Summary: Tom Riddle was in love with Merope. How it happened, she didn't know. But the blow of knowing the one she loved was in the arms of another leaves her heartbroken and her life shattered, and the only one who can put it back together is the man that loves her the way that she loves Tom Riddle.
First part in the Watching Over Her trilogy.
First off, I love how you took a minor character, and dedicated an entire one-shot to her. I adore reading fanfics like this, simply because it gives the author so much room to breathe and come up with their own original back-story. I find it much more interesting reading a new opinion of a character, then the one I’ve been reading repeatedly. Change is good. But, I digress.
The main thing that bothered me about this one-shot was that I had to re-read parts a couple of times because I kept getting confused. Now, this is probably partially my fault, because I get distracted and confused easily. But especially in the beginning, things just seemed off. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that you are working with practically original characters, so the reader has no clue what’s going on with them. For example, in the beginning, I thought Cecilia wanted her brother to come visit her and at one point I thought that Edward was in love with Riddle too. I think this could have been easily remedied by more details, though.
But I soon choose the obvious answer, and, leaving the shack, was just in time to see her running down the lane
Small nit-pick; it should be chose opposed to choose.
I like the Edward’s speculation towards the end about Cecilia ever taking Riddle back, but I would be curious to see exactly what did happen. Since obviously, Riddle didn’t really love Merope, and odds are he did love Cecilia. Guess we’ll never know though.
Through-out this one-shot, I’ve grown rather fond of Edward. I like how you always present him with a choice of what he wants to do and what he knows he should do. He seems like the perfect friend for Cecilia, especially in her current time of need.
Out of curiosity, since your friend who dared you to write this name is Cecilia, did you base the other Cecilia that was in love with Riddle off your friend?
Overall, I really like the idea behind this one-shot. Sad as it was, it was brilliantly written.
Author's Response: First off, thanks so much for another great review!! Yeah, I should introduce who Cecilia is a little early on. But *gasp* Edward in love with Tom? I\'m inadvertently writing slash? I\'ll go back and look. Thanks for letter me know. I probably should have mentioned in the author\'s note that this is going to be a one-shot trilogy. *headdesk* Next one-shot is Cecilia/Edward fluff, and then the last (which might end up chaptered) is for when Tom comes back. No, Cecilia isn\'t like my friend at all, actually. My friend Cecilia is a lot more Slytherin. This character got her personality mainly because Edward was so clear in my mind; Cecilia was moulded in a way to be the kind of girl he\'d fall in love with. *prays hard that this response doesn\'t become one huge paragraph* Thanks again! ~Alison
Summary: Fred thought back to what had been happening before he’d found himself in the white room. He remembered Percy making a joke, and laughing, and then nothing. Had the shock of Percy’s joke killed him?
It's time for Fred to embark on the next great adventure, but before he goes, he's got to say goodbye to the world.
Awww. That was really, really cute. It was an interesting mix between sad and, for lack of a better word, happy. It was good that Fred found his peace; it was good that Fred was finally okay with himself being dead.
As the figure neared, it gained shape and color and substance, as though coming together out of thin air.
I simply adore the language in this sentence. It has a very light feel to it, which is rather fitting for a ghost if I do say so myself. And I can see the figurative language being taken literally, which gives it a more truthful aura to it. Although, one small nit-pick; it should be colour rather than color.
“Are they going to be alright?”
Another small nit-pick that you made a couple of time through-out the one-shot is that it should be all right opposed to alright, since alright actually isn’t a word.
Uncle Gideon stood to the side as Fred bounced onto the boat.
First off, the description of Gideon was really good. I could practically see him in my mind’s eye, and just from your description I would have known he was a Weasley. And I can’t say that I’ve ever been too wonderful at matching descriptions to characters, so that has to say something.
The second part of this sentence confused me slightly. I just didn’t seem to fit or flow together. The majority of your descriptions depict the dead people as floating and overall just moving in a very soft matter. And then Fred bounced onto the boat. It just seemed…off. Like, I couldn’t tell if he literally jumped or if his step was just really bouncy, or it because of the sea he stumbled making him look bouncy. It just seemed out of place.
In the kitchen, he found his parents doting over a toddler with hair that kept changing colors.
I think it’s interesting how you depicted time passing without Fred, which makes a very good point. It seems like Fred was only in the other realm for an hour or two at most, yet months have passed in the realm he just left. Fleur’s pregnant, Teddy’s grown up, and it seems that any hard feelings that might have been harboured against Percy are completely nonexistent.
Now, I’m assuming that Teddy is the toddler you’re referring to in the above excerpt, since he’s the only one young enough when Deathly Hallows closes. Yet, I’m slightly put off that it seems that he’s a Metamorphagus. It’s plausible, I suppose, yet since the Metamorphagus gene isn’t hereditary, it makes it seem sort of forced to me.
“Ah, Fred,” he sighed.
I love Gideon’s characterization, especially the awkward moment where he tells Fred that he’s no longer alive; that he’s not going to be able to converse directly with anyone in the living world until they die too. You balanced the perfect hybrid of hesitancy and insistence for someone trying to convince a relative that they are dead.
Overall, I think you handled a normally very sensitive subject extremely well. Keep up the amazing writing.
Author's Response: Ah, I LOVE reviews like this. They\'re the perfect balance of encouragement and contructive criticism. That being said, let me respond to some of the nit-picky issues that bothered you. Being American, \'color\' is the perfectly acceptable way to spell it. If I were a Brit, or trying to write like a Brit, I would spell it colour. However, being stateside, I don\'t use the \'u\'. Next up, the use of \'alright.\' I\'m afraid you\'ll need to address this with J.K. Rowling herself since she uses this frequently in her writing. Furthermore, just out of curiosity, I went to check a few different dictionaries just to ensure I wasn\'t losing my mind. \'Alright\', according to Merriam-Webster, is: quite common in fictional dialogue, and is used occasionally in other writing . Finally (for the nit-picky issues): Teddy. It may seem forced to you that he is a metamorphagus, but again, that was of Ms. Rowling\'s invention, not my own. Not only is it stated in interviews, it\'s up in the HP Lexicon, which makes it as true as it\'s going to get. Now then, having been spending some time poking around the beta boards, I realize this review may very well be more than just a review. If that\'s the case, I hope that you\'ll include my response. Now that my rebuttal is out of the way, let me say again that I do love reviews like this, and I love that you took the time to leave me such a detailed one, with all of your helpful pointers. Thanks! ~Penni
Summary: During the Final Battle, Rodolphus Lestrange watches his beloved wife die. And as he does, he can't help but relive the worst experiences of his life.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been dwelling on the past, but how couldn’t I? The past was all I had, and I knew that more clearly than I had ever known anything. As I sat beside her I knew that there was no future for me. That without her, I was nothing. There had never been anything besides her.
Wow. I love your characterization or Rudolphus. I think it’s interesting how you chose to portray him in response to his unrequited love. Much more, the fact that his wife was instead in love with the man he worked for, a man that could kill or have him killed in an instant, and the fact that his wife never really loved him; her love was always for Voldemort.
She would want nothing more than for me to kill as many as I could.
I read this, and my response was “Whaaat?” It simply didn’t make much to any sense. Until I was half way into the story and my slow mind finally realized that the person in question was Bellatrix. As much as I adore her as a character, she always was a little crazy. Well, honestly, a little more than a little.
With only me should would never have been happy.
Poor Rudolphus. I feel so bad for him. Honestly, when Bellatrix died, I never even considered how it would affect him, but I think what you’ve written here is a very canon applicable piece. Also, you have an extra word somewhere in that sentence, depending on what your intended meaning was.
You’re descriptions were to die for. I could practically see the green tinge in front of me; I could practically feel Rudolphus’s misery. You really have a talent for it.
As I stood in front of the prison that was set to hold me for ten years, I looked up at it.
I’m slightly confused here. Rudolphus was a Death Eater. He murdered plenty of innocent people. He killed the guy’s brother in cold blood. I think he would get more than ten years. And on top of that, I was always under the impression that people in Azkaban served life sentences, simply because it seems that the Dementors drove them insane. And we wouldn’t want a whole bunch of loony people running around, now would we?
All I knew was that I needed to see the green light again, but I could feel that terrible anguish grip my soul as I watched him die as well.
I like how we see a slightly more insane side of Rudolphus here. It’s like, seeing it in his mind’s eye isn’t enough. He has to see it again and again in front of him. For instance, I believe if the person hadn’t come and taken him away from Bellatrix’s body, then he would have kept killing random people until someone finally killed him.
Actually, the way you portrayed him, I felt like he really did want to be killed. And, it was probably the first time I ever wanted a character to be killed because I liked them so much. How odd is that? Usually it’s the other way around…
Overall, you did a wonderful job handling this challenge. And best of luck to you on it.
Author's Response: Aw, I\'m glad you like the way I write Rodolphus. It\'s probably a bit unconventional, but it\'s the way I like to think of him.
About the ten years thing, you\'re definitely right. To tell you the truth, I only made it ten years because I had a long, complicated plot bunny about Rodolphus and ten years later when he got out of Azkaban… Anyway, I\'ll change it soon.
Rodolphus is a tragic character, and it\'s very normal to want him to be killed in this fic. I sort of felt like maybe his life would stop being so sucky if he died… Anyway, thanks for the reivew!
Summary: Snape reflects on losing Lily
This is obsessed_with_jo of Ravenclaw writing for the Colors of the Spectrum one shot challenge.
Awww! Poor Severus. Losing your one true love to your worst enemy, now that’s just rough. Personally, I think he deserved her more. Yet, I still ship James/Lily. Odd, isn’t it?
My favourite aspect of this one-shot was how you portrayed Severus, especially highlighting each emotion with a certain vivacity of green. It was interesting how the green grew brighter and brighter as Severus lost Lily more and more. Yet, at the same time, it was really fitting. You did a very nice job of putting Severus’s desire into words, and on top of that, you managed to realistically put Severus’s emotion into a colour and justify it.
“Are you alright? You look a bit…off,” she said, tilting her head curiously to one side.
Just a small nit-pick here; it should be all right, rather than alright. Alright actually isn’t a word, but you’d be surprised at how often that mistake is made.
Off to breed perfect, precious little Gryffindor children that would have the same noble values as their parents.
I love the distaste that leaks from this sentence. It balances just enough sarcasm with just enough truth. After all, Harry does become a Gryffindor who demonstrates the same noble values that James has. Although, far from perfect. But two for three isn’t that bad. This sentence makes me feel really bad for Severus though. I can imagine him coming down for breakfast, opening the Daily Prophet and after skimming through a couple a pages, her brilliant green eyes are suddenly looking up at him.
Also, I love how the emerald as the colour of loss reiterates Severus’s death scene in Deathly Hollows. When I read that scene, it gave me the same feeling I got when I read your one-shot.
Overall, this is an incredible one-shot which I think captured a really hard emotion to portray. Best of luck in the challenge! =]
Author's Response: Haha, yes, I feel so bad that Snape lost Lily, but I ship Lily/James way more than Lily/Snape. Thanks so much for the review =]