Penname: FaunaCaritas [Contact]
Real name: Stephanie
Member Since: 06/03/06
Website:
Beta-reader:
Status: Member
Bio:
Thank you for stopping by. I sincerely hope that you will read my work, give me some advice, and check out my favorites list.

I am a proud member of Ravenclaw house.

My stories:


On Broken Wings
A Charlie/Hermione romance.

At the End Comes the Beginning
A poem about the journey to the Afterlife.

Our Legacy
A four founders tale.

Broken
Will Alice ever recover her sanity?

Myth and Mystery
Alice is swept into a hair-raising adventure.

Flight, Fright, and Fight
Narcissa must learn to fight for her identity.

[Report This]
Reviews by FaunaCaritas
 

by
Rated: [Reviews - ]

Summary:

Categories: Orphan Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 0 Chapters: 0 Completed: No
Published:
12/31/69 Updated: 12/31/69


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 08/05/06 Title: None

Definitely continue this story. It is an awesome start. You really capture the confusion she feels waking up and slowly recalling her identity. Bravo. Good, good work. I would offer some cc, but I don't think there are any weaknesses worth noting in this story so far! You had a great balance between emotional descriptions and 'environment' descriptions. It’s easy to go too much either direction, and I admire your skill in not doing so.

Please make this into a longer story.

Pax.


Author's Response: Thanks for the review - it\'s great to have encouragement. I\'m currently typing up the second chapter so it should be posted soon.

 

Song for a Midnight Premiere by Hero London
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: For some reason, they won't post this on the Song Parody list, so I thought I'd post it under Fan Fiction. It is sung to the tune of "Gilligan's Island" and therefore, I did not write the music. Special thanks to J.K. Rowling for all her inspiration and also Darci Shumway and Tiffany Lloyd for all their help! Slight HBP spoiler.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 344 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/11/06 Updated: 03/11/06


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 08/09/06 Title: Chapter 1: n/a

*clap, clap, clap*

Write more stuff Hero London! (and yes, visit England. It is absolutely amazing in every respect.)

Pax.

Author's Response: I need to update that....I just got back from England and it truly is everything I have ever dreamed and more

 
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 12/25/06 Title: Chapter 1: n/a

Unfortunately I don't know the Gilligan's Island theme song. (Does that mean I was born in a cave, etc.?) But I still liked the lyrics you wrote.

Please write more stories!

Pax.

Author's Response: Thanks again for your reviews! No, I do not believe you were \"born in a cave.\" :) Look for my next short story, coming soon!

 

Firecracker by KalHoNaaHo
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 27]

Summary: Amazing how something born from insignificance and a dire need to measure up is the one thing that brings Ginny Weasley back. One-shot.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 3149 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
03/16/06 Updated: 03/16/06


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 07/11/07 Title: Chapter 1: Firecracker

What a fantastic look into Ginny's world. You did an incredible job of portraying her thoughts and feelings. No hint of the stereotypical or mundane here! She is a real person with thoughts, feelings, confusions, anger, and joy.

I have for ages wanted to find a story that depicted Ginny learning to fly/flying. The way you described it I almost felt like I was right there, watching it happen. There was something intensely feminine about your illustration of the scene. I mean this in a good way. Ginny is an entirely different person from Harry. Flying means something subtly different to her. She rockets upward like a bird or skims the grass like a butterfly... I can't do it justice. Your style was impressive. I could feel her heart throbbing as she soared away from her troubles. wow. I really can't say enough in praise of this element in your story. It makes perfect sense that she became a great Quidditch player when you see what makes her love to fly. Flying means so much to her-- of course she is good at it.

I liked her relationship with Charlie. The books give you a good idea how she feels about Bill. She looks up to him, takes his side in an argument, etc. Charlie seems to be a bit more of a buddy, but she still likes being his 'little sister.' I also liked the hints at her relationship with Ron. I can just see her playing with him as little tikes. (Fred and George had each other, so Ron and Ginny had to have been closer to each other then to their other siblings.) Her anger with him was just right. She wasn't nasty about it, just sad, hurt, and a bit bitter. Perfect. You didn't over do it. She has a temper, but she isn't vicious...

There was a haunting quality to your writing that left me speechless. Let me quote you:

"One day, she would be whole again. She would climb trees and somersault in the grass, and she would push the tumultuous past behind her. She was strong, after all. She was tough and resilient and a Gryffindor. She refused to walk on shattered glass any longer, for it was all on her shoulders from now on. Her dreams, her choices, her faults, were hers alone. She was Ginny Weasley, and she could break down the door You-Know-Who had dropped in front of her. She had a life to live."

This kind of thing is really hard to write without messing up. Most amateur authors who attempt something like this wind up with sappy yickyness. You pulled it off really well. This paragraph, and the others like it, set your story apart.

I also wanted to bring up the way you maintain Ginny's 'childishness.' I don't mean pettiness, I mean her girlish, youthful character. She has just enough of a young-adult's naivety, but she has obviously experienced evil (Tom Riddle) and been effected by it. Well done.

There is a lot more to praise in this story. I wish I could do a better job describing what I love about it.

Please write more stories.

Pax.

 

Joy from Sorrow by stareyed_in_LA
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: After Harry dies during the Last Battle, Ginny has a hard time finding happiness again. Told in a Petrarchian sonnet. Absolute thank yous to FanFicWriterNikki for BETA reading this!



Stareyed_in_LA for Gryffindor House. Poetry Challenge 2, "Rebirth, and the Pheonix dies and is reborn again."

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 125 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/25/06 Updated: 04/26/06


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 06/23/06 Title: Chapter 1: Joy from Sorrow

A suggestion... don't ryme 'life' and 'lowlife', it's repetative. Also, you use the phrase 'once again' twice in the third part. But bonos puntos for the difficult format! Pax.

 

Lupin's Tail by coppercurls
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: Remus is too afraid to let love into his life. But perhaps the sacrifice he is making isn't the one he was meant to make. After losing love once, can he let it pass once more through his fingers?

Categories: Remus/Tonks Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2198 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/26/06 Updated: 05/07/06


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 08/05/06 Title: Chapter 1: Lupin's Tail

Fantastic. I liked the flashback. I liked the ending. I guess I'm saying I loved the whole thing. Super writting, neat character developement, and nice flow to the whole story. Keep the good stuff coming!

Pax.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I\'m glad the flashbacks weren\'t confusing!

 

Winter's Last Chill by MorganRay
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: While the Triwizard Tournament is underway at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin journeys to Sweden on a mission that concerns his past. In that country, winter hangs on even as the celebration for spring, Walpurgis Night, approaches. In the soul, winter can cling, too, as Remus knows. However, even the faintest rays of spring can thaw a deep frost. (Term Challenge: Hufflepuff: MorganRay)

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 26292 Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/01/06 Updated: 06/06/06


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 06/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: Lilacs

I am deeply impressed with this story. Remus Lupin has always been one of my favorite characters, and you have given him an entirely new dimension to live and breath in for your readers. You have a unique style of writing that just slips off the page easily, and carries the reader away into the world you have so vividly painted. Your way of writing is completely different from JKRs, but not in a bad way. As far as I'm concerned you should find a story, an editor, and a publisher of your own. Your talent is highly developed. While not perfect, this is the best written fan fiction I have read so far. My only criticism-- and I'm being very nit-picky here-- is that there were a few places things were too confusing for the reader to follow with perfect ease. The opening paragraphs spring to mind. It was difficult to make out what was going on, and who was who. When Greger introduces Bjorn I had to read every thing through twice to figure out whether Bjorn was the younger or older man, or whether there might even be a fourth person besides Lupin. Things like this happen very occasionally throughout the story, and they are in fact so rare it didn't mar the work at all. An extra proof read might be a good idea too, but now I'm bordering the line between mildly important and wildly unimportant.

The characters you created have a piercing beauty, and are thoroughly developed. I wouldn't describe this story as a tear-jerker, it goes way beyond that. It throbs with the pain Lupin has felt since childhood, and conveys the devastation wrecked upon his once happy family. You can feel the poignant stabs of pain that sear Evey's heart and mind as she raises her eyes to the moon on that fateful night, her ravaged son in her arms.

Keep writing stories. Pax.

Author's Response: Hmm, I\'ll have to watch that dialogue part. I\'m not surprised I did that, though, because the beginning was the most difficult to write for me. This is probably the most flattering review I\'ve ever gotten, and I don\'t try to mimick Jo\'s style. I like the way she writes, but I\'m not her, but that\'s okay for me. Thanks for the comment on my style, and I\'ll try not to dissapoint. I\'m glad you liked Evey, too, because I might do a one-shot on her, also.

 

On My Own by JC_Cainstone
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 43]

Summary: "Tonks watched him turn and raise his hand in his normal farewell salute. She copied, hoping it looked as natural on her as it did on him.



His chuckle of amusement told her it didn't."



Tonks liked him, she wasn't afraid to admit it, to herself anyway. To him? Never!



But what if she dared to...?

Categories: Remus/Tonks Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 13917 Chapters: 6 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/05/06 Updated: 10/31/06


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 08/05/06 Title: Chapter 1: On My Own

So well written! I'm not typically a fan of song-fics, but I loved yours. Good job with the imagery. I also think you kept the characters canon, which is a very good thing. Remus stories almost always make him out to be some kind of outrageously sexy guy with superstar charisma. That is fine... but I don't think that is the Remus that JKR came up with. So anyway-- love your Tonks (lovable, clumsy, passionate) and your Remus.

Pax.

P.S. I wanted that door to open soooo bad. Will you consider writting a second part?


Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I find it really hard to portray characters acurately as I write my own stuff in my spare time withmy own characters who can act anyway I want them to! I am definitely going to continue writing this, I should have updated it already, really, but I went to Kenya for a couple of weeks during the holidays and I haven\'t quite caught up on sleep! Anyway, after this wonderful review, I\'ll get right on it! Thanks again!

 

Marie-Antoinette by Tinn Tam
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 229]

Summary: Runner-up for the QuickSilver Quills Award, categ. Best Alternate Universe

“No matter the time or place, people should never call their child Marie-Antoinette. There is no happiness in this world for a girl called Marie-Antoinette.”

1983. In a world where Voldemort has won the First War, where hope has fled from an Earth moaning under the Dark Lord's iron hand, marriages are broken and others are arranged in order to preserve the sacred purity of blood. James Potter loses his wife; now they have to find another for him.



Categories: Alternate Universe Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Substance Abuse, Violence

Word count: 50712 Chapters: 8 Completed: No
Published:
05/13/06 Updated: 07/03/08


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 07/04/08 Title: Chapter 8: The Chambermaid

Fantastic, Tinn Tam, fantastic!

I have loved this story since the first chapter. I was delighted when you decided to take it up again. It seemed like you had decided to abandon it.

This chapter introduced a whole new layer of the plot. I can't wait to see where that goes. Please keep updating! (But I know how real life can be...)

One minor correction. I noticed that in the scene with Mrs. Rocade you called the tea tray a 'tea trail.'

Bravo! I hope the next chapter comes soon.
~Fauna

 

A Broken Heart by Bryant
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 25]

Summary: Severus Snape has secretly admired Lily Evans for a while now. He risks humiliation from the two people he hates most at Hogwarts (James and Sirius), to tell Lily how he feels. Only he finds himself with a broken heart.

Categories: Marauder Era Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2069 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/14/06 Updated: 05/15/06


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 07/15/06 Title: Chapter 1: A Broken Heart

Keep writting! You did a great showing another side of Snape. Somehow he seems more human then I imagine him being even at that age, but I still love what you've done. Pax.

 

Teddy by hufflepuffgal
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 13]

Summary: A poem about one thing that Harry and Voldemort both own: a teddy bear.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 243 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/14/06 Updated: 05/16/06


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 12/25/06 Title: Chapter 1: Teddy

Sniff. What was Voldie's Teddy called? Poor Teddy.

Good job. I laughed. But I did feel sorry for the Teddy. Maybe Bellatrix will take him in. But wait... that would almost make me sorrier for Teddy!

Pax.

Author's Response: Ha! Yeah, i was trying to make the reader sad with this poem. That makes me sound mean, but I\'m not. At least i don\'t think I am. Anywho, I\'m glad that it was enjoyable.

 

The Unmendable Broken Heart by hufflepuffgal
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: This is a poem about how Ginny feels after Harry breaks up with her.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 116 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/16/06 Updated: 05/17/06


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 12/25/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Unmendable Broken Heart

Not as good as some of your other poems, but I still liked it. My main criticism is that it doesn't flow very well. Maybe it was your intent to have it a bit jerky-- none of us are eloquent when we are in the depths of misery. Is that what you were going for?

Keep writing. I like your work.

Pax.

Author's Response: Yes, the poem is sort of jerky, but that was what I was going for. I think her thought processes would not have been organized and eloquent in this time of distress, so this is how the poem can out. thanks for the review!

 

True Love? by volition112
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 27]

Summary: [One Shot] It's a hot summer day on Privet Drive and Hermione is going to help Harry move out. But she gets to talking to Dudley and... Well the question is... is it True Love?

Categories: Hermione/Other Character Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 2655 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/17/06 Updated: 05/21/06


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 08/05/06 Title: Chapter 1: True Love?

That was hilarious! It was fun because the lead up to the end was ever so subtle. I knew it was coming... almost. LOL!

Pax.

Author's Response: lol :D thank you! glad you enjoyed it ^_____^

 

Summary: Dumbledore is gone, or is he? Harry feels the weight of the world rests on his shoulders, but he is soon to learn that his brooding nature and desire to face his fate alone may be his greatest weakness. It is his emotions, or rather his capacity for emotion that makes him strong, and his relationships his greatest source of strength.

When the summer begins and he faces a fortnight with the Dursleys everything he knows, or rather thinks he knows comes into question. Can he... should he do this all alone? And is he anywhere near ready?

Hogwarts is to be re-opened, the Ministry officially endorsing it as the safest possible place to be. As his birthday approaches there are monumental surprises in store for Harry. Who is he really? And what about his family, who came before his mother and father? Why is the Potter name so famous, and yet so unknown?

Encouraged not to run off to face his fate he returns to Hogwarts for his final year, but surprises abound at the school as well.

Can Harry become the wizard he needs to be to face the Dark Lord? Will he let the people he respects and love really help him? And what of help from unexpected sources; sources he might never trust?



Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Book 7 Disregarded, Violence

Word count: 166421 Chapters: 23 Completed: No
Published:
05/19/06 Updated: 06/19/14


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 06/08/07 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

Very, very well written! The Dark Lord was very dark. ;-)

My only criticism relates to your description of the hall the second part of the chapter takes place in. I liked the snake imagery, but I had a hard time understanding the description of the pattern one the granite floor. It slowed me down when I read this chapter... I still can't grasp exactly what it should look like (I'm an architect so I get excited when authors begin describing rooms and buildings.)

I'm off to chapter two!

Pax.

Author's Response: Thank you! Hmmm, I will go back and re-read it and see what I think. I am never beyond making adjustments, and I know a lot of description was cut from my very first draft, so it is entirely possible that particular description could use some clarification.
I am very happy that you are enjoying the story and I hope you will continue to review!

 
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 06/08/07 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1 - Beyond Friendships & Chocolate Frogs

Ohhh, so clever. I always felt sure that there was something important about Dumbledore's wizard card. The famous quote "as long as they don't take me off the chocolate frog cards..." is significant! Even if JKR never uses it I'll always believe she had it in the back of her mind when she penned that line.

I liked this chapter even better then the first. The pace was right and the characters were great! Your writing style is very close to JKR's own, which is rare (in my opinion) in fan fiction. I loved the details! Ron asking Harry to turn his back when he kissed Hermione and Harry's instant recognition of Fawkes when the others jumped to fearful conclusions were all excellent touches.

I can't find anything to critique, and I try to offer suggestions for every chapter when I review. Bravo!

Pax.

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you!
Please please keep up the reviewing! I love to hear from all readers, especially those who read with a critical eye. If there is nothing in particular to comment on here... I am sure there may be in the next chapter.
I really appreciate you taking the time! Thanks again.

 
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 06/08/07 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 2 - A Little Advice

I can only say that all my praise for the last chapter applies to this chapter too! I love this story already; it will be going straight onto my favorites list.

I had trouble with two sentences:
1.) "He remembered first meeting the petite, boisterous, quick-witted girl at The Burrow who could handle all her big brothers with a steely gaze, but became tongue-tied in his presence."

I think you could play around with this sentence a bit to get it to read more easily. Also, technically, the first time Harry met Ginny was his first year on Platform 9 3/4 when she accompanied Ron and Mrs. Weasley to the Hogwart's Express.


2.) "While it is true that people you’ve loved, and who have loved you, have died, some sacrificing themselves for your protection. It is wrong to believe that you have caused it to be..."

I think this is grammatically incorrect. There should be no period after 'protection,' right?


I LOVE this story!

Pax.

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you , thank you! If you have read any of my earlier reviews, you will have picked up on two things. First; that I make every attempt to respond to every review in a way that befits the intensity of the review. And, second; that I am not above making changes to my chapters, even still.
I really do appreciate critical and thoughtful reviews. And if you have changes to suggest I always give them great consideration. So, to address your observed problems:
1.) Changed to: (I broke it into two.)
He remembered first really meeting the petite, boisterous, quick-witted girl at The Burrow. She could handle all her big brothers with a steely gaze, but became tongue-tied in his presence.

Yes it is true that Harry first encountered Ginny in the first book at King’s Cross station outside platforms nine and ten. I do not however, think it is fair to call that encounter a meeting. Re-read it, I just did, (chapter six, U.S. paperback edition, pages 92 – 98) they do not talk at all and, Ginny, while more than, merely incidental to the scene, is only overheard by Harry. To clarify I have added the word “really” to the sentence. I acknowledge your technicality, but would argue that it does not change the truth that their real “first meeting” took place later at The Burrow in the second book.
2.) Changed to:
“While it is true that people you’ve loved – and who have loved you, have died, some sacrificing themselves for your protection, it is wrong to believe that you have caused it to be,” Dumbledore paused, watching Harry closely.
I believe you are right, this really needs to be a single sentence, even though it gets to be a long one. I will make those corrections to the posted chapters.
Thank you for giving my work such a close read!
I look forward to you continued reviews, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
Thanks again!


Author's Response: Thank you, thank you , thank you! If you have read any of my earlier reviews, you will have picked up on two things. First; that I make every attempt to respond to every review in a way that befits the intensity of the review. And, second; that I am not above making changes to my chapters, even still.

I really do appreciate critical and thoughtful reviews. And if you have changes to suggest I always give them great consideration. So, to address your observed problems:

1.) Changed to:
(I broke it into two.)

He remembered first really meeting the petite, boisterous, quick-witted girl at The Burrow. She could handle all her big brothers with a steely gaze, but became tongue-tied in his presence.

Yes it is true that Harry first encountered Ginny in the first book at King’s Cross station outside platforms nine and ten. I do not however, think it is fair to call that encounter a meeting. Re-read it, I just did, (chapter six, U.S. paperback edition, pages 92 – 98) they do not talk at all and, Ginny, while more than, merely incidental to the scene, is only overheard by Harry. To clarify I have added the word “really” to the sentence. I acknowledge your technicality, but would argue that it does not change the truth that their real “first meeting” took place later at The Burrow in the second book.

2.) Changed to:

“While it is true that people you’ve loved – and who have loved you, have died, some sacrificing themselves for your protection, it is wrong to believe that you have caused it to be,” Dumbledore paused, watching Harry closely.

I believe you are right, this really needs to be a single sentence, even though it gets to be a long one. I will make those corrections to the posted chapters.

Thank you for giving my work such a close read!

I look forward to you continued reviews, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

Thanks again!

 
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 06/08/07 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 3 - Privet Perplexed

This was another exciting chapter. You have kept the pace clipping along- no time to get bored or distracted. Everyone is still perfectly in character. Excellent.

I was surprised that the Minister sent no guards at all. Harry probably ticked him off pretty bad, but he is still Harry Potter. The world would go nuts if Voldemort killed him and the Minister was to blame. But maybe Scrimgeouris a bigger fool then I thought.

In the last chapter Harry and Dumbledore were going to talk when Harry got back to the Dursleys... did Harry get to tired or something?

I'm off to the next chapter :-)

Pax.

Author's Response: Another wonderful review! I cannot thank you enough. And such high praise. I hope that I am keeping everyone in character.

But… you have a couple questions it seems…

I was surprised that the Minister sent no guards at all.

I think you are referring to the following passage and if you re-read it I think it implies very clearly that there is security present, but they are not being seen. – of course it is up to you to at this point to decide whether it is Ministry security, or maybe, members of the Order.

“Mrs. Weasley,” she said in a low whisper. Molly turned to Hermione. “I was wondering about security…for Harry,” Hermione whispered again. “Shouldn’t there be Aurors here to meet him?”

Mrs. Weasley glanced around the station slowly, turning her head a little, and stepped closer patting Hermione’s arm. “Oh, there is security here,” she whispered back. “It’s just that Harry is sort of on the outs with the Minister, so no one is supposed to be seen.”

“Oh,” Hermione responded quietly, sweeping the platform now, with her own eyes.

And, your second question.

In the last chapter Harry and Dumbledore were going to talk when Harry got back to the Dursleys... did Harry get to tired or something?

The short answer is yes… something like that, but don’t worry, they will talk. And I will want to hear exactly what you think of it when they do.

Thank you so much for taking the time!

 
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 06/08/07 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 4 - Draco Displaced

Wow! What an unexpected turn of events. I love the completely new element the jungle community adds to the story. I'm afraid I think Draco is acting very out of character, but nothing harmful to the story. As a fan fiction reader I've grown accustomed to the 'nice Draco' interpretations of his character. I think he would have shown his usual foul temper etc. upon finding himself in a secluded village (whether magical or not.) Also I find it hard to believe that he would pick up a little girl. I've known very nice young men-- who even like children-- who wouldn't pick a child up for any anything!

I still love the story and can't wait to see where is goes.

Two typos:

1.) “Nuncha, is my little sister,” -- no comma after Nuncha.

2.) "Across the room at the far end there was a low platform upon which laid Narcissa Malfoy." -- should be 'upon which lay Narcissa...'

There were a couple more I couldn't find when I went back to look. Hope you don't mind me nit-picking your story.

Pax.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks once again. I am loving your reviews! I am glad you like the completely unusual turn of events with Draco. I have to agree that Draco is acting out of character here… at least out of character according what we have seen of him in the past.

Please consider a few things though before you judge the characterization to harshly. First, everything we know of Draco has come thus far from a very Harry-sentric point of view. Second, Draco is disoriented here, and coming out of a completely traumatic – near death experience. Third, he has no idea who among these people he would choose as allies or enemies. Fourth, he is smart enough to observe and question when he finds himself in a completely alien situation. There is nothing here he knows or understands and that alone gives him the rare opportunity to allow himself to step out of the patterns of his normal behavioral reactions.br>
In any case, keep reading and we’ll see how you feel after the next Draco chapter.br>
As for the typos you found? I have made those corrections in the files and I will re-post the corrected versions soon.br>
As always thank you so much, I really appreciate your taking the time to review.

 
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 06/09/07 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 5 - Life and Learning at Privet Drive

I liked this chapter very much. The first part was a bit slow. It was hard to switch from the tension of the last chapter to the finer points of meditation sessions with Dumbledore. Overall I loved the entire chapter. Your creativity is really amazing. I love the Whisperer, it is such a clever idea. Wizards would want to send Whispers just as much as Howlers (if not more.)

I felt that the sum paid to support Harry was a bit exorbitant. You probably have a reason for picking that amount. It seems like a lot of money to raise one child, even if that child was Harry Potter. 200 Galleons is like 850 pounds a month. I only wish my allowance had been that huge growing up. I guess if you count in school tuition it isn't quite so large...

Can't wait to keep reading!

Pax.

Author's Response: You are right. This was the first chapter I wrote after my break. I had had to make an inter-state move, and changed jobs, etc., and hadn’t added a chapter for a long time. I ended up covering so much in detail that the transition between chapters is a little rough, and it is a little slow.

I just wanted to get across how much is happening in such a small amount of time. Lot’s of changes for everyone.

I love throwing in things like the Whisper, I figure there is lots of that sort of stuff in the Wizard World, and I suspect I will continue to try to pepper in these ideas as they come to me.

Yes, 200 galleons is quite a bit of money for one child, it is actually closer to $1000₤ which comes out to be about $1890 U.S. dollars. But I felt that it was still a reasonable amount given the fact that Harry is from a very wealthy family, and the expectation was that he would be taken care of in style. .

Remember though that it was intended for his care… not necessarily as an allowance, it would have afforded the Dursley’s an opportunity to move into a larger house and provide greater space for both Harry and Dudley, plus it might have allowed for private schools, etc. .

I am very happy that you are enjoying the story and I hope you continue to as you read the next few chapters. .

I am really looking forward to your next reviews. .

Thanks so much!

 

Mistakes by Bryant
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: After Severus Snape leaves Hogwarts, he joins the infamous Death Eaters in search of great rewards. Instead, he finds himself making one of the biggest mistakes of his life when he tells Voldemort something that he overheard in Hogsmeade one night. Guilt floods him when he has found out what he's done. He tries to warn Dumbledore, but finds Dumbledore's trust rigid in the rat-like traitor, Peter Petigrew. Can Snape do anything to change the terrible events that are to come? No... but he can try.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 4313 Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes
Published:
05/19/06 Updated: 06/08/06


Reviewer: FaunaCaritas Signed
Date: 07/15/06 Title: Chapter 2: The Boy Who Lived

You write well Bryant, I've read some of your other stuff too. This fic has a good start, but it almost seems like you got bored with it. The last paragraph of ch 2 especially feels like you ran out of energy. It seems like you started summing everything up in individual sentences that should have been given more attention.

Pax!

 
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Dark Enough To See The Stars by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Scorpius is looking for answers in the constellation that bears his name. He...
The Ties That Bind by Nagini Riddle 3rd-5th Years
"Life is short, but this time it was biggerThan the strength he had to get up...
Pearls Mean Tears by Nagini Riddle 3rd-5th Years
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me overBut had me believing...
FEATURED
Turn to Stone by iLuna17 1st-2nd Years
One summer's night in Hogwarts, two statues are given one night to be human.
Ashes of the Past by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Viktor carries the memory of Grindelwald's path of destruction, passed down...
What War Takes by WeasleyMom 6th-7th Years
War takes things and keeps on taking them, and the things it takes don't come...
The Observer Effect by Squibstress 6th-7th Years
Minerva is a watcher. Mostly, she watches Severus. She sees through a glass...
CATEGORIES