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On Broken Wings
A Charlie/Hermione romance.
At the End Comes the Beginning
A poem about the journey to the Afterlife.
A four founders tale.
Will Alice ever recover her sanity?
Myth and Mystery
Alice is swept into a hair-raising adventure.
Flight, Fright, and Fight
Narcissa must learn to fight for her identity.
Summary: Irene Mahavior had always taken a fancy to the quiet Remus Lupin. She liked the soft spoken boy, as she had grown up with her rather raucous Irish family. Irene couldn’t though, for the life of her, figure out where Remus disappeared to once a month. Not thinking anything of it, Irene decided to take a moonlit stroll out on the grounds one night. This one mere urge would seal her fate forever.
Oh man! I'm dying to know what will happen next. What a cliff hanger. Yikes.
Based on what we know from PoA it would be right to say that Remus never mauled anyone. But it makes for a very interesting AU plot line. He is going to be so guilt-stricken when the sun rises (unless no one tells him.)
Eek! Please update! I want to know how Irene handles her new curse.
BTW, I (once again) have to say how much I love your details! The whole 'frummpy day' thing was so completely realistic. The idea of a red-headed girl in a pink hoodie! Holy cats, that had to be a sight to behold.
Another awesome story, beauty and brains!
Author's Response: Hehe, this review brought a HUGE smile to my face! =]
I wasn\'t exactly sure how readers were going to take this story, seeing as it is way off in cannon. So far though, I have gotten good reports, so I\'m happy.
Irene Mahavior really came to me when I was talking to my dad about our heritage. I\'m an Irish/Scot/Greek/English mix. We were, at the time, watching the very old movie Far and Away, and the Irish girl appealed to me, and so we have Irene Mahavior.
Yes, the whole frumpy day came from me, and my own experiences. At least once a week, I would go to school in either sweats and a hoodie or jeans and a short bathrobe. These were my lazy days, and the teachers despised me for them.
Summary: Cho Chang is in an abusive relationship with a person she loves more than herself.
2nd Place in the Spring Challenges, *To Laugh or Cry* prompt, by BloodRayne of Gryffindor.
Poor Cho. I think you choose the right female HP character for this story. She is an emotionally broken girl, and I don't think anyone cared for her properly after Cedric died.
This story felt like a cautionary tale, and I don't mean that in a bad way. You never once had to say 'Cho is being manipulated,' we just knew it was true. It is such a shame no one really understood her. Even her mother didn't seem to be handling the problem as well as she should have.
I liked the fact that you ended the story where you did. The reader feels sure that she will either loose the baby or mother and child will continue to suffer abuse. Hopefully someone will eventually really help her heal her heart and mind.
Anyway, these are probably things you know already. After all you are the author!
Thanks for the great read, BloodRayne.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words, Fauna!
Summary: Circe. How little do we know about this Greek goddess. She could turn grown men, strong enough to lift ten oxen, into beasts by herself. She was gorgeous. When the men wandered onto her lonely island of Aeaea, all they could do was stare at her beauty and grace.
When David, the leader of his own ship, on the hunt for treasures, awakes on her island to find three maidens standing before him, beckoning him to Circe's palace, he refuses, yet his men follow. He has no other choice but to go along.
Circe eventually tries to pull him into her bed, yet David refuses; he has a wife and child coming at home, and he is not the type of man to betray her.
But Circe always gets what she wants.
This is an entry by Ron x Hermione of Hufflepuff for the Wizard Card prompt. I am using the all-mighty maiden Circe.
I don't like to be negative, but this was not a well written story. There were numerous grammatical errors. Sometimes I wasn't sure what a sentence was supposed to mean. (Example 1: quote: "The men resumed speaking for what felt like ten minutes to the women because they enjoyed watching so, to what really was hours." Example 2: quote: "She was expecting, and he reviled to leave her in this time...")
Some of the images you used were interesting and beautiful. This story would really improve if you got a new beta to read it and give you some advice. Good luck!
Author's Response: Okay . . . I think I had a wonderful beta. I understand your concern for perhaps some of the sentences, but if you would have read them carefully, you would have seen the meaning more in depth. In the second sentence, She was expecting to have a baby, and he reviled (hated) to leave her during that time. I\'m not sure what you meant by that. I can faintly understand about the first sentence, but if you would have read it more closely, the men spoke for hours and hours, but it only felt like a few minutes because the girls enjoyed watching it. Time flies when you\'re having fun, dear. I hope this explained it more. ~Lindsey :(
Summary: Ginny Weasley doesn't mean to hear the conversation between Ron, Hermione and Harry. She doesn't want to know that Harry is kissing girls after D.A. meetings. But with Cho Chang very much a part of Harry's life, Ginny must face her own feelings for Harry.
This is for the 'Spring Challenge: A Different Viewpoint'. I am kask of Slytherin.
I loved it! A clever missing moment idea-- it crossed my mind once, and I'm thrilled an author decided to write it and do such a good job. It seems kind of rare to find fan fics about Ginny when he was running after Cho. Poor kid, it must have hurt.
I loved the last line. A very 'in character' thought for Ginny to have. She is a fighter.
Anyway, all the best.
Author's Response: Thanks! :D
Summary: There are stories missing in the life of Remus Lupin. Between the sudden upheaval of war, the loss of many friends and later returning to Hogwarts as a professor, the years in between are a mystery. This one-shot explores one moment of struggle in his desires to have a "normal" life. What happens to the man when his world shatters . . . again? Who will help the man pick up the pieces and keep moving?
I admit, I did find the characters OOC. However, I still enjoyed this one shot (it is a one shot, right?). The great bits were in the details-- like Remus answering Severus with a big X rather then a hurried word, or Severus snapping at his students when he was preoccupied with his friend's odd response. Little things like that really make a story come to life. Overall I felt like the story belonged in the AU category (which is not a criticism of the style-- I love AU, it is an area where authors really get a chance to try their wings.) I can't see JKRowling's Remus and Severus ever being so close given their attitudes towards each other in HP I-VI. Still, I suppose people can always change with time.
Bravo! Please write more stories.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! :) Yes, it is a one-shot - nothing else has caught enough interest to continue it. One of the things I love about writing is the ability to play with one\'s imagination and there are many who will say I have an active imagination. I do tend to write with details in mind - I think the few out there that I beta for know this quite well because I\'m always asking them to describe details! I knew some people would find Remus and Severus OOC because of how JKR presents them, but I\'m glad you still liked the story. AU . . . I\'ll have to consider that - but yes, people can and do change over time. There are still many unknowns in JKR\'s world. Again, thanks for the review!
Summary: There are many hidden secrets deep within the Department of Mysteries, few of which we will ever know. Helga thought there might be a room for her to fulfill her darkest wish- revenge. Someone close to her heart was murdered, and she intends to find a way to punish the murderer.
I am beauty and brains of Gryffindor House.
Won second place in the fourth Gauntlet Challenge!
Seems very interesting... you have me wondering what has happened and where the story is going. It is a bit hard to get into right now because, as a reader, I have no idea what to think yet. The writing seems good, so I'll give chapter 2 a go.
Missing letter: "But I also know that you cannot continue on with this train of hatred that you old against Rowena." old --> hold
You have probably got used to me by now. I'm going through all your stories. I try to review everything I read (unless I absolutlely hate it-- NOT the case with your stuff.)
You have lots of talent. More stories, please!
Author's Response: Gracias senorita!
Yes, this is another story that I think I did not do my best on. It was for the Gauntlet Challenge, so I have no idea how I placed a second. I was extremely shocked.
Oh, and thanks also for the correction. *fixing now*
You have a big imagination. I am impressed.
Is the mirror room connected to the mirror of Erised?
I'm off to chapter 3. I am very eager to see what all these rooms are leading up to, and also learning what Rowena did to Helga and Godric.
Author's Response: Thanks thanks thanks!
Have I mentioned yet that I adore your reviews?
Interesting... what was the challenge? I liked how you laid out the story and carried it through. The very last room really baffeled me. What was it supposed to do/be?
Well, I liked the story. It would have felt more natural in the context of a longer story. It was hard to relate to Helga because there was no initial 'build up' of her character. Let me try to clarify... In your story 'A Letter Never Read' we get introduced to Harriet slowly-- we learn about her 'Ronish' traits and her 'Hermioneish' traits. That makes us care about her-- feel her loneliness, etc. In this story I didn't start caring about Helga's feelings until the middle of chapter 2.
Probably these thoughts don't relate to this story because of its 'gauntlet challenge' nature. You don't have any problem building up lovable, believable characters in your other stories.
One minor thing had me confused. When Helga is in the last room you write: "I’m going to die, Helga thought, panic completely taking over her mind. She tried to run forward, but found that she was unable to move anymore. Suddenly, a noise just to her left caught Helga attention, and she was able to struggle forward toward it. She wasn’t frightened in the least. She just wanted an escape." --- Doesn't that seem like a contradiction? Panic is overtaking her but she is not frightened in the least? Panic and fright are not identical, but I usually do not have one without the other.
Hmm, I can't think of anything else to say. I think I only have one or two of your stories left to read. I will be sad to reach the end of your writings so far. Maybe you could write another story very soon or post another chapter of 'Lovers in the Moonlight,' pretty, pretty, please?
Author's Response: The challenge was to pick any cannon character and have them go through the Department of Mysteries. We were given a new room each time we completed the previous one. The last room I had a bit of trouble with. We were only given that it was a completely black room with tons of pressure. I wasn\'t very sure of how to write it, so...
I think I was indicating that she wasn\'t afraid of what she would find, as she was already terrified.
Yes, yes more are on their way! As is another chapter os Lovers in the Moonlight. I had to take a long break from that to write this and the May One-shot Challenge.
Thanks for the great review!
Summary: I, Ashley Elizabeth, Special Correspondent and Junior Assistant to Rita Skeeter, am about to embark on my first ever interview with one Remus Lupin. My task is to document the life and troubles of how a werewolf copes in these dark times. I only hope that this Lupin isn’t a good looking chap, because I have been known to go on tangents with the male species. Let us pray.
Very funny. I laughed a lot. Try your hand at more humor.
Remus was OOC (in my 'umble little opinion), but that is fine in a humor story. Bravo on all the punch lines. I giggled insanely at the thought of Remus' face when 'you' asked if anyone ever buttered his muffin. *goes off into gales of laughter once more*
ohhh, hahahaha...Pax... haaahaa!
Author's Response: Haha, thanks very much!
Yes, I know Remus is OOC. *punches thigh* Its hard not to make him that way when dealing with a crazed fan who uses tons of innuendo (me). =]
Thanks again. I\'m finding that I highly enjoy humour.
Summary: Draco has lived a dull, solitary life under the Dark Lord's rule for the past two years. One night Pansy Parkinson steps into his life, changing everything he knows. Draco/Pansy one-shot.
This was written originally for wendelin the wierd's First Year Romance class, as the final assignment for that class.
Ohhh, so sad. You made me feel bad for those two. Good job with the imagery. Although I don't think Draco and Pansy were really in character (as JKR depicts them, that is) I thought you did a good job of staying consistent throughout the story.
Keep writing stories.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the nice review. I can see where you\'re coming from, about Draco and Pansy\'s characterizations, but the books are told from Harry\'s PoV. Draco and Pansy are not as one-sided as Harry would like to think they are. ;) I\'m glad you enjoyed, thanks again! :D
Summary: If James Potter had been a Slytherin, what would he have done to make Lily hate him?
I am beauty and brains of Gryffindor House for the May One-Shot Challenge.
That was a good challenge prompt. I could sort of tell you hadn't put quite as much work into this story as you have into some of your others. It could use some polishing in places. For example small things like using 'scarlet' twice in adjacent paragraphs when describing the Gryffindor table or describing them as a black and scarlet mass (there would have been just as much gold as scarlet.) But this is just minor nit-picking.
I know this is totally branching away from the direction given by the challenge, but have you thought about adding a short epilogue? The story would feel more complete if it had a more solid resolution. It might be cool to have James (still a Slytherin, etc.) apologize in seventh year or, perhaps better yet, see him like entering the service of Voldemort and reflecting on what led him to that decision... I'll bet you see where I'm going. There are all sorts of options. Anyways, it was just a thought.
I am so sad! I just finished the last of your work on this site. Do you have any other stories elsewhere? It so hard to find good new stories by authors I like.
Author's Response: Thanks very much for the detailed review! People who review with details about the story make my life!
Yes, this story is not one of my favourites, not by far. I was trying to get it accepted only a few hours before the challenge was closed.
Hmm...that actually sounds like a very good idea! I don\'t know if it would either be an adjacent chapter or an epilogue, considering it is only a one-shot, but never the less, I like the idea. It will possible take awhile to have it out, but I\'ll begin working on it. Thanks for the great idea!
I\'m sorry to say that I do not have any more stories on other sites. I really like the way MNFF is set up, and every other HP Fanfiction site seems disorganized, or they let in any story, no matter how bad it is.
Not to worry though, I have quite a few stories coming out pretty soon, considering it is summer and I have all the time in the world to write! =]
Summary: Ever wonder how Ron and Hermione really got together? How constant fighting seemed to lead to a romance? What happens when a letter to a certain Durmstrang student sends a certain Gryffindor over the edge? Join Ron and Hermione on the night they came together, and the pumpkin pasties that seem to get in the way. All told from Colin Creevey’s point of view, of course!
Hahaha! That was awesome. I loved the description, and the idea was very clever. I loved hearing the story from Colin's perspective. Ron and Hermione where so truly in character. Oh, and the touch with Harry coming in and asking what he had missed was perfect!
Reading super critically I would only offer one suggestion. You described Hermione's anger a few too many times. Good powers of description are hard to find-- and your descriptions are great. But economy is the best policy. After a point it stopped being funny and became repetitive. Hope you don't mind a little cc. I think your story is super.
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
Unlike some, I love to be critiqued. It helps me grow as a writer, and I love learning what I can do to help my readers enjoy my stories more. So, thanks so much! The better the critiquer, the better my writing!
Oh, and I am delighted that you find me such a good author! *blushes and giggles*
Infinite x\'s and o\'s!
You are now on my fav. authors list! Right up there with Melindaleo/Mudblood428/etc.
Author's Response: Thanks! I mentioned it in my below response, but here it is again! =]
Summary: As Ron tries out his hand at Patronuses during the last D.A. meeting, a memory comes to mind that still brings a smile to his face.
I am beauty and brains of Gryffindor for the June One-Shot Challenge.
Cute! A nice happy little background story. I'll admit, I don't like weasels, but I like Weasleys! The names match, and so the imagery works. The animals obviously were influenced by the magic of Hogwarts (or something else) since wild animals don't behave that way. I thought that was an interesting pivot point for the story. It seems like Patronuses are heavily influenced by one's friendships/fears/etc. because Harry's is his father in Animagus form and Cho's is a swan-- a creature famous for mourning and never mating again if it loses its partner.
Anyway, good job .....and thanks. ;-)
Author's Response: Hey Pax!
You know I just adore your reviews, right? This one I\'m adding to my little collection! Haha, totally kidding. You know, I think you know the way my stories work perfectly. You always read them how I want my readers to understand them. And for that, you, along with Lindsey and Kelsey (my betas) aremy favourite person on MNFF!
Summary: After struggling to balance Headmistress duties and Transfiguration classes, Minerva McGonagall is ready to find another Transfiguration professor for the second half of the school year. Before the first interviewee arrives, Professor McGonagall finds some quiet time to lose herself in her own memories about a love long gone.
What a beautiful story. You've captured the subtle magic of the winter season. I adore the slight touch of a Dickensy 'Bah, Humbug!' from Minerva on the idea of snowball fights.
I have an endearing image of Minerva, hopping towards the door pulling on her boot, not even realizing that she really is delighted to be going on a walk with Oliver. I can see the youthful faces, with their spectacles sliding down their noses as they study in the library, and I can see Minerva nudging a plate of food closer to her skinny friend. You have given me a special treat!
~ The Order of Ravenclaw House Elves
Summary: Ginny searches for the perfect present for the most difficult man on her list: her husband.
This is a sequel to "A Different Sort of Peace." It would be wise to read that first!
I just finished reading In the Eyes of Others, A Different Sort of Peace, and this epilogue in order. I think you have written one of my favorite fan fictions of all time. The detail and power of your story riveted me completely. I won't try to say everything I liked about the story-- this review would span several pages if I tried. I just want to say thank you for sharing your stories with us, your readers. I enjoyed this saga so very much.
I do have to comment on my favorite element of your story. You gave it a happy ending without spoiling the story in the least. So many stories "happy endings" are stilted, cumbersome things. (I have to confess I even found DH somewhat lacking in believability.) Your imagination has crafted an ending that suits your Severus perfectly. When I finished ItEoO I thought your story ended. That left me terribly sad. When I realized that Severus had the chance of a new lease on life I was content. And when I finally finished this epilogue I was "at peace." The story glided smoothly from the beginning to the end; it formed a cohesive, satisfactory whole. All I can do is say thank you one more time.
Summary: Lillian Howell, sixth year Ravenclaw, is one of Hogwarts' entrants in the Triwizard tournament. She travels to Durmstrang to face conundrums, explore new friendships, and dare that biggest mystery of all -- boys!
This was an entry in the Triwizard challenge by Vindictus Viridian of Ravenclaw House. Everything and a hamster Animagus may occur within these screens.
Yay! I was desperately eager for a story about Lillian. This is a very promising beginning. I can't wait for chapter 5.
I loved it! You did a great job of coming up with a challenge that seemed appropriate for the Tri Wizard tournament. I know that can be difficult, since I once thought about writting a Tri-fic. Anyway, good show. I thought it was a fun chappie.
I also liked the wings. Exactly what I would have done. I am a bit surprised more wizards/witches don't try it. As soon as I read the books for the first time my imadiate question was "Why don't they magically give themselves wings?"
Now I don't want to sound like a goodie-two-shoes, but I don't like it when the hero/heroine cheats. Felix is banned. Why is she using it? Because she is her father's daughter? It would be nice to see the situation sorted out, for good or ill. I'm not sure exactly what I am trying to say, but right now the Felix has me uneasy. Will she get away with it? Will she get caught? What will McG do when she finds out?
I continue to like Lillian's character-- the subtle bled of her mother and father is perfect! I can't wait to see where this fic will go.
Summary: “Nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret.”
A late night stroll to clear the mind leads to an unlikely conversation between two friends, where walls that have spent years being built up are suddenly torn down.
Edit: Nominated for "Best Non-Canon Romance" in the 2008 QSQ Awards
I enjoyed you story immensely. The narrative ran smoothly from start to finish. The slow introduction of the main character was very well done. I was wondering who he was right up until the revelation.
I liked your choice to look past the stereo-typed portrayals of these two characters. There is so much behind the manufactured image everyone makes for themselves. I think you unveiled a much deeper side to them, and you did it well.
I really have no critiques to offer. Keep writing (I hardly have to tell you that, lol) and keep exploring new depths of plot and characterization.
By the way, I found this story through the banner in your signature.
Summary: Defense Barrister Rhianna Burke knows she has what it takes to save her client from Azkaban - her gift for words and her surprise witness.
**submitted for the August One-Shot Challenge: Lucius Malfoy by red and gold of Ravenclaw**
Great work. I thought you did an excellent job 'painting' the character of Rhianna Burke in a few deft brushstrokes. One or two lines only, but the reader gets a very good picture of her. She is perfectly Slytherin... I like the idea of her toasting her victory. She makes the perfect lawyer for Lucius.
I thought you did a great job with the 'closing in for the kill' argument. I confess it would not have convinced me, had I been on the jury, but I think it would have had a good chance of swaying most of the crowd. I think Malfoy should have served his time. I mean, among other things, he tried to get muggle-borns exterminated by giving Ginny Lord V's diary.
That leads me to my criticism. I highly doubt Harry would have forgotten to mention this. Harry would have insisted on giving the whole story... but is a point of opinion, not of fact. You did a great job offering Harry the 'gratitude' motive. Personally I think Narcissa and Draco would be better off without the scheming head of the Malfoy family... :-) But there I go giving my opinion again.
Excellent work! Hugs from a fellow Ravenclaw.
Author's Response: Wow Fauna! Thank you so much for leaving such an excellent review! I appreciate that you gave good, solid con-crit regarding Harry. Your comments and suggestions all help me know what to focus on in my fics in the future and they all help make me a better writer. Thank you for the time and thoughtfulness you put into first reading my fic, then leaving a very helpful review. It means so much so much to me!! *hugs* ~Andrea