Penname: Gmariam [Contact]
Real name: Gina
Member Since: 05/04/06
Website:
Beta-reader:
Status: Member
Bio:
Welcome to my author page!

I am a teacher, musician, reader, and avid Harry Potter fan. I am originally from the Midwest and now live a bit farther south. I am thrilled to be a proud member of RAVENCLAW House and enjoyed being a site moderator for a time as well.

I hope you enjoy the many stories and poems I have written. I am proud of them all and appreciate any feedback you might care to leave (in other words, reviews are love!) I've listed them below with a short description since I know trolling through summaries can be tedious. Thanks for reading!

EDIT: Someday I will categorize my stories by genre. Today is not that day. ;)
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Reviews by Gmariam
 

Going Against Salazar's Grain by hestiajones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 12]

Summary: Past Featured Story"Sometimes," said Dumbledore, "we sort too soon."





Originally writtten for TTB's ReSorting Challenge. Many, many thanks to Riham (padfoot_returns) for her wonderful work on this story. :D



This story won a 2011 QSQ for Best Alternate Universe in the one-shot category.



DISCLAIMER: I am not J.K.Rowling, though everything you recognise belongs to her. AU because Dumbledore was a Gryffindor. ;)

Categories: Alternate Universe Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 1189 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/11/10 Updated: 08/14/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 08/14/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

That was cool. :) They way you set it up totally made sense that Dumbledore would be Sorted into Slytherin. Of course, one could argue that he was brave enough to do what had to be done, and that's why he was Sorted into Gryffindor. Are you going to write more? Like, how Dumbledore reacts to being in Slytherin? Or will the story shift to Snape? Because the end ties to that nicely, but I'd like to see more of Dumbledore too.
Very nice little AU here! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Egads! I would love to write more of this, but I dunno. My brain has been consumed by PI so much - lol - and also, my huge syllabus for the first MA semester, I can't think of anything 'fanfictionly'. :O But...hmm...you got me thinking. Hehe. Thanks for reading and reviewing!



~Natalie.

 

Taking Direction by WeasleyMom
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 115]

Summary: What if the characters in the Harry Potter films were portrayed—not by actors—but by the book versions of themselves, as created by Rowling? How might things unfold on that set? What would the characters think of the changes made from the stories they’d already lived out… to the ones written for the script?

This fic is a series of one-shots, posted as chapters, each from the perspective of a different character who is dealing with the changes occurring between the book and the script.

 

Holy Movie Canon, Batman! This fic won the 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award for Best Chaptered Humor Story. Thanks so, so much!

 



Categories: Humor Fics Genre: Warnings: Alternate Universe

Word count: 5896 Chapters: 4 Completed: No
Published:
08/23/10 Updated: 02/06/13


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 08/23/10 Title: Chapter 1: Jazz Hands

Yes! It's up! I am so glad. Seriously, I laughed out loud the entire time I was reading it, and I've already read it several times. It's just so bloody brilliant and original. And funny, oh so funny. Tortured? Jazz hands? Just semantics? HAHAHA!
And yet this time I noticed something else as well: there is a bit of darkness in there, isn't there? It's not just a parody of the how the movies play on the books, it's a biting commentary on how the films miss a lot of important points about the characters themselves. We moan and groan about it every time a new movie comes out, but here we get to see how the characters themselves feel about being short-shifted on screen. And it sounds much more authentic coming from them, somehow.
I hope that made sense. :D
And then Tonks' incredible perception "All this...this is just fiction." Ah, brilliant. And it could be said of fanfic too, couldn't it? Love it. What a great line, a great insight.
I really can't wait to see what you do with the next one! I can only begin to imagine what Sirius might have to say to The Director, or how Dumbledore feels about some of the things the script has put in his mouth. Oh, I'm laughing already! Write up! And good luck as you continue! :)
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Hmm... Sirius... I had not considered his perspective in this. I have two other ones in mind, though I've also considered adding in the reaction of Dumbledore to his angry movie counterpart... so I guess that is three more. Yay! This is going to be fun! I'm so glad you mentioned that serious tone of this as well. I expect that will continue in most of them. There really are upsetting implications for the characters with some of the changes we see in the movies. It will be interesting to explore them. Thanks so much for your continued encouragement, Gina. This would not have made it to the archives if not for the change you suggested. :)

 
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 01/19/11 Title: Chapter 3: Saving It for Seven

Well, you already know what I think and which parts I love, but I had to come by anyway and say YAY! Because you know what my favorite part is? Watching you get so many positive reviews for your amazing idea. :) That and the Shoelace bit - still laughing! And I think the end is perfect - awesome! I can't wait for the next part!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Dude, these reviews are not good for my ego! I think people just need a laugh, as Ron said Fred reckoned in HBP. :D Thanks again for all your amazing help. I honestly think my favorite part is the bit you added about Ron's helmet, even though no one has mentioned it. I laughed out loud when I edited it earlier... which would be arrogant, except that bit was your idea. Hehe. Thanks a million for everything, Gina, and this nice review on top of it.

 

Swimming Lessons by WeasleyMom
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 46]

Summary: Past Featured StorySix weeks after the battle, Hermione puts on a bathing suit for the first time in nearly a year... scars are revealed as painful memories rise to the surface yet again.

I almost submitted this under dark/angst, but at the end of the day, I see it as Ron/Hermione. *shrug* Also, a gazillion thanks to my awesometastic beta Natalie, and to both Neil and Carole for helping me with all things British. :D

I'm thrilled to announce that this story was nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill in the category Best Canon Romance. YAY!

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Violence

Word count: 1715 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/26/10 Updated: 08/29/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 08/29/10 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

That is a very touching look into Hermione's character. We really don't know what happened to her at Malfoy Manor or how it affected her, and this is a beautiful scene exploring just that. What is so nice is that it is set in an everyday, ordinary moment - getting ready to go swimming - yet it explores extraordinary events, this terrible thing that happened to Hermione. It's also very subtle - I don't think I need to know the gory details of it, and so you addressed it perfectly. And then both of their reactions just seem perfect - Hermione is not completely broken, and Ron is completely accepting. Ah, he's so sweet and mature here, I love it! Very nice writing, Lori! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Who knows what it really would have been like for any of them, trying to recover from all of this stuff? But when I think of Hermione, I think of her being very strong, yet at the same time, very weepy. In my imagination, she does very well with regular life, and then its the surprising little things, the everyday things, that sort of set her off and cause a bit of emotional fright or trauma. Sort of the way it is with grief. And it is a kind of grief really, isn't it? Thanks so much for your thoughts and for the lovely review, Gina. I always get especially excited to see reviews from writers whose work I love to read. :)

 

Frozen Silence by Equinox Chick
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: A poem (nay, a tritina!) written about the last moments of Sirius Black's death.

Disclaimer: Although I may want to own Sirius Black (and often claim he's my husband), he does in fact belong to JK Rowling.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 112 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/15/10 Updated: 09/15/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 09/16/10 Title: Chapter 1: Frozen Silence

I think this is a neat poem that definitely qualifies as 'mysterious.' The language really sets the tone well. It's quite sad at times. Did you pick the three words yourself or were they assigned to you for the challenge? Working all three into the final line must have been challenging! Lovely job! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks Gina, I picked all three words myself, and on advice from Natalie picked words that were normal - that way it's easier to make the tritina flow. ~Carole~

 

Summary:

All Teddy Lupin had ever wanted was to be the kind of man his godfather was. He even followed in Harry's footsteps and became an Auror.

Harry wanted nothing more than to be the father that Teddy would never have, but work and obligations always seemed to get in the way. Before he knew it, Teddy was all grown up. How had he missed all those precious moments? He knew he had to make up for it somehow.

After all, they had all the time in the world, right?

 

This fic WON a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Post-Hogwarts Story



Categories: Post-Hogwarts Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity, Violence

Word count: 6160 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/15/10 Updated: 09/19/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 09/22/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Really nice story, Jess! First of all, it's a great title. You *are* good at titles, that's for sure. Second of all, it felt plausible that this would happen to Harry and Teddy, especially once Harry had children of his own. Do I want it to play out that way or do I think it will should JKR ever extend her canon? No and probably not, but you made it believable and sad. And I think what really made it sadder was that Teddy was so accepting about it, he still loved Harry and loved every minute he had to spend with his godfather, no matter what. This also makes sense, because it just seems like something the son of Remus Lupin would do: continue to love unconditionally. On the other hand, he wasn't raised by Remus and Tonks, so you could have also taken him the other direction and made him bitter and resentful, like his grandmother. But I like this Teddy.

The build-up to the climax at the party was well-done, as was the party itself. I thought Harry's reaction to the threat seemed appropriate, and Teddy's reaction to Harry's kidnapping was brilliant. What a great Auror he would have made.

I was confused by this paragraph:
Rowle wrapped an arm around Harry’s throat and began to squeeze. Harry’s face began to turn a reddish-purple colour and his eyes would not stay open. He had to act quickly. In one smooth motion, he whipped out his wand and cried, “Diffindo!”

I just had to read it several times to know whether it was Teddy or Harry who used the Severing Charm. I know that was Teddy's section, his POV, but since he was not mentioned in that paragraph, the pronoun is not clear. 'Teddy had to act quickly" might clear that up for dunderheads like me. How's that for a nitpick?

Now, I have a few questions. Why does Harry feel sick when he sees Teddy fall? Why not anger or shock or anything like that? Just curious about how you chose to frame that entire paragraph. Also, did you consider having Harry use a stronger spell than 'Stupefy'? I could see that happening.

Teddy's death was very sad, and yet…touching. I don't know how to describe it, but it seemed right, somehow. He's an Auror and he gave his life to save someone. It's tragic irony that it was Harry, and that's what twists the sadness into something more. Harry's reaction was gutwrenching. *sniff*

Another question: why did you include Draco at the end? Was he in on it? I apologize for not being up on your personal Potterverse history, lol. I got the impression he might be in on it. If not, I'm not sure why he was there, if only to wrench it a bit more for Harry.

The end was so subtle, so quiet. And that was perfect after what just happened. I can't see you ending this with Harry sobbing in Ginny's arms or something melodramatic like that. You chose the perfect way to end it.

If I were to offer any concrit, it would only be to watch the tone. A few times it fell into a bit too familiar vernacular with a 'yeah' or a 'sure' which seemed more suited to dialogue than narrative. Watch me use both in my next story and get hexed for it, but it's something to think about in terms of evenness and flow and how you want to present the voice of the story.

There you have it. As always, I enjoyed reading your work. Great idea, great writing, and some lovely angst. Kudos, twin! Keep it up! ~Gina a86;

Author's Response:

Hola, Twin!

As I have re-read your review and ooh-ed and ahh-ed over the lovely praise, I'll just skip to the questions you had for the sake of brevity.

I will go back and edit the part with Harry and Teddy and the ambiguous use of 'he'. After re-reading that in a non-associated fashion, it does seem a bit confusing.

Harry felt sick because he blamed himself for Teddy being dead. He didn't take the death threat seriously and wasn't prepared for the attack. On a normal day, he would have escaped rather handily, but because he was only humouring Teddy and staving off boredom, he was captured. If I knew someone had died because I had not done my best, especially if it had been someone I loved, I'd feel sick, too.

I used 'stupefy' because I don't think Harry was angry enough to try an Unforgivable. I'm sure if he could have Crucioed himself, he would have, but he was in too much shock and disgusted with himself to do anything more than a reflex, rudimentary defense spell.

Draco's appearance is something of an implied presence. He was at the fundraiser thing because he's part of the upper fcrust of society, plus he has money. Why he went outside is a different matter. To me, he noticed the presence of the former Death Eater (Yaxley was the unkempt waiter) and knew something was afoot. He then noticed Teddy talking to Harry and looking distraught. When the lights went out and then the powder was gone, Draco noticed that Harry was missing and Teddy looked frantic. That's when Draco went outside, as well, where he basically saw the tail end of what had happened. He offered to help Harry because he did owe Harry that much, not only as a father himself, but since Harry had kept him out of prison and all. I thought, for Malfoy, he was acutally quite sweet.

As for the tone, I sort of wanted it to be a mix of streaming thought and narration. I wanted the narration to be reflective of the character himself, not just a stolid third party. That didn't fit for what I wanted.

I'm glad you liked the ending. This is, coincidentally, what I have planned as teh beginning of the end for Harry and Ginny. For I am ebil.

Lovely review, dear. I hope I can (finally) get around to stalking your review page soon. :D

~Jess

 

Summary:

To most lycanthropes, it is a curse. To one, he relishes it and the power it gives him. Who is this one?

See Fenrir Greyback and his transformation from man to beast.

 

This tritina was written for the Department of Mysteries Challenge in the Poetry Anyone forum of the Beta Boards. By some miracle, it won first place. (love you, Jules)

This poem was also nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Poem



Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 141 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/15/10 Updated: 09/16/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 09/16/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I'm still laughing over how much you put this down, only to win first place! It really is quite good, now that I've read it a few times and am finally starting to understand the form. What sets it apart, I think, is the three verbs that start each stanza. That's briliiant, and your word choice for each set really sets a dark and forbidding tone, perfect for the character. The three words were a great choice, and always flowed smoothly. My only question would be about using 'midnight lord' for while I get the point about the werewolf coming out at night, I'm still reminded a bit much of 'Dark Lord' and wonder how something else might read there. But really, I couldn't have written something like this, so who am I to say anything? It's great - congratulations! You'll get us another Cup yet! ;) ~Gina :)

Author's Response:

Hello there, twin of mine!

I'm still not convinced that this poem is any good, as the format of it is a complete bastard, but I suppose it's more about the subject matter than what I actually wrote for it. I used the three-verb triplets to add to the theme of 'three', plus, they just sounded cool at the time. 

I chose 'midnight lord' because of Greyback's delusions of grandeur. In his mind, he was more than just Moldy Shorts's lackey and minion. He was a force of nature, a dark prince that only deigned to follow another. No one said he was very bright, lol.

Lovely review, milady. I shall see you around. I'm writing Katie/Oliver at the moment, instead of hacking at the gargantuan list I have going on.

*hugs*

~Jesssssssss

 

Shrouds by Equinox Chick
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 79]

Summary: Not all Voldemort’s victims were on the side of right.

Over a year has passed since the Battle of Hogwarts. Families grieve, but their dead are remembered with honour.

For Draco Malfoy it has been a year of nothing. Merely existing, he is bound tightly to his past as if enveloped in a shroud, unwilling to accept help. It takes a chance encounter on a cobbled street to jerk him into the realisation that he cannot go on like this. A chance encounter with the one person who has most cause to hate him.

But shrouds, however tightly bound, unravel.

A huge thank you to Natalie (hestiajones) who put her laminated canon card in jeopardy by beta'ing this fic and being very supportive all the way through.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. Her lawyers agree, so please don't mistake us. I just like taking the odd liberty (ahem) with her characters (and pairings)

Nominated for two QSQ's in Best Non-Canon Romance and also Best Post Hogwarts story for 2011. Thank you.



Categories: Hermione/Draco Genre: Warnings: Mental Disorders, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 41216 Chapters: 6 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/18/10 Updated: 10/30/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 11/06/10 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6 - My Talisman

Aw, it's over! Now I understand why you were sad, because it was so fun to read each new twist, and now there are no more. I read this the other night on my iPod before bed, but it would take an hour to type up a review there, lol. Plus I could think about it.;)

You did such a neat job with Draco's character that I was rather rooting for him and Hermione. You set up Ron as such a jerk that I didn't want Hermione to go back to him. In this chapter, You've created sympathy for him again, but I have to admit I share some of Draco's doubt, and sort of wish Hermione hadn't gone back to Ron. At the same time, Draco and Hermione are probably too messed up to really be together successfully. Their brief affair helped them heal wounds, but I don't know if would have lasted. What do you think? I know you said you considered taking it AU - what changed your mind?

Ooh, I can go duel you about this sometime! Ah-ha!

I did notice some punctuation things, but that's probably because I was in punctuation whore/beta mode earlier this week. ;)

I think my favorite part was the end: the letter was a perfect way to close the story, wow. I hope Draco finds happiness, which is huge because most of the time I'd wish him misery. But your story was great, with such strong characterization and a really plausible plot. I am going to be watching Draco differently when the DH movie comes out now and picturing some of this happening not long after. ;)

Wonderful story, I enjoyed it tremendously.
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Gina a a a a, Thank you so much for reviewing. This was a hard chapter to write because I didn't want the story to end. I did consider making it AU, but realistically I couldn't see it working out between them. They are far too different. So, I had to split them up. Ron was a jerk, but a troubled jerk and just uncomprehending of what was going on around him. I like to think they'll be happy now, but perhaps Draco will cross their paths one more time ... Draco being happy? Hmm, in my mind, Draco does love Astoria, so maybe that's where he fully heals. Oh dear, I;m getting sentimental over Malfoy now. Never thought that would happen. Blooming fanfiction, drives me insane. ~Carole~

 
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/25/10 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5 - Situations Vacant

I already told you this, but this was a great surprise! I really didn't expect that from Ron, and it's an awesome twist. And yet, it totally makes sense that Ron was just so dumb and clueless. At the same time, it totally makes sense that Hermione jumped the gun, believed the worst, and fell into bed with Draco. Eep!

You've put her in such a situation here, and so effortlessly. It's going to be tough for her, isn't it? You've done such a great job with Draco that part of me is rooting for her and Draco. He needs her. And yet, my canon card is calling and it only seems fair she give Ron a second chance. Only what's going to happen when someone finds out about her and Draco??

You know what else is neat? I was just asking in Fiction Junction about a fic that was about Ron leaving the Aurors to go to the shop, and it's like you hand-delivered the scene. Again, your characterization of Ron was great.

But so was Draco. O.O

Ah! I can't wait to see how it plays out!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Oh, Gina, when you asked that question, I was so tempted to type 'Read Shrouds!' but that would have ruined Ron's revelation. Yeah, Ron was dumb, but I think he has fairly low self-esteem (even after the Battle) so he wouldn't have realised what it looked like with Verity. Hmm, Draco/Hermione or Ron/Hermione, Cake or Cards ... it's a tough choice. Thank you ~Carole~

 
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 09/18/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Blood and Glass

Good start! What I like about this is that it's not *just* Hermione and Draco suddenly falling for each other - the others are there as well, and it will be interesting to see their reactions as things progress. Hermione and Draco do not pair up in a vacuum; there would be ruffled feathers all around, I imagine. Loved the Harry/Ginny dynamic in particular.

You've also set up a really interesting mystery with Ron. I've always thought that non-canon romances were most believable when they addressed the canon couple breaking up. So obviously whatever is going on with Ron - and you've set up his psyche nicely - is affecting his relationship with Hermione. Right now I sort of feel bad for Ron, but not knowing what exactly you've got planned, I'm not sure if you intend him to be sympathetic or not.

The dreams both are having are very vivid, and I like the idea of Draco suffering these guilty nightmares and then punishing himself with then. He seemed to open up to Hermione a bit quickly at times, but I also sensed some desperation mingled with his surprise at doing so. It's like he needs her forgiveness.

Good use of the title so far. :D

Overall, it's a nice start as I believe in what's happened so far and really want to see what happens next!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Mmm, I can't understand why anyone would just suddenly fall in love (myself and Davis Tennant being the exceptions of course). I couldn't write a Dramione without the others. They're an important part of Hermione, so to ignore them sets up an AU ... which this isn't. Thank you so much for the review. I hope the rest of the fic is as plausible. ~Carole~

 
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/10/10 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4 - Godric's Girl

And now I understand the chandelier on your banner. :)
Very nice scene of Draco and Hermione coming together after her upsetting encounter with Ron and Verity. Sure, Hermione may have been upset and vulnerable, but Draco recognized that and even though he knew he should stop, he still wanted her, he still wanted to take the chance that it would work out. I felt bad for him afterward. The scene at Malfoy Manor was really heartbreaking - every time he tried to Apparate and failed. And the thought of Draco Malfoy falling so far that he spent the night on the street. Really, really unique and daring way to take his character. And yet, there were some very introspective parts that really show that this could happen to him.
The symbolism of the teardrop crystals is really brilliant. I'm glad Hermione accepted them and is coming around. I am nervous, however, of the repercussions elsewhere! I am so curious where you are going to take this, since I see a hundred different ways this could turn out. Good luck as you continue to share!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Oh yes, the chandelier - the one thing I asked for on that glorious banner of Julia's. Hmm, I'm not sure Draco was thinking so much about things 'working out' between them, he's still Draco Malfoy, after all. I wonder if you've guessed how this pans out ... Ms Trelawney - heh heh. Thank you so much for the review and your continued support. ~Carole~

 
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 09/25/10 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 - Fight or Flight

Now that's an angle! Really nice job with the psychological stuff on both Draco and Hermione's part. I like Draco angsty and guilt-ridden, and Hermione's post-traumatic stress disorder (that's what it seems like, really) feels very real. I haven't read much Dramione either, but it seems like a unique and believable way to bring them together.
And Ron - Ron, Ron, Ron. First of all, just when it seemed like he might open up, stupid Harry and Ginny trip in. Isn't there some way of knocking before you Floo in on someone? I have often wondered that. That was so awkward, the way Ginny ruined Hermione's story. I don't blame Rom for being upset.
I know Hermione thought Ron was going after Draco, but at the end I couldn't help but wonder if he ran off to another woman. He was surprisingly mature about the breakup at the end and I could see that happening, especially if he was seeing someone else. It will be interesting to see whether or not that's the case or if I'm just justifying both of their behaviors with it. ;)
I LOVED the kiss, because those kind of slam-together-out-of-the-blue-what-the-hell-are-you-doing kisses are just kind of a thrill to read. I grinned big time. And I feel very badly for Draco. I don't see him manipulating Hermione (which, if that happens, you will hear a deafening "Nooooooo!" from across the pond) but rather reaching out for forgiveness. Knowing you've written much more, it will be fun to see if and when she gives it to him and how she gets there. It's a tough call for both of them.
A very good chapter, with lots left hanging to look forward to ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you, Gina. I was worried that the opening chapters were a bit ponderous, but I needed to set up Draco's (and Hermione's) state of mind. Ron is .... um ... well let's see. Oh, I am glad you liked the kiss. I just needed something arrogant and not at all tender at that moment because they're not a couple at all, but Draco I always think is unpredictable. I shall update soon once I've tweaked chapter 3. Thanks again. And can I say, it means a lot that you're reading and reviewing because you're a canon girl - like me. ~Carole~

 
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/02/10 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3 - Chicken Soup

Awesome cliffhanger!
I was right about Ron! It just seemed like something was going on with him to be that mature about the breakup. It also lends a nice degree of depth to the story. Verity was an interesting choice for his new girlfriend, since I've read more fics with her paired up with Fred or George. Much better than introducing a random OC, though, and much better than putting him back together with Lavender!

I still love your angsty Draco. I feel like there is still some mystery to him, something we don't know that is really, really torturing him. I like how you are building it piece by piece. His throwaway comment about Greyback makes me wonder if he is a werewofl? I was a bit surprised that he was waiting for Hermione and so readily asked for her help, but on the other hand, you've set it up well enough that *she* is somehow at the root of his mental torture, so it makes sense that he would seek her out for absolution. And I do believe that he is capable of change. And then I really sort of liked the way Hermione kissed him to stop him talking: An angsty, depressed kiss is sometimes just as good as a passionate, fiery, in-the-middle-of-a-row kiss. ;)

Deperately awkward scene at the party. Ron, Ron, Ron. Too soon. But that would be in character, wouldn't it? Even Ginny acknowledges it. Ginny and Hermione's conversation was well-done, it was good to touch on Ginny's bad feelings about the Malfoys from CoS.

You can tell you've done your research when it comes to DH and tons of other small details. That makes it seem very, very close to canon. :) Can't wait to see where it goes, and how Hermione recovers from being Splinched!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Oh, thank you Gina. Hmm, you've touched on a few things here that are still a bit WIP - ha ha - I think I need to get Nat back on the case. I nearly cut that kiss, actually, so I'm glad you liked it. Yes, there is a bit more to Draco's angst and also his seeking out Hermione, Thanks for reading and reviewing. ~Carole~

 

Cut by hestiajones
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 19]

Summary: She thought having her hair cut would make a difference. Unfortunately, she was right.



Warning: This story is originally rated 6th-7th year for language and sexual situations. The rating has been changed temporarily only because we're having some technical problem with stories that have higher ratings. So, please click at your own discretion.

Thanks to Carole for her excellent Brit-picking, sentences (heehee), and summary. Thanks also to Gina for agreeing to read through this, for all her suggestions and comments. And finally, to Kara and Lea for their support and encouragement.



DISCLAIMER: This isn’t J.K Rowling. This is a fanfic writer on a mission to submit to every category available on the archives.



Nominated for a QSQ in the Same Sex Pairing category.

Categories: Femmeslash Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 4062 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/28/10 Updated: 10/03/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/04/10 Title: Chapter 1: Cut

Hi Natalie!

I think this is a really lovely story. You've created two fresh, beautiful girls here. You do such a great job with minor characters, I'm jealous. What I really love is how you brought in bits of both girls' culture and heritage to make them deeper and more real. Plus their friendship is obvious and sincere.

I think the little tweaks you made here and there really worked to strengthen the story. I loved the line about Bill's long hair! That was a great connection!

I wondered while reading it again if the girls would have used a Disillusionment Charm in that one part to affect Dom's short hair, or some sort of Transfiguration Charm. I think a Disillusionment Charm might be better for hiding something.

The other thing that really struck me while reading this was how amazingly fluid it is. I already said this, but reading it again I really noticed how perfectly the memories flow from the current action. It's seemless and really great writing.

I got the impression from Lakshmi that she's not really sure about things, especially after she was talking to Dom about the failed kiss. Was that intended? I know sometimes people fall for someone who doesn't return their feelings, but it would be nice to see this couple give it a try. I hope you write more, you've got a great start here! Wonderful job and I'm glad I could help with it!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Gina!



It feels good to hear my characterisation for the two girls worked - and mish-mash of memories fit into he narrative. :) You are right about Lakshmi; she isn't sure about her sexuality, and is going for the guy. I do have a sequel planned, in which things will get a bit clearer, and a bit...smuttier. Heehee!



Thanks for your help, and THANKS for the review. You're awesome!!!



~Natalie.

 

Hope by keara96
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 2]

Summary: A poem set during Sirius Black's time in Azkaban.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 123 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/01/10 Updated: 10/11/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/13/10 Title: Chapter 1: Hope

I liked that very much! I often find free verse difficult to follow, but there was something about how this was organized that made it very easy to read. It described the situation very well, and built up to a very good ending. I only wonder how the last line would read if it were 'Sirius Black would not give up' instead. It sort of looks to the future a bit more, which was the feeling I got from the rest of the poem. It's just a thought. I liked this, nice job! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you SO much! I'm glad you liked it. I liked your idea about the last line also. I hadn't really thought that way about it. Thanks again for reading and reviewing :)

 

Broken by msk8
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: A poem about the despair of the people who opposed Voldemort in the seventh book.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 162 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/01/10 Updated: 10/11/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/12/10 Title: Chapter 1: Poem

I think this is a good poem! I only wanted more. :) I particularly liked the imagery of 'landscapes guarded by nightmares' - that is very strong, very powerful, and very evocative. It's also very fitting given what we know happened in the books. Nice job conveying so much in so few words! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it so much! :)
Megan

 

Murder for Love by hestiajones
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Five haikus for the Bloody Baron.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 138 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/02/10 Updated: 10/11/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/11/10 Title: Chapter 1: Murder for Love

Ooh, those are so neat! I can't believe you told an entire story in five little haikus. That's amazing. Great word choices and a wonderful way to use the quote. And the title is perfect. Lovely job, Natalie! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks! The haikus did kick my behind a bit, but ... now that I am doing epigrams, in hindsight, they weren't that bad. Glad you liked it, though. :)



~Natalie.

 

The Lovers' Flame by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: Though their journey getting there was rocky, some things came far more naturally to Ron and Hermione.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 102 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/03/10 Updated: 10/11/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/12/10 Title: Chapter 1: A Sonnet

You're quite good at this form, you know! I like it! You've done a good job with the subject, the prompt, and the rhythm. There were only a few things that tripped me up a bit. You know what one is, right? "Wanton want and wandering" - great use of repetition with the 'w' sound, only 'wanton' and 'want' just seem too close. What about 'wanton need and wandering'? That might chance your intent too much, but it's a thought.

I would suggest 'underneath' for 'under' because as I read it I just wanted another syllable there. And to keep the rhythm flowing between stanzas, perhaps you could try 'Our lover's flame' in place of 'And our love's flame.' It's mostly a question of where you put the emphasis when you are reading, I guess, but I do think the 'and' disrupts the flow somewhat.

The only other thing was the rhyming couplet at the end - it totally works, but there is something about using their names that almost spoils the beautiful spell you've cast with the rest of the poem. Mostly that's because 'Hermione' is such a long name, lol, and then when I got to the last line, I was thinking 'my Won-Won' instead of 'my Ron.' O.o Not sure how you could tweak that and still be specific as to what couple you are writing about, though.

So although it sounds like I'm nitpicking, that's only because I think these few things would take this piece from a really good sonnet inspired by Natalie's poem, to a poem that really stands strong on it's own. Plus I get rhyme and rhythm far better than I do free verse. ;) I really like it, I hope you write more!
~Gina :)

Author's Response:

Greetings, Twin. :D

I see what you mean by your various points and whatnot, and I'm fairly certain that in my actual submission, I'd changed that one line to "our lovers' flame" like you'd suggested. I just never changed my draft on my computer, I think.

For the rest, please remind me later (when I had not just crawled out of bed and have no will do to anything yet) to take a look at these things, or I'm going to completely forget. Lovely review as always. 

~Jess

 

As They Watch by Equinox Chick
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: As Harry prepares to face Lord Voldemort, his parents anxiously watch from the other side.



Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 152 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/03/10 Updated: 10/03/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/03/10 Title: Chapter 1: As They Watch

I remember reading this on the forums, but I can't comment there so I'm glad you submitted it. I really like this poem, because I like structure, and I like how you structured each stanza here. I also really like how you interwove the lines from DH, and used dialogue only. It made a strong statement, emphasizing the narrative parts of the poem.

I have no idea how to punctuate poetry properly - are there different rules? - but someone here once told me to punctuate it like you would prose. I saw a few places where you might have used a comma in place of a full stop, since the next line was a fragment that could have been part of the previous line. For example, after 'chest' you could use a comma since the next two lines describe her hair and could be part of the preceding sentence with a comma. But then, fragments are okay sometimes, especially in poetry, so if that was your intent, ignore my comment. I also thought maybe the 'But' in the third stanza could be a 'yet' simply because you have an 'although' and 'yet' seems to go better with that. (Did you follow that? :))

Concluding with Harry's kiss to the Snitch and his line to open it was wonderfully done. What a powerful moment. I really like how reflective this poem is, and how well it works with Julia's poem. Nicely done - congrats on the challenge! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, Gina. I did fiddle around with the punctuation quite a lot with this one. Usually i forget about it, or else I just throw commas around willy-nilly, but I did actually think about it this time. I wanted it to be quite fragmented especially that first verse because I needed to convey the abrupt and broken state that Lily is in. She is, in effect, having to urge her son on to death,which must go against her instincts. I do think Dumbledore told them both that things would work out ... but it must still be a dreadful postition for them to be in. Hence this is their rehearsal incase they're needed by Harry. Hmm, I've burbled on too long. Yet instead of But is a better idea, I may well change that. Thank you ~Carole~

 

Draco's Journey by Equinox Chick
Rated: 1st-2nd Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: A set of haikus about Draco's life once he became a Death Eater.

Categories: Poetry Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 124 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
10/11/10 Updated: 10/11/10


Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/12/10 Title: Chapter 1: Draco's Journey

Oooh, dark! Did you write this with Shrouds in mind? It seems like it could be. I am amazed at how both you and Natalie have imparted such great drama through such short, simple haikus. I especially like the contrast between heat in the first stanza and cold in the second. After reading it several times, I could pinpoint each stanza to its reference in Draco's life. It's very subtle and well done. Nice job and good luck in the triathalon! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you. I did have shrouds in mind. Draco's story is fascinating me with the possibilities of redemption. These were hard to write because it's a form of poetry I've never attempted, but once I started, I enjoyed it. Thanks again. ~Carole~

 
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