Welcome to my author page!
I am a teacher, musician, reader, and avid Harry Potter fan. I am originally from the Midwest and now live a bit farther south. I am thrilled to be a proud member of RAVENCLAW House and enjoyed being a site moderator for a time as well.
I hope you enjoy the many stories and poems I have written. I am proud of them all and appreciate any feedback you might care to leave (in other words, reviews are love!) I've listed them below with a short description since I know trolling through summaries can be tedious. Thanks for reading!
EDIT: Someday I will categorize my stories by genre. Today is not that day. ;)
Summary: As soon as he saw her, Draco knew she was the one. But Astoria wasn't like any girl he had ever met. To get her, he would have to become something beyond who he was. He would have to get his life back in order and change for good.Written as a birthday present for two fierce lawyers of Ronald Weasley - Amanda/ahattab33 and Lori/WeasleyMom. Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling. Winner of the 2011 QSQ's Best Canon Romance Story (Chaptered)
I like this Pucey girl! Goyle is wonderfully dense. I like how you've used him as a catalyst for Draco. I still feel bad for Draco, but I have to admit he's getting a bit whiny. He needs some snark back. Loved the little details about Goyle's post-battle life and Draco's soujourn in Italy. Will keep reading...
Author's Response: Pucey is definitely too good for Goyle, but I think she loves being in control, and Goyle allows her to do that. Hehe. Glad you're liking it so far!
I like what you've done with Daphne's character. Playing with Draco was fun to see. I also like how he's starting to get his old self back...physically. I do think he would push back at Daphne a bit more. Then again, the war had its consequences and you've painted his confidence as one of them. I do hope he gets it back, though!
Shame about Astoria being taken, although I suspect there's more to that than Daphne's letting on...
One more chapter! Nice job! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Ahh... Daphne, love of my life. I think Draco was a bit stunned by the news to react properly. His snark is coming back soon! Thanks for R&R.
Natalie, this was the best one yet. The old Draco is coming back, yay! I thought the scene where he stood up to his family and left the house was fantastic. Just perfect. Loved him setting up house. :) And then the job you chose for him was spot-on as well. I could totally see him doing that, and his attitude finally came out in that interview. Now, time for him to start courting Astoria! Lovely job here and good luck as you continue! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: In spite of everything, I am sad I couldn't fit in the courting itself into the story. :/ In my early fics, I had Draco working in the Dept of International Magical Co-op, but I think this suits him better. I was too forgiving back then. :)
Summary: As Head Girl, Lily Evans is used to the odd things that happen at Hogwarts. Very little fazes her – especially when it comes to the Head Boy and his gang. But when she discovers there’s a new girl at Hogwarts, who has entranced all her friends, she’s determined, along with James, to find out the identity of the mystery witch.
After all, since when has Hogwarts accepted American Exchange Students?
And just why has Peter stopped eating sausages?
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling and if I was I wouldn’t admit it and put my name to this piece of silliness.
This is Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff writing for the 2011 Mysterious May Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt # 1.
I also dedicate this to all those of you who love a good MWPP cliche.
Thanks Nat-a-tat (hestiajones) for the beta job especially in the last chapter.
Cool. So someone is walking around having an extremely lucky day, huh. Poor James. Nicely done, though - the whole scene with Slughorn, and then with Dumbledore. And you keep weaving in this new girl and this strange effect she seems to have on everyone. Hmm, I wonder if the two things are connected?? Well, don't tell, you've done a nice job stringing things along, so please keep it up and good luck as you continue! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: I am glad you're enjoying this. It's so silly but it was fun to write it. The new girl ... she could be very important. Thank you for the review. ~Carole~
Nice cliffhanger! I really like that James and Lily are sneaking around, that's cute. Loved everyone's interactions, your Marauder dialogue is always so fun to read. I'm obviously curious who hexed James. Given my own history for beating him up in every single fic I've written about him, I'm definitely wondering about this American exchange student and your influences for her character. ;)
Great start, looking forward to more! And if you need help with American dialogue, I've got some experience! LOL! ~Gina ;)
Author's Response: I don;t need any help with the dialogue ... and that's not me being arrogant - ha ha. You'll find out why if you get to the end without your inner cliche radar making you wince. Thanks for the review, Gina. ~Carole~
Summary: Staring out of her dusty office window, Parvati Patil - now running a detective agency with Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas - is surprised when the glamorous Karis Flint arrives. Why would a rich society woman hire such an inexperienced firm? But when Karis explains that the Cordalis Diamonds have gone missing, along with her son, they know they have to take the case. For Karis' son is Blaise Zabini, the Slytherin from their year currently involved with Lavender Brown.
With Jonah Flint threatening to call in the Law Enforcers, can they find Blaise and the diamonds before the day is out?
This is Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff and this is my entry into the Great Hall Mysterious May Challenge - Prompt #3 - The Private Detective.
I am not JK Rowling, whoever told you that defamed her dreadfully.
Thank you Hannah/Bob (coolh5000) for beta'ing this story.
All chapter titles are songs from Elvis Costello. I'm not him either.
Lovely ending and great fun throughout! I had a feeling Parvati would show up with the answer, and that it would have to do with the rhyme. And I had a feeling there was something going on with the rhyme - and that it might even have to do with the Davises (sp?) So yay for you setting up subtle clues and me getting them, but another one for you still throwing in nice twists with Draco and then Blaise.
I think one of my favorite parts, though, was the calm ending - the boys in the pub, the girls back at the house. I just really enjoyed all their interactions. I also love your enigmatic hints at Parvati/Dean/Seamus or some combination of them. And of course the new name of their detective agency is hilarious. ;)
A very nice mystery, Carole! Well plotted and well paced, with great characters and some nice twists. Good luck in the challenge!
Author's Response: : D Thank you, Gina, my number 1 fan - or rather only fan - ha ha ha.I did have fun with this mystery - mainly because I love Lav and Blaise so much,so I'm pleased you enjoyed it, too. I wondered about the end because it seemed a bit indulgent, but when I read mysteries, I like all the other bits that don;t actually pertain to the mystery and yet are part of the story, so thank you for appreciating the last scenes. Ta lots ~Carole (who is very pleased this challenge is over)
I'm trying to work it out, since I can sense you've set some more clues. You've also cluttered the suspect list with the Malfoys some more. But really, the stuff with the paintings makes me most suspicious. And I can't help but wonder if there is some sort of secret message in the dress exchange, esp. with the Davises. I have no idea what the Lavender poem might refer to, though. But obviously Padma knows something so that will be interesting to see in the next chapter! Fun to figure out, Carole!
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing *insert annoying smiley face - hee hee*. Okay, you could be on the right track ... but then again, I might be spinning you a line. There are a few more twists and turns yet (but only two more chapters). Ta again. ~Carole~
Great job with weaving the flashbacks into the conversation! That's tricky and it was easy to read and follow. It also really brought out Lavender's character well. I really feel for her and Blaise.
The cabinet with the Kappa is creeeeeepy! What is up with that?! Why do the Flints have a monster in the house?!
I wonder why Blaise needs money. I wonder if Jonah Flint does as well. I think the painting is a clue. Is it fun to know what your readers think or am I way off? Don't tell. ;)
Nice job, looking forward to the next! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Hee hee. perhaps you are right, perhaps you are wrong. You will find out in due course. Thank you very much for the review, Gina. This one was fun to write ... sort of. I'm still struggling with the last paragraph. *sigh*. ~Carole~
Oh, were you giggling madly when Draco fell out of the closet? Because I was! So funny! Nice scene with Aurelia Savage. It really broadens the suspect list and their motivations. I especially liked the banter and interaction between Dean, Seamus, and Parvati. The line about there being no jealousy between them was really good. I still feel a bit bad for Blaise. I hope his mum wasn't trying to frame him, but it does look that way after speaking with Aurelia...
Author's Response: I was giggling madly when Draco fell out of the wardrobe - and when Tracey bundled him back in. Poor Hannah/Bob wasn't at all happy to have this foisted on her with no warning - hee hee.
I'm really interested in your thought processes here, Gina. As you know, I've written all of this, so I know exactly how this pans out, so it's fun to read your speculation. Thank you for the review ~Carole~
Oh you sneaky witch, you. Where is Parvati?? I thought for sure that she would come in right in the middle of the meeting and ruin Dean's big theory. I didn't expect Jonah himself to. Hmm. Him and Karis were my original theory, given they were obviously selling their stuff for money. I suppose Parvati still could show up and save the day. She's puzzling out the rhyme and I think it will definitely do something for solving it. I think I've made a connection to it. I (now) think someone is trying to frame Lavender (blue not purple) but it could be almost anyone. I was thinking Tabitha but Tracey was the one spitting out the rhyme. Maybe Tabitha and Tracey are secret lovers? Totally kidding, lol. Either way, you've stretched this out in a fun way. Can't wait to see how it ends! I like piecing things together, but I love getting to the end and then looking back and going "Of course, there are all the clues!" Great job,
Author's Response: I think you're my only reader ... ha ha. The rhyme, that rhyme that rhyme ..... Oh dear, am I torturing you. Oh Tracey/Tabitha - why didn't I think of that ... or perhaps I did. thank you, Gina. The story will be complete very soon. ~Carole~
Oh Carole, I think this is lovely! Of course, I also read your other Seamus/Dean/Parvati story so I understand their dynamic a bit. But as a mystery, this was a GREAT set up! I haven't read Lavender, blue, but I know your fondness for Lavender and Blaise so I had no trouble following and thought the theft of the diamonds was done really well. I'm very curious if Blaise really did it and how he pulled it off. And I think it will be fun watching this particular threesome solve the mystery. Good luck as you continue!
Author's Response: Thank you, Gina, I've had some fun writing this although I'm pretty sure mysteries just aint my thing. I like writing characters and subplots too much. ~Carole~
Summary: Your trade is what some may call a contemptible one, but here and there, you do something decent for someone else. No one will ever thank you for it, instead dwelling upon the less than savoury aspects of your line of work. But you know what you did for one fellow, and that's what counts, isn't it?
Definitely dark, Jess, and probably possible. I'd like to think not likely, though. Poor George. :( Well done second person! At first I thought the narrator/dealer was George. So sad when the red-haired man appeared. Great description and build-up, and I really liked how the beginning circled around to the end.
I was confused, though, at the Aurors showing up. I don't know if Aurors would follow drug dealers, unless there was something Darker going on. But then, you couldn't have included the bit about George being known and recognized, so that's fine. I wasn't sure why the dealer gave him the bag, though, and why he was glad? I wish he had kept it, left George with the Aurors empty-handed. Poor George. :(
Well done if damn depressing, twin!
Well, there is a bit of twisted logic in this story. As the narrator/dealer mentioned, he's seen George's case a thousand times. He knows the cycles of behaviour, as well as the eventual consequences. Which is why he left George holding the figurative and literal bag. He knew that being caught with drugs would mean trouble for George, but he also knew that it would mean rehabilitation efforts. Maybe he thought he was doing a guy a favour by getting him out of a bad life, and in my universe, he did. There were a lot of other things going on, but mainly, it was a quick bout of mercy from a typically cold-hearted drug dealer.
The Aurors, IMO, are like the wizarding FBI, whereas the MLE are like regular police. Each have departments for murder, organised crime, robbery/theft, vice, and all that, but cases get bounced up to the Aurors when the normal MLE forces fail. This dealer had been in the business for a long time, and his senses were good. He'd been tailed for ages, with his case being punted up to the best of the best. That's why they were there. And if the dealer were a wizard, which he is, then that would make him the problem of the Ministry of Magic.
And that was really long winded. But, you can probably figure that most of this info being added in any more than subtly would've cluttered the story immensely.
Anyway, second person is still a dirty whore, but I beat it to bits. :D
What was in the vault numbered seven hundred and thirteen (it's not spotted earmuffs, for sure)? Who took it? What do Knumples and Flimmers have to do with all of this? Did Lord Voldemort die because of trying to breed Heliopaths with giants?
Xenophilius Lovegood believes that sleuthing is just like reporting-- only with fewer exclamation marks. He intends to find out the answers to all these questions, communicating with a mysterious student from Hogwarts. Will he uncover truths that should be hidden? Will he solve the case? Will the Quibbler break the news? Read all about it in What's in the Third Floor Corridor!?--
*Letters, or in other words, words.
This is Sainy Swiftfoot of Hufflepuff writing for the 2011 Mysterious May Challenge in the Great Hall, Prompt 1.
Oh My Prongs and Holy Zechad. That was BRILLIANT and HILARIOUS. I LOVED IT - even more than Henry's story. I laughed and I shook my head and I laughed some more and even gasped a few times. You have a real knack for both clever and biting humor. I love how smart and witty yet ridiculous it is, and yet it never feels contrived. It's just brilliant.
It seems patently clear that Severus Snape is suffering from a dreadful infestation of these Magyckal and Moste Fearfulle Flimmers, as described in Annika “Mad as a Hatter” Antebellum's Anthology of Actual (I Swear They're Real, I Don't Need a Healer!) Animals.
That's better than JKR, I swear.
Quezacotl the Queer Doing Battle with Humely the Hungry Horntail.
It's like Rowling only without a filter, lol.
And then this beautiful sentence:
It rivalled even the fetor of a dozen Dabberblimps decomposing to their death, and we all know what a rank that rises.
Brilliant consonance and still hysterical!
I was reminded of Henry with this one:
A conscience that pricked him the way the memory of that one time you accidentally knocked over and killed a hippopotamus while skinny-flying on a broomstick through Ireland pricks you every now and then.
Skinny-flying? Please write more about that!
I can definitely hear Henry saying something like:
The next few months passed like poo—sometimes agonizingly slowly, sometimes speeding along like diarrhea.
That's one of those sentences where I cringed whilst laughing. Brilliant.
I loved the Secret Society of Scaly and Scary Stepdaughters, as well as Cholomondoley the Cheeky Chimpanzee and all the other creatures and characters you casually mention. It gives the story such depth and verisimilitude. And humor. How did you think of all this? And did you laugh to yourself while writing? Because have I mentioned it was hilarious?
But my favorite, favorite part had to be the descriptions of the professors. Oh Godric, that was brilliant. Too funny, too clever, too true. Loved it, especially the pairings. And Snape - great line about fruit flies. LOLOL!
At first I thought it was Dumbledore himself writing the letters, but the part about the professors seemed a bit mean for him to be writing. Then came the line about Prefect Percy and I sort of wondered, only I didn't give them much thought. So it was a grinning surprise to see who Filch brought up to Dumbledore, and Dumbledore's last line was perfect.
Fantastic job, BB. You have a wonderful style that I have enjoyed reading tremendously throughout this challenge. Good luck!
Summary: In which Minerva reflects that the Castle of Hogwarts is the only entity, living or otherwise, which understands what it means to be in her place.
I liked this. I really enjoyed how you shaped McGonagall's character as well as your writing style. I enjoyed the idea of her relationship with Albus as well, though I suspect there will be others who do not. And I thought you did a great job with Tom Riddle in particular - his character was well written and his return to Hogwarts was fantastic.
The way you tied the story of the selfish giant to Riddle was great. I would have liked it to be a bit clearer when Dumbledore was telling the story, though - just a bit more distinction between Minerva's thoughts and the tale. But that's minor, as it was a really unique way to tie Riddle and the castle to the story.
One thing is really jumping out at me, however:
In 1956, Tom Riddle killed my brother. The Aurors were unable to retrieve his body, but addressed to me came an owl bearing an urn of ash in which was buried a handful of Galleons. I joined the Order of the Phoenix, pledged my alliance to Dumbledore and returned to Hogwarts as a teacher.
The Order of the Phoenix was not created until the 1970s after Voldemort returned to England and began his rise to power. So Minerva could not have joined the Order as a gut reaction to her brother's death. I also wonder about Riddle killing someone so early and so obviously--and getting away with it. I have little doubt that he did, but in the context of your story, if Minerva knew it was Riddle, how was Riddle not caught and punished? I think addressing that would satisfy any other picky readers like me, as well as tweaking the timeline in regards to Minerva joining the Order.
I hope you don't find this review bothersome! I really enjoyed your story and wish you luck with your writing as I think it's quite good. It was nice to read something so original. :)
Author's Response: Thank you, Gina! I'm very sorry for the delayed reply. Yes, you are right about the year the Order was started. I'd had concerns regarding that liberty taken when I decided to go ahead with 1957. It's great to hear you liked the references to the Wilde short story :) I'm very happy that you wrote to me about the story and highlighted the elements you liked as well as those you found unconvincing! Thanks again :)
Summary: Written for the Copycat Challenge of Poetry Anyone? - this poem's style and meter is directly copied from William Blake's masterpiece, And Did Those Feet in Ancient Time, which is far better known in the version put to music, an Anglican hymn called "Jerusalem."
This poem describes the joy that I feel when reading the Harry Potter books.
I think it's lovely. I just read the Blake poem and think you did a wonderful job paralleling it. Reading the original helped me understand the first two stanzas, as well. I had to read those several times to get a feel for them (the Chose One of love feels awkward.) The last two stanzas work really well, particularly the Accio lines, although I wonder if a Patronus Charm would work as well as a Lumos charm at the end. Overall, I really do get a sense of joy from this poem. Great job! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you got that sense of joy from it! Yeah, I can see how reading it as a poem would make some of the lines sound awkward. When writing it, I heard it to the tune of "Jerusalem," which makes the phrasing kind of weird. Thank you for reviewing! ~Virgil
Summary: Remus Lupin is an outsider by the very nature of his condition. But whilst his friends dream in colour, his nights are monochrome. It doesn't disturb him much, it's just the way he is.
Then a late night conversation changes his mindset in a way that scares him and makes him wonder what he actually 'is'. He cannot feel that way - not about Sirius Black.
OMM&P This jointly won BEST SSP QSQ at the 2011 awards. Thank you. And yay for Ariana who wrote Two to Tango - the other winner.
I am not JK Rowling, in fact I'm not even sure I'm Equinox Chick at this moment ...
This story is for Gina (Gmariam) who is celebrating her 21st birthday. :) It is a measure of how much I adore her that I'm writing this pairing for her.
Thank you very much, Kara (Karaley Dargen) for beta'ing this story for me.
Thanks also for teh flist for sticking by me when I was haranguing them. I owe you.
Due to an MNFF glitch, I have lowered the rating on this to 3rd-5th so people can read it. However this is normally a Professors rating. You click at your own risk.
Carole. Carole. Carole. Carole.
Thank you so much!! It's gorgeous and I love it and I'm stunned and honored that you've written such a piece for my birthday. Let me try to form some more cohesive thoughts…
First of all, I have to admit, when I saw this was about Remus and Sirius, and Professors no less, I thought. "Hmmm. Me, shipping Remus/Sirius? Carole, writing Remus/Sirius?" For some reason I seem to recall that you're not a fan? Well, I hope your own story changed your mind, lol!
I was captivated from the beginning thanks to the beautiful prose. The whole introduction about dreams was just amazing. Poor, poor Remus! I love your battered, bruised take on his psyche, even as a youngster. Even more, I loved your Sirius. Dark, brooding, slightly bitter and snarky. Perfect. The scene by the fire illustrated his impatience so well.
Each scene was perfectly chosen, perfectly paced. The bit with Peter forgetting how to transform was very scary! At first, I wondered if you were hinting at something from LoG, but I don’t think that was Peter, and I don't think that was seventh year, was it? The idea that Peter would still struggle with that and that it could have lead to something so terrifying is brilliant. Wow.
And then the scene where Sirius is tending to Remus and goads him into admitting his feelings! So good, so charged. Great buildup, wonderful tension. Ahhhh, loved it.
Throughout you have Sirius talking to Remus about settling, which is so interesting because then we come to the prefects' bath and it all comes crashing down. I think I actually went "Oh no," when I got to that final word. It was heartbreaking, it really was. And yet, it fits: Sirius's bitter attitude, his constant talk about settling. So sad to think he felt like he was settling for Remus, when Remus is such a good person-just not the one Sirius loved.
James. Hee hee. Loved his brief mentions, his shag with Lily, but I really liked that it was James, because (and this sounds really selfish of me, lol) it sort of fits with that story I wrote for Natalie about James and Sirius. In my warped mind Sirius has turned to Remus now that James is with Lily—and really, that is very sad for all of them.
The scene at Grimmauld Place just did so much for the story, wrapping it up perfectly. First, to mention that it broke the trust between them was brilliant. Such a subtle reminder of all that went wrong. To see them friends again in spite of what happened between them was beautiful. And then Tonks. Ah Tonks! What a great introduction, what great foreshadowing. I love that you ended this on a happy note for Remus. Having his dreams change back to colour really brought it back to the sad beginning, but with that hopeful feel.
There were so many layers to this, it's amazing. I envy your easy way with their banter and the slang and colloquialisms I so love to mangle. The dream references were fantastic. And that Ravenclaw? That was me, right? RIGHT??
Well, that should do it – thank you so much, Carole! What a perfect way to start my day! I look forward to reading this again and hope you get many, many fantastic reviews for it!
Author's Response: Which Ravenclaw? The mystery one who didn' really exist, or Grace Allerby and her big tits who shagged both Sirius and James - ha ha I know which one I'd rather be. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, for such a lovely review that I shall read again and again. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I know you don't particularly ship Sirius/Remus, but I remember you asking me why I didn't (it was a long long time ago in my duelling thread) and I know you're interested in that ship. I found when I wrote it that it flowed quite easily, but then I also knew the way it would end. I had the first line in my head before I started writing it, and I had the killer word there as well, and then the end just seemed to fit.
I don't think Sirius turned to Remus because of Lily and James, exactly, but I think he turned to him because he knew James wasn't gay because he was very interested in girls. He does love Remus, but it's James who is the 'one' as I said, the person he really wants to be with but can't have in that way. I'm glad you picked up on the settling bits because I was going to have a scene where they rowed about Sirius settling for Remus, but then that detracted from the whole bathroom scene. I left it at GP in the end and Tonks arriving to bring him some colour.
Thank you again for reviewing. I haven't felt this good about a story in some time, despite it being so far from my OTP, so I am incredibly pleased with your response. ~Carole~
Summary: There were blind spots in his mind. They said he might recover the lost memories; they also said there was a high possibility he might not. Along came a girl, and everything changed.Warning: This story is originally rated Professors, for the bunch of warning tags applicable to it. The rating has been changed temporarily only because we're having some technical problem with stories that have higher ratings. So, please click at your own discretion. This story is written for ToBeOrNot..../Jess, my close friend and one of the most gifted writers I know. O Believer of Rarepairs, this is my fluff-free, dark and angsty present for you.
Hi Natalie! Great beginning! I love the style, and particularly like these mysterious bits with the Healer than you've woven in. I have all sorts of ideas starting to form, but I know you've probably got some lovely twists planned so I'm just going to enjoy the ride. Needless to say, I like your Theodore, the writing is great, and your research is amazing! I'm looking to reading the next chapter later tonight!
Author's Response: YAY. I'd love to know what theories you have formed till now. :D I am happy you like the style I've adopted here. And thanks for the compliment on the research LOL. Ultimately, I had to drop what I was tearing my hair around that night, but I've retained the basics. :) Hope you enjoy the rest!
I think this chapter doesn't have any reviews because it pretty much twists everything I was thinking and makes me want to read the next chapter without stopping. Which I did, but I'm back. It's great foreshadowing, though, now that I know how it plays out! You really get us into Theo's character, and the buildup of the Healer's role - as enigmatic as it is - is very well done. So now I'm off to review the end!
Author's Response: Gina!
I hate giving things away to people like me who read reviews, but I have to say I really didn't expect any of that! I mean, I had a feeling Padma might be involved and that maybe, just maybe, one of them was the Healer, but I didn't think it would turn out so twisted and tragic for poor Theo. And yet, looking back, of course it did. The clues are all there! Wonderful job pacing out the reveal, Natalie. And more than anything, great job getting the readers to really, truly sympathize with Theo. I mean, I just felt awful for him at the end. And then the last bit with the Healer - guh! So dark, so bitter. Yes, I could see why you would write something like this for Jess, lol! It was very well done and she is a lucky girl to get her angst and her rarepair all in one.
Great job, Natalie! I hope you get more reads and reviews so people can appreciate how well crafted this was. *hugs*
Author's Response: Ginaaaaaa! Thanks for sticking to reviewing till the end. :') I am glad you found my little twists surprising, because I know you read very carefully. To be able to surprise you is a compliment. Thanks for all the lovely words, and looks like your blessings are working. :D
Summary: She was suffering from the change in a relationship, he from a broken heart. In a moment of weakness, with the pangs of lonliness, the two find their relationship take a turn from friendship into something with the potential for more.
Hi Maple! This is a nice story for Jess! First of all, I could definitely see Hermione getting fed up with some of Ron's characteristics. I'm not sure if I could picture him sleeping until 2:30pm in the afternoon, but I could still see her getting frustrated with his more relaxed way of living. And then to go ahead and clean up while he's sleeping - haha, so Hermione! :)
I'm really curious about Ron's reaction. I liked that he was mature about it - I would have hated to see him rant and rave and sob over it. It would be interesting to see his point of view in this break up, because again - I could see it happening. I can imagine a mature Ron agreeing. It seemed a bit rushed when Hermione left, but I could still see that reaction. I think they'll overcome it, though. ;)
That Hermione cried afterwards was nice. Even if you are ready to break up with someone, it's still hard. She recognized that it was 'the end of an era' and that was good. My only quibble might be with her wanting to go out and meet guys: "She wanted to go out, check out guys and just generally have a good time without the restriction of being in a relationship." This seems slightly OOC in that it's right after the breakup and for some reason I can see Hermione curling up with a book before heading out to pick up guys, lol.
Poor Harry and Ginny! Harry seemed much more upset than Ron over the breakup of his relationship. I could see Harry and Hermione kissing as a form of comfort. It was sweet. What I liked, though, was that Hermione recognized what it was and broke it off, and they laughed about it. Nice little tease at the end, though. ;)
I think you wrote a nice scene here for Harry and Hermione. I would only suggest not rushing certain parts even if you just want to get on with things (although I could certainly cite rushed examples of my own work, lol) Taking even a few extra sentences to develop plot or character never hurts, and always adds depth to the story - esp. when you have to hide your canon card. ;)
Nice job, I hope you get more reviews!!
Author's Response: YAY! You reviewed me :D I definately think that you made some excellent points there that I will definately keep in mind when I write :D And I have no doubt that everyone will work it all out eventually. I just don't understand Harmony and find it difficullt to write. Thanks for all the constructive crit, it is definately very helpful :) ~Maple