Penname: Sly Severus [Contact]
Real name: Elle
Member Since: 06/04/06
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Hopeful Wishes by by_the_sea
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: "You have no say in what I do, Draco," she stated, a tinge of red appearing on her cheeks.

"Oh, love," he murmured, leaning down so her brown eyes were leveled with his, "I beg to differ."

Categories: Hermione/Draco Genre: Warnings: Strong Profanity

Word count: 862 Chapters: 1 Completed: No
Published:
03/24/13 Updated: 04/01/13


Reviewer: Sly Severus Signed
Date: 06/02/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

When I started reading this, I thought it was a one-shot and I was not at all pleased with the ending. Then I checked and was happy to see that it wasn't completed. I do hope you continue. I'm curious to see who Draco impregnated and how he and Hermione got together.

I like the ideas here, but the this chapter seems so abrupt. We learn nothing about how Draco and Hermione got here. We don't know about the people in their lives, who usually don't approve of this relationship. I find it hard to believe that Lucius' biggest complaint about their relationship is the size of their flat. I now know this is a chartered story so I hope some of these questions will be addressed later on.

So overall, I'm left wanting to know more, which is exactly the response you want from a reader after the first chapter. Good work.

 

It Happened That Night by weasleytwins4ever
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: That night wasn’t what Harry had expected. To find himself at the Three Broomsticks with Draco wasn’t what he had planned, but he went with it anyway, thinking nothing of it. It’s what then happened after they left that changed everything.

Categories: Harry/Draco Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Dubious Consent, Epilogue? What Epilogue?, Slash, Strong Profanity

Word count: 1222 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
06/05/13 Updated: 06/11/13


Reviewer: Sly Severus Signed
Date: 06/03/14 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

This was cute, but I do have a soft spot for Drarry. I liked the minor inclusion of Ron, but it might of been more entertaining if he'd known about Draco.

Harry and Draco getting drunk and having sex is a pretty common way for their relationship to start, but I find it hard to believe either of them could get drunk on butterbeer into their adult years. In the movies, Hermione got tipsy on it, but she was still a minor and hardly drank before. Butterbeer is known as a very low alcohol drink. When I want my character to get drunk, I use Firewhisky.

I also think Harry and Draco's relationship progressed a bit too quickly. They went from I hate you - to - Let's tolerate each other - to let's pretend to be friends - to I love you in less than twenty-four hours. I think they'd both struggle to admit that they have feelings for each other. There'd be a lot of denial before they ultimately decide to face the truth.

Still a cute little story that made me smile.

 

Red is the color of death by Nagini Riddle
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: The halls of Hogwarts are filled with pain, hatred, and death during the final battle.

Written for the 5th Annual Race to Halloween challenge.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mental Disorders, Violence

Word count: 160 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/30/13 Updated: 11/01/13


Reviewer: Sly Severus Signed
Date: 06/02/14 Title: Chapter 1: Red is the color of death

Well, this was certainly cheery. 😝 Okay, I expected it to be dark.

Anyway the imagery in this is amazing. You can almost see the red, slowly overshadowing everything in the castle that used to be pure and innocent.

I loved this and for the most part it seemed to flow nicely. There were just a couple of lines that felt a little off. You start more than one line in a row with and, which ends up sounding like a run-on sentence, even in a poem. And the the last line in the first stanza starts with 'til. No matter how many times I read it, I want to change it to until. It may just be me, but I think that sounds much better.

Overall, a great, dark poem.

Author's Response: Thank you. :) I certainly found it to be cheerful >.< And thank you for the critique! I realize that "And"s can throw off a piece, and perhaps I did throw in too many. Keep reading! ~Nagini

 
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