic, and thank you for giving me the pleasure of reading it. I hope to see more form you in the future! I hope that you haven't left, because I love your work. You write a bit even like JKR herself!
Summary: Mr. Weasley has a talk with Ron about his developing relationship with Hermione.
That was seriously the FUNNIEST fan fiction I have ever read! You did a great job on this fic! Where do you come up with that? That was hilarious; very funny. ~Lindsey :)
Summary: Remus saw Harry’s pain. He saw it from the moment the boy, or rather, man, walked through the door. He wished he could do something to dull the anguish in Harry’s eyes. But that seemed difficult while he was still dealing with his own hurt.
Aw, this was sad! I liked this one shot; keep up the good work, and it'd be cool if you continued it.
Summary: It's a rescue, really. At least, that's what Fred and George Weasley manage to convince him of. After all, Hermione is sure to be a target for revenge seeking Purebloods - what could any right-minded Wizard do but step in to help?
But with the shadow of Voldemort still hanging over a frightened community, Oliver is about to find out that the consequences of doing the right thing can get very out of hand!
An Oliver Wood/Hermione Granger Romance
Wow! You've got a great fic going on here. I love your characterization of the characters. Percy was really well-written. I like your detail as well, in this fic. Great job!
Author's Response: Yeay - a Badger Review Circle review *grins* I\'m glad you\'ve enjoyed it, and think the characterization is good. Thank you so much :-)
Rated: [Reviews - ]
While I don't think that first person would have been the best to choose for this story, I think that you have an interesting premise for this story. George/Tonks? That's very interesting; I don't know how you could have come up with that!
I think that more description and intense detail to certain things throughout could have made this first person story more enjoyable. While it's just a prologue and they don't have to be a certain long length, i still think you could have conjured up a few more thousand words --- you could have described the train station where she talked to George, you could have told why Tonks' mother sets her up on those dates, you could have gone into more detail about why none of the men her mother picked for her were right . . . Not everyone is meant to write in first person, but I think that you would have done this story justice with a different tense. Oh, and you accidentally tended to switch the tenses in a few sentences.
You had quite a few mistakes for this, and I think that a good beta reader could sort that out.
There’s more too it than that of course, but I didn’t see it at first.
You only need one 'o' in 'too'.
“Oh, this fell out of your back pocket”
You need a comma after 'pocket'.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you around” his voice snaps me back to reality.
“Yeah, see you around” I say and walk away.
You also need commas at the end of both of the speaking sentences.
Whether he is Fred or George is yet to be determined, but which ever one he is, he looks relieved that I have stopped.
Ha, I really like this. I find myself in the books sometimes wondering which twin is which . . . you did a good job with that line.
He has a cute smile. I’ve never noticed it until now. I like the way his hair flops down into his face too. He’s really quite cute.
While student/teacher (adult/kid) relationships aren't my absolute favourite, I'm starting to branch off into them more and more and read and write them. While I think that you've won the award for 'most original' in a Tonks and George relationship, this sentence just kind of turns me off of the story. Don't get me wrong-- I like the ship and some of the way you describe this is witty, but a grown women, I highly doubt, would think of a kid this way. I know that Tonks seems kind of fed up with her life (and slightly OOC) but this is kind of going a bit overboard. Now, if I hadn't have known that this were a George/Tonks relationship story, then I would have thought 'Oh, she's a woman looking at a child'. Since you've never specified on how old George and his twin are in this story (though I assume he's still at Hogwarts because he was at King's Cross), I myself would want to guess fifth year, and that would make George 15 or 16 and Tonks 20 or 21. While this isn't that big of an age difference, it just seems odd to me that she would think that. Tonks is just a bit OOC throughout this, though.
After my realization that George Weasley was something of a hottie, I started hanging out with him more and more. First Fred tagged along, and then it became just the two of us.
Umm . . . wouldn't someone tell his parents about this? I know that about more than 80% of parents would freak if they knew that their son or daughter was going out with someone that much older than them. Tons of things would be running through their head, like why Tonks want George when she can have so many others? She's too old and he's just a 15 year old. So, since Tonks and George are spending so much time together, wouldn't someone find out and tell Mrs. Weasley? While I'm fairly positive she would love to have Tonks in the family (it says so in either OotP or HBP) I think she was meaning more along the lines of Bill or Charlie dating her, not one of the twins. The twins are not mature by any means, especially at that age. I just think that you could have made this more believable.
Even perfect has to end sometime though…
Aw, you had better not kill off George! Nice cliffie ending, though, I'm sure your readers loved it.
This was cute, though. Good work.
Summary: It's just your average, boring Summer day on Privet Drive. Or is it? Harry is stuck doing another one of his many thankless chores, when he hears something VERY interesting coming from Dudley's room and goes to investigate.
That was hilarious! Where fif you come up with something like this? It was a very humorous read, great job.
"Yes, Barbie, I do," Dudley responded in a much lower voice, "and I told you, my name's not Ken....it's Dudley. But you can call me Big D."
I seriously started busting out laughing at that. "Big D", Dudley's name.. priceless humor.
I saw a few errors in punctuation, but overall the fic was fantastic. You did a great job of describing the characters, and the "fat bottom" comments on Dudley and Vernon Dursley just fit right along with them.
Hmmm... You failed to say what year this was in. I'm quite curious...It would be cool if it were in his seventh year,; as Harry would be all grown up - as would be Dudley, and it would be good for Harry to have a few good laughs in his seventh year.
I love the way that you put the lyrics in this fic as well; to categorize it with the title. It was pure hilarity; and I hope to see more from you!
Summary: She could walk through the graveyard without blinking, bypassing the graves of fallen childhood friends. She could walk through the halls of Hogwarts without missing a step, tracing back a path to her first day as she rushed through the school. She could even make her way to the Forbidden Forest and trample through it, ignoring the splashes and stains that still marred the aged trees and wasted ground. But Hermione cannot make herself face the Great Lake, calm on this balmy summer day, where she had watched three people she had slowly grown to love fade from existence. Character Death within. Post-Hogwarts.
That was a wonderful story, it was a tear-jerker for me. I love the way that you described their emotions, very sad. And the way Ginny died, soooo sad. I'm glad that you let them die as heroes. Overall, very very good work. The ending was great too.
Summary: Once upon a time Narcissa and Severus were in love. Sadly, some things just aren't meant to be. Posted prior to DH.
Good story, though, even though if you had done a bit of research you would have found that you will need an AU warning on their ages.
Story written pre-Black family tree.
Aw, this was such a cute chapter. I'm not going to go any farther because of the warnings, but I could really understand how this could be a stand alone. I admire your take on this couple; they seem like just the pairing that would have to sneak around around someone else because they have another lover that they don't feel the same way about. I like how you've incorporated this, and it just makes the story that much more thrilling.
Unfortunately he had no family worth mentioning and certainly none with whom my own family could associate. Looking back it shames me to admit that, at eleven, I considered myself quite above him.
This is exactly how I would imagine Narcissa feeling. Brilliant. I think that just about anyone would feel themselves about Snape, because he is always portrayed as a greasy-haired, arrogant boy, sometimes in fan fictions even with abuse parents. I like this sentence, a lot, though, because Narcissa is described as a woman that 'appeared to have something smelly under nose' and that makes me happy that you've incorporated that she stuck up.
By the time we entered our sixth year at school, my future was all mapped out. Lucius had expressed interest in me to my father, and both our families were delighted by the prospect of such an alliance.
While I can see this happening, I find it very clichéd. Nearly all of the Lucius/Narcissa pairings I read have the prospect that either Narcissa was bid on by Lucius and had or their families had arranged it. While you've worded it nicely in your story, I think that you could have at least added a bit of romance to it and they actually feeling something toward each other. While I know Lucius may be excited because of a small crush on a girl he's admired, she is five years younger, and he could have easily have had another.
Why should I have thought any differently when even Lucius Malfoy, a fifth year and one of the most popular boys in school, treated me like a little princess?
However, I checked the Lexicon and Lucius and her are the same age, give or take a few months. You may have missed that tiny detail, but I just thought you should know. Lucius was born in 1954 and Narcissa in 1955. So, that could even have placed them in the same year.
Also, Severus was born in 1958 or 1959, as stated on the Lexicon as well. So, he wouldn't even have been at Hogwarts the same time they were, almost. Well, they would have been in their fifth years or so, but Narcissa and he would not have shared this relationship, though, because of their age, I think. Other than their ages and the mishaps on the dates, the story is rather nice.
The return of the other students made it more difficult to pursue our new friendship, but it didn’t end it.
I can definitely see this happening; Snape isn't the most popular boy at Hogwarts--- there are probably first years more popular than he is, and Narcissa (if she were going to be married to Lucius) would not be seen publicly hanging out with someone like that. It's kind of sad, though, that their friendship had to stop because of the other students. It goes to show that everyone is self-conscious of themselves in some way.
Thus, as winter blossomed into spring, I found myself spending every spare moment with Severus.
While I really do like how their relationship is blossoming, I really can't help but feel that, with all of Lucius' might connections at the Ministry, that someone (either a fellow student that's still a school or a professor) would tell him, Lucius, of his future wife's and friend's relationship. I'd be a bit weary if my boyfriend were associating with my friend like that so much.
“Don’t speak of him”
I think that you may have forgotten a comma here.
“I will always love you.”
Aw, this was very sweet! I really like this---- even though Severus has denied her, it's good to know that they actually did, at this time, love each other, and Severus loves her enough to abandon her for her to have a better life. Nice input in that.
While I thought this could have had more description, I really liked this story. I wish I could go on and see what happens in the next years, but the warnings kind of makes me cringe at the aspect, so my reading will only branch to this chapter. Good story, though, even though if you had done a bit of research you would have found that you will need an AU warning on their ages. I really liked their romance, and I hope to see more from you. Nice work.
Author's Response: Thanks for all the wonderful comments and suggestions! This first chapter is definitely one of my least favorite pieces, so it\'s good to hear what could be improved.
Summary: Betrayal, the sharpest of man's swords, can be fatal when wielded by a child...
annie, dear, you're amazing. Seriously. You are an amazing writer. *gushes*
Once again, I saw the beautiful, intricate storyline from you; it's not just one story, it's all of them. Your description, stories . . . everything are just great. I'm fairly sure I'll have all 27 of your stories read by the end of the week if they continue to stay as good as the ones I've already read.
The characterisation, again, I must comment. BRILLIANT. Snape's character was spot on, as was Draco's and Voldemort's.
Voldemort--- he was very unmerciful, and I really liked the twist you had when he told Draco that he was given false information. It's so in character for him; great work.
Draco--- he seems very weak and annoying, almost, in this story; something that I really think he would be while he was begging for his life; especially after what Snape had done to him. it's very sad to see what he's become. Perhaps we could have a one shot, prequel, as to how Draco ended up this way?
Snape--- I really liked the way you've written him. I could just see the hatred etched into his face, the hooked nose sliding out from under the cloak . . . But one thing I didn't understand--- why did he fundle in his seat when Draco was being tortured if he was just going to kill him himself? That's the only problem I have with him, but other than that, I loved him as well.
His red cloak slid off the throne behind him like a thick river of blood.
Ooh! I really loved this description here! It's definitely apparent throughout the entire story, but I really liked this sentence. I can just see Voldemort coming off his high throne and the cloak billowing out behind him and sliding off the chair silkily. 'Blood' was a great word to use.
Oh, gosh . . . I honestly couldn't find anything wrong with this story. It was so well written; you should be a real author; like, not just for fan fiction, but have books and things. I'm sure you'd sell out with the right publisher.
Oh, I did find this mistake:
. . . It was a test, Draco, a test to see where your loyalties lay and whether you were willing to endure pain and death for your master."
Instead of 'lay', it should be 'lie', I'm fairly sure. But this does not change how wonderful your story is. :)
I will admit, I had expected nothing less from you -- which is why I gave you false information."
Poor Draco got fooled. But, this sounds just like something Voldemort would do. And, Malfoy would be just the person that was weak enough to betray it. Not good on his part, but on your part as the writer, amazing.
Draco was dead long before the two jets of green light ever hit him.
Aw, great ending, but very sad. I really, really liked how you've worded this though. We know that the Avadas didn't kill him . . . but it's like he died from Severus' betrayal to him. It seems as if Draco really, truly considered him as a father, and he really looked up to him. To have someone not save you when you're about to die is really heart breaking; it's very sad, even if it is Draco Malfoy.
The way you write Malfoy makes me want to pity him, even after all the bad things he's done to Harry. In your Hermione/Draco fics, I really want him to get together with Hermione; he's just so sweet and sensitive and giving with her. In this story, you've got him portrayed the same way, and it makes me feel a tad sad for seeing him be like this, then get killed. But, if it's convincing, then that's a good sign.
This was a great story all together. I really liked your creativity and writing style in this, as in all your other stories. It too will go on my favourites. Great work---- again!
Summary: Auror-in-training Kingsley Shacklebolt is learning to blend in with the crowd in downtown London. There, he meets a small, lost girl, and learns how much impact a simple act of kindness can really have.
This was such a sweet one shot! I love you allowed the man that saved Hermione to be Shacklebolt. That gave me chills when that was announced.
I usually don't comment on characterisation, because it doesn't really stick out to me, but the characterisation in this story was absolutely amazing. You must have gone through the Lexicon or done quite a bit of research to get your characters so in tune. I adore how you've written them.
I, and mainly the rest of the population of HP readers, don't know a lot about Kingsley Shacklebolt, since he hasn't played a huge roll in the books, but if this had been a main character, then I'm sure you would have had him portrayed perfectly. He seemed like just the right type of man to pick up the girl and help her find her father, and the way he talked to Hermione about the seed in the ground and finding yourself was really sweet.
"Oh!" she said excitedly, flapping her hands. "That's what I want to be when I grow up? What's it like?"
Oh, my goodness, and Hermione! Even as a small child, you have portrayed so perfectly that I wouldn't surprised if JK herself had written it. She sounds like such a sweet little girl to know, and even when she asks all the questions and keeps on with them, it sounds just like the member of a Trio. The way she kept on and on and on with her questions heartedly was just what a child would do, especially this character.
I like how you didn't allow tricks to get in the way of Kingsley finding out that Hermione was the little child he helped so long ago. When authors try and make mystery apparent when readers read it, sometimes it just doesn't make sense, and the point doesn't come across--- but when you had Hermione repeat exactly what Kingsley had said when he was younger, it gave me chills and made me laugh. I was starting to wonder how this story was going to connect, and then you had said that.
With a grunt, she managed to get the board loosened enough to let light in.
"Keep what in mind, exactly?"
She turned her head upwards, towards the sky, and said,
"You know. That the smallest thing we do, the smallest things we say, can change the destiny of a world."
I can picture Hermione in my mind's eye while reading this at the end doing all of this perfectly. I have a clear view of Hermione pushing open the loose board, then taking a glance back at Kingsley, still having no earthly idea that he is the man who saved her, then looking up at the crack of light towards the sky, and then speaking again. For you reader to be able to see that is a great trait to have while being an author, and you do just that. Great one shot, and wonderful description and characters.
Summary: Harry, Ron, and Hermione make a trip to Godric's Hollow to visit the Potters' graves. There, Harry speaks to his parents for the first time, and in so doing, discovers that the dead are never truly lost. (One-shot. Bring your kleenex.)
Oh my gosh! This is one of the best, and saddest, fan fics i have ever read! Keep up the good work!
Summary: My own shocking ending to the Harry Potter series (last chapter). Harry wakes up from a deep sleep and what he learns turns his world upside down...
Before the doctors knew your name they referred to you as the boy who lived
I actually found myself laughing at this, as to how ironic and brilliant it was to be used in this fic! *giggles*
Anyway, very interesting story! You must have had one great plot idea for this. I think you did a great job. I wrote a story similar to this as well, as of course it's different.
Great job! But, I have one question... who was that other boy in the car? *shakes head at possibly dumb question*
Author's Response: Lol, I liked putting that in there. & no, that\'s a really good question. I get a lot of people who ask me what exactly I was referring to in different parts, including this one, but the truth is that I left this open on purpose so many different people can have a lot of different theories & interpretations. Honestly, it\'s interesting to ME what YOU guys think I\'m referring to, lol. Buuuuut if I were to go back & finish this or something, I\'d probably make the other boy Neville, just because it\'d be like the connection they have in the books. Thanks for the good review!!
Summary: Draco has a secret, one that he would never admit to anyone...including himself. One-shot songfic to "Dirty Little Secret" by All-American Rejects.
Wow, once again your story amazes me. You're an amazing writer, annie.
The first thing that drew me to the story was, of course, that the author was you, and then the fact that it was a song-fic with one of my favourite songs in it, and then that it was a Hermione/Draco, a pairing that has recently became serious to me.
I shouldn’t be doing it. But I’m doing it anyway.
I adore the words you've used--- they show that Draco is unsure himself of what he is, what he's doing . . . he knows that he shouldn't be doing it, though he does. I like the uncertainty that you've built on Draco's characterisation--- I think you've got him portrayed brilliantly here. In the books we see Draco as a guy that always wants to be left alone, is very secretive . . . especially in Books 6 and 7. It's perfect here because he's sneaking around with Hermione and he knows that he shouldn't be doing it.
Moments later, she is shaking beneath me as I kiss her with a vehemency and passion that scares even myself. Her hands, cut by the times I pressed them against walls and floors covered with jagged rocks, clutch onto my shoulders, nails digging into my skin in a way that only spurs my lust. Her hips, bruised by the times I gripped onto her so forcefully that she cried out in pain, are thrust up against mine as I pin her against the wall behind her.
Aw, this is terribly sad. Because of Draco's sad and naturally (even kind of abusive, neglectful) homelife, I can actually see him being abusive toward a friend or girlfriend, though Hermione it's sad to see it being done to. You have that paragraph perfectly--- it;s amazingly descriptive and I can see all of those things: the bruises, the cuts, the rocks that he cut her on . . . I can see all of them happening, and you've done a great job with that.
When I return to the common room, my friends greet me excitedly. My friends…who am I kidding? They’re not my friends. They don’t give a damn about me.
I like this--- I can actually see Draco feeling this way about 'friends' like Crabbe and Goyle, and possibly even Pansy. Good work.
Then again, she doesn’t live an easy life either. It never fails to amuse me that the friends she once loved are the ones most determined to uncover what I’ve been doing in my spare time. I suppose that’s why she gave them up: my little secret doesn’t harbour the strength to divide her heart in two. So now she lives only for me, because she has no one else.
I find this especially sad as well, but kind of odd. Why would Harry and Ron abandon her? I understand that Ron would possibly be harbouring some sickening feelings toward Malfoy because of how long he's liked Hermione, but to actually abandon her as a friend and not talk to her? Not confide in her? I can't see this--- I think that they would be a bit awkward for a while, but they would eventually come to terms and, realising that she was a friend, respect her wishes and tolerate Malfoy.
The same look I had trouble placing earlier this evening is in the eyes of the image I envision. Sensuality, desire, and…
I really like how you've got Malfoy leading a double life--- we already know that he did in Half Blood Prince, and that makes it more apparent that it could happen with the romantic aspects in his life--- Hermione and Pansy, and he's torn between them. Even though he abuses Hermione, I feel that he actually truly does love her, and that drives him to hurt her to punish himself. Though Pansy, I think, he just keeps and uses for her own pleasure, he also keeps for himself to ensure that nothing else is going on between him and someone else--- especially a Mudblood, something that a certain Dark Lord would possibly have him murdered for.
I love this story--- once again, another one of your masterpieces. I look forward to reading another. Another favourite to add!