Ron & Harry's fight was intense, and the releasing ceremony was, again, creative, and hauntingly beautiful. done very well. You're writing is very realistic, though I get a different feel from it then I would reading Harry Potter & most fan fics; there is a signature uniquity about it. (Uniquity is a word I made up. But I like it.)
Finally caught up :) that last chapter was just as good as the previous ones. That situation with Draco/Lucius/Harry is very powerful. And I'm glad I finally know what Draco was on about, earlier (that was killing me). Looking forward to your next brilliant chapter.
This chapter's length caught me off guard for a moment; it is very short. But the content speaks volumes, and I'm glad you didn't dilute it's importance by piecing it with the next part of the story.
To begin with some of the lighter commentary, I adore the description of Hermione's hair billowing out like an 'inverted umbrella' (however do you come up with these descriptions). I was a little taken aback with the amount of sheer fury she shows... though I don't think we've ever seen her truly angry. I'm not entirely sure if she would react this way over Lupin killing creature (I personally would have written her more upset as opposed to infuriated), but I think it's a liberty you take as an author, and was written extremely well.Ginny and Harry took their seats, sharing a look of mutual dread and a reassuring squeeze of their clasped hands, which they soon released Cute. A small moment of romance, in an otherwise dark and painful chapter.
Our first image of Lupin is forlorn. *sigh* Lupin is the embodiment of a tragic character in my eyes, and I really like the way you introduced him here. You’re a vile, monstrous-“ Oh that hurt! I think of werewolf Lupin. Hermione can be a bit tactless sometimes... (it is the truth, but she doesn't know it)
Lupin sat down cumbrously. He was physically burdened wit the heaviness of his through. He avoided Hermione’s eyes when he cleared his throat to speak, opting to gaze out of the black windows as if wishing for escape. Cumbrously -- love it. And the last portion there is one of my favorite lines in the chapter. My heart weeps for Remus, here.
As for the confession itself, it was beautiful. Sirius tore at my insides, too. All so very painful, you really made the reader feel what Remus is going through, the place he was in 'that night'. As for Harry's reaction, I thought it was amazingly IC.
Then you move to the more violent part of the 'confession' and I felt my insides boil with anger. I can't really go on to convey how much this chapter affected me; it was powerfully emotional, to say the least. Great work!
Author's Response: Ach! We're back to the number system. 1) It's not that she loved Kreacher, it's that someone she's trusted to always behave a certain way, acted like a common angry person. If Lupin can't control himself, how can Hermione? How would that affect our darling control freak? 2) I know. I cringed when I wrote Hermione saying this. She knows it's a sensitive point, but she thinks this needs to be said. Oy. I do enjoy torturing the characters, but not Lupin. 3) Now, Remus has been thinking on this for some time. He's probably been talked to by numerous people. This has been on his heart, and I think Hermione was in his first thoughts afterwards.4) Thank you! I struggled momentarily with Harry. He would be having some very mixed emotions. My main concern here was to make a believable death. I'm waiting for a question....no one's asked yet. I'll wait for it. 6)I actually cried while writing this part, because I got so involved in Remus' character. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter! Thank you for reviewing!
No time for intelligent thoughts or any form of coherence:
OMG! LEX! brilliant mastermind of all fanfiction creation... I bow down to you. I didn't even see any of that HBP stuff coming... but wow. It is just.... wow. Yeah, I wish I could leave something better than this garble, but goodness gracious!
Getting the critique out of the way: when McGonagall begins class, she begins two sentences in a row with the word 'Now'. That was a tad awkward. And you spelled 'lose' 'loose' at the end of the second segment.
I like the way you had Harry tell Ginny how he feels, specifically because of what it did with Ginny's character. She was a powerful, dominant female. She held the control, she pushed Harry into breaking, and it didn't matter how tall he was (teehee). Ron and Hermione's 'emotional intimacy' is also lovely. Your trio understands each other very well; they are very comfortable with one another, but not mind readers. I love your writing style; you use a wide array of words, but it's never too verbose. Hermione as a translator? I believe you already know my opinion on that, but in case you've forgotten: *cheers obnoxiously*. I really enjoyed the opening dialogue with Ron and Harry. You've matured Ron very believably, keeping him in character but showing true development at the same time. I adore the dynamic between them, and the *schoolgirl* like gossip. The pushing, the joking, the consideration Harry gives Ron in the discussion as far as the Malfoys and Percy are concerned, etc; I also liked Harry's thoughts on how Ron said humorous things *intentionally*.
Some lines I liked especially, because they were perfectly clever and humorous:"Looked like she had a . . . er . . . like she was stiff.” - "Hem, Hem." Professor Flitwick gave an Umbridge-like cough. He was a cheeky one. - When they would get bored, they'd charms wads of paper to hurl themselves at the other party, and then pretend they had no idea who did it. - "I whistle?"..."Only all the time," said Ron...."Oh? I guess so, then." -
Two final notes: I enjoy how often you use lessons and schoolwork in your story. Not a lot of authors use classtime a lot, and if they do it's not done as believably or creatively. And I love the constant subtley of the plot. It's there, and it's important, but it's weaved through every chapter very well. Some things are very clear and purposeful, while other bits are more cleverly incorporated so that we can smack ourselves later for not figuring it out sooner. Okay, all done - great job, Lex. *pokes for 32*
Author's Response: Awww! My staunchest supporter speaks! Thank you. I'm glad you appreciate all the thought I put into each chapter. I've fixed the errors you've pointed out. And also, I'm glad I've made Ginny a strong character. :)
Okay, so far I'm thoroughly enjoying it. It's funny, and you're touching on a lot of subjects I kind of skitted around, hoping people wouldn't mind and then ended up wishing I'd written about. (ie.. Ron's brain incident...) It's well-written, and it's funny. (Things get pretty rough in my bed - lmao!). On to the next chapter.
AH! Why isn't Harry curious! It bothers me. It is exactly what bothers me about him in the books! Good Job! Onto chapter 6. Oh, btw: "He looked at his family- his real family-" LOVED that line. You're a good writer, so I'll say it again. I can actually read this story and not think 'it's just fan fic', because it's written to professional standers. ;)
Author's Response: Thank you. I think I have a long way to go before it's 'professional,' which is why I'm going to have some people look at the story. I'd like to improve. Your reviews, of course, mean a lot to me. I like to hear that it is readable, and 'FANFIC' doesn't blare into people's minds when they get involved in my story. Hopefully you'll become as thoroughly buried in it as you press on.
Enjoyable again! Dobby is hilarious, underpants, I ask you! I do feel bad for Ginny, and I wish Ron and Harry would have a chat about Hermione already. Wait, no - I wish Hermione was here already. I miss her! My only problem was the use of the word 'butt' - i despise Americanisms. Especially in brit stories. "Bum" please. (that request sounds weird, no?) ... onto chapter the next. Really, one more chapter... that's it. And then I have work to do...
Author's Response: Ahh...I was staring at that word yesterday, trying to find an adequate replacement. Gosh, thank you for that. BTW, I'm still biting my nails, trying to find a future use for those underpants.
I love what you're doing with Ron's character. Giving him credit for what he really is and showing him grow up. Bravo. I loved the birthday presents, and I find myself anticipating more.
That chapter was brilliant. Very creative and very believable take on the brains. I hope you're not foreshadowing anything with Ron hurting them. I was really caught up in this chapter. Very good.
Great Chapter again ;) I love Ginny! I love Ron, I love Mrs. Weasley, I love everything.
Author's Response: *lol* Careful. I might get a big head.
*grumbles something about computers* I loved your characterization of Molly Weasley in this chapter. It was canon perfect - her mollycoddling of Harry, her protectiveness over the 'children', her hissed warning to the Order guards, and her assertiveness in the store (Harry wasn't the only one 'impressed' - that was fantastic!).
Shopping is painless, really Foreshadow-y dark humor. Nice ;)
“So . . . erm . . . I know the prophecy . . . You! Anyway - this was inevitable, of course, it being a sixth year fic. Harry's revelation of the prophecy to those closest to him is a necessary issue to be dealt with. I liked your approach to it (much better than my own, written in my less experienced days...), and I'm *cough* greatly anticipating what's to come.
I didn't see anything to pick at in this chapter. You know I loved it honeybunches :)
Honestly, I was thinking 'psh, no twist devised by anyone other than the brilliant Jo can surprise me!" - but I was not expecting that! hehe. Nice job, it's quite good.
Why Hermione Is Different Than All The Other Girls by GwendolynJames
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 72]
Summary: If Hermione hadn't met the boys on the train that first day, things would most certainly be different. Featuring Metro!Ron, Loser!Harry, Stalker!Hermione, and Smoker!Ginny.
That was great! I loved it! I love the fact that it was an 'alternate universe' and in the end, Ron and Hermione still loved eachother, and therefore probably became part of the "Trio" with Harry. It was also really funny; I am currently embarking on a mission to read all your stories.
I liked your explanation of what happened... it was quite original, pensieve and all. The only bit I'm slightly uneasy with was the fact that Hermione, editor-in-chief, didn't see the paper before it went out. The Sunday paper, nonetheless. Having Pansy change it sneakily after it had been edited and before it went to press would have made more sense [sorry - I once considered being a journalist and I do know a lot about everything journalism...]
Other than that, it was great!
Author's Response: thanks. wow you do noe lots about journalism. i have no clue so sorry about my faux pas. anywhoo thanks for your review.
I want to know wtf is going on! That was a brilliant twist, especially if there's something more to it than it seems, which I'm assuming there is... I really liked the bit where Seamus says that people at Hogwarts said that R & Hr were going to be together for ever - the line was delivered well into the conversation, very poignant.
Author's Response: thank you. i hope you keep enjoying the rest of the chappies
this is a great story - everyone is perfectly in character (even Luna) You have my blood boiling with Hermione and Seamus - It's brill, can't wait to read the whole thing.
One prob, however - if it's three years after hogwarts, how can Ernie already have a young child... surely it would have to be a few months past two at the most. [from an authour whose made mistakes like this as well]
Author's Response: oh yeah haha. oops! you're the only one who noticed that in all the sites i've posted fanfiction on! bravo! lol...i didn't even notice! for the first 10 secs after reading your review i was like...huh? but i see! soorry! but i'm glad you enjoyed the story!
I'm not going to breathe until you post the next chapter. Starting now.
Author's Response: aah...that's a scary threat. i hope i'm not linked to your death! lol =D
Drunk Ron was excellent - 'your eyes are pretty..." ha! The Destiny Chamber with the Soul Mate vials? BRILLIANT! The daily prophet story was bit difficult to read :( And I think that the idea of all those people he knew having their vials right in front of him was a bit 'easy'... I'm mad at Ron for being stupid... it seemed he had such an easy answer.
Author's Response: hmm yeahh good points. i liked the vials too =)
good chapter, I feel like I've been waiting forever, hehe. The necklace sounded really beautiful, you're quite creative
Author's Response: thanks i try but sometimes i feel so un-imaginative lol!