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MMFF goals: To get PI accredited, to become a member of SPEW and the BA and to get a finished chaptered story up here.
This is a banner for my upcomming story. Its a Remus/Sirius so if you don't like that, then don't read it. My Bata and I are really excited about this one, and i hope you like it when I finnaly get some chapters up!
Oh my. I love this. I was looking up R/S stuf in the romance section and it led me to another of you stories. I finaly cliked on your author name and relized you write most of my favourite Dogstar fics!! *hugs* I really liek the poem inthe begining and Remus' insult at the end. *hugs* I love your stuff!
Nuuuu!! It can't stop now! Oh yes review Guchi, review. This is bloody brillant! I love it. I noticed a few spelling/grammer mistakes. I was wondering if you had a Beta, if you don't I could for you. But anyway I love this. Started this last night and was up untill 4:00 before I could pull myself away. Keep writting! *hugs*
Though I have never tried writing her, I’ve always seen Luna as one of the hardest cannon characters to write. You have done a superb job. You haven’t made her too loopy (and acctuly gave reasoning behind her thoughts) but she isn’t too normal either. I enjoyed seeing things through Luna’s eyes. And your line “Ronald Weasley entwined with a 6th year girl whose name I do not know. Whatever they are doing, it doesn’t look particularly enjoyable, and I see Hermione Granger looking at them reproachfully.” made me laugh. I also love the way she is distracted in class, so veyr Luna in my opinion. I don’t really see anything that screams error. Overall this is a very good fic and I can’t wait to see more!
*faves* This is amazing. I LOVE it. lol just wanted to tell you that.
Ooo! That was good. I really like it. Simple yet powerful. I really like it.
Author's Response: Thanks a lot! I\'m glad you enjoy. :)
Oh Oh Oh!! I can't wait until you update this!!! I like it a lot! I wonder what your goignt o do about Snape and Draco/Harry and poor Ginny!
Author's Response: Yes, poor Ginny.... I\'m being very mean to her in this story, really... Ah, well, she\'ll be alright. :P Thank you for your review; the next chapter is in the queue. :)
First off, I must say, this is so sweet and so good! I think Neville is an amazing character and you’ve portrayed him so accurately. Because it would be bad for to copy your entire fic here, I’ll try and narrow down the great lines so this review isn’t too long...
~You’re very good at descriptive writing. Her graceful steps seemed to echo with unhappiness. I can close my eyes and just see that right there. I love it.
~You’ve characterized Ginny very well with this line: Neville noticed that she never made fun of anyone who couldn’t handle her teasing.
And you’ve characterized Neville just as well with this line: Neville could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He wanted so badly to stride out, to take her in his arms, to lead her in the dances she performed solo. I feel this so IC. It reminds me so much of little Neville standing up to the trio in PS...
~I love this, it is just so Neville, to be there for her for however long she needed him to be. After a few minutes, Neville heard her give a little choking sound. He did the only thing he could think of and pulled her into his arms to let her cry on his shoulder. She was a wonderful girl, and he would be there for her, though he would never ask her out. He held her for a long time.
~I love the way you closed this. It’s so sad and sweet and wonderful. The moon was not visible from his window, but he left the curtains open anyway, so he could look out at the unreachable stars.
I only have on thing to point out, and I think it’s a formatting mistake more than anything. The paragraph that ends “despite his gran’s classical training.”? After it you have two spaces, where throughout the rest of the fic you only have one separating the paragraphs.
All in all, this was amazing! *hugs* I think you’ve done so well with Neville and Ginny. This a superb one-shot.
Author's Response: *facepalm* Two spaces? Oops. I\'ll have to check, but I\'m pretty sure that\'s a mistake. Thanks for pointing it out. Silly formatting errors. Hee hee! It makes me smile that you wanted to copy/paste the whole thing. I\'ve wanted to do that before, so I really enjoy that particular compliment. Every guy wants to be a hero and Neville is absolutely no exception. Ginny is his princess-in-distress, and it was very enjoyable to let him rescue her. As you pointed out, he knows that he probably won\'t ever date her, but he still wants to help her. That\'s just the kind of guy he is. I\'m glad you picked up that line about Ginny. I was thinking of reasons for Neville to like her and suddenly thought of how she stands up for people. That\'s very much the sort of thing that Neville would notice. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments! *hugs back* I really appreciate them.
Yay! Another wonderful fic by you! (I read Some Kind of Miracle and tried to comment, but the site logged me off. I did send you a PM though the forums though) This is great! Normally switching view points is hard, but you’ve done it extremely well. You can tell who is who by just the tone of it. I can’t wait until you update Some Kind of Miracle, but I think I’ll have fun reading the rest of your works.
This is wonderfull! I love the way you write Petunia. It so well done. I love the way you start in Lily's childhood and end after the war. This is very good.
Wow, this is really good. It’s well written and I like the side of Remus that you show. Oh, no I don’t think he is OOC and since Remus is my favourite character I think I would know! This is wonderful and I’ve added it to my favourites. Now I saw a few things that I want to mention.
This: “Remus started at that piece of paper, ignoring the four sets of eyes watching him.” implied (at least to me) that the rest of the Marauders were with him, and had me confused for a fair bit of the fic. I would change ‘four’ to ‘many’, it would make it quite a bit less confusing.
“Happiness was a rare find in his world. Agony was achingly familiar.” I abso-bloodly-lutely LOVE this line. Actually it would be great for a banner for this story. There are a lot of banner threads on the forum, if you want one made for this.
“Even with the great distance separating them and the fact that Remus had his back to him, Severus felt the hint of Remus’ emotions emanating outward.” I think ‘hit’ would be better here then ‘hint’. I’m not sure if this was a typo on your part or you meant to write ‘hint’ but I think ‘hit’ works much better with the feel of the fic.
[“Nothing,” he breathed, pausing for a lungful of the sweet night air. “They don’t have to say why, Severus. They just don’t. None of the other schools have. This one is no different.] You need end quotation (”) marks after different.
[“It’s tempting,” Remus whispered, “so tempting to just end it all, to stop this pain from the hole in me, to make it so I don’t feel anything again.”] Okay the part that’s in bold? It doesn’t make sense. Maybe you mean ‘stop this pain from making a hole in me.’ But I’m not sure...just re-read it out loud and you might see what’s missing.
Okay so I had a few nitpicks but this was still amazing! I hope you write more and I can’t wait to see if you do!
Author's Response: *needs to roll tongue back into mouth and pick jaw up from the floor* Wow! THANK YOU for your comments! This was my first fic ever to be seen by eyes other than mine and it was written in response to personal events that I felt Remus could relate to . . . the feedback is greatly appreciated! The banner . . . I will TRY to remember that - I need to get those kinds of things, but I\'m so easily distracted that I can guarantee you I will forget. (However, I have no objections to people who remind me of these things, either.) Hit/Hint . . I can see either working - I went with hint to emphasize that there was a physical distance separating them at that moment. The hole . . . again, I can see either working, but the hole I was thinking about was the hole that gets created when something you deeply care about is forcibly removed. Marauders? Uh, maybe I have to go back and do more work, because they weren\'t the \"four eyes\" that it was referencing . . . but again, \"many\" could work, too . . . ah, the work of a writer is never finished! Again, thanks so much - don\'t hesitate to PM me with anything else!
Oh, awesome! I really liked this! It was well written and kept Neville in perspective. I love how you didn’t have him able to produce the Patronus right away. I love the glimpses at Neville’s past you gave us as well.
I love this line: “First day at Hogwarts? More nerve wracking than happy.” It’s so IC for Neville!
This was really well done. It’s not too long or too short, ending in just the right spot.
Author's Response: Thanks so much Nutz! I\'m glad you liked it!
*squees happily* Yay!! I like this. Short and sweet and lovely. This is my OTP here and you've done them very well. I like your Sirius, striding in there and reasureing Remus. "He love you" Oh great line there!!
Author's Response: thanks soo much, i\'m really glad you enjoyed it =] i loved writing this
Oh! I like this. Its a bit confusing in the beginning, because we don’t know who is who, but otherwise it’s really good. I very interesting idea, I’ve never heard of Remus being the heir to Gryffindor...Hum I like it.
Author's Response: Thank you! ~ Teresa
*squees incoherently* That was great!! love it! It was so well written (as is everything you write) and so true to the characters. I loved it, it was amazing...*hugs*