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Gmariam [Contact]

Welcome to my author page!

I am a teacher, musician, reader, and Harry Potter fan. I am a proud member of RAVENCLAW House and enjoyed being a site moderator for a time as well. While I am no longer active in the fandom, I am proud to have passed on my love of Harry Potter to my daughter!

I hope you enjoy the many stories and poems I have written. I am proud of them all and appreciate any feedback you might care to leave (in other words, reviews are love, even years later!) Thanks for reading!

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Stories by Gmariam [125]
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Reviews by Gmariam

Frozen Silence by Equinox Chick

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: A poem (nay, a tritina!) written about the last moments of Sirius Black's death.

Disclaimer: Although I may want to own Sirius Black (and often claim he's my husband), he does in fact belong to JK Rowling.
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 09/16/10 Title: Chapter 1: Frozen Silence

I think this is a neat poem that definitely qualifies as 'mysterious.' The language really sets the tone well. It's quite sad at times. Did you pick the three words yourself or were they assigned to you for the challenge? Working all three into the final line must have been challenging! Lovely job! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks Gina, I picked all three words myself, and on advice from Natalie picked words that were normal - that way it's easier to make the tritina flow. ~Carole~

All the Time in the World by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •

All Teddy Lupin had ever wanted was to be the kind of man his godfather was. He even followed in Harry's footsteps and became an Auror.

Harry wanted nothing more than to be the father that Teddy would never have, but work and obligations always seemed to get in the way. Before he knew it, Teddy was all grown up. How had he missed all those precious moments? He knew he had to make up for it somehow.

After all, they had all the time in the world, right?


This fic WON a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Post-Hogwarts Story

Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 09/22/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Really nice story, Jess! First of all, it's a great title. You *are* good at titles, that's for sure. Second of all, it felt plausible that this would happen to Harry and Teddy, especially once Harry had children of his own. Do I want it to play out that way or do I think it will should JKR ever extend her canon? No and probably not, but you made it believable and sad. And I think what really made it sadder was that Teddy was so accepting about it, he still loved Harry and loved every minute he had to spend with his godfather, no matter what. This also makes sense, because it just seems like something the son of Remus Lupin would do: continue to love unconditionally. On the other hand, he wasn't raised by Remus and Tonks, so you could have also taken him the other direction and made him bitter and resentful, like his grandmother. But I like this Teddy.

The build-up to the climax at the party was well-done, as was the party itself. I thought Harry's reaction to the threat seemed appropriate, and Teddy's reaction to Harry's kidnapping was brilliant. What a great Auror he would have made.

I was confused by this paragraph:
Rowle wrapped an arm around Harry’s throat and began to squeeze. Harry’s face began to turn a reddish-purple colour and his eyes would not stay open. He had to act quickly. In one smooth motion, he whipped out his wand and cried, “Diffindo!”

I just had to read it several times to know whether it was Teddy or Harry who used the Severing Charm. I know that was Teddy's section, his POV, but since he was not mentioned in that paragraph, the pronoun is not clear. 'Teddy had to act quickly" might clear that up for dunderheads like me. How's that for a nitpick?

Now, I have a few questions. Why does Harry feel sick when he sees Teddy fall? Why not anger or shock or anything like that? Just curious about how you chose to frame that entire paragraph. Also, did you consider having Harry use a stronger spell than 'Stupefy'? I could see that happening.

Teddy's death was very sad, and yet…touching. I don't know how to describe it, but it seemed right, somehow. He's an Auror and he gave his life to save someone. It's tragic irony that it was Harry, and that's what twists the sadness into something more. Harry's reaction was gutwrenching. *sniff*

Another question: why did you include Draco at the end? Was he in on it? I apologize for not being up on your personal Potterverse history, lol. I got the impression he might be in on it. If not, I'm not sure why he was there, if only to wrench it a bit more for Harry.

The end was so subtle, so quiet. And that was perfect after what just happened. I can't see you ending this with Harry sobbing in Ginny's arms or something melodramatic like that. You chose the perfect way to end it.

If I were to offer any concrit, it would only be to watch the tone. A few times it fell into a bit too familiar vernacular with a 'yeah' or a 'sure' which seemed more suited to dialogue than narrative. Watch me use both in my next story and get hexed for it, but it's something to think about in terms of evenness and flow and how you want to present the voice of the story.

There you have it. As always, I enjoyed reading your work. Great idea, great writing, and some lovely angst. Kudos, twin! Keep it up! ~Gina a86;

Author's Response:

Hola, Twin!

As I have re-read your review and ooh-ed and ahh-ed over the lovely praise, I'll just skip to the questions you had for the sake of brevity.

I will go back and edit the part with Harry and Teddy and the ambiguous use of 'he'. After re-reading that in a non-associated fashion, it does seem a bit confusing.

Harry felt sick because he blamed himself for Teddy being dead. He didn't take the death threat seriously and wasn't prepared for the attack. On a normal day, he would have escaped rather handily, but because he was only humouring Teddy and staving off boredom, he was captured. If I knew someone had died because I had not done my best, especially if it had been someone I loved, I'd feel sick, too.

I used 'stupefy' because I don't think Harry was angry enough to try an Unforgivable. I'm sure if he could have Crucioed himself, he would have, but he was in too much shock and disgusted with himself to do anything more than a reflex, rudimentary defense spell.

Draco's appearance is something of an implied presence. He was at the fundraiser thing because he's part of the upper fcrust of society, plus he has money. Why he went outside is a different matter. To me, he noticed the presence of the former Death Eater (Yaxley was the unkempt waiter) and knew something was afoot. He then noticed Teddy talking to Harry and looking distraught. When the lights went out and then the powder was gone, Draco noticed that Harry was missing and Teddy looked frantic. That's when Draco went outside, as well, where he basically saw the tail end of what had happened. He offered to help Harry because he did owe Harry that much, not only as a father himself, but since Harry had kept him out of prison and all. I thought, for Malfoy, he was acutally quite sweet.

As for the tone, I sort of wanted it to be a mix of streaming thought and narration. I wanted the narration to be reflective of the character himself, not just a stolid third party. That didn't fit for what I wanted.

I'm glad you liked the ending. This is, coincidentally, what I have planned as teh beginning of the end for Harry and Ginny. For I am ebil.

Lovely review, dear. I hope I can (finally) get around to stalking your review page soon. :D


Master of Midnight by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •

To most lycanthropes, it is a curse. To one, he relishes it and the power it gives him. Who is this one?

See Fenrir Greyback and his transformation from man to beast.


This tritina was written for the Department of Mysteries Challenge in the Poetry Anyone forum of the Beta Boards. By some miracle, it won first place. (love you, Jules)

This poem was also nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Poem

Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 09/16/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I'm still laughing over how much you put this down, only to win first place! It really is quite good, now that I've read it a few times and am finally starting to understand the form. What sets it apart, I think, is the three verbs that start each stanza. That's briliiant, and your word choice for each set really sets a dark and forbidding tone, perfect for the character. The three words were a great choice, and always flowed smoothly. My only question would be about using 'midnight lord' for while I get the point about the werewolf coming out at night, I'm still reminded a bit much of 'Dark Lord' and wonder how something else might read there. But really, I couldn't have written something like this, so who am I to say anything? It's great - congratulations! You'll get us another Cup yet! ;) ~Gina :)

Author's Response:

Hello there, twin of mine!

I'm still not convinced that this poem is any good, as the format of it is a complete bastard, but I suppose it's more about the subject matter than what I actually wrote for it. I used the three-verb triplets to add to the theme of 'three', plus, they just sounded cool at the time. 

I chose 'midnight lord' because of Greyback's delusions of grandeur. In his mind, he was more than just Moldy Shorts's lackey and minion. He was a force of nature, a dark prince that only deigned to follow another. No one said he was very bright, lol.

Lovely review, milady. I shall see you around. I'm writing Katie/Oliver at the moment, instead of hacking at the gargantuan list I have going on.



Shrouds by Equinox Chick

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: Not all Voldemort’s victims were on the side of right.

Over a year has passed since the Battle of Hogwarts. Families grieve, but their dead are remembered with honour.

For Draco Malfoy it has been a year of nothing. Merely existing, he is bound tightly to his past as if enveloped in a shroud, unwilling to accept help. It takes a chance encounter on a cobbled street to jerk him into the realisation that he cannot go on like this. A chance encounter with the one person who has most cause to hate him.

But shrouds, however tightly bound, unravel.

A huge thank you to Natalie (hestiajones) who put her laminated canon card in jeopardy by beta'ing this fic and being very supportive all the way through.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. Her lawyers agree, so please don't mistake us. I just like taking the odd liberty (ahem) with her characters (and pairings)

Nominated for two QSQ's in Best Non-Canon Romance and also Best Post Hogwarts story for 2011. Thank you.

Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 11/06/10 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6 - My Talisman

Aw, it's over! Now I understand why you were sad, because it was so fun to read each new twist, and now there are no more. I read this the other night on my iPod before bed, but it would take an hour to type up a review there, lol. Plus I could think about it.;)

You did such a neat job with Draco's character that I was rather rooting for him and Hermione. You set up Ron as such a jerk that I didn't want Hermione to go back to him. In this chapter, You've created sympathy for him again, but I have to admit I share some of Draco's doubt, and sort of wish Hermione hadn't gone back to Ron. At the same time, Draco and Hermione are probably too messed up to really be together successfully. Their brief affair helped them heal wounds, but I don't know if would have lasted. What do you think? I know you said you considered taking it AU - what changed your mind?

Ooh, I can go duel you about this sometime! Ah-ha!

I did notice some punctuation things, but that's probably because I was in punctuation whore/beta mode earlier this week. ;)

I think my favorite part was the end: the letter was a perfect way to close the story, wow. I hope Draco finds happiness, which is huge because most of the time I'd wish him misery. But your story was great, with such strong characterization and a really plausible plot. I am going to be watching Draco differently when the DH movie comes out now and picturing some of this happening not long after. ;)

Wonderful story, I enjoyed it tremendously.
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Gina a a a a, Thank you so much for reviewing. This was a hard chapter to write because I didn't want the story to end. I did consider making it AU, but realistically I couldn't see it working out between them. They are far too different. So, I had to split them up. Ron was a jerk, but a troubled jerk and just uncomprehending of what was going on around him. I like to think they'll be happy now, but perhaps Draco will cross their paths one more time ... Draco being happy? Hmm, in my mind, Draco does love Astoria, so maybe that's where he fully heals. Oh dear, I;m getting sentimental over Malfoy now. Never thought that would happen. Blooming fanfiction, drives me insane. ~Carole~

Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/25/10 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5 - Situations Vacant

I already told you this, but this was a great surprise! I really didn't expect that from Ron, and it's an awesome twist. And yet, it totally makes sense that Ron was just so dumb and clueless. At the same time, it totally makes sense that Hermione jumped the gun, believed the worst, and fell into bed with Draco. Eep!

You've put her in such a situation here, and so effortlessly. It's going to be tough for her, isn't it? You've done such a great job with Draco that part of me is rooting for her and Draco. He needs her. And yet, my canon card is calling and it only seems fair she give Ron a second chance. Only what's going to happen when someone finds out about her and Draco??

You know what else is neat? I was just asking in Fiction Junction about a fic that was about Ron leaving the Aurors to go to the shop, and it's like you hand-delivered the scene. Again, your characterization of Ron was great.

But so was Draco. O.O

Ah! I can't wait to see how it plays out!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Oh, Gina, when you asked that question, I was so tempted to type 'Read Shrouds!' but that would have ruined Ron's revelation. Yeah, Ron was dumb, but I think he has fairly low self-esteem (even after the Battle) so he wouldn't have realised what it looked like with Verity. Hmm, Draco/Hermione or Ron/Hermione, Cake or Cards ... it's a tough choice. Thank you ~Carole~

Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 09/18/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Blood and Glass

Good start! What I like about this is that it's not *just* Hermione and Draco suddenly falling for each other - the others are there as well, and it will be interesting to see their reactions as things progress. Hermione and Draco do not pair up in a vacuum; there would be ruffled feathers all around, I imagine. Loved the Harry/Ginny dynamic in particular.

You've also set up a really interesting mystery with Ron. I've always thought that non-canon romances were most believable when they addressed the canon couple breaking up. So obviously whatever is going on with Ron - and you've set up his psyche nicely - is affecting his relationship with Hermione. Right now I sort of feel bad for Ron, but not knowing what exactly you've got planned, I'm not sure if you intend him to be sympathetic or not.

The dreams both are having are very vivid, and I like the idea of Draco suffering these guilty nightmares and then punishing himself with then. He seemed to open up to Hermione a bit quickly at times, but I also sensed some desperation mingled with his surprise at doing so. It's like he needs her forgiveness.

Good use of the title so far. :D

Overall, it's a nice start as I believe in what's happened so far and really want to see what happens next!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Mmm, I can't understand why anyone would just suddenly fall in love (myself and Davis Tennant being the exceptions of course). I couldn't write a Dramione without the others. They're an important part of Hermione, so to ignore them sets up an AU ... which this isn't. Thank you so much for the review. I hope the rest of the fic is as plausible. ~Carole~

Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/10/10 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4 - Godric's Girl

And now I understand the chandelier on your banner. :)
Very nice scene of Draco and Hermione coming together after her upsetting encounter with Ron and Verity. Sure, Hermione may have been upset and vulnerable, but Draco recognized that and even though he knew he should stop, he still wanted her, he still wanted to take the chance that it would work out. I felt bad for him afterward. The scene at Malfoy Manor was really heartbreaking - every time he tried to Apparate and failed. And the thought of Draco Malfoy falling so far that he spent the night on the street. Really, really unique and daring way to take his character. And yet, there were some very introspective parts that really show that this could happen to him.
The symbolism of the teardrop crystals is really brilliant. I'm glad Hermione accepted them and is coming around. I am nervous, however, of the repercussions elsewhere! I am so curious where you are going to take this, since I see a hundred different ways this could turn out. Good luck as you continue to share!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Oh yes, the chandelier - the one thing I asked for on that glorious banner of Julia's. Hmm, I'm not sure Draco was thinking so much about things 'working out' between them, he's still Draco Malfoy, after all. I wonder if you've guessed how this pans out ... Ms Trelawney - heh heh. Thank you so much for the review and your continued support. ~Carole~

Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 09/25/10 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 - Fight or Flight

Now that's an angle! Really nice job with the psychological stuff on both Draco and Hermione's part. I like Draco angsty and guilt-ridden, and Hermione's post-traumatic stress disorder (that's what it seems like, really) feels very real. I haven't read much Dramione either, but it seems like a unique and believable way to bring them together.
And Ron - Ron, Ron, Ron. First of all, just when it seemed like he might open up, stupid Harry and Ginny trip in. Isn't there some way of knocking before you Floo in on someone? I have often wondered that. That was so awkward, the way Ginny ruined Hermione's story. I don't blame Rom for being upset.
I know Hermione thought Ron was going after Draco, but at the end I couldn't help but wonder if he ran off to another woman. He was surprisingly mature about the breakup at the end and I could see that happening, especially if he was seeing someone else. It will be interesting to see whether or not that's the case or if I'm just justifying both of their behaviors with it. ;)
I LOVED the kiss, because those kind of slam-together-out-of-the-blue-what-the-hell-are-you-doing kisses are just kind of a thrill to read. I grinned big time. And I feel very badly for Draco. I don't see him manipulating Hermione (which, if that happens, you will hear a deafening "Nooooooo!" from across the pond) but rather reaching out for forgiveness. Knowing you've written much more, it will be fun to see if and when she gives it to him and how she gets there. It's a tough call for both of them.
A very good chapter, with lots left hanging to look forward to ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you, Gina. I was worried that the opening chapters were a bit ponderous, but I needed to set up Draco's (and Hermione's) state of mind. Ron is .... um ... well let's see. Oh, I am glad you liked the kiss. I just needed something arrogant and not at all tender at that moment because they're not a couple at all, but Draco I always think is unpredictable. I shall update soon once I've tweaked chapter 3. Thanks again. And can I say, it means a lot that you're reading and reviewing because you're a canon girl - like me. ~Carole~

Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/02/10 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3 - Chicken Soup

Awesome cliffhanger!
I was right about Ron! It just seemed like something was going on with him to be that mature about the breakup. It also lends a nice degree of depth to the story. Verity was an interesting choice for his new girlfriend, since I've read more fics with her paired up with Fred or George. Much better than introducing a random OC, though, and much better than putting him back together with Lavender!

I still love your angsty Draco. I feel like there is still some mystery to him, something we don't know that is really, really torturing him. I like how you are building it piece by piece. His throwaway comment about Greyback makes me wonder if he is a werewofl? I was a bit surprised that he was waiting for Hermione and so readily asked for her help, but on the other hand, you've set it up well enough that *she* is somehow at the root of his mental torture, so it makes sense that he would seek her out for absolution. And I do believe that he is capable of change. And then I really sort of liked the way Hermione kissed him to stop him talking: An angsty, depressed kiss is sometimes just as good as a passionate, fiery, in-the-middle-of-a-row kiss. ;)

Deperately awkward scene at the party. Ron, Ron, Ron. Too soon. But that would be in character, wouldn't it? Even Ginny acknowledges it. Ginny and Hermione's conversation was well-done, it was good to touch on Ginny's bad feelings about the Malfoys from CoS.

You can tell you've done your research when it comes to DH and tons of other small details. That makes it seem very, very close to canon. :) Can't wait to see where it goes, and how Hermione recovers from being Splinched!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Oh, thank you Gina. Hmm, you've touched on a few things here that are still a bit WIP - ha ha - I think I need to get Nat back on the case. I nearly cut that kiss, actually, so I'm glad you liked it. Yes, there is a bit more to Draco's angst and also his seeking out Hermione, Thanks for reading and reviewing. ~Carole~

Cut by hestiajones

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: She thought having her hair cut would make a difference. Unfortunately, she was right.

Warning: This story is originally rated 6th-7th year for language and sexual situations. The rating has been changed temporarily only because we're having some technical problem with stories that have higher ratings. So, please click at your own discretion.

Thanks to Carole for her excellent Brit-picking, sentences (heehee), and summary. Thanks also to Gina for agreeing to read through this, for all her suggestions and comments. And finally, to Kara and Lea for their support and encouragement.

DISCLAIMER: This isn’t J.K Rowling. This is a fanfic writer on a mission to submit to every category available on the archives.

Nominated for a QSQ in the Same Sex Pairing category.
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/04/10 Title: Chapter 1: Cut

Hi Natalie!

I think this is a really lovely story. You've created two fresh, beautiful girls here. You do such a great job with minor characters, I'm jealous. What I really love is how you brought in bits of both girls' culture and heritage to make them deeper and more real. Plus their friendship is obvious and sincere.

I think the little tweaks you made here and there really worked to strengthen the story. I loved the line about Bill's long hair! That was a great connection!

I wondered while reading it again if the girls would have used a Disillusionment Charm in that one part to affect Dom's short hair, or some sort of Transfiguration Charm. I think a Disillusionment Charm might be better for hiding something.

The other thing that really struck me while reading this was how amazingly fluid it is. I already said this, but reading it again I really noticed how perfectly the memories flow from the current action. It's seemless and really great writing.

I got the impression from Lakshmi that she's not really sure about things, especially after she was talking to Dom about the failed kiss. Was that intended? I know sometimes people fall for someone who doesn't return their feelings, but it would be nice to see this couple give it a try. I hope you write more, you've got a great start here! Wonderful job and I'm glad I could help with it!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Gina!

It feels good to hear my characterisation for the two girls worked - and mish-mash of memories fit into he narrative. :) You are right about Lakshmi; she isn't sure about her sexuality, and is going for the guy. I do have a sequel planned, in which things will get a bit clearer, and a bit...smuttier. Heehee!

Thanks for your help, and THANKS for the review. You're awesome!!!


Hope by keara96

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: A poem set during Sirius Black's time in Azkaban.
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/13/10 Title: Chapter 1: Hope

I liked that very much! I often find free verse difficult to follow, but there was something about how this was organized that made it very easy to read. It described the situation very well, and built up to a very good ending. I only wonder how the last line would read if it were 'Sirius Black would not give up' instead. It sort of looks to the future a bit more, which was the feeling I got from the rest of the poem. It's just a thought. I liked this, nice job! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you SO much! I'm glad you liked it. I liked your idea about the last line also. I hadn't really thought that way about it. Thanks again for reading and reviewing :)

Broken by msk8

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: A poem about the despair of the people who opposed Voldemort in the seventh book.
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/12/10 Title: Chapter 1: Poem

I think this is a good poem! I only wanted more. :) I particularly liked the imagery of 'landscapes guarded by nightmares' - that is very strong, very powerful, and very evocative. It's also very fitting given what we know happened in the books. Nice job conveying so much in so few words! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it so much! :)

Murder for Love by hestiajones

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Five haikus for the Bloody Baron.
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/11/10 Title: Chapter 1: Murder for Love

Ooh, those are so neat! I can't believe you told an entire story in five little haikus. That's amazing. Great word choices and a wonderful way to use the quote. And the title is perfect. Lovely job, Natalie! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks! The haikus did kick my behind a bit, but ... now that I am doing epigrams, in hindsight, they weren't that bad. Glad you liked it, though. :)


The Lovers' Flame by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: Though their journey getting there was rocky, some things came far more naturally to Ron and Hermione.
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/12/10 Title: Chapter 1: A Sonnet

You're quite good at this form, you know! I like it! You've done a good job with the subject, the prompt, and the rhythm. There were only a few things that tripped me up a bit. You know what one is, right? "Wanton want and wandering" - great use of repetition with the 'w' sound, only 'wanton' and 'want' just seem too close. What about 'wanton need and wandering'? That might chance your intent too much, but it's a thought.

I would suggest 'underneath' for 'under' because as I read it I just wanted another syllable there. And to keep the rhythm flowing between stanzas, perhaps you could try 'Our lover's flame' in place of 'And our love's flame.' It's mostly a question of where you put the emphasis when you are reading, I guess, but I do think the 'and' disrupts the flow somewhat.

The only other thing was the rhyming couplet at the end - it totally works, but there is something about using their names that almost spoils the beautiful spell you've cast with the rest of the poem. Mostly that's because 'Hermione' is such a long name, lol, and then when I got to the last line, I was thinking 'my Won-Won' instead of 'my Ron.' O.o Not sure how you could tweak that and still be specific as to what couple you are writing about, though.

So although it sounds like I'm nitpicking, that's only because I think these few things would take this piece from a really good sonnet inspired by Natalie's poem, to a poem that really stands strong on it's own. Plus I get rhyme and rhythm far better than I do free verse. ;) I really like it, I hope you write more!
~Gina :)

Author's Response:

Greetings, Twin. :D

I see what you mean by your various points and whatnot, and I'm fairly certain that in my actual submission, I'd changed that one line to "our lovers' flame" like you'd suggested. I just never changed my draft on my computer, I think.

For the rest, please remind me later (when I had not just crawled out of bed and have no will do to anything yet) to take a look at these things, or I'm going to completely forget. Lovely review as always. 


As They Watch by Equinox Chick

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: As Harry prepares to face Lord Voldemort, his parents anxiously watch from the other side.

Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/03/10 Title: Chapter 1: As They Watch

I remember reading this on the forums, but I can't comment there so I'm glad you submitted it. I really like this poem, because I like structure, and I like how you structured each stanza here. I also really like how you interwove the lines from DH, and used dialogue only. It made a strong statement, emphasizing the narrative parts of the poem.

I have no idea how to punctuate poetry properly - are there different rules? - but someone here once told me to punctuate it like you would prose. I saw a few places where you might have used a comma in place of a full stop, since the next line was a fragment that could have been part of the previous line. For example, after 'chest' you could use a comma since the next two lines describe her hair and could be part of the preceding sentence with a comma. But then, fragments are okay sometimes, especially in poetry, so if that was your intent, ignore my comment. I also thought maybe the 'But' in the third stanza could be a 'yet' simply because you have an 'although' and 'yet' seems to go better with that. (Did you follow that? :))

Concluding with Harry's kiss to the Snitch and his line to open it was wonderfully done. What a powerful moment. I really like how reflective this poem is, and how well it works with Julia's poem. Nicely done - congrats on the challenge! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, Gina. I did fiddle around with the punctuation quite a lot with this one. Usually i forget about it, or else I just throw commas around willy-nilly, but I did actually think about it this time. I wanted it to be quite fragmented especially that first verse because I needed to convey the abrupt and broken state that Lily is in. She is, in effect, having to urge her son on to death,which must go against her instincts. I do think Dumbledore told them both that things would work out ... but it must still be a dreadful postition for them to be in. Hence this is their rehearsal incase they're needed by Harry. Hmm, I've burbled on too long. Yet instead of But is a better idea, I may well change that. Thank you ~Carole~

Draco's Journey by Equinox Chick

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: A set of haikus about Draco's life once he became a Death Eater.
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/12/10 Title: Chapter 1: Draco's Journey

Oooh, dark! Did you write this with Shrouds in mind? It seems like it could be. I am amazed at how both you and Natalie have imparted such great drama through such short, simple haikus. I especially like the contrast between heat in the first stanza and cold in the second. After reading it several times, I could pinpoint each stanza to its reference in Draco's life. It's very subtle and well done. Nice job and good luck in the triathalon! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you. I did have shrouds in mind. Draco's story is fascinating me with the possibilities of redemption. These were hard to write because it's a form of poetry I've never attempted, but once I started, I enjoyed it. Thanks again. ~Carole~

Catchphrase by Cinderella Angelina

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Percy Weasley meets Penelope Clearwater.
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/13/10 Title: Chapter 1: Catchphrase

That was very cute. The way you used the prompt through each scene was perfect. And I really liked how Penny was not nearly as aloof as Percy. She seemed to have a good sense of humour about his quirks. Percy's speech seemed a bit stilted at times, but you gave the readers a good reason for that. He actually reminded me of Sheldon from the television show 'The Big Bang Theory'! Do you ever wonder what happened to Percy and Penelope? Obviously not everyone marries their school sweetheart, but I still wonder. Nice job with an underappreciated minor character! ~Gina :)

My Black Brother by hestiajones

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: He realises his brother was right.

Winner of Stage 2: Free Verse the Second Annual October Triathlon at Poetry Anyone. Nominated for a QSQ for Best Poetry.
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/25/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Very nice, Natalie! You have given us a very deep look into this character in a very short, intense burst. You're so good at this stuff. I love it. I think I was most impressed by the 'Yet, as I stand by this lake," stanza, because it's so sutble, but so important and so dramatic. The end is brilliant. Great job! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Hello!

...a very short, intense burst.

I like that. ;) I think this is what I was talking about in my reply to your LJ post; I had trouble writing this poem, but that wasn't obvious when I finished it. Thank you for your review, Gina. I really appreciate it, and am happy you liked the poem.


Barely There by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Dean Thomas felt like his soul had been ripped out when he survived the Battle of Hogwarts and his best friend did not. Grief-stricken, his brain simply couldn't wrap around what meant anything to him anymore, but the unlikeliest of heroines pulled him from the brink and maybe saved herself along the way.
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 11/06/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Ah Jess, you do know how to write the inner angst, don't you? Poor Dean! I can't believe Seamus died in the final battle! That was very sad. But--life goes on, and so did Dean, and I hope he's happy. :)
Nice job with little backstory details - Dean's family, Quidditch, etc. - it really adds depth. And a very nice take on who Hestia Jones might have really been.
Lucky Natalie, it's a lovely fic!
~Gina :)

Author's Response:

Angst is my thing. I think it might comprise about 10% of my body chemistry, actually. As is positing scenarios as to what didn't not happen. :D

Plus, it's odd how Hestia's canon description isn't unlike a certain Muggle girl who has ensnared your beloved Prongs.

Lovely visit, Twin!


Juggling by Equinox Chick

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Lily Evans wasn’t the only Gryffindor with a childhood friend. Whilst she was meeting the boy who would introduce her to the magical world, someone else was learning how to mix with Muggles.

This is not, however, a story about Lily Evans. This is a tale about James Potter and the Muggle girl that he never quite forgot.

This story is for Natalie (hestiajones) who makes me laugh more than most people and has been a very supportive friend, despite our separate continents. Happy Birthday, mate!

I’m indebted to Gina (Gmariam) who kindly offered to beta this short one-shot, and then didn’t complain when it mushroomed into a chaptered fic.

Because of an archive gliitch, this fic has been temporarily put down a rating. the content remains the same and it is still a 6th-7th. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. If I had been, then Sirius, Remus, James, Lily and Tonks would not have died. Peter, however would have died in an icky manner

OMMPP! Juggling won 2 QSQ's for Best Chaptered Marauder and Dita won Best Original Character. Seriously pleased and shocked here. Thank you.

The chapter titles are all from Keane songs.
Reviewer: Gmariam Signed
Date: 10/30/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - On a Day Like Today

I've already written you comments, but let's make it official (even if you don't get those lovely notifications anymore.) I love this! You are one of those writers who writes original characters effortlessly. You've created a lovely character in Dita. I instantly liked her, which is amazing since we know James ends up with Lily so it's possible Dita might inspire more jealousy than anything, if that makes sense. But I like her so much and you know I am rooting for them.

As I also mentioned, you write their age perfectly as well. And your canon knowledge continues to amaze. You pick up things and tie them to your story incredibly well. I think it's one of the things that gives your stories a feeling of depth and a real "JKR could have written this" type of feeling.

Looking forward to reviewing the next chapter and finishing up the third! I'm glad I could be involved!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, Gina, it's much appreciated. I'm pleased you like my OC because at one point I really didn't think I'd ever be able to write OC's - especially not ones who play as large a part in this as Dita does.

Thanks for all your help as well ~Carole~