Just a reader for now...;)
I just read the fic and you're off to a great start...only would you mind using a few less exclamation points? I feel like everybody has a sugar-high lol. Every! One! Talks! Like! THis!... Only a suggestion and great start. update soon.
Author's Response: *LOL* Point taken :) :) Thanks for the constructive suggestion and the cool review... I promise there will be 'less sugar' in the next chapter :) :)
Great start! Only thing I can think of is to try sentence variations and rephrasings and using a thesarus. Keep away from repetion its evil. haha jk. Update quick!
I Havent reviewed this before but it is sincerely awesome. Love the humor. personally i'd rather you skip the full moon stuff and get back to the romance. just my opinion tho ill read it anway and im gonna review every update now ;-) 10+
O dear... I fell in love with your fic patially because I loved the title so much. One of those real eye catchers you know? Anyways I was at school doing something I won't go into detail on and I really wanted that Latin quote you used. I put 'Adastra de Amstra' so now I have no sense letters on my project...WOOHOO WAY TO BE BLONDE!!! btw LOVE the fic 10
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. I like the title too. :)
Good Start. A thing you might want to try is adding more description. Wha was the weather like in the greath hall? Was the common room the same as it had been in JK's books or has it stayed the same since the 70's? What did the interrior of the compartment look like? Descriptions of characters and some direct characterization would really get your story off the slow-plot-setup-horror that all Fics have. Some sentence diversify would be great too, I feel like I'm reading the same sentence construct over and over with different words. Anways I think it has a lot of potental once its standing on its two feet.
p.s. whoever said there not sad enough has my vote
p.s. 2. UPDATE SOON
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the feedback, but adding more description is a little bit hard in this story because it's all in first person, so it's a little bit hard for them (especially with things like the common room, which they've seen practically every day for the past six years) to describe things in great detail. The characters haven't all been described, but I described Juli, and therefore I've basically described Eve (Although you'll get a lot more description about her from James's POV later in the story...). In the next few chapters things are going to start to pick up. In a couple chapters summer will be over and the year will start, and that's when things really get interesting. The sadness thing is probably true, but I'm the sort of person who has to think about something sad (i.e. someone I love dying) for a while before I come to grips with it, not to mention that it is just very hard to convey sadness in a story where you're telling it from Lily's POV. Lily's never met Eve's dad, and Eddie dying will kick in later. I describe this more in the third chapter when I am next in Lily's POV. I suppose I just made Eve, Juli, and Lily like me that in that area. They have to think about it before it really kicks in. I really appreciate the feedback, and I hope you check out the second chapter when it's up (it's was submitted yesterday)!!
I just read Ancient Magic and the beginning of Blood of the Heart (and let me tell you that took awhile-your chapters are so blissfully long) and I've just got to say WOW!!!! Suspense and drama and confused even when I'm understanding and all that great stuff was totally great! You've got JK's hush-hush, bait-and-reel style all figured out and its wonderful and refreshing to read.I'll be reviewing often now ;-) LOVE your work and UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Thank you! It's flattering to know I can fish like JKR! :) The next chapter is in the queue...stay tuned!
oOoOoO The plot thickens...dun dun duuuunnnnnn!!!! What chappie should we expect the big catrina mystery secret to come out? UPDATE SOON 10+
Author's Response: LOL - love the music! Next chapter is in the queue...and that's all I'm saying!
hmm.....just read it. interesting. very original. only thing i didn't like was the journalism class part. i thought that seemed a bit random. otherwise very good. i liked the wedding story 9
Author's Response: It was random... I needed something to fill a gap, and that fitted it best. Lily will tell many more parts of the story, mostly when I have writer's block.