*wow - worships Maeve* Finally, buckled down and got to it, didn't I? Needless to say, so far this is brilliant. I would definitely say that description is your strong point. I loved that Dumbledore was IC (with DD it's either you can write him, or you can't - and you can). I wasn't sure about Snape - but then again there is so much we don't know about him (and from what I've heard, much to be learned in this story). But his behavior while in Maeve's room was very IC, too. I like this opening chapter because it linked to the end of OotP, and also raised many new question that I'm already seeking answers to in my mind. Already, with only one chapter, you seem to have created side-story that is perfectly interwoven with the main story of Harry. My only crit is that sometimes you have *too* much description. I like description, but I also don't like to read/write it too elaborately. I like to give the reader room to imagine. That's merely a personal preference though, so feel free to ignore. My attention easily wanes, I am ashamed. But all in all, amazing job, will come back for more quite soon. *Looks forward to getting hooked*
I finally got to chapter 2! Woot! Slowly, but surely I shall complete this story :)
Your imagery is very strong; I especially liked the use of the adjective phrase 'cloak & dagger', it was brilliant. Everything is so wonderfully described, I can see it all playing in my mind.
I feel like I'm getting to know Maeve as a character bit-by-bit. I like the more gradual introduction. Some writers try to explain their characters in the first chapter (fan fic and otherwise), and I find it rather annoying. I'd rather grow to love a character than have a general idea of their personality from the get-go.
I'm having a bit of trouble with Snape, mainly because I think our perception of his good qualities differs, but I did find his characterization stronger in this chapter than in the first. Especially with the dialogue concerning Harry, James & Remus. I also like the small narration of his childhood. One thing that is irking me is that you switch between 'Severus' and 'Snape' constantly in your narration, and there doesn't seem to be any reason for it. I just have a peeve for inconsistency. (Which is a crime I know I have commited in the past, but I do like to avoid it at all costs if I can)
Your Dumbledore is the best I've seen in fan-fic. He is completely pure in what is the essence of his canon character. 'Time sometimes has a way of erasing feelings and memories if we don’t take care of them...I thought that, perhaps...'- this line just knocked me off my feet. Wonderful; it is something I can imagine myself quoting from now until years to come. It is the kind of line that goes down in history, and resounds through the ages.
Overall, I of course love your writing, and this story is already proving to be intriguing and I can't wait to continue. :)
Author's Response: Stick with Snape…. ask MJ about his development! And I know…I am a bad, bad author and the name switch is one of the things that will be cleaned up when I get to re-edit these earlier chapters. There are some other things to come out and some to go in. But if I held of finishing to do that then MJ would kill me! Wow! Great complement of the Dumbledore characterisation. I just think of him as a cross between a comedian and a philosopher with a dash of deep-seated understanding for humanity thrown into the mix. Oh, and he’s a powerful wizard too, of course! Glad you like it, Jenna… given your very high standards it’s a great compliment.
Oooh, it really does get better and better! Those 8,000 words just flew past ;)
She had told him he should swallow his pride were Professor Snape was concerned' 'were' should be 'where', I believe.As far as Harry was concerned Firenze’s lessons where much more convincing than Professor Trelawney’s had been. And, funnily enough, this 'where' should be 'were' ;) hot buttered crumpets,” he said to the fat lady, 'fat lady' should be capitalised. Something that's not really nitpick, more me being silly, when Ron mentioned 'Moody' doing the ferret bit, I wanted to remind everyone that it had been Crouch, Jr. who'd done that one. :x
My mind is reeling over all the characterisation - because this is the first chapter of yours I've read since HBP. I do feel that your characterisation is all very consistent, and true to canon, though a lot of it is more similar to what I see in other sixth year stories and less like what we saw in HBP. I think it's Hermione in particular who seems to have been written 'easily'. Oi, that sounds so harsh - it isn't meant that way. It seemed for a moment that Harry had also stayed in his OotP mold, but I was pleased (and pleasantly unsurprised) when he 'swallowed his pride' where Maeve was concerned. I think Harry is true to his developing character (as is Ron), while Hermione... isn't so much (yet. This is just based on this chapter, mind you.) It makes her feel like just a side character, though she is still true to her established character, I'd rather have seen a certain amount of change stirring within her. What I've said of Hermione is also true to Draco, he seems to still be the same old 'bark without the bite' this year, and is still mind-numbingly irritating. Again, true to canon character, but I'd like to have seen you take a chance on evolving his character. These characters are young, and are living in a time of great changes, and it's just something that feels necessary, especially at this point of the story. It feels like it should be visible now, rather than something that will be happening sometime in the process of this story.[Again, pay me little mind, it's just something that stuck out a bit to me as I read, and probably only so because of my having read HBP].
On the topic of characterisation, there is also McGonagall, Snape and - of course - Maeve. I thought McGonagall was perfect; I love that you gave an uncommon insight into her. It seems nobody puts an awful lot of thought into her character, and just use her as a necessary tool in the development and movement of a storyline, but I liked that you gave us a little moment with her thoughts. Snape's role here was small, but it was highly enjoyable (and, despite what we may or may not have learned about him in HBP, I still feel connect to your Severus and Maeve's insistince that he is a good man.) Maeve: what can I possibly say about her, other than 'I love her. Fantastic - she's a bit cheeky, I think ;) The fact that she hexed Draco into the kitchen rubbish bins was simply wonderful. She established her authority, though in a rather unconventional (and probably inappropriate) manner. I also thoroughly enjoyed who she dealt with Snape - why did I know she wouldn't allow him to let her look bad? No, she held her own in front of him - reinforcing to Draco, et al, that she is not someone to be reckoned with. “Are you calling your student an abomination, Professor? I hardly think that’s fair, do you?” she replied evenly. LOL, she is, in a word, fabulous.
And, somewhat related to characterisation, I feel, is point of view. You're not focusing on a single character, and are allowing a touch of insight into all the character's minds. I must admit, I was a touch surprised when the story deviated so far from Maeve's narration, but it felt like I was being given a treat. I enjoyed it, and am amazed at how superbly you pulled off the multiple-PoV. I can honestly say I have never seen it done so well. Usually, if not limited to one character or switching distinctly between different characters, I feel this kind of PoV is awkward and uncomfortable. But this is smooth and delightful.
Now onto what I really want to talk about. This 'light' fellow. My thoughts are running around in circles (I think they are dizzying Siobhan, poor girl). First, Maeve bright glint in the corner of her classroom, then Harry is greeted by a luminous being, and then - at the end - the fire flickers and the two are bathed in light? I've decided whatever Lumos is (as I should call him for the time being), he's friendly. 'it felt like the sun had bowed down to kiss her face' for one (a beautiful personification of light and sun, might I add.), is the first of many positive connotations in this chapter surrounding the mysterious Lumos, sun, and light. He didn't seem at all threathening in Harry's 'dream' either, and the fact that the room is filled with a 'rich, sweet' laugh when Harry and Maeve are bathed in light also comforts me. Though, I'm still not entirely sure what I'm talking about. (Though, the fact that Harry associated the luminous being with Maeve, and the fact that this story is title 'Daughter of Light', causes my mind to run even faster and run into walls.) All in all, this is done superbly. The 'light' is subtle, but shines just brightly enough that the reader should be able to take delight (no pun intended) in picking up the hints.
Another example of something developing right under our noses - “Then you also know she has a formidable reputation in the Potions field.”. When I read that line, I almost died in literary enjoyment. How well you weaved this into the chapter, reminding the readers of Harry's 'Potions problem', and following it with the solution which I should already have guessed, but did not. But that line was nothing less than perfection. I can't really explain why, but that is often the case with the best work, you simply know it's wonderful and words fail to reason why.
Her severe look made him feel very abashed. The anger that he had been feeling was being replaced with a grim determination to do whatever was necessary to fight the threat they faced. He knew now that this involved being a little less judgemental and a little more accepting of people that were trying to be truthful with him. This was the point when I realised that you were, in fact, writing a developing Harry, and I just loved how IC this was - for HBP Harry. Which is just exceptional, because you have predicted what his character would become. It shows a great depth of understanding, which would be nothing if you couldn't write it well instead. Bravo.
Okay, that's all for this chapter. I'm so glad to know there is a bounty awaiting me... :D
Wow, nice. The story seems to be picking up a lot of speed. I'm dying with curiosity about Maeve's past and her strange connection with Harry. And it's all here for me to read at my leisure, yay!
After they had stopped at Gringotts, where Remus had remained outside mumbling something about having enough money on him... Poor Remus :( I'm getting all sorts of pangs of sympathy for his character in this story. I still adore your characterization of him. I like getting to see a slightly more vulnerable side that isn't revealed so much in Harry's PoV. I'm not a Remus/Tonks fan, at all. I just don't see it, but it looks like you're going in that direction. Eh, I can live with it.
Speaking of a different view of characters, I like the way we are seeing Harry. It's the same Harry we all know and love, but he seems younger; there's a lack of maturity that's more evident from an adult PoV. Not a negative immaturity, but I can really see his confusion and helplessness, here. You've shown us different sides of our favorite characters, and are still keeping them brilliantly IC. Great job.
I loved The Inimitable Imperius Indicator; how clever and creative! I do have to wonder if we'll be seeing it again later... I also particularly enjoyed the zinger Maeve so excellently delivered to Narcissa: “Far better,” she said icily, “to be a Half-blood than a strange, interbred fool like yourself. . That line sealed the deal on my love for this character.
I'm SO glad that Harry gets to know the truth... here I was thinking that it wouldn't be happening until the very end, or at least halfway through. I really liked that plot move.
Another lovely chapter, thanks for the consistently enjoyable and well-written reads!
Author's Response: You're welcome! And thank you for the consistently thorough and enjoyable reviews! :-) I don't know where the Imperius indicator came from, i thought about it ne night as I was going to sleep and when i woke up I knew I'd had a good idea but couldn't remember it...I had to coax the idea back from my befuddled brain! Maeve is a nice person, fundementally. She is used to nastiness from her father but not used to it from strangers and not used to it being directed towards her friends so she reacted in an instinctive manner. I think in that moment we got to see the real Maeve, the one buried underneath all those years of self imposed sappiness. And I do see her as being something of a sap all that time she was kept at Abbeylara. She didn't have the necessary will to break free and she had to be taken from her bad situation. Hopefully, throughout the story, her confidence will build to what it was before the confinement. And poor Remus indeed. In this instance it's a bit like Harry/Ron on the money front. I love Remus, he's a darling... but like Maeve, he has the tendency to accept imposed personal things too easily and not challenge them and yet in other areas he is brave and wise. I think Remus has quite a journey to make too. :-)
This was a great chapter! The review won't be as long as usual, because I'm absolutely shattered, but I'll do the chapter the justice it deserves.
I thouroughly enjoyed Trelawney's entrance (though I'm a bit tetchy on how likely it would be for her to make another two propecys in such quick succession when there were 14 years between her first two - but I suppose destiny to certain people at certain times for certain reasons, yes?). I laughed at Maeve's driving skills and Lupin's unease during the ride. Hehe. Nice.
I noticed Maeve's preference for turf - it made me smile, because I was reminded of the author *wink*
The scene with Severus and Werewolf!Lupin was amazing. I've never seen anything like that before, myself, and I thought it was brill.
I really like the interaction between the *Lupin Siblings* - it's nice. I almost want to be a Maeve/Remus shipper... but I suppose I'll tell myself not to. I loved the 'cloud that passed across his face' and 'The impending full moon was a constant shadow over their time together ' - not alone, but they are two lines that really stood out to me in particular as being beautifully worded, and I had to point them out and applaud you.
I'm looking forward to learning more about the prophecy, Dumbledore's relationship with Maeve, Harry's entrance and this werewolf cure and what will come of it.
Author's Response: Hee hee...the drive was one of my favourite bits to write. That scene could almost be a self insert with me as Maeve and Remus as my husband. his expression after being driven any distance is pretty similar to Remus' LOL As for Trelawney, that scene is something I want to look again at when I edit the fic. It's one of the things that has stuck out for me as not being quite as I wanted it to be. And the scene with Snape/Maeve/remus/werewolf was great to write so I'm glad you liked it.
Awww. I loved that. I love Harry. *sigh*
Actually, Harry's first entrance was very painful... very IC, of course. But it hurt. It's been a long time since I've read the opening chapters of a story that takes place at the beginning of his sixth year, and yet you've made it just as painful.
I enjoyed Roderick. That's all I'll say about that ;)
This chapter felt so familiar, in a nice way. With the the emergence of so many more usual characters, as well as the setting of Grimmauld Place.
My favorite bit of humor in this would have to be Ron's telling of the Cannon's victory, including his comment on their motto, hehe. (Though the CC's winning the Cup, I don't think so, Maeve *wink*).
Well, deary. I'd love to leave much more, but I really am very tired. I'm loving it. I can't wait to read more when I'm actually awake! Great Job.
Author's Response: I enjoyed Roderick too! I like to think of Quidditch as being slightly more unpredictable than football...but even so there are still major upsets in the football world so why not Quidditch! Got to give Ron something to cheer about! LOL Glad you're enjoying it, Jenna...it's great reading your reviews.
Wow, poor Maeve. She's trying to be friends with everyone, and it's proving to be quite difficult, isn't it? Bless her soul.
This just gets better and better. Harry's implied reaction to her relationship with Snape is perfectly IC. I'm becoming a Remus/Maeve fan... I don' t believe I should be, but there you have it :x. I'm really starting to wonder if you actually know Jo's characters, because you've given them so much depth, and they are so very canon. I commend you.
I love your dialouge, and the entire tone and style of your writing. It seems like a true fantasy book.
Some notes on Percy: I find him working for DD odd, while he still resents his parents. Didn't he leave because he thought they were on the wrong side? Yet, now Dumbledore has been proven right and he's working for him... I've decided he just has too much pride to admit they were right, but enough ambition to take a position under Dumbledore, who must be high on the wizarding food chain now that Fudge has been booted. And I do think that DD hiring him makes a *lot* of sense, because it is exactly the kind of thing dear old Albus would do. Snape, Trelawney, Lupin, Dobby - always giving people second chances and jobs where others would turn them away. The depth of IC'ness is amazing, whether intentional or just natural on your part.
The introduction of Hermione was fun, and the scene of the trio at the table, hehe. I just love seeing them through a teacher's eyes. I've never read Trio-era fiction from this perspective before, and I'm surprised at how much I'm enjoying it.
There are so many questions I want to ask. I can feel the mystery wrapping itself around me; so much fun! This will definitely help hold me over until July 16th.
Author's Response: There is nothing better than coming back from holiday and finding big Jenna and Caren reviews!! LOL The comments about Percy are perfectly valid and there is no immediate answer to why he is at Hogwarts but your rationalisation about Dumbledore and his second chances are spot on. Percy is also a wonderful comedic foil for the other characters and also carries a great deal of personal sadness with him. In many ways he could be as compex as Snape given the right treatment. I'm glad you like the different perspective. I always wanted to write fiction from the teachers POV because I think it has the potential to be very interesting. They know a great deal but even the teachers do not know everything, nor are they all powerful. In many ways Maeve is just as helpless as Harry was at the beginning of PS. It is only throught the journey they take that they become more enlightened. As for 'knowing' the characters, yes, I think I do 'know' them in my own way. I think you have to know your characters, even boprrowed ones, very intimately in your own mind to write convincingly about them. The only character I have difficulty with is Harry... he's tricky to really get down well.
I feel that we're taking a big step away from exposition now, and really getting into the telling of the story. I found the writing style of this chapter particularly entertaining, and it moved even faster than the previous one, but in a good way. I thought for a moment, Lumos (yes, I'm sticking with that title) might reveal itself and its intentions, but I suppose I'll have to wait a bit, eh? I still think its friendly, but I've had a nagging feeling since last chapter that we should be a bit worried, and Dumbledore isn't helping matters much by being so precautions. *is conflicted* The description of its laughter of 'honeyed' I particularly admire, because it really symbolises what I feel towards it. Honey is sweet, and can be pleasant... but, I don't think it is restricted to having a positive connotation. (Reminds me a touch of Umbridge).
let me just note, your chapter transitions are very smooth. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but just glancing at the opening of this one, and how it led from the end of the previous, I think they are very well done. It is a strength that I envy you.
...or my imagination but now it seems maybe I did actually seen something should be 'I did actually see'. I want you to avoid being alone. Certainly do not leave the castle alone unless it’s unavoidable. I thought this was redundant. Not just the word use, but the fact that he says that they are to 'avoid' being alone.... unless it's 'unavoidable'. The repetition of 'avoid' makes his latter instruction seem far too obvious.
The Ministry was being cautiously optimistic in tone, issuing pamphlets entitled “What every Witch and Wizard should know to protect themselves” and “How to distract Dementors”. That was wonderful :) I thought of HBP and smiled. Unlike Amelia's appointment as Minister (I went with her, also), which made me a little sad. Thought I applaud the inclusion of the opposition to a woman leading the fight against Voldemort, I thought that was a great addition, that most would have simply bypassed. I think it seems a very accurate portrayal of wizarding society, and it has some interesting reflections on our own society, and I find myself pondering how people would feel if a woman were left in charge of a leading nation in times of war.
And again, this chapter was highly amusing: He had even been given a detention for placing a particularly good Jelly Legs Jinx on Goyle, much to the amusement of the other Gryffindors. and Harry was half running and half attempting to wave his wand over himself, which resulted in his swimming shorts turning into bright purple bloomers. Had me laughing aloud, these lines did :) Oh, and I love well done wizardism, too: Too many wizards spoil the potion and all that, so off you go
I suspected from the get-go that Niall wasn't to be trusted. And I was telling myself that if he knew Selene was Maeve, it would be a bad thing, and that she shouldn't sign the house over to him... I really don't know why - perhaps Severus is whispering in my ear - perhaps I deem her father untrustworthy? I don't know, I just have a bad feeling - which I think I should attribute to your writing. I think the sense of foreboding was weaved in there somehow - and I picked up the feeling, but am unable to pinpoint how you may have conveyed that to the reader. Expertly done!
I enjoyed Grawp and Hermione, I thought the Kelpie lesson was excellent - there isn't really much to say about this chapter that isn't in the form of one glowing adjective or another. Very enjoyable indeed :D
Oooh, nice! I'm definitely beginning to understand all the hype - each chapter is pulling me further into this story (and I'm only three chapters in!) There is just something about the plot and tone that enchants and intrigues.
You definitely have a gift for description - you describe your settings and your characters brilliantly, and create very strong imagery. It helps set the tone and paint the picture for your reader - I don't think I've seen a fan fiction with such attention to detail, nor have I seen anything described so beautifully. I especially loved the opening chapter and the description of the cliffs, and later I felt as if I was seeing Hogwarts for the first time.
Nitpicks: In the fourth paragraph, you're missing a period between the 'viewing' and 'Fortunately'. In the same paragraph, you've capitalized 'thestral', which should be lowercase as it is not a proper noun. Later, when Maeve surveys the view from her room: the sweet earthy, scent of the trees - the comma needs to be placed before earthy, not after.
Your characterization of Dumbledore is uncanny, his words just flow wonderfully. You've managed not only to show more of Snape's familiar traits and attitudes in this chapter, but you've also dived further into the parts of him which with we are not yet acquainted. We get hints of his background, yet he remains mysterious - all the while, everything fits nicely canon. ('Fools who were there hearts on their sleeves' much?). I must confess I found Snape perfect in this chapter. Also, we have the introduction of Lupin - brief, but well done and nicely IC. I can't wait to see more familiar faces. And while we're discussing characters - I think I completely forgot that Maeve is an OC; she seems to fit in wonderfully with Jo's world. I enjoyed her interaction with Snape (as well as Bran's interaction with Snape...)
... the Irish Lord had sailed his boats out by the light of their burning bodies Powerful line! And I can't help but wonder if this story is a disturbing tale to catch the reader's attention and set the tone, or if there's more to it.
“Rather an occasional optimist than a perennial pessimist, Severus,” - hehe, I loved this line - and so Remus, too! It offers sufficient stimulation Another enjoyable line, equally well suited to it's speaker.
Great job, I will continue :)
What can I say that I have not already said? Excellent description, excellent characterization, lovely tone - which I must note, I find much more fantastical than Jo's work, which I love. Something I found particularly strong in this chapter was the character interaction. Maeve & Remus, DD & McG, and Maeve & Snape. All nicely done, very IC, and just... brilliant. I especially loved the contrast between Maeve's interaction with Remus as opposed to Snape, and it goes well with how you've contrasted Remus and Snape's characters.
Remus was an altogether easier person to talk to. Surprise, surprise. Hehe. although I rather think he does it to please Dumbledore than for any benefit it gives to me.” No kidding. Perfectly Remus, though, to be so tactful. Sherbet lemons, I know there are some in here; I just can’t locate them.” *chuckle*. Good humor. Humor is always nice to have.
Instead of the hatred being spread evenly around it was now directed at one man. An interesting observation; it could very well be something we see in HBP, too.
I could have killed him because Sirius decided to be stupid. - I don't feel that this is the way Remus would have put it, factoring in Sirius' passing and all. I think he might have used a more delicate word choice. 'Made a foolish decision', perhaps? Just something less...harsh.
“I have to register my strongest disapproval at this whole plan. : awesome IC dialogue for McG.“It nearly killed me and it could have killed others Oooh. I love it and I hate it - referring to Remus as 'it'. Very well done.
Mrs. Norris not herself? Hmmm.
Another excellent chapter, and things are moving more quickly. Again: great job!
Harry on the other hand was very happy Excellent. So few people ever allow this to happen for a single moment in a sixth year story. It’s horrible, really. This single sentence has a great effect, simply because you recognise that it is entirely possible for Harry to be happy, if only a ‘mere’ five months after Sirius has passed on. *scoffs* Wonderful. I am pleased to see a Happy!Harry. Severus Snape was also deeply unhappy, although for most people it was hard to tell that he was any more unhappy than usual. Though there were many lines that made me chortle, I shall only pick one this time. So, yes… *chortle* You have a lovely subtle comical style. It amuses me to no end.
The costumes – wonderful. My own fancy-dress Halloween at Hogwarts pales in comparison to this. Very creative, very entertaining. From Harry persuading a suit of armour o be ‘borrowed’ to Dumbledore as Merlin (though nobody could tell the difference) it was enjoyable through and through. Not that you missed to opportunity to remind us of serious matters: Ron’s way of avoiding the need to purchase a new costume for instance. My overall favourite had to be Professor Snape going as… well – Professor Snape. Hehe. I did miss Hermione, though. And The Dark Deeds? Wonderful – in my hour of need for a wizarding musical group to perform on Halloween, all I came up with was The Druids. And for St. Patricks Day, the record of choice in the Gryffindor common room? The Ulster Warlocks. *is shamed by Jan’s subtle brilliance*
“Sometimes things are not what they seem,” I have suspected from the very beginning that Niall O’Malley was not Maeve’s father – and yet, this ‘cryptic’ line went above even my head. I of course assumed that Severus referred to Maeve’s belief that Niall would do nothing to cause her harm – it did not occur to me for a moment he might have been referring to the fact that Niall might not be her father. The foreshadowing here is done excellently – you have laid words down for your readers that, upon a second glance or a rethinking, they will find themselves cursing themselves for not having noticed it sooner.
…he wanted everything to be as it had been before, before what? This brought on an excellent line of thought for Severus. It is a difficult thing to ponder, when we wish to go back ‘before’. There is often the question of when would be a good time to return to. Because the plot that our lives weave his far more intricate and difficult to dissect than we’d like. But, in the end it does not matter because we must ‘deal with what was and what would be’. The amount of space you conveyed this in is awe-inspiring. Your thoughts are so concise, and though your chapters are so lengthy, it is clear that it is not a result of any inability to say what you mean in only necessary words. The length of your chapters is proving to be more of a blessing than before, because 3,000 words would simply not be enough from you. You don’t jump from plot point to plot point. You give your readers moments of light amusement, time to breath, time for subtle development. You allow characters to adjust to their changing setting. But you do it in a way that never ceases to entertain.
You’ll have to forgive me, as I have read further than this chapter, but I must say that what I feel when reading your story is quite extraordinary from other fan-fics. Harry or no Harry, this doesn’t feel like fan-fiction. It feels real. There is an essence of JK Rowling somewhere within your writing, but it is only subtle. It is the existence of her characters and her world. Your ability to write new ideas that I might have to check the Lexicon to be sure that they weren’t canon. But, there is something much more present, and that is your own style. Your own characters. Your own plot – and even parts of your own world. I doubt Jo would ever include an mythical God in her story, for the sole purpose of not touching religion within the books. Lugh Lamfada and his fellow Gods make this story yours, not Jo’s. And it changes the boundaries of Harry’s world, exciting the reader’s to learn more with each chapter.
While expected a revelation that Maeve’s father was not who she thought him to be, not for one moment did I think that Lily or Alice were her ‘sisters of light’. That was quite a twist! But not one that came from nowhere. Not one that wasn’t believable. It was unexpected, but much more than a cheap thrill. And how it warms my heart to see this connection between Harry and Maeve, and Neville, too. Oh, extra points for giving Neville a spotlight. No pun intended ;)
It scares me to think we won’t see Lugh again. Something in me hopes, and feels, that he’ll make another appearance. A bigger part of me tells me I know a number of people who have read and completed this story and I could beg them to tell me. But. I won’t. I shall wait. ;)
Biggest criticism? Sometimes Lugh refers to Maeve as ‘child’ and sometimes as ‘Child’. I prefer the latter one myself, but I’d like to see either chosen for consistency.
Dumbledore knew that the immortals Lugh shared his existence with would take a very dim view of one of their kind interfering with events in the mortal world and he wondered what censure he would face. As does Jenna. Jenna wonders very worriedly. And Jenna wishes more than ever that Lugh shall come back and pay is a visit, or that we can at least learn what has become of him. It also appears that deep emotional stress causes Jenna to speak in third-person. How sad.
She couldn’t contact him or even see him in his human form but she could always feel his kiss when the sun rose. Beautiful. There is not another word for it.
Ah. Maeve’s decision to cast of her disguise. Amazing, though, on paper and in the minds of many rule-abiding writers, her confident ability to defy Dumbledore’s advice, to make him realise she was set resolute and not to be dissuaded – might make her seem… dare I say it - “Mary Sue” But she is not. She is Maeve O’Malley. She is strong, and she has her father’s Godly advice, anyway. What is Dumbledore but human? And there is the point. You have not emphasised a perfection. You have shown a trait that can be as much of a flaw as a weakness, and you have highlighted that Dumbledore is human, not godly as we sometimes view him. I have never seen him better betrayed as mortal than in this situation. Because you showed a moment where he could not use his own strengths. And yet, he remains perfectly IC. And in the meantime, Maeve is as amusing as ever!
Potions class. Malfoy’s taunts. Harry and Severus fleeing to Dumbledore, and all the madness that ensues. It is done superbly. With each passing moment we do not know how serious this matter is, how serious it shall become. It rings true to real life. Even when the first plane hit the tower. Even when Katrina set course for the Gulf Coast. Nobody realises. Not until it is done, and all we can do is recover and prevent these horrid things from happening again. Not until then do we realise just what has happened. And even in those final moments, we are still trying to comprehend the events that surround us. This chapter’s sense of realism is astounding. “And so it begins, Minerva. The division that could cause our downfall.
As for Severus and Harry’s momentary bond. That was done superbly. They still have an understanding of mutual animosity, that was not changed. But for a time, they each reluctantly accepted one another. Excellent.
Hermione was making it sound like there was something more insidious going on. And why do I feel like she’s right? Other than the fact that it’s usually a safe bet that is? Perhaps because of the implications, tone, descriptions and the building tension that is the work of Jan. Hm. Yes, I think so. ;) And.. the “little” things. The book that rustles to the page Harry desires to read. The ‘Fork-Tongued-Charm. Lovely.
That was really good - I liked the writing style. As for the story - it gives me this ache inside, I wish Harry's life was like that... Sirius ::sheds tear::
posting for my own freakin' chapter, because it won't show up. For some stupid reason...
That was great. I hope Chris falls of off something, or maybe Crookshanks will kill him [I love Crookshanks in your story by the way] Anyway. Yeah - I could feel the tension, good job. Please don't kill me with the waiting, again, hehe...
OMG! you had me screaming and cursing at the computer - the two people in the room with me thought I'd gone mad. I've referred people to your story. You're going to drag this out aren't you - damn you. Hehe - anyway, keep up the good work, I'll now return to checking twice a day, every day to see that you've put up the next chapter...
::SCEAMS:: omg! i'm hooked. go write more now, I command you ::points wand:: 'Imperius!'... why did Ron leave her in the first place? I MUST know. why are you still reading this? - go WRITE!
brilliant chapter - I'm glad Hermione has to contemplate Ron's feelings for her! Revelations galore! yes - I checked routinely for Chapter 5 today [but with no real hope...] and i saw it there i squealed an excited YES! startling my mother and sister - I then launched into the summary of the first four chapters. hehe. Just thought I'd let you know. Anyway, it's getting really good, I'll try to keep my panties on though, while I wait for chapter six ;)
Wow.. that was sooo romantic. I don't even know what else to say.
Wow, that was great. (Terrible...but great). It was really sad.