This was wonderful. I love how you wrote them so connected to each other. The ending, where she wished for him to come back and he said he would, was perfect. It was amazing to watch their love like this.
I have always believed that they married out of obligation, which is common belief, but as you said it’s open for debate. However, I also believe that there is love between them. Not the fairy tale kind of love, but a love that was developed by surviving so many hardships together.
Your characterization of Lucius was excellent. I hate to see him written as through he has no feelings. You handled him wonderfully. I can really see him sitting inside his cell reminiscing about the past and wanting nothing more than to get back to his wife.
I also adored the parts with Draco. Really showed that his parents loved him, which I believe they do. It was cute when Draco asked his father to come with him to Diagon Alley, he was trying to be so mature and detached, but Lucius could see right through him.
Your portrayal of the Malfoys was wonderfully refreshing. It’s always nice to find another fan who doesn’t think they’re all evil. :D
The only thing I would consider changing is maybe some of the proposal part. It was very good, but I don’t know that it needed to be told from both POVs. It seemed a tad overdone, but that’s just my opinion.
I absolutely adored the story. I hope you continue to write about the Malfoys.
Author's Response: Oh, what a wonderful review! Thank you so much!
I\'m glad you liked the characterisation of Lucius. One of the things that drives me mad is when he\'s portrayed in that one-sided caricature of a heartless Death Eater. I like thinking there\'s a bit more to his character than that, after all.
Draco was so cute, wasn\'t he? I like seeing the Malfoy family portrayed in a way that\'s a bit more human than they tend to get in mainstream fandom, so this piece was a lot of fun to write for me.
The proposal ... I remember writing that scene, as a matter of fact, and struggling with how to say it without really repeating myself. I definitely see what you mean, but the way the story was going had things told in both PoVs until later, so I just did it.
Thank you once again, though, for you kind comments.
*giggles* That was interesting. That was a very unique way to decide who gets the pitch. Overall, the story was very funny and enjoyable.
However, I find it very hard to believe that those particular Slytherins and Gryffindors would get along that well under any circumstances. They sounded almost friendly, which made most of them appear a bit OOC.
That being said, the OOCness didn’t really take away from the story. I particularly enjoyed the thought of Draco sitting around in red lacy bra. I don’t picture him ever agreeing to that, but it was amusing to think about. It was particular good when someone had to help him clasp it—that was priceless. Also, you somewhat got Draco back IC by having him refuse the kiss at the end. No Malfoy would ever consent to that. Lucius would have killed him, if he learned Draco had ever done something like that!
I did notice one small typo: Angelina, maybe me should just them have the pitch. Me should be we.
Anyway, the story was really fun to read. Well done!
Interesting. A very good take on Harry's feelings. I particularly liked the end, it just seemed to fit perfectly. Good job!
Author's Response: Thanks!! Glad you liked it!
Haha! Very creative. I love the idea of them coming in to find a giant rat reading on their friend’s bed. I’m surprised neither of them squealed. If I remember correctly, James didn’t much like Lily’s toad in one of your stories. (I really hope I’m in the right story when I say that)
Anyway, this was really good and you actually made Peter likable. To me, that is truly remarkable. He is one of the few characters that I can find absolutely no way of redeeming, but this young Peter was cute. Even if he was already beginning to experiment with the Unforgivable Curses.
But I was a little confused about one thing. I don’t really know how they could take him to Madame Pomfrey. Wouldn’t it be obvious how Peter became a rat? They’re not allowed to be Animagus. They shouldn’t have been doing that at their age and even if they were allowed, they should have been registered. It seems to me they would be a lot more reluctant to let that particular secret out of the bag.
Anyway, I loved the end of this. I can’t imagine how much fun those four will have with an oversized rat. I already feel bad for Severus. A very cute little tale.
Author's Response: I figured if Hermione could go as half-cat they could probably also smuggle in Peter in large rat form and still have that medical confidentiality. After all, she definitely wasn\'t supposed to be making Polyjuice Potion either! Thanks for reviewing, and I\'m glad you enjoyed it. You\'re quite right about James and the toad, by the way, but he\'s seen Peter rattified before. Fur is easier to cope with, for James. *Points readers to Curse of the Toad*
Anna, we are such Slytherins. I can’t believe it. We did the same challenge; you wrote about when the Death Eaters escaped Azkaban and I wrote about when they were returned. Great minds, I suppose. *giggles*
Anyway, this was really great. Your description was wonderful. It was like being there with my precious Bella. Your take on Azkaban was interesting as well. I found the fact that there were windows in the cells very different. I have never seen that in a fic before. It was a good idea though. It gives them a way to know how time is passing them by while they rot away.
I was a bit disappointed that the Dark Lord seemed to have his own lair. That seems a little unrealistic to me. He seems too smart to spend much time in one place when so many people want to kill him. However, it worked well to allow his followers to return to him.
And as you know, I hate to think of Bella truly feeling that was about the Dark Lord, but you wrote it very well.
His red eyes lingered over each of them in turn. When the red gaze turned to Bellatrix, she felt her whole body tingle with some strange feeling, swell with a lovely notion. His eyes moved beyond her, and she felt herself steady again. She admired him so, she always felt so privileged when he looked at her…
This paragraph was really well done. I hate the idea that Bella would feel that way, but it showed her feelings so well. To imagine that she would feel so privileged just to have him look at her. It really showed the depth of her devotion.
Oh, and I have a tiny nitpick. In this sentence: Her desolate cell consisted only of only a stiff cot with a thin wool blanket and a rusted bucket for her waste. You have a typo—one too many onlys. :D
Anyway, overall, this was really good. I’ve never given that much thought to the Azkaban escape. Maybe I will now. Great Job, Anna!
Author's Response: *giggles* Great minds most certainly do think alike. ;D
I\'m glad you enjoyed the descriptions of Azkaban. I pretty much just described it how I\'ve always seen the place.
As for the Dark Lord\'s lair, I do kind of agree with you. It wouldn\'t be the brightest thing for him to have a gathering place like that. But on the other hand, he\'s got to live and make evil plans somewhere, right? ;)
Yes, I do think Bellatrix is very devoted to the Dark Lord. Sorry. But I\'m pleased that you liked reading it regardless. :)
Thanks so much for the lovely review, Elle! And I will fix the typo right away. :D
Yay, I'm glad to see this made it through the que. This was such an original idea. I don't really have much to say, since I said it when I beta read it, but I just wanted to say congrats for getting it through because it really is something different.
Author's Response: Thanks for all your help with it. I appreciate it so much.
*claps* Are you in the poetry club on the fourms? If not, you really should join. You really have a knack for poetry.
This was really wonderful. You know, I don't think I've read anything by you that I didn't enjoy. Keep up the good work, Anna.
Author's Response: Aw, Elle, thanks so much. I\'m not a member of the poetry club, actually. . .I write poems very spontaneously (aka, when I have very bad writer\'s block and for some reason poems are the only thing that will come out of my fingers), and am otherwise garbage at it. But I\'ll think about it. :) Thank you for the nice review, again. *huggles*
*waves to SPEW buddy*
I really enjoyed this. It seemed to have a unique feel to it. I can’t really explain it, but it really stood out from the other Hermione/Snape fics that I’ve read. I think it might be because of the direct approach from Severus, which was interesting. I have to admit, it doesn’t really fit his character though. I don’t see him setting himself up for rejection without a better reason.
There is a thin line between teacher and student.
I don’t really get your opening statement. Saying there is a thin line between them, to me, means that there is nothing much separating the student from becoming the teacher. I don’t really think the line fits with the rest of your story.
But there was a point to this. She knew that Harry and Ron would be wrong. Dead wrong. She had always had a feeling that someone was watching her in Potions, and when she would turn around, she would lock eyes with Professor Snape for at least a minute, ultimately always getting back to her work. She had always known that he was watching; waiting to corner her to do this, but she had always thought it a sick fantasy that toyed with her emotions. She actually wanted him to do it.
I loved this paragraph. This is when I really started to get hooked into your story. It really showed that Severus’ feelings had been developing all along and that he wasn’t as good at hiding them as he thought. It makes us look at him in a slightly different way because the Severus we’re used to would be able to hide anything. I also think this is the perfect way to introduce Hermione’s true feelings. Well done, here.
And I loved the whole bit where Hermione realized that Severus threatened to leave. I could feel her panic as she searched for his room and pounded on the door. I knew how she was feeling when she finally accepted that he was gone and started to cry. This part of the story was handled amazingly well.
As I didn’t bother to check the warnings until after I read the fic, I was surprised about Severus. I didn’t expect him to kill himself. He was thinking about returning to the Death Eaters. To a certain extent, he even considered them his friends. I thought that was exactly what he was planning. When he still had that option what made him decide to take his own life?
And now, I have a few nitpicks for you:
“Professor, I . . . I don’t know what you’re wanting, but I really need to go to Charms.
This should be: Professor, I…I don’t know what you want…”
where there was at least a few students bustling by every few moments.
This should be: where there were at least…
As he opened his mouth to speak to her, to profess his true love and feelings for her,
This sentence uses the phrase for her twice. I would consider revising. I would just take the first for her out.
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading your story. Good work!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much, Elle! I\'m so glad that someone has finally decided to do some nitpicking with this, because I was a bit hesitant on how it came out. With the \'there is a thin line between teacher and student\' . . . I don\'t really know how to explain it, but that line just popped into my head for this. What I kind of meant was to reference the other student/teacher relationships going on in the world, and so I tried to make it, instead of a thick line, a thin line . . . lol. If that makes any sense at all. Well, the reason that I made him take his own life is a suicide bunny that popped itno my head about a month before I wrote this, and I thought that a good twist would be, instead of him actually leaving the school (\'If you defy me, I will be gone by tonight\'), is to actually leave the earth. I had a few reviews saying that they enjoyed it. I don\'t really think that this was my best story . . . by far. :) I just thought that it would be a change for me to switch Ron with Snape and be romantically involved with Hermione. More than 3/4 of my romance stories on here are Ron/Hermione, and I\'m trying to challenge myself to write different things, nothing cliched. *cringes* This actually sat in my Word for about a month before it was actually submitted for all of the challenge things and submissions I had to get in, and my writing kind of changed a bit since then. Also, thanks for those punctuation nitpicks . . . I\'ll have to go back and change them. Thanks so much for this spectacular review, Elle! *hugs* I\'ll have to get to yours. *laughs manically* ~Lindsey :)
Sorry, it took me so long to read this, Viv. However, now that I have finally managed to get that done, I can say that it was really good. You always manage to write Ginny in a way that doesn’t make me want to pull my hair out. As I have said before, that is a huge accomplishment. ;)
And as always, it’s fun to see how people handle all the prompts. I liked your Dementor prompt. I didn’t even realize it was suppose to be a Dementor when I wrote mine. Sometimes I can be so dense. However, you handled that well. I liked how it took Ginny so long to think of a happy memory because the Dementor was sucking them from her.
My favorite prompt was your last one. I loved how you made the mirror similar to the one in Harry’s first year. Having Ginny see her entire family, including her future children must have been a shock for her. It must have been really hard for her to walk away from that, but she had the strength to do it, which, of course, was the point. I loved the way you handled that scene.
She wasn’t feeling too patient tonight and the thought of loosing time in this carrousel wasn’t pleasing at all.
I found this line particularly amusing. My question is: just when is Ginny patient? Anyway, good line.
However, I do have one little nitpick about it. It should be losing instead loosing.
Ginny closed her eyes for a few moments, trying to get rid of the sudden panic she was experiencing. She shivered; the air in the room was far colder than it had been in the corridor. It was like she couldn’t control herself anymore. Even breathing was getting harder; her chest was moving up and down rapidly. She had no idea what to do next. Her mind was completely blank.
I love this paragraph. It is absolutely perfect. It leaves the reader with a wonderful eerie feeling, almost as though they are having the experience themselves. That is the mark of a wonderful writer.
“It’s a reflection of what is in your heart. It’s love, Ginny. Now, you must go.”
Another wonderful line. It just sounded right. I loved it.
And the ending of this was lovely. I loved how Ginny walked away from the illusion of her family to search for the real thing. She really did show a lot of strength in this story. For once, I was very impressed with her character.
I do have a few nitpicks for you, though:
With a deep breath to steady her nerves, she reached for the handle and entered in the famous Department of Mysteries.
You don’t need the word in.
And then, she remembered. There was something.
This really should be one sentence. And then she remembered that there was something.
Ginny hold her breath
This should be: Ginny held her breath.
Anyway, just a few minor things that I noticed. Overall, this story was really done. Good luck in the Gauntlet.
Author's Response: Now I\'m happy! Do you know that you just made my day? This is an incredible review, wow! I\'m glad that you liked my story! It is really an accomplishment for me if you found my Ginny bearable. We should write this down somewhere... The last prompt was my favorite, with the veil one too. They actually complete each other and I didn\'t really plan this at the beginning. It just felt right to make her see her family in the mirror, I knew it was an important value for her because of her mother, so... I must say that I\'m blushing right now because you said I was a wonderful writter... :P I\'ll go fix the little mistakes you pointed out. Thank you for your review, it means a lot to me. :)
*huggles SPEW buddy*
Rachel! I had a hard time deciding which of your fics to read and review. I will admit that I was disappointed that I couldn’t use your Andromeda fic because I reviewed it ages ago, but now I’m glad that I couldn’t. If I had done that, I would have just read that fic again and not experienced this wonderful one and that would have been a mistake.
This was really great. I was caught up in the story from the very beginning. So many Lily fics make her come off as Mary Sueish, but you most certainly did not do that. Your Lily was a very intricate and believable character. I absolutely loved the way you handled her.
There weren’t many days like this, in which words simply escaped her, and she found nothing more frustrating.
I loved this line. It just screams Lily, or the way I see Lily, anyway. Again, I would like to say that your characterization of her was perfect.
I also liked how you made her a writer. That part of her reminded me of myself when I was younger. I have always written to relief stress and find normalcy in my life when there is no normalcy anywhere else. The only difference between me and Lily now, is that I am very open about my writing. That’s what I hope to do with my life and I have no hesitations telling anyone that. However, I could still see a lot of myself in Lily and her writing.
I could also see myself in Lily when she was reluctant to change her plot because it was the one stable thing in her life. I hate to see my life thrown into confusion and chaos. I think I would be reluctant to give up the last stable thing in that situation as well.
My ability to relate to Lily made her character so much more real. I know, I have already told you that you handled her well, but I just don’t think I can overstate it. This is the best version of Lily I have read in fan fiction.
I also liked Sirius. He seemed very canon. It was nice to see him tell Lily to loosen up and go with the flow. I think she really needed someone to tell her that. It’s also nice to see Lily taking advice from someone like Sirius, considering she normally thinks he’s a bit erratic.
I do have a couple of minor nitpicks for you:
Lily wanted nothing more to retire to her dormitory, but her stubborn demeanour would have none of that.
I think it should be: Lily wanted nothing more than to retire…
Sirius was half way across the room before he noticed that he was in company.
For this sentence, halfway should be one word. Also, I think the end is a little off. Maybe if you said, he noticed that he was not alone. I don’t know. That might just be a preference thing, but I thought I would mention it.
Anyway, this was a truly amazing story. I believe this is the third story of yours that I have read. You are clearly a great writer and I look forward to reading more of your stories. Great job!
Author's Response: Elle! *tackles* Man, that was a speedy review. Do forgive me if mine takes a while, but I\'ve got exams, so I probably won\'t get around to it for two weeks or so. *facepalm* But yes, I shall have it written before review period\'s up. :D
ANYWAY. Thank you so much for the FANTABULOUS review! I\'m really glad that you thought Lily was a relatable character; that\'s what I was going for when I chose to make her a writer. ;) *facepalm* Stoopid typos. *makes note to correct* And yes, I agree that sentence ends a bit oddly; I actually noticed that when I was rereading it, then I read the next line to find that you thought the same thing. o.O Talk about confusing sentences. *shifty eyes* Ahem. Before I ramble myself to death, I shall once more thank you for the wonder review! And I\'m quite glad that you liked it, and thought the Lily/Sirius worked well! :D
Anna, this is positively adorable! Where do you come up with these things? It’s so rarely that we see any of these characters in a light piece and you have managed to include them as though they truly belong there. Not once did I see even a hint of OCCness, which is usually present in these types of stories when using these types of characters. As always, you have handled your story and the characters marvelously.
“I don’t know, but I wasn’t about to let him get away with saying it,” she told me firmly. “I know this much: that kid is a blood-traitor, a nasty piece of work, and a moron. In addition to that, his expression was so vile I just knew he wasn’t paying you a compliment.”
I loved this! It’s exactly what I would picture Bella to be like while she was at school. As you know, I think she’s a much softer side, but she would never show it in public and Hogwarts. I loved the way she attacked the kid, without having the faintest idea what he had said. She is always impulsive and reckless. This was perfect Bella. :D
But I was a young lady Black. I was quite above doing work myself.
I think it should be: But I was a young, Black lady.
Other than that I adored this. You have managed to sum up a good portion of Narcissa’s character in two short lines. She thinks herself far superior because of her name and heritage, and she is not about to let anyone forget that. Very well done.
“It would be interesting to know whether they were calling the potion a foolish and scatterbrained gossiper, or Slughorn.”
Again, perfect characterization. This sounds exactly like Snape. Right away, he knew that Narcissa was lying to him; however, he chose to let her dig herself in deeper, smirking all the while. This is just what the Snape we know and love would do.
And by the way, this piece was hilarious. I think this is the first time I have read your attempt at humor. You are very good with it. I found myself laughing out loud more than once while reading this. Very impressive, indeed.
Keep writing, Anna, because you truly have a gift.
Author's Response: Wow, what a lovely and detailed review -- it\'s nearly as long as the story itself! :D Thank you so much for all of your comments, Elle, and I\'m glad you liked the plot and characterizations and such. And the humor, because I wasn\'t sure it came through until all this feedback! :) Anyway, thanks again!!
Yay Suzie! I'm really glad to see this up. I loved this when I beta read it and it's great to see it up for everyone to read. *huggles Suzie* *thinks Suzie should write more Malfoy based stories*
Author's Response: ooh THANK YOU Elle! :D *huggles back* Thanks for being an awesome beta, and I\'m glad you liked the story! Malfoy based stories... mmkay... *pokes brain for plot bunnies* :p <33
Congrats on getting this accepted. I really did enjoy reading it.
Author's Response: Thanks Elle, for betaing and all your help! *huggles teh new mod*
Hehe, I still snicker at the idea of the Malfoys even coming into contact with a phone. Ron had a horrible time when he tried to call Harry and he was open to the idea of using Muggle technology. I must say, Lucius did better than I would have expected.
And now here he was, his newly escaped-from-Azkaban self sitting in a comfy chair in his manor, twiddling the phone in his hand.
Okay, I have to ask. If Lucius just escaped from Azkaban, why is he calmly setting in his home? Isn’t that the most likely place for the Ministry to look for him? I would think he would be on the run, as well as his son.
It was the little phone! What did that noise mean? Was it bad? Good? On top of that, the thing was vibrating! What did that signify?
I loved this. It was so cute to see Lucius attempting to understand a phone. Didn’t he expect that it would make a noise? The vibrating was a nice touch though. The poor guy. I think he needs a hug.
“No one’s here to speak to you,” said Lucius in a cool voice barely above a whisper.
I also really loved this line. I knew he was talking to as soon as I read it. Not that I had any idea why she would call, but the way he spoke to her it was so clear that it was someone who had been cut from his life.
And I love the way you show the relationship between Lucius and Andromeda. It’s very much like Lucius to pretend that he wants nothing to do with her, but the second he realizes that she’s hurting, he can’t pretend anymore. It’s clear that they once had a very strong bond, a bond that has not been fully broken.
“I never told you the truth, but I — I didn’t fall in love with Ted. That’s not what changed our relationship. I fell out of love, not in love. I didn’t love you anymore . . . or, couldn’t, at least.”
I found this part pretty shocking. I actually will admit that I found it even a bit OOC. Andromeda gave up her whole life for Ted, her whole family. I have to believe that she truly loved him from the start. Otherwise, it doesn’t really make sense. However, I can see her falling out of Lucius because of what he became.
I also have a tiny nitpick: But in the end, their desperateness won over, and they agreed to his plan. I think desperation fits in this sentence better than desperateness. It just read awkward to me.
Anyway, overall, I really loved this story. I liked the idea of Andromeda/Lucius. As you know, I have played with the idea of Bellatrix/Lucius on many occasions so the pairing didn’t shock me. I think you made them reasonably believable as a couple, which is an accomplishment. And I really did enjoy reading this little tale.
Author's Response: Yay! Thanks so much for this lovely review, Elle. I\'ll do my best to reply to everything . . .
Well, first, I completely didn\'t think about the fact that the Ministry would look at Lucius\' house first after the break-out. Heh. That is a very good point. :P But on the other hand, the war is fairly far along at this point, and the Ministry might be pretty terrified to visit the house of a notorious Death Eater. That\'s the only reason I can think of. ^.^
Haha, yes, it was so much fun to freak Lucius out with the phone. I\'m glad you liked that part. I think he needs a hug too. He didn\'t escape from Azkaban just to have strange Muggle devices make noise at him! :D
As for Andromeda. She didn\'t leave her family just because of Lucius, she also left because she couldn\'t deal with her family\'s ideals of pureblood and such. Actually, there is a fic currently stewing on my computer that goes into their history and the reasons behind Andromeda\'s departure more in-depth (Lucius certainly being one of the primary reasons) -- hopefully it will be posted someday. :) But anyhow, Andromeda DOES love Ted, but she still always had lingering feelings for Lucius.
Anywho, thank you so much for the lovely SPEW review! :D I\'m glad you enjoyed the fic and the pairing. And I agree, desperation fits better, I will have to fix that (sometime or another ;)).
I'm so glad this is up. I really enjoyed it. *runs to add to favorites*
Author's Response: *squees back* Yay! I\'m pleased you still like it. Thanks for all your help with it, Elle! :D *huggles*
This was so adorable. I really loved it. It's so weird to think of Andy as Grandma. Great job, though.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I know what you mean.
Author's Response: Oh and sorry just had to add this. Read your profile and I agree. Bellatrix rocks. My friends and I call ourselves the Death Eaters and I\'m Bellatrix and they all thought it was hilarious I got owned by Molly Weasley. =(
Excellent. I really loved you. You portrayed Narcissa very well and I loved the flow of your poem.
Author's Response: Eeek! Thanks! I really really like your stuff- I\'m glad you read this! It was actually based off a slightly emo poem I did when I was angry and stuff. xD So... ahem. Anyways, thanks for reviewing. I love to get them!
Amazing. I love it. I never believed that Bella died. Anyone who knows me, knows that I could never really accept that.
I love the way you wrote this. I liked that Bella was so frightened of death. No matter how little we have to live for or how miserable we are, death is still scary. You captured that wonderfully.
I'm also not surprised that Bella chose to live. She's a fighter. I could see her committing suicide in some instances, but this didn't feel like one of those. I think you handled her chatacter beautifully.
Author's Response: Yay, glad I decided to check my reviews again, I haven't been back here in a while. I'm so glad you liked it!
Wow. I think most people know that I like to explore the more compassionate side of Bellatrix. That's the opposite of what you did, but I still loved this fic.
I liked the way you showed her ambition and devotion. But I noticed more ambition than devotion. I think it should have been the other way around for straight canon-Bella, which I never really write...
I also liked the end. She realized that she hadn't been fully accepted into the inner circle. What she'd probably never understand is that LV doesn't have a real inner circle. She'd never get what she wanted, which is actually kind of sad.
I'm done rambling now. But I'd like to say again, that this story was really good. *hugs Bella*
Author's Response: YES you reviewed this story. Honestly, this may be a little creepy, but from the day I posted this, I thought, "I wonder what Elle would think of my Bella?" And now you've read it! I'm glad you enjoyed it, too :] I've always seen Bella as ambitious in terms of her devotion. When it comes to the Death Eaters she always wants to be the best, the most faithful, etc. That's the true part of Bella I was really trying to portray in this fic, I suppose, drive to be the best in Voldemort's eyes. Anyway, thanks for the lubly review :D
Wow. This was amazing. I love the way you handled Severus. Honestly, I didn't give this scene a lot of thought. Certain things stick with you, but I'd never thought of exploring it further. This is classic Severus. I love what he was able to reach out and help as she was dying. Really amazing work.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I'm pleased you liked my depection of Severus - it's a challenge to get him right - not the greasy git, as depcted in the books, but a deeply fascinating character with complex moral beliefs.