I'm an unhealthily obsessed HP fan. I started writing my own fanfics in Dec 2004. So far, The Second War Begins is the only one I've shared, but more may come.
What happens when it all falls part, and life just becomes too much to bear?
Oooh, that was evil. I was all "NO! Don't leave Ron! What's wrong Hermione??? You're meant to be together!" Silly me, twas all a dream. Your dialogue is fine. It was perhaps a little stilted in one spot, but with more practice I think you'll find it'll come easier. I love dialogue, so I didn't find I missed the imagery, but then again I usually have to remind myself that it can't all be dialogue, so perhaps I'm not the best one to ask. :S This is indeed different from Malicious and I'm glad to see you stretching yourself as a writer. You may not notice it, but your writing has already improved since the beginning of Malicious. On a more technical note, remember to double space between bits of dialogue (I just can't stop being a beta, can I? Just tell to sod off, if you like... :D) I'm interested to see where the next chapter will take us. A dozen roses for m'lady... no, wait, you like some kind of flower that starts with 'frangi - somthing???'... I'll send for those instead. :D
Author's Response: I would never tell you to sod off, m\'dear! Frangipani\'s =D But any flower is fine, really! (you don\'t have frangipani\'s there??) It\'s the thought that counts! I really haven\'t noticed the change, but I\'m glad some people have. I\'ve noticed the err.. situation\'s becoming more complex, but yes, the dialogue was something i picked up on myself. I was re-rerading the HP Books (as you do) and saw the amoutn of talking in comparison to imagery, so i thought I\'d give it a go.! Thank you SOOOO much for your in depth reviews!!!! The double space thing wil be fixed!
Author's Response: PS- Hr/R foreeeveeeerr!