Hello there! I think you have a really neat idea here. It is nice to see the world of Hogwarts through the letters of a student.

I would like to suggest two things. First, don't hesitate to develop Emma's character through her letters by letting us know a lot more about what she thinks and feels. There is a huge opportunity here to build up a lovable girl that your readers can identify with. Most, if not all, of your readers know about what happened to Harry his first year. I would suggest making Emma's letters do more then just relate those events. Have Emma really give a whole new perspective on Harry's life, or use your story to show 'missing moments' in his school years. Go wild with your imagination here. I LOVED what you did with Fred and George's hair color potion! Have more stuff like that; that was so awesome.

Second, have you though about showing Emma's letters to other people then just her grandfather? Her letters to her mother and cousins(?) might be a nifty thing to try your hand at...

I hope this review isn't overwhelming. I am probably offering a lot more then you need to hear.

Great work, and keep updating. This fic is ready to go places!

Pax.


Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to leave such great suggestions! It really wasn\'t overwhelming, it\'s great to know someone is reading so carefully and thoughtful enough to leave such a nice note. Hopefully I won\'t sound defensive, but I really did think about both of your concerns as I worked on this story. So here\'s a bit of insight into the deepest recesses of my mind . . . As to Emma writing to other people beside her grandfather: again, I absolutely thought about it. But for this piece I wanted to keep it consistent: I felt like jumping around from a letter to her mom, to a letter to her dad, to a letter to her cousin would be too difficult to follow. This way she is telling a more continuous story to one person. But that said, I originally envisioned this character for a series of challenges, and had her writing a different set of letters for each challenge, each centered around a different theme, each from a different year of her schooling at Hogwarts. Without giving too much away, since I may continue with this someday, Emma does not write to her grandfather exclusively through the years. But for this challenge, she did, for the reasons above. :) As for your other suggestion about developing her personality and experiences a bit more - yes, you are absolutely right. I could definetly see how as a reader that would be highly desirable. Hopefully I can do more with that if and when I continue her letters through the years. But again - for this challenge I deliberately set out to detail her thoughts about Harry. She\'s got a small crush on him, although I left a hint at the end that that could be changing. But again - should I continue working with Emma, I know a bit more of her will reveal itself, because I\'ve planned for some of it already. Can\'t tell, though. ;) So that\'s what was going through my mind as I worked on this. And like I said - should I follow Emma through her years at Hogwarts, I will definitely branch out a bit and hopefully incorporate your suggestions more. Thanks again for your wonderful note, I really appreciate it. Take care! ~Gina :)

err, alright--current reaction:everyone is OOC. I am sure your story will explain everything, but you probably should have introduced the radical changes more slowly.

I don't think McGonagall would have hired smeone out of the blue. A teacher, who will be around kids? There are safety issues to be considered.

Anyway, I'll give chapter two a try. You did a good job building up the mystery and suspense.
~Fauna

Author's Response: one thing i like to inform readers of is that everything in my story has a purpose, a reason for being the way it is. for example, there\'s a reason mcgonagal hiring landon the way she did. but i\'m glad you are continuing on to chapter 2. my best writing picks up in the later chapters, so enjoy!

Wow! Unique. I loved it. I can honestly say I thought your version of the final battle was better then JKR's (which I frankly found very disappointing.)

You have such an interesting interpretation of Harry's character. It doesn't exactly fit with the Harry in Rowling's books, but your Harry seems to be a more mature rendering of a boy who grew up in the same circumstances/world/environment. Do you know what I mean?

The one thing I have trouble understanding is Harry's reaction to Ron's death. It seems to me that some part of him would feel sorrow... just like some part of him still finds joy in something as simple as flying. However, this is only an opinion...

Thanks for posting this one shot. I enjoyed it immensely. Now I'm off to see if the next chapter of The Song of the Trees is up yet!
~Fauna

I loved it... but if Lily is was so good at Charms why did she need matches?

Pax.

Wow. This was a powerful and original story. I liked everything about it. Angelina's courage at the end made me happy (that's right ladies and gents, if it don't feel right turn around and leave, even if you are at the very alter!) I also loved how it was Alicia that brought Fred into the story, reminding her friend of something Angelina already knew deep down. And did Alicia send Fred to plead his case? It doesn't seem like pure coincidence that Fred was on the doorstep the next morning.

Enjoyable, thoughtful, and a good read. Thank you, and please keep writing. :-)

Pax

Author's Response: Thank you! I actually never thought about Alicia sending Fred to Angelina, but I always try to leave a certain amount up to interpretation, so it\'s very well that it happened the way you said. Glad you liked it. :)

Superb beginning. Please, please, please continue. I've always wanted to read a good story from the Grindelwald era. Finally looks like someone is writing one that looks very promising. I'm eager to see how this will go.

Pax.

Author's Response: Thanks a bunch!

Gritty. The child-birthing scene made me a bit squeamish, but your story was properly rated for that. You have a very cool idea for an AU story, bravo. The burning question-- is Tom Riddle going to still become Lord Voldemort? Can't wait to find out...

There where one or two places where you repeated yourself. Might want to re-read work before posting it with that specifically in mind. Other than that I have no critique to offer-- and even this is rather nit-picky.

Keep writing!

Pax.

Well done. Your poem was controlled but full of passion. It rhymed well too. The subject was serious and the twist at the end was heart wrenching. I think this poem is going to haunt me. I hope Ginny doesn't get paralyzed in the last book. One thing I found confusing was the line that says "I sit down with friends." If Ginny is paralyzed how can she do this? Shouldn't it run something like "I sit [here?] with friends"? Nevertheless the poem is excellent.

Pax.


Author's Response: Thanks for catching that problem, I\'ll go fix i right now! Thanks!

Well, after reading that I really have only one question for you: why are you still writing fan fiction instead of original work? You have a near-perfect command of the English language, your character development and insight into character is brilliant, and your narrative flows smoothly from start to finish. Get yourself an editor and get writing!

I would also encourage you to challenge yourself by writing a multi-chaptered fic. I know you said you think you might lose interest. But I think the challenge would be a good thing.

Well, it seems I contradicted myself-- move on from fan fiction and write a long fic... hmm, I am going to have to work on consistency. I still stand by what I said, however.

One sentence stuck out for me:
She has gotten her acceptance letter only last week.
You might consider altering this sentence. 'Gotten' just doesn't sound right to me.

I have added you to my favorite author's list, and I will be keeping an eye out for any new stories of yours. (I am now heading off to check the other stories that you already have validated.)

~Fauna

Loved this chapter! I've been waiting for Colin and Emily to find out. I hope you devote some of next chapter to the family and their discovery of the magical world. But I am sire whatever you decide to do will be wonderful.

*squishes*
~Fauna

Author's Response: Sorry, not the next chapter. It took a different direction, but I'm sure you'll be pleased. Dani