Penname: kehribar [Contact]
Real name:
Member Since: 06/26/06
Website:
Beta-reader: No
Status: Member
Bio:


Hello, dear visitor,



I figured, after almost five years of frequenting Mugglenet Fanfiction, it's time I write out an author profile for myself.



I'm a twenty-three year old, thoroughly confused graduate student who has written fanfiction, amongst other things, virtually all her life. I've found MNFF in the summer of 2006 and went on to the beta boards to find a beta reader. I've been trapped here and there ever since. :)



I took down five (or six?) stories from the site when I left the realm in 2008. So now it's a fresh start. I hope you enjoy my stories, dear reader, and if you do, be assured that it's unbelievably easy to let me know by typing a review in the box below.



Thank you for dropping by!

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Reviews by kehribar
 

Between Now and Then by erikthephantom
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 724]

Summary: In this riveting sequel to the "acclaimed" Veiled Revelations, Voldemort has risen to his full strength and is threatening both the wizarding world and the muggle world in an attempt to gain total control. A small group of people - the Order of the Phoenix - are all that stand in his way. Join James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Lily Evans as they battle the most evil wizard the world has ever seen. (Reviews are always nice and appreciated - and Erik has rated this story 6th-7th years as a result of her incorrigible pride).


Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 120076 Chapters: 34 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/14/05 Updated: 09/01/06


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 09/01/06 Title: Chapter 34: Finis

Anytime I read a review something like "I swear I'm crying right now", I just couldn't help but wonder how could people cry over a fanfiction that they know how to end. Now I know.

 

MOMENTS OF BLISS by moonymaniac
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 1201]

Summary: Remus Lupin is a man with a tragic past, filled with pain, suffering and sorrow. But it is also a past filled with great adventure, true friendship and…love? Even though the odds were against him, Remus found happiness at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He had the Marauders, he was a prefect and his transformations were less horrible, thanks to his Animagi friends. What more could a teenage werewolf want? And how long could his happiness last? Remus and the Marauders prove that in the saddest of lives and darkest of times, there can still be moments of bliss.

Remus centric but with a lot of the other Marauders. This story is a romance, but has almost as much general Marauder era background and side story as romance.
Pre-HBP and DH, so some things from DH will be disregarded, as the warning indicates, but some Spoilers will be incorporated.

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded, Character Death

Word count: 435441 Chapters: 71 Completed: No
Published:
06/08/05 Updated: 02/25/14


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 02/10/07 Title: Chapter 39: Home for the Holidays

*squirms* *yawns widely*

Oh, now that did sound like I was yawning because of the story. I'm sorry, I'm yawning and my eyes hurt because it's almost morning here and I was just going to "take a look" at your story before going to bed. I've been so caught up with it that -argh- my eyes are hurting so much.

*grins*

I'm sorry about the babble. I wanted to leave a word just to let you know that I'm reading and very much enjoying your story. I had been reading this a while ago, and dear, the last time I remember, I was so excited that "Sweet Sixteen" was up. It's been great to read so many great chapters from where I had left.

Thanks for a lovely read that once again made me want to continue reading Marauder Era fics. I'll hopefully keep a closer eye on the story from now on ;)

~kehribar

Author's Response: *grins* *waves at fellow Gryff* I hope you didn\'t lose too much sleep on MoB\'s behalf, but I\'m thrilled to know that you are reading and enjoyed it. I want to do my part to promote the Marauder Era, as it is my favorite of the fandom! I hope you will stick around also! ;) Thank you so much, kehribar. I really appreciate you taking the time to leave me a lovely review.

 
Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 04/21/07 Title: Chapter 42: Out of His Mind

"So, did the ends justify the means?" This just summarizes all the discussion in this chapter. I wonder what the answer to that would be - I'd say no, because I think intention is more important than the outcome. Well, I guess that would depend on the side from which we look at life: if we place people in the center of life, intentions would be the determinant of our reactions; if what happens is the more important, I think it'd show that events are more important than the people we let in our lives. Aah, the never-ending dilemma of poor Remus! How I feel sorry for him... ;) Moony, I realy envy your devotion to this story - I really wish I were like that, too - two of my three stories have been waiting for their last chapters to be written for the longest time! I can really do with some writing tips :(

~kehribar

Author's Response: Ahh, kehribar, I should know to expect a profound analysis from you. :) Thank you. To think that you would give real thought to the answer to that question makes me feel so very good, because you are thinking about the story and what poor Remus is facing. :) I really hope you won\'t be disappointed in Remus\' decision. Aww...*hugs* I think my devotion is more of an obsession. I\'m sorry you are finding the last chapters difficult to finish. I know the few times I\'ve found it very difficult to get a chapter written, I\'ve banned myself from the computer, which distracts me to no end, and literally forced myself to write or I could not get back on until it was completed. Those chapters haven\'t been that much fun, but fortunately, they\'ve been few and far between. My only tip is to just do it! I know you can. *cheers Ayse on* Thank you for the lovely, very thoughtful review. :)

 
Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 01/09/11 Title: Chapter 60: Careening Towards the Edge

This is heart-wrenching, you know, the heartbreak the poor boy is going through. I went back and read some previous chapters in order to catch up, and once again fell in love with Remus's parents. I very much like the concept of giving him someone to hold on to - frankly, most of the time, I find the 'Remus Lupin who had been all alone all his life' approach entirely too depressing. ;)



What's happening with Will? I love that character a lot - actually, I think it's your OCs that make MoB such a good read for me. Lindi, after sixty huge chapters (wow!) still is something of a conundrum to me. I don't know what to feel about her, but somehow, you've made everything about that character very reachable, so I always feel symphatetic towards her. Anyway, I really love the way you portrayed the relationship between Will and Dorcas - the way you interweave all these characters really help bring them alive.



Finally, I have to ask this: it's the poster of Lindi at Madam Malkin's that you felt like illustrating, isn't it? Ooh, I'm sure it is! (And if I'm wrong, which part is it, so I can pester you from time to time to do it? :)



And so the wait for the next chapter begins.. :D

Author's Response: Yay...another Will fan. Thank you, Ayse. I do enjoy creating the OC's, so I'm thrilled when I hear they work. It is one of the things I enjoy about writing Marauder Era, aside from the actual Marauders. We have so much freedom, in fact necessity, to write characters to fill in the story, either our own or those we know very little about, like Dorcas. It's just so much fun. And I agree about alone Remus. His life is sad enough without having him orphaned or abandoned by his parents. I love him to much to do that to him.

Ha...the poster...well, actually, that isn't it, but there is an illustration of Lindi from the next chapter that I've wanted to draw for almost 5 years! Yes, I've had part of next chapter plotted in my head and partially on paper since the beginning of the story. :) Actually, the next chapter is one of the very first ones I wrote. I can't believe I've finally reached it 60 chapters later. O.O Of course, I've not even attempted the drawing. *sigh* The illustration from this chapter is the Marauders and Lily and Celia going to the punk club. *pictures Sirius with skinny jeans, fitted short blazer and spiked collar* *Remus with spiked hair* :*) LOL You should do it. You are so much better with that sort of thing. :D And it would take me months to do them all. >.< Still, someday I'd like to illustrate the whole thing. Ha...that would take me another 5+ years. Now, I'll shut up so I can get to that next chapter, so it isn't forever in coming. Thank you for reviewing, Ayse. I really appreciate your comments.

 
Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 02/02/08 Title: Chapter 48: Friends Like These (Part 1)

Just popping in to say that I'm still a fan of MoB, I'm here and reading! Nice chapter, Moony :) I, for one, have no idea how you manage to write such long chapters without wandering off of the main point. *envies* But I guess that's one reason why updates are somewhat scarce...? ;)

Author's Response: Oh, yay, Ayse! I\'m so happy to *see* you. :D I\'m very relieved if it seems that I am staying on point. I like to think I am, but lately, with so many RL distractions, I really feel like I\'m struggling to even remember what the main point is. *blush* So I guess it is all related and why updates are scarce. :*/ I will try to get to the point in a more timely fashion, though it will probably continue to take me far too many words to do it. I just dont know how to be concise. LOL Thank you so much for letting me know you are still reading.

 

A Single Miscalculation by megan_lupin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: One night will always be remembered in the world of Harry Potter. There was one night that started it all — a Dark Lord was defeated, a friendship was broken, and a child was left an orphan, yet hailed as a hero at the same time. The night of All Hallow’s Eve is recounted once again in this tale.

I know what you are thinking. Anyone would think the same thing. You want to hear the story, the tale, from the very beginning. You want to know exactly what happened on that Halloween night of 1981.

Very well. I can tell you about the one night that I will never forget — the night of 31 October, nearly sixteen years ago.


Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Violence

Word count: 3448 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/26/05 Updated: 10/26/05


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 03/10/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Night It All Began

I think this is a very interesting story. I haven't read any stories told from Voldermort's point of view, and this was a nice one to start with. I like how you show the events from the other side; what Voldemort planned, what he thought and how he felt during and in the aftermath of the events.
Though there are a few things that you haven't filled in, and some of them left question marks in my mind. Like, I wonder why James asked him what he had done with Peter. Do you think that Peter's betrayal was a sudden one, because Voldemort says he had come to him the other night? And the ending... actually, it is a bit vague, but I like how you ended it - it is a nice point to finish the story, from where the reader can add his/her own thoughts about what happened afterwards.
All in all, it is a very interesting and nicely written story. Keep on :)

Author's Response: Oh, Ayse, thanks so much for the review. This was my first attempt at a first-person PoV (and Voldemort\'s mind isn\'t the best of places to be, either). I\'m glad you thought it turned out all right.

The way I see the betrayal as happening is a bit sudden. Also, I think James wouldn\'t have thought his friend would willingly give him up. He\'s afraid that Voldemort captured and killed Peter, so the \'betrayal\' bit comes as a bit of a shock.

The ending was left vague on purpose, you\'re right. Whatever idea a reader has on what happened to Voldemort and the other participants that night can all happen with the way I ended it, so it\'s not like it\'s stepping on anyone\'s ideas.

Glad you liked it, and thank you once again for the review.

~Megan

 

Bedtime by Vindictus Viridian
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 68]

Summary: Past Featured StoryThe Malfoys are entertaining, and it is time for little Draco to go to bed. He, of course, can think of better things to do than sleep.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1703 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/08/06 Updated: 03/08/06


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 01/17/07 Title: Chapter 1: A Story

This was surely amusing, VV. The whole story was like a harsh poke to Draco in the head. And it is such a perfect example to show that second person PoV can be really interesting when the author manages to pull it off. But that sparks more questions about the issue.
*runs off the edit her post in the forums with more questions*

I have a question, though. What is that graveyard Snape tells Draco about? I can't remember a graveyard on school grounds... or did you just come up with it? I'm just curious.

Oh and I'd be flattered if, by any chance, you'd come across my second person PoV one-shot which is now in queue.

Author's Response: The graveyard was mentioned in an interview with Rowling, though I can\'t for the life of me remember where. It made such a nice Draco-scaring detail that it just had to come in. I\'ve added little things to the Hogwarts geography myself now and then, but that one is genuinely not mine.

Thanks for the review! I hadn\'t really meant to self-promote on the forums like that. The forums actually spawned the story in the first place. Somebody said, \"I\'d like to see more fics in second-person,\" and suddenly there I was trying it.

*scurries back to third-person-cozily-limited*

 
Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 01/17/07 Title: Chapter 1: A Story

(Now that I re-read my review, that "poke Draco in the head" part seemed a bit weird. Um, I really am not sure if it sounds like an insult or simply sounds rude, but in that case, it is never ever my intend. Please accept my apologies.)

Author's Response: Eh. Draco could use a few pokes in the head. Accepted, of course!

 

Lupine by sugarquillgirl
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 23]

Summary: Fate. It was the thing that allowed Remus Lupin to become who is he was. A filthy half-breed. A monster. A werewolf. But fate enters Remus' life once again in the form of two trouble-making boys, the only people who can show Remus what it is like not to fear the moon.

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 15216 Chapters: 4 Completed: No
Published:
03/29/06 Updated: 07/03/07


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 11/02/06 Title: Chapter 1: Memories

Very nice chapter. You really get the characterization of Remus well. And the Marauders and Lily as well. Oh, I love such good-written Marauder fics. Great job ;)

Author's Response: Well, thank you. I\'m really happy that you enjoyed it! =)

 
Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 11/02/06 Title: Chapter 3: Family Rivalry

Okay... indeed, your constructive criticism request drew my attention. I'm sorry if you don't find this helpful at all, but it's the dead of the night - or morning - and my eyes are half-closed, so...
Anyway, about your story...
Basically, I really think you're a good writer. You have a very good grasp of the canon characters, but it still isn't easy to demonstrate such an accurate characterization. About that, I applaud you.
Also, I could almost feel Remus' excitement about Hogwarts (especially the desription of the Great Hall is absolutely great) and his nervousness about making friends. The atmosphere is very well demonstrated.
Now, especially for the second chapter, there's a small thing that you may want to look out for. You see, some scenes are cut rather short, and the transition between sentences seems a little abrubt. For example, I felt that the Sorting Feast could be described more intensely. You might not want to put the hat's song, but you could add a few random names in between the Marauders. I think that would help stressing each of their nervousness about the sorting a little more. Another example for my point is their dormitory. They just.. crawl into bed, and... sleep. It seemed a little awkard to me: what did they think about their dormitory? You could describe the room. How did they choose their beds? Overall, what I'm trying to say is, these and a few other points seem to lack enough description in between a deeply constructed atmosphere.
As for this chapter, the only thing I'd suggest would be to change the first sentences of the second pharagraph: we began with Transfiguration and McGonnagal's introduction, and then, suddenly, "It was nearing lunch time, and the three boys had already been to their first three classes at Hogwarts. " I was like "Huh?Whatever heppened to Transfiguration?" Only by the middle of the pharagraph I got that the lesson was just before lunch. Maybe you should add that it wasn't their first class of the day, because I thought so, and the scond phragraph really distracted me.
And a little something else: "kindly show the show the class..." You see, it's repeated twice.
I really hope I helped a little. And I apologize if some of the things I wrote didn't make sense - my still developing English is the one to blame.
I'll be adding this to my favourites so that I can see when you update.

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I\'m so glad you took the time to give me advice. It really brought things to my attention that I hadn\'t noticed before -- which is always a good thing, no matter what. I do have a tendency to rush through my chapters when I write, and, if I took the time, I could include a lot of little things in between that really make the story. Everything you pointed out was very helpful, and in later chapters, I will try to improve! Thank you so much again for reading and especially for reviewing! =D

 

Moony's Quidditch Lesson by moonymaniac
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 24]

Summary: The Marauders are in their second year and it is a beautiful day. Of course James would want to play some Quidditch. But is Remus the athletic type?
This is just a little piece I wrote for Quidditch Tryouts on the MNFF Forums last fall. I see it as a companion piece to my larger fic, Moments of Bliss, a sort of missing scene, if you will.


Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2323 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/22/06 Updated: 04/25/06


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 01/27/07 Title: Chapter 1: Moony's Quidditch Lesson

Hi Moony,

Here's a review for you from the Gryffindor Review Crew for your win in Dean's Corner Christmas challenge! Congratulations (and for yet winning the Cover Art challenge as well)!

Well, as for the story, I am mostly amazed by the characterisation. Absolutely nothing feels out-of-character; on the contrary, I am very impressed by how well you write the characters in relation to canon. This story very well shows Remus's unability so say 'no' to his friends; Peter is just a kid like his friends - not a little brat who already shows signs of his future-betreyal; and James's character is like an extension of the scene by the lake we witness in Snape's Worst Memory. On the whole, I think, this story is a wonderful piece, especially with outstanding characterisation.

Excellent job! :)

Author's Response: Hello, kehribar! So nice of you to give this little story some attention! It hasn\'t had any in a while and then I find two lovely reviews. :-) I really appreciate your comments on the characterization. That means so much to me. I love the Marauders and really want them to be accurate. Thanks for the lovely review, and for the congrats. *whispers* I\'m glad you picked this story, otherwise, my readers on the long one would know I\'d been drawing instead of writing. LOL Of course, I only do it when I\'m in a writing slump! ;) Thank you, kehribar. This was very nice of you.

 

On My Own by JC_Cainstone
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 43]

Summary: "Tonks watched him turn and raise his hand in his normal farewell salute. She copied, hoping it looked as natural on her as it did on him.



His chuckle of amusement told her it didn't."



Tonks liked him, she wasn't afraid to admit it, to herself anyway. To him? Never!



But what if she dared to...?

Categories: Remus/Tonks Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 13917 Chapters: 6 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/05/06 Updated: 10/31/06


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 04/07/07 Title: Chapter 6: On My Own

Hello,

I really loved your story. The language is beautiful and flows easily. What I like most about this story is that it doesn't follow the classical Tonks/Remus story pattern. I like it how you mildly avoid the clichd ways of R/T romance. The ending is my favourite part - half through the last chapter I was inwardly hoping that they wouldn't just realise that they couldn't do away from each other and run to each other's arms, so to conclude it with a desperate clich about the happy ending after hopeless situations. So, weird, but I'm happy you didn't end it on a happy note! It makes the story unique.

Thanks for a lovely read!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, and thanks for taking time to leave such a lovely review! I wrote this before reading any R/T fics, so I\'m pretty glad I managed to avoid any cliches. I\'m also glad you liked the ending, \'twas originally going to be their wedding but decided against that at the last minute, thank goodness. Thank you again for this brilliant review!

 

Journeying with Albus by joanna
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: Accompany Cassandra West on the journey of her life. See how an uneventful ship voyage turns into danger, love and magic.



Written for the May Monthly Challenge One: Pilgrimage where this fic was runner-up in its category!

Slightly AU.

Categories: Historical Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 3098 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/21/06 Updated: 06/21/06


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 01/13/07 Title: Chapter 1: Journeying with Albus

Hi,
Your story was recommended in the forums and I dropped by and I'm so happy that I did. I really loved your story. The historical atmosphere is constructed nicely, and the idea of bringing together Albus and Cassandra is a very good one. I very much enjoyed reading this; thanks for a lovely read!


 

Last Letter by whittyleah
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 22]

Summary: Alia is to be put to death for treason against the Dark Lord. She is alone, awaiting her fate. She could despair over her misfortune, but instead she writes a letter, her last letter.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1095 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/02/06 Updated: 07/05/06


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 01/27/07 Title: Chapter 1: Last Letter

Hi Leah,

Wow. The moment I started reading, the story gripped me, pulling me into another world. And when I finished, I blinked and let go of a long breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. Your writing is great.

Alia seems to a be a very, very real character. What I'm really interested about is how you made your OC so believable despite some very common characteristics you gave her. She is beautiful, and a fighter against the Dark Lord, a very determined and strong person... yet she confesses her weakness to the reader in such an honest and un-caring manner that I think this is what makes her so realistic. She confesses that she is afraid and that she'd go on thinking herself as a coward if it hadn't been for Charlie. She is afraid, but trying to get away from the war due to her fear makes her feel as if she's acting cowardly, and this portrays a weak character. But her fears and her weaknesses, which, I believe, are firstly her parents, then Charlie, and then every Wizard in the world in danger, are what makes her strong and a true fighter.

I also liked how well you conveyed the atmosphere of war and terror through Alia's narrative.

Still, I felt like this piece is more like a fairy-tale tale than a realistic story. It must be because of the language and style: since this is a letter, written hastily and in rush to tell everything, it is very intense. An absolutely wonderful story would come out of all the information you give in this letter ;)

To conclude, I really liked this story (but it must clear so far!). Wonderful writing! :)


Author's Response: Thank you! I am glad you liked it! Alia just flowed out of me...I never had a problem writing her, she sort of wrote herself. Thank you again!

 

Someone Beside Me by hermione210
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 17]

Summary: Lily Evans reflects on how James has treated her over the years, and how she has treated him in return. Small mention of character death.



One-shot written for the Gryffindor In-House Banner Challenge in response to the banner by wendelin the weird.

Categories: James/Lily Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1191 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/23/06 Updated: 07/30/06


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 10/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I think your story is really beautifully written.The characterization is excellent, and it's a very realistic account from Lily's point of view. One thing I'd suggest (or comment; you decide) would be about the pattern you follow: I'd expect the paragraphs written in italics to be flashbacks, but then, they should not be told from Lily's own point of view. If Lily's POV is to be resumed, then they should not be in italics, and the flashback should be tied to Lily's thoughts with a few words. For example:

"...whether I wanted him to be there or not.

Once, in out first year, I was sitting under a willow tree near the lake, studying..."

Of course this is just that's what I think.

Othervise;
Bravo!

Author's Response: Thank you, kehribar! I\'m glad you liked my first [published] story. I was very hesitant about even putting it on MNFF, but all the lovely reviews I\'ve gotten have convinced me that I made the right choice. I used the italics the way I did because they were flashbacks, as you pointed out. I told them from Lily\'s point of view because they were her memories- and they weren\'t using a Pensieve. It was Lily remembering Lily\'s experiences. So, point taken, and I appreciate the concrit, but I think I\'ll stick with what I\'ve got. :) Thank you again for the lovely review and the concrit! ~Becca

 

After the War by honeydukes_10
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 22]

Summary: Harry has just gotten home, to the Burrow, and many surprises are in store for him. What has happened to Ron? How will he react to the changes? Why is he getting a letter from the Ministry? Does he have to leave again? All these questions and more are answered in this story of love, hate, and secrets.



Chapter 2: Surprises Now Up! Please, guys, read and review! I would love to hear what you think about the story!

Categories: Ron/Hermione AND Harry/Ginny Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 3899 Chapters: 2 Completed: No
Published:
10/30/06 Updated: 05/20/07


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 11/04/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1:Welcome Home, Harry

lol.. sure Jenn, after all, my comment is just as personal as yours - you have a good point, too. Anyway, it's up to Andrea to decide, right? ;)

 
Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 11/04/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1:Welcome Home, Harry

Let me first say:

I loved it.

Really! The pattern you follow is great: the introduction is short and informative, things happen fast, and then, when Harry comes out of the hospital, it smoothly slows down, keeping up the pace with a welcome home party. Great job!

One thing slightly disturbed me, though: do you really thing Harry could so easily get over something that terrible? What I mean to say is, I think Mrs. Weasley could be feeling somewhat angry to Harry - she may not rationally think that what happened to Ron was his fault, but being the mother she is (remember the boggart scene in OotP?) I think you can describe her sorrow and possible anger towards Harry a little more in depth. And I think Harry would feel terribly guilty, in fact - I mean, his heart sinks to the bottom of the Earth when Cedric is murdured just because he was with him: he blamed himself for telling Cedric to take the cup with him, therefore he thinks it's his fault that he's death. Now, the people in question is not a fellow student whom he didn't have anything in common, but his very best friend. And also, Ron is injured primarily because of him. So I figure he'd feel absolutely terrible.

And, dear, what happened to Ron? Noooo, what did you do to him, you author!!! ;)
Okay, I know you're not going to tell me. Yesss, the ending is spectecular - there's no better way to guarantee that whoever reads the first chapter will wait for the second.

So it means, I'll be waiting for the next chapter - I need to make sure Ron's gonna be okay:)


Author's Response: *whining* But, but, but, Jenn made me change it......*clears throat* No, I agree with you, but I also agree with Jenn. Maybe I should have putted something in there about her being a little more upset. But, anyways, thanks for reviewing, Ayse. It really means a lot to me. I\'m glad you liked it, and I will update as soon as possible with the next chapter.

 

Shattered Illusions by Werewolf_sympathiser
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 1]

Summary: Snape finds himself in a distressing situation and Sirius sets about setting things right. The third installment in the 'Seven Steps to Ruin' series.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1066 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/31/06 Updated: 11/02/06


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 11/03/06 Title: Chapter 1: Shattered Illusions

It certainly is not "utterly rubbish", don't even think of such a thing! It is believeable, indeed. But I think it can be improved. You see, you're attempting to write one of the most emotional and trumatic scenes in HP-verse. I think your fic is really good, but it's really short for such an intense position. At this stage, it looks like the skeleton of your real story. There are lots of thoughts and feelings and emotion that can be filled in between the lines. For example, the beginning is great: Snape breaks into a run, in the shock of understanding his fault. That part's very good, I think. The rest of the story could be "filled in" as such, if you know what I mean.

So, overall, I think it's a very sound and solid foundation on which you can definitely build miracles.

Author's Response: Thank you for your comments :) I know it\'s a bit short but I wasn\'t sure what to write if you know what I mean and sometimes it can be more effective to write less...but I dunno lol thanks

 

Summary: They say every beautiful princess gets her prince. In the wizarding world, it's true that every pureblooded princess got her Prince. Rosalind Prewett was no exception. Betrothed to Phillip Prince in the Middle Ages, Rosalind and her beloved will face many trials before they reach Happily Ever After.

Categories: Hospital Wing Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 4905 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/31/06 Updated: 11/07/06


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 01/03/07 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot

Hi,

Let me first say that this is one of the most "beautiful" stories I have ever read. This is not meant to be a simple compliment: the feeling your story gave me was "beauty". I'm not sure if that's because it's about a fairytale. But it is for sure that I wouldn't find the Muggle version of this tale this beautiful!

I love the interaction between Severus and Eileen, and you've characterised Tobias very nicely: He and Eileen seems to be a couple and to create an environment from which the Snape we know can grow up. (I hope this sentence makes sense.) Wonderful characterization.

The only thing that very slightly disturbed me is that Severus is not acting like he's seven. He may be an intelligent and clever kid, but I think he sounds at least nine or ten. His eagerness for the story is lovely, though.

A vry little point but, maybe you should clarify what kind of school he's going. A Muggle school, I presume? It can be understood from the flow, but I think adding that at the beginning, when he first comes from school, would clear up. Just a suggestion.

Wonderful work! I'll be sure to take at look at your other stories ;) Good luck with your further writing.

~Ayse

 

Red, Yellow, and Orange by TheMadMugggle
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 8]

Summary: How do you hold onto something that is gone forever? How do you let go of something that is a part of you? Many people will have to answer these questions in the aftermath of the war against Voldemort. Including Ginny Weasley.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1658 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/13/06 Updated: 11/21/06


Reviewer: kehribar Signed
Date: 12/08/06 Title: Chapter 1: Red, Yellow, and Orange

I think this is a very refreshing writing in between all the one-type dark/angsty fics. I really loved your style, mostly because it resembles my own stories I always write in my native language. Focusing on emotions rather than action or narration. That's how I like it, and I think you've aced it.

Unlike kumy, I think your use of italics is a good choice. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't even think about where Ginny is and why all this is happening. The italics and use of first person PoV implicated to me that this is actually a journey through the depths of Ginny's heart. It is simply great.

However, especially some sentences in the first few paragraphs are somewhat unclear and confusing.

"The dog turns and walks away and I follow. I know that I don't want to go where he leads. I know that I want nothing more than to follow."

You use sentence in the beginning of a paragraph, but in the next, there's "I don't stop. I know where I am being led. I don't care about their gossip, lives, or deaths. I just want to get where we are going." Normally, I understand all the contradictions of feelings and emotions, but this one seems a tad confusing and even somewhat unintentional to me. But again, this is just how I felt.

Also, the dog thing looks a bit irrelevant. Explaining the why in responses to reviews only helps individuals. I think you should relate the dog to something or another so that it would fit better in the flow, not leaving question marks in the reader's mind.

To sum up, I think this is a very good fiction, and I congragulate you. If you want to read a more formal version of this reveiw, please drop by the Fiction Junction, Recommend Your Favourite Story Part Deux thread in the forums.

Ayse.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the reviews. The one on fiction Junction was a true honor. As for the confusing parts, they were deliberate. I was trying to convay the desire to hold onto something, even if it is causing us pain. We want to have happiness, yet we cling to misery. It\'s as if we would hold onto a red-hot poker before we would let go and fall into the void. So we swing from poker to poker rather like children playing on the monkey bars instead of embracing the fall. Falling is the only way that we can grow and change. Just as Harry said later in the story, he was always just a possibility. The dog does seem a bit irrelevant. It is a spirit guide for Ginny in her dream. In certian Native American cultures, spirit guides take the shape of animals. I felt that if Ginny were to have one it would be an almost wolf-like dog. One such as White Fang, from the Jack London book of the same name. I tried to make a kinship between her and the dog earlier in the story and didn\'t do much with it. Again, thank you so much for your reviews. I am truly happy that you enjoyed my story.

 
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