Hooray! It was validated! (This is your beta, by the way.) I knew it would be -- this is such a touching story, and I can't find a single mistake, if I do say so myself. :) You have great description, great dialogue, humour, poignancy, romance, mystery, mistletoe, Sirius . . . in short, everything you need for a perfect Christmas story. Good work! I can't wait to see more of your stuff!
Author's Response: Thanks. You deserve some of the credit too! :) You really helped a lot. Thanks so much!
Hey LB! What a sweet story! I love that Harry cared about Hermione enough to make her take a break from studying, and I love that Hermione let him! Aww!
Author's Response: Thank you! Happy Holidays, LB
I laughed so hard! I read it out loud to my younger brothers -- they laughed, too! I LOVE
how OOC -- and yet stil IC -- everyone is.
My favorite parts --
Draco getting Crucio'ed for singing 'I Feel Pretty'
Dumbledore saying 'what the friggin hell'
'because we all know towels donít fall off when loosely tied'
'What, does everyone get a spasm when typing my name so they surprisingly and unknowingly hit the M-button?! ďZambiniĒ, honestly! Itís sound like a tribe from Burkina FasoÖĒ
'he had benefited greatly from sitting on a broom'
Soooo funny! I applaud your creativity! And I'm so glad the mods accepted it! *squee*
Author's Response: Lol, I\'m glad you enjoyed it so much. I\'m pleased to hear you liked all those parts! Thanks for the great review, Joybelle.
Hi Suzie! Okay, firstly, this is an extremely belated thank you for the totally amazing banner you made for my WIP story. Itís still my favourite Ö and secondly, I donít really do poetry, but I will try my best. *smiles* Iím exceedingly impressed with the beauty of this.
Where to start? Iím trying to remember all the poetry terms from high school Ö Letís see. Imagery, metaphor, and simile Ė I loved the way you used tulips here. In the first section, the tulips seem like the family coming to mourn, remembering the fallen, but then going back to their daily life. And they come every year.
Iím not an expert on poetic grammar, but in the second stanza, third line, I would use a comma instead of a semi-colon, and the same thing in the third stanza, second line.
Oh, Suzie, this second section makes my heart ache. Itís just so achingly beautiful. Iím trying to pick out a favourite line from that section, but I just want to quote the whole thing! The part that made me want to cry was in retrospect to the sweet spring that he loved. *tear* And the petals that frame his life Ö that again makes me think of the family, upholding the memories of the fallen, celebrating his life instead of dwelling on his death. They donít want to let go of him, but they canít help it Ė thatís the way life is. They want to forget him, because it hurts to think of him, but when they do forget, it hurts more to know that they were able to be happy without him. Such beautiful, powerful metaphors. And then you start and end with the soft dewdrops! Lovely.
The third stanza is also so powerful. Especially after reading DH and feeling the anguish of the Order losing the battle, thinking that Harry had died Ö I donít know how they could have born it if he hadnít come back. Total devastation, even if his death had saved them all. This section especially has great rhythm and rhyme, and again, the imagery and personification of the tulips is perfect. Iím amazed at your ability to tell the story without explicitly stating what is happening. Just Ö guh. Itís simply astounding.
*contented sigh* The final section ties everything together, doesnít it? It has echoes of each preceding section, with mentions of Time, fresh life, colour, grey, dewdrops, and dust. The family (which Iím pretty sure is the Weasleys at this point) has mourned, but they know that Harry wouldnít want them to dwell on his death, so they stand tall and move on with their lives, living them in ways that would never have been possible if he hadnít died. And every year, theyíll remember and mourn for him, but life will still go on. What a perfect message.
Suzie, dear, I heart this poem. Itís just as beautiful and intricate as your banners, if not more so. I love that you can paint beautiful pictures with words just as well as you can with colour and images. Iím definitely adding this to my favourites. Thank you so much for this utter gem. Itís seriously made my day. *loves*
Author's Response: Abigail! Well Ö this is an extremely belated response to your review Ö so weíre even. *giggle*
I chose the theme of ďTulipsĒ pretty randomly to be honest Ė I was going through my Tulips phase where everything I wrote, every graphic I made, had to have some sort of tulip slipped in. Looking back, Iím quite glad that I used it for this poem Ė I think it sort of fits.
Thanks for the tip about semi colons, Iíll go check it out! Iím glad you liked those lines. With the petals framing the Ďlife of colourí I was sort of thinking of a grave, with photos of Harry and the family/friends placed around the flowers, with perhaps flowers growing over them in time, like the frame of a picture.
Iím glad that you liked the third stanza. The style and structure of the poem is directly paralleled to ďAt a Potato DiggingĒ by Seamus Heaney, which talks about the Irish people during the 19th century famine. I loved the way that the third part of that poem was more intense, faster paced and powerful than the rest, so I wanted to bring this out here as well.
And yes, the family is the Weasleys. I think that if Harry had died, they would definitely be the family that visited him so regularly as, well, they more are less are family anyway.
Iím so glad you like this poem hon, thanks a lot for reviewing!! ~Suzie
Jenna, I stumbled upon this one-shot by pure accident, and Iím so glad I did! I think the title drew me in Ö
I have to say, every time I read one of your fics, Iím more and more impressed with your talent, and obviously, this story is no exception. I loved everything about this Ė the dialogue, the characterisation, the argument, the description, the beginning, middle, and end. Everything was just fabulous.
Youíve captured Salazar and Rowenaís character perfectly. Salazar is so slippery, so cunning in his arguments Ė as I was reading, I tried to put myself in Rowenaís position, trying to come up with counter-arguments, but it was tricky. He kept twisting her words and using them against her Ė it was creepy. But Rowena never gave in. She kept her head, arguing back intelligently despite the breaking of her heart. Amazing. I donít know how you managed to portray both so well.
The beginning of the fic, with its intense description, captured me right away. I was aching for Rowena before I finished the first paragraph, and my heart broke with hers as I continued. She seems so puzzled Ė she needs to understand, but at the same time, she honestly can never understand.
Iím also very impressed with the formality of their speech. Iíve seen other writers attempt to write this way and fail, but youíve definitely succeeded. Even though it seems stilted and you used big words, I can tell what they mean and what theyíre really saying. Itís fabulous. This fic needed the formality, I think, because the issue is too powerful for everyday speech. Also, it takes place a long time ago, so the characters would have spoken in such a manner. It reminded me of Jane Austen, actually. Well done.
I did notice a few punctuation issues, though, the most important being a question mark where I believe you intended an exclamation point.
ďSalazar. Please. Do not leave. Do not do this. What you are doing is wrong?Ē
Iím pretty sure that should be an exclamation point there at the end, but I could be wrong. Also, Iíve noticed that you have a tendency to add a comma after starting a sentence with ďandĒ or ďbut.Ē Generally, thatís not necessary, and it can be a little distracting, not to mention incorrect. I think I saw that twice in this fic, but itís not a big deal. Those were the only mistakes I found Ė excellently done, Jenna. I love this.
MATE. Guh. I totally read this way back when you first submitted it, and I fell in love with this pairing immediately! You ... just ... wow ... and they ... and then that kiss ... and the name-calling ... guh.
Where did you come up with this idea? It's absolutely brilliant! I love the way Tonks and Charlie interact. You've characterised them so awesomely, and it's so clear that they go together like puzzle pieces. Of course, in this little snapshot they're only fighting with each other, but I can tell that their ability to read each other will be key in their relationship.
And holy wow! The sexual tension! Gah! Amazing, Steph. I wasn't sure how you were going to get them to reconcile, but that just grabbing and snogging to shut him up was perfect.
And now, although you know I have absolutely no skill or experience in this arena, I must say I would have liked to see the kiss scene extended just a teensy bit more. Maybe shock that they enjoyed it so much? What exactly was Tonks thinking when she grabbed him like that? What did she think afterwards? I love that you leave it up to our imagination, but ... well, that's just me being a hopeless romantic, even if I can't write it very well!
And really, that's the only critique I have. This whole one-shot is just absolutely lovely and it's just love. I would totally read more of this pairing from you, Steph dear. *hugs*
Author's Response: I love you, my Abbi. My Abs, my ABu. I love this review. Because.. you basically brought out the playfullness & hints at the possibility for smut >.> (wink wink, nudge nudge, thrust thrust!) and I\'ll be extending that little scene. I don\'t usually compromise my fiction, but this was a little bit of a rush job, and I regret it a little. So thanks for the help, love!
Woo-hoo! *squee* That was so fast! I just love this fic, as I'm sure you know ... and great title!
I really felt Ron and Hermione's pain ... and I liked that you focused more on their perspective, since most Last Battle scenes are told entirely from Harry's point of view.
I'm just so excited for you! Great work, Lindsey!
Author's Response: Te he! Thanks Abigail! Everyone, this fic would be absolutely a big fat goose egg with this girl! *huggles Abigail* Thanks so much for doing this, and thanks so much for your loverly compliments! ~Lindsey :)
Bellatrix and Tom Riddle—two of the most enigmatic characters in Harry Potter—have puzzled writers and readers alike since their equally horrifying introductions. Why did Bellatrix believe she was Lord Voldemort’s most dedicated and favored follower? Why did the Dark Lord indulge a woman he could have squashed like an insignificant bug; why did he allow her to continue in her ‘delusions,’ if, indeed, they were delusions?
I believe that these allowances are not simply coincidences. Why should the most feared dark wizard of all time cater to a pawn? There must have been prior connections between the two to create this bond.
In “Black as Snow,” we glimpse a snippet of Tom Riddle’s life at Hogwarts, his (hypothetical) introduction to Bellatrix, and, afterwards, the special bond the witch and wizard shared … then, and now.
Created for the wonderful rita_skeeter in MNFF’s Ravenclaw Christmas Exchange, 2006.
Wow! This is so good! I was hooked from the beginning, and you have such a way with words! Your word pictures are as beautiful as your banners ... and that's saying a lot!
And I've never felt sympathy for Tom while reading a fanfic. That really takes talent ... I'm so impressed! This is definitely going on my favourites list!
One thing confused me, though. At first, you describe the girl's eyes as amethyst, but later, you say that there is brown in them ... just thought I'd point that out -- it might not be a mistake, but it puzzled me.
I can't wait to see where this goes!
Author's Response: Thank you, Abigail, for the wonderful review! You\'re so sweet *hugs* for all that you said about my imagery ... and my banners! =) I\'m thrilled that you\'re enjoying the story, and thank you for the comprehensive review...
Which leads to my mistake. *blushes* You see, originally, I\'d had the girl with purple eyes, believe it or not. *grins* However, my beta nixed that right away, because purple eyes are extremely uncommon. She\'s right; I don\'t know where I got the idea. *smiles* Anyway, I changed her eye color everywhere else to a turbulent brown. Thank you for noticing that \"amethyst\" reference, though, I\'m ever grateful ... and I changed it. =)
As for sympathizing with Tom, I do, too. =) Poor guy; he didn\'t have a good childhood, and, well... Who wouldn\'t turn into a horrid monster after that desertion? Well, maybe not. =) But the thought is nice.
Thank you, again, for your help and for your compliments. I\'m so glad you\'re liking the story so far.
Julia, this is so good. Your writing style is very mature, in my opinion Ė this chapter reads as though it were a novel, not a fanfic. I don't know how you do it Ė your choice of words, your descriptions, the way Bellatrix is detached yet passionate, analytical yet impulsive, or maybe the offhand yet real way you use "strong language". It's very impressive. I'm jealous.
Your characters aren't one-dimensional in the slightest! They have multiple motivations, they're entrancing while at the same time being repulsive (sexy Rodolphus? omg.), they're absolutely fascinating. I want to read more about every person you introduced; I want to see the way they interact, because it seems so real and unexpected, almost shocking. Again, very mature Ė it actually reminds me of Ken Follet's writing style, a little bit.
ďWhat are you reading?Ē he purred, quite clearly thinking that the mere sound of his voice was enough to send Bellatrix into an auditory-induced orgasm.
*dies* I love it. Bwahaha. What a perfect way to describe it Ė not only the way some guys act, but the way some fanfic writers write them. Hee.
I'm not sure what my favourite part of this chapter is. I love Bellatrix and Rodolphus's little exchange, and Bellatrix and Tom are just hot, but Tom and Dumbledore Ö wow. It's fascinating to read this from Tom's POV, and to see how much pain Dumbledore must be in to know that the man in front of him is pure evil, but there's nothing he can do about it, and at the same time he truly cares about Tom. It's brilliant.
The next time he met that useless old man, he swore to himself, he would kill him.
But he doesn't, does he? LOL. I bet that drives him insane. Um. No pun intended. *cough*
ďI am He,Ē he murmured, his voice slightly amazed, yet at the same time completely assured [Ö]
That line sounds like blasphemy, with the way it echoes God's declaration of being "I AM" in the Bible. Did you do that on purpose? It's intense.
And wow, Narcissa sucks her thumb. What a sweetie. And she's so innocent here Ö well, she is twelve. But that's exactly how twelve-year-olds are. They have their point of view, and that is the way the world is. I like how Narcissa has a purpose in the story Ė someone to be on Bellatrix's side and at the same time have ideals that are completely different, AND still acting like a twelve-year-old.
Please write the next chapter soon? I really want to know what happens! =)
Author's Response: Abigail! I\'m so sorry I\'ve left responding to this absolutely wonderful review \'til now. I\'ve read it several times in the four months that it\'s been here, but I just haven\'t responded. *headdesk* So, again... I\'m sorry. Anyway, now that my apology is out of the way, i can proceed to the response (and the thanks)!\r\n
Thank you for the blush-inducing compliments. I aspire to publish someday, so your positive responses to my endeavours encourage me to no end. I love that you... well, I guess like is not the best word, but, really, I love that you like Bellatrix.\r\n
And, of course, I\'m thrilled that \"sexy Rodolphus\" comes across as more than just a hot, cruel guy who thinks he\'s the stuff. I like that you want to read more about him. (And, of course, LOL, about the Gary-Stu writers, =).)\r\n
You know, I\'m quite pleased that you enjoyed reading Dumbledore/Tom. I wrote that part very quickly and I wasn\'t sure how it would turn out. I\'m pleased to see that it spoke to you.\r\n
Tom, as you\'ve noticed, fancies himself God. I wanted that sentence to echo for the reader--the interpretation of it was totally up to you, so seeing what you did in it (Biblical allusions) is awesome. \r\n
Narcissa. *grins* I love her as a child because she is her own little entity. The Black sisters are all so different; they are, by far, my favourite characters in Harry Potter. Narcissa is, to me, the innocent, the angel of the family. She cares about her family and I think that she really does feel deep emotion and more than a little protectiveness toward her sister. She wants Bellatrix to make the right choices.\r\n
I\'m trying to write the next chapter but it\'s hard with high school ending. It will be out this summer, though. (I hope...)\r\n
*hugs* Thanks again, Abigail!*\r\n
Hi Hannah! *waves* I thought I'd add a REAL review to your new fic ... *cough*
I happen to love fluff, especially about my favourite couple, Harry and Ginny! This scene could have happened -- that's one reason I like it so much. Ginny making Harry a scrapbook of his life was really touching, and I love snowball fights between people in love. And you have a beautiful vocabulary, too!
Um ... I'm not seeing any errors (wonder why -- LOL!) , so no criticism here! Great job, and I think you should seriously consider writing more meaningful fluff for us hopeless romantics! *huggles*
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Abigail!
Hooray! It was validated! I'm so pleased. I can't wait to read chapter two. And I agree with that other reviewer -- your writing does sound remarkably like Jo's. Keep up the great work!
Hi Kim! This is a belated thank you for the beautiful banner that you made me. Iím so glad you made that for me Ė I wouldnít have come across this lovely story otherwise.
This is such a sweet fic! The first time I read it, I missed the mention of their hair colour, so I thought that this could be any couple in the Potterverse. At that point, I really liked that you kept the anonymity of the characters, while still keeping them in character. There really wasnít anything that made it unbelievable. Itís clear that the couple is still very much in love after a year of marriage.
Then I read it again, because I couldnít tell who they were, and I found the brief mentions of their hair colour Ė ďa messy-black-haired manĒ, ďa stray strand of fiery hair, and ďher long red hairĒ Ė and the couple could be James and Lily or Harry and Ginny. After even further examination, it seems that this is meant to be James and Lily, especially considering the stone that matches the womanís eyes, the fact that the war is still going on, the woman is gifted in Charms, the woman is pregnant so soon after her marriage, and sheís due in early August (or late July). I love it even more now, thinking about the tender love Harryís parents had for each other and for their unborn child, even in the midst of terror, fear, and despair. I love knowing that they had happy, peaceful days, even as they fought Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Itís so nice to see a portrayal of James and Lily where they arenít arguing or flirting, but simply being together, content.
Youíve done a great job of setting the scene for the story, with it being cold and windy outside, like the war, but warm and cosy inside, where they have each other and their love. Itís a very pleasing story to read. It just gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. Beautifully written.
Wow. Just ... wow. This is amazing! I've never liked Fleur. I've never been able to see her side of things.
Until now! I love the way you've characterised her! She's amazing! This is the best Fleur fic I've ever read -- and one of the best love stories I've read in a long time!
The handsome red-headed young man with long hair and a fanged earring didn't only seem to emit danger, but held a sense of casual indifference towards anything - a casual indifference that Fleur found very alluring. Fleur decided that she would change that, and make it so that he wasn't indifferent to her.
What a great description of Bill -- and I love Fleur's motivation! Completely believable.
"Good, because that would kind of step on the toes of what I was about to say: Fleur, will you marry me?"
Ha-ha! I love this ...
And ... just a couple nit-picks -- hope you don't mind!
Of course, she would never admit any of those things to anyone, let alone Bill Weasley - whose name she sound found out.
I think you mean soon, yes?
And I was disappointed that Bill said he wanted to marry her because the sex was good. I know he was just joking, but ... naive little me would have preferred not to know that they'd ... you know ... done it!
Okay. That's all ... Everything else was just lovely! I'm definitely going to have to go read more of your stuff! Jenna is one lucky girl ...
Okay. Yes, Iíve already reviewed, but I have more to say! So Ö here goes!
I think I mentioned that I didnít like Fleur before reading this fic, and that has a lot to do with the POV of the books Ė we only see Fleur from Harryís perspective, and never from her own. But this! This is amazing! Youíve transformed Phlegm into a wonderful, strong woman who is deeply loyal to her family. She is afraid of commitment, and she seems to have been hurt before, probably by some idiot who liked her only for her beauty. All of that is so real! I really identified with her as a person.
And then Ö thereís Bill! Wow. I mean, I sort of had a crush on him when Harry described him, but this! Again, amazing. I think Iím in love. He loves Fleur for her mind, for who she is, and not just for her beauty. He appreciates her as a person. He is also strong, for he braves her motherís criticism and ultimately decides to give her up rather than force her away from her family. THAT is love. Wow.
And Ö the ending! OMG. I loved their argument. I loved the way Bill convinced her that he truly loves her! Wow. The way he went on and on about why he loves her, why he wants to spend his life with her Ö guh. Iím jealous. And Ö one of my favourite things about love Ö they made sacrifices for each other, sacrifices to make their relationship work. Again, THAT is love. Itís not fun, and itís not comfortable, but itís totally worth it in the end.
Oh, and on my fifth read-through I spotted that Roger Daviesí name was spelt wrong Ė it should be Davies, not Davis. Thatís all.
Thank you so much for sharing this story! It is one of absolute favourites. Iíve read it over and over, and I just know Iíll keep coming back to it. Itís a fabulous love story, and itís incredibly unique. *loves*
Oh Ö this is so heart-breaking. I never imagined that Remusís transformations would be this way. Oh, Iím just aching for him! I canít even think how horribly terrifying that must be for him. Heís so young, and he thinks itís his fault! Wow. If you were trying to make your readers cry for him, then youíve definitely succeeded here. This oneshot isnít very long, and thereís scarcely any dialogue, but youíve portrayed Remusís agony and tortured thoughts so clearly and poignantly. Your descriptions are fantastic, and the way youíve delved into the mind of a six year old is brilliant. Well done!
Abigail, Knight of the Turnip Table
Oh, wow. This is just amazing. So dark, so beautiful, so powerful! The descriptions just pulled me right in from the beginning. You were able to convey so much emotion without speech, which I found so intriguing. I've never been sucked in by prose that way before.
I loved the way you portrayed the Founders, Salazar especially. He was captivating, and I could see why Rowena would fall in love with him. He was nearly intoxicating Ė but to the point of death, almost. It was so clear to me that Rowena had to kill him. She had to Ė she had to do it to save herself from drowning in his darkness, and to save him from himself. It was so powerful.
I also was swept away by the short sections. Less really is more! It was just incredible how much you told us in those small paragraphs. And the imagery of the silver all the way through ... wow. It's just incredible, and I'm running out of words to tell you how moved I was and how amazing this is. Well done.
Author's Response: Thank you! It\'s funny - when I\'m trying to capture strong emotion, I find myself using either very little dialogue, or almost all dialogue. I have yet to find a nice in between balance. That said, I\'m delighted that you found the prose so powerful! As for Salazar being intoxicating, that\'s exactly the feeling I wanted him to have - that exact word! I\'m very glad you thought so!
Hello, Katty dear! Iím finally getting this SPEW Buddy review in Ö itís only a month late Ö *facepalm*
Well, I hadnít read this since I beta read it for you! It seems like forever ago, but it hasnít even been a year. I remember I was impressed with your writing style back then, and that hasnít changed! Re-reading this now, Iím completely overcome by its authenticity, simplicity, and poignancy.
Lunaís voice and emotions sound exactly the way I would expect someone whoíd lost two people to suicide. I can empathise with what sheís going through Ė youíve made her feelings very clear, as well as her confusion and her need to know the reasons and answers behind her losses. It must have been devastating for her to lose her mother at the age of nine, but then to lose a dear friend when she was old enough to recognise the signs, to try to stop it, to regret not being able to help Ö I canít begin to imagine the effect that would have on someone, but youíve captured Lunaís grief in a realistic manner.
I love all the questions Luna asks! They remind me so much of me, always wanting to know the answers and the explanations behind the way things are. Itís typical Ravenclaw behaviour, I think, and thatís why you, as a Ravenclaw also, are so able to portray Lunaís inquisitiveness and thirst for answers. I know some people would just try to accept what happened and move on, but Luna asks. She questions. She needs answers. She canít move on until she gets them. That is SO Luna.
And yet, at the same time, youíve kept Lunaís childlike naÔvetť. While she goes through all the questions in her head, what makes sense for her doesnít make sense to everyone. Standing in a river wouldnít cut it for Hermione. She would need textbook answers, authority answers, while we know from canon that Luna accepts things that others canít or wonít. And thatís enough for her. Being soothed by the river is very in character for her. She questions like a Ravenclaw, but then sheís satisfied by answers coming from a unique source. *applauds*
And did I mention how heartbreaking this story is? Wow. I suppose it was different for me, knowing that the narrator was Luna and that she would witness her motherís suicide, but that prior knowledge made it harder to read about her excitement to surprise her mother. It reminds me of reading GoF and falling in love with Cedric, knowing the whole time that heíll be dead by the end of the book. Showing her joy and love of her mother makes her grief and loss stand out all the more. Then the parallel with her friend Iris! Itís just Ö her reaction to the death is different, because she was older and had a different perspective. That feeling, that she might have been able to prevent it, that maybe she let down her friend, gah Ö that really hits home. The ďwhat ifĒ game. Iím so glad that Luna was able to realise that it wasnít her fault Ė it was Irisís decision. Iím also glad that Luna was able to find peace, that sense of serenity AND that you mentioned that phrase at both the beginning and end of the fic! It ties everything together, makes it circular. Itís fabulous.
Reading over it now, after having beta read for months, I wish I had been able to do a better job. There arenít many mechanical or spelling errors in there Ė I think I caught all of those Ė but I would work on some phrasing. You tended to use ďhas verbĒ and ďhad verbĒ a lot. I just counted all the uses of the word ďhadĒ Ė there are 47. It was noticeable while I read it the second time, checking for things like that, and this habit makes the sentence structures all alike. Just taking out that word switches things up a little; you probably donít need it that many times. ;) At the same time, though, I donít want any changes you make to change the utter brilliance of this piece of writing, so Iím torn. I just wanted to point that out to you Ė maybe you can keep that in mind for future fics.
And speaking of future fics Ö do you have any in the works? I really would love to see anything you write, whether itís just ramblings, basic character or plot sketches, or something you want to submit. I love your writing style, and I want to see more! Though I understand the demands of RL, as Iím dealing with it myself, in case you couldnít tell by the horrible lateness of my review. *cough*
Iím glad I was paired with you, Katty! Youíre such a sweet girl, and I wish we could have talked more. Not to mention that I had a reason to re-read this gem! *hugs and loves*
This is a lovely one-shot, and itís a unique idea. You have a beautiful, evocative style, and your choice in words is very effective. I havenít read a story about the foundersí tombs before, and while I have my suspicions that they would have been buried all together, itís a great idea. I can see how their students would want them to be buried together, though, even if Slytherin abandoned them.
And what a great interpretation of ďDeathly HallowsĒ! When I first started, I had been expecting to see you use the Holy Grail interpretation, but no Ė ďDeathly HallowsĒ refers to their gravesite, not their objects. Nice.
That first paragraph after the asterisks break gave me the shivers. I could picture the twilight, see the sun just sinking below the horizon, and I got a shiver at the word ďfurtively.Ē And then the next paragraph Ė oh my gosh, did you do that on purpose?
The small man crept across the floor, the only sound the pattering of his feet on the cold stone floor.
The word ďpatteringĒ totally reminded me of a rat, kind of in an onomatopoeia way. It immediately made me think that the man was Wormtail, even before you revealed his identity. Thatís just brilliant!
I have to admit, though Ė I was a little surprised to hear that the tombs had been forgotten. I suppose itís possible, but I would have expected the graves to become almost a tourist spot. What you chose certainly works well, though. I could see that happening, too Ė almost as though the world has moved on and forgotten to whom they owe so much. It works.
And then I got another shiver when Wormtail jumped. *shiver* I was so sure he was going to get caught, or tortured, or something! Not that he doesnít deserve it Ö When he takes all night to place all the spells Ö ! Wow. That must be some seriously Dark, powerful, complicated magic. Nice touch!
*giggle* Poor Wormtail Ö heís the only one to do this, and he still feels proud. Heís got a serious inferiority complex, I think! Again, nice touch! Youíve caught his personality in so many little ways, with small little details, and he never says a word. Thatís talent, my dear. Good job!
And then we come to the end Ö Ooh, great ending! Itís left wide open for a sequel, if you so choose, and yet Ö it has a poetic touch, too. *shiver again* I love that youíve ended it with Deathly Hallows. Very nice indeed.
And Ö I hope you donít mind, because your grammar and spelling are just lovely, but I noticed a few little typos. So hereís me, nit-picking. Trust me, I wouldnít take the time to do this if I didnít love the one-shot!
Very few knew of it, a secret held by the four most powerful witches and wizards and shared only with a few.
A glint of silver shone across the room as he placed his hand inside his cloak, drawing out a sparkling silver object, along with his thin oak wand.
And now he had been entrusted with this important job, to deliver an item of his masterís here, to these tombs, and to lay exactly the enchantments the Dark Lord had described on the cavern.
So he would never know that there was a Horcrux hiding amongst the tombs of the four Founders, and he would never know that he had held and looked after a seventh of his masterís soul.
Thatís all. Not bad, was it? Again, let me just say how lovely this is. Good luck with the challenge!
Knight of the Turnip Table
Author's Response: Thanks for the great review, I\'m glad you liked the story! I always apprecaite help with grammar and spelling too, it\'s definatly not perfect! The idea of the Deathly Hallows as the Founder\'s tombs popped into my head as soon as I read the title, although I doubt that\'s how JKR meant it. I also tried to give Wormtail a more interesting personality, even though I agree that he does deserve to get caught. Again, thanks for the review and the help, it\'s always appreciated!
OMG! That was beautiful! I still always wonder what made Snape go to Dumbledore, and you've provided an excellent explanation for us. Even though you don't spend too many words on Dorothy, I still get the feeling that she is a pure, wonderful person.
It's so sad that Snape became a Death Eater because Dorothy died, but then he redeems himself because of her, too. Such beautiful mirror imagery there.
Your writing flows just beautifully! (Huh, I really need to find another word -- I'm using 'beautiful' too much!) All the words paint lovely pictures, and I can see Dorothy in the dream, and I can see Severus's pain. Well done. I'm glad that you've chosen for Snape to turn himself in before the Potters' death. That seems nicer, somehow.
Well, good luck in the challenge! I can't wait to see more of your writing!
~ Abigail, Knight of the Turnip Table
Author's Response: Wow, I don\'t know what to say, thank you! I\'m so happy you mentioned that it flows well, I worry about my writing sounding forced. Thanks again!
Oh, that was so satisfying! Iím just sighing in pleasure right now. Guh. Very nice.
I must admit, Iíve never liked Percy, but that may have something to do with being extremely sympathetic toward a certain black-haired, green-eyed protagonist. But you have certainly changed my mind! Percy was so REAL, so believable as a person in this story. You explained his feelings and motives in such a sympathetic way. I really identified with his character as you portrayed him Ö and maybe I fell in love with him just a teensy bit Ö shh. Donít tell Penelope!
I love that the ending isnít too fluffy Ė no kissing here! And while itís hopeful, Percy and Penelope are about to go brave the Weasley clan on Christmas Day. Thatís a scary thought! I think thatís my favourite thing about this fic. Percy and Penelope not only laid down their pride to forgive each other, but they are willing to go through uncomfortable situations to be together. That is just Ö guh. *sigh* I want a Percy!
While I really enjoyed the characterisation and the way you re-interpreted canon events, I would have liked to see the Pride and Prejudice theme hidden just a bit more. I honestly donít know how that would work. And maybe Iím just being stupid here, because itís obvious that you wanted to draw from that book. You certainly did a much better job of it than anyone else Iíve seen, even published authors, so I suppose I should just shut my mouth.
Also, I found Penelopeís forgiveness a tad hasty. I love their dialogue, and this is written from Percyís perspective, so I donít know how this would work, but I found myself wishing to see Penelope struggle with her feelings a little more.
Speaking of Percyís POV Ö I truly enjoyed reading from a male mind, especially when it comes to romance. His longing to see her, his almost-but-not-quite touching her, his aching to hold her and kiss her, his complete astonishment at Penelopeís feelings Ö were all just Ö Gah! Perfect! Made me squee! Made me want someone to look at me like that! And the letter! Wow. Fabulous. It made perfect sense, all of it. I love that he HAD to explain himself to her. *sigh* Very, very well done, all of it!