+ Rarepair Fan
+ AU Writer
With Deathly Hallows over and the spoiler ban lifted Iím looking at my fic with an eye towards bringing them into compliance with the new canon. With that in mind Iíve gone through and marked the hopeless ones with a ĎDH Disregardedí warning.
Thatís left me with two stories.
Textures of Darkness will continue. Itís fully canon compliant, and Iíve tentatively planned a sequel set in Hogwarts during Deathly Hallows.
A Wolf That One Hears is currently on hold, but I have every intention of continuing it when I can update more regularly.
I love the way you portray Luna. You manage to capture her rather difficult personality perfectly. I also liked the little things you mentioned about who was doing what on the Hogwarts grounds at night, and the way you mixed mirth and seriousness into the conversation between the friends. This scene really rings true, as though it could actually happen in the HP world--good job!
Your writing is very poetic. I always fall for repetition--in this case, the little lines telling the pieces where to move. Your descriptions of Hermione and Harry through Ronís eyes are very interesting. Iím not a very big fan of Ron, but Iíll admit that you did a wonderful job with him here.
How do you manage to pack so many emotions into one short little one-shot? This is the third story of yours Iíve read in a row, and I feel like I should be floating or something--too much good characterizations and well written friendship. Youíre making me happy against my will here! Iím giving up trying to say something coherent, so youíll have to deal with this instead.
This is the first piece of your writing that Iíve read, so Iíll comment on your writing style first. Itís clear and easy to read, though it has an occasional bump in it. It seems to be your characters that really bring this story to life, which brings me to my next point. I disagree with Josh. Their older selves are reflected quite clearly in the teenagers you present here-- almost too clearly in fact. I like Molly a lot-- her kindness towards Arthur through his bumbling and her defense of him is very IC, as is the fact that she only gets angry at the thought of him (oh, the horror!) breaking rules. We do know from the books the Molly was a bit of a troublemaker herself though (love potion, mentioned in POA), so you might be overplaying that part a bit. Iíll see how that works out in later chapters.
You fit many references to small future things in here, like Mollyís dislike of long hair. The fellytone bugs me, though. It was Ronís mistake in the books, and I think itís one of those fanfiction clichťs that people have latched on to.
Iím rather ambivalent about Maeve as a character. I havenít seen enough of her to get a good feeling for her, so she seems almost fake. Having read this story before, I can say that she gets better in later chapters. But in this one she is just a bit flat.
I had the impression that Moody was older than Molly and Arthur by quite a bit, that Lucius was slightly younger, and that Narcissa had been to school during the Maraudersí times. Since this is a story of fluff, fluff, and more fluff, I wonít harp on the point, but let it be noted.
Maeve has solidified in my mind as a good character put a truly unpleasant person. Her disdain of Arthur really makes a point; he gets that treatment from many people his entire life, and yet he doesnít let it bother him. It subtly reminds the reader that even though heís a lovesick fool and an oddball, he really does have a strong character. Iím glad youíve put that into the story, because otherwise Arthurís surface foolishness would seem degrading.
Shane reminds me too much of Sirius. When I read him I always feel like weíre seeing a slightly different version of the same character, and I donít like that. Whether you did this intentionally or not, it comes off poorly to the critical reader.
The short exchange about children was perfect. It really shows how they end up as their future selves, and once there, how they mange to take being poor. The fact that everyone else was shocked and rather disdainful served to underline that Molly and Arthur really are a good match. Iím loving this story.
There are a couple of spelling errors--I noticed the ones in the second chapter, but there might be ones in the first chapter also. I liked the idea of a potion to help with the initial Animagus transformation, and I thought the scene with the werewolf playing with the other animals was very touching. Nice Fic!
I went looking over here in the humor section for some good laughs, and I found them! This was wonderfully entertaining. I especially loved Filch--he was IC and very amusing. Watching Snape attempt to keep his dignity in such a ridiculous situation was absolutely hilarious, and you wrote him well enough that I could actually imagine that was how heíd react. Fawkesís Ďpresentí was slightly predictable, but funny all the same. It does make me wonder, thoughÖdoes phoenix poop have any magical characteristics? Maybe it doesnít come offÖ.
Author's Response: Thank you for your reveiw; it really perked me up today! :D I'm pleased to finally have some comments on the characters, as I sort of just went with my instincts with both this chapter *and* Let's Floo Crookshanks. I'm guessing your question about the phoenix poo was answered in the next chapter? *grin* Your idea is a good one, though. It's made me consider a new discovery for the poo in each chapter *insert thoughtful smiley here* Thanks again VERY much for your review!!
Funny, in character, and well written. I havenít laughed this hard over a story for ages. Snape is dead on perfect. Shampoo---who would of thought that the solution to Snapeís greasy hair was that simple ;). I want to see more of FilchÖand that signÖ.and things coming randomly out of the Floo. But Iím a patient person, and the title of your next chapter was enough to get me laughing at the possibilities. Good story, good humor, and good fun!
Author's Response: Again, thank you very much for your wonderful review that made me smile like a complete dork. *grin* Dumbledore's False Teeth has been laying unfinished on my hard drive for months, but you have very much inspired me to go and finish it right now. There are a couple of knks that are bothering me, hence why I keep wanting to throw it in the air and let horny Hippogriffs have their way with it. I'll definitely keep your wishes in mind for the next (and future) chapters. I'm glad it made you laugh!
You know how long Iíve been waiting for this chapterÖ..and I now pronounce it worth the wait. The references back to the first two chapters were great--particularly the book that Snape was reading, the Return of the Sign, and broken-nosed Hufflepuffs. Everyone was still very IC. I assume Dumbledore was controlling his teeth throughout this chapter? That was perfect.
Author's Response: I'm thoroughly glad it was worth the wait. I already have ideas for the next chapter, and I hope the wait isn't as long this time. Thank you so much for your patience and kind words; they really brighten up my day! P.S. Yes, Dumbledore was controlling them. ;) Naughty, naughty man.
I was just wondering if you were still planning on posting the next chapter. I keep checking back, and I don't want to do that if I can't expect Dumbledore's False Teeth soon.
Author's Response: Thanks to your little push here, I've spent the last two days solidly polishing up DFT and whizzing it past my beta. Thank you SO MUCH for hanging in there! It's appreciated like you wouldn't believe. Thanks to you, I was motivated to finish the next part. I truly hope you enjoy it! It's been submitted, so it should be up in the next couple of days. :) Again, many many thanks.
While I liked the general idea for this (and would love to see it extend to other characters) I do think it could have been done better. I like stories that have some tie-in to cannon and which keep the characters more IC. I know that Voldemort had to be childish for the sake of this story, but events and other characters could be used to tie it in a bit. Still, the story was good for a quick laugh, and judging by your other reviews, more than a quick laugh to a lot of people, so good job!
This chapter was much better. It was so far removed from reality that I stopped caring if it was connected to canon, and I loved the ending. *tosses galleons into the fund* I also liked Salazarís three chambers, good job with that one. And the quillÖand Ritaís quick appearance.
Iíve often wondered what the Marauderís Map would say to various peopleÖand now I can find out. I think the present tense worked very well for the story, and the comments were just the sort of things the marauderís would have said. I rarely beg for authors to continue their work, but Iím going to now--please tell us what the Map says to others!
I think my favorite thing from your stories (and they should continue--they are funny) is the Quick Quotes Quill. Surprisingly, I actually like the cow joke too. Snape (unlike Voldemort) probably could have been written IC and still have been funny. If you ever choose to write Snape again, a lot of people see him as having very dry, sarcastic humor, a shot of which wouldnít go poorly amongst the randomness of your stories. Still laughing, though, and Iíd like to request one of these from Dudleyís POV.
*laughs* Very nice. And look at the marauders going about their day to day business---how to get into as much trouble as possible, and get out of it again without getting caught. I found it funny, and I thought the image of the three boys standing around staring down the drain after their best friend was funny. I also thought the ideas they came up with to get him out were quite interesting and very realistic--overall, it was both humorous and believable, a hard combination to achieve.
Very original, entirely plausible, perfectly IC, and completely funny. You get one of my very rare 10s for writing a humor fic that wasnít at all AU, OOC, or just completely random. I love it!
There are two parts to this story: Molly and Ginny. Iíll address them as separately as possible, just so this review makes some sort of sense.
Molly first, then. By not mentioning her name, you placed her in the role of narrator. It focused the story more towards Ginny, and allowed the reader to slide over Molly to some extent. However, there were a few rough points there. I think the Molly presented here has too much of a bias towards Ginny, and not enough attention for her other children. She loves the boys dearly, and I donít see her Ďblowing them offí as much as she seems to in parts of this. Furthermore, there is a bit of a contradiction near the beginning. It sounds as though Molly wants a Ďgirly girl.í Why, then, does she name the child after a warrior queen? And why doesnít she express even a passing disappointment when Ginny does all the things that annoy Molly when the boys do them?
Those points aside, Molly is well done. She sounds very much like a mother who cares dearly about her child. Her pride is so well justified, and perfectly tinged with worry. You did a wonderful job capturing that combination of emotions.
Ginny. Your portrayal of her as more of a tomboy was spot on. I really liked how you filled in the times between when Harry sees her. The passing comments of tea parties and shopping trips during her last year at home were sweet. And you justified her sudden appearance in Harryís life during OOTP, where she seems to come out of nowhere. Her attempted strength at the end was spot on.
Nice fic. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
I think this is my favorite story of yours so far. The entire story rings with the determination, self confidence, and power of these four girls. The Hogwarts Houses stand united---and I truly admire your ability to show so much power in such a short piece of writing. I disagree with the other reviewers though--you shouldnít make a sequel You said everything that needed to be said and ended it right where you needed too--giving us enough information, but not too much. You might want to fix this bit though; ďthe shadows of four girls slowly being to creep through.Ē I think you meant begin, not being.
Oh, wow! Where to start?
I suppose your writing style would be the logical place, since it was the first thing I noticed. It is very distinctive and interesting--I think you have a nice voice as an author. Thereís just enough flavor there to make for interesting reading, without overwhelming the reader. Thereís a lot of personality there, and I really like it. I didnít notice any grammar errors, per se, but there were a few places with odd word order. Iím slightly ashamed to say that I didnít stop to quote them.
I think this is a very original plot idea. Depending on the direction it takes, I might find myself very enthralled with it. This might be a good fic to use for discussion in SPEW if you feel comfortable volunteering it--the originality could spark some interesting conversations.
This chapter was very well paced as well--interesting and descriptive both.
My one piece of con-crit, if you can call it that, was that I didnít get a very good feel for the characters in this chapter. I get the feeling that it might have been done intentionally, but it still left me feeling as though I was trying to read an Occlumens. It made me slightly less than sympathetic with the Auror, though I am very intrigued with the criminal.
I am now thoroughly intrigued! Your plot is very exciting, and has already grasped hold of me and pulled me in. Nice job with developing it and bringing it along. I get the feeling that this is going to be a very good story without pesky loose ends or random things thrown into the middle, because everything seems laid out nicely. It reminds me of professional work Iíve seen.
I especially want to compliment the way youíve created the world. It is very realistic and unique, but at the same time it ties into the Potterverse. I think youíve done a wonderful job with setting. The building is wonderful and very believable.
Iím still having a hard time with your main character, though Iím beginning to get a better feel for him. I donít emphasize with him, and I canít read him. I donít feel like I can guess what heís going to do at all, or what he thinksÖ.it could be Iím missing something thatís already there. Iím not paying as much attention as I should.