Penname: ronnyc718 [Contact]
Real name: Ronny
Member Since: 06/10/06
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Reviews by ronnyc718
 

I Loved Him First by Valentinia
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 181]

Summary: For Petunia Evans being at Hogwarts is indeed a magical time. Why? Because there, for the first time in her life, she doesn't stand in the shadow of her beautiful sister Lily. That is until she finds herself falling in love with none other than James Potter, Lily's biggest admirer. And this is only the first of the many trials and tribulations Petunia will have to face in a world where peace is a nothing but a memory.

Note: This fic is mostly canon compliant through DH, but has some obvious AU elements, too, though I hope I've explained them all satisfactorily!

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Suicide

Word count: 36485 Chapters: 27 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/12/05 Updated: 04/27/06


Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 07/27/06 Title: Chapter 5: Outbursts By The Seashore

Lupin is one of my favorite characters. You write him really well - of course he would be the one to write Petunia. That also shows that she really is friends with the Marauders.

Lily is almost written like a Mary Sue, but that's what's needed here, so good call. I've never read her written in an unlikable manner - very weird, but again, perfect here, because that is how Petunia would see her. You do a good job of keeping this in Petunia's point of view.

Lily's friends are written well too. The whole trip, they talk about her as though she can't understand them (like she's some kind of exhibit at the zoo).

*looks frantically around for something to change*
Umm... Apparate is usually capitalized.

Author's Response: I\'m glad you think it\'s okay that Lily seems so shallow. While writing it, I kept thinking that Lily couldn\'t have been like that; but that\'s how Petunia must I seen her. I really appreciate you pointing out the little things. I\'ll go capitalize Apparate now. :)

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 07/27/06 Title: Chapter 6: First Kiss

Yay! Gosh, this is such a strange ship, but you make it work so well. Yay for fluffy, happy chapters!

Author's Response: Thanks! Glad you appreciate the fluff... :) There\'s more coming in the next chapter...

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 07/24/06 Title: Chapter 2: James vs. Snape

Ooo... I like how Petunia keeps justifying everything James does, just because it's James. I wouldn't change anything in this chapter. Great job!!

Author's Response: Thanks!

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 08/05/06 Title: Chapter 9: O.W.L.s

I don't think I would like the nickname "Tunia" either. It makes me think of tuna... ew.

In the letter from her mother, it says "However, that is not why I am writing this letter to tell you..." I think this should be two sentences.

Great job, as usual! You included some great details on the O.W.L.s. Very impressive. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for your continued betaing! Writing the O.W.L.s did take quite a while, so I\'m very glad you liked them! I\'ll fix that sentence!

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 08/05/06 Title: Chapter 10: Peter Pettigrew

"lycanthropy" - nice use of a cool word.

Man, Peter's a little paranoid. That's so how I see him being.

And Sirius' excitement is done well too - and of course, Remus is the one being practical as always. You really do well with these characters. You said somewhere that you were a little worried about that - don't be. :)

Author's Response: Hehe... I love that word too... lycanthropy... anyway... As usual, thanks for the helpful review! I\'m so glad you agree with how I portrayed the characters... I was a bit worried about that! :D

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 08/05/06 Title: Chapter 11: Peter's Secret

Oh no, I don't have a good feeling about James staring at Lily...

This chapter shows a side of Petunia that we see a lot of in the books: she's great at listening on conversations and she's really nosy, but here it's helpful instead of annoying.

Author's Response: *Grins evilly at throwing in nasty hints* Thanks, once again, for the great review! You\'ve been such a huge help so far and I have no doubt my story will be much better by the end! I\'m happy (by the way, does anyone know how else I can put that? Besides glad, pleased, happy, relived, enjoying... :D) you see a bit of the canon Petunia in this fic... I like to think my Petunia is the same person... only different... :)

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 08/05/06 Title: Chapter 12: It's Been Her All Along

Grr... Oh, I'm so mad at Lily!! And James!!

Even though this chapter is really sad, I would say it is one of the best written so far. I love the line where Petunia corrects James about her name.

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 07/31/06 Title: Chapter 7: Young Love

In the 8th paragraph, it says "one" where it should say "once." Then, a few paragraphs down, it says "young overs."

I love when you say that James giggled. It's kind of an un-James thing to do, but at the same time, every boy giggles when they hear words like "mating." Hehe... :) It's great there.

"But you do love me, right?" James finally asked.

"As I said, I guess I do. Yeah. Think so."

"Great!

"You're so uncertain!" Petunia joked.

This section is a little confusing as to who is speaking.

You're so right about the fluff, though. Aww...

Author's Response: Thanks for all the help! I\'m so glad you\'re enjoying the fluff! \'Fraid that\'s the end of the fluf for this story, though... *muhahaha*... I\'ll go fix those things now...

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 07/31/06 Title: Chapter 8: Meeting Luisa

"That's why Petunia sat in the library, her books spread out on the table on a warm Saturday morning. She had the common room almost to herself."

The common room reference doesn't make sense.

When you were describing Luisa, before you mentioned who she was dating, I was already thinking that she reminded me of Luna. Great job with the characterization there.

Author's Response: Whoops... as I said, Petunia used to be a Gryffindor... but I figured Hufflepuff fits better. I\'m so happy you liked Luisa! I happen to love Luna, but can never characterize her. Not that Luisa\'s supposed to be just like her. Oh well, \'nuff rambling. Thanks for pointing out the common room thing!

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 09/15/06 Title: Chapter 18: Thoughts of Revenge

Okay, before I get to this chapter, I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to this. I moved and started college, but I forgot to tell you. :(

Also, referring back to previous reviews, I think having Petunia telling Luisa about Peter fixes the problem nicely. Awesome.

Okay, on to this chapter:

In the 6th paragraph, I think it should be "resentment" instead of "resent."

"Just one more word of advice, dear. I know that you feel very sad and confused, but don't kill yourself over it. Life has to go on, even if you don't want it to. Even magic can't stop time."

I have a feeling that quote has some significance to it. It's just so cryptic. Just thought I'd point that out. ;)

The end of this chapter is one of my favorite parts of the whole story so far. Yeah, that's extravagant, but it's also true. The transition from narration to inside Petunia's thoughts is smooth and clear.

Author's Response: It\'s fine if it takes a while, after all, this is a long fic, and of course you have a life! Thanks for pointing out \"resent,\" too - I\'ve changed it.

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 09/15/06 Title: Chapter 19: Hatching Plans

Have I mentioned how much I love Remus in this story? :)

Author's Response: Hmmm... I\'m not sure... :D I\'m glad you like the way I portray everyone\'s favorite werewolf!

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 09/15/06 Title: Chapter 20: Hidded Pain

Hmm... I don't really have a lot to say about this one.

The last line is great. She doesn't have time to deal with the pain because she's too busy numbing it. She's going to have to deal with that sooner or later, so I can't wait to see that happen.

Yay for Sirius being an accidental therapist!

Author's Response: :) Thanks!! So you think Sirius\' \"therapy session\" isn\'t too fake? I wasn\'t sure, but I think this chapter was necessary for the feelings in it... oh well...

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 08/20/06 Title: Chapter 13: At Luisa's House

Sorry it took me so long this time to get back here. By the way, thanks for reviewing my story!!

This sentence is pretty close to the end: "Luisa was thinner, her skin was a pale, milky color, and she moved gingeryl, as though every move hurt her."

Gingerly needs to be fixed.

Author's Response: It\'s fine if it takes you a while - I realize that this fic is quite long and you have other priorities. Reviewing your story was a pleasure! I really liked it! Anyway, thanks for pointing out \"gingerly\" - I fixed it!

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 08/20/06 Title: Chapter 14: Bad Outlook

"Leaning back in her seat, Petunia allowed herself to think over her first day at Jamie's house for the thousandth time." This is right before the first break, and I think you must mean Luisa's house.

"Of course she had completed her assignments and had not forgotten a anythin, but her professors appearance had greatly surprised her." "anythinG" and "professoR'S"

I like this chapter. You express Petunia's anger and helplessness very well. I don't know if this is something that should even be changed, but I think it's strange that she hasn't thought anymore about Peter being a Death Eater. Does she not yet realize what a big threat Voldemort is?

Just a thought - don't know if it's particularly helpful or not.

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing those things out! Originally (as you might\'ve noticed if you\'ve looked at older reviews) Luisa used to be named \"Jamie.\" But that was just too similar to James and it was confusing, so I changed it. I fixed the \"anything\" and \"professor\'s\" - Can\'t believe I had two careless errors in one sentence! *blushes* I\'m glad you liked this chapter - I like to show the more passionate side of Petunia now and then - after all, she is Harry\'s aunt! About Peter - yes, I figured that Petunia, having grown up with (supposedly) muggles and her only real contact with the magical world being Hogwarts, which Voldemort never dared to attack, she would have been sheltered from the knowledge of his terror - especially since she didn\'t really have any friends during her first four years there, so she would\'ve had no one to talk about it with. And she has \"more important things (she thinks) going on right then - Luisa, James... Besides... I kind of needed her not to tell anyone *is guilty about the glaring lack of logic* I\'ll see what I can do, though. Thanks for pointing it out.

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 08/20/06 Title: Chapter 15: All Alone

That dream is so well-written! Great job with it.

I don't really see Dumbledore being so blunt, but he might be with Petunia: she's the type to deal with stuff that way. I'm really surprised that months have gone by without Petunia telling someone about Peter.

You expressed Petunia's thoughts so well - this is now one of my favorite chapters!!

Author's Response: :D I\'m glad you liked this chapter! I enjoyed the dream, too... Queen Lily... :) Anyway... you\'re so right about Peter! I really need to work on it. Maybe I should just change it so that she tells Luisa about what she saw right before Luisa has her fit? Then Luisa can\'t tell her the significance of it, but Petunia will have told someone about it. It is about strange that she just seems to forget it, isn\'t it!

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 08/20/06 Title: Chapter 16: Really Dead

Okay, the most tragic thing in this chapter was that Petunia's mom was holding a picture of Lily. Great detail!

And James makes total sense in this chapter: he makes a big deal about being there for Petunia now, after ignoring her for months. That really proves he loves her, even if not romantically. Read with sarcasm. I'm so glad Petunia didn't let herself be drawn into his words.

At the beginning of the chapter, Petunia's denial was done in such a believable way - good job!!!

Author's Response: :D :D :D Don\'t know what to say, except thanks for your continued support and for such nice compliments!

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 08/20/06 Title: Chapter 17: A Story of Betrayal

Wow. Just... wow. Definitely never saw that coming.

I would prefer for Dumbledore to know for sure that Petunia's father was under the Imperius Curse, but I don't know if that interferes with the rest of the story. I think that's my attempt to make Petunia's life a little more bearable. :(

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I\'m (guiltily) thrilled that you\'re able to feel for Petunia so much... :) :) :)

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 11/13/06 Title: Chapter 23: The Battle

I love the part where Voldemort is making them doubt each other (which one's the traitor? Him, her, the werewolf? - excellent).

Author's Response: Thanks!!

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 10/01/06 Title: Chapter 21: Sirius's Information

Okay, I like this chapter. I'm curious as to whether Petunia would actually be able to perform the Killing Curse, since it requires such great hatred. Yes, Voldemort killed her parents, but he killed Harry's too, and Harry couldn't perform an Unforgivable in book six. On the other hand, Petunia (in the books) does seem more cold-hearted than Harry. Random thoughts which you can use however you like... :)

The dialogue between Sirius and James is great, and way to work in the Horcrux bit.

I think part of the last chapter is missing. It's like half as long as when I read it before.

Author's Response: Thanks! We\'ll see whether Petunia even gets the chance to try the Killing Curse, eh? ;) I\'m not sure what you mean with part of the last chapter, though.... do you mean the one before this one? Doesn\'t seem shorter... I\'ll go check though! Anyway.... thanks for the feedback!

 
Reviewer: ronnyc718 Signed
Date: 10/01/06 Title: Chapter 22: What We're Up Against

I love that you've incorporated so many things that show a thorough knowledge of the books - like the two-way mirrors. It adds a depth to the story.

Oh Petunia, you recognized all those Death Eaters and still didn't remember that Peter is one of them. It shall be your downfall... probably, anyway.

Author's Response: I\'m glad you don\'t think the stuff from the books is corny! We shall see about that downfall, though... *muahahaha - erm... got a little carried away there...* Thanks for the review!!

 
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