Lovely story! Great characterization from the very beginning. It was very bittersweet, particularly this part:
"He wanted to remember this moment, this very feeling, even in his old age. For an instant, he saw himself with graying, receding hair, telling the story of his young love, Alice, to his grandchildren. He promised himself he would remember every detail, recite the entire conversation from memory."
Knowing what happens to them later makes this really stand out. Excellent job.
Ooh, I hate to nitpick after my last review, but don't forget to capitalize Muggle as well as Hogwarts classes like Charms and Potions. :D
I've enjoyed your stories, good luck with your writing! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! It really means a lot that you read another one of my stories! Yay! I really wanted to throw in subtle reminders about their future so that the gum wrappers would tie in even better at the end, and I'm so thrilled you picked up on them. Haha, feel free to nitpick. I fixed the capitalization in the other story, and I'll do the same here. In my mind, I just don't think of those things as proper nouns! It's good to remind me. (: Thank you so much for your feedback. It's so sweet and very appreciated. Much more writing to come!

I love it!! You know I am slightly obsessed with James and Lily right now and this was a lovely look at their relationship through the character of Remus. I am also loving Remus at the moment, and you wrote him so well - so careworn, so sad. Great insight into his character when he said he was not bothered by people hating him, but by people fearing him. I loved how he initially reacted to Lily with anger, but she put him in her place. Now he has another supporter. Lovely! And then the way he helped Lily see James in a slightly different light - very nice! And the dream comment was perfect. Ah, I love a good Marauder story. Was there another Marauder thing you were working on as well? It's good to see you posting again! As always, I loved reading your story! ~Gina :)

Author's Response:

Heart.

Remus and Lily's relationship has been ignored throughout fanfiction, and I don't know why. You'd think, out of all the Marauders, Remus is the one with whom Lily would probably have the most in common. A platonic relationship between them only makes sense, especially if Lily knew how much he had to endure and still put up a brave face. That seems like the type of person that she would like.

And, yes, I have another Marauder bun in the oven. I'm going to finish it as soon as I get my monthly stuff done. Thanks for reviewing, as always, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D

Cheers!

~Jess

Whoa. I LOVE IT! I usually have a hard time with free verse, but this just nails it! This is fantastic! What did it for me was the repetition of the single lines in the next stanza - I am now naked, Amoung other things, I am now cursed, etc. Setting that as a stand-alone and then going into more detail in the next stanza is briliiant and really details what you were trying to say.
The list of crimes was wonderful, and I love the stanza with the colours. :)
This is very emotional, and no more so than the last four lines. Just, wow. Very powerful. Great, great work. I can't think of anything I would change, it's just a wonderful poem. You are very talented at free verse!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: *glomp*



I know you don't enjoy free verse, so I feel it is a huge accomplishment to have you writing such a great review. :D:D Glad you liked the single lines and their repetition; that was something I didn't intend to use because I originally wanted only the last line to be a single line, but I decided to take a risk as it does make you stop, think and be ready for the next stanza. And the colours! Colours are a major part of my poetry; you'll find them in most of the poems I've 'published' till now. :D



Again, thanks for the wonderful review!



~Natalie.

Julia, your prose is just so beautiful and emotional it's amazing. This piece is like a character study of grief more than a plot-driven, action-packed story, and I wish I could do that. Each word seems so carefully chosen to say and mean exactly what you want it to. And then paints such a stark, vivid picture of Harry going through something so life-changing. I think your use of repetition in particular - words, short phrases - really punctuates what you are trying to convey. Poor Harry. And yet, by the end, with those last words, I sense that he has turned around. The last two words leave the reader with hope - at least, that's how I read it, and I hope that's right!
Really fantastic writing. I hope I can write a Harmony story like this for you and Jess someday. ;)
~Gina :D

Author's Response: Wow, Gina, thanks for the lovely review! Hm, a lot of my recent fics have been more character studies than anything else. I like to think about how characters react in different situations and take things from there. I'm glad you enjoy the repetition. I always seem to do it subconsciously and I worry that I go overboard. Luckily, my wonderful betas are there to tone it down! As you noticed, this is really about Harry (and Hermione) working through their grief. It is angsty but I wanted to end it with some glint of hope - that maybe they could get through this, one day, even if for now it more of an acceptance than anything else. But thanks so much for the lovely review. And I hope you write that Harmony one day, oh Canonista Supreme! <3

So now the question becomes: Ron or Harry? I have my suspicions, so I can't wait to see if I'm right (again)! That was a good twist, but even more than that, I rather liked seeing George in bad-a** mode, and the bit at the house - the papers, the key - really deepened that part of the plot. Your romance stories are so multi-layered, it's amazing. Not to mention the angst. ;) Great chapter, post soon! ~Gina :)

Author's Response:

Hehe, I suppose you'll have to wait and see... but no worries. A good chunk of the upcoming chapters are baby-related, but the darkness is coming! You know I couldn't tell you whether you were right or not when we were chatting, though it seemed pretty obvious. If you can forgive my ebilness. :D

Lovely review, and I miiiiisss you, Twin!

~Jess

You killed him! OMG! You go! Bring on the angst! ;)
I tease. :D
Nice start here. It's definitely very intense, and builds to a shocking climax (even though we sort of know it's coming given the category, lol.) Poor Harry, watching his best friend die. This is going to be very interesting, since you've mentioned Harry is dating Ginny and Hermione was with Ron, even if they were fighting. Good luck as you continue!
~Gina :)

Author's Response:

Haha, I have no problem killing off Ron, 'cause he's a git. :D

Anyway, I had this idea in my head, and it sort of just spilt out on the page...the first time. Then my computer crashed, and I lost it all. This is but a pale reflection of what I had written in the first place, but it'll do. The rest of the story will be as it should have been.

This shall be funness.

Jess

Poor Hermione! I can only imagine how hard it is going back after something like this, and you wrote it well. I'm still waiting for her big breakdown.
The scene with Ginny was actually just as sad, because they were so close to an understanding, and then Ginny went all crazy again and ruined it. I'm not sure if I feel bad for Ginny or not. I guess she is hurting just as much as Harry - possibly more, since she lost her brother AND he dumped her - so she certainly has her reasons for acting this way. I do sort of hope she comes around, though.
Looking forward to seeing Rita! Good luck as you continue!
~Gina :)

Author's Response:

I don't think that Ginny would have been nearly as hostile if George hadn't told her about Hermione staying the night with Harry. You know he would be rather venomous and lurid with the details. And Ginny, being that she is a bit judgmental, would probably not believe the best in people, especially when she felt betrayed by them. She was just coming around, but Hermione's basic inability to lie well sort of screwed the pooch, so to speak.

Indeed, Harry meeting Rita is coming next. That chapter is going to be daunting. Not as daunting as AU of Doom, but pretty close.

~Jess

Nice! Did you plan the parallel to Harry's parents being in hiding during Lily's pregnancy? It's neat. I'm still wondering whose baby it is. You've been nicely enigmatic with the timeline. Hermione would have realized if it was too late to be physically possible as Ron's; what's interesting is that she doesn't remember sleeping with Harry, and that wasn't that long after Ron died, was it? Interesting. Are you going to reveal with the birth? And are you going to give them any happiness whatsoever?!
~Gina :)
PS. Nice touch with Teddy - I was wondering about him when he suddenly appeared!

Author's Response: I didn't really parallel anything on purpose; it was just the next natural step, with Harry worrying that Yaxley was going to hurt the people he cares about. I'm enjoying how people are fishing for information about whose baby it is. All will be revealed in due time. :D I am planning on a non-miserable ending, but I can't guarantee anything, because my muse does pretty much what she likes. You know how that works.

You are the queen of angsty!Harry and I bow to you. You are also the master of unspooling mystery and plot. And you are setting up great death and destruction to come, of this I am certain. And possibly a twist with George. I shall have my kleenex ready. Write fast, twin.
~Gina :-D

Author's Response:

Haha, you have no idea how many people are BEGGING me to tell them who the baby daddy is, but I'm sticking to my guns and not telling. I figured that George isn't entirely the vigilante type, though his general disdain for Harry is real.

Update will come... eventually. However it takes to finish an In the Ashes chapter and write another one for this. :D

~Jess

I like it! I read the original and it seems to me like you did a great job writing something similar in the Potterverse. Plath's poem seems much darker whereas Ron's incident with the slugs is really rather humorous, but that sort of adds to the strange irony of even reading about slugs in poetry at all. I love the occasional rhyme, it makes it feel a bit more quirky and trippy off the tongue. What were the key words? Was Parisian one of them? Nice job! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks you. Yes *sigh* parisian was one of them. That was the only one I had real trouble with. The others were Flitwick, thirty, benign and icicle. I enjoyed writing this very much because the original has always fascinated me. ~Carole~