Whoa. This was really dark. A very good exploration of Harry's feelings. I really enjoyed this. Very well done.
Author's Response: My VERY FIRST REVIEW EVER ! ! ! Yay! Thank you for the compliments...I can finally breath, I was thinking that maybe some of the bits were to obscure (such as the bit at the end where I have Harry decide to inflict self injury/commit suicide after killing Voldemort inorder to be with the ones he loves/has lost) to really find meaning in through the books...it\'s INCREDIBLY difficult to fit the life of a main character who spans seven books into one short poem...anyhoo, thank you, agian! *hugs* ~The Tainted One
This was very cute. Your Dobby was very well done. That does sound like something he would do. Although, I'll admit, when I read the title, I thought Snape would be getting boxer shorts. Anyway, this was very well done. :D
Author's Response: Ah, well, doesn\'t everybody get boxer shorts? (Well, I don\'t, but then again...) But tartan pajamas... now that\'s special. I think Dobby has excellent taste!
Haha! This was very cute. I really enjoyed it. Sorry, I don't have anything really constructive to say, I just wanted to tell you, good job. :D
Author's Response: I\'m glad you liked it! :-) Thanks for R&Ring!
Awww, poor Sirius. I can't imagine what he must have felt when he read that.
This was really good, but I think it would have been nice if you had included the after-effects of the letter. What Remus felt after he sent it. What Sirius felt after he read it.
Otherwise, this was very well done. :D
This was really cute. Sorry I have nothing more productive to say, I just couldn't not tell you that I really enjoyed this. :D
Author's Response: Thanks! I love all kinds of reviews and cute is my thing!!! Well, unless Victoria\'s around. (It makes sense if you\'ve read Lady Blood ;)}
Lily kind of reminds me of Hermione. Highly intelligent, yet slightly irrational.
Poor Severus. I like the way you wrote him. He may not have his air of sarcasm, but I doubt he was that sarcastic at seventeen anyway.
I also liked how you made Lily the potions genius and had Severus learn from her. I don't think I've ever seen that done before. I've read fics where they worked together, but she wasn't smarter. Very interesting.
I really enjoyed this. Well done, especially for your first fic.
Oh one thing, your spacing is off. There are big gaps between the paragraphs. You should check the br tags.
Author's Response: Lily for me is a smarter Ginny, not that Ginny\'s stupid, but she\'s not exceptionally smart either. She definitly was irrational in this chapter. Don\'t worry though, she\'s not a drama queen throughout the whole story. Perhaps it was the pressure of the NEWTS that made her a bit irritable... Either way she thinks better of her actions later. Thank you for the review! I was always looking forward to what my favourite author thought of my fanfic:).
Yes, Roxanne, this is very dark for you. However, I enjoyed it. It was interesting to see Severus’ descent into evil. His reactions were normal and human. The whole way through I was so sure that he would get the children out of there, but staying true to the dark theme, he left them to die, becoming a true Death Eater.
I was rather surprised at the end, though. I know that Severus’ hate for James runs deep, but I can’t imagine that he would truly want to hurt Lily. Even if he was never in love with her, and in this story he was, I don’t think he would want to hurt her. She was kind to him once, and it doesn’t appear that this is something that has happened to Severus many times in his life.
Severus chanced a look at the Dark Lord. He was smiling, or as close to a smile as the Dark Lord could manage. It was a cold, inhuman smile that didn’t take away from his menacing appearance.
I love the way you described the Dark Lord here. It was so perfect. Just the thought that he could manage a smile is laughable and you brought that out wonderfully. I think the words cold and inhuman were perfect here.
‘Severus,’ replied Lucius. ‘We’re going to pay a visit to Edgar Bones, who is currently at the Raven’s Inn in Diagon Alley.’
‘All right,’ said Severus hesitantly. He followed Lucius out of his house and Disapparated to Diagon Alley.
I have to admit, this made me laugh. Last week I started a work placement, and this is what it reminded me of. This is what you’re going to do. I will tell you at the last minute and offer no extra information at all. Good luck, with that. Sorry, I just thought this was unique because it really seemed like would happen when starting a new job, which is kind of what being a Death Eater is.
As Severus’s ears were filled with the sound of Bones’s screaming, he felt a weight plummet in his stomach; this wasn’t just a war between two enemy sides. There were children involved. There were innocent, defenceless people who were hiding somewhere in here, forced to hide and listen to their father’s screams as Severus and Lucius tortured and tormented him, scared for their lives and that of their father or husband.
Wonderful. I love this passage. It truly shows what this was is like. It’s not about two sides fighting each other. There are countless people involved, some of them innocent, some of them not. But they’re all people, and no one deserved to be slaughtered for the sake of ‘the cause’.
Severus can see so clearly that he’s wrong. It’s hard to believe that he became so caught up in this. It’s different when the Death Eaters believe their right. Killing is never right, no matter which side your on, but when you know that, what excuse do you have?
Anyway, moving on from my rambling, I do have a small knit-pick. Defenseless is misspelled in this passage. Although, this is the only the error that I noticed. :D
So overall, this was a really great chapter. It was interesting to be inside Severus’ mind the first time he truly served the Dark Lord. Keep up the good work, and I will be waiting for the next chapter.
Author's Response: *squee*! I love long reviews, thanks a lot, Elle. I will try to explain myself a little better, things in my mind are so obvious to me, I forget that others aren\'t in on the plot. The thing with Severus is that after that whole scene he was beyond devastated. Everything just hurt so much; obliviously his guilt but also the fact that, just like you, he thought that somehow he would be able to get those kids and Clara out. He was so sure of himself and he failed. Then he had to act for awhile that he didn\'t care, actually be proud of what he accomplished in order to impress Lucius. Then he had his slashed head and the pain of the Dark Mark to deal with. So at this point, Severus was looking around desperatly for a... distraction, basically. If the first thing he saw was a bottle of wine or some drug, he would’ve become an alcoholic or a drug addict. It was all the same to him at that point. But instead, his eyes fell on a picture of Lily+James. From then on, hate overpowered him (and made him forget) so much that it became his drug. Maybe a little odd, but when you think about it, he isn\'t the first one to gather satisfaction and relief from immersing himself in hate, even if irrational. He doesn\'t really hate Lily, he just hates the whole situation, what he has left and what he has become, but it’s sooo much easier for him to just obsess over plotting against L+J than try to find a way out of this. People do stupid things when intoxicated. Heheh, Lucius has done this several times and treats the whole thing exactly like a job. Killing a couple of innocent people and murdering their children? Meh, all in a day’s work. No one deserves to be slaughtered for ‘the cause’. Unfortunately, this is Tales of the First War, and this is definitely not the last death scene:(. I shall fix the knit pick later, now I have to go to bed *yawn*, thanks for the review:D!
Heh. Sorry, it took me so long to get to this chapter.
Anyway, it was very entertaining. I was liked the idea of Severus immediately turning to the Dark Lord. It kinda seems OOC for him and it doesn't at the same time. It was werid, but it worked here, especially considering that we know Severus' temper tends to overpower his common sense.
And poor Bella! They're always picking on my Bella.
Anyway, great chapter!
Author's Response: *Squee* I was looking forward to your review *double squee*! Severus\' temper plays a huge role in chapter 4 and 5, though I promise I won\'t make him totally evil (yet...). I originally intended to pick on Bella far more than I do now. I just didn\'t have the heart after reading Blinded, Breaking Point, Broken and Scarred, all of that. Poor Bella, poor Severus... *sniff* Anyways, thanks so much for the review!
Yay more Sevy. I missed him.
Anyway, I found this chapter very cute. I liked the flashbacks to when James and Lily were first dated. They were a really nice touch.
And, I just read your response to my last review. I'm glad to hear that my stories have inspired you to be a little kinder to Bella. *huggles Bella*
Great chapter! Oh, I did expect something more embarassing from Sirius though...
Author's Response: *blushes* I thought I\'d be useless at romance, but apparently people like this chapter:). I just read \'\'Unworthy\'\', here again, I\'m going to be just a little kinder to Bella:). Better lay off your fics at some point though, otherwise I\'m going to end up writing Bella as a sweet, caring lady. Okay, info on chapter 4: It\'s called \'\'Follow my Lead\'\'. I won\'t spill everyone\'s that\'s in it, but Severus is definitly there along with an OotP member and Voldemort. It\'s the longest chapter yet, around 4000 words. About Sirius, okay, got it. I will try to get him to do something more embarassing when he gets the chance:). He won\'t get that though in the next few though. Wow, that\'s basically my first constructive critisicm in my reviews, cool. Thanks for the review!
I have no idea what a sestina is, but this was really good. The emotion and loss shone through wonderfully. Very well done.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review Elle! :D A condensed explanation - a sestina is a six stanza poem. You take the last word of the first six lines and rotate them round the other lines/stanzas, so that the line-endings in each stanza only ever consist of these six words, but in different orders. That probably didn\'t make sense...but ah well. :p Google it or something, and I think there\'s an excellent explanation in one of the poetry class threads. Try writing one! They\'re great fun, but frustrating at times. *hides* Anyway, thanks again! *huggles* ~Suzie
This was really original. It was well done and followed the flow of the song excellently.
Author's Response: thanks so much!! i was a band geek in a former life, so that means a lot. happy holidays!!
Awww, Sarah. I loved it. It was really sweet. Poor Draco. I would really hate to see him end up alone, to me, he doesn't seem like the type of person who could handle it.
I would have loved to have heard more about how his feelings for Hermione developed. Or why she left. But I loved it anyway.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yeah, I don\'t want him to be alone either, lol. I\'m glad you enjoyed it, Elle!
Nice. This was entertaining. I noticed in your first review that the POV changes were found confusing, but I actually liked them. You introduced each character as you changed. I thought it was well done.
Author's Response: Thanks Elle! *huggles* This was actually one of my first poems, so it\'s nice to hear that someone likes it. :)
Gee, they've really got a pick on Lily, haven't they?
This was cute. It reminded me of my school days when I used to play this, not for points though.
Anyway, cute start. I'm sure this will progress to some really interesting situations.
Author's Response: Yeah, poor Lily. Don\'t worry, she\'ll get her turn soon enough.
*giggles* Sammie, your A/N was longer than your poem!
However, I loved the poem. It was so short and it still managed to convey a lot of emotion. I think it was really well done.
I will be waiting in the CR for my cyber cookie. :p
Author's Response: Hehe, thanks Elle! What can I say, it needed to be 100 words. *shrugs* I\'ll be there in a minute to give you your cookie. :)
Wow. This was wonderful. I absolutly adored it. Sorry this isn't the most detailed review, but that's all I can think of the say. Good luck with the challenge.
Cute. I like your Blenkinsop Waterbut. Good call on shortening his name. I wish I had thought of that. Anyway, your story is very interesting. Good job!
Well done, Nicole. I liked Draco's thought process, although I was sad to see him run away from Severus. He owed Severus a lot more than a few good wishes. But the story was wonderful.
I really loved Draco's thoughts about his father. I think this was my favorite part. However, I noticed that you refered to the Dementors here and they are no longer at Azkaban. They left sometime in book five, I think it was.
Anyway, wonderful start and good luck with the challenge.
Author's Response: Excellent point about Severus. I\'m sorry I didn\'t think of that. Maybe if I rewrite it after the challenge, I can fix that as it does make sense to have some sort of dialogue to explain the way I left them. *facedesk* ::trying to remember where I mentioned Dementors:: Ah, with Lucius. *nuts.*
Awww, cool ending. I didn't see that coming, I thought he was going to the Order. Although, I realize the part about Dumebledore's philosophy on death was foreshadowing now.
This was my favorite chapter and I particularly liked the mention of Andromeda. Well done, Nicole.
Haha! Lucius' worst nightmare. This was really cute and fun to read. Good luck with the challenge.
Author's Response: Hehe, thanks! There will be more to come, by the way... I wish you luck, as well!