Thank you for stopping by. I sincerely hope that you will read my work, give me some advice, and check out my favorites list.
I am a proud member of Ravenclaw house.
On Broken Wings
A Charlie/Hermione romance.
At the End Comes the Beginning
A poem about the journey to the Afterlife.
A four founders tale.
Will Alice ever recover her sanity?
Myth and Mystery
Alice is swept into a hair-raising adventure.
Flight, Fright, and Fight
Narcissa must learn to fight for her identity.
Very funny. I laughed a lot. Try your hand at more humor.
Remus was OOC (in my 'umble little opinion), but that is fine in a humor story. Bravo on all the punch lines. I giggled insanely at the thought of Remus' face when 'you' asked if anyone ever buttered his muffin. *goes off into gales of laughter once more*
ohhh, hahahaha...Pax... haaahaa!
Author's Response: Haha, thanks very much!
Yes, I know Remus is OOC. *punches thigh* Its hard not to make him that way when dealing with a crazed fan who uses tons of innuendo (me). =]
Thanks again. I\'m finding that I highly enjoy humour.
Ohhh, so sad. You made me feel bad for those two. Good job with the imagery. Although I don't think Draco and Pansy were really in character (as JKR depicts them, that is) I thought you did a good job of staying consistent throughout the story.
Keep writing stories.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the nice review. I can see where you\'re coming from, about Draco and Pansy\'s characterizations, but the books are told from Harry\'s PoV. Draco and Pansy are not as one-sided as Harry would like to think they are. ;) I\'m glad you enjoyed, thanks again! :D
That was a good challenge prompt. I could sort of tell you hadn't put quite as much work into this story as you have into some of your others. It could use some polishing in places. For example small things like using 'scarlet' twice in adjacent paragraphs when describing the Gryffindor table or describing them as a black and scarlet mass (there would have been just as much gold as scarlet.) But this is just minor nit-picking.
I know this is totally branching away from the direction given by the challenge, but have you thought about adding a short epilogue? The story would feel more complete if it had a more solid resolution. It might be cool to have James (still a Slytherin, etc.) apologize in seventh year or, perhaps better yet, see him like entering the service of Voldemort and reflecting on what led him to that decision... I'll bet you see where I'm going. There are all sorts of options. Anyways, it was just a thought.
I am so sad! I just finished the last of your work on this site. Do you have any other stories elsewhere? It so hard to find good new stories by authors I like.
Author's Response: Thanks very much for the detailed review! People who review with details about the story make my life!
Yes, this story is not one of my favourites, not by far. I was trying to get it accepted only a few hours before the challenge was closed.
Hmm...that actually sounds like a very good idea! I don\'t know if it would either be an adjacent chapter or an epilogue, considering it is only a one-shot, but never the less, I like the idea. It will possible take awhile to have it out, but I\'ll begin working on it. Thanks for the great idea!
I\'m sorry to say that I do not have any more stories on other sites. I really like the way MNFF is set up, and every other HP Fanfiction site seems disorganized, or they let in any story, no matter how bad it is.
Not to worry though, I have quite a few stories coming out pretty soon, considering it is summer and I have all the time in the world to write! =]
Hahaha! That was awesome. I loved the description, and the idea was very clever. I loved hearing the story from Colin's perspective. Ron and Hermione where so truly in character. Oh, and the touch with Harry coming in and asking what he had missed was perfect!
Reading super critically I would only offer one suggestion. You described Hermione's anger a few too many times. Good powers of description are hard to find-- and your descriptions are great. But economy is the best policy. After a point it stopped being funny and became repetitive. Hope you don't mind a little cc. I think your story is super.
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
Unlike some, I love to be critiqued. It helps me grow as a writer, and I love learning what I can do to help my readers enjoy my stories more. So, thanks so much! The better the critiquer, the better my writing!
Oh, and I am delighted that you find me such a good author! *blushes and giggles*
Infinite x\'s and o\'s!
You are now on my fav. authors list! Right up there with Melindaleo/Mudblood428/etc.
Author's Response: Thanks! I mentioned it in my below response, but here it is again! =]
Cute! A nice happy little background story. I'll admit, I don't like weasels, but I like Weasleys! The names match, and so the imagery works. The animals obviously were influenced by the magic of Hogwarts (or something else) since wild animals don't behave that way. I thought that was an interesting pivot point for the story. It seems like Patronuses are heavily influenced by one's friendships/fears/etc. because Harry's is his father in Animagus form and Cho's is a swan-- a creature famous for mourning and never mating again if it loses its partner.
Anyway, good job .....and thanks. ;-)
Author's Response: Hey Pax!
You know I just adore your reviews, right? This one I\'m adding to my little collection! Haha, totally kidding. You know, I think you know the way my stories work perfectly. You always read them how I want my readers to understand them. And for that, you, along with Lindsey and Kelsey (my betas) aremy favourite person on MNFF!
What a beautiful story. You've captured the subtle magic of the winter season. I adore the slight touch of a Dickensy 'Bah, Humbug!' from Minerva on the idea of snowball fights.
I have an endearing image of Minerva, hopping towards the door pulling on her boot, not even realizing that she really is delighted to be going on a walk with Oliver. I can see the youthful faces, with their spectacles sliding down their noses as they study in the library, and I can see Minerva nudging a plate of food closer to her skinny friend. You have given me a special treat!
~ The Order of Ravenclaw House Elves
I just finished reading In the Eyes of Others, A Different Sort of Peace, and this epilogue in order. I think you have written one of my favorite fan fictions of all time. The detail and power of your story riveted me completely. I won't try to say everything I liked about the story-- this review would span several pages if I tried. I just want to say thank you for sharing your stories with us, your readers. I enjoyed this saga so very much.
I do have to comment on my favorite element of your story. You gave it a happy ending without spoiling the story in the least. So many stories "happy endings" are stilted, cumbersome things. (I have to confess I even found DH somewhat lacking in believability.) Your imagination has crafted an ending that suits your Severus perfectly. When I finished ItEoO I thought your story ended. That left me terribly sad. When I realized that Severus had the chance of a new lease on life I was content. And when I finally finished this epilogue I was "at peace." The story glided smoothly from the beginning to the end; it formed a cohesive, satisfactory whole. All I can do is say thank you one more time.
Yay! I was desperately eager for a story about Lillian. This is a very promising beginning. I can't wait for chapter 5.
I loved it! You did a great job of coming up with a challenge that seemed appropriate for the Tri Wizard tournament. I know that can be difficult, since I once thought about writting a Tri-fic. Anyway, good show. I thought it was a fun chappie.
I also liked the wings. Exactly what I would have done. I am a bit surprised more wizards/witches don't try it. As soon as I read the books for the first time my imadiate question was "Why don't they magically give themselves wings?"
Now I don't want to sound like a goodie-two-shoes, but I don't like it when the hero/heroine cheats. Felix is banned. Why is she using it? Because she is her father's daughter? It would be nice to see the situation sorted out, for good or ill. I'm not sure exactly what I am trying to say, but right now the Felix has me uneasy. Will she get away with it? Will she get caught? What will McG do when she finds out?
I continue to like Lillian's character-- the subtle bled of her mother and father is perfect! I can't wait to see where this fic will go.
I enjoyed you story immensely. The narrative ran smoothly from start to finish. The slow introduction of the main character was very well done. I was wondering who he was right up until the revelation.
I liked your choice to look past the stereo-typed portrayals of these two characters. There is so much behind the manufactured image everyone makes for themselves. I think you unveiled a much deeper side to them, and you did it well.
I really have no critiques to offer. Keep writing (I hardly have to tell you that, lol) and keep exploring new depths of plot and characterization.
By the way, I found this story through the banner in your signature.
Great work. I thought you did an excellent job 'painting' the character of Rhianna Burke in a few deft brushstrokes. One or two lines only, but the reader gets a very good picture of her. She is perfectly Slytherin... I like the idea of her toasting her victory. She makes the perfect lawyer for Lucius.
I thought you did a great job with the 'closing in for the kill' argument. I confess it would not have convinced me, had I been on the jury, but I think it would have had a good chance of swaying most of the crowd. I think Malfoy should have served his time. I mean, among other things, he tried to get muggle-borns exterminated by giving Ginny Lord V's diary.
That leads me to my criticism. I highly doubt Harry would have forgotten to mention this. Harry would have insisted on giving the whole story... but is a point of opinion, not of fact. You did a great job offering Harry the 'gratitude' motive. Personally I think Narcissa and Draco would be better off without the scheming head of the Malfoy family... :-) But there I go giving my opinion again.
Excellent work! Hugs from a fellow Ravenclaw.
Author's Response: Wow Fauna! Thank you so much for leaving such an excellent review! I appreciate that you gave good, solid con-crit regarding Harry. Your comments and suggestions all help me know what to focus on in my fics in the future and they all help make me a better writer. Thank you for the time and thoughtfulness you put into first reading my fic, then leaving a very helpful review. It means so much so much to me!! *hugs* ~Andrea
That was awesome! You had some really original ideas. I loved the fact that George had locked Fred away in his heart until they could take the journey into the afterlife together.
My favorite part of the whole story was the last line. By saying nothing you say everything!
Quote: "He shut his eyes contentedly and when he opened them again, the room at the Burrow was gone." Leaving the story that way means that the reader's imagination can take flight!
My criticisms: I wasn't really clear about were Fred was that whole time.... I know I said before he was locked in George's heart, but that was just my best guess. I wasn't sure if that is what you meant. I would suggest clarifying what happened by making their conversation in the last scene a bit easier to understand.
I think you could also use one or two more instances of George 'speaking' to Fred-- just so that it is (again) easier for the reader to slowly catch on to what is happening. I also felt like George would think about/talk to 'dead Fred' quite a bit... they were twins. And wouldn't Fred try to talk back? Once Fred realized what was going on wouldn't he have tried to talk to his brother, albeit in a singular manner. People sometimes say they can sort of hear their loved ones talking to them in their heart after they are gone......
I have rambled unintentionally into speculation. Ahm. *closes eyes briefly, opens again* I am better now.
Bravo and best of luck in the challenge, fellow 'Claw! I liked your story very much.
Author's Response: Well, I was actually sort of half-hoping that people would come to their own conclusions about why Fred was locked in the bedroom. But I think what I had in mind while I was writing is that he was locked in the bedroom because he was waiting for George, so I think your speculation works. :) I think I have a bad habit of not explaining myself fully epsecially in stories such as this one which leads to reviews saying that people found it confusing. It\'s something I\'ve been trying to work on lately. :) Thanks for your review! :) Tash
I hope you don't mind a slightly disappointed review...
I thought you made some interesting points, but the fic didn't seem to meet the challenge prompt. An epilogue usually tends to resolve a story rather then blow it wide open. (Please keep in mind this is just my opinion. To each their own.) I felt like this version of events left dozens of questions hanging. Most importantly, what happened to Harry? I was also left wondering what on earth caused his actions. You didn't say when he killed Lucius, so I wasn't sure if it was five years ago (when the change came over him) or whether it was long before that.
I thought that the story was a bit choppy. There was a lot of room, given your ideas, to expand on Harry and Ginny's thoughts and emotions. I don't insist that the epilogue be all happy and flowery (in fact I admire the fact that you choose the opposite route) but if you are going to make it angsty/dark it needs more development and exploration. 'Fluff' doesn't require as much attention to detail/careful character developement/reflection; hence the term 'fluff.' You struck out in a completely new direction-- bravo-- but now the fic needs to be fleshed out and polished.
And I think it is a contradiction for Harry to say that he 'killed Lucius Malfoy in cold blood' when later he says he 'killed him when he was extremely upset.' Harry might be emotionally confused, but as a character he should remain consistent. Once again, I admire that you chose to portray Harry in a completely new light, but I encourage you to make the 'new Harry' a believable one.
I think you have a great idea going here, you just needed to take more time explaining it/laying it out for the reader. 1,900 words just aren't enough for something this huge!
I hope my criticism helps... and I truly hope I don't sound mean. *offers bar of Honeyduke's Chocolate*
Author's Response: Fauna, don\'t worry about sounding mean. You are completely entitled to your own opinion, and I am sorry that I you were not completely satisfied with this fic. Now, you say that there was plenty of room for Harry and Ginny\'s emotions and feelings. While you are right, I would like to draw your attention to the real epilogue. How much do we know from that? In reality, because I was writing an epilogue, I tried to make it similar to Jo\'s work. Meaning, we only know some of Harry\'s thoughts and some emotions. Also, this happens to be part of the Ellie Vicky and Ellie Cathy series, and if you read \"A Malfoy and a Potter,\" you\'ll find hints that Harry is back with his family. Thank you very much for your review, and don\'t worry, I\'m not upset with you :) Kate
That was beautiful. You captured the slightly surreal aura of the place. The story feels dreamlike... the part that seems most like reality is when he remembers Anita's death. Poor little Regulus.
One thing I would have liked to see was Regulus' rage. You mention it and then switch abruptly back to 'heaven.' Stylistically that is your choice, but I was left wanting to know what happened. Maybe that is what you intended.
Awesome challenge entry. Best of luck!
*hug for fellow 'Claw*
I liked the story. You really did a great job. I enjoyed it from start to close. Hermione the vampire is such an interesting concept... it is so completely the antithesis of her normal nature.
I especially liked your story because:
1. Your descriptions were excellent. You made them fresh and original, used a broad but not pompous vocabulary, and you didn't go on and on forever. That takes both skill and restraint.
2. Your plot was clever, engaging, and had a fun twist. Bravo.
I had a couple of (I hope) constructive criticisms:
1. Your characters sometimes bordered on occness... not majorly, mind, but occasionally I thought Severus was too sweet or Hermione was too childish. Severus was at his best when he was feeling snarky. When he started falling in love with Hermione the change happened too rapidly. But I am being hypercritical.
2. I think you could have drawn out the story a bit. The 'falling in love' happened so fast. I didn't feel like you laid enough groundwork for their romance. It boiled down to Severus feeling protective and Hermione feeling lonely, (with mutual respect on both sides). That is a good start, but it needed more.
3. The 'Lucius-is-good' was too far out there for me. This is the guy who wanted all the mudbloods petrified... I just couldn't see it. But maybe that is just me.
Anyway... I'll quit my ramblings. I really loved your story. Please write more! Your descriptions are a true joy to read. I savored every detail.
May the Muse ramble your way often and untiringly!
Author's Response: Thank you. I am always happy when I can get someone to think about my story. I do appreciate criticism (as long as it is constructive, which yours is), as it helps me to improve on my shortcomings. I solemnly swear to do better next time!
You. Are. Bloody. Brilliant.
Nothing can describe how much I love your 'trilogy.' You captured Remus, Tonks, and Teddy to the point of perfection. I've been part of your fan crew for over a year now-- waiting for each chapter, hanging on the edge of my chair at every tense moment, and whooping out loud at the joy-filled ending.
I am in awe of your plot genius. You came up with a cannon way to save them, and I do not feel like you missed a single detail. The magical theory was well thought through. There were no gaping plot holes, no stretches for my imagination... you pulled it off perfectly. Does your muse hire out? Can she sometimes be discovered on vacation in a tropical location known to only a select few? I would like to beg borrow or steal her... temporarily, of course.
I beg that you write more. Hopefully you have something already planned. Please don't give up fan fiction. If this series has reached its final end, perhaps something new? I can't imagine no more Pallas-y perfection!
Thank you for every tear, every laugh, and every memory.
I knew they wouldn't die, but that didn't stop me crying like a baby through the whole scene.
Can't wait to hear what Penny will say!
Oh no! ohnoohnoohnoohnonononoooo!
What a cliff-hanger! Agh! I sincerely hope you update soon, because otherwise I will have to chase you with a giant frozen salmon. Believe me, frozen salmon is not something you want to be bopped over the head with, so take my advice and update.
On a slightly more sane note, once again I want to compliment your writing style, you superb dialogue, and your amazing descriptive powers. I have followed this series for some time now, and your genius never ceases to amaze me.
Thank you for all the hard work and love you put into these stories.
Well done. I liked the new perspective. Rodolphus is a pretty tragic character-- and what a scary love triangle! Who wants the one they love to be obsessed with Voldemort. *shudders*
I also felt sorry for Bellatrix in a way. She doesn't seem to have control over her obsession; she is ultimately powerless. I always wondered if Voldemort bound her to himself on purpose, knowing what a powerful witch and ally she would make.
Have you thought about adding a second chapter taking events up to the end of the series? I think this one-shot stands on its own just fine without it, but there is a lot of information post-Azkaban that would be very interesting to see in this new light.
Author's Response: Death-Eater love triangles might be creepy, but theyíre still insanely interesting. As for Rodolphus, writing this fic has definitely made him my favourite minor character by far. I think Voldemort knew what an asset Bella could be for him, and thatís why he kept her around. He probably even trained her a bit, too. I mean, the Death Eaters arenít usually as close to Voldemort as she is. As for making this a two-shot, I donít think so. But you never know! ^_~ I did write another Bellatrix one-shot. Itís right after Voldemort is defeated, and when she goes to torture the Longbottoms. Is way creepier and much more dark (since it is written from her POV). I hope youíll read that when it gets validated! Thanks for the great review!