Penname: AlexisTaylor [Contact]
Real name: Lex
Member Since: 08/22/06
Website: www.the-red-chair.com
Beta-reader: 0
Status: Member
Bio:
I am a site admin for The Red Chair, an original fiction site that specializes in assisting Harry Potter writers in writing original fiction (which is much harder than it sounds!).

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
The site also has a new Livejournal community named the_redchair. Please go on in and friend it. You're more than welcome to join our ranks on either website.

I am a 25 year old midwestern (formerly southern) person who works in the newspaper industry. I hope some day to work in the fiction publishing industry, either as an author, editor or publisher. I accept and offer any assistance regarding the industry, and will pass any information along to our site users.

Contrary to my publication dates here, I've been on this site since it opened in November 2004. I've also been a mod and admin on this site for about half of the time. My first completed novel was Year Six (Now entitled Life of the Legend). My more famous (if you can use that word) is All's Fair, the story of my OC and Bill Weasley, set in an alternate year six and seven.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Please feel free to message me. I don't bite, and it's great meeting other users of MNFF.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
[Report This]
Reviews by AlexisTaylor
 

Phases of the Moon by BlackClaude
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 144]

Summary: In Remus Lupin's fifth year at Hogwarts, his devoted friends finally master the complex Animagus spell, beginning the adventures they will remember for the rest of their lives. But Remus must also face prejudice in the rising war, a test of loyalty versus love, and the danger of his dark secret being revealed.

Pet Peeve Disclaimer: Peter is not worthless, Lily does not have three friends who fall for the Marauders, and no one calls Remus "Remy."

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 39588 Chapters: 9 Completed: No
Published:
02/14/05 Updated: 04/27/07


Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 04/22/07 Title: Chapter 1: Reunion

I bet you never thought I’d read a Marauder Era fic unless I was beta-ing it, huh? You were wrong! Ha ha. Though honestly, it’s because I love you more than I’ve given in to the category (which I haven’t).

“No more would he suffer the endless onslaught of experimental cures, each of which his mother sobbingly referred to as “his last chance.” Remus felt like he was waking from a long nightmare.” I’d never before wondered what Lupin endured during his vacations, but this seems completely true to me. His poor mother. They do ridiculous things sometimes, even to the point of rejecting their children for their illness, trying to ‘cure’ them of their permenant flaws.

I’m also glad that you made Remus’ transformation happen the first night at Hogwarts. I think it’s important to remind the reader that the changes aren’t convenient, and they do interrupt his life quite a bit.

“Good lord, don’t encourage him!” said James, exasperated. “That’s the last thing he needs!” That line sounded a bit too feminine for James. I would change ‘lord’ to ‘god’. I would also change the second part of it to something like, “We’ll have to beat the grin off him next.”

You’ve incorporated external lives, too! Brothers and parents…you haven’t made the Marauders exist in their own bubble of joke-playing and no consequences. Very responsible writing. ;)

I’m not sure what to think about your James. He’s alternately a decent guy and a complete ass, and my mind is still trying to negotiate the two into one person. Your Remus, on the other hand…such a pacifist it’s annoying. But that’s what makes him realistic to me.

It was a good first chapter. Not boring at all (like mine tend to be). I hope that future chapters make the two sides of James seem like sides, instead of an entire separate person.


Author's Response: Wow, thank you for venturing into Marauder Era for me! *hugs* You\'re right about James, as we discussed. I\'m still trying to figure out what makes him tick, and maybe surreptitiously observing my guy friends with jerky tendencies... ;) Since this was written two years ago, I hope I\'ve bridged the gap since then, but I\'m honestly not sure. I welcome your input on my next chapter! And yeah, Remus... poor, pacifist Remus. I get why it\'s annoying, and sometimes I want to slap him, too, but I think it really is a serious character flaw of his. Not just, \"Aww, he\'s a softie,\" but \"omg, he didn\'t even have the balls to tell Dumbledore about Sirius when he thought he was a murderer!\" Thank you so much for your review; I always love your insight!

 

New Year, New Hope by pandafan81
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 22]

Summary: Response to Winter Snows Challenge # 1 for Hufflepuff House. The cold and the wet went unnoticed to the lone person wandering the streets. The numbness he felt had nothing to do with the chill. His heart was frozen. For him, this day, of all days, was the worst day of the year. How could anyone see this day as a cause for celebration? Certainly Voldemort was gone, but so was the one person who made life worth living. Seven years had passed since Voldemort’s downfall; but so had seven years since her smile was last seen. How anyone could pluck up the courage to celebrate this day was beyond him.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2985 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/09/05 Updated: 12/09/05


Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 02/21/07 Title: Chapter 1: New Year, New Hope

I first want to say that I think your story flows really well and allows the reader to simply feel the story without concentrating on, or being pulled out by certain elements. I absolutely might die if I do not mention the following bitty corrections:

What happens when the two meet- is at the top and needs to have punctuation at the end.

Wizarding world is an odd sort of term. It shows up in the books as both Wizarding World and Wizarding world. Whichever you choose just needs to be consistent.

Seven years had passed since Voldemort’s downfall; but so had seven years since her smile was last seen. How anyone could pluck up the courage to celebrate this day was beyond him. This particular part really struck me as something that might have come straight from the books. Perhaps it’s the use of the word ‘pluck’, but I think you’ve really captured the canon tone here.

Since Voldemort’s downfall Hogsmeade had become a metropolis of Wizarding businesses and homes. There should be a comma after ‘downfall’ and ‘wizarding’ shouldn’t be capitalized. Horcruxes should also be capitalized.

What kind of reward was this to loose the one you loved at the moment of fruition? ‘Lose’ should replace ‘loose’.

Ok, now on to the real reviewish part of the review. I noticed how emotionally driven you’ve made this story. Using subtle indicators, you’ve painted a scene of despair, and I really did believe Ron was that miserable 7 years later. There were some clichés, like the pouring rain, long misery for a lost loved one, fiery eyes and names derived from all the people they knew, but that aside, I think you’ve created a very nice, emotionally-charged fic. I think you’d do really well with descriptive fics or character analysis fics.

Anyway, I think you did a great job.







Author's Response: Lex, my love, you are fantastic. I am aware of the loose/lose issue, I just haven\'t had the time (or motivation) to go back and fix it. Thanks for pointing out my punctuation and capitalization issues as well. I am also aware of the cliches, specifically the pouring rain and the children all named after family members. But the story is about Ron, and I really wanted one of the children to be Hermione... it just seemed to fit better to have them all named after family members. Cliched, yes, but it worked for what I was going for. And of course, I used the rain as so many other author\'s do. A symbol of despair, and a driving force. But something Harry is willing to battle/disreguard for the sake of his friend. Again, I\'m aware of it\'s cliched-ness, but it worked for what effect I wanted. I just couldn\'t see snow coming off with the same effect. Thank you so much for the review!

 

A Stolen Past by nuw255
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 428]

Summary: Past Featured StoryFifteen-year-old Harry Potter wakes up in his cupboard under the stairs at number four, Privet Drive with no memory of the past five years of his life. What happened to his memory? What do his strange dreams mean? And most importantly, how will he survive in a school for incurably criminal boys?


This is primarily a mystery, with a bit of shippiness thrown in here and there. Of course, if I told you WHO is involved in the shippiness, that would ruin part of the mystery, wouldn’t it?


This story takes place immediately after OotP (and thus disregards HBP).




Categories: Mystery Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Violence

Word count: 61496 Chapters: 18 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/06/06 Updated: 11/15/06


Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 04/22/07 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11: Correspondence

I thought it might be high time I got around to reviewing your work, since I’m no longer your mod. I adore your work, and while it takes a bit for your story to become believable, it does with just a bigger stretch of the imagination.

“Anyway, I can’t believe your memory’s gone! It’s crazy! I take back everything I said in my last letter about you being a prat. Really, I just want my best mate back.” I wanted to point out that the British say ‘mad’ instead of ‘crazy’. But I really like your use of Ron’s voice. It’s not belligerent or moronic, it’s just the voice of a good friend (and a boy as a friend, not the effeminate version I so often see in fan fic).

“I’m so glad you finally realized that you know me! I’ve been helping Ron with his letters, of course, but it’s not the same as being able to write to you personally. I do hope that everything is going well with you, wherever you are.

So far, we’ve managed to keep the fact that we’re corresponding with you a secret. The only ones who know are you, me, Ron, and Professor Dumbledore. I think Ginny - that’s Ron’s sister, if you didn’t know - might suspect something because she saw Hedwig flying out of my dormitory window after dropping off your letter, but she hasn’t said anything outright.” I can hardly believe how amazing your characterization skills are. Hermione is just so on target in this chapter. The fact that her answers to Harry’s letters are so much longer is just …wonderful. You have the subtle knack that I’d say I lack, even, when it comes to characterization (and I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it).

I can tell you’ve really grown into your story at this point and it’s coming very naturally.

Harry’s hesitation at telling his friends his location is a testament to his fear. Having amnesia has to be such a frightening experience. I do think you could bring this fear out a bit more. Anyone would be dead scared to learn so many terrible/interesting/bold things all at once.

“Er, would you mind if- Could I have it then?” Tyler asked, looking extremely uncomfortable. “I mean, she is really pretty. Plus, it’s way cool to have a photo that moves.” I am so incredibly creeped out that Tyler wants the photo. I won’t say why I think he wants it, but it’s enough to say that I don’t want to know what it looks like after a couple of weeks.

Fabulous job as usual!


Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate all the work you did as my mod. The update speed was incredible.

I\'ve always tried really hard to keep my characterizations believable, although I\'m not generally one to sit there and agonize over it. I just imagine what the character would say/do and then write it. *shrug* Still, it\'s always gratifying to hear that I\'ve gotten the characters right. It bugs me to read stories where Ron\'s an idiot (or, at the other end of the spectrum, a sensitive romantic), etc.

As for dragging out Harry\'s hesitation to tell his friends where he is, I could have emphasized it a bit more, but by this point my readers and I just wanted to get things rolling, so I may have rushed it a bit. Oh, and don\'t worry about Tyler: he was just uncomfortable asking for the photo because it\'s awkward asking one of your friends for a picture of his ex-girlfriend. Tyler has very little contact with girls and is totally infatuated with magic, so it\'s only natural for him to be interested in the picture. But he didn\'t want it for... well... THAT. *shudder*

Once again, thank you very much for modding and then for coming back to review. I really appreciate it. :-)

 
Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 04/22/07 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12: “I smell a rat.”

Onward!

“Suddenly, he saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and shifted his position on the floor to be able to see it better. The pointed nose of a rat was protruding from the large crack in the wall that Hassseth had been staring at only a few minutes ago. Cautiously, never ceasing to sniff the air, the rat emerged from the crack. As it stepped forward, Harry’s breath caught in his throat; the rat’s right front paw was a metallic silver color, almost as if it had been dipped into a bath of molten silver and hadn’t yet had a chance to dry.” You’ve got such a wonderful description here. Instead of saying the rat ‘stepped’, I would have used a more sensory term, like ‘scratched’ so that the reader could really hear its presence. I have to admit that the idea of Hassseth eating Pettigrew cracks me up. It would be such an anticlimactic end for him.

Oh no! I think it was a good move to have Pettigrew change form as the poison sunk in (if Hassseth was truly poisonous, even to humans?) and simultaneously freak Harry out. It’s a time for some more answers, even if Harry doesn’t like them. I think this is an interesting way of reintroducing Harry to his ‘fate’. I wonder if he’ll accept it the same way this time around.

The fight scene is drawn out, which I liked. A complaint that I do have about the actual HP series is that the fight scenes tend to end with just a few spells. All the ones Peter used were well-known to Harry and matched my estimation of Peter’s abilities and intelligence, and therefore it was very realistic.

A sudden pounding on the door caused Harry to leap to his feet, his frazzled senses on alert. After preparing himself to curse the caller if necessary, he asked, in the calmest voice he could muster, “Who’s there?” Again, the reaction is very natural for what he’s been through. You’ve got a great skill.

“He wondered briefly whether this broom had belonged to the rat-wizard, but a sudden sound to his left stole his attention.” It is certainly too easy to just have a broom lying there, but this line made it believable. You do push the boundaries of suspension of disbelief, but you always make up for it.

“Not knowing a spell for dousing fires, he did the only thing he could think of: he made a slashing motion with his hand while saying, “Diffindo,” severing the burning portions from the rest of his broom’s tail. Immediately, he noticed that the broom’s response seemed more sluggish than it had been a moment ago.” Just wonderful. I would imagine that would throw its aerodynamics off.

I’d clap if I wouldn’t look retarded doing that here. You’re doing so amazing!


Author's Response: Thank you so much! This was really the pivotal chapter of the story, and at the same time the hardest to write because of what happens to Hassseth. From what I read on the Internet, an adder\'s venom would be plenty potent enough to kill a human, but they inject so little when they bite that it would normally only be lethal to the very sick/weak. However, when you combine the fact that Wormtail was a rat when he was bitten with his idiotic move of squeezing her head with the fangs still embedded in him, I think having him die is realistic enough.

I\'m glad you enjoyed the fight scene. It\'s actually been a while since I read a duel in the actual books, and the ones I read in fanfiction are usually much longer than what I write, so it\'s good to get a positive comment on that. Thanks! I really appreciate all of your thoughts. You\'re right that I tend to push the boundaries of believability, but I do try to always offer an explanation. I\'m glad you liked it.

 
Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 04/22/07 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13: The Burrow

“She may have been a snake, but she was more human to Harry than most people he knew. He lay there among the trees, motionless, for a long time, just allowing the sorrow to envelop him.” I feel so bad for Harry. She was such a central animal figure in his life- much like the role BuckBeak played for the years prior. A protector and just someone to talk to.

“…but I couldn’t write it. Is that normal?” I may have been the only reader not to understand it up until this point, but I finally get it! And it makes me wonder who cast the Fidelius spell. And who the Secret Keeper is.

“So now I get out of Transfiguration and I didn’t even have to pretend to be sick. Thanks!” Ha ha. I adore your Ron. Always seeing the good in getting out of class. Very nice.

I love that Harry stops at a petrol station, of all places, to ask for directions. It brings the reader back to a place where they’re reminded that Hogwarts, magic, all exists in a realm that is distinctly Muggle.

And sigh. You’ve had Molly and Arthur become suspicious of Harry. You have a true talent with fan fiction. I have to wonder if you ever write original work. It’s so real, it’s tangible, and my mind doesn’t scream, “This isn’t JKR!” Actually, she doesn’t even register when I read your story, because the writing is so distinctive in my head as how the story SHOULD be.

Molly is bossy and eccentric as ever, and very mommy-like.

I realized I haven’t mentioned it so far. Your grammar is wonderful. Your word choices and sentence structures flow effortlessly, your punctuation is in the right place at the right time. I’m awed by your work.

Thanks for another great chapter!


Author's Response: Thank you very much! I still feel terrible for letting Wormtail kill Hassseth. It was one of those things that had to happen for the plot to work out right, but I definitely didn\'t want to do it.

I\'m glad that the story seems to flow. I haven\'t written any original fiction (yet) but I have plans to at some point in the vague future. After I\'m out of grad school. But it makes me feel good to know that I write in such a way that I\'m not constantly inspiring unfavorable comparisons with JKR. ;-)

Thanks for the comment about my grammar, also. I firmly believe that I learned everything I know about grammar from reading a lot as a kid (because I know I learned nothing about it in school). All around, thank you for the wonderful, thought-out review.

 

A Holiday Haunting by Gmariam
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 14]

Summary: Harry, Ron, and Hermione are enjoying Christmas at the Burrow when an unexpected ghost begins taunting them with strange voices, eerie laughter, and cruel tricks. Can they help the bitter spirit move on, or will the ghost of a former enemy continue to haunt them?

This story was written by Gmariam of Ravenclaw for the December Challenge, Things That Go Bump in the Night. It received second place!


Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 5481 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/10/06 Updated: 12/10/06


Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 01/25/07 Title: Chapter 1: A Holiday Haunting

“Ron gazed contentedly around the cozy room. Fred and George were sitting in a corner with Ginny, quietly showing her one of their newest products. Their father was talking softly with Remus Lupin about Order business, as Nymphadora Tonks tried to help clean up in the kitchen. Ron heard a particularly loud crash, followed by a muffled apology and an exasperated sigh. Tonks appeared in the doorway, shrugged sheepishly when Lupin glanced up at her, and joined Bill and Fleur in conversation by the fire. Charlie patted her on the shoulder as he stood to help his mother in the other room; Ron was glad, as he didn’t particularly feel like moving from the sofa.”

I’m not a big fan of scenes like these, where someone tries to portray a room of activity. I had to reread the paragraph in order to grasp all the activity. Maybe spacing it out could help smooth it. There just seems to be too much going on in that short of a reading time. As far as these types of paragraphs go, it was good though.

Harry shrugged. “Sure,” he replied dully, then smiled sadly. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. One last game before we . . .” he left the rest unsaid, and Ron quickly stood up before the conversation turned gloomy.

This is just an excellent example of how well you are portraying Harry here. He’s sullen, but not in a morose, teenage angst sort of way. You show that he’s got a lot on his mind, but still carefully skirt around the issue, just as Ron would. You stick with point-of-view in this story very well, too.

“George! I know you’re there, come out and reverse this or else!”

I think ‘come out’ should be a new sentence.

“You sleep with your wand, you prat,” growled Ron, and Harry laughed.

I’m not sure why, but this line really made me laugh. It’s so difficult to find an author that can portray Ron in a realistic way, instead of reducing him to an annoying dunce. You are so great at characterization! I’m really, really impressed.

“Pooottteeerrr!” The voice was familiar. A face full of ice stopped his second shout, and Harry found himself flung backwards into a large pile of snow. He stood quickly and an otherworldly laughter filled the air as another shower of snow rained down on him from the dark.

This is just another example of excellent description. You have a way of setting a scene, setting a mood, without being too verbose.

On another anal retentive note, Wizarding world needs to be capitalized.

I love the ending, even if it felt like it came a bit too quickly. It felt slightly rushed. Still, it was a believable ending that was not quite fluffy, but nice just the same. You’ve got wonderful grammar skills, great characterization and a flow that makes your one-shot a fast read.



Author's Response: Oh my! What an amazing review! This must be a SPEW review, yes? *SQUEE!* Thank you so much for reading this story! I really appreciate all of your comments. *blushes and then takes notes* It is so encouraging to hear what one is doing well. I really try to stay true to JKR\'s characters, and I\'m so happy I\'ve succeeded, especially with poor Ron. I\'m glad you enjoyed the descriptions, I always think I should do more. It is also so helpful to know what one\'s readers may find not-so-good, like rushed endings. I could see expanding on this one a bit, now that I think about it. Plus it\'s something I can look out for in future stories *thinks about current challenge entry* Thank you so much for both the compliments and constructive criticism!! ~Gina :)

 

Wolves of Gomorrah by Lycanthropist
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 5]

Summary: When Greyback had first established the Underground, he had not anticipated the place to become so primitive and instinctual. He understood the wolves’ needs to fulfill their bodily functions and drives, but his need to infect was stronger.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Sexual Situations, Violence

Word count: 1054 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/07/07 Updated: 01/07/07


Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 01/08/07 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

Hello, darling Kay! I am finally reviewing my favorite author’s work!

So, I think I hardly have to say that I’m very excited you’ve embarked on this particular project. I really like how you are moving past Remus and getting to know a less savory character, one that demands a lot of action and not much thought. (Though you know I love Journey to Perfection as well.)

I love the basic idea of how you think of werewolf society. In a way, it’s similar to animal groups in nature. They live together, mate with one another. However, you’ve really used the inherent evilness of the werewolf to twist it into a seedy underground, one full of sex and blood and lust for both.

“Greyback was quite intrigued at how attracted the blonde one seemed to be toward the new wolf; it did not sit well with him that she was. She had stopped mid-bathing, and confidently strode to where the omega shyly washed his upper body.” I thought this part was really interesting. Obviously, Greyback’s bitten Lupin before, but does he feel the urge to do so now that he’s a werewolf? If Lupin sleeps with the blond, doesn’t that mean that Greyback will have to attack him to maintain his status in the pack? There is an alpha male above Greyback as well, though, if I read this correctly.

“When the moon’s light had finally reached its height, his muscles tingled in anticipation and his lips upturned into a feral grin. His entire body quivered and his bones dislocated, enlarging and becoming stronger as he soon found himself on all fours at the woman’s back door.” I love your description of his transformation, and it seems as if he actually enjoys the transformation- as in, that he’s masochistic. I wonder if maybe the fact that his sexuality has dwindled is because he can’t enjoy sexual activity without him inflicting pain. This brings on a whole new dimension when you think he particularly has a fondness for infecting children.

I did not see any errors or any places where the wording tripped me up. I think you’ve written a fabulous, creepy one-shot of which to be proud!

 

Aspiration by Cinderella Angelina
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 7]

Summary: Susan's a bit worried about O.W.L. Potions. If she doesn't get an O, she won't be able to be a Healer, which she's dreamed of all her life.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1536 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/08/07 Updated: 01/11/07


Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 01/22/07 Title: Chapter 1: Aspiration

Woo, may as well start in on the people I have never reviewed before. I suppose I will get right to it.

“Don’t you try and tell me it’s nothing.” Sally-Anne Perks said, sitting down next to Susan and enveloping her in a hug. There needs to be a comma after ‘nothing’.

“So, how about we respect his wishes and stop this teariness.” While this could work as a statement, it’s written like a question, and that’s how I read it in my head. It works either way, but I would prefer it to read as a question.

“Susan tried not to blush as Justin Finch-Fletchley came over to join them. She hoped it wasn’t too obvious she’d been crying, but there was small chance of that. In fact, she caught him looking sharply at her before turning to Sally-Anne with a smile.” I really loved the subtle interaction in this paragraph. It conveys a lot of information in such a short paragraph.

As a whole, I thought it was an excellent character analysis, and you really put your own spin on her. I would have liked to have seen more references to her past and other memories, but it’s a one-shots and those have some limitations. The macaroons and the Charms scores were such tiny tidbits of her life, but were poignant. I also particularly loved the conversation Susan had with her mother regarding her scores. It was wonderful.


Author's Response: Thanks, Lex. I appreciate your feedback. :)

 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 02/24/07 Title: None

I really loved this prologue! It’s refreshing to read a story that supposes Voldemort wins, though winning is purely subjective in this case, I think. I do have a little quibble: I don’t believe Narcissa was a Death Eater. She probably supported them and was aware of all their plans, but I don’t think she had the audacity or gall to actually be one of his closest followers. There were very likely hoards of people like her that helped Voldemort, but were not of the inner circle.

Also, does Voldemort call himself that? Or does he call himself the Dark Lord? Lord Voldemort? Something to consider from his point of view.

I liked the memories of the Death Chamber quite a bit. The blast scene could have been drawn out and described more, because it came as a bit of shock to me and I wasn’t sure what had happened. You characterize him very well, as well as Bellatrix. The story itself flowed very well, and I never stumbled upon an odd phrase.

I'm not quite sure what the purpose of the memory is, since we already know all about that, but I suppose the point of that scene comes later.

I suppose that’s a long way of saying I liked your story. :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! This is my first story here, and I\'m so happy it got accepted. Narcissa was there more as a supporter rather than having an actual role in the battle. And I figured that Voldemort wouldn\'t want to even think of himself as \"Tom\", he fashioned a new name, and that was Lord Voldemort. It\'d get a bit tedious typing out \"Lord Voldemort\" though... >.< Thank you again! <3

 

THE CARDINAL CURSES by BB Ruth
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 124]

Summary: Six years after Harry kills Voldemort, he finds himself living away from the friends he grew up with and the family that embraced him. A recurring dream forces him back and discovers that Hermione needs his help to catch a murderer. One problem - she doesn't want his help. HHr ship.

Categories: Mystery Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Violence

Word count: 128295 Chapters: 32 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/20/07 Updated: 09/09/07


Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 02/24/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Red Haired Man

I thought your story was extremely well written, but a bit advanced for what Harry’s age is. The narrative sounds like it is from the point of view of a thirty-something woman, when the point of view of Harry at this time would be…well…certainly less mature. I spotted a few Americanisms and some grammar problems, but nothing glaring or overly obvious.

Toward the middle, it was a bit difficult to concentrate on what was being said, done and thought. I think simplifying the word choices and bringing something physical to Harry’s attention would help quite a bit with that.

The emotions in this story also seem somewhat disconnected from the person feeling them. It’s almost as how someone feels when their ears are blocked off, and they’re meant to be in the middle of an important conversation. I think grounding Harry (since this is a limited third person pov) into his body and making him more aware of what’s going on with it might help with this.

You’ve got Hermione’s character down pretty well, and I like how you’ve used Ginny to explain the proposal predicament to Harry, who would not understand on his own. You’ve created a very strong depressed tone in this story which will set you up really well for both very positive and/or rather downcast events. The language flows very smoothly, and is a great lead-in to a long story.

 
Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 02/24/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Red Haired Man

I thought your story was extremely well written, but a bit advanced for what Harry’s age is. The narrative sounds like it is from the point of view of a thirty-something woman, when the point of view of Harry at this time would be…well…certainly less mature. I spotted a few Americanisms and some grammar problems, but nothing glaring or overly obvious.

Toward the middle, it was a bit difficult to concentrate on what was being said, done and thought. I think simplifying the word choices and bringing something physical to Harry’s attention would help quite a bit with that.

The emotions in this story also seem somewhat disconnected from the person feeling them. It’s almost as how someone feels when their ears are blocked off, and they’re meant to be in the middle of an important conversation. I think grounding Harry (since this is a limited third person pov) into his body and making him more aware of what’s going on with it might help with this.

You’ve got Hermione’s character down pretty well, and I like how you’ve used Ginny to explain the proposal predicament to Harry, who would not understand on his own. You’ve created a very strong depressed tone in this story which will set you up really well for both very positive and/or rather downcast events. The language flows very smoothly, and is a great lead-in to a long story.


Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I appreciate the con-crits. This is my first fan fic and your points are well taken. I never did pay much attention to POV particularly in these early chapters and I have in some instances taken the liberty to make the view a bit more omnipotent to serve my purpose. There will likely be more Americanisms/dialogue/grammatical errors (still searching for a beta) but I hope they can be forgiven for the storyline and plot. After all, this is all for our enjoyment and pleasure. Thanks again!

 

Priorities by Skipper424
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary:

The Great Wizard War has ended and a lot of things have changed in the magical world as a result. Perhaps the most significant change is the fact that the existence of wizards and witches is no longer a secret to Muggles. Hermione Granger is the new head of the Muggle Liaison Office and her life has become hectic since the end of the war. Historically under utilized and under funded, the Muggle Liaison Office has become one of the busiest arms of the Ministry. Ten to eighteen hour days have become standard for her and it is beginning to take a serious toll on her personal life, namely in her relationship with Ron.

This story was written for the February One-Shot Challenge and got an honourable mention!



Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 4984 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/24/07 Updated: 02/24/07


Reviewer: AlexisTaylor Signed
Date: 02/24/07 Title: Chapter 1: Priorities

This story was so well characterized, I nearly fell off my chair. You've made Ron into a belieably similar, yet grown-up version of himself, while Hermione...well. She hasn't changed, but she's definitely believeable. There was one place where Ron asked a question, but there was a comma there instead. There was also an odd description that needed some dashes, but otherwise, I didn't spot any clear mistakes. Your use of the English language reminded me that these stories are meant to be British in nature.

I love that you've made both characters have valid points of view. So often, arguments aren't simply about one person being wrong, but differing points of view. You wrote them well together, and I loved that.

I could have stood to see a deeper characterization on Harry and Ginny, though. Their own separation seemed odd and without substance or reasoning. I would probably change the pairings of this story to simply Ron/Hermione for that reason. Of course, there's always the possibility of adding a second 'one-shot' to this story explaining Harry/Ginny.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you how wonderful this story is. I love great characterization and drink it up whenever I can!

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for leaving the wonderful review! I love all the details that you have given here and I am thrilled that you liked the story. I would like to respond to a couple of things you commented on in your review.

First, I believe I found the error you mention where a comma was used instead of a question mark. I will correct that as soon as I get a moment to do so. Also, I wondered if the odd description that needed dashes was that part about the sunlight chasing the darkness behind the furnace? Does that ring a bell? Perhaps I can rework that section a little bit. At the very least, I can put the dashes in.

As far as Ginny and Harry, yes, their relationship could use more depth, detail, and explanation. I thought that was too large a subject to tackle in a one-shot about Ron and Hermione, however (did I say this was Ron / Hermione and Harry / Ginny? *checking what I did* It should only be Ron / Hermione). I could do another one-shot explaining what in the world has happened with those two. All of these things, as well as a couple of one-shots I have written about an OC of mine, explain the state of world and of certain people before my chaptered story, The Curse, begins. I did half-consciously avoid going into details about Harry and Ginny (though not with the preconceived notion of writing a one-shot about them – even though you realizing you’ve just planted a seed … ha ha!).

Thanks for the great review, AlexisTaylor. I really appreciate the positive feedback as well as the suggestions for improvement.

Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Unexploded Bombs by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Dudley Dursley has just experienced the death of his elderly father Vernon from...
Ginny's Big Decision by dg04 1st-2nd Years
After Dumbledore's Funeral, Harry tells Ginny that they can't be together anymore...
Little Lions by SexY_LydZ 6th-7th Years
On a stormy October evening, a letter, a late night trip to the library and...
FEATURED
Going Against Salazar's Grain by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
"Sometimes," said Dumbledore, "we sort too soon." Originally writtten for...
Whispers in the Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
"Swear to me, Cissy. Swear you won't tell." It's a secret, and it haunts...
Fear and Loathing in Florida (Mostly Loathing) by minnabird 3rd-5th Years
Scabior and Greyback had to escape the Aurors somehow - they just hadn't expected...
Just Before Healing by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
With Hannah, things always go to yellow.
In Bloom by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
It figures that he ignores the other side of roses. Thorns fit to draw blood...
Magical by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ginny and her brothers sneak down the stairs to look at presents, but instead...
CATEGORIES