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Reviews by joybelle423

The Mystery of the Lightning Bond by electronicquillster

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: As Andrea Benning starts her fifth year at Hogwarts alongside The Trio, she has her own daily things to deal with, like a life-altering secret, studying, orchestrating Operation Sophie-Roderick Romance and a crush of her own. When one attends Hogwarts, one can hardly expect things to go as planned.

Fred and George Weasley are really only returning to Hogwarts for the priceless market research, but will there be time for other things as well?

As friendships and romances develop, the students at Hogwarts will also have to deal with the second rise of the evil Lord Voldemort and the terrible toad of a Defense professor - Umbridge.
Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 03/11/07 Title: Chapter 1: Hogwarts Express

Mar! *tackles* Why have I never read this before? Shame on me! Firstly, I love your author note. It makes me giggle. And secondly, I'm not even halfway through the chapter yet, and I'm already really enjoying it, not to mention intrigued. Andrea is adopted? Hmm. I think that's going to be pretty important in the future of this fic, but I've been wrong before. Mentioning her adoption is a great opportunity to describe their appearances. Nice.

"Did you see Potter's wicked dog?"

*giggles* Oh, I heart Lee Jordan. And the word wicked. But oh! How do the Bennings know that's Sirius? Interesting.

Oh, I love Sophie's personality! She's one of those people that seems a little hard to get along with, but once you know her, you love her despite everything. She and Andrea seem perfect for each other, platonically, that is. Andrea knows just what to say to make Sophie feel better. I love the camaraderie they have with each other. It seems oh-so-real, and I just want to hop into their compartment and chat with them. They're wonderful!

*giggles again* Girl talk! I love it! Sophie and Roderick – that's perfect! Aw! And Andrea and George. Well, I knew that was coming, but I love that each girl is comfortable enough to confess the person they like – even though they didn't tell at first! That's so … exactly what happens. And Sophie's silly grin! I've had one of those before!

*happy sigh* Mar, this is love. If it hadn't all of a sudden jumped from 1:59 to 3:00, I'd stay up reading this whole thing tonight. I can't wait to read the next chapter! Whee!


A Thousand Words by annie

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: For the rest of the Ministry, the interdepartmental challenge was merely a failed attempt to restore trust between workers. But for Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, it was the catalyst for an unexpected relationship built on passionate letters, concealed identities, and secret meetings – and the beginning of an end that neither of them could ever have imagined possible, not even in their wildest dreams.

Post-war. Based somewhat on the story of the Phantom of the Opera. Also contains R/Hr, so don't read if you can't stomach that ship.

Status: Complete. Thanks for reading, everyone!
Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 12/14/06 Title: Chapter 1: To My Pen Pal

What a great idea! I've always been intrigued by the idea of pen pals. You clearly have a great plot in mind, and this first chapter is a beautiful beginning!

Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 12/14/06 Title: Chapter 2: His World of Unending Night

Wow! I am so impressed! You've given Draco a depth that I rarely see in fanfiction. I love that Lydig cares for him -- I love that he's working on a new Wolfsbane Potion -- I love how you summed up the past four years -- I love that Draco longs for redemption! Excellent work!

Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 12/14/06 Title: Chapter 3: Shadow and Starlight

You are amazing! How do you manage it? Draco's story is believable and tragic, but not whiny. I love that 'Shadow' can talk about Draco! How clever!

Consequentially Yours by Nyruserra

Rated: Professors • Past Featured Story
Summary: It's a rescue, really. At least, that's what Fred and George Weasley manage to convince him of. After all, Hermione is sure to be a target for revenge seeking Purebloods - what could any right-minded Wizard do but step in to help?

But with the shadow of Voldemort still hanging over a frightened community, Oliver is about to find out that the consequences of doing the right thing can get very out of hand!

An Oliver Wood/Hermione Granger Romance

Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 03/04/07 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter Nine ~ An Uncomfortable Affair

Hi! I’ve been reading this story for quite some time, but I haven’t reviewed yet. Sorry! I just couldn’t help myself after this chapter, though. Your story is so wonderful and so satisfying. I just sigh in contentment after reading it!

First of all, I just wanted to commend you for taking your time! Drawing it out like this has made Oliver and Hermione’s relationship so believable and real. They are truly getting to know each other, and they never just jump on each other the way I’ve seen some rare pair fics do. Your attention to detail and description is so lovely, and the length of the chapters just makes an update so much more pleasurable!

Honestly, this is one of the most plausible romances I’ve ever seen on this site. Though Oliver and Hermione haven’t actually gotten to the love part yet, it’s clear that they are on their way to trusting each other and enjoy being around each other. The leisurely pace of the story doesn’t seem frustrating to me because I can tell that Hermione and Oliver simply aren’t ready to move that fast. They just aren’t, and you know that. *sigh* It’s just fabulous.

I love love love how incredibly in character Hermione and Oliver are! It’s uncanny! And well, no, not just them, but everyone! I’m so astounded by how spot-on everyone is. I think my favourite thing about the story is how at first you focused on how incompatible Hermione and Oliver are. But … as they start to get to know each other and actually have civil conversations, they are realising how incredibly attracted they are to each other and how much they like to be with each other. *squee*

Also … I had a major crush on Oliver after the Sorcerer’s Stone film, and you’ve taken that sexy, Scottish image and ran with it! I can never picture Oliver any other way now. His accent gives me chills! I’ve attempted to write accents that way, and I can’t imagine how you managed to pull that off! I’m seriously in love with Oliver Wood now.

Hermione too is such a sympathetic heroine. I find myself identifying with her all over the place – it’s uncanny. She’s strong yet vulnerable, smart yet clueless. Wow. Thank you so much for rounding her out into someone wonderful and not just a “bossy know-it-all”! You’ve done an excellent job with this story from all sides. I can’t wait for your next chapter!


Author's Response: Thank you so much! Your review was an incredible suprise, and very, very much treasured and loved ;-)

I know that some people (especially near the begining, when this story had yet to really find it\'s audience) were a bit put off by the slow pace - I can\'t tell you how happy I am to find that not only do some readers put up with it, but actually enjoy it more for the natural pace I\'ve set - it\'s very vindicating.

I know, there\'s just something about that sexy Scottish accent, isn\'t there? *lol* I can\'t tell you what a nightmare it was, writing it so many different ways until I could finally come up with something readable and sugestive.

Take My Heart Away by Hatusu

Rated: 6th-7th Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: Hermione goes back in time with one mission: to kill Tom Riddle before he ever comes to power. A difficult task, correct? An impossible one, she realizes, as a love between them grows stronger than anything she has ever known. Now Hermione has a choice to make. Will she condemn the Wizarding world to almost certain destruction, or will she take the life of the one boy she has ever loved?
Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 05/27/07 Title: Chapter 2: Midnight Eyes

Hi Maddy! I’ve owed you this review for a long time, and here I am finally getting around to it! I swear, I’m the world’s worst procrastinator. And I can’t believe I’ve put off reading such a great fic until now! Really, this is very well written and extremely intriguing. I’m forcing myself to review after this first chapter, when really all I want to do is find out what happens!

From the very beginning of the chapter, you’ve completely sucked me in by telling it from Tom Riddle’s point of view. This hateful character isn’t so hateful after all. Here we see that he’s just a regular seventeen-year-old boy, with homework, duties, and distasteful tasks. And ooh, he plays Quidditch! I’d never considered that before. I feel almost sorry for him – I can definitely relate to feeling bored and lonely. I love the way you’ve explained his affinity for the Dark Arts – boredom – while leaving it up to our imagination whether that was his only reason. I like the subtle details you’ve included – an older Malfoy, expelling Hagrid, Dumbledore not trusting him, Slytherins not making friends but political alliances, etc. They’re all woven skilfully together, and not thrown down on the page like a list of facts we need to know before we get into the story. Everything seems natural.

The next section, told from Hermione’s point of view, is just so very Hermione! I love that she’s being cautious and stealthy, and yet is struggling with what to do next. And I simply adore the description of young Tom Riddle. *shivers* He’s positively dreamy, though in a dark and dangerous way. I like that she compares him to Draco, and I love how she has to keep reminding herself that this is a boy who will turn into a vicious, heartless monster. Her logical reasoning with two basic outcomes is very in-character, as is her realisation that the future Dumbledore might possibly have known her in the past. Then the spells that she uses fit in seamlessly. They seem like actual spells from the books – that’s hard to do! And heh, I love that she actually forgot that Dumbledore wasn’t headmaster at this time. But I was positively groaning when she lied to him! Gah, that’s got to make things more difficult for her! People are forever not confiding in Dumbledore. That’s a very in-character move for her. And then *gasp* Tom Riddle! They meet at last. I can’t wait to see where this goes!

My only critique is that some of her thoughts and memories aren’t italicised. It could just be my browser, but you might want to go back through this chapter and double-check those.

Maddy, really, this is outstanding. I’m so glad I had a reason to check this out, and I’m even more relieved to know that this fic is completed! I’m really excited to read the rest of this, since it’s a really interesting idea. You’ve set up the storyline so beautifully and effortlessly. Your characterisation of Riddle, Hermione, and Dumbledore is just perfect, and your attention to little details is brilliant. This first chapter is excellent, Maddy! I hope to see more of your work soon!

~ Abigail

Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 07/31/07 Title: Chapter 4: Of All People

Hello, Maddy! This is a thank you for the beautiful banner you made for my fic “Young and Restless.” A little late, but not as late as the last one!

Firstly, you’ve done a wonderful job capturing Hermione’s voice. She’s always thinking and analysing, but at the same time, she’s brave and stubborn, like a proper Gryffindor should be. I’ve seen too many fics where Hermione is almost paralysed because she’s thinking about everything too much, like a female Hamlet. But you’ve got her right! She isn’t afraid to speak up, she sticks up for herself, and at the same time, she keeps herself in check, realising what her goals are and why she’s here. Fabulous job with that.

I also really like the extra details about the Hogwarts classes you’ve thrown in. Specifying which level of classes she’s taking, and the specifics of each class, makes her schedule a lot more real and impressively intimidating. It’s easy to see why she would be stressed with a schedule like that. And LOL at having to take Divination again! *smirk* At least Trelawney isn’t teaching yet.

I like Hermione’s resolution to act dull and uninteresting. That’s perfect. It reminds me of the CIA – but not the Alias kind, the real kind, where a spy has to be as unobtrusive as possible, trying to blend in and not be noticed at all. Very realistic. I also love her worry about being able to return to the future, to her proper time, since nobody has ever been able to go back that far before. It’s definitely a valid concern, and I think her reaction – at first being terrified, since it’s only logical, but then being able to talk herself out of it and just braving whatever may come. That again takes into account her intelligence and her bravery.

And squee at your portrayal of young Tom Riddle! He’s … fascinating! Intelligent, saucy, droll, extremely good-looking, and talented, but he is still Voldemort. He is still fascinated by the Dark Arts, and he will become one of the most feared, most evil wizards of all time. I don’t know how Hermione is going to be able to reconcile the two. I don’t know if I would. And then LOL at her having to work with him! I love their exchange. It’s so perfect – witty and fast, each of them trying to prove themselves. It’s so great! And mwahaha at Tom’s answer – You said you could make it as well as me. You made it well, but not as well as I would’ve. *smirk* I love it! And ha, they did get Outstanding. Nice.

There was only one issue I had with this chapter, only one thing that grabbed my attention and pulled my focus out of the story. It was giving a Gryffindor the last name “Black.” I don’t know when you originally wrote this, but I simply cannot see a member of the House of Black placed in Gryffindor. It was a huge deal when it happened to Sirius – his mother, at least, was furious at him for betraying them. I really think that if any other Black had been something other than A Slytherin, we would have heard about it – they probably would have been blasted off the family tree, or Sirius would have mentioned something about there not being any Black Gryffindors since his great-uncle Christoph. Something like that. I suggest you change his last name? It really interrupted the continuity of the story for me. Other than that, I love Christoph’s character, as well as Emma’s. Nice job with the OCs!

There were some minor grammar issues as well. Remember that you don’t capitalise the word after dialogue if it’s in the same sentence. For example:

No! she said to herself, heavy tears pricking her eyes.


Of all people! she thought.

Also, it should be “We Gryffindors” and not “Us Gryffindors” in Emma’s line of dialogue. In the next paragraph, there’s a spelling error – it should be “proceeded” and not “preceded.” And when Tom laughs at her, and Hermione remembers hearing that laugh before, it should be “she was instantly reminded of whom she was with” instead “of who.” The last typo is in the second to last paragraph – there’s a missing space between the words “go forward.” That’s all!

Again, let me congratulate you on such an imaginative fic! I love the concept behind it, I love the way you’ve kept all the characters in character, and I love your take on Tom! He’s amazing! I’m really looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks again for the amazing banner!

~ Abigail

Author's Response: *dies* Oh my goodness gracious Abigail, thank you so much for this SPEW-worthy review! It really just made my day. :) I\'m glad you think Hermione is somewhat in character; looking back at the story now, I definitely would have changed a couple of things about her character, but it\'s great that you liked her. I wrote this story when I was 14 (am 17 now) so it was pre . . . HBP? possibly OotP? Not sure, but definitely before that lovely Black family tree came out with all the names. Yes, looking back, I\'d definitely change the Christoph Black thing, now that we have so much more information about the Black family. And thank you so much for all the grammar nitpicks, it makes me want to go back and give a facelift to the whole story! :) This is definitely enough compensation for the banner I made you... consider your next banner free of charge. ;)

Treacle Tart, Broomsticks, and Ginny by Melindaleo

Summary: HBP MISSING MOMENT. What happened after Harry and Ginny left the common room after their very public first kiss? Here's my idea of their walk around the lake.
Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 02/03/07 Title: Chapter 1: Treacle Tart, Broomsticks, and Ginny

First, I'd like to say that I've read this over and over, but I've never reviewed! Sorry ... This is one of my absolute favourite one-shots about Harry and Ginny. I think you've captured their personalities, insecurities, and quirks beautifully. Harry is nervous nearly the entire time, which is very in-character for him, and while Ginny is a little more outgoing than he is, she's still a little shy and insecure. I love the way you describe their expressions -- both very satisfied, almost giddy. It's perfect!

She’d been paying attention to what he liked to eat.

"What else do I like?" he asked before he could stop himself. He was fascinated to know she’d been watching him, since he’d certainly been watching her.

This is so realistic! I love that they are able to share these kinds of things, and that they can compete while doing it! And it's a great way for them to begin talking, both about themselves, each other, their feelings, and their relationship. Beautifully done.

The whole story is fluffy but realistic. I'm glad you referenced Harry's depression -- a lot of authors try to ignore how low he'd been. I also like the twist about the kiss, how Ginny thought that she'd kissed him first. I think you're right, that Ginny did know that Harry liked her.

And ... oh, that whole part with the Chocolate Frog ... it's so ... how did you put it? Erotic. Yes. That. But it's still relatively innocent, which is great.

This is just such a precious little ficlet! Thanks for letting that moment stomp on out of your head!

~ Abigail

Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 02/03/07 Title: Chapter 1: Treacle Tart, Broomsticks, and Ginny

First, I'd like to say that I've read this over and over, but I've never reviewed! Sorry ... This is one of my absolute favourite one-shots about Harry and Ginny. I think you've captured their personalities, insecurities, and quirks beautifully. Harry is nervous nearly the entire time, which is very in-character for him, and while Ginny is a little more outgoing than he is, she's still a little shy and insecure. I love the way you describe their expressions -- both very satisfied, almost giddy. It's perfect!

She’d been paying attention to what he liked to eat.

"What else do I like?" he asked before he could stop himself. He was fascinated to know she’d been watching him, since he’d certainly been watching her.

This is so realistic! I love that they are able to share these kinds of things, and that they can compete while doing it! And it's a great way for them to begin talking, both about themselves, each other, their feelings, and their relationship. Beautifully done.

The whole story is fluffy but realistic. I'm glad you referenced Harry's depression -- a lot of authors try to ignore how low he'd been. I also like the twist about the kiss, how Ginny thought that she'd kissed him first. I think you're right, that Ginny did know that Harry liked her.

And ... oh, that whole part with the Chocolate Frog ... it's so ... how did you put it? Erotic. Yes. That. But it's still relatively innocent, which is great.

This is just such a precious little ficlet! Thanks for letting that moment stomp on out of your head!

~ Abigail

Arachne’s Curse by Ravensgryff

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: HBP Spoilers! Set immediately after the end of HBP, Severus Snape begins to explain exactly whose side he's on and what the stakes are in the coming battle. What is the curse of Arachne and how did it lead him to this point? Obsession, betrayal and a quest for redemption are all part of this historical account of Snape's life since coming to Hogwarts.

Thanks so much to my outstanding Betas: Orlaith, CCCC and Bobin221!
Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 01/20/07 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue – Telling Draco

Ooh! I'm intrigued! If I remember my mythology, Arachne was a spider, right? So what's the Curse of Arachne? I'll probably figure it out as soon as I read the next chapter!

You've got some great imagery!

At the mouth of the cave, a chill breeze pierced Snape like a dagger in his back, and sent an involuntary shiver through his body.

Great simile. I can imagine the bitterly cold breeze penetrating his skin ...

And what an interesting twist, having Draco become a werewolf! I've never read that one before! I can't wait to read more ...

~ Abigail

Strangers May Be Our Closest Friends by Hel

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Ginny has wasted away since the day of Voldemort's defeat - and Harry's death. On the tenth Anniversary of these things, a stranger that's strangly familar comes knocking on her door....


.....when the doorbell rang.

Ginny went to answer the door, her mind whirring. Who would be calling at this hour? Why would they be calling? One thing she did know however was that whoever it was was definitely a witch or a wizard; Ginny herself had put the muggle repelling charms on her house.

She reached the front door and pulled it open. Standing in the frame was a dark figure. They were standing there with their hood pulled up, obscuring the figure’s face except for the mouth.

“Hi, I was wondering if I could spend the night here.” The stranger spoke with a deep voice that stirred something in Ginny’s memory.

Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 02/19/07 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

Hello! Beautiful one-shot here!

Oh man, I don’t know how much I can say about this story without giving anything away! Let’s see. Well, at first I was FURIOUS with you for doing that to you know who, but I eventually forgave you. ;) Clever idea! I really liked the whole premise – you know, the whole healing itself thing, being put back together after a while. It’s a shame that Ginny had to be alone for so long, and I cannot believe that Ron and Hermione didn’t tell her! She should be furious with them! And it was cruel of you know who to hide his face that way, though it would have been quite a shock if he hadn’t.

My only complaint with the story is that I found the ending a little too unbelievable. Ginny wouldn’t say yes like that, not after how long they’ve been apart – but that’s just my opinion. It was a sweet ending, but it felt way too rushed. He has seen her, but she hasn’t seen him for ten years! They aren’t the same people that they used to be. You might want to consider stretching that moment out, or just hinting that they will eventually take that step.

There was one line that did not make sense to me. I thought that you might be missing a word? Maybe?

He smiled broadened. “I knew that, and think about, you know who I am too.” The line of dialogue seems off some how, and it should begin, “His smile broadened.”

And in this fragment – “I felt you pulse AND your breath,” – it should be, “I felt your pulse AND your breath.” The same thing here – “She told me you old address,” – you’re missing an “r” there. Actually, that happens in another place, too, where you use all capitals, but it’d spoil everything if I quoted it here! It’s just a little typo, it’s not a big deal; I just thought I’d mention it. Also, you should capitalise words like “Muggle” and “Horcrux.”

*looks over review* I don’t think I gave anything away, but if I did, I’m sorry to all readers who haven’t read the story yet! And to the author – Helen, this is just beautiful! I hope you post more stories like this! Keep writing!

Knight of the Turnip Table

Avenged Sevenfold by SecretKeeper

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

UPDATE: Guys, I'm back!

The innocence I’ve lost
The blood it's cost
Leaves unhealed scars within.
But I will not abate,
I will employ the hate
That has been planted deep inside.
I will not falter
Valor will not tire,
And I will survive
This trial by fire.

Many things are different now. Potions class is the least of the trio's worries. Battling dragons would be a welcome alternative to what it is they're attempting to battle now. The Order of the Phoenix is hallow without its leading member. And when someone close to Harry is stolen, Dumbledore's rhetoric of love, hope, and faith is challenged. Harry's strength and resolve are pushed to their limits. Loyalties are tested and new leaders emerge while Harry and Hermione struggle to balance new emotions and uncharted territory. Yet while this time after sixth year proves to be drastically unlike anything Harry's ever experienced, some truths remain, and some affections stand solid.

A novel-type story that explores the engimas of Snape, Horcruxes, war, and above all, the puzzle of love. HBP compliant. HHr.
Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 06/03/07 Title: Chapter 9: End of an Era

Oh, wow! I’ve been reading your fic for months, but I’ve never left a review, I think. I came back to this chapter because I remembered that it included the best, most believable, most sexy first kiss I’ve ever read, and now I just have to leave you a review.

So, yes, wow, amazing kiss! I could go on about it for a while, I think, if it didn’t leave me so incoherent. It happens so naturally, with Hermione pleading with him to stay alive. Not to mention that you’ve built us up to this moment for eight long chapters! That anticipation makes it even more satisfying. Guh.

As to the rest, it’s simply brilliant. I love your dialogue, how it’s always important and never just thrown out there. I can tell you’ve done a lot of planning for this – it really shows! It seems that you write long, involved chapters with lots of nuances, observations, and description, saving the dialogue for really important things. This made me read more slowly and savour every detail because you never knew when it was going to be important later.

I’ve read the future chapters as well, and I don’t want to give the details away, but can I say I love the lack of communication happening? I find it so realistic – misunderstandings and assumptions instead of pouring out your heart. That’s life!

Again, I want to say how much I’ve enjoyed reading this over the past six months or so, and I can’t wait for the next chapter! Honestly, this fic converted me to shipping Harry/Hermione, so kudos to you!

~ Abigail

Love Can't Be Stopped by ambush

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: New year, new start, new feelings. Has James' newly deflated ego and mature attitude finally won over the heart of Lily Evans? With a mixture of embarrassing situations, falling out of bed, and roaming hands, this year could be an interesting one.

My first fanfic everybody, so any criticism is very welcome! enjoy!

Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 02/04/07 Title: Chapter 1: Strange Feelings

Aw! That was so cute! I love a good James/Lily story. I have to admit, I was a little worried that this would be cliche, but you took care of that pretty well. After all, it's been a while since the end of fifth year, and I can totally see James getting gorgeous over the summer! You did a great job showing their nervousness, both for Lily and for James. I enjoyed Lily's internal arguments -- I do that all the time! And James thoughts are fun, too.

I can totally see Sarah falling for Dominic (great name, by the way!). I'm glad you've found an OC for Lily's friends!

The dialogue is great, very believable. Well done! I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you! I really didn\'t want this story to be a cliché, so I\'m so glad that you don\'t think it is. I\'m glad you can\'t wait! :D

Out of the Darkness by lunar

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: It's the summer after sixth year and Hermione is staying at The Burrow. Her dreams have finally come true: she is Ron Weasley's girlfriend. However, to her shock and dismay she discovers that the attainable has become the unwanted. She finds herself torn between not wanting to remain in a relationship with someone she doesn't love, and destroying one of the closest friendships she is likely to ever have. Amidst all this confusion, Draco Malfoy arrives in a coma from which it is doubtful he will ever leave. Hermione is asked to watch over him in case of a miraculous recovery. However, she finds herself pouring out her hopes, fears and dreams to her unconscious nemesis, someone who can't even hear her... or can he?

The two sequels I had planned for this will not be written any time in the near future. I'm sorry for any inconvenience caused.

Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 02/21/07 Title: Chapter 2: Awareness

Hi, lunar! Back again …

This is a fabulous second chapter! You kept the pace moving along nicely, and you revealed new information. And you added significantly to the intrigue! What a great idea – to make Hermione tend to an unconscious Draco. That is great on so many levels! Not only is it something that neither would really submit to willingly, but it will humble Hermione especially. And if Draco ever finds out that a Mudblood helped save his life! I can't wait to see his reaction to that! The chapter was a little shorter than chapter one, and while I love longer chapters, I didn't feel like there was anything missing here. Ginny found out about Malfoy, and you've brought Hermione and Draco "together." Very nice.

Some favourite lines:

The walls were still covered with Chudley Cannons wallpaper (though Ron had given up on them months ago) which clashed horribly with the new violently pink curtains.

Wow. Such a great mental image! *shudders* That's a great detail. We don't really need to know that, but it sets up the scene where Draco and Hermione will spend a lot of time. Very nice.

She couldn’t get over seeing Malfoy without a sneer on his face.

*sigh* Lovely! That is almost the key to the whole story, isn't it? That Hermione will start to see Draco differently.

I also loved the opening paragraph. It's very disjointed, and it gives us a brief little glimpse into Draco's head. Nice device! *rhymes*

There were hardly any errors in this chapter, so kudos to you! I did find a couple, though.

“Yes, with us. He’s unconscious at the moment, and he hasn’t shown any signs of life yet, but when he wakes up, I expect you all to behave yourselves,” Mrs Weasley said, looking at them sternly as she waved her wand and the dishes began to dry themselves.

In that line of dialogue, there are three or four places where you need a comma. I've added them in – hopefully you'll notice where! And then there's an extra space in this sentence, between the first quote mark and the first letter of the sentence.

“ Malfoy? As in the Draco Malfoy that went to Hogwarts?”

There's also a large break between two paragraphs near the end of the chapter, but the spacing in this chapter was a great improvement to the first chapter. It didn't hurt my eyes!

Great job on this second chapter, lunar! I'm really getting into the story. Everyone was in character in this chapter. I liked that you had Mrs Weasley with food again – in the first chapter, she made cocoa, and in this one, she's cooking breakfast, and then she makes tea. That's a nice association! And Ginny was great – demanding to know what was going on – good work! I loved reading about Manken in this chapter, as well. Good job on creating an OC! I'm off to read chapter three now!


Author's Response: It is so nice to come to look at my reviews and find you\'ve left another one. Thank you! I will go back to fix those commas now, and of course I can see where they are *chuckles desperately and calls for mooncalf to help* Only joking, though I am hopeless with commas. Thanks once again for pointing out all those mistakes (usually I only get mooncalf telling me, so it is nice to have another voice around here) Thanks again for the review! Bye :-)

Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 02/19/07 Title: Chapter 1: Surprise

Hi! I posted in your Duelling Club thread a while back, and I realised that I had never left you a review for your story! So … here I am.

Let me say again how much I enjoy this fic. You write very well. Before I say anything else, though, I’d like to point out the formatting error in this chapter. There are excessive spaces between each paragraph. I know from experience that this is a tricky thing to avoid whenever you edit the chapter, since it automatically adds in those html tags, but I have a suggestion. Before you start editing, copy and paste the whole chapter into a word processor like MS Word. Do your edits there, and then copy and paste the whole story back onto the site. It’s a pain, but it saves a lot of trouble. Sorry for making such a big deal out of this, but it’s really distracting when reading, and this is so good, I didn’t want to be distracted!

Okay. That’s over!

The first thing I noticed was how similar the beginning of this story is to one that I had begun to write – only for me, it was Ginny, not Hermione. What are the odds? I may have to go back and work on that … Besides, you do it so much better!

I love this line – “their faces shining with fear and sweat.” It’s an unusual pairing of words, but it’s very effective. It sets up the tone of the piece marvellously, and it instantly lets us as the readers know that Harry and Ron have been up to something dangerous.

You’ve captured the characters of everyone beautifully – Mrs Weasley bustling to make cocoa, Hermione nagging and asking questions, Mr Weasley being tired and calm, McGonagall giving sharp looks and acting brisk and brusk. All those little details add to the believability of the story and give the readers images and quirks to work with. Good job! And you’ve also managed to add in an OC! Healer Manken is fabulous. I’m dying to know what his story is, and what makes him act that way. And why they trust him so implicitly! I can’t recall if we find out, so I’ll keep an eye out for that while I re-read this!

Obviously, this is Hermione/Draco, but I am so glad that you didn’t skip over the canonicity of Ron and Hermione’s relationship. Thank you so much for that! You don’t say very much about the problems they’ve faced, but what little you do say speaks volumes. Especially this line – “They kept fighting over really small, unimportant things and usually ended up not speaking to each other for weeks at a time.” That is so true! It happened all the time before they got together. Why should it all of a sudden stop just because they can snog each other? Good job picking that up and bringing it in here. It’s a very believable reason for their relationship to fail.

I was going to mention something about how there are no Americanisms, but then I realised that you live in Ireland. Silly me. And I’m so jealous that you had the wonderful mooncalf to help you out! That must be so nice. I wish I had a sibling to share my HP love like that.

I’m off to read the next chapter! Isn’t it amazing that you can read something once and still come back to it later and find it completely new? Good luck writing the sequel!

Knight of the Turnip Table

Author's Response: Hi Abigail. Wow, I don\'t think I\'ve ever read such a fantastic review! And so positive; thank you! You know, I haven\'t actually read over the chapters I\'ve submitted in ages, so I\'ll go back now and change the formatting. Thanks for pointing it out. :-) Well, I\'m glad you liked the story. I must tell you before you get your hopes up too much, that Ian Manken isn\'t actually a hugely developed character. That\'s actually interesting though; I never thought of him having a background. Can\'t you see what a brilliant writer I am? ;-) Anyways thanks again for the review. ps. Yes having a sibling on Mugglenet is wonderful. Good thing mooncalf is so well known! Thanks again!

Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 02/21/07 Title: Chapter 3: Heartbreak

Hey … back again!

Wow. What a chapter! I remember reading this one! Mmm. It was good the first time … and good the second time!

But reading it again, I was reminded that I had thought Hermione horribly out of character in this chapter. Sorry. I just had a really hard time picturing her breaking out sobbing all of a sudden. It seemed too melodramatic. Hermione, for the most part, seems really in control of her feelings. I DO remember her crying three times in canon. First, when Ron says something mean about her in Philosopher's Stone. The second time, she bursts into tears when Ron and Harry make up in Goblet of Fire. And then, of course, she cries at Dumbledore's funeral in Half-Blood Prince. Those are the only times I remember.

So, when she's one minute calling for Ron, and the next she's collapsing on the ground sobbing … it just seemed a bit much. I don't think anyone would react that quickly. It seemed unrealistic. And then later, when she starts crying when talking to Harry, you did a much better job of leading into her tears. That worked much, much better! But even then, I can't see her suddenly collapsing on the table. And tears don't form huge pools. They just don't – nobody cries enough to from puddles. I'd seriously consider fixing those two places. They detract from the beauty of the rest of the chapter in a major way! Which is a shame, because the rest of your story is fantastic!

Okay. That's over. *phew* I hate being critical, but I had to let you know about those things. Sorry! Now for the nicer stuff!

I love love love the way Hermione talks to Malfoy while he's unconscious. That is a fabulous idea and plot device. She almost uses Malfoy as her diary, doesn't she? I'm looking forward to reading the next few chapters because I remember that she keeps doing it, but I can't remember exactly what she says.

It's interesting that she goes to Malfoy … not for comfort exactly, but she goes to his room when she's hurting. Did you do that on purpose? Again, that's just so smart! It seems to be foreshadowing something. Maybe … she'll turn to him for comfort once he wakes up?

I also liked that Hermione, even in her pain, wants to make sure that Harry is okay. She's always thinking of others first, not even blaming Ron for what happened. That is certainly in character for her! I can also really relate to Hermione in several places. The blaming yourself, the reading when in pain, and the negative self-talk all rings true for me. Those three behaviours are real reactions for people to do, and it's great that you noticed that and added it into your story.

So, while I didn't like Hermione's behaviour in some places, it really resonated with me in others. Not bad! It's hard to get crying, emotional scenes right. You did a fine job here. And now … off to read chapter four!


Author's Response: Thank God, something critical at last. I was beginnig to think the world had gone blind. Only joking, but thank you anyways. Yes, I totally agree with you that the heartbreak scene was completely over the top and way too melodramatic. But I do think all beginner writers are entitled to one scene where their character breaks down and crys in the middle of the road, not really noticing all the stones and gravel and muck around her. :-) anyway I will go back immediately and re write that part. Thanks very much for pointing it out. Can\'t wait for your next review. Thanks and bye! ;-)

Journey On Water by SK witch

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: After the downfall of Voldemort, Hermione decides to take a break and return to the Muggle world. Deciding to go on a Muggle cruise, Hermione realizes that it was the biggest mistake of her life. Now, she's stuck on a boat with her worst enemy. Fights and bickering continue to take place between them and maybe a little something else too...
Hermione makes new friends and meets up with an old friend, Jessie: an arrogant girl who treats Hermione like dirt and desperately tries to seek Draco's attention. (Slightly AU)

Thanks to some of my awesome readers, this story has been translated into Chinese and Vietnamese. For information on how you can see the translated version, please check my profile!

Status: Working on chapter 26. In the meantime, you can have a look at my new one-shot, Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang!

Please note that the date of my last update is incorrect. Apparently there are some glitches in the system regarding to this. Chapter 25 was updated on the 7/09/09!

Nominated for a Quicksilver Quill award in the Non-Canon Romance category

Please leave a review before you leave! It means a lot! You can check out the banner of this story on my author's page!
Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 01/13/07 Title: Chapter 18: The Night Safari

You want to know how this chapter was? Well ... it was brilliant! I loved it!

I loved the way Draco was hurt when he thought that Hermione didn't want to sit with him. I loved that he told her how gorgeous she could be if she accepted her looks. (Which, by the way, is so realistic!) I loved how Draco put his arm around Hermione when she fell asleep, and I loved that he fell asleep, too! Everything was just ... perfect!

I'm so looking forward to the next chapter! Your writing is fabulous!

~ Abigail

Author's Response: Hey, Abigail..! wow, thank you so much for your lovely review! It\'s great you enjoyed those scenes - I enjoyed writing them the most!
Unfortunately, the next chapter won\'t be up until after the 27th of jan due to my SAT. But I hope you stick around till that time *winks* Thank you so much!

The Beast and The War by Dragontamer1

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: "A little story to whom it may concern- which is probably very few people, but it is an interesting (though exhausting to tell) story, indeed. I'll go against my better judgment and tell you about it anyways. This story is about The Sphinx Science War. (I hope you’ve heard of it, supposing they still teach a history of magic at Hogwarts) It is about how my immature little brother started the Sphinx Science War and how yours truly put an end to it." This is for The One-Shot Monologue Challenge for Ravenclaw House
Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 01/20/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Beast and The War (One Shot)

Cool! I like that you mentioned names that we know -- like Fudge, Umbridge, Scamander, and Mallfouy. I like your explanation for how the Mallfouys became rich.

The whole idea of a Sphinx Science War reminded me of the debates about Darwinism that took place around that time period, and the claims about the existence of a sphinx and dragons reminded me of the "sightings" of the Loch Ness monster.

But I'm also a little confused. What did Robyn do that was so bad? Why did Fudge send Umbridge to arrest her? (I'm assuming Robyn is a girl based on her reaction to the clans' attempts: "just like men" -- sorry if I'm wrong!) It just seemed a little abrupt ...

But great job on your first fanfic! Do you think you'll write more?

~ Abigail

Author's Response: Sorry for the late response! No one ever reviews this, so I stopped checking, and yes Robyn is a girl. I\'m probably going to write a chaptered fic one DH comes out. That way I won\'t have to change my fic to AU halfway through the story, and the Summer will be clear of school and Homework. ^_^

A Child's Gift by WinkeeJR

Rated: 6th-7th Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: Draco wanted to get away. He needed to get away from all the things that reminded him everyday of the mistakes he had made and the one he had lost. He found the perfect spot too, a small town in Wyoming, USA, a place called Nowhere. A perfect name as far as he was concerned. Magic, fate has a way of finding you no matter where you go though.
Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 09/18/07 Title: Chapter 27: Kiss Her!


Wow, you really are the cliffhanger queen! Sorry I've never left reviews before -- I was always so awed by your writing and plot that I felt a short review couldn't do it justice (no pun intended, hee), and I never really had time for a long review.

BUT I really do love this fic! I'm so glad you've been updating regularly, and I absolutely love Draco the way you've written him. He's so perfect, and I really sympathise with him. Hermione, too -- she's so scared of being hurt again, poor thing.

And of course I love that their daughter has my name, even if she goes by Abby while I don't. *grins*

Eventually I'd like to go back and make nice long lengthy reviews, but that may never happen, so I thought I'd drop a quick review to let you know how much I love this. Thank you so much for sharing this with us!

~ Abigail

Author's Response: Thank you so much for a review. I love hearing from everyone. I love your name, which is the reason thier daughter has it and I do mean the name Abigail. However, my Abby is stubborn and full of life so she has her opinion on the name as well. Hope you continue to read and enjoy.


Reviewer: joybelle423 Signed
Date: 04/11/07 Title: None

Wow. Just ... um, wow. This is excellent! There's a wonderful flow, the rhythm and rhyme seem nearly effortless, and the themes and images are strong. It could almost be a song. I love the way you don't mention any character names or specific situations. This could apply to almost anyone, both in Harry Potter and in real life. Every time I read this I see something new, so you know it's got to be good!

Some lines just make me ache at their beauty and potency, like "my memories are screaming." Wow. I just can't get over how wonderful this is! Great job.

Abigail/joybelle423, Knight of the Turnip Table

Author's Response: wow, all these great reviews make me so happy! Actually, this poem began as a song, so I guess that explains a lot. And yes, I intentionally made it applicable to life outside harry potter, so non-hp fans would take it seriously as well. And it\'s always nice to know that my writing makes someone ache because of beauty and potency. ah, little shivers! thanks so much for the awesome review.