Hey, I'm Ashley, I'm 21 and I'm starting law school in the fall. I have stepped away from fanfiction at the moment to work on and finish some original fiction projects. However I do respond to all reviews and check up on my stories from time to time. I hope you all enjoy. Comments Compliments,Complaints, Love Letters and Hate Mail are appreciated. My AIM is SomberBallad13 if you wanna reach me.
Thanks a bunch!
One of the few H/Her stories out there..that's cool. It's a good idea, if you could try to add more details in it..you seem to move through the story really fast. But good, I'm looking forward to more.
That was awesome, nice idea. Fred and George rock! Thanks for reviewing my story as well!
This is a really fascinating fanfic (not story perse), I enjoy it. Keep writing, it's intriguing.
They all see so OOC...James and Sirius are all nice and friendly and "let's smell the roses" people, and James and Sirius come off real cocky and confident in the books, maybe that's later but it seems different in your fanfic. Remus is good though, and the way they got rid of Lucius was a awkward, good tie in with Lucius though. Dont' get me wrong I"m still reading just some advice for you. Love the Mauraders to death great idea.
The Maruraders rock my world, this is a great story, keep it up. Pretty good...going a little OOC especially Remus and Sirius...maybe that's your goal, it's not too bad just a suggestion. Good story, adding you to my favorites.
Very good, I just happened upon this in the titles section and it looked like a good read. It was very well done, I adore Lupin...my second favorite to Sirius. It was very well done, maybe there will be more from you in the furture?
Author's Response: Thanx, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Lupin is my favorite character. For this story I am finished but I have five more stories out if you want to have a look at them. :)
Wow Seren! This is completely incredible, one of the best H/Hr stories I've ever read, I'm so impressed. The way they so naturally fall into madness is brilliant, the descent is so flowing and real that it makes you believe that it could actually happen. Also how you describe what is happening around them makes everything makes sense, when it's not supposed to. (I hope you get what I mean.)
There was only one thing that seemed to interrupt the flow of the story and that was Hermione's mention of quidditch. It seemed abrupt somehow, I liked your allusion to how while his feet were on the ground he was hers though. Perhaps there is some other way to fit that in, because Quidditch seems to arise out of nowhere.
I am very in awe of your writing ability on this, it's completely believable on a subject most people would not touch or dare to believe. Your story is convincing and quite original, nice work. ~Ashley
This is an interesting concept for a story I would like to see more...it's very orginal I think I'll add it to my favorites
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. I looked at your favorites list and read some of the stories on there. I liked them. Thanks for putting on mine
I know it's taken me forever and a day to finally read this. I'm not going to go into some crazy in-depth review like I normally do because I realize this is your first fiction? (Or at least one you have been writing for a long time) A lot of your "juvenile" mistakes have been corrected with time and have blossomed into beautiful stories like "Emancipation". With that said, that does not mean this story is by any means unreadable or unmemorable just because you started at a younger age. On the contrary I think the idea is quite brilliant.
My only problem with the whole thing is simply the dark nature of it. It just seems that there is no hope at all left in this story, I almost wonder why Hermione and Snape are trying so hard to fix it. The once untied trio sits in shambles of what it used to be. Hermione seems like an entirely different person though with proper reason. Harry actually seems quite real considering everything that has happened to him but combined with Hermione’s hopelessness the pair of them are just depressing. And Ron well, maybe it’s better he is the way he is…it makes you wonder.
However, I am very intrigued to see where this story is going because you have presented us with quite the conflict. When all the hope in the world is gone, can Hermione becoming a Death Eater change the darkness clinging to the Wizarding World? In the end is that move going to be the one that topples Voldemort? While you make it seem unlikely, those of us who hope for a light at the end of the tunnel are intrigued to see what can be made of the situation.
Not to mention, it really is interesting to see how Hermione adapts in such a world, can she continue to live emotionless and hopeless? Is the past and the present going to catch up to her? What exactly is like being in the circle of the Dark Lord? That has never really be examined in-depth before.
In one of your author’s notes you said you were pushing characters to the edge, and that you certainly are, and while you have foundation for their actions no one really wants to see our “heroes” like this. So I guess the draw to this story is, can they find a way out? Or is all hope really gone?
Like I said before, the idea is brilliant, the hook is intense and writing is good. I’m looking forward to reading more, and I’ll review again in a few chapters. Sorry for the long review, I swear I didn’t mean to.
Wow Vader, I'm so glad I decided to pop in on this H/Hr piece. First off I'd like to compliment you on how natural it is and getting it away from Hogwarts. You read a lot of H/Hr fictions that take place at Hogwarts. To me, having them away living their own lives makes the romance more natural, and not forced. I really enjoy that. This has been said before, but I really enjoyed the contrast between Harry and Hermione's homes, that really set a good mood. I really enjoyed how Hermione went back to a Muggle way of life. Actually how each of the trio went back to what they knew best (Ron-wizarding world, Harry-best of both worlds). This keeps the characters familiar and delightfully in character. So again nice job. There were a few spelling (I would say more typing errors) errors. Like you held the key down too long for a couple words. Other than that I didn't notice anything too big grammer/spelling wise. Though you said you updated the first two chapters. I also am by no means an expert on that sort of thing. Lastly I want to comment on how human the developing romance is. It is really natural and not forced, like a lot of stories are. You feel like you can relate to Harry and Hermione rather than just watch them (like a romance movie that will never be). Not to mention you are one of the few males I know who have written a romance and I am greatly pleased. This is one of my favorite H/Hr fictions yet. I'm only review on Chapter 2 now because I don't know how long it will be before I finish. I can only read it sparsely here and there, because it is rather long (I don't mind though). I just wanted to say how impressed I am, your story hooks the reader quickly and puts them in a place they like just as much as Hogwarts (at least for me anyhow). I am anxious to get to the third and fourth chapter, I will review again then. ~Ashley
This was a very interesting story; you don’t get to read a lot of Lucius/Narcissa stories so this was nice. This is a good song fiction, normally I’m not a big fan of them but the song was used very well. I thought it was a creative story, and a beautiful one at that. You could sympathize with Narcissa perfectly and I assume that is what you were going for. Also, the last part where Lucius walks in to find her dead, how he really has no reaction but to the cold night air, that part was amazing. It was really impacting, showing perfectly his indifference to the whole thing.
Just a few suggestions:
every man wished they could take her home with them.
Personally, I think it would be better if you left out the “with them” at the end and just say “…every man wished they could take her home.” It seems to flow nicer.
"My two cleverest students married... Oh, how I've longed to see this day," he said with a twinkle in his eye just as they were leaving. Narcissa smiled and thanked him gratefully.
This seemed a little OOC for Dumbledore, he doesn’t seem like one to get in the middle of romance. Also he’s one of those teachers that knows things…I have a feeling he might of known that Lucius was no good and might not be for happy for them. Of course that is just my opinion and it’s AU, so it’s just a suggestion.
She eagerly asked him if she could go, not for a moment doubting that he would say no.
This part was so confusing to me, so I even got a second opinion and I’m almost positive that this is not what you mean. I think you mean, “she doubted he would say no.” Because by saying “she didn’t for a moment doubt…” Then that means that she didn’t for a moment doubt he was going to turn her down. Then she is surprised to hear that he says no, so I don’t think that is what you mean. Just reread the sentence and then her reaction. You want to say she doubted he was going to say no, but instead you are saying the opposite.
One afternoon, she told Lucius that a well-known wizarding musician was passing through town in an attempt to train any undiscovered talent as an apprentice.
I don’t think a musician would look for an apprentice. Apprentices are usually associated with studying a subject, like science, or math. Maybe he was looking for an assistant? Apprentice just doesn’t sound right.
The night of the 3-year anniversary of the day he asked her out arrived.
Spell out three, instead of using the numeric form. My English teacher always gets on me about that…it’s engraved in my brain.
Nice job, I really liked this story, you obviously but a lot of emotion into it. It shows some intelligence, nicely done.
I am not by any means a Snape/Hermione shipper or fan, but when I saw Snape featured, I had to look and this was incredible. So well written, and very convincingly done. I really am in awe of your delicate and incredible writing ability. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Ashley! This was my first attempt to write Snape-Hermione and I had to figure out a way to make convincing in my own head. I'm so glad you found to be so!
So, I’m going to do this right this time and put it in a word document so the evil MNFF log-in system won’t vanquish my mediocre review.
First off, I did enjoy it, of course I did.
I’m going to take a moment to talk about the last chapter really quickly because you never got my review. First of all, it was really very very good. I am so envious of your ability to write action sequences I was totally enthralled by the fast pace of the end of the chapter. Second, Bellatrix was perfect, I could totally picture Helena Bonham Carter in my mind being all crazy like (in a completely calculated sane way) and then making the grave mistake that all villains make, taunting/talking to their soon to be victims for too long allowing just enough time for the calvary to ruin their well laid plans. Anyway, I really enjoyed her dialogue/characterization (especially her dialogue with Lucius in the Forbidden Forest). (*will not mention how she felt bad for Snape*). Lastly, and most importantly, killing off Ron? Wow, that was a huge and brave risk and I thought it was handled flawlessly and wonderfully. As you know Ron isn’t my favorite character, and that isn’t why I am so impressed. I’m more impressed by you just doing it, I don’t think I’ve ever read a story where Ron has been killed off (you would think that’d be a bigger H/Hr cliché) , everyone loves him and for you to do what you needed to do to further the story and Siobhan/Hermione’s friendship was just really awesome and I commend you.
That took longer than I was thinking…*cough* now to this chapter…I don’t have a whole lot to comment on generally except that initially I thought it would be really strange that Siobhan and Hermione would be friends and still it kind of weirds me out for no apparent reason. I’ve been trying to figure it out and nothing comes to me, but I am glad they are friends. Oh, and like Siobhan I really want to see Liam.
Now I will do what I do everything I review and comment specific lines that struck me:
“Is that the truth?” Potter asked suspiciously.
I really liked this because I felt like Harry was playing the whole big brother card and I adore that. I guess, I just really like the way you portray the friendship between Harry and Siobhan, they way they look out for each other is really touching and yet (at least in my eyes, I know others disagree) completely platonic, it’s just lovely. This friendship makes me happy. I love their interactions together no matter how brief.
“Oh, but it was all very elaborate and scandalous in my mind. Especially with Draco’s marriage proposal.”
This line made me laugh. If Hermione doesn’t make the cut the wizarding world, perhaps she can write soap operas. It would be pretty scandalous.
She sat, kneeling on the ground, realising she didn’t have time to sleep with dinner so soon and thinking about what she could do to past*** the time
I hate making grammatical corrections on a story where I’ve never seen a grammatical error so maybe I’m wrong but isn’t the phrase “…to pass* the time”? If I’m wrong, just disregard.
“Hello, my love.”
So I had just gotten used to the whole being mad at Lucius and not forgiving him like Siobhan when you have to go and do something like end your chapter there. I can just picture him silhouetted in the fading sunlight on her balcony and hear his voice with the same silky tone that make Siobhan want to both shove him off the balcony and on her bed at the same time. It really was quite dashing and made me inwardly swoon (well that coupled with his seemingly heroic display in the last chapter). I’m afraid I’ve been sold again…thank God I don’t know anyone like him in real life, I’d be doomed to believe him whether I wanted to or not, knowing full well I shouldn’t.
Wonderful work dear, I am so looking forward to the next chapter and I hope it comes as easily as this one did.
I hate to leave you a comment that really means nothing in the scheme of things, but I wanted you to know that your story is a breathtaking, and though I don't review as often as I should, I love every chapter more than the last. This is an addiction, and I love it!! You are fabulous Jenna.
Oh oh oh Jenna! *fans self* This story is hot my dear. I told you I would write you a review and I promise I'll write you a better one later. I just had to tell you, I absolutely love this story, you are a genius! You should be so proud of yourself, Siobhan is a brilliant OC, and I am a tough one to impress with OC's...honestly. If I didn't want Siobhan to have him so much, I would definately be all over Lucius, he is so sexy...and I honestly would have never have thought that before reading this but...wow. Anyway enough gushing, and I'll be back with some more constructive stuff later, but I just want you to know your story is brilliant and I'm definately converted to Lucius/Siobhan. It was definately inevitable. Good Job!
What a wonderfully written reunion! Not only that but the intruding dinner speaks volumes to the talent of your writing because instead of being annoyed that it interrupted the Lucius/Siobhan moments I was entranced by the examination of Siobhan’s relationship to her mother and the rest of the family. I felt fully apart of that scene and wasn’t even as anxious as Siobhan for the dinner to end because it was an interesting look at her home life away from Lucius and school. You really have created a brilliant character that stands out on her own, and despite many people’s attempts to set her aside with Lucius for ever and ever (like I used to) she is so much more than him and that makes her brilliant, or you brilliant, or both.
I’m sorry I don’t have more constructive criticism or even gushing remarks but it’s so hard of me to make note of things when I’m so fully enraptured by your writing, here are a few dumb things I did make note of though.
I enjoyed the chess/game allusion at the beginning of the chapter, it was cleverly played out without being cheesy or over-obvious.
Unrelated, there was a line where you note that Lucius’ blonde hair spills over the forest green pillow. I just felt that it was so right that it was forest green…I mean I guess it’s slytherin and all but it just was so perfect, I can’t explain it, maybe it’s just my undying love for forest green. I just thought that line was perfect.
Okay this is definitely not stupid gushing…maybe just incomplete:
The banter between Lucius and Siobhan about killing and murder was beautiful.I love Siobhan/Lucius not because of the sex or the scandal but because of the way you write their dialogue together, it is so smart and sexy and never cliché or dull, I really don’t know how you make Lucius so appealing ,why his arguments are so suave and sure yet you really want to second guess him but (maybe it’s just me) aren’t clever enough to think of a good rebuttal. You say at one point he argues somewhat like a lawyer…and all I have to say to that is, I wish all lawyer were as clever as him, the bar on the legal system would be significantly raised.
I hope you keep the updates coming, you’re like a machine over there :)
Author's Response: Thank you, Ashley dear :D Yes. I\'m not sure how I write Lucius-Siobhan dialogue. It never ceases to amaze me how two contradicting forces can come out of my brain, and how I write it at a greater rate than the rest of my chapters. I should see a psychiatrist about that, maybe. >.>
Oh Jenna, you are a goddess. How is that you made an original character that I've fallen in love with wherever she is? And she is nothing like me at all and is so smart...I cannot tell you how impressive it is, honestly.
I was so worried when winter break was over that the story wouldn't be the same back at school but it was so silly of me to think so. You are a great writer, Siobhan belongs wherever you put her. I absolutely love the ineraction between Harry and even Ron and Ginny and Hermione.
I feel bad for just gushing and not being constructive, but really it would be foolish to even try to find something wrong because your skill with the plot and you dear Siobhan just seems so over my head. I envy you and your beautiful story very much.
Don't make me wait so long for chapter fifteen dear, I'm dying away over here.
I never review this story just because I never believed I could give it a "spew-worthy" review. Granted I think, I hope, you know I am in love with "Sins" it is my guilty pleasure and Siobhan is my absolute hero. This chapter, as I've told you, is my favorite of all the chapters, and there really is no smut in it at all. I love the chemistry in it though, it just flies off the page...err..computer screen.I find that far more attractive alot of the time compared to smut. I know that Harry annoyed Patrick a lot of the chapter but I thought Harry was incredible, I don't know if Siobhan feels the same way but hindsight I would want a friend like Harry, who really cares enough to stalk me to see if I were okay. I thought he was really amazing this chapter, and his chemistry with Siobhan was so intense that I was almost tempted to believe the Cult...well almost. And then Lucius and Siobhan's banter was absolutely adorable, and their sefllessness. Anyway to wrap up this long but not so indepth review, I want to say the last scene between Harry and Siobhan was priceless, one of the best ineractions between characters I've ever seen. I want to read this chapter over and over again just so I can read that part. It felt so real and both their characters became so real. When Siobhan says:
“And it’s not so simple for me to just throw away my life and start fresh. My life is not a fairytale. I’m not a character in black and white story, who defies her predestined fate by way of difficult life-altering decisions. I do not plan on being swept off my feet by a white knight for a happily ever after. I use my talents to make the most of what I have, because I don’t possess the courage to take a chance and change my life. That is what separates us, Potter.
I sympathize with her and at the same time I feel like I'll never understand her and I can just picture Harry standing there gaping just wondering what to do. Oh, that monologue is so powerful, I feel like I could use that as a famous quote.
Okay so enough gushing, I just wanted to let you know that this chapter was unbelievable, the best work I've ever seen out of you! I love this story so much and you so much! *hugs*
First allow me to say, oh my gosh I am so excited you have finally posted, I was so excited to hear that you were working on it again and oh, this is one of my favorite stories. To top it off we are SPEW buddies so I can learn all your amazing secrets.
Your story is so entrancing, and I feel like I’m reading an actual novel in my hands on my bed instead of at a desk eyes glued to a computer screen. You pull the reader right in from the first sentence and leave us guessing for the next chapter. I compliment people on certain aspects of their writing, but you are a great writer. When Bill told his story, I was there. I was in the dark tunnel and could see the dim light and I could hear his voice. I was like leaning in to the screen as if I could hear him better that way.
The history of the “old magic” was incredible! All that history you put in was fascinating, and trust me too many people make the history of the founders absolutely boring. The twist you added in with Hufflepuff refusing to add her magic totally made sense. At first I was surprised too but actually we are all just so cliché that your story just seems smarter.
That is one thing about this story; there are no clichés in it whatsoever. It’s fresh and it’s original and I think that is why so many people like it. It’s not like reading fanfiction, it’s like reading a real book and it’s just amazing.
“I am not!” retorted Kevin. “Just practical. Fighting dragons? Definitely not practical.”
I really liked this line. I’ve grown to like Kevin’s character a lot through this chapter, he reminds me of my friend Kevin, and this line was dead on.
Throughout the story I’ve been watching these girls (Ninette and Tonks) face the mirrors and I’ve seen how alike they are in that respect. In this chapter I think you did a good job of also bringing out how different they are. Reading about each of them is a very separate experience yet they are united by glass. It will be interesting to see how you will take them separately and in their relations with each other in future chapters.
You have a masterpiece here darling and I am so glad to hear there will not be such hiatuses any longer. I know this is a SPEW review but I have no critiques for this chapter, you’ve apparently have been working very hard and your beta must be superb. Keep up the good work Nan, and bask in the glory that this chapter deserves.
Author's Response: Thank you, Ashley! I\'m all glowy from compliments right now, and it\'s a great feeling! I\'m glad you liked Bill\'s story and the Old Magic - I was afraid that it would come across as too random, or boring and aside-the-point, so I\'m really happy you enjoyed it. It\'s funny what you say about there being no cliches in the story, because one of the things I thought about before writing it was the number of cliches I was dealing with. A dancer who goes to Hogwarts - major alarm bells there. Standoffish and beautiful - more bells. Sudden introduction of random backstory including founders and magical objects...I was afraid it might be too much. So I\'m really happy to hear that you think it feels natural. As for Kevin, he was originally a sideline character, meant to give Charlie someone to talk to, but he\'s grown on me as well, and is definitely going to stick around.
I'm so sorry that I've been neglecting to review your story, I've just been so busy lately but I'm here now to review my favorite story so have no fear. (as if you cared :)
Anyway, I loved how you brought back the illusions to glass...the quotes in which you brought up the mirror glass were great, I got chills reading them.
"Ninette danced the part of Clara that night, with every part of herself besides her body – and without her body, the mirror could do nothing to her."
I loved that quote, because I think everyone can relate to it, dancer or not, it was very moving and very real at the same time, I truly loved that quote.
"Back in her room the mirror on the wall mocked her, and the picture of her mother dancing Giselle swayed before her eyes. She was not as beautiful as her mother, nor as good a dancer – and if her mother had not been good enough for her aunt, how could she ever be?"
Then that one brings us back to reality and how cold the mirror can be, it's really stunning the difference that you can see away from the mirror, to back beside the mirror again, you really play that so elegantly. Your parallels and imageries are incredible I'm so envious.
This particular chapter was one of my favorites because it brought Ninnette back around to the dancing state of mind, and it was Christmas, and it was the nutcracker it was very exciting. The first part with her watching the nutcracker and only seeing clara and the story for what it was, not as dancers and real people. That was incredible, because I think a lot of adults forget that magic that comes with imagination and knowing that not everything has be down-to-earth. Her love for the nutcracker is so real, and very moving, or so I thought, but maybe that is because I can relate.
The only thing that kind of bothered me about this chapter was the whole Morris house part, only because I wasn't exactly that all of it was relevant to the plot but of course, I'm sure there is something I don't understand just being a lay reader.
Over all though I continued to be impressed with your work, you are such a great author, and I really truly wish I could write as well as you. I love your characters and your plot, it's just beautiful. I really hope you let all that go to your head because you deserve it.
Author's Response: Your favorite story? *blushes wildly* Thanks, Ashley! And yes I do care, very much - my reviewers have a special place in my heart. I'm very glad you liked all the mirror imagery; I tend to pick up an image and beat people over the head with it (purely out of my over love for symbolism), so I'm glad you liked it and didn't think it was overdone. As for the Morris', you're right, they're not very relevant to the plot. I wanted them in mostly for the sake of a contrast, but also to make a character point on which no one so far has commented. I think I'll refrain from saying what I was trying to do, and make it more clear in another chapter. ;) Anyway, thanks for the long review, and I'm very glad you liked the story!