Welcome to my author page!
I am a teacher, musician, reader, and avid Harry Potter fan. I am originally from the Midwest and now live a bit farther south. I am thrilled to be a proud member of RAVENCLAW House and enjoyed being a site moderator for a time as well.
I hope you enjoy the many stories and poems I have written. I am proud of them all and appreciate any feedback you might care to leave (in other words, reviews are love!) I've listed them below with a short description since I know trolling through summaries can be tedious. Thanks for reading!
EDIT: Someday I will categorize my stories by genre. Today is not that day. ;)
Summary: Sometimes, the visions are mere flickers ‚Ä“ hazy and muddled. Sometimes, their clarity shakes me out of the limbo. But I‚Äôm always sure it is him I see.
I‚Äôd have loved to tell you the whole story, but you see, I cannot remember much of it.
Thanks to Kara (Karaley Dargen) for her wonderful beta-ness. :) And Carole (Equinox Chick) for 'Warwick'. ;)
DISCLAIMER: Everyone/everything you recognise immediately belongs to J.K.Rowling. However, the first names of the Death Eaters (except the main characters) aren't canon. The pairing, of course, is mine.
You are such a gifted writer, Natalie! Your prose is just amazing at times, so full of depth and emotion. And then to take these two seemingly random characters and throw them together in such a powerful way and have it work - even better!
Writing from Rabastan's point of view really makes him sympathetic, which is ironic given he is a cruel Death Eater after all. But I like his voice here.
Regulus is wonderfully mysterious. Oh, there are so many things left unanswered, so many ways he could go! Very cool.
Great job including the other Slytherins of the era. And James, too, of course. ;)
Great start, this will be fascinating to follow! Good luck as you continue!! ~Gina :)
Summary: If Remus hadn't been born, the lives of the people he had entered would be different, correct? He wouldn't have caused them pain, disappointment... and grief. Most of all, he wouldn't have been the cause of why his parents' happiness was suddenly gone.
Of course, it was all just wishful thinking. He was still a werewolf, no matter what he did.
For some reason, your author's note - Wait! I have reasons! - made me stop and giggle. Which was odd after such a sad story. So my first question is - reasons for what? My second question is - did this pop out of the June drabble challenge on the beta boards? Just curious, as loads of people wrote Remus/Lily. I love reading about their friendship, and you wrote a lovely scene for them at the end.
The idea of Remus killing his baby sister during a transformation is so horrifying and sad. Very original though, and plausible as well. I was only a bit confused as to when it happened - did it happen before he came to Hogwarts, or after his friends found out about him? The first scene was a bit unclear, but I think they got drunk as friends and that's how it happened? That is really tragic. Kudos for daring to go there. The flashbacks worked well in detailing things more, revealing it bit by bit. I would only suggest trying to tie it to the opening a bit more. For example, why was he transforming with his friends out of Hogwarts?
I really wanted to leave a review to point out one thing: the tense jumps around several times. For example:
"He tried to give her a smile, but instead, he gave her a grimace. He wanted to say he was sorry, but it won't come out. It seemed like 'sorry' doesn't work anymore. It wouldn't fix anything. After a moment of silence, Lily spoke."
This paragraph jumps tense from past to present. "It won't come out" should be "It wouldn't come out" and 'Sorry doesn't work anymore" should be "Sorry didn't work anymore."
It happens again toward the end:
"It was his fault that his sister is dead, his mother is depressed, and that his father was always absent. He took away all their happiness."
As I read it, it should be "his sister was dead, his mother was depressed." This keeps it in line with "and his father was always absent."
Ditto on the next two paragraphs, but I won't point those out here. Just be sure to stick with one tense. :)
Sorry to point that out, but since you mentioned improving and concrit in your author's note, I thought it would help as you continue writing. I think you've got great ideas and did really well with the characters. Good luck as you continue! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Hello Gina! Iíll answer your questions now :) I thought that there would be readers that were not pleased with the story, so I gave reasonsómaybe itíll better if I call it ďexcusesĒóexcuses for my amateur-ness. No, I didnít plan for this to be entered in the June Monthly, but rather in the weekly where the lovely barmaid requested for drabbles that will either make her laugh or cry. I did this, then I realized that it had to be under 500 words, not 800, and I couldnít make it any shorter unless I donít do it justice, so I put it back into the original length, added a bit more paragraphs, and submitted it as a one-shot. It happened before he came to Hogwarts for his sixth year, so that would be during summer. His friends had already found out about him. :) He wasnít in the Shrieking Shack because he wasnít at Hogwarts, and they got drunk during the night of the full moon, so they werenít able to go to the place (Iím making this up; I just imagined it that way) where no one could be harmed by a werewolf. Yes, they did get drunk, and thatís the main reason why Remus ended up killing someone. He transformed out of Hogwarts because it was during summer, and they had a baby shower that night so I think thatíll explain if ever it was canon that Remus goes to the Shrieking Shack every full moon even if it was summer time. Yes, youíre right, I should have tied a bit of the memories to the beginning, sorry for the confusion! Ahhhh! Yes, the tenses, sorry about that! I really have a problem with those. Iíll fix it as soon as possible. Thanks for pointing those out! I will do my best stick with one tense, thank you! Thanks for all those lovely compliments, and thank you for taking the time to leave a review and helping me out with my writing! I truly appreciate it :)
In the Battle of Hogwarts, Tonks has nothing left but promises to keep.
I'll be back. I promise.
Wow. Just, wow. You know, I don't tend to get emotional about stories, I really don't. I've written a few good tear-jerkers myself, but don't tend to get all sniffly when I'm reading fanfic much. But this one - oh my gosh, this is just brilliant. Really brilliant. I'm so glad I finally came around to read it, even if I have tears in my eyes. *sniff*
The other thing I realized as I was reading this was that I have hardly ever read a story about Remus and Tonks. I just haven't, for no particular reason. And now I am so struck by how absolutely tragic they are. How hard it must have been for them to go to the battle. How it might have gone.
This is canon. I absolutely believe Remus heard the news and went straight to the battle. Of course he would! And I sort of hate Andromeda for calling him out on that. It's his duty as a member of the Order. He *has* to fight for a better life for Teddy.
But I've always wondered why Tonks went. She just had a baby, for goodness sake! This is perfect. She went after Remus, she went to get him. Ah, that's just so sad, to think that they didn't go together!
And then for her calling out to him to be the cause of his downfall. Oh oh oh. And then Bellatrix! Ah! I hate her for doing that, I really do. And yet, now I'm sure this is all what happened.
I love the use of second person. I wonder how it would feel if it were first or third person, but there is something about imagining myself as this new mother that is very effective. The flashback in italics is fantastic. And the end - guh. The last three lines are just perfect. Heartbreaking. Stunning.
I don't fangirl much, but I am so impressed with this story. I am going to remember this one. I think I am going to look for more Remus/Tonks stories now that you have peaked my interest. And I'm adding you to my list to see what you come up with next! Really amazing job, Emma! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Ginaaaa :)
Actually, this was the first Remus and Tonks fic that I've written, let alone read, really. So my feelings are like yours - I never actually realised just how tragic they are as a couple and a family. I never really got the appeal with them. I think Fred's death overshadowed theirs for me.
Mmm, Andromeda. She knows that it is Remus' duty to go fight, but she's just protective of Tonks. She knows what could happen, so she comes off as a bit tough. I always wanted to know why Tonks went too, and this way, it's a bit more understandable for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the second person narrative! I don't think I could have written it in any other POV, but I'd be interested in seeing someone else tackling it from first or third. Oh, it's great that you liked the flashback and the ending!
Thank you for all of your lovely compliments, Gina! This was such a fab review. You really made my day :)
*sniff* I've just looked at this again and it's just so good, so sad. It made me tear up again just looking at it. I'm off to the QSQ nominations with it - wonderful story!
Summary: Lily Evans wasn't quite sure why she agreed to go on a date with James Potter. It had surprised them both when she'd said 'yes'. But James hadn't stopped grinning and she was happy too ... until the owl turned up at breakfast.
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. Her lawyers agree.
Thank you so much to Natalie (hestiajones) for beta'ing this tale for me. Sorry the IES didn't make an appearance. This fic is compliant with Veils.
Nice! I like the set-up, with the three things that go wrong. I particularly liked how James was nervous. And oh, the bit about 'lils' was too funny!
It was quite sad, Petunia blatantly telling Lily not to come to her wedding. No wonder Lily was so upset. And awwww, James found her and helped her - so sweet!
I think what I like best is the quiet subtlety of their kiss. Who says they always come crashing together in the middle of a huge row?
Oh, I also like how the very end ties to Veils, since I've read that and know how it turns out, lol. Is this LoG compliant too? Cute story! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thank you, Gina. This one's been hanging around for a while, but I altered it to be Veils compliant. As for LoG, I don't think their first date will be like this. In fact, I know it won't -ha ha- but I have lots of different scenarios in my head for that when I get to writing it. Glad you liked the kiss. I kept it understated because I wanted the other parts of the story to come through, plus first kisses are usually quite subtle, aren't they? ~Carole~
Summary: "Sometimes," said Dumbledore, "we sort too soon."
Originally writtten for TTB's ReSorting Challenge. Many, many thanks to Riham (padfoot_returns) for her wonderful work on this story. :D
This story won a 2011 QSQ for Best Alternate Universe in the one-shot category.
DISCLAIMER: I am not J.K.Rowling, though everything you recognise belongs to her. AU because Dumbledore was a Gryffindor. ;)
That was cool. :) They way you set it up totally made sense that Dumbledore would be Sorted into Slytherin. Of course, one could argue that he was brave enough to do what had to be done, and that's why he was Sorted into Gryffindor. Are you going to write more? Like, how Dumbledore reacts to being in Slytherin? Or will the story shift to Snape? Because the end ties to that nicely, but I'd like to see more of Dumbledore too.
Very nice little AU here! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Egads! I would love to write more of this, but I dunno. My brain has been consumed by PI so much - lol - and also, my huge syllabus for the first MA semester, I can't think of anything 'fanfictionly'. :O But...hmm...you got me thinking. Hehe. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Summary: A look at the war raging outside of Hogwarts, where we honour the other weary and brave witches and wizards who fought and continue to fight the good fight.
That's awesome! I love it! I particularly love the repeating line 'The weary and the brave.' It's just so fitting, particularly by the last great stanza. I just read the original and thought you did a great job paralleling the Tennyson poem. Working in the required words must have been tough. 'Flitwick'd' kind of jumped out at me, mostly because I thought the poem was about the battles outside Hogwarts. Not sure how you could have used that one differently, though. You picked a perfect poem for the Potterverse and married the topic to it wonderfully. Lovely job! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Aww, thank you, Gina. *blushes* It was hard working in some of the words, and my 'Flitwick'd' as a verb was such a cheat. Hehe. I figured that Flitwick's wandstroke and technique was so popular that it was utilised outside of Hogwarts. Lol. But, you're spot on that this poem is about the battles (or the war) outside of Hogwarts. ^^ Thanks so much for the lovely review. *hugs* ~Lia
Summary: Not all relationships start out sweet as candy but, like quickly melting chocolate, sometimes they're all the more delectable with time.
That was very sweet! I especially liked how the title connected the first scene to the last scene. All the little moments tie together well. I didn't really stop to wonder about them as a couple since the focus was on these single scenes with just them and how they met at the end. Nice job! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thanks, Gina. I know you're not a fan of this pairing, so I really appreciate you reading and reviewing. ^_^ I didn't view them as a couple either; I just wanted to show how Draco viewed Ginny over the years--certain moments in their lives where he found himself liking her (hehe, well, it's supposed to explain A Birthday Kiss). Personally, I just wanted to write Draco and Ginny as three-year-olds! Lol. Thanks again, love. ~Lia
Summary: What if the characters in the Harry Potter films were portrayed‚Ä”not by actors‚Ä”but by the book versions of themselves, as created by Rowling? How might things unfold on that set? What would the characters think of the changes made from the stories they‚Äôd already lived out‚Ä¶ to the ones written for the script?
This fic is a series of one-shots, posted as chapters, each from the perspective of a different character who is dealing with the changes occurring between the book and the script.
Holy Movie Canon, Batman! This fic won the 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award for Best Chaptered Humor Story. Thanks so, so much!
Yes! It's up! I am so glad. Seriously, I laughed out loud the entire time I was reading it, and I've already read it several times. It's just so bloody brilliant and original. And funny, oh so funny. Tortured? Jazz hands? Just semantics? HAHAHA!
And yet this time I noticed something else as well: there is a bit of darkness in there, isn't there? It's not just a parody of the how the movies play on the books, it's a biting commentary on how the films miss a lot of important points about the characters themselves. We moan and groan about it every time a new movie comes out, but here we get to see how the characters themselves feel about being short-shifted on screen. And it sounds much more authentic coming from them, somehow.
I hope that made sense. :D
And then Tonks' incredible perception "All this...this is just fiction." Ah, brilliant. And it could be said of fanfic too, couldn't it? Love it. What a great line, a great insight.
I really can't wait to see what you do with the next one! I can only begin to imagine what Sirius might have to say to The Director, or how Dumbledore feels about some of the things the script has put in his mouth. Oh, I'm laughing already! Write up! And good luck as you continue! :)
Author's Response: Hmm... Sirius... I had not considered his perspective in this. I have two other ones in mind, though I've also considered adding in the reaction of Dumbledore to his angry movie counterpart... so I guess that is three more. Yay! This is going to be fun! I'm so glad you mentioned that serious tone of this as well. I expect that will continue in most of them. There really are upsetting implications for the characters with some of the changes we see in the movies. It will be interesting to explore them. Thanks so much for your continued encouragement, Gina. This would not have made it to the archives if not for the change you suggested. :)
Well, you already know what I think and which parts I love, but I had to come by anyway and say YAY! Because you know what my favorite part is? Watching you get so many positive reviews for your amazing idea. :) That and the Shoelace bit - still laughing! And I think the end is perfect - awesome! I can't wait for the next part!
Author's Response: Dude, these reviews are not good for my ego! I think people just need a laugh, as Ron said Fred reckoned in HBP. :D Thanks again for all your amazing help. I honestly think my favorite part is the bit you added about Ron's helmet, even though no one has mentioned it. I laughed out loud when I edited it earlier... which would be arrogant, except that bit was your idea. Hehe. Thanks a million for everything, Gina, and this nice review on top of it.
Summary: Six weeks after the battle, Hermione puts on a bathing suit for the first time in nearly a year... scars are revealed as painful memories rise to the surface yet again.
I almost submitted this under dark/angst, but at the end of the day, I see it as Ron/Hermione. *shrug* Also, a gazillion thanks to my awesometastic beta Natalie, and to both Neil and Carole for helping me with all things British. :D
That is a very touching look into Hermione's character. We really don't know what happened to her at Malfoy Manor or how it affected her, and this is a beautiful scene exploring just that. What is so nice is that it is set in an everyday, ordinary moment - getting ready to go swimming - yet it explores extraordinary events, this terrible thing that happened to Hermione. It's also very subtle - I don't think I need to know the gory details of it, and so you addressed it perfectly. And then both of their reactions just seem perfect - Hermione is not completely broken, and Ron is completely accepting. Ah, he's so sweet and mature here, I love it! Very nice writing, Lori! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Who knows what it really would have been like for any of them, trying to recover from all of this stuff? But when I think of Hermione, I think of her being very strong, yet at the same time, very weepy. In my imagination, she does very well with regular life, and then its the surprising little things, the everyday things, that sort of set her off and cause a bit of emotional fright or trauma. Sort of the way it is with grief. And it is a kind of grief really, isn't it? Thanks so much for your thoughts and for the lovely review, Gina. I always get especially excited to see reviews from writers whose work I love to read. :)
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy never expected the brief visit to his bookshop of a rude woman with no interest in books to give him so much to think about.
This story won the 2011 Next Generation one shot QSQ
Great story! I love the take on the characters - it's so original, and so well done. I also liked the mix of magic and muggle book talk. And the original reads nicely too. ;)
I really enjoyed your writing! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thanks for such a lovely review (and I'm glad you liked the original too!). I was kind of wary with this fic because I knew it was a different take on the pair and I wasn't such how people would respond to that, so I'm really glad that you enjoyed it.
Summary: A poem (nay, a tritina!) written about the last moments of Sirius Black's death.
Disclaimer: Although I may want to own Sirius Black (and often claim he's my husband), he does in fact belong to JK Rowling.
I think this is a neat poem that definitely qualifies as 'mysterious.' The language really sets the tone well. It's quite sad at times. Did you pick the three words yourself or were they assigned to you for the challenge? Working all three into the final line must have been challenging! Lovely job! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thanks Gina, I picked all three words myself, and on advice from Natalie picked words that were normal - that way it's easier to make the tritina flow. ~Carole~
All Teddy Lupin had ever wanted was to be the kind of man his godfather was. He even followed in Harry's footsteps and became an Auror.
Harry wanted nothing more than to be the father that Teddy would never have, but work and obligations always seemed to get in the way. Before he knew it, Teddy was all grown up. How had he missed all those precious moments? He knew he had to make up for it somehow.
After all, they had all the time in the world, right?
This fic WON a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Post-Hogwarts Story
Really nice story, Jess! First of all, it's a great title. You *are* good at titles, that's for sure. Second of all, it felt plausible that this would happen to Harry and Teddy, especially once Harry had children of his own. Do I want it to play out that way or do I think it will should JKR ever extend her canon? No and probably not, but you made it believable and sad. And I think what really made it sadder was that Teddy was so accepting about it, he still loved Harry and loved every minute he had to spend with his godfather, no matter what. This also makes sense, because it just seems like something the son of Remus Lupin would do: continue to love unconditionally. On the other hand, he wasn't raised by Remus and Tonks, so you could have also taken him the other direction and made him bitter and resentful, like his grandmother. But I like this Teddy.
The build-up to the climax at the party was well-done, as was the party itself. I thought Harry's reaction to the threat seemed appropriate, and Teddy's reaction to Harry's kidnapping was brilliant. What a great Auror he would have made.
I was confused by this paragraph:
Rowle wrapped an arm around Harry’s throat and began to squeeze. Harry’s face began to turn a reddish-purple colour and his eyes would not stay open. He had to act quickly. In one smooth motion, he whipped out his wand and cried, “Diffindo!”
I just had to read it several times to know whether it was Teddy or Harry who used the Severing Charm. I know that was Teddy's section, his POV, but since he was not mentioned in that paragraph, the pronoun is not clear. 'Teddy had to act quickly" might clear that up for dunderheads like me. How's that for a nitpick?
Now, I have a few questions. Why does Harry feel sick when he sees Teddy fall? Why not anger or shock or anything like that? Just curious about how you chose to frame that entire paragraph. Also, did you consider having Harry use a stronger spell than 'Stupefy'? I could see that happening.
Teddy's death was very sad, and yet…touching. I don't know how to describe it, but it seemed right, somehow. He's an Auror and he gave his life to save someone. It's tragic irony that it was Harry, and that's what twists the sadness into something more. Harry's reaction was gutwrenching. *sniff*
Another question: why did you include Draco at the end? Was he in on it? I apologize for not being up on your personal Potterverse history, lol. I got the impression he might be in on it. If not, I'm not sure why he was there, if only to wrench it a bit more for Harry.
The end was so subtle, so quiet. And that was perfect after what just happened. I can't see you ending this with Harry sobbing in Ginny's arms or something melodramatic like that. You chose the perfect way to end it.
If I were to offer any concrit, it would only be to watch the tone. A few times it fell into a bit too familiar vernacular with a 'yeah' or a 'sure' which seemed more suited to dialogue than narrative. Watch me use both in my next story and get hexed for it, but it's something to think about in terms of evenness and flow and how you want to present the voice of the story.
There you have it. As always, I enjoyed reading your work. Great idea, great writing, and some lovely angst. Kudos, twin! Keep it up! ~Gina a86;
As I have re-read your review and ooh-ed and ahh-ed over the lovely praise, I'll just skip to the questions you had for the sake of brevity.
I will go back and edit the part with Harry and Teddy and the ambiguous use of 'he'. After re-reading that in a non-associated fashion, it does seem a bit confusing.
Harry felt sick because he blamed himself for Teddy being dead. He didn't take the death threat seriously and wasn't prepared for the attack. On a normal day, he would have escaped rather handily, but because he was only humouring Teddy and staving off boredom, he was captured. If I knew someone had died because I had not done my best, especially if it had been someone I loved, I'd feel sick, too.
I used 'stupefy' because I don't think Harry was angry enough to try an Unforgivable. I'm sure if he could have Crucioed himself, he would have, but he was in too much shock and disgusted with himself to do anything more than a reflex, rudimentary defense spell.
Draco's appearance is something of an implied presence. He was at the fundraiser thing because he's part of the upper fcrust of society, plus he has money. Why he went outside is a different matter. To me, he noticed the presence of the former Death Eater (Yaxley was the unkempt waiter) and knew something was afoot. He then noticed Teddy talking to Harry and looking distraught. When the lights went out and then the powder was gone, Draco noticed that Harry was missing and Teddy looked frantic. That's when Draco went outside, as well, where he basically saw the tail end of what had happened. He offered to help Harry because he did owe Harry that much, not only as a father himself, but since Harry had kept him out of prison and all. I thought, for Malfoy, he was acutally quite sweet.
As for the tone, I sort of wanted it to be a mix of streaming thought and narration. I wanted the narration to be reflective of the character himself, not just a stolid third party. That didn't fit for what I wanted.
I'm glad you liked the ending. This is, coincidentally, what I have planned as teh beginning of the end for Harry and Ginny. For I am ebil.
Lovely review, dear. I hope I can (finally) get around to stalking your review page soon. :D
To most lycanthropes, it is a curse. To one, he relishes it and the power it gives him. Who is this one?
See Fenrir Greyback and his transformation from man to beast.
This tritina was written for the Department of Mysteries Challenge in the Poetry Anyone forum of the Beta Boards. By some miracle, it won first place. (love you, Jules)
This poem was also nominated for a 2011 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Poem
I'm still laughing over how much you put this down, only to win first place! It really is quite good, now that I've read it a few times and am finally starting to understand the form. What sets it apart, I think, is the three verbs that start each stanza. That's briliiant, and your word choice for each set really sets a dark and forbidding tone, perfect for the character. The three words were a great choice, and always flowed smoothly. My only question would be about using 'midnight lord' for while I get the point about the werewolf coming out at night, I'm still reminded a bit much of 'Dark Lord' and wonder how something else might read there. But really, I couldn't have written something like this, so who am I to say anything? It's great - congratulations! You'll get us another Cup yet! ;) ~Gina :)
Hello there, twin of mine!
I'm still not convinced that this poem is any good, as the format of it is a complete bastard, but I suppose it's more about the subject matter than what I actually wrote for it. I used the three-verb triplets to add to the theme of 'three', plus, they just sounded cool at the time.
I chose 'midnight lord' because of Greyback's delusions of grandeur. In his mind, he was more than just Moldy Shorts's lackey and minion. He was a force of nature, a dark prince that only deigned to follow another. No one said he was very bright, lol.
Lovely review, milady. I shall see you around. I'm writing Katie/Oliver at the moment, instead of hacking at the gargantuan list I have going on.
Summary: Not all Voldemort’s victims were on the side of right.
Over a year has passed since the Battle of Hogwarts. Families grieve, but their dead are remembered with honour.
For Draco Malfoy it has been a year of nothing. Merely existing, he is bound tightly to his past as if enveloped in a shroud, unwilling to accept help. It takes a chance encounter on a cobbled street to jerk him into the realisation that he cannot go on like this. A chance encounter with the one person who has most cause to hate him.
But shrouds, however tightly bound, unravel.
A huge thank you to Natalie (hestiajones) who put her laminated canon card in jeopardy by beta'ing this fic and being very supportive all the way through.
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. Her lawyers agree, so please don't mistake us. I just like taking the odd liberty (ahem) with her characters (and pairings)
Nominated for two QSQ's in Best Non-Canon Romance and also Best Post Hogwarts story for 2011. Thank you.
Aw, it's over! Now I understand why you were sad, because it was so fun to read each new twist, and now there are no more. I read this the other night on my iPod before bed, but it would take an hour to type up a review there, lol. Plus I could think about it.;)
You did such a neat job with Draco's character that I was rather rooting for him and Hermione. You set up Ron as such a jerk that I didn't want Hermione to go back to him. In this chapter, You've created sympathy for him again, but I have to admit I share some of Draco's doubt, and sort of wish Hermione hadn't gone back to Ron. At the same time, Draco and Hermione are probably too messed up to really be together successfully. Their brief affair helped them heal wounds, but I don't know if would have lasted. What do you think? I know you said you considered taking it AU - what changed your mind?
Ooh, I can go duel you about this sometime! Ah-ha!
I did notice some punctuation things, but that's probably because I was in punctuation whore/beta mode earlier this week. ;)
I think my favorite part was the end: the letter was a perfect way to close the story, wow. I hope Draco finds happiness, which is huge because most of the time I'd wish him misery. But your story was great, with such strong characterization and a really plausible plot. I am going to be watching Draco differently when the DH movie comes out now and picturing some of this happening not long after. ;)
Wonderful story, I enjoyed it tremendously.
Author's Response: Gina a a a a, Thank you so much for reviewing. This was a hard chapter to write because I didn't want the story to end. I did consider making it AU, but realistically I couldn't see it working out between them. They are far too different. So, I had to split them up. Ron was a jerk, but a troubled jerk and just uncomprehending of what was going on around him. I like to think they'll be happy now, but perhaps Draco will cross their paths one more time ... Draco being happy? Hmm, in my mind, Draco does love Astoria, so maybe that's where he fully heals. Oh dear, I;m getting sentimental over Malfoy now. Never thought that would happen. Blooming fanfiction, drives me insane. ~Carole~
I already told you this, but this was a great surprise! I really didn't expect that from Ron, and it's an awesome twist. And yet, it totally makes sense that Ron was just so dumb and clueless. At the same time, it totally makes sense that Hermione jumped the gun, believed the worst, and fell into bed with Draco. Eep!
You've put her in such a situation here, and so effortlessly. It's going to be tough for her, isn't it? You've done such a great job with Draco that part of me is rooting for her and Draco. He needs her. And yet, my canon card is calling and it only seems fair she give Ron a second chance. Only what's going to happen when someone finds out about her and Draco??
You know what else is neat? I was just asking in Fiction Junction about a fic that was about Ron leaving the Aurors to go to the shop, and it's like you hand-delivered the scene. Again, your characterization of Ron was great.
But so was Draco. O.O
Ah! I can't wait to see how it plays out!
Author's Response: Oh, Gina, when you asked that question, I was so tempted to type 'Read Shrouds!' but that would have ruined Ron's revelation. Yeah, Ron was dumb, but I think he has fairly low self-esteem (even after the Battle) so he wouldn't have realised what it looked like with Verity. Hmm, Draco/Hermione or Ron/Hermione, Cake or Cards ... it's a tough choice. Thank you ~Carole~
Good start! What I like about this is that it's not *just* Hermione and Draco suddenly falling for each other - the others are there as well, and it will be interesting to see their reactions as things progress. Hermione and Draco do not pair up in a vacuum; there would be ruffled feathers all around, I imagine. Loved the Harry/Ginny dynamic in particular.
You've also set up a really interesting mystery with Ron. I've always thought that non-canon romances were most believable when they addressed the canon couple breaking up. So obviously whatever is going on with Ron - and you've set up his psyche nicely - is affecting his relationship with Hermione. Right now I sort of feel bad for Ron, but not knowing what exactly you've got planned, I'm not sure if you intend him to be sympathetic or not.
The dreams both are having are very vivid, and I like the idea of Draco suffering these guilty nightmares and then punishing himself with then. He seemed to open up to Hermione a bit quickly at times, but I also sensed some desperation mingled with his surprise at doing so. It's like he needs her forgiveness.
Good use of the title so far. :D
Overall, it's a nice start as I believe in what's happened so far and really want to see what happens next!
Author's Response: Mmm, I can't understand why anyone would just suddenly fall in love (myself and Davis Tennant being the exceptions of course). I couldn't write a Dramione without the others. They're an important part of Hermione, so to ignore them sets up an AU ... which this isn't. Thank you so much for the review. I hope the rest of the fic is as plausible. ~Carole~
And now I understand the chandelier on your banner. :)
Very nice scene of Draco and Hermione coming together after her upsetting encounter with Ron and Verity. Sure, Hermione may have been upset and vulnerable, but Draco recognized that and even though he knew he should stop, he still wanted her, he still wanted to take the chance that it would work out. I felt bad for him afterward. The scene at Malfoy Manor was really heartbreaking - every time he tried to Apparate and failed. And the thought of Draco Malfoy falling so far that he spent the night on the street. Really, really unique and daring way to take his character. And yet, there were some very introspective parts that really show that this could happen to him.
The symbolism of the teardrop crystals is really brilliant. I'm glad Hermione accepted them and is coming around. I am nervous, however, of the repercussions elsewhere! I am so curious where you are going to take this, since I see a hundred different ways this could turn out. Good luck as you continue to share!
Author's Response: Oh yes, the chandelier - the one thing I asked for on that glorious banner of Julia's. Hmm, I'm not sure Draco was thinking so much about things 'working out' between them, he's still Draco Malfoy, after all. I wonder if you've guessed how this pans out ... Ms Trelawney - heh heh. Thank you so much for the review and your continued support. ~Carole~
Now that's an angle! Really nice job with the psychological stuff on both Draco and Hermione's part. I like Draco angsty and guilt-ridden, and Hermione's post-traumatic stress disorder (that's what it seems like, really) feels very real. I haven't read much Dramione either, but it seems like a unique and believable way to bring them together.
And Ron - Ron, Ron, Ron. First of all, just when it seemed like he might open up, stupid Harry and Ginny trip in. Isn't there some way of knocking before you Floo in on someone? I have often wondered that. That was so awkward, the way Ginny ruined Hermione's story. I don't blame Rom for being upset.
I know Hermione thought Ron was going after Draco, but at the end I couldn't help but wonder if he ran off to another woman. He was surprisingly mature about the breakup at the end and I could see that happening, especially if he was seeing someone else. It will be interesting to see whether or not that's the case or if I'm just justifying both of their behaviors with it. ;)
I LOVED the kiss, because those kind of slam-together-out-of-the-blue-what-the-hell-are-you-doing kisses are just kind of a thrill to read. I grinned big time. And I feel very badly for Draco. I don't see him manipulating Hermione (which, if that happens, you will hear a deafening "Nooooooo!" from across the pond) but rather reaching out for forgiveness. Knowing you've written much more, it will be fun to see if and when she gives it to him and how she gets there. It's a tough call for both of them.
A very good chapter, with lots left hanging to look forward to ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thank you, Gina. I was worried that the opening chapters were a bit ponderous, but I needed to set up Draco's (and Hermione's) state of mind. Ron is .... um ... well let's see. Oh, I am glad you liked the kiss. I just needed something arrogant and not at all tender at that moment because they're not a couple at all, but Draco I always think is unpredictable. I shall update soon once I've tweaked chapter 3. Thanks again. And can I say, it means a lot that you're reading and reviewing because you're a canon girl - like me. ~Carole~