Penname: Ginny Weasley Potter [Contact]
Real name: Pooja
Member Since: 05/02/06
Website: http://chronic-potterphile.tumblr.com/
Beta-reader: No
Status: Member
Bio:
Hello!

I'm Pooja, a twenty-two year-old Indian. I'm a die-hard fan of Harry Potter, a Shahid Kapoor Varun Dhawan lover, and very proud Hufflepuff.

I'm in Med college now, and I stay away from home. I really hope to continue writing even after I become a doctor. :)

I'm fond of reading, singing and six years ago, I discovered my fondness for fanfiction writing too. I'm much better now than I was when I came here, but I still think there's much room for improvement as far as my writing is concerned.

My all-time OTP is Ron/Hermione. I love this couple to death, even with my limited number of stories about them.

I am slowly starting to try stuff I've never tried writing before. I find that I quite enjoy writing slash these days.

Anyway, here are some of my stories, sorted out for you:

SERIES

I've got two series out here. The first one is a trio era series (though the sequel to the first novel is OC based) and the second one is next-gen. Here's some information about these:

1. TRIO ERA (PRE-DH)

Ha! I don't have a name for this one. I think I should come up with one soon, though. This series is COMPLETE.

Killer Instincts: Complete, with H/G and R/Hr as the primary ships.

Where Are You? Complete. This is the sequel to KI but it only follows my OCs from Killer Instincts-- Daisy, Chris, Cheryl and Pari. Yes, it's a completely OC based story.

Companion fics (one-shots, all featuring Anurag Krishnan):
a. Mum's the World (pre-WAY)
b. Face Value (pre-WAY)
c. At the End of the Tunnel (post-WAY)

2. TRIO ERA SERIES (POST-DH)
This is a recent series of mine and it complies with DH, as opposed to the Killer Instincts series.

Plum Cake: This takes place during DH. It's Hermione's birthday in 1997, and the trio is camping.

Ready or Not: H/G + R/Hr, and I'm currently writing this fic. It's going to be novel-length. It's a romantic mystery. :)

Lilttle Angel Wings R/Hr story, depicting their marital problems. Complete.

3. YEARS FIVE AND SIX: SCORPIUS MALFOY, ROSE WEASLEY AND ALBUS POTTER

Black With a Hint of Red A mystery novella which was written for a challenge. I must say, I'm rather proud of this one!

Transcendent Affection: The sequel to BWHR, with a few other twists. This is a mystery too.

4. ROSE AND SCORPIUS SERIES

His Hero: Rose/Scorpius one-shot.

I Know Why You Smile: Scorpius and Rose encounter some relationship problems. (Scorpius/ Rose and Scorpius/Victoire)

CHAPTERED STORIES

Coup de grace: Incomplete, on an indefinite hiatus but I don't think I'd label it 'ababdoned' YET.

When the Rose Fell: I'm co-authoring this with my sis, Nadia/majestic_ginny. It's a Scorose. :)

ONE-SHOTS

There are some really old ones here and that is not what I write like now. :p

Trio Era:

Plum Cake (R/Hr)

A Stolen Kiss (Cedric/Penelope)

It's Called Sweet Vengeance (R/Hr)

The Champion (Cedric Diggory)

Flawed (Padma/OC)

The Crush (Seamus/Lavender)

Inside Out (Padma/Penelope)

Older fics--

Inanity Over a Hairstyle (Ginny)

Next-Gen

Battered Heart (Hugo/OC)

Testimony (Scorpius/Hugo)

His Hero (Scorpius/Rose)

Cold Feet (Scorpius/ Hugo)

Eastern Dawn Stars (Scorpius/ OC)

The Maimed Reflection (Albus Potter)

Miscellaneous:

Mum's the World (Anurag Krishnan-- my OC)

Sapphires (Various Pairings)

Rubies (Sequel to Sapphires, various pairings)

Princess (written for an OC challenge, Dark/Angst)

Face Value (Sequel to 'Mum's the World, Anurag Krishnan, other pairings

At the End of the Tunnel (Anurag Krishnan, spoils Where Are You?)

POETRY

Now, I haven't got very good stuff here. My best is 'While He Leaves'. The rest probably aren't even poetry with the haphazardly fashion that they've been written in. Anyway--

While He Leaves (R/Hr)

Fun in the Romantic Rain (R/Hr)






Other stuff:

Trailer for Killer Instincts by the wonderful lunaselenia! --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dDGfpRiw6U



Thank you for stopping by! Please review my fics, if you read them!
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Reviews by Ginny Weasley Potter
 

Casts by Maple_and_PheonixFeather
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 1]

Summary: It was the New Year's Eve party, and after last year, I didn't really want to have to talk to either Rose or Andrew. But there was no way to avoid it.

This is a sequel to Unspoken and Lost In the Stars. It is highly recommended that you read those stories first. Disclaimer: A year after writing this, it has come to my attention that Andrew Gallagher is a character from Supernatural. As I do not watch the show, I did not know this. Andrew has been nominated for a 2013 QSQ for best OC

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations

Word count: 3327 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/23/12 Updated: 08/02/12


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 11/14/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hi Maple!

After reading all the three fics in the series-- I just loved the story arc so much. Best friends, with one of the duo falling for the other, is an old concept, but it was so fresh in this fic! I enjoyed reading this with the simple writing, engaging plot and lovely characterisation.

The introduction to the fic was very well written. Introducing friendship and comparing it to bones-- it went well with the title, which I’m sure was what you were going for. And then the quick flashback through the two other fics was adequate-- not too long or short, and though it spoiled the crux of your other two stories, it definitely didn’t reveal enough to not have to read them. This is a good scheme-- it will make the reader curious, and get them to read those two other fics. :)

I liked how all the next-gen characters were so alike, and yet so different from their parents. I could imagine the kids in the future being just this way. The awkwardness, and Lily’s thoughts at finding Scorpius, Rose and Andrew on the guest list was well written. I think first person style is best for this kind of a narration because it’s so much easier to dive into the person’s thoughts and dig out all their emotions. Lily is no different from any other teenager, and each and every emotion she went through was very well written, or rather, I must say, painted.

Coming to the actual interaction between the characters, I loved how smoothly you managed to pull out all the dialogue-- again, the awkwardness-- Lily and Andrew are forced to talk for the first time after Lily lost her virginity to him. It would be awkward for anyone and I loved that your Lily didn’t shrug her shoulders and just talk to Andrew again. The same goes for Rose and Scorpius. The entire dinner was very good and I really, really enjoyed that part.

The apology part was lovely too. I hated Rose and Scorpius on reading Unspoken, but this made me like them (a little) once again. And Lily’s reaction to everyone’s apology was spot-on too! She didn’t become best mates with them again, and indicated that she’d forgive them, but would take her time with it. This line, in particular, portrayed Lily’s thoughts well: It was like the bone had been reset and put in a cast. It would mend, but it would take time. Often, I’ve seen that in a hurry to wrap up the story and add in a happy ending, the author just winds back the plot to where everything was well. People forgive the worst of mistakes and all is well. However, it was not that way in this story, and that gave it a very realistic touch. This didn’t mean that the story was sad-- it had a touch of finality to it in the end, symbolising that everything was over, or perhaps not over-- what happens next is open for interpretation, and I feel, allowing the readers to experiment with their imaginations like this is a very good idea.

I really loved Neville popping up and talking to Lily! It was nice and I loved his characterisation too. He was the Neville we knew from the books, but a grown-up Neville. I find Neville hard to characterise, as he could be written as a sniffling man-child very easily, or even as an extremely uncaring man. These are extremes that are not very easy to avoid and you have done well avoiding them. He is sensible, mature and the brief dialogue exchange between him and Lily goes very well with his characterisation, as it was in the books. Also, the character changes he’s gone through after the war are well reflected by you and I liked these aspects of Neville very much.

That said, apart from some minor typos (you did say that some editing is required), this story was fabulous. The title fits well with the events, emotions and characters and I am curious to know how the Lily/Andrew storyline proceeds. I need a sequel to this one. I really do. Good job! :D

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Pooja! I'm very glad you liked the story arc - it's one I'm rather proud of :). I'm clad you didn't find the intro too much - I find the hardest thing about writing fics in a series is that you have to give a quick run down, but you don't want to bore your readers. You don't know how excited I was to read that you liked my dialogue. I struggle with dialogue so, so much, so to know that it worked was really exciting. I'm really happy you liked Neville's characterisation. I was a little worried as to how it was going to go over, so I'm glad you found it realistic! As for Lily and Andrew...I think that I need to make an outline, because the next fic I write will be chaptered and will hopefully finish up their story :D Maple

 

Mother Dearest by PeppermintToads
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Hannah Abbott and her mother have never gotten along. But that is about to change.


This is Peppermint Toads of Gryffindor writing for Madame Pomfrey's Character Triathalon.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Mild Profanity, Violence

Word count: 1491 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
07/29/12 Updated: 08/12/12


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 09/11/12 Title: Chapter 1: And She Did.

Oh, Julie, this broke my heart! I already knew from canon and your warnings that the end was not possibly going to be happy, but I was still not prepared for it. This was a short, sad story which also happened to be very powerful.

First of all, I must say that I liked the use of sound elements. The whisper of footsteps, some onomatopoeia later on… everything added to the grandeur of your writing. Speaking of your style, it is simple and descriptive. I liked how you showed everything instead of telling us about it. A perfect example of this would be this line: "Where have you been all night?" demanded an enraged-looking Mrs. Abbott, stomping across the room and, despite her tattered pink bathrobe and gray slippers, looking quite threatening. Everything starting from the expressions on Mrs Abbot’s face, right down to her clothing, her ‘stomping’ out of the room said a lot about her in very few words and I really liked this because I always tend to have troubles writing this way and you have managed it with ease.

Characterisation-wise, I liked how all the characters were written. Hannah herself, well, we don’t know much about her from the books, but you gave her an identity. She is a true Hufflepuff; she stands up for her friends. She also stands up for her mother when Draco insults her, despite everything her mother has done. She is prompt to leave the house when it all gets too much, showing that she is a strong person. And at the end of it all, you show that she is very caring too. Hannah’s mum was… I was shocked at her, to be honest. I have seen a lot of ‘abusive dad’ stories (and am guilty of writing it) but I’ve rarely seen stories with abusive mothers. I felt sorry for Hannah; sorry that her mother didn’t really change. But it’s good that Hannah forgave her. It shows that deep inside, she really did love her mother.

On a side note, I really liked Draco’s characterisation. The dialogue and everything was so like him- even if he did just appear for two seconds. I liked this in particular: "Better watch out, Abbott," Draco drawled. "If dear Potter is right, your Mudblood mother may be in for trouble." That’s so… Malfoy! Him signalling to his ‘entourage’ later on and his drawling voice and his behaviour towards Ernie and Hannah: as in, mocking Ernie for defending Hannah, and Hannah in turn for defending his mother just seemed like what he would so. I’ve read too many ‘soft’ Dracos ever since the next generation came along, and going back and reading that old, slimy boy in Harry’s year, written so well, was nice. I couldn’t not mention how much I adored this part!

Going back to the story as a whole, I really liked the intensity of emotions in it. The descriptions were very good and I could really get into Hannah’s mind and feel her pain and dilemma and sadness. Your story had, as one of my Betas had put it for my story once, ‘an episodic feel’. There were flashes of scenes, all ripe with new emotions and more beautiful descriptions. I also liked the ‘but it did’, ‘but it didn’t’ pattern. It definitely added a lot to the general feel of the story.

I was aware that Hannah’s mum would die in the end but when it did happen, I felt very sad. I even felt sorry for Hannah, even though I knew this was… a kind of liberation for her. However your mother is, she is very essential in a person’s life. We all need our mothers, abusive or not.

I was so glad I decided to check this out. This was a wonderful piece, Julie. Well done!

Pooja

Author's Response: *squees* Thank you soooooooooo much! <3 This was a super hard story for me to write so I was afraid it might be weak, but I am THRILLED that you like it! This was just a plot bunny that kept running away, so I'm glad that I finally caught it! Ah, Draco. I know that he's supposedly a better person, but to me he's always an annoying ferret. Glad you liked him! Thank you so so SOOO much, Pooja! <3 ~Julie

 

Human Debris by iLuna17
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Embers in a cage made from bone
slowly growing cold


Albus needed her. She didn’t need him.

He was a shadow of who he used to be; there was no life in him.

She was the one who sucked the very soul out of him.

When all was said and done, nothing remained of either of them. They were human debris.


This was written for, inspired by, and generally blamed on Jamie (Acacia Carter). She’s an amazing author, and I hope I did the video, IKEA table, and her justice.

This is iMusic17 from the house of the snakes writing for the final round in Alex’s triathalon 2012.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Strong Profanity, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 2573 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/22/12 Updated: 08/30/12


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 09/11/12 Title: Chapter 1: Slowly Growing Cold

Ellie!

God, this story left me shocked. It was… well, I can’t even call it dark because it was evil! I liked how the identity of the girl remained vague throughout the story, though. It definitely added, somehow, to how evil this story was. Two people in dire need of each other, rather than being in love with each other… and the girl, how she wanted power and control. It was all so… I don’t know, it must have been so difficult to write, because this was difficult to read. Though it’s not a very long story, it took me a while to read it because it was very, very heavy.

The OC was so well characterised. Her need to be in power, her twisted way of thinking… everything was so different. I also liked her entire dilemma about whether she cared for Albus, or if she just wanted to be in control of him. You’ve even written it so well; you’ve got into this girl and pulled out- and I’m repeating this- evil thoughts and words. Oh Merlin, she is so twisted! It’s always something that has amused her, and she always has to hide her smug smile as she realizes he is completely under her control. How did Albus fall for her?

Albus himself was a true Slytherin in this. James, being the Gryffindor, helped him out of the bullying, but I really liked that Albus just snorted at him and left, which shows the Slytherin-ness in his character. The importance you’ve given to his eyes is good, because I liked all those descriptions of his eyes. This, especially, was really good: His eyes open and full of emotion: full of pain. It’s terrifying to see her own eyes staring back at her that way. But it’s worse when he leaves. Because they go back to being dull. Lifeless. At least the emeralds shine when he’s in pain. And Albus’s thoughts were interesting to explore; his Sorting, and how he was considered an outcast, and how his siblings pitied him just because he was bullied.

The story progressed well, each scene more appalling (as in GOOD appalling) than the other, and I enjoyed the minimal use of dialogue. I was especially shocked at two scenes: the one where Albus is bullied and the other, where he abuses your OC. The bullying scene was violent and I felt sorry for Albus. I really hoped he would retort, and he did. So that made me happy. I was also glad James came to his rescue.

The abuse scene was as shocking as the one with the bullying and I didn’t feel the OC deserved to be abused, even though I didn’t really like her throughout the story. I wondered why Albus would go so far as to abuse her, but he provided me with the explanation himself. It must be frustrating to have no friends and just people who want to use you all the time. The poor fellow is an outcast in his own family and even at Hogwarts if he has to be treated this way, it’s really sad.

The ending was rather unexpected. I was happy the OC was bullied. But then, when I found out it was physical bullying, the happiness waned rather quickly. But in the end I thought, maybe, she’d help Albus. I wondered if she loved him, if she’d help him, but, oh God, she actually left him to die! It was so in character for her and yet so terrible of her to do that! I wanted to shake her by her shoulders and ask her to help Albus and there she was, revelling in the fact that once again, she had control over Albus. This added the cherry to the existing angst in the story and I found myself, hoping, even after I had finished reading that maybe, maybe the girl went back and that Albus didn’t die.

So yes, this was a wonderful read. It was a rather unique piece and you wrote well. The writing was clear and well-defined. I liked the vagueness of the story. It was like smoke swirling into the scenes- like one of those thriller movies. Some parts scared me, too. The twisted mind of the girl seemed so realistically written, I constantly wondered what she’d pull off next. You also left me feeling very bad for Albus.

So, yes, I loved this! All the best for this challenge, Ellie.

Pooja

Author's Response: Pooja!!! Thank you so much for the amazing review!

I’m really glad this story made an impression, lol. I was really nervous about posting it, given its evil nature, but I’m glad it’s not come across the way I feared. The OC remained nameless because I honestly couldn’t think of a name to suit her. I kept feeling that it would take away from her character, because, in all honesty, before Albus, this was the girl that no one noticed. No one knew (or knows) how twisted her mind was, and no one really cared. That’s part of why she has such a desperate need for control. And … yeah. It was really hard for me to write. It took me a few tries.

The OC was definitely one of the hardest parts of this piece. Since this piece is greatly influenced by the song, or more accurately the music video for, ‘Filth’ by A Band of Buriers (it’s the one where Matthew Lewis cuts off his arm), I kind of drew a bit of the OC from the girl in the video. Mostly how she smiles when Matthew’s hurt. I had to really work to make her not pure evil, but just twisted. And I can’t tell you how thrilled I am you liked that argument with herself. That was one of the hardest parts to characterize. :) I don’t think that Albus really, truly fell for the OC, though. He was feeling extremely lonely, and in my headcanon that didn’t make it into the piece, she ended up being there when he was at his very worst. And Albus latched on to that, and convinced himself he ‘loved’ her.

In my mind, Albus is always a Slytherin. :) I’m glad it worked, though, because sometimes it’s hard to fit my headcanon for Albus into a certain house. I obsess over Albus’s eyes as well- I don’t know what it is, but they seem to show most of his emotion for me. (Or in this case lack thereof …) I hope I didn’t overload you with information about Albus, though! I tend to do that …

Lol at the appalling bit, Pooja. :) I know what you mean, though; this was really a dark piece. In all honesty, those two scenes you mentioned were the hardest to write (perhaps in all of my stories). It was very violent because of two reasons for me. One, I think that if it was only mild that Albus would have been able to handle it. Two, because he’s been bullied for so long, it has slowly escalated. The bullies kept needing more and more of a thrill, and the old methods weren’t cutting it. I had to have James cut in, otherwise I know it would have become much worse very quickly. I honestly wasn’t planning it, until I realized just how graphic it would have gotten.

On the secret room scene: Albus just snapped. Like you said, he was an outcast both at home and at school, and everyone else either didn’t care, hated him, or wanted to use him. He just couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t sure how that scene would go over; I wanted to make the OC look slightly less evil, (and don’t worry, you were definitely not meant to like her) and make Al less of a victim. Everyone has faults.

I know the ending was unexpected. :) I’m really glad about that- I had actually written it both ways. But I just couldn’t picture the OC saving Albus. It never fit her, personally. And I’m so glad you liked it! It means a lot, especially from you, Pooja. I think one of your chaptered fics was the first fanfic I ever read. Thank you so much for the absolutely amazing review, and I hope you do well in the challenge, too. <3

Ellie

 

Pulling the Strings by Acacia Carter
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 27]

Summary: Past Featured StoryFACT: There had been a death at Hogwarts.
FACT: Deceased was a sixteen-year-old male by the name of Marcus Akers, a Gryffindor student in his sixth year.
FACT: Deceased had had contact with Neville Longbottom between 19:00 and 22:13 the previous evening.
FACT: The poison was administered in a near-exact amount.
FACT: Neville Longbottom is familiar with one of the possible poisons used in the murder.
FACT: Marcus Akers had been romantically involved with Magnolia Longbottom.
SUSPECT: Neville Longbottom. Male, 43, head of Gryffindor House at Hogwarts.

---

Thank you to the ever inestimable Soraya for the beta and Ellie for helping me reconstruct the story after my planning file was corrupted.

---

This is Acacia Carter of Hufflepuff writing for the Great Hall Chaptered Challenge of 2012.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 23499 Chapters: 6 Completed: No
Published:
08/25/12 Updated: 10/26/12


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 09/03/12 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

Hey Jamie!

Ha, when I saw Harry and Neville being mentioned, I suspected something but then I saw the warnings and realised this was something else. Anyway, I enjoy good mysteries, like I just told you, and this is really, really good!

First of all, I loved the 'FACT' and 'SUSPECT' method. I never imagined the Auror department would be divided into several tinier departments to sort out homicide, unusual crimes, etc and this was very innovative of you. :)

Harry is well characterised. I can just see him as a busy fellow with ever-growing stacks of parchment. Slightly frustrated, older and still so Harry.

Grabbing McKinnon by the shoulder, Harry pulled him back and away from the knot of people around the body. "If you're going to interrogate him, at least have the decency to arrest him first," he growled.

I loved this. This was very much like him.

Although Harry would reserve his judgement until he'd walked the grounds, he couldn't help agreeing - nor could he quell the odd feeling in the pit of his stomach that he was somehow returning home.

I loved this too. It's wonderful that after so many years, Harry would feel that way about going to Hogwarts and if I had written the same thing, I'd have forgotten to mention this. Somehow, this little piece of information meant a lot and really put the icing on the cake.

Now about Neville. Well, I have no words. He's fantastic! So perfect! I could see the mixture of post-war Neville, Professor Longbottom and pre-war "why is it always me?" Neville too. It was a perfect combination and I can see Neville exactly this way at forty three.Yep, you ARE the Neville expert and I applaud you for that!

The murder itself-- you've got the medical stuff so right! Me likey! I am particularly (understandably) obsessed with medical details and I love it when someone describes them with such perfection. In the Muggle world Dragonbane would be strychnine (I'm guessing from the post-mortem details you've given). :D I wrote a strychnine poisoning myself and that's a deadly one. I wonder why someone killed Marcus Akers in such a way. I mean, poisoning to the spine is a very, very painful way to die. :o

This is golden, Jamie, and I'm moving to chapter 1 just now. And I'm so glad I decided to come try this out! It's wonderful! I'm going to have fun following this one and getting to the end. You've researched well and your characterisation is spot-on. Also, the writing is gripping and very professional. Well done!

Pooja xo

 
Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 09/03/12 Title: Chapter 2: One: The Case Against Neville Augustus Longbottom

Harry's dilemma is brilliantly described in this chapter. Yes, it's difficult to make an arrest when you actually know the person and though Neville seems perfect for the crime, it seems as though he is not (or maybe he is-- mysteries have a cruel way of twisting and turning). I liked how all of Harry's emotions were well described. Excellent.

Neville made a boo-boo in the questioning. Ah. Of course. That was so in-character for him, once again. I liked Maggie's awkwardness in mentioning sex in front of her mother. Yes.

The toxicology report is good! I don't see why you feel you didn't know what you were doing!

I really liked this chapter and am definitely looking forward to the rest. This is a wonderful story!

 

Patchwork by majestic_ginny
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 5]

Summary: Dyslexia is a fairly common trait. Some can cope well, others not so much. With a little help from Albus Potter, Andrea Hallowell learns how to live with her condition.

This is majestic_ginny of Hufflepuff writing for Round 3 of the Character Clinic Triathlon - Original Characters. I chose the shipping prompt.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations

Word count: 4061 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
08/31/12 Updated: 09/06/12


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 09/11/12 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hello, little sis!

Well, first of all, I’d like to congratulate you for churning out such a wonderful piece in a matter of hours. I remember, that was one of the crazier nights when we sat up together over AIM, trying to complete our challenge entries before the deadline, and unlike my rushed, typo-ridden submission, this is a very good, polished piece.

Beginning with the introduction: I have always loved your story beginnings. They’re well written, explanatory and exciting. It’s… well, I shall compare it with food: crispy on the outside and juicy and engaging as you move in. You give us a fair explanation of Andrea’s character before drawing us into a deeper, more emotional story, which, as one can gather from the summary itself, is not your run-of-the-mill romance.

Your writing has a humorous tone to it, which I like. Since it was written in first-person format, this gives Andrea more character and makes her more interesting. I really like the transition from your introductory paragraph to the main story- that is, the present, where Andrea is sitting in her secret place. Also, you have blended in the scenes and made it smooth and easy to read. I like how you mention subtle canon facts for the readers to grin at. For example: There was a sudden rustle of paper as I saw him hiding it behind his back, a sheepish expression on his face. I recognised the Marauder’s Map! Hmm, I wonder how Albus has it. Maybe James has given it to him for use once in a while? Either ways, it made me chuckle. It reminded me of Harry too, and for some reason, the familiarity felt good.

Moving on to character development, I enjoyed reading Andrea. I felt sorry that she had to deal with dyslexia. Even though you’ve had her mention that she wasn’t ‘cunning and evil’ like the rest of the Slytherins, I liked how she still managed to remain quite Slytherin. She was determined to fight her learning disability and she also fiercely defended Albus, whom she cared for. Her character weaknesses are also well illustrated. She can get carried away by others; she agrees to bully Albus just because her housemates tell her to do so. She is also under-confident. All this put together makes her a believable, well-developed character.

Albus, on the other hand, was so different from the usual, pathetically nice representation that he gets (and I must admit, I am guilty of such a representation of him too)! I liked how he was like Harry, sweet and caring sometimes, but also like James Sr in some parts: he is mean to Andrea when she tries to bully him; way too mean. I also like how he has certain Gryffindor-ish qualities in him, despite being a Ravenclaw. He’s not so different from everyone else in his family after all! He’s a stubborn, determined, person too, I see, as he chases Andrea about after hurting her, but that also indicates that he’s nice, like Harry. You also made him different, by Sorting him into Ravenclaw. It was different, because if he’s not a Gryffindor, he’s generally a Slytherin.

I found it interesting that Albus attended Muggle primary school. I remember suggesting Sherlock Holmes to you, but it goes well with his character in this story. He seems like someone who might read intelligent Muggle literature. Hmm, how much do you reckon the wizarding world would have changed by the time Albus went to Hogwarts? Do you think that, maybe at least thirty per cent of the wizards might be sending their kids to Muggle schools for primary education, as it is indeed a liberal and tolerant world, now? Just something that really intrigued me in your story…

I have quite a few favourite moments in your story. The best would be the bullying scene. It made me grin because of Albus, as I have explained before. It was really nice to see him that way. Another moment I loved was when Albus helped Andrea write the ‘R’. The emotions involved and the attraction between them, the sexual tension and their reactions… It was so sweet and sexy. Once I read this, I couldn’t wait for Albus and Andrea to get together. This was fantastic!

My other favourite moment would be Albus and Andrea meeting Jenkins and Bulstrode again. This line made me giggle a lot: And I can see two caterpillars mating. So much for Jenkins calling them an eagle and a worm; Albus didn’t care about that at all! Plus, I loved how Andrea punched Jenkins after that! It was a wonderful moment and I felt nice for both Albus and Andrea.

The kiss in the end was really sweet and Albus asking Andrea out to Hogsmeade wrapped it up really well. I enjoyed reading them as a couple and felt sorry for them because, well, I do know what happens to these two in Sapphires and Rubies. But yes, seeing you wrote Andrea in Rubies first, this story maintained the consistency in her character. She seemed like the same person who tried on the cologne she got for Albus, just so she could see how he’d smell. I can see their relationship going far enough to a live-in, the way it’s been represented in Sapphires/Rubies.

To sum it all up, this was a lovely read. There is no doubt that I enjoyed it. You definitely handled the dyslexia well and Andrea’s difficulties were well represented. The story has a slightly bittersweet tinge to it, but that’s maybe because I know what happens later on! I must admit, I never thought that the expansion of any of our Rubies/Sapphires snippets would work, but you’ve disproved me. You have discovered Andrea well. Well done and all the very best for the challenge!

Pooja

 

Never Let Go by majestic_ginny
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 20]

Summary:

DAUGHTER OF MINISTER FOR MAGIC FOUND DEAD

Lucy Weasley, youngest daughter of Minister for Magic Percy Weasley, was found dead in her room early yesterday morning. Forensics has revealed that the death occurred due to poisoning, though the nature of the poison is yet to be confirmed.


Harry Potter has a difficult job at hand. Well, being an Auror has never been simple, but when the victim is a part of the family, things are bound to become far worse. Relations are put to the test, and old secrets resurface. And sometimes, it may just get too personal…

This is majestic_ginny of Hufflepuff writing for the Great Hall Chaptered Challenge of 2012.

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity, Violence

Word count: 19894 Chapters: 8 Completed: No
Published:
09/25/12 Updated: 01/26/14


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 03/15/13 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

Hey, Nadia!

Well, I have seen this story from the stage where it was just a plot, and I definitely count it as one of the best plotted mysteries that I’ve read around here. I am, as you know, aware of how the whole story unfolds, but just so I don’t spoil it for the rest of your readers, I will comment on the events until now.

First of all, I love the setting of your story. It starts with a ‘balmy July morning’ after which you have swiftly woven in an array of emotions. It starts with a father-daughter tiff, which I found interesting, and then there are the overtones of grief, and I am in love with how you have portrayed the agony that Percy went through, when Fred died. And then comes this line: She came in like an angel, dressed in white robes,. It’s one of my favourites, really, because it’s beautiful how the grief slowly lifts and gives way to a happier atmosphere. But then again, this changes. It’s back to Percy’s childish worries about his daughter growing up, and it remains innocent until he goes to Lucy’s room, where everything takes a turn for the worse. And at this point, I knew, even before I read the story, that Lucy was dead, but Percy and Audrey reacting to it was very natural, and I felt terrible for them.

I think the alternating dark and light-hearted settings really help, seeing this is a mystery. You maintain this throughout the rest of the chapters, and this is what struck me the most in your story. The moods are very important and noticeable in your story, and I love how one moment, there’s fluff, and another moment, it’s back to a shocking bit of information. Also, the story is moving fast, and it feels like a roller-coaster ride while I read it. It’s nerve-wracking to stop at any point without knowing what’s going to happen next -- the only consolation I have is that I actually know what happens next (unless you’ve got something hidden up your sleeve to surprise me too). I am sure, however, that your other readers are thoroughly enjoying the suspense.

Lucy is characterised well -- even for the really small part that she has. Well, it’s rather passive, as we only hear about her from Percy, Audrey and Victoire, but she is well fleshed-out, and I can see her reflect her father in some ways. Percy is well in-character, and with the superadded pain he’s going through, I can’t help but feel sorry for him. You’ve aged him well, as a father and a husband, and when he reaches out to attack James, and blames him for being responsible for his daughter’s death, I can tell that this is something he would actually do.

We’re yet to see more of James, but I am fond of how much we’ve seen here. I can’t wait to see more of him and have a look at the plans you have for his character, actually come out in the later chapters. The situations he faces are rather complex, and I’m excited to see how he reacts to all the situations he is, and will be facing. As for Harry, I think he’s very much in-character. This is particularly well-reflected in the scene where Harry finds out about James and Lucy’s relationship. His reaction to finding out that Lucy was pregnant with James’s child is very well-done -- I love how he’s just shocked for the moment, and then is surprised at how it seems insignificant. Knowing Harry, I expect it will most probably become significant once he’s out of all the shock.

On that note, I like the relationship dynamics between the three major couples you have here: Teddy/Victoire, Percy/Audrey and Harry/Ginny. We know Harry and Ginny well from the books, and their marriage is well-written. Teddy and Victoire are very sweet; I love the honesty between them, and also of how sure Teddy is about her. Percy and Audrey’s story is fantastic, and I’m rather hoping for another piece of fanfiction where you could go into the details, because that would be very interesting.

Regarding the murder, I’m in awe of how well you’ve conducted your research, starting with the post-mortem report, to the cause of death that you have here. I appreciate everything that involves medical research, as you know, and am very pleased with all the details that you’ve included about croton seed poisoning. The most interesting part of this, I must say, is the fact that Lucy is pregnant, and that croton seeds are abortifacients. Who would have anything against her pregnancy? Who else knew that she was pregnant? Although, I can see why Percy’s immediate suspicions would be directed to James, but then, he didn’t even know that it was his child, so we’re yet to get a lead about the actual culprit. Or is James just pretending? ;) Good job there!

All-in-all, you have an interesting story here, and I can’t wait for you to write more. My only question is: would Teddy really give out all the details to Victoire? But then again, he’s just a junior, so we don’t know. She’s helping though, so I definitely won’t complain. However, I am waiting for you to pop up on AIM and ask me to read parts of what you’ve written, and I hope that happens soon.

I love this story -- and good luck with this challenge! :)

Pooja

 

Ghosts of the Past by majestic_ginny
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 9]

Summary: In his new home, Ron Weasley stumbles across a Boggart. What he sees chills him to the core.

This is majestic_ginny of Hufflepuff writing for the October mini-challenge over at the Great Hall.

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: Violence

Word count: 1642 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
09/30/12 Updated: 10/06/12


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 05/15/13 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

Nadia!

I know I’m almost a year late on my promise to review this story in a more analytical way, but here it is! Can I tell you again, that I love this story to bits? It’s one of my favourite Ronmiones. And no, I’m not even biased because you wrote it for my birthday, or because it features my OTP. It is genuinely a very good story.

First of all, I really adored how the story started with a spot-on characterisation of Ron. “Never again, Hermione,” Ron Weasley complained loudly as he set down the crate and rubbed his back. He stared his dusty hands in disgust and mumbled, “If you ever tell me to move again I’ll--” I can just imagine him saying those lines and doing those things, and complaining, even though it was his idea to move out. And Hermione’s expression. Wow, I really loved that. She is a character who shows more passive anger than anything, and she is just the one to glare and talk exasperatedly, instead of actually saying something. I am so glad that you incorporated it here.

Style-wise, I am very impressed at how the story sounds so Ron. I mean, yes, the story is from his point-of-view, but often, I find myself failing at bringing in character in the narrative when I write from a character’s point of view, and I love how you’ve put it here so seamlessly. Also, the descriptions are perfect. The landing was still dark; Ron extracted his wand from his coat pocket and lit it, casting ghastly shadows of himself on the wall. The floorboards felt slippery under his feet. I could practically watch Ron walking through the corridor of an old house, his wand aloft and lit. Beautiful.

And would it be too much to mention this line? Fine, but if I see a spider, you’re doing it.” It really made me laugh a lot! So yes, this story is fantastic for the humour component too. The few funny lines here and there really cracked me up, even through the dark moments that the story had later on. Even from your other stories, I think you have a real talent there. You can make people laugh with your writing. :)

As you know, I love it when my favourite characters are written well. And you stuck to them in this. Ron was perfectly written. I can imagine what he went through when Hermione was being tortured, and I’d imagine this is exactly how he’d react if his Boggart turned out to be Hermione being hurt (and I think even in canon, later on, it would be safe to say that Ron’s Boggart probably changed). The whole scene where he faced the Boggart, and even the scene after that stuck very true to Ron. The heartbreak, relief and then the reactions were fantastic.

And then there’s Hermione. Starting with the glare, which I’ve mentioned before, and then the way she just casually told Ron that she’d tackle any spiders, and finally, the way she tackled the Boggart and comforted Ron were things I could really imagine her doing.

Hermione’s revelation that she was only alive, and clutching on to life because of Ron’s voice was something I hadn’t expected. I loved it. I think it doesn’t take more than that to explain how in love Ron and Hermione are, and that’s what I adore the most about this pairing, and also about this story. And this line, which I really loved, proves that Ron thinks the same way.

The way the fic ended, the sweet, romantic note was just what I needed. After those paragraphs of heart-breaking darkness, I loved the mood suddenly improved and became lighter. Also I loved how Ron didn’t just snap out of it and get back to normal in a minute. He was shaken, and his reactions for a while were well justified and realistic. I also love the moral, and Ron’s realisation at the very end, and I think it tied it all up together very well.

All-in-all, this was fantastic, Nadia! I could read it again and again and still never get bored. Definitely one of my favourite stories around here. Thank you for this loveliness! :)

Pooja

 
Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 10/07/12 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot

Nadia, I promise to leave you a more analytical review later on, but for now, I'd like to SQUEEEE! OMG, THIS IS SO AWESOME!

I loved your characterisations. I loved it. I know how difficult these two are to write because of LAW... and you just nailed them! :)

This has been one of the best birthdays of my life, mainly because of you. :) :* Thank you so much! And I shall return with a longer, better review in a day or so.

You are amazing, little sis. Love you sooo much *hearts hearts hearts* *huggles*

:)

Author's Response: Haha yaay I'm glad you liked it! :D I'm so happy you thought I could nail the characters -- the only reason I wrote those two is because of you. And writing for you was a pleasure, hun; you are the best sister to have ever lived. HUGGLES :*

 

Uncovered by Death by Equinox Chick
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 99]

Summary: All Scorpius Malfoy had wanted on the Saturday before Halloween was to spend some time in Hogsmeade alone with his girlfriend, Lily Potter. But Fate appeared to have other plans. Not only is her annoying cousin Hugo Weasley tagging along, but in the aftermath of a violent storm, a body is uncovered.

Working with his boss, Head Auror Harry Potter, to discover the identity of the victim, and the truth of her death, Scorpius quickly learns that not all skeletons are buried underground.

This is a the sequel to High. It is not necessary to read that to understand this, but what the heck, you might just enjoy it!

Many, many thanks to Kara (Karaley Dargen) for not only beta'ing this story, but putting up with the tortuous search for a title.

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, but I think you know that.

Uncovered by Death won the 2013 QSQ for Best Chaptered Next Generation Story. Thank you very much.

NOW COMPLETE

Categories: Mystery Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations, Violence

Word count: 125984 Chapters: 22 Completed: Yes
Published:
11/26/12 Updated: 02/11/14


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 03/14/13 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 -Into the Trees

Gah, I'd left you a review this morning, but somehow (and I still can't figure out how) I copy-pasted your banner request on this. Hehe.

Anyway. Eep. A body! This reminds me of the beginning of a typical episode on Bones, hehehe. And I'm intrigued -- mostly because I know how much research this involves (I have a WIP where there's a murder -- not like yours, but a regular murder, and I sat for days with tiny notes to perfect everything while I plotted it). I do wonder though, would the Auror department have a forensics branch? Of course, it's not impossible that the Aurors could be trained in body identification, and basic forensic procedures, but I'm still intrigued.

I like how you've written Scorpius in this. It's just the way I like him, and I can't wait for the snark to kick in. :D I like Lily too, and Hugo, the poor fellow, really deserves a better girlfriend, doesn't he? :(

And, haha, I still support ScoRose, but somehow, I don't mind reading Scorpius with other people these days. I guess, writing him with Victoire did it for me, ha!

I'm definitely intrigued, and I honestly want to read on, but I have to stop here today, because I may or may not have an exam tomorrow (if it doesn't happen, I'll be irritated that I had to wait to read more of your fic :/). I'm also inspired, and I hope I can make a banner that's as interesting as a story, and I'm nervous about that!

Pooja

Author's Response: You will, I'm afraid, have to read on to discover what happens with the forensics, but basically, no, they're not the ones that make a body identification, they're the people that piece together the murder and use the forensics that are based elsewhere (and they share that department with the MLE, too)

Hmm, I've not watched Bones, so can't comment on that, but the idea of a long dead body being discovered is fairly generic, I suppose. I watch a lot of cold case type programmes, and they intrigue me, which was why I wrote this.

Oh, don;t feel too badly for Hugo, or rather anti-Genister - she's okay, really, but Hugo (in my story Diffraction) was a bit of a twit towards her. And Aaron is a flist hottie, so you can't blame her - ha.

Regarding the research: I did read up a lot on body deterioration over the years and also the soil it was left in. I also could easily have taken the easy way out and declared that because there was magic in the ground, that such and such happened, but I didn't because I started to find it interesting - ha ha.

The Scoprpius/Lily aspect of this story does take a backseat to the mystery, but it's still present. Thanks for reading and reviewing ~Carole~

 

Tea and Honey by Maple_and_PheonixFeather
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: Past Featured StorySometimes, you just need a good wake up call to tell you that something is unhealthy. This is the story of how Louis manages to convince Lily that what she is doing isn't good for her.

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Mild Profanity, Sexual Situations

Word count: 2126 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/27/12 Updated: 12/27/12


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 08/16/13 Title: Chapter 1: Honey and Tea

Hello, Maple!

This story has intrigued me from the time that it was featured a few months ago. I have read a few AlRose stories, but I have to admit, this is the first LouLily I’ve read, and I really, really liked it.

I loved how simple your plot and writing was. It’s a short and sweet story with a single plot device which has been written emotionally and descriptively. You’ve used small, simple sentences, and the dialogue is free-flowing. Basically, it was very well-paced, and before I knew it, I was finishing it, and wanted more. So yes, I’d say it was rather light, and easy to read, and yet, emotional and beautiful.

I rather liked the dynamics between Louis and Lily in this story. The fact that they were good friends already made me happy -- as I really love best friend romances. I loved how Louis understood everything about Lily, remembered everything she liked, and was always there for her. These small things made it very sweet. And the fact that Lily reciprocated all these things -- that she considered Louis equally important in her own life made it even better.

Characterisation-wise, I loved Louis. He’s sweet, understanding and realistic. He cares about Lily, more than she knows, but that doesn’t mean he takes advantage of her vulnerability, and that made him very endearing. I loved that he was so originally written. I loved how he handled Lily when she was drunk -- pretending to give in to her wishes at first, but actually pushing her under the shower to sober her up. If I hadn’t taken a liking to him before this, the particular moment just made me adore him more.

Lily on the other hand -- I enjoyed how her portrayal was -- she states she’s built like a man, but she is actually very feminine, and she obviously cares about Sean. I’m glad she left him, though. It made me sad that she was so insecure, she tried to seduce Louis, thinking he was the only man who considered her pretty. I really loved their bond, actually.

The story ended on a sad note, and this line just made my heart ache: As Louis left the room and closed the door, he hoped that, when that day did come, she’d come back to him. I’m hoping you’re planning to write a follow-up story about their relationship as it developed further. I’d definitely love to read that, as it would be interesting to see how Louis will actually confess his feelings for Lily. All-in-all, this was a great read, and I’m glad I chose this story this month. Good job! :)

Pooja

 

Tomorrow Comes by 1000timesingoldenink
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Do you hear the people sing?
Lost in the valley of the night,
It is the music of a people who are climbing to the light.
For the wretched of the earth,
There is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.


The last few moments in the life of Nymphadora Tonks Lupin, daughter of Ted and Andromeda Tonks, wife of Remus John Lupin, mother of Teddy Remus Lupin, Metamorphmagus, Auror, member of the Order of the Phoenix, and posthumous Order of Merlin, First Class.

Categories: General Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Strong Profanity

Word count: 1407 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
12/29/12 Updated: 12/29/12


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 06/16/13 Title: Chapter 1: Dark and light

Hey!

This has been on my reading list ever since I made the banner for it. I am so glad now, that I made the decision to read it, because this is honestly beautiful, and I really loved the read.

The story is really quite short and sweet, but it conveys a lot in those few words. The structure helped a lot towards building up to the final moment that you wished to portray, and stylistically, you have done very well. I was intrigued, right from the first sentence, because you have started it with a very active scene. “Petrificus totalus!” Tonks screeched, jabbing her wand at the masked Death Eater who had just come dashing down the staircase. The ‘jabbing’, ‘screeching’ and ‘dashing’ got my mind active and awake, and I was immediately squinting into the screen to continue reading. And this brings me to my main point here: the action.

It is often difficult to describe action packed scenes, but I think you have handled this very well. I like how clearly you have described each motion, each combat move, and that just made the story move quicker. There seemed to be something going on at all points in the story, reminding me of Sidney Sheldon novels. But the action soon moulded itself into emotions, and I loved how when Lupin was killed, everything else was blurred for Tonks, because until then, she had been very alert. The physical motions are now taken over by the thoughts in Tonks’s mind, and the gap is bridged beautifully.

Characterisation was very well done, as I would not expect Tonks to act in any other way, once she saw Lupin dead. The raw anger, then the grief, and then worry for Teddy, and finally submission ” it was written naturally, and melded well with what I’ve read, and guessed about Tonks from the books. And then there was Bellatrix. She is definitely one of the more difficult characters to write, but you pulled her off with ease. I can imagine her wanting to tackle Tonks herself. And then there was Fleur ” she had two lines, probably, but I appreciated the denial that Tonks was dying, and Fleur’s effort to save the other woman. It was just like her.

The story also ended on a beautiful note. I loved how the first thoughts in Tonks’s mind were about the people she was leaving behind, and about Teddy, whom she wanted to see for a final time. And then, gradually, her thoughts drifted to the people she would be seeing again. It is so natural, even in a state of coherence. When something ” anything happens, most of us tend to think of the bad things that will come off of it, and slowly, we give ourselves hope by thinking about the good things. Here, Tonks is dying, and that is definitely not any situation, but the psychological elements you have used here are perfect.

Finally, the Les Mis reference was just perfect to wrap up your story, and end it on a good note. Gorgeous piece of writing here, I must say, and I’m ashamed of the banner now, because I’m pretty sure it does no justice to this story. Good job! :)

Pooja

Author's Response: Oh my goodness! Wow, Pooja, this has to be the most amazing review I've ever received! :D Thank you! And don't worry, I loved your banner. I thought the flowers in the monochrome version seemed almost holy-looking, and the picture of Tonks was perfect--so determined-looking, like nothing could ever set her back, which ties in well with how she is feeling when she dies.

I actually thought writing the action was fun, and not too hard. I tend to write in a very stream-of-consciousness style, which I think helps a lot for action scenes: I move straight from one thing, to the next, to the next...and when the physical fighting stopped being the important thing in Tonks's mind, I simply switched over to focusing on her emotions. Oh, and I'm really glad that you liked her characterization. I think she's often shown as witty and--for lack of a better word--spunky, which are both important personality characteristics, but in this situation, I couldn't really use them! You said her reactions corresponds with what you've guessed about Tonks--the side of her character that the books never had an opportunity to show you...that makes me really happy, because it's what I was going for.

About Tonks's state of mind--I'm happy that you think it works psychologically, since I was initially only thinking about it in terms of the theme....and the theme is really just my interpretation of Les Mis. When I first heard this song, I thought it was about building a better world, about how yeah, there's suffering, and sometimes people die, but in the end hope prevails and the spirit of humanity cannot be broken. You and I may die in the battle, but if we all keep fighting evil, we'll bring a better world. Since then, I realize that maybe this is not what the song was intended to mean; some of it seems more in line with the Christian idea of heaven, how those who have suffered and died will live harmoniously and happily in heaven. But I was never interested in heaven. I have hope for this world, the world we live in. You see, there's this Hebrew prayer called Ani Maamim, traditionally said by those who know they are about to die (I mean, not that I think I'm about to die--I just think it's a beautiful prayer). The English version begins with the words "I believe in the coming of the Messiah, and though he may tarry, still I will wait for him." In Judaism, it is said that the Messiah will come when humans have finally learned to live in peace, when we've ended suffering and made the world a good place. So I guess this whole piece is my statement: I believe.

Again, thank you for your wonderful review! :) It really made my day.

Jenny

 

Coming Alive by The owl
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 4]

Summary: Leanne Gamp hadn't wanted to be at that party, even though it was Christmas. However, a chance meeting behind the curtains meant that her evening wasn't at all what she expected.

Written for the There's Snow Such Thing As Magic challenge in the Great Hall. I chose to do the bonus prompt: The Mistletoe-Rag Challenge.

Categories: Draco/Other Character Genre: Warnings: Character Death, Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Substance Abuse

Word count: 3963 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/06/13 Updated: 01/11/13


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 02/15/13 Title: Chapter 1: Coming Alive

Hey Sophie!

I’ve been meaning to read another of your stories for a while now, and am glad I got to read one more this month. This was quite a rare pairing, and it seems impossible when you look at the histories which these two characters -- Draco and Leanne have. But I loved how you brought them together in a completely believable and enjoyable way in this fabulous story of yours.

The story started on a cheerful note with Christmas, and I felt myself warming up to it as I read about Leanne, and Millicent’s family. It’s all fairly light at this point, and I could see that a happy, well-rounded story was on its way. I enjoyed reading about how much Leanne wanted to avoid Millicent, and I found myself smiling at her thoughts. And then, Draco entered the story, and I grinned, knowing that it would certainly be a light, fluffy read.

The first few paragraphs in the Draco-Leanne interaction are very well written. I especially love how you captured Draco’s character here, complete with the snarky attitude. And then when he got to know of Leanne’s name, I loved how the dejectedness set in. I also expected him to apologise, and was not surprised that he actually did. And at this point, where Draco becomes aware of who Leanne is, the fic drops into a fold of darkness, and suddenly, the cheer is replaced by despair. This was a wonderful way of transforming the mood. It was natural, and it progressed into the darkness very softly and beautifully. But there is a point before the beginning of the confessions, which I found was wonderfully written. This was the part when Malfoy got up to bring some wine, and by now, I’d already wanted him and Leanne to end up together, so I was as curious as Leanne to find out what was going on beyond the curtain. I loved Malfoy’s reaction to this too. Particularly his dialogue: “I haven't drunk any of this yet, you know. I'm still sharp enough to spot a curtain twitching as I turn around.” This is such a contrast -- the snark, the gloom and then the snark again. It seems very much like Draco.

I wondered about what happened to Katie when Leanne grew sad at her thought, and was shocked to find out about her death. Leanne’s emotions at this point were put forward very well, I must say. I can see why she would blame herself, and how, at this point, she would feel that what Draco had done to Katie was still not as bad as what she had done, when in fact, Draco’s actions were worse. I also loved that Draco pointed this out to her. It blended well with his character until now.

The despair persists for a while, and the mood is slowly escalated again, starting at the point where Leanne realises she is drunk. I also enjoyed reading about the obvious sexual tension between her and Draco, particularly this line: Sleeveless dress robes had been a bad idea; she shivered noticeably at the touch. After that, I enjoyed the cascade of hints that followed, suggesting they’d soon be together, and finally, the kiss (or kisses, in this case), which were very well written. Out of the two kisses, I loved how the first one felt exactly like a first-time kiss with all the hesitation. The second one, though, was sexy and passionate, and very well-written, and I felt happy reading it, as I realised that this was what I wanted to see the whole time.

I enjoyed your characterisation of Draco. I normally don’t sympathise with him. Readers are usually forced to pity him, all because of Felton. This, though, was Draco from the books, who had changed after the war. He was quieter than he is in the books and much less confident, and I can understand why. But that didn’t mean that his snarky demeanour or his smirk didn’t come back. The self-pity blended well with his character too, and also the fact that he warned Leanne not to be like that. I also liked some of his rich-boy traits, like the manicured hands, and the fact that he knew all about wines. Apart from that, I adored the half-smile. It reminded me of my portrayal of Scorpius.

Leanne, on the other hand, was well-rounded and defined. We don’t know much about her from the books, so I reckon writing her must have been like writing an OC. She was realistic in everything, starting from her dislike for Millicent, and her wish to hide behind the curtains. Apart from showing how much she wanted to stay from her family, the hiding also proved that she still felt guilty about Katie. You made me feel for her and sympathise with her, and as her mood improved towards the end, I felt better too. So yes, I like how you’ve made her easy to empathise with.

Your writing is powerful and descriptive. Your characters prefer to convey their emotions and thoughts through actions rather than dialogue, and that promises a better bond between your characters and the reader. I also like your use of the tactile sense in some cases, for example this particular line: tucking her knees up into her chest and leaning back against the cold glass. The description flows easy, and there’s enough of it to paint a vivid picture in the reader’s mind without tiring them out.

All-in-all, I found this a smooth, easy read, and can’t praise you enough for producing something as lovely as this. Your grammar is flawless, of course, and the plot is properly fleshed out, and the ending leaves me hoping for more. And I must ask: will there be a sequel? Will we know what happened to these two; how long they lasted, or if it was only the one night? I know that I’d most definitely enjoy more. :)

Good luck with this challenge!

Pooja

Author's Response: Oh, Pooja! Thank you so much! SPEW reviews are the loveliest thing; I just wish I was better at replying to them! I'll never get everything down coherently enough.

This is most definitely a rare pairing, and one that wasn't really in my comfort zone, so it's really reassuring to know you were convinced. Perhaps the story could have leant itself to a lot of angst, but that doesn't come naturally to me, so light-heartedness it was, hah. There was so much heavy subject matter in the backstory that I needed to use the Christmas-y touches, I suppose.

Thank you for all of the compliments about my Draco. I've not written him much at all, so it was all a little nerve wracking! I feel like, with his past, you can't really avoid some darkness. I couldn't help but add lighter touches, of course -- the snark is always fun to come up with -- but there's a lot of suppressed, negative emotion there. The same goes for Leanne, of course, and I wanted to use that to bring them together. It's really pleasing to see that you could empathise with her and understand how she related to Draco when I've not written something like this before. And then there's the romance. Like smut, I find sexual tension, uhm, relatively enjoyable to write, so I'm glad you enjoyed reading it too :)

I know what you mean about people sympathising with Draco because of Felton. They seem to forget what a bully he was at times. I hope I've managed to make a more likeable version of him without actually changing his nature. The war would have changed him, and I really hope it was for the better. You could never get rid of certain traits, like, as you say, a knowledge of wines and things. And yay to reminding you of your Scorpius! He's lovely :)

Ooh, a sequel. I haven't got one planned at the moment, but it's not impossible. I think I'd like to write more, and now I know I have one interested reader at least :D I shall have a think, although it will have to go on the back burner for a while. I suspect I'll mention it on the LS if I try to write it – I certainly moaned about this one enough, hah.

Thank you again for a lovely review, Pooja, and sorry for rambling on so much. <3

~Sophie

 

One More Night by xxbabewithbrainsxx
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 8]

Summary: Past Featured StoryRose and Albus are forced to confront her changing relationship over the years, and Rose does not want to face the consequences.

This is babewithbrains of Ravenclaw writing for the Great Hall Valentine's Day Cotillion 2013.

This is a companion piece to I Will Lay Down My Heart, and though you don't have to have read that to understand this, you might want to if you want to know more about Albus and Rose's backstory ;)

This story has been nominated for a 2013 Quicksilver Quill Award: Best Next Generation. Thank you!

Categories: Next Generation Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity

Word count: 12372 Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes
Published:
01/28/13 Updated: 02/28/13


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 03/01/13 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Ah, a sequel to that other wonderful AlRose of yours! I am very eager to continue, and have fully enjoyed the first chapter.

I already feel sorry for Albus (possibly because I know the outcome of this). I wonder how the story will unwind though.

I love the description of Albus's eye colour from Rose's point of view. The 'loss' of colour, and then the colour filling back is such a beautiful thing to include. I can almost see Albus's happiness when he realises that he and Rose can be friends again.

Also, he's already in love with Rose. Oh no. :(

Rose doesn't look like she's going to fall for Albus at all. Somewhere, I’m hoping I’m wrong, of course, as there are two chapters to go, and something is bound to happen now, isn’t it?

As for your characterisation, I can certainly recognise these two from I Will Lay Down My Heart. The consistency is good. Rose seems like a bold person, but we know that already. :) I also love how Lily is so concerned for Albus. Will she ever know what happened between there? Hmm, I doubt it, but I feel it’s a possibility. Well, I’ll just have to read further! Well done so far, and see you in chapter 2!

Author's Response: Yayayyayayyay you're heeeere! :D I am so glad you decided to read this, Pooja, even though I think this and my Marlene story both kind of fell down towards the end because I couldn't take my time with either. And I rather liked this chapter -- it's just the rest of the story I'm not so fond of, lol (though I know you seemed to have liked it, so thank youuuu).

This was intended to be a companion piece to I Will Lay Down My Heart, but I'm *hoping* it stands alone okay. The thing is, this has a lot more Scorose in it, as you can see, so it's very much a different story and shows mostly Rose's point of view with things. It's interesting you mention his eye colour -- that comes up, kind of, later :) I think at this point, Albus, like Rose, is very confused. Only later does he actually realise he is in love with her -- Rose, for all her flaws, is right about most people not really knowing what love is at just fifteen. Certainly, Albus lusted after her, and to some extent, Rose reciprocated (she had to have, since they had sex and all). But yeah, it is rather sad when I think about how quickly Albus agrees to be friends with Rose again because he really does love her. Poor boy. :(

I'm really glad you liked things so far! Hmm, I doubt Lily notices anything with Albus. I try not to think of Loulily and AlRose simultaneously, lol (although there are hints of Loulily in this, but very subtle ones), and you'll have to see what happens later :)

Thank you for the lovely reviewwwww, Pooja! *heart*

Soraya xxx

 
Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 03/01/13 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Woot! ScoRose smut! I love these two so much! Our headcanon for Scorpius IS too similar, though, as in my story too, Scorpius and Rose got together after she helped him grieve his daughter.

Anyway, the tension between Albus and Rose is inevitable in this chapter, and I'm wondering what will happen now, after this time-leap, when Al finds out that Rose loves Scorpius.

Scorpius is a particularly endearing character here. I love how you've portrayed him. And the poor fellow, with all that grief over his daughter! I’m not sure I like Rose very much, though. She’s probably about to hurt both Albus and Scorpius, and I’m dreading it right now! But there’s a chapter left… hmm… wonder what will happen?

The Apparating scene made me giggle. The awkwardness of it all was funny. :D The smut was great too. Very well written, I must say. Like I said, I enjoyed it a lot.

Soraya dear, I’d go over to the next chapter right now if I didn’t have college in like four hours, but I must leave. I’ll read the final chapter in class tomorrow and review after that, okay? I’m totally loving this story! Keep it up, and good luck with the cotillion!

And sorry about the weird, review with all the flailing. I can barely form coherent thoughts at this point of the night, and you included ScoRose smut over all of that. (Your fault, hmm). But thank you for such a great story! I will be back in a few hours!

Author's Response: Yayayyy, you liked the smuuuuut! :D I also love these two, but I love AlRose equally (unrequited, that is). That is so weird, though, about your head canon and mine. O.o We must be synched or something, Pooja, hehe, because I've had this head canon for Scorpius for like more than a year now. But I guess it's different because Scorpius and Rose work in law enforcement rather than as Healers... plus, I'm not sure if Scorpius's daughter was murdered in your head canon, because that's how she dies here.

And yeah, there is definitely tension between Albus and Rose here. You'll see how that unfolds in the last chapter :D Scorpius is a lovely guy, yeah. I think, with unrequited love stories, I find that the person stuck in the middle, like Scorpius is here, is generally described as the "bad" person, which I find wholly unfair. Especially because Scorpius is such a sweetie. I also forgot to mention that their backstory is more fully explored in another story of mine -- The Highway of Regret. That has Loulily in it, too :)

And hehe, I always have to have some kind of awkwardness in my smut :3 This was, um, the thing I wrote during a cancelled maths lesson, lol, and I meant to poke Jamie or Carole or Jess about certain aspects of it *coughRoseontopcough* but I kind of forgot... and then this scene happened and I just posted before my next lesson, lolol. I then asked Jess and she gave me a few pointers, lol, and while I'm sure it's totally inaccurate, it was funnnnn.

Thank YOU so much for the reviews, my dear Pooja. It means so much, and you flailing makes me flail. ♥

Soraya xxx

 
Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 03/02/13 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Hello again, Soraya!

I shall try to leave a better review this time; something that sums up your entire story. However, the way this fic has ended has removed any hint of coherence from me and I’m as lost for words as ever.

I thought this fic was a character study of Rose more than anything else, which spoke of a few snippets from Rose’s life. The focus was on Rose’s vacillating emotions, and her romantic dilemmas; plus her relationship with her family -- her father and Albus, more than anyone else. I was glad to plunge into the depths of this study and discover more about this canon character, who has actually got a very minor role in the books, but is still very important in the Potter fandom.

I liked the detached style in which the prose was written. It didn’t move as a continuous story, but you picked up important points of the plot and expanded upon them. This way, the story moved fast, and I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything either. Style-wise, this was more-or-less similar to your other fic, ‘I Will Lay Down My Heart’. It had the quiet subtlety about it. And it is amazing that you’ve maintained the style from your last fic, because I’ve read your other fics too, and you seem pretty versatile as an author. There wasn’t much dramatization of anything, and yet, there was enough drama in the fic itself. The parts with the smut were sexy, and very sensitively handled. The emotions during all those points were accurately written, and were very convincing.

The story itself is so sad. Poor Albus. I knew this would happen, to him, of course. I was aware that Rose would end up using Albus, but I still wasn’t prepared for it as it came. The emotions are expressed so sharply and beautifully, and I can relate to what Albus is feeling at the moment. In the same way, it’s easy to relate to Rose. Since the story is from her point of view, I love how her thoughts are so well expressed in narrative. An example of this is this particular line: Rose hated it, and in a way, she wished she allowed for Scorpius to transfer rather than both of them acting so miserable around each other. Not for the first time, she wished she hadn’t thrown herself into such a relationship in the first place. This points out to Rose’s state of mind very well. I can feel her dilemma, and the sadness, and Rose’s own misery over the break up is palpable.

The reason for Rose and Scorpius’s break-up was sad too. Now I’m half-wishing they’d continued, because they seemed so great together. I especially loved Scorpius. He sounds like such a good person “ such a sweetheart, if I may. I can certainly imagine him as a great father. And I loved how you gave him those tiny quirks, like, he’s obviously a cleanliness freak, and is very punctual, judging by how he folded Rose’s clothes on the morning after, and later resisted her so they could get to work on time. It’s very evidence as to how particular he is about everything. And his grief over Ophelie is well portrayed. It’s subtle, but it’s there, and I could see that he was trying so hard to master his emotions there. It’s not fair that later on, he had to lose Rose too.

Rose, was being selfish in parts, but is basically a very good person. I loved that she wasn’t always at the top of her class, and that Scorpius crossed her sometimes. I also love her annoyance at this fact. It reflects a part of Hermione in her. But she’s an independent person, both as a teenager and as a grown woman, and I liked her for this. I also liked her bluntness at some points. She had a different voice from Albus and Scorpius, and it felt good to read her. I do wish she’d not decided to use Albus in the end, though. Yes, she is sad, but that doesn’t mean she can hurt the only person who is so understanding when it comes to her.

Albus, on the other hand, has a small role, which is actually a very big role. He’s such a nice character. He’s really mellow and loving and caring, and that’s why I feel bad for him. He is, of course, very recognisable from the epilogue. And I hope that he finds someone in the future. Someone who isn’t Rose, because in my opinion, she doesn’t deserve Albus.

Plot-wise, the events leading to Rose and Scorpius getting together, and then Rose and Albus having their own union, were very convincing. I enjoyed the scene at Fortesque’s, and the fact that Scorpius had been trying to impress Rose made me grin. After that, everything that led to the particular night that followed -- Scorpius getting upset and leaving, Rose accidentally Apparating with him, and then the talk about Scorpius’s grief, etc, were good building blocks to the smut. The tension just seemed to gather, and the sex had to happen; and once again, this was all palpable.

As for Rose and Albus, I could understand the sadness that Rose was going through, and I also happen to know what Albus was feeling at this point, from your other story, but I felt the progression was very natural. This doesn’t seem like a good step to take for either of them, though, and I know that at some point, it’s probably going to come back to bite them both; maybe just after this.

The Burrow scene was fantastic. I liked the subtle hint of LouLily there; but the best of all was the part with Ron in it. I somehow always imagine that Rose was closer to Ron when she grew up. However, I think while Rose and Hugo were kids, Hugo must have been closer to his father. I can certainly imagine Hermione expressing herself in ‘fifty words instead of five’, and Ron being the opposite. And I loved how Rose was able to communicate with her father, though, and it was so like Ron to ask Scorpius to get out like that! Good characterisation there.

You also put a lot of effort into the details. Each location and setting is carefully written. It’s not something a reader usually pays attention too, but it was easier for me to picture the series of events from here because of all the intricate detailing. It was a fantastic feast to my mind. There was also a particular line towards the end, relating to Albus’s eyes, which was very well written : At that moment, he opened his eyes, green bleeding into brown,. I liked this line because of the imagery it provided, and as I’ve mentioned, the intricate details.

Now I’m hoping you’ll follow this up with a sequel. I really want to know what happens to Albus and Rose, and whether Rose and Scorpius do ever patch-up. They were so great together.And poor Albus; I do hope Rose falls for him, and if not that, I hope he gets someone else. Oh, I really want to know what happens next. :)

Thank you for this wonderful story, and all the best for the cotillion!
Pooja

Author's Response: Pooooooojaaaaaaaa :D I am so sorry for the delay in replying. The truth is, your review was so fabulous that I couldn’t even think of an adequate response, tbqh. Thank youuuuu so much :)

It means so much to me that you think the ending of this was that good. I think the ending needed work and I will probably go back to it and edit later, but thank you so much. *heart* The story was definitely meant to be a character study of Rose. In I Will Lay Down My Heart, I think I needed to explain a lot of Rose’s character, so yeah, I’m glad you liked that :) Certainly Rose is a very minor character in the books, and maybe it’s not the best storyline for her, ha. (I mean, I made her a bit of a byotch, lol.)

Re the style, I really had no idea how I wanted to write this. The thing is, the first part of this was written ages ago, and the rest was written pretty sporadically — like I had a whole section written from about a year ago, ha, so I was rather worried it wasn’t consistent. I’m glad you liked the style, then, and wow, I’m really glad you thought I could maintain the style. And YAYYY, I'm glad you liked my smut :D I actually have no idea about the emotions, lol, as all of it was written not from experience :P

The reason for Rose and Scorpius’s breakup is, I admit, kind of stolen/inspired by The Mentalist. Basically, two people in The Mentalist had a relationship even though having inter-office romance was strictly against the rules, and when they were found out, they were given an ultimatum: for one of them to transfer, or for them to break up. I did love Scorpius in this :) I wrote him a bit in Blood and Roses, and I did enjoy it, so it was nice writing him again. Also, yussssss, I have a thing for cleanliness freaks. Don’t ask, lol.

I’m glad you liked Rose and Albus’s characterisations, too. Rose was a byotch on the surface, but yeah, she is essentially a good person. Albus is a better person, I guess, and he totally deserves a good person. :(

And again I'm so glad you liked the smut, lolol. I wrote that bit during a cancelled Maths lesson, but it was so much fun, haha. And I tried to keep Loulily to a minimum, ha, because too many cousin pairings = a broken brain.

Also, yes, I always imagined Ron would react badly to Scorpius and Rose being together. Possibly the reason Rose was closer to Ron than Hermione was because Rose was so similar to Hermione, so she was closer to the person most different from her?

I'm really glad you liked all the details and that you liked the whole story! I have more plans for these three, but I'm just not sure when to write it, tbh. I will one day, though, because it’s not the end, definitely not.

Anyway, thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu so much for the fabulous review, Pooja. My response is totally inadequate and incoherent but I heart you so much, my lovely. ♥

Soraya xxx

 

Six Days At the Bottom of the Ocean by opti
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 3]

Summary: Nights are worse now with another one of his loved ones passing. Ron doesn't know how to handle it, and tries his best to calm himself in the cool morning air. Sometimes, however, there are things you just can't do alone.

Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Character Death

Word count: 1569 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/07/13 Updated: 02/11/13


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 02/15/13 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot

Hello!

I’ve been meaning to read your Ronmione for a while now, and am glad I chose this as my first, because this is wonderfully written. I really loved the entire presentation of it, and how easy it was to read, plus the realistic and beautiful representation of all the emotions. The story is short and precise: there’s a tone of hope and finality to it and it fits very well with the mood you’re going for.

Grief is one of the most difficult things to write, in my opinion and experience. It’s the same for everyone who experiences it, and yet it varies so much from person-to-person, based on how they take it and react to it. It is very important to capture these emotions properly, with the right mix of every state of mind that comes with this powerful, complex emotion. Some of the things that Ron feels have been captured so expertly, I can’t even put into words, as to how perfect and how genuine they are. The first sentence, for example, shows a very common train of thought in grief. You shouldn't feel like this. It shouldn't be as easy to just forget like it seems to be, and the tears are meant to continue falling. It’s true that everybody gets over the initial pain, and at some point, the tears stop, but the residual pain is still there, and then there’s the question of why the tears have stopped. Is it that the person is missed less? There is a constant fear of letting the person go, to fade away. But then, Ron has managed to answer his own question in the next line. But they don't, and maybe that's the point. Forward momentum and constant motion -- don't stop except for the memories. Nothing stops. Nothing waits. I love the philosophy behind these lines, because it’s not just about the grief and what Ron feels -- it’s very universal in such a situation.

There is also an entire paragraph which describes how difficult Ron finds it even to walk, to perform natural activities that don’t in a general sense, require energy or thought, and I love those lines. I wish I could quote the whole paragraph, but I will quote my favourite line here: You didn't even know something so natural could ever be so difficult -- even trudging back from the tents and pitch of the training grounds was child's play compared to the weight of every thought that came with each step. I extremely, one hundred per cent adore that sentence because of the surprise that Ron feels, that all these natural activities seem so difficult, and how he comes to understand the magnitude and extent of sadness that he experiences. Also, the rawness of his emotions, like the burrowing pain is very well reflected in this paragraph. The choice of words, and the way you put forward these emotions is interesting and beautiful.

The reaction from everyone else in Ron’s family is in-character too. Mrs Weasley’s reaction on the day of the funeral was very sad ” the plight of a mother on losing her child is perhaps the worst of all, but it wasn’t just that which made it sad. It was also how helpless everyone else was -- how they knew that this time, there were no consolatory words that could be given, and that nothing could be done to save her from her intense pain. Ron himself was very much in-character; I would expect him to be just as isolated as he is. Also, his mental agony is palpable from his actions, and his thoughts.

The overall use of second person narration impresses me as well. This is another thing which is difficult to pull off, and which you’ve managed to write with ease. The story is more poignant, more real and raw this way. I also love how you’ve taken the time to describe every thought that Ron has, and have still managed to make this a captivating read, without sounding repetitive. The tone of the story is rather passive, but it goes perfectly with the grief you’re trying to show.

The ending paragraphs are a burst of relief, both plot-wise and narrative-wise. And I love how I felt the same happiness and relief that Ron did at the sight of Hermione. It was like I was Ron -- I could feel his pain, and then the intense happiness on seeing Hermione. I’m glad you ended it this way, because nothing could have been more perfect for this fic.

This was a wonderful read, and you are really talented. I do hope to read your other stories soon. Excellent job! :)

Pooja

Author's Response: Err, uh... hmm. I am actually speechless. If you couldn't tell, that's a difficult task!

Anyways, now that I have to actually provide a response other than "ho hum, I dunno what to say!" I should probably say thanks. So, thanks. For the review, that is. Is there something else I should be thanking you for? I really don't know, but I guess yes, thanks for this wonderful piece of positivity! All right, let's put some sort of structure here okay?

Yeah, grief is part of the wonderful world of things that are incredibly hard to describe without sounding like a total... err, [insert foul language]: emotions. I never know if I'm walking the fine line between cheesy and emotive, or just tumbling over straight into that world of dark and stormy nights. I'm so glad you thought what I wrote wasn't that, though! I quite like that idea too, so much so that I may have injected it into a character that - I think - may have actually benefited from a much more visceral feeling. Eh, hindsight right?

Moving on, I actually -enjoyed- writing that bit about the stairs and all the lines about Ron's difficulties moving. I rarely try and shoot for metaphorical gibberish that is often lost on many eyes, but I went for it here (and a few times elsewhere, like in The Hawthorne Root... *shudder*) and I couldn't more pleased that you liked it. If I could get such high praise from things I like doing... well shucks, that's a pretty good feeling. I strive for interesting, or I'd like to think I do, and lucky for me the good stuck out more than the bad on this one. I guess. I think.

Where was I? Oh, right, response. Review response, that's the ticket. I have issues working under the completely sane and totally reasonable "show don't tell" banner, but I think I manage to merge them decently here and that you enjoyed what I had to show and tell (...) is a pat on the back I'll take, thank you very much. Second person is so... fun to write in, but I never know how to feel about it afterwards. It can seem really ham-fisted and melodramatic - almost noir-ish at times - but I love writing it because it lets you speak more freely about characters. There's less total character inspection, like you'd get from first person, and more of a gut feeling, stream-of-consciousness type dealy that I like playing around with. I'll take it as a testament to knowing the character that I can get away with it, xD

But then again... that might mean I should stay away from Ron for a little bit. Or, by extension, Hermione... and furthermore, Romione! Say it ain't so... SAY IT AIN'T SO!

(btw, thanks if that isn't clear enough from my... thing of a response! <3 )

 

Humbling Prejudice by iLuna17
Rated: 6th-7th Years [Reviews - 6]

Summary: There were a few short moments that taught Cormac to love, truly. And it was all Eloise's fault.

This was written for the 2013 Great Hall Cotillion. It is also for Jess, or ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor. Not only did she dare me to write this, the lovely SPEW monarch deserves a present after all of the LoveNotes she's been writing.

Categories: Other Pairing Genre: Warnings: Sexual Situations, Strong Profanity, Violence

Word count: 3851 Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/17/13 Updated: 02/20/13


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 05/15/13 Title: Chapter 1: The girl at the back of the library.

Hey Ellie!

I am so glad to have read this fic, because honestly, I’ve not seen anything as unique as this. Starting with the pairing, and even the way Cormac and Eloise finally got together, everything about this story is different, and very beautifully handled.

First of all, I liked the style of this fic. The way the story proceeds complies with the topic very well. It starts off with a very over-confident and terrible Cormac, and he slowly bows down --with each snippet, I could see him becoming a better person, and I loved that about the story. It truly showed Cormac humbling.

Another thing was the books. I have never read anything like this before --with two people falling for each other because of their love for books. I think it was a fresh idea. I’m glad that Cormac felt terrible for picking on Eloise that first time in the library, and I loved that he was intrigued at her affinity towards books more than anything else. And you’ve nicely explained why he had that little crush on Hermione too. It fits beautifully.

A third observation is about the way you’ve started the story: I’m standing here, and she’s slowly walking towards me. Cormac mentions that it might sound clichéd, and unoriginal, but I think it was beautiful. It never gets old, no matter how many people say it, and I’m very glad that you’ve used it here --for Cormac, because it shows a very different side of him. I liked looking at that side. It’s a good exploration, in my honest opinion.

That brings me to the characterisation. I adored how you’ve made us look at Cormac differently, but in fact, he’s actually still the same. He has only mellowed towards Eloise. And also, I loved how he still wasn’t all that a good person; he changed, but he didn’t become a fantastic person. He just changed enough to become more tolerable, and probably just towards Eloise. Also, I noticed how his personality was slowly moulded and changed by the books he read --because it is so true --books that have an effect on us do tend to change a lot of who we are as a person. You stuck to this throughout the fic, and in the end, I actually liked Cormac. Eloise has a smaller role here, but I like what you’ve done with her too. I loved how intelligent and caring she was --we only know her as the girl with the pimples, but you filled some essence into her, and I can now imagine a lot more of her, thanks to you.

I think writing the story as little snippets was a good idea. I loved the time-to-time glimpses of events, and the way Cormac and Eloise’s relationship became better, and how Cormac, with each snippet, seemed to become better too --but I’ve probably said that too many times. I enjoyed the occasional quoting of books, and the references to literature. Quite honestly, it made the story much more realistic, because that’s how I speak to my friends who are into literature, and that’s how I’ve observed people speak in general, when they read so many books. It’s difficult not to quote your favourite lines in any situation!

The first person writing format made sure to give us a deeper look into Cormac. I think this is what makes the story a lot about character exploration too. You’ve entered every corner of Cormac’s brain, pulled out the thoughts from there and tied them all together in this beautiful piece, and the romantic sub-plot makes it all a lot better. Needless to say, my eyes were glued to the screen the whole time that I read this.

So all-in-all, I think this was a fantastic read. It was light, and dark, and beautiful, and I loved it. Keep it up, Ellie, and good luck with the cotillion! :)

Pooja

Author's Response: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond, but every time I try I just end up blushing like mad and I can't write anything coherent. I'm honestly just thrilled that you like it; it was a long shot written on a dare from Jess. :) (Another note: I'm beaming that the connection to the title was emphasized - I knew the title was oddly cryptic, but I'm squeeing because it wasn't completely obscure.)

I was terrified of putting the literature in there, to be honest. The SBBC constantly reiterates how difficult it is to integrate Muggle book references without something going wrong, and I'm glad you liked it. I thought it would be fun to throw a character like Cormac into a world of books, and I needed someway to tone down his arrogance for Eloise to even consider him, lol. I love all of the books I put in there, so it was a way for me to slightly put in my opinions on some of the good classics, too.

Ah, Cormac. He is horrible to write, but I'm glad you think he was in character. That was probably the hardest part about trying to write this: keeping him in canon, but trying not to make me want to punch him in the face. (All I can say is thank Merlin for Eloise. Otherwise this story would have been impossible). I'm also thrilled you liked the beginning; it was so hard for me to picture being so in love with someone that you would marry them (as I'm about as inexperienced as can be with romance), but I stand by the hope that it can exist. I guess that poked out a bit there.

Honestly, this is probably horribly incoherent, but I'm still sitting here smiling like an idiot. I'm beyond thrilled you liked the snippets and just Cormac, and thank you for being an amazing SPEW buddy!

Ellie

 

The Soul Thief by hestiajones
Rated: Professors [Reviews - 16]

Summary:

We consider each other, two shattered entities unexpectedly brought together, their homes within easy reach yet far removed. “Hello,” I say. The gesture is almost comical. I just greeted myself.

“How was it?” she asks. Her chest falls and rises visibly, rapidly. I stare at it. It’s my heart there, pounding.

My answer is a single, inadequate word.

*

This is hestiajones of Hufflepuff writing for the 2013 Great Hall Cotillion at the beta forums. My chosen pairing is Dominique Weasley/Maude Barthes (OC).

I'd like to thank Jess for gently nudging me to write for this challenge, Croll for her never-ending support, and the SBBCers for their valuable input in the discussions. This plot bunny wouldn't have been possible without some of the debates and theories we've been focussing on in February. Thanks also to Pooja for being the most helpful doctor-in-making, and for being my mosquito-swatting soulmate.



Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Genre: Warnings: Abuse, Character Death, Mental Disorders, Self Injury, Strong Profanity, Substance Abuse, Suicide, Violence

Word count: 15640 Chapters: 7 Completed: Yes
Published:
02/21/13 Updated: 02/24/13


Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 02/21/13 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

So, finally, I am reading something that you've written, and I'm quite excited to continue with this fic.

What I like here in the prologue is the surreal, detached voice that this person (who I'm assuming is your OC) has. I think that's very well done. Many of his actions are written realistically-- and his thoughts too-- like the lines about him smoking, or what he thought of his stepmother.

But why would he think that Dominique is a ghost? And what is she doing there alone? I have a lot of questions, and would really love to read further on. The one thing I can be sure of, though, is quick updates, so my impatience isn't going to claw at me, hehe.

Wonderful beginning, and I'm so excited to see the rest! Adding this to my faves! :D

(And sorry, this isn't much of a review. But there will be a more analytical one in the end, once your post the last chapter, and February ends, lol).

Pooja

Author's Response: THANK YOU! I'm thrilled you're reading my work, meri jaan! :D I can't wait to see what you think of it once it's fully published.

 
Reviewer: Ginny Weasley Potter Signed
Date: 02/21/13 Title: Chapter 2: The Guilt

This is a really sad chapter. :( The plot is thickening, and I'm enjoying the multiple PoVs. They're a tough experiment, and I love that you've pulled it off so well.

I think this chapter is so different from the prologue. The vagueness has vanished, and now we have a more defined situation. Although, what happened to Mags and Dom is still very mysterious. I feel sorry for Maudie, and I wonder who Andrew is. I suspect, though, that he's one of the two boys that Dominique met in her... fugue state? Though this is definitely more scary and surreal than actual Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Again, I'm eager to find out what happens next. I love how each character here is so defined-- that is another thing about multiple PoV, there is a need to constantly change the voice of the narrative, according to the person whose head you're getting into.

I feel sorry for Bill and Fleur. And Maudie. I giggled at the mention of Hermione and her glasses. Somehow, I've never imagined that. :p

Waiting for more!
Pooja

Author's Response: Hahaha! Poor Hermione reads a little too much. I think she eventually had to get a pair. I'm loving hearing your thoughts and your feedback. I was very wary of the structure because multiple POVs can be so difficult to pull off, especially when I'm mixing first person with third person omniscient. Thank you for everything! :)

 
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