Penname: OhISee [Contact]
Real name: Lori
Member Since: 12/05/04
Website:
Beta-reader: 0
Status: Member
Bio:
I'm an unhealthily obsessed HP fan. I started writing my own fanfics in Dec 2004. So far, The Second War Begins is the only one I've shared, but more may come.

[Report This]
Reviews by OhISee
 

Self Analysis by Lurid
Rated: 3rd-5th Years [Reviews - 24]

Summary: Hermione piles it on, encourages it all, welcomes the workload. But when she suddenly cracks in favour of things to better fulfill her life, what happens to the work?


What happens when it all falls part, and life just becomes too much to bear?

Categories: Ron/Hermione Genre: Warnings: None

Word count: 4024 Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes
Published:
04/02/06 Updated: 06/02/06


Reviewer: OhISee Signed
Date: 04/21/06 Title: Chapter 2: Part I

Oooh, that was evil. I was all "NO! Don't leave Ron! What's wrong Hermione??? You're meant to be together!" Silly me, twas all a dream. Your dialogue is fine. It was perhaps a little stilted in one spot, but with more practice I think you'll find it'll come easier. I love dialogue, so I didn't find I missed the imagery, but then again I usually have to remind myself that it can't all be dialogue, so perhaps I'm not the best one to ask. :S This is indeed different from Malicious and I'm glad to see you stretching yourself as a writer. You may not notice it, but your writing has already improved since the beginning of Malicious. On a more technical note, remember to double space between bits of dialogue (I just can't stop being a beta, can I? Just tell to sod off, if you like... :D) I'm interested to see where the next chapter will take us. A dozen roses for m'lady... no, wait, you like some kind of flower that starts with 'frangi - somthing???'... I'll send for those instead. :D

Author's Response: I would never tell you to sod off, m\'dear! Frangipani\'s =D But any flower is fine, really! (you don\'t have frangipani\'s there??) It\'s the thought that counts! I really haven\'t noticed the change, but I\'m glad some people have. I\'ve noticed the err.. situation\'s becoming more complex, but yes, the dialogue was something i picked up on myself. I was re-rerading the HP Books (as you do) and saw the amoutn of talking in comparison to imagery, so i thought I\'d give it a go.! Thank you SOOOO much for your in depth reviews!!!! The double space thing wil be fixed!

Author's Response: PS- Hr/R foreeeveeeerr!

 
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Allegiance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
During his final year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy had few illusions about where...
A Different Kind of Magic by unjellify 3rd-5th Years
James Potter is Head Boy and Gryffindor Quidditch captain in his seventh year...
Colorblind by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Set in the future, Harry's grandchild tries to comfort him while Harry remembers...
FEATURED
The Pretender by littlebird Professors
She feels the familiar pang of disappointment that they've never been better...
A Light in the Gap by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
When Harry woke that first morning in Grimmauld Place, he wondered if Ron and...
Tapestry by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
As Walburga Black stitches, Sirius rebels. Two poems written about the infamous...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
CATEGORIES