Reality competes with the magical world of my imagination.
"MUCH madness is divinest sense
To a discerning eye;
Much sense the starkest madness.
’T is the majority
In this, as all, prevails.
Assent, and you are sane;
Demur,—you ’re straightway dangerous,
And handled with a chain."
Don't read if you are offended with rape and abuse. Contains events that will be quite offensive and possibly "disgusting". You have been warned.
Runner Up in the Dangerous Liaisons Awards and He Had It Coming Awards.
~The story is now Complete!~
Thanks for reading!
First, I want to say I think you're a brilliant writer. You really truly understand the characters that you're writing about and you truly understand the emotional, physical, and mental consequences of rape. The feelings of the victim, and rarely, even, the feelings of the rapist. I was able to relate to this story most disturbingly, yet soothingly. I went through basically the same exact thing Hermione went through in this story, except since we weren't a room apart, it was more like he was stalking me. Originally, when my efforts to stop him proved futile, I could not tell anyone for fear, and then, just as horrifyngly, I began to love him, and just as Draco began to change, so did he. I don't know how the second part of this story will be or if I will relate as well as I did to the harrowing events and anguished emotions of the first half, but it was very very honestly and passionately written, so I look forward to continuing the read. My jailer though, while finally confessing to me that he knew what he was doing (because the pain was so much for me that I finally began to confront him about what he was doing to me) would never dream of confessing it to anyone else, (though he very recently told me he may tell his preist, which shocked me) and then he began to abuse me in ways other than physically, sexually, and mentally..as if he hadn't stolen away enough of my innocence and my dignity. These things are far too painful for me to repeat, for even now I begin to feel sick and lightheaded from the memories that haunt me and keep me up late at night to cry and dread and forgive and hate and love...and never forget...it is this sickness that I often felt at the words of your writing, which I attribute to your undeniable talent and profound comprehension of human emotion and suffering. You knew it and wrote it so well that I wonder if you have experienced or known someone who experienced what you wrote about. I am still a prisoner to him, unable to trust any men, unable to feel anything for anyone else, but it's been a year since he last sexually assaulted me and a few months since he last verbally assualted me, so my feelings for him, with time, have been diminishing (to my joy [and somehow sorrow]). He of course, like Draco, did begin to change, but eventually went back to his ways and I had to finally separate us and be strong, though it still kills me and we still find excuses to talk occasionally. As sick and horrible as it is. Anyway, my point is that I really want you to realize how powerful your work is and how meaningful it has been for me. I even want to send it to him, see how he responds. He will, no doubt, relate just as well as I did, and if I do pluck up the courage to send it, and I'm not sure if I will, I will surely send you his response. Finally, I just want to thankyou. Because no one before has understood any of what i've gone through, what it feels like, how it destroys you and defines you at the same time. How terribly lonely it is, and yet...
I just finished the 2nd half of the story. I realize many things were different between Hermione and I now. I did not stay with my captor for lust and to maintain that lust, I did it because I sought love and was desperate to add a happier meaning to the traumatic memories that wouldn't leave me. Raised in a violent family, where I, the youngest, was singled out and abused, being the smallest one and the one without any violent tendencies, that being taken advantage of by a violent and lustfilled senior (i was a freshman and he a senior in highschool when it began) meant to me that if I could change the situation with him, get him to love me, as what he did manipulated my mind and soul into loving him, then there was hope for me changing my life at home. And if my homelife didn't change, then he could save me from it. I stayed with him, clinging to a desparate denial of the fact that he knew he was hurting me, I came up with excuses for his actions, and told myself that he loved me but was unaware how to show it, maybe because he, like I, had abuse in his past.(I eventually discovered his homelife was "perfect", how it was possible for him to become who he was, I still yearn to know) I never wanted him to feel pain except when I almost turned him into the police...but I just couldn't do it. I thought about what it would do to his life and his family and instead hoped that I could talk to him again, get him to repent, closure without revenge, "peace without victory" (Woodrow Wilson). As I began to confront him about the way he made me feel, he began to change and I began to be passionate for him and the lust became mutual, but I believe that was really a result of me finally feeling like I was loved by somebody. I did call him my drug, (I dubbed him "Heroin":orgasmic to the body and soul but much more so detrimental to both) but my desperation to be held by him, to feel his touch, was my need for his embrace, not my need for his libido. I was shocked, excited, and disgusted when I began to find his touch pleasurable (the touch that was far from an embrace) and I began to confuse the two. But I eventually very painfully learned the difference between a passionate hug and his lustful abuse of me. But every now and then I had the courage to confront him, and he changed, he remained sexual with me, but not violent, he did not force me to do anything and we no longer went as "far" as he had forced me in the past. I yearned to give him pleasure, it made me feel worthy of his presence, but even that began to change, we began to become equals and he began to tell me that he loved me and how much it hurt for him to leave me. Then, very suddenly, he sexually assaulted me once more and attempted to cut off all contact with me, the assault was in no way consentual because I realized early on in meeting him that he was behaving differently..but not differently from how it had all began. I remember hysterically crying the whole time and him ignoring me completely but for the occasional dirty comment that twisted my insides with fear and disgust. Besides the differences though, I still firmly believe that you did a tremendous job, and your description of the dark side of human nature is haunting in all its veracity. You are a focused, intelligent, and emotional writer, in other words, I think your work was brilliant. I cannot tell you how happy I am that the story was not a happy ending, as so many people had hoped for. Just as this story was not about love, I had to realize that what I was going through, what I was being put through, was not love. Did I eventually come to adore everything about him, his faults, his attributes..yes..i did love him, especially when he had changed, which was for a good many many months...but he was what he was, and I could not change him, he had to change himself. I do not yet know how well he has changed, we talk very little, a long story of course, but we do from time to time. I do not know if he has changed, I do not know if he has begun to torture another, but one of the reasons I have remained in contact with him is to find out and stop him from causing the sort of pain he caused me, the other reason, I guiltily admit, is that it is very hard for me to lose someone that has become such a huge part of my life and who I am. As detrimental as it has been, I have begun to recover slowly (though it never truly leaves), and I do a lot of volunteer work, in particular at a women's shelter for women and their children that have been victim's of domestic violence. It is a great organization and it does everything possible to help these women emotionally, mentally, phsycially, spiritually, and even financially. And now I thank you again, for allowing me the experience of reading such a powerful piece of art.
AHHHH! That's me laughing uncontrollably, by the way. this story was completely ridiculous...and yet I loved it. It was exceedingly dirty and yet exceedingly hilarious. I couldn't get over all the things everyone was saying. I had my head stuffed in my pillow for minutes at a time I was laughing so hard. Particularly when Draco first responds to Snape scolding him to say, "Sorry Professor, I was just trying to get Hermione to make out with me." This fic actually shows how repressed all of these characters really are...and yeah...to repeat myself...I couldn't stop laughing. I'm even smiling now, you rock!
Forgive me, but it does seem OOC for Hermione to be manipulating Snape in this way, putting him under a spell and all. Or perhaps I haven't read far enough to understand what's going on? It makes me very uneasy seeing her this way, as the Snape/Hermione relationship has always made me uneasy, but Subversa turned it into a splendid romance so I began yours when I saw you referenced hers. Your writing is very good, and you've definitely got my interest, and perhaps, after all, the uneasiness I feel is your intent, part of the story. Since, Snape himself is uneasy...as was Harry and everyone else who saw..eek! Not saying this is bad though, it's rather interesting.
Author's Response: Well, I did try to keep her in character for the situation, and the course of the fic, and perhaps, if you\'ve finished the fic at the this point, you\'ll have changed your mind. (As a general rule though, I do not tend to advise reading ships that make you uneasy to begin with....) I\'m glad that you think it\'s interesting so far, though, thanks for reading and reviewing!
Whoa! That was crazy. Funny as it was, I actually felt really bad for Hermione, she must have been so uncomfortable the whole time, although they couldn't help it, she was being sexually harassed constantly. Poor girl. But that ending is too much for me, and I'm begging for another sequel, you're too funny to end here, I swear. It'd be the most hilarious series ever.
Once upon a time in the far, far, away land of California, Miranda Aramintha Rowena Ysabella Slyvia Ursula Evangelista- Mary Sue, for short- accepted an invitation to Hogwarts. As she searches for her one true love, will her soul mate be Draco? Harry? Snape? Colin? Fred and George? or...gasp...Voldemort?
Nominated for a Quicksilver Quill for Best Humour Fiction.
hahahaha this was great. that's completely 100% true, the Mary Sue character, at one time when I was writing fanfics people would send in themselves as Characters they wanted to be in my fic and they all were perfect and beautiful with red streaks in their hair. Those were the ones I killed off in the beginning, mwahaha. this was funny and delightfully sardonic.
Author's Response: At least you recognized them, lol. If they don\'t have super powers or incredible beauty, sometimes the ugly truth doesn\'t set it until they die beautifully and you want to spit on their grave! :D Thanks!
In the far, far away land of California, where the moon was in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligned with Mars, an Aquarian girl was called to Hogwarts, met the Marauders, and let her love steer the stars!
*Groovy prequel to Mary Sue, I love you!*
Nominated for a Quicksilver Quill for Best Humour Fiction.
hahahaha awesome. you know your Mary Sue
Author's Response: I actually like mine more than lots of others, since I firmly believe if she\'s going to have all the guys panting after her, the least she can do is snog them all to give the reader some small satisfaction! :D
interesting, interesting. but it was too short for me to yet have any idea what's going on. ah well, i still love it. update soon, please! ahh!
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!
I must say I'm intrigued. I'm hooked at chapter 3.
Author's Response: Cool! Thanks for reviewing!
hahaha that was so cute with Tom in the library, he was definitely waiting for her to leave (since she was the only one in there) so he could sneak and get a book about horcruxes or something. Of course, I could be completely off and he just definitely knows how to get his way when he wants a chair. Either way it suits the character of a soon-to-be Voldemort. Compliments, because that was a good scene with good characterization. I'm curious about this snowman: i'm wondering whether it's just foundation for the girls' friendship, perhaps a moment of bliss to juxtapose future conflicts/struggles , or even something secretly meaningful that could play a role in the plot. Or why else would it have been a long scene? Only a good writer can make someone ponder as I am about a snowman, not even the makers of Frosty have acheived that. Anyway good job, keep it up!
Author's Response: wow, long review! Well, I guess you like this story a lot if you\'re analyzing it that much! And i must say, I am flattered :). I meant for the snowman scene to be just a foundation of their friendship, you know, to move it along a bit, but you gave me some good ideas...hmmm...I might just use them :)
exceptional entertainment. I loved it. This is two pieces of yours I've come across by accident and thought were great to read. i look forward to more of your work =)
Author's Response: Thank you. I've written quite a lot, so maybe you'll find something else to enjoy.
awesome. really engaging and elegantly written. my heart raced throughout the entire story.
Author's Response: OOH, thank you very much. It was a hard story to plan, but once I started I found it difficult to stop writing. Glad you enjoyed it ~Carole~