I was born on a cold summer night in the middle of a soybean field. My mother was a hamster and my father smelt of elderberries. Tragically, my parents moved to Jamacia, forgetting that I was watching my one true love, Television, in my room. The IRS took my house and left me all alone on the streets. Then, a miracle happened. I met Mr. Dancing Peanut, a poor, orphaned peanut not unlike myself. He quickly became my best friend, and we looked out for each other. He taught me the one thing he knew: Polka. We toured Lichtenstien dancing for the happy people. It was my dream come true. Mr. Dancing Peanut and I got married, and we live in a large house in Ghana made of rainbows, cupcakes, and almond butter. We opened a dance clinic in New Zealand. If you would like to take polka lessons from the experts, visit www.dancingpeanuts.com for more information.
P.S. Wasn't that the awesomest bio you've ever read? And the best part is, it's all true! Um . . . yeah! I swear it is!
If you've ever galloped through the streets/hallways banging two empry halves of a coconut together, copy and paste this into your profile. (It's fun, trust me)
If hearing the word "popular" makes you burst into song, copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
If you love God with your whole heart and are 100 percent proud of it, copy & paste this in your profile.
Even when you cant see Him, GOD is there! if you belive in GOD put this in your profile.b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;b29;
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique,so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your head off.
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.
Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list: Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minomoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy The Mary-Sue Slayer, Random Little Writer, SamanthaFantasyFan, EdwardAddict, Supergirrl, Elemental-ANimal, Mother Nature's Daughter, Schmerg_The_Impaler, Flobberworm93
Summary: Giving high school essays a Marauder twist, this fiction is centered around the idea that some seniors in high school are require to write a letter to incoming freshman before they graduate. At Hogwarts, Seventh Years are given an assignment to write such a letter for the new First Years. Sirius decides to actually take an assignment, well seriously...sort of. He decides to look back on his entire Hogwarts years and write down his list of things not to do at Hogwarts.
LOVEITLOVEITLOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT!That was absolutely hysterical!!!!! I still have the image in my mind of Sirius riding up and down the stairs singing I Feel Pretty! The only problem is they seem to know about a whole lot of Muggle stuff they probably wouldn't know about. Especially Sirius, with the way he was raised and all. And how does James know the words to Dancing Queen???
Summary: Parody of the Harry Potter series written and completed before the release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. It looks at the lives of some of the major characters as they wait impatiently for book six to arrive. Naturally, chaos ensues. Suitable for all.
Winner of the first annual Quicksilver Quills Award 2006 for best humor fiction. Thank you!
I looked like a demented little rabbit thing I was laughing so hard! Voldy humor is really the best kind.
Author's Response: Thank you! I hope you like the rest of the story so much!
Summary: (Hi, I wrote this when I was 16, please keep that in mind. I'm keeping it up because people still like it.)
So, you want to be an evil villain? In this handbook that a certain Hogwarts student purchases, all of the rules, techniques, and frequently asked questions about evil villainy are explained. Do you have what it takes? And what will happen to the student who purchases the book? Another story from the strange, twisted, and slightly unfortunate Hermione's Revenge.
Summary: Hermione is slowly losing her marbles and develops an unhealthy obsession with Snape – to his horror. The task of saving what is left of her sanity falls upon him of all people. What's wrong with Hermione and can he help her?
Wow. Completely hilarious! love it!!!!!!
I realize I'm double posting with the reviews, but I have an assignment (for a class on the forums) involving writing a good review, and something tells me that last one wouldn't cut it :) Don't feel like I'm using your fic to get my homework done; it was totally amazing!!! The assignment involved different types or British humor, and I think this fic demonstrated a lot of that.
The first Britishy thing I can think of, would of course be the Pythonesque absurdity of the thing (did you know that's an actual word in the Oxford English Dictionary? I'm serious, look it up! I've been looking for an opportunity to use that work for awhile :) ), which is shown in a lot of Hermione's behavior and even the randomness of the foods (herring!). Hermione's behavior in the entire thing was completey psycho, but not OOC, since you actually had an excuse. Love it! Snape's reactions are also really fun to watch, and his sarcasm is great. I kind of feel sorry for him; I DUB IT INTERNATIONAL HUG SNAPE DAY!!!
This is probably the longest review you've ever gotten, so I'll cut it off at this (sorry if I bored you to death!)
Summary: A Shakespearean Parody featuring the Marauders.
Author applies Shakespeare's style of play writing and massacred some of the great play-wright's famous soliloquys too.
THAT IS HILARIOUS!!!
Author's Response: thanks ...
Summary: The truth about the fifth Gryffindor boy is revealed (Remus ate him), a comforter not-so-spontaneously combusts twice, James smells funny, and Peter likes chicken. And Natalie Blackwood snogs Sirius in a broom closet (yay inbred purebloods).
“Yeah, chocolate’s poisonous to dogs,” Natalie pointed out, and shot Sirius a look.
“Don’t be getting any ideas, Natalie,” James said. “I’ve already tried it. No such luck.”
I copied that early on for the review, but that doesn't even cover the hilarity. Awesome!
Summary: A collection of sonnets that would be very, very fun to read to Voldy, that is, if you don't mind the getting killed part. If you don't know, a sonnet is a short fourteen-line poem that takes less than thirty seconds to read. I know. I timed myself. It's great for people with short attention spans. If you have a really short attention span, read a haiku.
Sorry I meant too
That was amazing! That was the greatest poem I have ever read! I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair! And then then I kept laughing! For fifteen minutes! It is very, very well written two, and extremely well rhymed! I cannot think of a single bad thing to say about that!!!
Summary: What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.
WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.
RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!
I realize this is way old, but I just found a link from your post on a forum and THIS IS AWESOME!!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I always love getting new readers, so matter how old the story. ^_^
Summary: After a potion goes awry, Draco finds himself as the newly appointed babysitter of one Hermione Granger, age: 4. As if that wasn't humiliating enough, his wand is confiscated by Potter and he is forced to do everything the dreaded Muggle way.
Note to my readers: This story has been on hiatus forever due to a variety of factors. I do hope to finish it some day, but don't hold your breath. Also, this is NOT a Dramione nor will I change it to be one. Lastly, I am in the process of rewriting this story so bear with me.
ooh I love it!!! Keep it up!
Author's Response: Me too! Thanks for the encouragement
Summary: "Some mistakes are too much fun to make just once."
After Lily Evans, Head Girl of Hogwarts, starts a food-fight with James Potter, Head Boy of Hogwarts, they are both given detention for the rest of the year, and are assigned a 'detention journal', which the staff say will help to settle their 'overwhelming and disturbing differences'. We have come across Lily's journal; her take on why the whole affair ever started, her intriguing relationship with one ‘supreme git of the galaxy’, the extents to which she will go for revenge and where it will lead her...
"And if for some unknown reason you come across this, Potter, and the paragraph above does not manage to penetrate your unusually thick head and convince you of my stupendous dislike of you, I hope the following sentence helps: I HATE YOU!"
That is so adorable!
It really looks like it's finished to me, but the thingymajigger says it's still incomplete. What else do you have planned?
Author's Response: Nope. Not finished...I guess this is just a calmer chapter...thanks for always reviewing!
Yay! I loved it!
If that's all I said would you think I'm a bad reviewer?
I don't care. Yay! I loved it!
Author's Response: Lol, NOT a bad reviewer. You told me what you thought. That\'s enough. :) Thanks!
Wow. LOVEITLOVEITLOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT! It's fantabulously well-written, realistic, original, funny . . . you probably just think I'm sucking up now, don't you? But seriously, I love it. Especially the food fight scene. That was really well-written. Love the not-so-subtle hinting, love the originality . . . CURSE YOU!!!! I SOUND LIKE A TOTAL SUCK-UP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Author's Response: I LOVE your bio! It\'s so funny. Anyway, thanks for the awesome review! It made me laugh. I hope I will be updating soon, Byes!
Summary: A psychiatrist unexpectedly shows up on Voldemort’s doorstep one day and claims to be his therapist. A series of frightening and quite disturbing subjects are soon covered, including sunbathing, treacherous followers, unicorns, names, the hippie era, evil bunny rabbits, and hair. After each session, work becomes increasingly frustrating for Voldemort, until he realizes that the therapy has taken away his love for killing things. He angrily attempts to return to the life he used to have, but torturing Harry Potter and his dorky little friends doesn’t seem quite as fun as it used to...
Culminates in the final... er... battle? between Lord Voldemort and Harry.
Nominated for the 2007 Quicksilver Quills! R&R - and have fun!!!
Oh my god that is hilarious!!!! I was actually thinking about writing kind of the same thing but . . . now it's taken!!!!! WHY ARE YOU STEALING ALL MY IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!!
GRRRRRRRRRR!!!! Seriously, though, I was laughing so hard it was slightly creepy. You are a genius! Keep it up!!
Author's Response: HA-HA! I stole your idea! Nyah-nyah!! :P Heh. I actually had no idea, so please don\'t sue me! I\'m glad you liked it so much, though. I actually didn\'t think it was all that funny, but I don\'t think I recognize my own sense of humor. Weird. Thanks for the review!!! :D
Summary: It's the sequel to "The Dark Lord's Blog," guys! (And girls... and, I don't know, gender-neutral people and centaurs and walruses and parameciums and shrubs and stuff.)
Several months have passed since Filch came into possession of Voldemort's magical powers, and he has taken over Hogwarts.
With Filch serving as The Dark Lord Snoogerblossom, the position of Hogwarts caretaker/janitor is open. Seeing as Voldemort wants his magical powers back, he and his extremely attractive new sidekick, Mungo Phelps, go undercover at Hogwarts, with Mungo posing as a transfer student and Voldemort posing as the new janitor. Wacky high-jinks ensue.
Join Voldemort as he tries to get back his magic, kill Harry Potter, steal Gryffindor's sword to make a shiny new Horcrux, romance Minerva McGonagall, discover Sirius's secret to becoming a chick magnet, and swallow a teaspoon of his pride to mop up spills the Muggle way and wear an unflattering uniform! WARNING: Extremely silly and very out-of-character.
If you haven't read "The Dark Lord's Blog," well, what are you doing? GO READ IT NOW! Just click on my author name and you'll be directed to my chaotic author page, which lists all my wacky stories.
This is on hiatus, dudes. Ooh! But it was twice nominated by nice (and insane) people for the Best Humour Fic award in the Quicksilver Quills thingy!
Also, some wonderful loony nominated Mungo Phelps for Best Male OC, making him if possible even more conceited! (No one had the heart to tell Mungo that he was designed as an example of a terrible OC.)
EXCITING NEWS! "The E-Journal of an Evil Janitor" is now continued as a Twitter blog! Go to Twitter dot com and find thedarklord666. Voldy's waiting!
Wow. No amount of praise can do that justice. Just . . . wow.
Author's Response: Ohhhh, thank you so much!
Summary: Voldemort knows it's great being the Dark Lord; it's a position he wants to keep. But even the most malevolent maniac can't stand when the forces of fashion conspire against him! A tale of organized mayhem.
love it love it love it love it love it!!!!!!!
Author's Response: thanks :)
Summary: A poem involving Death Eaters, and The Worm.....Need I say more?
Wow. I like it! So what's Voldy doing? I always pictured him as a breakdancing kind of guy.
Author's Response: Voldie WAS break dancing! How did you guess? thanks for reviewing!
Summary: A boy. A girl. A problem. A complication. Several cliches. A resolution. A twist. The H/Hr ship that sails because all H/Hr ships have sunk. (Parody.)
ok . . . I am really confused!!!
Author's Response: Did you work out that this story is set in the year 2025? GhV
Summary: Sequel to the parody 'Tom Riddle and the Half Blood Prince', which I am proud to state won the 2006 Quicksilver Quill award for best humor. Prior reading is advised, but not absolutely necessary.
I love it so far! Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks! Hope you like the next chapter.