Hi! I'm Arianna.
Well, I suppose I'm a complete nut when it comes to Harry potter fanfics, particularly Lily and James fics. I'm in our school's marching band, which is the pretty much best in all the states surrounding where I live.
I love toes socks, free time, the Harry Potter books/movies, the radio, this boy who plays this one thing in that one class, my friends, sleep, snow, funny stuff, cool quotes, peanut butter, band trips, reviews, ballet, goldfish(the crackers), my cat, and those bottle caps that click when you poke them.
Please read Losing Pussyfoot. That is my main focus right now in my stories, and I could really use your feed back.
If you read True Design or Understanding the One Thing You Can't, just know it's not really my style. I try new things, but I find I'm better at funnier, make-you-happy type works, but I love to read most anything (not slash, particalarly Sirius and Remus).
Okay, that was brilliant! I can now see a flobberworm being balanced on Snape's greasy nose!
Author's Response: YEp. LOVE THE IMAGERY.
Oh my, that was wonderful (and yet I wish it were true an owl would find me, but no).
Author's Response: Yeah, it didn't come to me, either.
Hey, I realy liked thw plot line in your story. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm only trying to help you to be better, but some of the writing in the story seemed like it was out of a first grade book. For example, "He was a wizard, but his friends didn’t know that. He also wore glasses." These two sentences can easily be formed into one, and it'd be better that way. I don't mean to say you need to flower up the writing, a lot of the time it only makes you sound as if you're trying to sound good. It's fine to be blunt, and I loved how you wrote the end with "He turned around and called ‘Evans, meet Sirius Black, as you would say, Marauder. Sirius, meet Lily Evans, as you would say, annoying swot.’
With this he threw Lily’s books (and all his hopes of ever asking Lily out) into the pond and headed indoors, a mischievous grin on his face. " It was nicely put, and shows a lot of James character. You're doing great, and tons better than many of the stories I've read.
Author's Response: If you met me in real life, you'd realise that I am NEVER blunt. It takes me forvever to say anything...
Hey, I'[m not blunt either, unless I'm kidding, then I'm blunt. Anyway, I hope I didn't sound mean, I want to clearify that I didn't leave a bad comment. It was constructive criticism, and I really do like your story. I know I like it when I get real reviews though, that don't say 'UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!!' all the time, I think those are a bit annoying. Thanks for not being mad at me though, I've had some people get really mad at me call me unrepeatable things...
Author's Response: I'm sorry if you thought i was angry... i really appreciate the critism.. just telling the truth... ask magic_hedgehogs...
James laughed heartily. "Oh Lils..."
Kudos to you for using ‘gay’ when it has the connotation it does now days. The first sentence in your second paragraph seemed to use ‘over’ too much. September 2nd, James says, “I am headed there to…” but it should be ‘too.’ Same place, Lily says, “Your such a prick…” when it should say ‘You’re.’ Same place, Lily says, “You already confirmed didn’t you!” This should say, “You already confirmed, didn’t you!” A week later, James says, “I will be done in a second than you can…” It should say, “I will be done in a second, then you can…” In the same place, it says, ‘She took one more look sighed and than…’ Should be ‘She took one more look, sighed, and then…’ That’s all I could find wrong grammatically, which really isn’t all that bad. I liked your plot, it’s very creative, and it’s a different kind of format. The dialogue was very real and sounded like how normal people talk. Good job.
Author's Response: Thanks...I think! Thanks anyway!
I didn't mean to offend you if I did. I was only trying to help; I know I hate to have grammatical errors. It really is a good story, and a good plot.
Author's Response: No, no! YOu didn't offend me at all! I am sorry if there was animosity in the response. I was unsure of what you were saying at the moment. No, I hate grammatical errors too. I wrote that chapter whilst I found out about my aunt. It was very hard on my family, and I probably wasn't paying attention. The other one's aren't bad like that! Thanks for the kind review!